Just Like That River Twisting Through A Dusty Land
Posted on February 7th, 2009 by Gavin M.
Shorter Sandy Rios:
- I was minding my own business provoking homosexuals on the Tyra Banks Show when I was victimized by gay hate-booing.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Tintin adds:
Time-Dimensional Study in Big Wingnut Hair: A Sandy Rios Triptych
transferring data from site.clownhall.net
Dirty dirt bags, full of dirt.
The Culture Campaign is the successor to the Culture Club, I think.
From across the studio 50 feet away, Tyra accused me of “looking” insensitive.
Sheesh, Tyra, give her a break: her face ALWAYS looks like that.
As Gandhi or whoever they like to be inspried by these days said:
First they laugh at you; then they fight you; then they spend half a century brutally taking your innocent and perfectly reasonable discrimination, politicized hysteria, beatings, rape, murder, and the gradual erosion of even the most basic parental rights totally out of context – and then you declare victory from behind the shit moat.
Wiser words were never spoken.
Yeah, Geez…why can’t gays accept the fact that they are disgusting, immoral, and going straight to Hell with some grace and class?
It’s not that we don’t LIKE gay people.. it’s just that they’re not ENTIRELY human beings. Why do they have to be so intolerant of people pointing that out?
Is stupid the new dumb?
Dick is the new black.
Surprised?
Too bad. A hovering ad over her column could not be dismissed by clicking in the “close” boxes, making the column all but impossible to read. That she would write for a website that craptacularly incompetent kind of says it all. Poor little douchenoodle!
Poor Sandy. Must be the vagina dentata.
…or the inability to distinguish between “whose” and “who’s”.
Saved y’all the click.
Alright, we’re going to draw straws. Short one has to put on the goggles & do a recon at the “new” Culture Campaign website. Of course, when these people say “new,” there’s no telling what they mean, as time often passes more slowly in their world.
And best wishes w/ that. The more nitwits crawling out of the woodwork the better. And of course, the fact that these concerned citizens have never been concerned enough to be involved in public policy before is central to Ms. Rios’s point.
A hovering ad over her column could not be dismissed by clicking in the “close” boxes, making the column all but impossible to read.
I’ve had the same problem at ClownHall, although the absence of the pop-up doesn’t necessarily make it any easier to read the columns.
Best quote / exchange:
Somehow, this is terribly unsurprising.
.
M. Bouffant:
I took a peek…the have something called “The Tool Box” over there.
hhhmmmmm….
Culture Campaign, an exciting new non-profit
“exciting?”
No, don’t make me. Goggles or not, I ain’t going there.
The underground railway is fabulous.
Yes, I’ve been totally out of commission since Sandy’s father, brothers, minister and Shetland pony got through with me.
Yes, even the studliest of conservative studs couldn’t penetrate two layers of wetsuit.
That column has my very favorite comment ever:
For goodness’ sake, people ! If we don’t do something fast, those homos will start raping angels! WE CAN’T ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN.
My friends and I don’t hate homosexuals. Really, we don’t. We hate the sin but love the sinner, just like Jesus said to do. Or maybe that was James Dobson. I get those two mixed up a lot.
Anyway, we don’t hate homosexuals. It’s just that homosexuals have this way of…existing. You know what I mean. Their bodies take up space and consume oxygen and give off heat and reflect light, just like they were normal people or something, and it’s just so annoying.
So I’ll make homosexuals a deal. All they have to do is teleport themselves instantly to an alternative universe, where my sweet, sensitive friends and I never have to see, hear or think about them again, and we’ll let them marry, adopt and do whatever they want. That’s fair, isn’t it?
These paper cuts really sting. I sure wish Sandy would find a more conventional place to store her Bible.
Good old Sandy Rios. Still doing valiant battle with the Culture Shaping Giants.
You know, there’s a difference between Sandy choosing to live without sex at the moment but with the potential to still be in love and have sex someday when she gets married, and her ideal world where gays never even get that. They just get to accept that even if they *do* find love, they have to deny it and still not have sex.
You might as well walk up to starving children and say, “Well, I’m on a diet, so I know you kids can go without food, too.”
Did that commentor on “Sodom and Gom” say “forced sex” or “false sects”? This is important, as it has led to confusion in the past.
Holy schmoley! That “judiciary” picture on her site is straight out of The Protocols.
Maybe she can get Max Boot to write an article about the Chicoms inventing a Gay Ray to destroy ‘Murka.
For goodness’ sake, people ! If we don’t do something fast, those homos will start raping angels! WE CAN’T ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN.
What’s best is how Lot tried to subdue the rapists (Genesis 19:6-8):
Yes, Lot offered up his daughters to be raped, if only the evil bad gay men would leave the angels alone.
Truly, this is virtue, especially compared to the horrible vileness of two middle-aged men who’ve been partners for 25 years having a piece of paper confirming it.
Tried to break down the door of Lot and his family in order to have forced sex with the strangers(angels). That is how bad homosexuals can get. It also shows how patient God is.
The angels started it, or hasn’t she ever heard of the Nephilim?
No, don’t, Sandy! Those* are rolled in alum!
(*can be anything. She’s so uptight I bet her toes are permanently curled.)
From the Kultur Kampf blog.
