Are we supposed to have more?

Apparently, yes! Responding to their hate mail bage, The Rant writes:

I really enjoy this revival of smugness over WMD. This is the only ammunition you short- sighted I told you so nags have in your arsenal.

Bonus: We defy anyone, and that includes Dr. BLT, to make sense of this:

Just as dwelling in the recent past is endemic among the less than literate, looking into the future any farther than whether the barmaid will be back from the head soon enough to fix you another Pink Squirrel is the outside limit of foresight. Planning for the future, like maybe drinking that Squirrel in front of you a little slower to prevent the anxiety of an empty glass, is not in your skill set. Review what was found in Iraq and remember that you big mouth counterfeit altruists are the hypocrites. You have brushed aside the suffering of entire nation so you can continue wagging your finger saying I told you so, ignoring world history and refusing to have the balls to look into the future.

W
T
F
?

 

Comments: 99

 
 
 

Whats the big deal? It was only the primary justification for a war responsible for thousands of deaths. Look forward! To another Islamic state like Iran!

 
 

I think what he is saying is that it is too soon for reflection and too late for remedial action so the only thing a red blooded American can do is put some sort of mangnetic ribbon on their car. As an added bonus, the magnet will align the ions of the gasoline resulting is better fuel economy (a blessing in these pricy times).

 
 

Who is this aimed at? I get that he’s saying his opponents have brushed aside the supposed atrocities of Saddam (not saying he didn’t commit some, but also pointing out that he didn’t commit all the ones the war boosters say he did). I also get that he’s saying they’d rather gulp their Pink Squirrels than sip them in the preferred ladylike way of the Rant, thus extending the current supply of Pink Squirrels. Is this an analogy to oil usage? I’m sure he means that if we could just look into the future and see the world’s oil supply dwindling, surely we would conserve oil, invest heavily in development of alternative fuel sources, and NOT drive big gas guzzlers. (heh, indeed.) This is in addition to our wise and well-justified invasion of all available oil-producing countries on whatever pretext, such as “that country’s leader is a madman who has weapons of mass destruction, plus the invasion will pay for itself. And then we’ll have our very own Oil Sampo.” Right? OK, I got pretty far with that, but honestly, it still doesn’t make sense to me. What does reviewing “what was found in Iraq” have to do with looking into the future?

 
 

Wow. How dare that Aussie go shaking his “flaccid complacency” like that. I think The Rant has a major hang-up about…ya know…male complacencies.

And, having just read their “warning” about hate mails, I love the irony:

Sometimes we get hate mail…Never edited for spelling, content or grammar, sometimes we answer it…

Shouldn’t they put that warning on their main page?

 
 

About that last question, maybe he’s preparing us for the coming justification of war against Iran?

 
 

Alright, I’m up for the challenge. I’ll take the bate. He is basically saying that you guys are all a bunch of myopic troglodytes. That’s worse than being called a troll. As for The Rant’s views on the war, they are consistent (though more succinctly stated) with the views I expressed in my article in The Reality Check (google in “Fly like an Eagle” + Dr. BLT).

 
 

I hope that anal retentive grammarian blogger of yours doesn’t discover that I spelled “bait” wrong in the above entry. I’m already getting castration anxiety just thinking of the prospect. Hey, it was a typo, not a spelling error.

 
 

I think the Review what was found comment indicates that the writer has settled on “Well, Saddam was really, really bad – look at all those mass graves!” rationalization for invading.

To me, the most confusing statement is drinking that Squirrel in front of you a little slower to prevent the anxiety of an empty glass – on the contrary. I feel that there has never been a more appropriate time to drink like there’s no tomorrow.

Finally, big mouth counterfeit altruists would have been far more effective with a “two-sandwich-eatin'”, a “short-bus-ridin'”, and maybe a “cow-lick-havin'” thrown in.

 
 

BLT, you didn’t explain anything. We got that he was trying to insult us. What exactly is he saying, is the question. His prose is poorly constructed and his point is lost. All that comes across is some incoherent sneering.

 
 

Now, now, Lucy…that’s not all that came across. A little spittle came across as well.

 
 

My attempt.

Bloggers navel gaze and wear thick glasses and drink too much. They blow their loads quickly. Because we are fighting a war, the meaning of ‘good’ is more arbitrary, and the people of iraq now love each other gooder than you say, and that makes me want another drink.

 
 

the funny part is

we’re more pissed off about Abu Ghiraib then ANYTHING ELSE. wmd are just gravy.

either because it happenned and no one was fired, or because no one got fired for the incompetence of letting what did get out, get out. Either way you cut it, the buck has not yet stopped.

and it will.