Are the sexcapadists gnashing their teeth a s well?
Rios has been featured here before, by the way. One from Brad and one from the Artist Formerly Known as Clif.
That is one dusty land there alright. (Just got it. Can’t fool me forever, damnit!)
Yes, Lot offered up his daughters to be raped, if only the evil bad gay men would leave the angels alone.
I’m seriously doubting ‘Joycey’s’ pastor read that part to her.
“Then my ally, “Karen,” made a fatal mistake. She made mention of God and the Bible. Like a cross held before the blood-induced stupor of a new vampire, the rage began. The female attorney went on a tirade about how irrelevant the Bible was today. Then a young, gay white man was recognized by Tyra. He said his father had just beaten him for being gay marrying a black woman because the Bible had instructed him to do so. He wept uncontrollably, but it was difficult to tell if the story was genuine or if he was a member of the Screen Actor’s Guild […] The show became a free for all. The bottom line was that homosexuals interracial couples are victims and the three of us—along with the mom and dad in the earlier segment—were insensitive hateful, standing in the way of full happiness for all homosexuals interracial couples.
I wish to personally apologize to Sandy. I need to speak to her face to face to make my apology. I must recite my many sins of the gayflesh in extreme detail. All of them – meaning all the times as well as all the ways. I will probably have to tie her up first but so be it.
Please, Sandy please, can’t I make my apology?
Also, FYWP with Sandy Rios’ 8″ clitoris.
NO!! I love that album still. You know you’re old and lame when you still work out to “Rio” but you now listen to the goofy sax solo.
P.S. does anyone here get as much hate mail as me, or am I just that fucking annoying?
Fuck, how do you get the stikethrough to work in fucking WordPress, which blows interracial goats?
Use the word “strike,” Joe Max.
Joe, I think you need to know that the [s] tag don’t work here, FYWP very much. Try [strike]
7 and said, “No, my friends. Don’t do this wicked thing
I reject your non-KJV translation!!
Like a cross held before the blood-induced stupor of a new vampire, the rage began.
Does Sandy Rios write ‘Twilight’ slash-fic under her own name, or a pseudonym?
You fools! Are you blind?! Don’t you realize what’s happening here?!
Sandy Rios knows!
It’s not easy being a fertile young plant for leftist fodder.
inch by inch gained a footing…
I first read that as “gained a footlong”. Damn schemers and their scheming schemes.
they schemed and planned and, moment by moment, inch by inch gained a footing…
Then they gained a yardling, and before you know it they’re on your lawn!
when radicals who were often synonymous with communists
I’m sometimes synonymous with communists, but I’m really trying to cut down.
As those frustrated radicals came of age… they slowly infiltrated… they learned to agitate…
Hey, lady, t’ain’t me who’s frustrated. And I leave the agitation to my washing machine.
They know who their inspiration is… Lucifer.
Bwahahahahaha! I’d so love to meet this woman, preferably at a party. I have a lamentable tendency to wind up these idiots when I’m a bit shikkered. And she seems like such prime, rich material for amusement.
More “Obama is the AntiChrist” stuff? If he shaved his head to prove there aren’t any sixes on it, they will still come up with a way to trot out this very tired and manure-spotted pony.
I first read that as “gained a footlong”. Damn schemers and their scheming schemes.
So that’s how those nefarious gays are going to corrupt all our goodly, god-fearin’ offspring, eh?
You guys will never guess what movie I just saw.
Hey, I see that RedPussy75 appeared again after I schooled his wuss-boy ass.
Where is he? My baby needs some cowardly conservative SUV to eat.
Tintin’s triptych:
Why I hate America.
That’s two, two emaciated blonde attention whores! Ha, ha, ha! [Thunder]
Oh, Donald!
Before you tell me I forgot Debbie Schlussel, I don’t think she’s especially emaciated.
Sandy: As a heterosexual female whose had to live without sex, I assure you, you can.
Misery loves company!
they schemed and planned and, moment by moment, inch by inch gained a footing…
I imagine the “Jack Rabbit” got quite the workout when she wrote this.
Somewhere along the way while most of us were enjoying our precious freedoms, taking kids to soccer, ordering pizza and listening to our iPods, there was another group of people who were at work to destroy America…
Radicals had iPods in the ’50s? Was this reverse-engineered tech from the Roswell crash?
Not that anyone could rank all our precious freedoms, but certainly iPod listening is more important than any but the first five Amendments to the Constitution.
Pizza Ordering? I dunno. Do you do it on your iPhone?
Our precious freedoms have nothing on our precious bodily fluids.
And now their plans have found the perfect personification in the handsome and charismatic Senator Barack Obama. But while he seems to bring new inspiration, their philosophy is as old as time. They know who their inspiration is… Lucifer.
Hey, if gay is the new black, is black the new Satanic? Or is that just an old saw, dusted off and displayed next to the shit moat?
People in foreign countries are not permitted to take their kids to soccer, order pizza, or listen to iPods. I’m looking at you, Italy
a fertile young plant for leftist fodder.
In Culture Campaign circles it is never too early in the day to start mixing cocktails or metaphors.
if those are snaps of rios, she’s had loads of plastic surgery. she must be pushing 60 by now. where are the jowls?
That one was mixed in the blender w/ the cocktails.
I’m seriously doubting ‘Joycey’s’ pastor read that part to her.
I’m seriously doubting that part would have disturbed “Joycey” in the least. Mix a “God said it, I believe it, End of Story” mindset with the self-loathing of a devalued, Christiany female and you get a young woman who’d believe the rape of Lot’s daughters would be justified if it meant homo sex were avoided.
Or is that just an old saw, dusted off and displayed next to the shit moat?
My lack of interest in Sandy Rios’ sex toys. Let me show you it.
Somewhere along the way while most of us were enjoying our precious freedoms, taking kids to soccer, ordering pizza…
I ordered a pizza tonight and I clearly said pickup. Just as I was leaving to get it, the delivery guy pulls up with my pizza. Not only didn’t I have the money to pay him (I was planning to hit an ATM on the way), I had to tip him $3. Then I had to call in my credit card number to pay for the pizza.
The guy who screwed up my order infringed on my precious freedom to order pizza. He must be Lucifer.
Christiany female and you get a young woman who’d believe the rape of Lot’s daughters would be justified if it meant homo sex were avoided.
Well, the incest of Lot with those daughters doesn’t seem to bother them much.
She uses communists to agitate them away.
Well then, Bitter Scribe, you shouldn’t have ordered the Fetus Lovers.
‘Marriage’ is indeed an exercise in religiosity, which is why those dreary pesky feminists started deriding it way back (at least to the time of Elizabeth Cady Stanton, author of “The Woman’s Bible,” in the late 1800s) as a Christly-flavored slavery. Which is why so many revulsed hippie-era couples started “living together” (scandalous in its day, trust me) rather than take part in a godbag ritual that proclaimed women property. So what I’m getting to is, rather than even bring the Jeezoids into it, perhaps what needs to be agitated for is civil rights for civil unions. Fuck churchy marriage horseshit. Isn’t it about the insurance benefits, the legal niceties, the ability to claim, you know, human rights of being with someone you love, etc., with or without the godbaggery? I’m not saying this very well, but basically, amend laws so that civil unions bestow the same rights upon WHOEVER wants to couple up with WHOEVER ELSE. Unless you’re gay/lesbian and really really want that big church wedding, which I confess i don’t get at all anyway.
loads of plastic surgery
Note also that she’s shot from a higher angle so we can’t get a good look under the chin. And that her eyes are about to disappear into her skull.
I might go so far as to call cheekbone implants, but that’s awfully mean. Could be Velcro.
Also useful, if not used; sticky tape, Preparation H.
In Soviet Union, jowls agitate YOU!
Caption for middle image in triptych:
Hah! When I gain those ruby slippers, my power will be the greatest in Oz!
The power vested, as they say, in religious leaders to perform “marriage” as a legal contract should be taken away. After all, even if a couple is married only by a rabbi/whatever, they have to get their divorce, divide their spawn, property, etc. through the civil or family or whatever court system.
So let people get “married,” civil union-ed, or contracted to each other in the legal system. (Really, no way the gummint can say no to consenting adults.) They can file papers, sign a certificate, what have you. Have a thing w/ a Justice of the Peace or Wedding Commissioner if you so mis-trust your spouse-to-be that there must be a public ceremony.
If you think you need permission from Jesus, Buddha, whomever, to have the sex w/ someone else, go right ahead & have a minister bond you to each other for eternity. And said minister/potentate will never be forced by the government to marry anyone s/he doesn’t want to. Market forces, on the other hand? We’ll see.
My favorite thing is that she regards interracial sex, even within the context of marriage, as degenerate sexcapades.
God save Jesus from his fan-club and their terrible slash.
I’m just waiting for the catering/florist lobby to catch on to the enormous unexploited potential of gay weddings. It’s an economic boon waiting to happen, I tells ya!
It makes it all the stranger that Republicans would hook up with the social conservatives, when so many of their dearly held prejudices are economic poison.
Talk about your unholy unions…
they schemed and planned and, moment by moment, inch by inch gained a footing…
slowly I turned … step by step … inch by inch …
You really didn’t need to put the years on the image, you know. With those hairstyles, the information’s basically there twice now.
Hey M. B.
Re: permission to marry. Buddha is a pretty bad example, as a non-deity that would advise you that marriage is attachment to the ephemeral, attachment is suffering. Buddha (or a Buddha) wouldn’t condemn marriage (since the love of another human is the only love that pleases all senses — wink wink), but neither would it be insisted upon.
Here’s some relevant reading: http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/dhammananda/marriage.html
As a heterosexual female whose [sic] had to live without sex, I assure you, you can.
This, I think, is the basic problem. No one could possibly doubt that Ms. Rios has gone a long, long, long, long, LONG time without sex. The only sane* response to which of course is: “Yeah, but why would you want to, if you didn’t have to?”
_______________
*stipulating that this individual is not sane.
Basically. The hilarious thing about the anti-gay-marriage astroturf is that it’s one of a number of campaigns by a small minority of Christians orbiting the Southern Baptist Convention to beat the entire communion into playing by their doctrinal rules, no matter how petty. Thus the obsession with deviant sex, the increasingly strident PMD-eschatological anti-Semitism, vicious misogyny, and general adoption of every plank of the Klan platform that still has a modern equivalent.