 
 

I took a second look. I now see what you’re saying, but I’ll be honest. I am loath to criticize the writing of somebody who is not only on my side, but who has been so supportive of my efforts to enlighten left-wingers with my articles and songs. There you have it. My motives for defending the Rant are politically driven. I now realize that my use of the term “bate” in my initial entry in resposne to Rant was neither a spelling error or a typo. It was a Freudian slip. Now I have just given away the fact that I am biased, and that I am giving a fellow right-winger the benefit of the doubt. But shouldn’t we all really give one another the benefit of the doubt when it comes to writing? Why do I feel like I’m putting my foot in my mouth right now? Let me put it this way: Rather than jumping to conclusions, I’d recommend asking The Rant for clarification. Maybe we are all missing something very profound here.

 
 

You’re willing to let this Rant guy slide, despite his being 100% incoherent, simply because he’s “on your side,” yet you accuse us of “groupthink”? O Pot, thy name is Thiessen!

 
 

Yeah – that people on the right have to write articles/comments in a manner that confuses everyone. This way any opposition is squashed because no one knows what in the hell the right is talking about; so the topic gets dropped. Then the right can declare “victory” while everyone else shakes their heads and asks how these people got injected into these debates in the first place.

 
 

“Maybe we are all missing something very profound here.”

5 dollars to you, mister Pot, sir, Dr.

We ~should~ all give each other the benefit of the doubt when it comes to writing, which is why people invented diaries. For practicing in. When it comes to publishing, putting it out there in whatever form, well, notice the difference.

incoherence loses. everytime.

duh, but thanks for the lesson

I think what you missed was your 4:00 dose of Pedant-Ex.

 
 

There’s no way any of us can possibly make sense of that. We’ll have to call in Pastor Swank and Kaye Grogan for a proper translation.

 
 

Unfortunately, their translations will be equally incoherent.

 
 

“Review what was found in Iraq and remember that you big mouth counterfeit altruists are the hypocrites.”

Wow, I didn’t expect him to rant at the Bush Administration and its supporters, but there you go.

 
 

I think it’s a thinly veiled word to slavish Bush supporters, because really, who else do these things apply to? dwelling in the recent past is endemic among the less than literate …. Planning for the future … is not in your skill set …. Review what was found in Iraq and remember that you big mouth counterfeit altruists are the hypocrites …. You have brushed aside the suffering of entire nation so you can continue wagging your finger saying I told you so, ignoring world history and refusing to have the balls to look into the future. He must be talking to the “Bush won, so suck it”-crowing pro-tax-cutting-and-deficit-spending Sharia-constitution-supporting women’s-rights-lip-servicing prisoner-abuse-and-death-of-innocent-civilians-justifying PATRIOT-act-embracing crowd

 
 

Darn you yagi, and the little thunder-stealing pony of doom you rode in on!

 
 

OK, I hate to be trumped by a bunch of left-wingers, but this time you’ve called my number. You’ve got my back against the corner. So much for loyalty to my own kind. You’ve forced me to be honest. Much of this appears incoherent. There, I said it. I hope you’re satisfied. I’m deeply ashamed that I had to be forced to be honest, rather than having it come natural, and that selfish political bias momentarily allowed me to defend the indefensible.

 
 

Good on you, DBLT. Speaking for myself, making people be honest is part of what I hope to accomplish by engaging in criticism and critical thinking. (But no, I don’t think I’m never wrong, BTW, BLT.) Personally, I look at the people in control these days and see so much spin and dishonesty that it sickens me, and it’s so easy for us lefties to make fun of that people think we’re just joking around or sniping for the sheer pleasure of being a tearer-downer (to use Franny Glass’s term). This left-vs-right conflict is pretty ugly sometimes, and to have any effect we have to make sense of the opposition and make them make sense if they’re going to try to turn us into some kind of traitorous enemy in their readers’ eyes. Random slams about Pink Squirrels and people who minimize the Saddam-era suffering of the Iraqis just won’t cut it. Now off to the showers with you, ya crazy sandwich doctor, and let’s have a new ditty about the brave lads and lasses of Sadly, No.

 
 

Someone set us up the Bomb

 
 

At the risk of being accused of grammarianism, I feel I must point out that “You’ve got my back against the corner” is a mixed metaphor. Either we’ve got your back against the wall (or you do), or we’ve got you backed into a corner. But the mash-up doesn’t quite parse.

 
 

If it’s any consolation, tigrismus, I enjoyed your hyphen buffet.