Even within the Southern Baptist church, all of this is dodgy at best – it’s the specific set of priorities of what slacktivist’s Fred Clark calls “the bishops” – people who got to a position of national religious prominence by moving merchandise, the ugly stepchild of telemarketer and televangelist. Dobson is one of these; they’re generally capitalist idiots with a bug up their ass about proving how much Jesus loves them, and therefore they’ll get to take all their money up to Heaven with them when they die. So intra-sect it’s basically a case of jumped-up QVC men buying out every church they can get their hands on and shutting the door on the people who actually know what they’re talking about, especially when they get inconvenient to the local Republican Party. (Especially in the Southern milieu, up until the 80s social conservatism was taken for granted; the Democrats were economically progressive and the Republicans sucked up to their NY-Wash capitalist masters for a living.)
Outside of that specific sect, it’s an ongoing effort to make Christianity be about what the Baptist money-bishops want it to be about – a crude prosperity gospel married to whatever social policies the GOP finds convenient and an extremely flexible attitude towards justice. It’s never been a particularly successful behavior in terms of numbers – the Moral Majority and its spawn never amounted to more than 20% of the electorate, and between 70 and 80% of Americans are Christians of some kind – but it has done an excellent job of reframing things. Their hang-ups become ‘fundamentalist Christianity’, become ‘biblical literalism’, become ‘a literal interpretation of the Book of Revelations’, and people in the media unthinkingly pass on the claim that Jesus dying to clear the way for a Russo-Ethiopian war on Israel is how the Bible works.
And outside of Christianity, there’s even less of substance here. The tradition against lesbian marriage in Judaism is extremely weak and they’re much more open about historical same-sex relationships than the Christers are, and both the clergy and the laity tend to be much less socially conservative or dogmatic than the Christians.
So the upshot is that, because Sandy Rios knows in Jesus’s house are many McMansions and those don’t come cheap, she has no choice but to assume total authority over who can marry which Jew.
(Wait, is she black? Oh my God, that’s not how it works. Unwrap the damn glass and get out of here.)
Time again to quote Alex Comfort’s description of ‘marriage’ as “a dog license issued by God or by the state, neither of which entities I recognise”.
[one of these days I’ll re-read “Come Out to Play” to check his actual wording].
A truly gritty little column. I wondered what Sandy was dune these days.
Bitter Scribe: As the mother of a pizza-deliverer, may I say blessings upon you for tipping anyway and not taking the screw-up out on the hapless driver.
My son has a political theory of pizza-delivery tippers, which is basically: Liberals, even those in the lesser zip codes, are the best tippers. Conservatards in the McMansions, on the other hand, can fuck themselves.
Sheesh indeed; one tries to be inclusive & throw a sop to the insignificant (w/in the U. S. of A.) number of Gautama fans & one gets a lecture & a link. [Stomps in highest dudgeon.]
My only question is: This world of illusion, do we all share it? Are each of us hallucinating the same thing, or are all of you & everything else just a sad delusion inside my brain?
I’m not sad.
Speaking of which, I just saw an ad for something called the “Fox Reality Channel.”
I mean, isn’t that similar to the matter & anti-matter colliding on Star Trek?
I recall Scotty warning that it would be a bad thing.
I wondered what Sandy was dune these days.
the vicious beatch is in the culture wars arena.
Alternate shorter Sandy Rios: “Tyra Banks doesn’t know what the queers are doing to the soil!”
Bitter Scribe: As the mother of a pizza-deliverer, may I say blessings upon you for tipping anyway and not taking the screw-up out on the hapless driver.
Hey, I’m just happy I didn’t try to leave one minute earlier.
My world of illusion is more brightly-coloured.
[Insert “pigments of the imgination” joke here]
Are we meant to take that littorally?
I’m not sad.
No, not at all, it’s my delusion that you all exist that’s sad.
Quickly – spread some trollbane about, wouldja?
blart
Do not go near the steaming pile.
In England Sandy is known as the Dene of Beatches.
I shore hope you get my drift.
Actually, we do all live in our own world of illusion, but the world itself is real.
Trying to live in a world that is mostly illusion, instead of seeking to find out as much as possible about how reality works, is how we have wingnuts.
My limited understanding is that it is a shared delusion. Runs the gamut from conventional multiverse to basic brain-in-a-jar stuff to extreme solipsism.
However, the even theoretical ability to achieve enlightenment through experience in this world suggests that this world at least contains and perhaps is a reflection of the true, higher state of things: an oblivion of perfect balance. Also, the requirements for that enlightenment (reincarnation, negation of the self) suggest that, illusory though the world is, it is – adding insult to injury – subjective, with a corrupt underlying reality perceived dimly and differently through all of our eyes.
I try to keep up with my theology, but American Buddhism tends unfortunately towards Mr. Most Likely To Be Conflated With Gandhi By Western Idiots, so my knowledge is extremely remedial. What can you do.
iPods, Walkmans, What-EV-er. She’s still trying to figure out how to turn the memory chip over to play the other side. Sounds even better in dobly.
A bit of surfing reveals that she’s a real crab, the little shrimp. And probably a sponge, soaking up the wingnut welfare. A real cold fish, that one.
I know, M. I was joshing you, as any good delusion would. Don’t forget which delusions keep their noncorporeal noses to the figmental grindstones when annual review time comes around.
Hey M. B.,
The four “mainstream” Buddhist sects believe we are sharing the same universal reality. Illusory is a metaphor for the impermanence of mortal/earthly existence in the context of universal oneness.
In general, I only like to chip into threads to provide some factual commentary — like pointing out that funding space science obviously provides dividends (and economic stimulus); correcting that totally false notion that IP assignment was random; or that Buddha would have cared if you get married. If I ever come off as a douche, know that I never intend it that way.
If everyone would rather, I could feed the trolls or something instead.
Umm, I’m willing to guess that about 70-80% of the catering/florist lobby is already hip, if you know what I mean?
Hey Quadruple B,
Here’s another fact: I love the Dead Milkmen. Burrow Owl! Burrow Owl!
Hey, hi there!! without any preliminary reading of this thread, I have to tell you that I am in a hotel in the Olde South, having a last drink in my room after hanging out in the bar.
There are three groups who have meetings in this hotel this weekend. 1) High School Football Coach Trainers. 2) A cheerleading/dance association. 3) Performing arts venues managers.
The scene in the bar was …. kewl.
Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! Everybody knows, the BURROW OWL LIVES…IN A BURROW…IN THE GROUND!!!!
I try to keep up with my theology
Your own theology? Interesting, but don’t put me on any lists yet.
Tibet was like Rome for a while there. But “we” like emperors & noble, romantic exiles.
And don’t worry, all, I kid. I doubt if I’d type a word if I were truly offended,& for a made-up name & persona in the middle of a digital something or other to be offended by a similar construct would be sillier than even I am willing to be.
Stupid liberals
knowcare nothing about Gandhi.Oh, and you know, it’s an atrium-type building? so that loud-mouthed cheerleader mom who’s drunk on cosmopolitans down in the lobby bar – I can hear her blabbing still from up here in my 6th floor room.
Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
Well, yes, there was even that musical/video with several celebrities pointing out that very angle.
My greater point is that Republicans, despite all their protestations to the contrary, take really really really stupid stances on economic issues.
But that was also a Duh, wasn’t it?
So, g, which of these groups are you planning to sex up? If all of them, that’s pretty damn superb.
And, Sheesh, if my memory serves me correctly, you mentioned Neil Degrasse Tyson in a previous thread… if you’re anywhere near NYC in mid-March, he’ll be giving a free lecture at the Bell House, a bar/nightclub in Brooklyn.
g, you’re very lucky you weren’t at a hotel that might have had this sort of group. (Since you haven’t read the whole sordid mess.) Though that Football Coach thing might be …
It’s always 1967 for Sandy.
It’s always 1967 for Sandy.
That AquaNet… it did something to her.
loud-mouthed cheerleader mom who’s drunk on cosmopolitans down in the lobby bar
Be still, my beating heart!!
I didn’t mention Neil Degrass Tyson, that must have been somebody else. Did someone mention him? I’ll have to look him up.
And as for who I plan to sex up….um… cancel out the one that I have a professional association with, cancel out the one whose members posture and behave like jerks, and cancel out the one whose members are drunken maniacs, and…..the answer is none.
But they’re all fun to hang out with, all the same! And it makes for some interesting juxtapositions at the Concierge’s desk!
My brother picked up Tyson’s book on Pluto this afternoon. I was considering buying it, too, ’cause I’ve always liked Mickey’s dog, but I can borrow it from him later…
Stupid liberals know nothing about Jesus.
He hung around with men all day – and in 765, he had the temerity to lecture a series of religious teachers on the Law and make living creatures out of clay. Who’s the big-shot super-Jew now?
During his honeymoon period in the 780s, he destroyed a tree that refused to feed him, probably bankrupting some fruit guy. At the time, eyewitness reports confirm he was a total homo, continuing to fag it up with his “disciples”. This went so far that even as he was rightly being executed (after so heinously incensing the public with his prattle about exalting the low and being made of water and light and shit, and all that nonsense about a series of wacky masters believed to be a precursor to today’s sitcoms, in and of itself a hanging offense) for being a general asshole, he continued to chat up a series of naked thieves, going so far as to offer to hook up with one after death somehow.
Oral tradition suggests that in 786, his queerness went so far that he came back from the dead to hang out with his favored men, only to wig out because some chick saw him.
He’s been hanging naked behind men in dresses ever since.
you’re very lucky you weren’t at a hotel that might have had this sort of group
Not at all, M. Boufffant. I am in the event management business. It would certainly add to my body of knowledge to know the logistics of organizing such an event. Do they do seminars? Demonstrations? Mixers? I would think there is much revenue to be earned by many specialty vendors.
Hey g,
I mentioned the other day that I love him. Neil deGrasse Tyson that is.
can we at some point just say “suck our asses, SUCKERS!HAHA”
I think I did that today already. Lordy only knows the state of things in my state of things,…..
And it makes for some interesting juxtapositions at the Concierge’s desk!
I am interested in your views and would like to see the limited-edition version with the illustrations by Chris Foss.