 
 

I hope none of you take this little confession of mine as evidence that I’m going soft on the left. If that’s the case, I’m going to have to release another 6-string weapon of mass construction. That’s right, I’m going to torture all of you by posting a link to “What Part of Right-wing Don’t You Understand?”–a song you may have already heard somewhere on a radio station somewhere in the heart of the mid-west (Oh, I forget, most of you have probably never been to the mid-west, or, for that matter, worked an honest day in your life—I mean real work, like milking cows, loading hay onto trucks, and shoveling cow dung). In any case, I know my song’s been aired, on at least one station and I know that it’s successfully offended a lot of left-wingers in the past. It’s from my Right-wingers Need Love Too CD. If I release the song as a free MP3, that’ll set the record straight and will quell all rumors that I’m changing my tune. At this point, it’s only a threat, so don’t get all up in arms about it. I know there’s always a danger of going soft on the left if one hangs out in left-wing blog sites too much as a troll. Well, I want you all to know this: I am immune to those sorts of dangers. Remember, I grew up on the farm. I come from good conservative stock, raised in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. I am secure in my right-wing ideology and I am not vulnerable to liberal “claptrap.” One might say, spending too much time here, as a troll, can take its toll on one’s rock n roll. Don’t get any ideas, any of you, that my songs are going to begin to reflect weakness, or that my lyrics are going to begin to reflect an open mind towards any of you left-wing, bleeding heart, hostility-laden elitists. You may have dealt me one solid left-hook, butI’m still standing. Don’t get all excited thinking that this is the beginning of a TKO.

 
 

OK, I hate to be trumped by a bunch of left-wingers, but this time you’ve called my number. You’ve got my back against the corner. So much for loyalty to my own kind. You’ve forced me to be honest. Much of this appears incoherent. There, I said it. I hope you’re satisfied. I’m deeply ashamed that I had to be forced to be honest, rather than having it come natural, and that selfish political bias momentarily allowed me to defend the indefensible.

Right. Can you write a song about your feelings of shame and humiliation, please? And can you funkify it up…oh, let’s say…20%…with some 70’s cheesy electric guitar licks?

Make sure you give us the URL to the mp3 when you’re done, ok?….Doctor BLT.

 
 

Thanks, yagi. I think I sprained my pinky. Luckily, being a lefty, I just sit around eating imported bon-(ouch!)bons all day, so I’ll survive.

 
 

And I didn’t really mean that about your pony.

 
 

Shame is not something to flaunt. I have put the shame behind me, Mal de mer. I’m not even ashamed of what you refer to as “70’s cheesy electric guitar licks?” Have you ever heard of retro rock? I know you may have spent a little too much time here to know what’s going on in the real world, but 70’s retro rock is all the rage. I may just hold on to that mp3 until you’ve apologized for your insults.

 
 

I know you may have spent a little too much time here to know what’s going on in the real world, but 70’s retro rock is all the rage. I may just hold on to that mp3 until you’ve apologized for your insults.

Doctor, doctor (…give a me a clue, I’ve got a…bad case of…) Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes…Please, don’t take me seriously. I’m a big, loud-mouthed creep from some northern wasteland who was born in a barn and has the manners of a quaking bog. I apologise…unreservedly.

Now, as to the song, in keeping with with the 70’s, if you could rhyme Mal de mer, with either Cher or Cher’s hair, that would be awesome.

 
 

Apology accepted. I’m drawing blanks on the Mal de mer/Cher/Cher’s hair challenge. If inspiration hits, I’ll let you know. I am a big fan of Cher, and, her hair is not too bad either. By Mal de mer, now that’s rather difficult to find a matching rhyme for, even for somebody like me.

 
 

Mal de mer, nom de guerre, rocking in his rocking chair. If he weren’t so debonair, he would bare his derriere.

 
 

Those are all good. Also…Mer…mar..Moore? Hey, there’s a rich vein of lefty-slagging there. Feel free to mine it.

But, I’ll leave you and your muse alone.

…what’s that, Brad? Something that rhymes with Kittens of mass destruction? Well, I don’t know. BLT…er…Sehr geehrte Herr Doktor: Are you up to a challenge like that?

 
 

Dr. T, you would probably know this if you were American instead of Saskatoonian, but “midwest” is not hyphenated in this country, though it is sometimes capitalized. And I am willing to bet that at least some of us actually live in the midwest, or the Midwest. Let me check. Yes, as a matter of fact, by checking my driver’s license I can confirm that at least one of the lefties here lives in the midwest.

I admit I have never shoveled cow dung for a living (though I wonder if maybe I missed your point and that is a metaphor for your musical career). However, I have picked vegetables with migrant workers, which I think counts as an honest day’s work, fortified with eight essential American Values(tm).

By the way, I love it that you claim right-wing cred by noting that your song has offended liberals in the past. Mazel tov. Some — for instance, me — might say that’s emblematic of the whole right-wing mindset. The only surprise is that you are self-aware enough to acknowledge it.

 
 

Counterfeit altruists? Maybe it’s my old age but I never remembered seeing any Conservatives at the college Amnesty International meetings. We liberals were hating Saddam before it was en vogue.