When I was a lad I decided to start a religion devoted exclusively to fisticuffs. Of course, unlike Palahniuk, I grew out of it.
Our Ruritanian romances being about theocracies these days really does get alarming at times. I shudder to think who we’ll be pining after next.
That’ll be enough using that handle. I can’t decide whether it’s absurdly tautological or absurdly heretical, but it’s had a good run either way.
Sorry, I don’t swing that way.
Frankly, the football coaches were the least interesting group. A buncha bullet-haided guys, all wearing athletic shirts with their school/team name emblazoned on the chest, walking around the atrium with that signature stance where they’re so overmuscled they hold their arms out unnaturally from their torsos, just because of the bulk. They all, no matter where they’re from, Texas or Spokane, speak in a kind of homogenized accent that’s the American sports version of the BBC accent.
The overly-made-up cheerleader moms were way more interesting, in a kind of slutty way, and the performing arts venue managers were….well, I guess you can figure out which group I belong to.
Hey, I started a religion too!
Any overly-mad-up, overmuscled venue-managing football coach moms? I want to see the Venn Diagram intersection of the three groups in this hotel…
I understand why the atrium-style design of hotels was abandoned after its brief heyday in the ’70s. There is nothing like hearing some crazy-ass drunk people screaming in the lower lobby, from your room on the 6th floor. Some mom from Augusta is really upset that her daughter didn’t make the finals. And she’s telling a lo-o-oo-ong and involved story about it, over a cranberry-pomegranate mojito.
Hey Neil deGrasse Tyson,
It’s OK, I can still stalk you on the intertubes.
Hey, I started a religion too!
from M. Bouffant’s link at 3:53
Sex orgy fans are outraged at a potential string of hotels cancelling deviant sexcapades in response to outcries by an informed American public
Damn. You don’t see headlines like that every day.
can’t…resist…
white criminals choose black victims 3 percent of the time, black criminals choose white victims 45 percent of the time
No shit, Sherlock? I don’t suppose it could have anything to do with who has most of the money, could it?
I suspect that miminum-wage-earners who become criminals choose Wall Street bankers as victim 4 times more than bankers victimize…
Wait–bad example.
L. Ron Hubbard said,
February 8, 2009 at 4:15
I am interested in your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
No shit, Sherlock? I don’t suppose it could have anything to do with who has most of the money, could it?
I’d go for the even more obvious—demographics. Not that you’d know it from listening to, say, Lou Dobbs or the like, but there are still more white people than, um, minorities.
But apparently deviant coach-cheeleader mom sexcapades continue apace. If only there existed some force for moral good who could inform the American public and elicit an outcry to potential string hotels! Maybe such a group could be inspired by… Lucifer?
I swear to god, I think these motherfuckers are doing “the wave” down there in the lobby bar. Somebody’s shouting “yeah!” and somebody else is shrieking.
the last time I had such a shitty hotel experience was in the Houston Hyatt Regency, when my stay coincided with a Star Trek convention and the Charismatic Catholics Convention.
And these hotels have the slowest elevators in the world.
And so the first victim was lured into the dark zone.
Tom,
I’d be delighted, it’s $24.99 for the first issue, and only $18.99 for each successive issue! (Tell your friends!!)
Not that you’d know it from listening to, say, Lou Dobbs or the like, but there are still more white people than, um, minorities.
Maybe we can sic Lou Dobbs on Sandy Rios, because she’s taking a job from a wingnut with an Anglo last name.
the last time I had such a shitty hotel experience was in the Houston Hyatt Regency, when my stay coincided with a Star Trek convention and the Charismatic Catholics Convention.
Any Klingons for Jesus there?
Oh, jeez. Is this a new troll? Are you one of the assholes whooping it up down in the lobby bar at the hotel in Atlanta?
And Scott, in re Pluto: snerk!
…white criminals choose black victims 3 percent of the time, black criminals choose white victims 45 percent of the time…
As I pointed out the last time this particular turd floated to the surface, this just proves that white criminals are 15 times stupider than black criminals.
Our attorneys will be in contact with you.
Why are blacks victimized by whites only 3% of the time?
I guess it depends on what kind of acts you count as crimes, doesn’t it?
Is this a new troll?
No.
And I apologize, I did not realize that what I was replying to was indirectly feeding it.
Did they have much interaction?
Did they have much interaction?
There were some pretty interesting scenes waiting for the elevators.
a sleeping army of concerned citizens
Excuse to link to Van der Graaf Generator video.
I don’t think anyone can claim the crown on hotel convention stories until you know someone who has been part of the staff of a furry convention, or you’ve shared a hotel with one.
No minority ever downsized me, took away my pension or sent my job overseas.
Just sayin’
So, what has the MSM learned from the lessons of the last 6 years?
To look at the NY Times, Wa Po and others, not a whole fuck of a lot. Look at the bilge published and spewed on TV 6 years ago and compare it to the slightly more moderate shit we’re hearing now without a word about corruption, murder, genocide or torture, not to mention the illegality of the rationale for war itself.
No minority ever downsized me, took away my pension or sent my job overseas.
Strictly speaking, rich old white men are a minority.
Such an army would produce an impressive quantity of pillow drool.
a sleeping army of concerned citizens
Why does everything, and I mean everything have to be a military metaphor with these people?