 
 

I just can’t help myself: if you were to bare all, would we be smitten by ass seduction? What would be written of your gas production?

 
 

You tell him, Dan Someone. And while you’re at it, remind that creep, Dr. BLT that Saskatoon is actually a fairly progressive, sophisticated little city (not like that vulgar Regina) and that giving everyone the impression that it’s a bastion of rightwingism is absurd and egregious.

…though not as egregious as forgetting to spell mid-west with several capital letters and a hyphen.

 
 

“or, for that matter, worked an honest day in your life”

I have decided to reply only in Haiku.

Angry sandwich shrink
quickly dish, but cannnot take
go slow, grasshopper

 
 

Remember me, please
O button that I DID PRESS
again, no effect

 
 

Seventies retro
Tull, Boston, Foriegner, Yes.
each better than you

 
 

agrippa- appreciate the gas-saving tip!

 
 

Pastries revolting …
The pies are taking over!
Apple is in charge.

Oh, wait, that’s a Pie Coup.

 
 

…a song you may have already heard somewhere on a radio station somewhere in the heart of the mid-west (Oh, I forget, most of you have probably never been to the mid-west, or, for that matter, worked an honest day in your life—I mean real work, like milking cows, loading hay onto trucks, and shoveling cow dung). In any case, I know my song’s been aired, on at least one station and I know that it’s successfully offended a lot of left-wingers in the past.

Golly. I didn’t realize David Brooks was pseudonymously trolling us here. Doesn’t he have a column to write or something?

 
 

Before the flaccid complacency was noted for being shaken, there was this little digression:

“As it is, [Cindy Sheehan] plans a Kesey-esque bus trip to continue her strumpet in D.C. with the likes of Al Franken docu-dorking in a hopeless attempt at earning a nano-crumb of Wolfeian credibility. If your head weren?t so far up your ass you?d see this for the tragic liberal social comedy it is.”

Liberal though I may be, I am not insensible of the possible humor in such a scenario. However I am distracted by wondering at the meaning of someone “continuing her strumpet.” I must conclude that it’s an attempt to roll into one phrase the sense of someone aggravatingly “blowing her own horn (ie, trumpet),” causing a “rumpus,” and persisting in unseemly “strumpet-like” behavior. But is there an even subtler reference to “crumpet” or perhaps “a bit of crumpet,” which is not a term most associate with Ms. Sheehan?

I am startled to learn that Ms. Sheehan plans to travel around the country on a bus painted with psychedelic designs, dropping acid, and smoking pot. This must be so. There would nothing Kesey-esque or Merry Pranksterish about touring the country with the sober purpose of lobbying politically to bring troops home from a failed war by evoking the memory of one’s tragically dead son. The latter sounds positively grim.

I’m also puzzled that Mr. Franken doesn’t give his books less forthright titles than “Rush Limbaugh Is A Big Fat Idiot And Other Observations” and “Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them” if he’s trying to emulate Tom Wolfe.

 
 

I am startled to learn that Ms. Sheehan plans to travel around the country on a bus painted with psychedelic designs, dropping acid, and smoking pot.

When the Hells Angels take over the White House lawn, we’ll know she’s a prankster.

 
 

Dan, I’m not going to suggest that your mother employed fascist toilet training techniques or anything, but I am curious about your fascination and apparent obsession with grammatical minutiae. To me, this type of behavior is the opposite of sex.

 
 

Touche, Dr. Beef and Cheddar. Touche.

 
 

See, the thing is, pointing out your mixed metaphor really isn’t grammarianism. It’s literary criticism. Constructive literary criticism.

As for my mother, she was a proofreader, copy editor and editor, so my formative years were filled with marginal squiggles and stets. I come by my mutant ability to spot spelling, grammar and semantic errors honestly.

By the same token, I assume your musical talent is derived from your mother as well. Perhaps she was a torch singer in a Saskatoon saloon?

 
 

To me. literary criticism should be much deeper and more meaningful than the type of trivia you seem fixated upon. I’m sorry I insulted your mother, however. I obviously hit a sore spot. Perhaps we could both elevate our level of discourse beyond superficial minutiae and insulting each others mothers.

 
 

Dan, did you catch that period after “To me” in the above entry? Dan, I hate to break it to you, but your going to have to face the fact that the world is not a perfect place where every “t” is crossed and every “i” is dotted. In fact, in the art community, mistakes are much more interesting than coloring between the lines. how about if i increase my mistakes in order to provide. you. with-an oppertuniety to increese your level of imppperfection inntttolerence? I better not. It might just put you over the edge, and I don’t really need any more patients on my caseload.

 
Famous Soviet Athlete
 

refusing to have the balls to look into the future.

I thought that all you needed was a crystal ball.

 
 

“I’m not going to suggest that your mother employed fascist toilet training techniques or anything”

I’m not going to believe you anymore

 
 

Dr…

Dr?

Dr.

Where are your pals, Dr Klein and Dr Howard?

 
 

My mistake.

Calling Dr Howard, Dr Fine, Dr Howard

 
 

OK, now you’re just becoming tiresome. Many songwriters use literary/poetic techniques in their lyrics, and as such, they ought to appreciate a little hint that their metaphors are not quite up to snuff. But of course, reviewing your lyrics, I see that you choose the bludgeon approach to songwriting, preferring the didactic to the subtle or evocative. (How’s that for literary criticism?)

I do find it intriguing that after suggesting in one message that we rise above nitpicking, and not 20 minutes later, you post a second message defending against that same nitpicking despite the fact that nobody, least of all me, has even responded to your “error.” I wonder what a psychologist would say about that sort of behavior?

 
 

I advise we all stop engaging with Dr BLT. This bog is in danger of becoming all about him; clearly he already thinks it is. I’m done with the subject.

 
 

Do farms have to be in the midwest? Was there a memo or something? ‘Cause I hate to think that ours has been sitting there in northeast Virginia for 91 years now when we ought to be in Kansas, where we could get some real work done. But then, I’ve never milked a cow, since our cattle were all for beef, so I guess I wasn’t doing real work anyway. Note to self: no hardworking, down-to-earth people on the east coast. None at all.

 
 

To be perfectly candid, I am been just as guilty as any of you liberals in focusing in on minutiae, though my minutiae hasn’t been of the grammar variety. I have focused my comments on deflecting all of the rotten tomatoes you’ve been throwing at me and my songs. That’s been a waste of time. I believe that there is an issue we can all come together on, however, (though the more cynical among you may believe I am capitalizing on the devastation in New Orleans). Here’s a song for victims of that hurricane. I think we should all come together in supporting these folks(whether we’re leaning left or leaning right). Let’s all find a way to help these people through this turbulent period. Here’s my new song. You can beat it down, or get beyond your need to attack me, and unite with me in extending help to the victims. You can find my new song here:
New Orleans (In the Wake of Katrina)
words and music by Dr. BLT, (c) 2005
http://www.drblt.com/music/NewOrleansK.mp3

 
 

Damn. I thought his trolling here might at least prevent him from penning any more sonic sledgehammers for a while, but no such luck.

And now he’ll accuse me of being so anti-him that I can’t even put aside my animosity to reach out to the people whose lives were devastated by Katrina. As if a song he wrote in 30 seconds, with lyrics like “the headwinds broke the windows in your soul,” is some great Live Aid benefit that we should all rally around to show our support. (By the way, Dr. T, it sounds like you may have some geographic confusion going. Mississippi was indeed hit by Katrina, but New Orleans — the subject of your song — is in Louisiana.)

 
 

When it comes to Saddam being a murderer of his own citizens, I always like to trot out the fact that the Reagan Admin sent Saddam a list of ‘suspected Iraqi Communists’ to eliminate after his rise to power.

 
 

Dan, there’s nothing in my song that would suggest, even hint, that I am of the impression that New Orleans is in Mississippi. You must think that us folks from Saskatchewan are all a bunch of troglodytes. The fact is, students in Canada study the geography of the U.S. with intense interest. Students in the U.S., on the other hand, are rarely, if ever, informed that Canada even exists on the map. Your observation of my lyrics is quite a leap, I must say. But I’m not surprised. In any case, if you insist on, once again, missing the forest for the trees, go ahead and make that the central issue. In the meantime, you will have fellow bloggers focusing on what appears to be a small-minded peeing contest between us, instead of the overwhelming needs of folks afflicted by the hurricane.

 
 

“This bog is in danger of becoming all about him”

nah, just this thread. i promise.

Marie Jon’ still rocks our hearts.

I’d just hate for him to think he ‘helped’ us in his own passive aggressive pedantic high-road way.

 
glenstonecottage
 

I always like to trot out the fact that the Reagan Admin sent Saddam a list of ‘suspected Iraqi Communists’ to eliminate after his rise to power.

I hadn’t heard that before, Bwahahaha, thanks for the info.

BTW, exactly what kind of weapons did Rumsfeld sell Saddam during his visit in the eighties?

My impression was that they were the much-trumpeted WMD’s, but perhaps that’s false?

 
 

“I am been just as guilty as any of you liberals in focusing in on minutiae”

Again with the passive aggression. You really should see someone about this.

I’ve also noticed your the ONLY one focusing on the minutae.

“Someone set up us the bomb” seems perfectly appropriate after all.

 
 

link for glenstonecottage

http://tinyurl.com/88hfa

a pictures says…..