I like how he’s become completely dependent on right-wing effluvium: using Ziegler’s absurd, dishonest poll as representative; treating the immediate declaration that ‘70% of African-Americans voted for Prop 8’ as gospel in spite of repeated correction and retraction, and dredging up fauxtrages as far back as Nat Turner.
You want to spend your entire life transfixed with erotic terror that the next minority you run across is going to hold you down helpless and work his dumb swarthy dick up your ass, that’s your call. Just leave America out of your stupid fantasies, OK?
Thanks.
Now I have the image of Ms. Rios, drunk and screaming “Put a helmet on that soldier!”
The one thing to be said for the Bush Administration (besides how good they were at killing blacks, I guess) is that ‘the Surge’ was the Grand Unified Wingnut Metaphor – it makes no real sense as a specific tactic or even deliberate behavior in either military or football terms, but it’s intricately associated with both, and through both to sex.
SUUUUUUUUUURGE
I don’t think anyone can claim the crown on hotel convention stories until you know someone who has been part of the staff of a furry convention, or you’ve shared a hotel with one.
Simba B, as punishment for feeding the troll, you must take a look at his livejournal community:
http://community.livejournal.com/confurvatives/
Sorry, this is my favorite website EVAR!!!!!
As penance, you must write a short piece of Dobbs/Buchanan slash.
As penance, you must write a short piece of Dobbs/Buchanan slash.
Holy crap, you really ARE a bastard!
How could that possibly be shitty?
“Put a helmet on that soldier!”
Stand up straight, soldier, and don’t fire until I give the word!
When worlds collide!
See the clash of those who have a huge chunk of their lives devoted to a imaginary utopian ideal… and…
Wait a minute. Why would they clash?
Simba B, as punishment for feeding the troll, you must take a look at his livejournal community:
Thing is, I’ve known a couple of people who could be described as “confurvatives”, and I will be the first to tell you that everything you suspect about them is, in fact, true.
As penance, you must write a short piece of Dobbs/Buchanan slash.
I would; but I’m afraid that without adequate copyright protection my work might be used by CNN.
Um, because that’s who has the money.
Sandy should just clam up.
[aw c’mon, we haven’t had a pun fest in a while]
[aw c’mon, we haven’t had a pun fest in a while]
Now, PeeJ, you’re just being shellfish.
Charismatic Catholics Convention
This is kind of deja vu for me, because in (Catholic) high school we had a female lay campus minister who was one part hippie, two parts penis-envy (when my sister and I got older and my parents felt comfortable joking about faculty and staff in our presence, my father called her “Pope (name)” because of her obvious desire to be a priest), and a heaping helping of old-school knuckle-cracking nun.
Basically, she wanted Catholicism to be cool, but as long as you played by the rules. So in that, she and her group of hangers-on tended to accentuate the more esoteric corners of church doctrine, charistmatism (?) being one of those things. I seem to recall that she actually started a group for charismatics, in a high school that had 500 students.
We also joked that she wanted to be Jewish because another one of her fixations was on Jewish custom and theology. I distinctly remember her telling my class that she had decided to have matzah ball soup last night, and everyone trying not to snicker.
Let me mussel in here.
Far be it from me to carp.
I cover the waterfront.
Bri-i-ill Cream! A little dab’ll do ya’!
Lay out some garlic.
Every sport – especially ones we profoundly misunderstand like cricket – is superior to baseball, whose biases we bash as we simultaneously exult in the identical biases of its rivals.
I can’t believe you all go herring after silly jokes when the subject of conservative furries offers a spawning ground of potentially great catches.
Whelk, what shoal we do about it?
the last time I had such a shitty hotel experience was in the Houston Hyatt Regency, when my stay coincided with a Star Trek convention and the Charismatic Catholics Convention.
How could that possibly be shitty?
A lack of proper mind-altering substances, perhaps? With a head full of mushrooms, that sounds like an awesome weekend.
Every recipe- especially ones we profoundly misunderstand like spotted dick – is superior to pizza, whose biases we bash as we simultaneously exult in the identical biases of its rivals.
Right on, chum.
Every beer style — especially ones we profoundly misunderstand like IPA — is superior to lager, whose biases we bash as we simultaneously exult in the identical biases of its rivals.
Every autoerotic device- especially ones we profoundly misunderstand like the 12″ strap-on – is superior to the wetsuit, whose biases we bash as we simultaneously exult in the identical biases of its rivals.
Reminds me of that one horrible thing with the orca guys and the diaper thing and BAAAAAAW.
Given that the troll has generously allowed me the hat trick of airing his ulterior motive, airing his religion’s ulterior motive, and Saint Jesus, I’m going to be sporting this time and leave him be. I mean, we got him upset enough to get him to stop shouting “niggers!” for a whole post. Poor dear’s probably crying.
In lieu of either further abusing Twoofy or making lame puns about the sea like a retard, allow me to make my opening bid in insanely ripped Jesus. This is where every conversation ultimately wants to go.
Brooktrout this, liberals, as fish is exactly how it is going to go drown. You will be flounder how the halibut I was able to trawl this.
Speaking of confurvatives, someone was apparently bored and alone on a Saturday night.
I wondered what Sandy was dune these days
The Sleeper has awakened!