 
 

“This bog is in danger of becoming all about him”

nah, just this thread. i promise.

I’d just hate for him to think he ‘helped’ us in his own passive aggressive pedantic high-road way.
Thanks, whoever you are. (Dear Bog Leader?) Yeah, I fell for that for a minute. I thought he was really trying to be nice and extended an olive branch in return, but from his subsequent comments I realized that he only meant to create the opportunity to bring the attention back to him.It’s kind of sociopathic the way he seeks to manipulate the readers, playing on our sympathy one moment and then reaffirming an aggressive persona the next. One wonders how much his dabbling in the psychological arts informs his aims here.

 
 

Sorry, my italics tags got lost in the translation from Preview to Post.

 
 

Hey Dr. Grilled Cheese & Tomato on Rye with Dijon Mustard (No Pickle):

_I_ know where Canada is; it’s up there above latitude 54′ 40″, right? See? I didn’t get that G.E.D. after my name for nuthin’!

Which leads me to a liberal parable: James Polk’s “Fifty-Four Forty or Fight” campaign was classic conservative horse-poop. Total jingoistic, war-mongering nonsense that strutted and fretted its meaningless hour upon the stage, but with the perspective of history is seen (even by contemporary conservatives) to be what it was: total jingoistic, war-mongering nonsense. Which is pretty much what all conservative causes turn out to be, once history has managed (in spite of conservatives) to stagger on a few paces.

The world looks back a few decades in embarrassment; people say “Jeeze, imagine those silly reactionaries, threatening to go to war with Canada, passing their Jim Crow laws, denying women the vote, claiming that Social Security would destroy America, etc., etc.” And then the conservatives among us turn around and put their energies into being the “silly reactionaries” of today. Into becoming the embarrassment of tomorrow’s history.

Oh well, whatever. Let’s all get behind something we can agree on: That listening to bad music will make flood waters recede and rebuild destroyed houses and stuff.

 
 

Dan, there’s nothing in my song that would suggest, even hint, that I am of the impression that New Orleans is in Mississippi.

Well, let’s go to the tape:

New Orleans
What can we do for you today
‘Cuz Mississippi’s broken, bent and torn

New Orleans,
Mississippi lies in ruins
The aftermath will surely take its toll

New Orleans,
What can we do for you today
‘Cuz Mississippi’s broken, bent and torn

You say “New Orleans” a hell of a lot in that song, following it with a “Mississippi” reference three times (in three or four verses). And “Louisiana” appears in your song exactly zero times. The funny thing is, “Louisiana” (or “Looziana”) would scan just as well as “Mississippi.” So tell me, Dr. Saskatchewan Geographer, what’s with all the Mississippi?

 
 

Not to distract from the fascinating smackdown of the hapless Doctor, I’ll like to point out to him one thing:

We were correct. We were correct in 2002-03, we’re correct now and we’re going to be correct in 2892, when people shake their heads at the stupid Americans who drove themselves over a cliff for no good reason. Almost every single thing we tree-hugging, dope-smoking hippies warned about in this clusterfuck has come to pass. You peasants on the right? You were so busy getting boners over the possibility of another antiseptic TV war that you lost your minds. Well, go fuck yourselves.

 
 

Dan, you’ve embarked upon a circumlocutory journey that is obviously getting you nowhere. I know that you’re trying to get somewhere in your quest to discredit me. And it appears that you’re trying to be Someone. That’s why I’m surprised you didn’t interpret the ostensible geographical ambiguity in the song as a deliberate, sinister plan on my part to throw you for a loop, in an effort to reveal just lost you are in the forest that you can’t seem to see for the trees. Please!

Lucy, (I’m tempted to add “In the Sky with Diamonds): I don’t know what you’ve just dropped, but it appears it was the cyanide of cynicism, not LSD. I assure you that by writing a song about the victims in New Orleans and in Mississippi (notice I didn’t say New Orleans, Mississippi),I meant you no harm. Remember, I’m just a “singing troll.” Ignore me (or, try to), even if you think my motives are sinister, and that I’m a bad, bad man. Let’s all just focus on what’s really important— the needs of those struck by this hurricane. Can we agree that even if I am the evil, illiterate, troglodyte from the prairies of Saskatchewan that doesn’t know New Orleans from Walla Walla, Washington (spell check, Dan?) that we all have an obligation to recognize and respond to human suffering when we see it?

 
 

more haiku for you
guilt trips are the new yellow
look! over there! Dan!

 
 

Dear Bog Leader? Me?
you must be confused because
I talk so damn much

 
 

“Can we agree that even if I am the evil, illiterate, troglodyte from the prairies of Saskatchewan that doesn’t know New Orleans from Walla Walla, Washington”

put words in our mouths
passive straw man aggression
tools bore me to tears.

 
 

You say potato, Dan Quale and me say potatoe. You say New Orleans, Louisianna. I say, New Orleans, Mississippi. Potato/potatoe, New Orleans, Louisianna/New Orleans, Mississippi. Did you ever read deeper into the possible reason for the apparent geographical ambiguity in the song? Was I, for example, suggesting that the hurricane was so severe that it was, figuratively speaking, causing all boundaries in the area to be washed out, rendering names of cities and no longer meaningful or relevant? I suppose I have no right to ask you to think that deeply about a song by a right-wing folk singer with half a brain, if that. I’m not putting words in anybody’s mouth. Those are the words I’ve learned to apply to myself, now that you folks have taken me down a notch and caused me see myself for the troglodyte that I really am.

 
 

I meant to say “rendering names of cities and towns.” Hopefully, Dan and his coterie of grammar police are not paying attention.

 
 

I am rapidly discrediting myself here. Maybe its more than my grammar that’s falling apart. Correction to the above correction: Two entries above, I meant to say, “rendering cities and states…”

 
 

Y’know, I thought of that, Dr. Pot. I really did. I thought “Well, maybe he’s trying to point out that Katrina devastated more than just New Orleans, that it did extensive damage to neighboring Mississippi as well.” But then I listened to the song a second time (sorry, I probably messed up your stats) and I realized that (a) the song title is “New Orleans” and (b) you mention New Orleans in every verse and (c) you repeat “New Orleans” approximately forty times during the song and (d) you have a line that says “New Orleans, what can we do for you today because Mississippi’s broken, bent and torn.” The whole damn song is about New Orleans, and for some reason Mississippi’s problems lead to the question of what “we” can do to help New Orleans. That smacks of geographical confusion, my friend. It’s OK. You can admit it. You wrote the song in half a minute, you were rushed, you didn’t realize that “Louisiana” would scan just fine… whatever. It’s not a major error, and it’s not the reason I think you’re a hack.

 
 

you are rapidly dissebmling yourself here, anyhow

 
 

BLT, shut the fuck up and donate money to the Red Cross at http://www.redcross.org, then pray to whatever excuse for a sky god you worship to forgive you for using this hurricane to feel better about yourself by writing a song. And do not, I repeat, do not try any psychologizing on me. You’re out of your league. I live in Baton Rouge and I’m hurting about what’s happening in New Orleans. I would love to take out that anger by humiliating you in an intellectual fight. So please, go ahead, write some pathetic shit about Piaget to me, you half-wit. You wouldn’t last three exchanges.

 
 

Let’s suppose, for the sake of argument, that my song smacks of geographical confusion. Have you ever known something good to come out of something imperfect? It seems like if I were actually trying to help people with this song, and I were geographically confused as you suggest, you folks that are focusing on what you regard as a fundamental flaw in the song, and therefore, cannot get behind something that may have the potential to help somebody. That is of course, assuming that I have the capacity for compassion, and of course everybody knows that this is not possible in a conservative. You want me to admit to being geographically ignorant, but that is not the real issue. You seem to have the need to discredit eveything I do. It doesn’t matter how grammatically correct or geographically correct or how correct or incorrect I was in any other dimension. You would seek to discredit me and my songs. Why? Because I believe you would rather be a cynical spectator than put yourself out there, take creative risks of your own, and make yourself vulnerable in the public eye. There are chinks in your armor. You just won’t let anybody see them.

 
 

Because I believe you would rather be a cynical spectator than put yourself out there, take creative risks of your own, and make yourself vulnerable in the public eye.

Oh really, Bruce? Plug my name into Amazon, buy any one of my books, then come back here and talk some more. Like I said above, I’m itching for a good fight. Not that you would be able to provide it, but still, it might be instructive for the S,N crowd to see you fight with another PhD. So please, send some big words my way.

 
 

disemblation, dis-em-b-lay-ay-tion

Is makin’ me late

(beat beat, beat beat)

Is keepin’ me way-ay-ay-tin’

 
 

There you go again, John. Why do you think that feeling the suffering of those in New Orleans gives you the right to be disrespectful, rude and openly hateful? Dan thinks he’s so smart as he stands by smuggly and correct me on my grammar, my geography, and anything else that allows them to feel they have discredited me. Quite frankly he I wouldn’t go so far as to call him the Grammar Nazi, but on a good day, he reminds me of Mary Tyler Moore’s character in the movie, Ordinary People. But his penchant for missing the forest for the trees is OK with me. At least he has the decency to approach me with a modicum of respect. He may be anal retentive, but you are just plain hostile. I’m sorry, this may not be a good time to inform you of that, but you should know that while it is OK to grieve over the suffering in New Orleans, even to feel angry about it, it’s not OK to take out the grief with hostility and disrespect towards fellow bloggers, even ones you may regard as illegitimate trolls.

 
 

Doc, if you’re trying to overload the server here, a DoS attack would be quicker

 
 

I’ll just repeat what I said in the other thread. Bruce, you are a buffoon. I tell you I’m mad at the hurricane and want to pick a fight with you and you tell me I want to pick a fight with you because I’m mad at the hurricane! Brilliant. I’m hostile and disrespectful to you because you’re so stupidly proud of yourself for writing a song about the hurricane. That and all your posts here are simply attempts to demonstrate to the world your talents and your bravery in posting those songs at S,N as well as the nobility of your spirit in caring enough about the victims to write a song about them. Who wouldn’t be enraged at such crap?

 
 

I’m not going to take the bait, John, tempting though it may be. Go ahead and see me any way you want to see me. Let’s get back to the issue of how we can all help the victims of the hurricane. I would like to help and would like to encourage others to help. Apparently you see my song and the sinister motives you attribute to it as something that only adds insult to injury. If you have a better plan besides directing folks to the Red Cross (which is, mind you, a pretty good place to start) I’m all ears. Go back to a new entry I’ve made in the Renew America thread if you’re not feeling too cynical to accept a sincere apology.

 
 

By the way, Doc, you seem to have both (a) overestimated how much time and effort I put into responding to you and (b) underestimated what I do away from this little section of the Internets as regards New Orleans. You might want to turn down your holier-than-thou dial a bit.

 
 

Whatever you are doing for the people in the region, John, I applaud your efforts. I do not consider myself holier than you, but I’m not accustomed to being approached with such hostility. I want to do whatever I can to help be a part of the solution as it pertains to hurrican victims. Any suggestions you might have, would be welcome.

 
 

Per the typo, “hurrican” above, I meant to say hurricane. I thought I’d catch that before the Spelling/Grammar/Geography Gestapo discovered it.

 
 

I’m more interested in the fact that you mistook me for John than in whether you missed hitting the ‘e’ on your keyboard.

By the way, I’m trying to find the last message where somebody carped about your spelling or grammar, and I’m having trouble. If it happened, it was pretty clearly a while ago. Have you developed some kind of persecution complex about your writing skills (to go along with the one you apparently already have about your singing and songwriting talent and your political views)?

 
 

Dan, if I mistook you for John on a prior entry, it’s probably because you cynical folks are all beginning to sound the same. In fact, I’m beginning to become hardened and cynical myself, as a result of hanging out here for too long. As per your reference to the Gestapo remark, I don’t remember mentioning your name in those entries. I find it rather odd that you would assume I was referring to you, unless of course the shoe fits. As for all that talk about complexes, perhaps I should be using the term “Poser” alternatively with “Gestapo.” You see, I am getting hardened and cynical from hanging around here for too long.

 
 

By the way, Dan, this should really make you feel like Someone: I’ve created a “geographically correct” version of the blog song, “New Orleans (In the Wake of Katrina)” That’s right, after reflecting on my initial decision to introduce the metaphor about the state boundaries and city limits all being washed away due to the hurricane, I decided that there may just be more folks out there like you that just don’t get it 🙂

So here it is, for your listening displeasure, (I’m sure you’ll find something else to pick apart). We wouldn’t want this song to actually raise awareness about the victims or to persuade somebody to donate money now would we?—especially if the song was written by a conservative. After all, everybody knows the term “compassionate conservative” is an oxymoron. Here’s the link again, Dan so go at, find the next fundamental flaw:

New Orleans (In the Wake of Katrina): The Geographically Correct Edition: words and music by Dr. Bruce L. Thiessen, aka Dr. BLT (c) 2005 (new edition inspired by Dan Someone):
http://www.drblt.com/music/NewOrleansK.mp3

 
 

I think I preferred Tom Baker as the Doctor.

This guy is too righteous and reactionary.

Like Trollypants, but with fewer exclamation points.

 
 

Oh, Doctor. You’re so silly. I merely asked why you are so sure you will be persecuted by grammarians. I never thought you had singled me out as one of them, and I didn’t say I did. But it’s obvious that you’re concerned about it, or you wouldn’t keep going back and scouring your own messages for typos and notifying us that you caught them.

As for your new song, mazel tov. But I don’t think I’ll be bothering to download it because I’ve heard the old version and really, there’s no need. As I noted before, you have way overestimated how much time and energy I am willing to invest in discussing you or anything you do. A note here, a note there, sure. Nothing more.

 
 

Dan, I when it comes to how much time and energy you invest in discussing me or anything I do, I’ll take whatever I can get and hold every moment dear to my heart.

 
 

Sadly, Yes.

(and I try to avoid using those)

 
 

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