Speaking of confurvatives, someone was apparently bored and alone on a Saturday night.
Not fair, I’m at work!
There’s something basically charming about trying to terrify people into sucking your dick; add that to a prehistoric, second-string terrorist incident like the Cole bombing and you’ve got what I’m given to understand Terry McAulliffe does for a living these days.
I posted a new comment over there. Basically the AOL link is written by a RedState wanker, and if you go find the AP article about it, they note that the guy will stay in prision and that new charges could be filed later.
Through strategic use of the internet, personal relationships, and production of a high level educational CD series called “Culture Shock,” plus the development of an adult curriculum called, “God, Sex and the Culture War,” Culture Campaign hopes to develop thousands of new activists. In addition, Sandy writes a weekly column featured on the Culture Campaign web-site.
Sorry, Sandy, but the culture war is over, and you (and God too, apparently) lost. Best o’ luck trying to be the 21st century Anita Bryant.
Wow, Simba B, you have gone far beyond the call this time… this certainly beats any Dobbs/Buchanan slash.
Although… some Red’Bator/Twoofy slash would be hilarious
I was going to make a clever joke, but I just remembered testing out the hive plasmid as soon as I got it. I had been looking forward to it for most of the game, and the idiot-footballer-looking guy running around and yelling, as if heartbroken, “Oh no! Not bees!” made me bust out laughing so hard I nearly cracked a rib. It literally took me five minutes to recollect my shit in order to explain to the misrus why I was laughing.
Judging from her high school yearbook photo, she’s long since mastered the hairstyle.
the last time I had such a shitty hotel experience was in the Houston Hyatt Regency, when my stay coincided with a Star Trek convention and the Charismatic Catholics Convention.
Once a friend and I found ourselves sharing a hotel with an anti-evolution convention. Standing in front of tables with stacks of literature with titles like “The Lie of Natural Selection,” my friend started saying in a VERY LOUD VOICE, “Boy, that Charles Darwin was a great scientist, wasn’t he?” I dragged him away by the arm.
If I ever want to get this guy killed, I’ll give him tickets to that Adam-and-Eve-frolic-with-dinosaurs museum in Kentucky or wherever it is. He’ll start laughing and not stop until the security guards beat him to death.
Fair warning: the proceeding link is not safe for work, and not in the good way. You will believe a man can fly.
I present Hail To The Chief [Cheney/Bush/Reagan] without further comment.
allow me to make my opening bid in insanely ripped Jesus.
Close inspection reveals that the image actually depicts Shar Pei Jesus.
I present Hail To The Chief [Cheney/Bush/Reagan] without further comment.
I’m….I’m afraid. H.P. Lovecraft makes perfect sense now.
second-string terrorist incident like the Cole bombing
No, legitimate attack against a military target. And it worked, too.
Why does everything, and I mean everything, have to be a military metaphor with these people?
Our CEO used a military metaphor to explain why we were getting steep pay cuts and more work due to layoffs. He told a story about how his grandfather, who founded the company, was a bomber pilot who got in a firefight with a Japanese plane over Guadalcanal. He downed the Jap, but his own gas tank got punctured and started leaking. He told hls crew to start throwing everything out of the plane they could to make it light enough to reach base.
And I’m sitting there, listening to him go on and on, and thinking, “If only that fuckin’ Jap had been a better shot.”
It began innocently enough – a chance comment about Cheney looking like someone who can’t go through a room without raping something; a simple conceit through which I defamed my close colleagues.
The natural arc was towards more ridiculous and potent targets; the natural end-point was throwing Condoleeza Rice up his own clone’s ass.
Really, in the end he’s just another rich boob who thinks he’s getting away with lying and cheating because he’s awesome. But for two terms I had Cheney sodomies and apologized to no one.
Why are blacks victimized by whites only 3% of the time?
I know this great bar in Englewood whose patrons would be more than happy to answer that question for you. Want directions?
Sure, but the fear-mongering line on it has always struck me as completely ridiculous. It was eight years ago; the idea that they or anyone else in US custody is of any possible threat to us is patently absurd. Not only for the distance in terms of time (eight years ago bin Laden ran a geographically coherent operation, had several financially independent sponsors and bases of operation, and all the other shit that’s changed since), but in terms of relative value.
Especially after eight years, the people involved in the Cole incident are worth more to the US’s enemies as living martyrs than they could ever be as terrorists, than they were as terrorists. It’s Republican myopia taken to its high, fine extreme: nobody can possibly be so ignorant as to earnestly conclude that their lives are in danger because of any of this.
And ol’ man river,
He just keeps trollin’ along.
Boring bigot trool says: My little peepee hurts! Let me show you it (for the bazillionth time)!
Are you following the actor212 model of posting in support of my arguments and in opposition to your own?
Are you following the bigoted asshole model of being a bigoted asshole?
amounts to a threat of interracial violence, black on white of course, which I showed was far more prevalent than the reverse.
I would happily be skewered on a coat hanger and roasted over a fire by a black man living under a bridge, so long as my white wingnut brethren were also tenderized and basted in lemon juice.
Aaand people are feeding the troll again. Time for me to go to bed.
He’s just repeating himself so you slap him around. Likes it rough from Mexicans, which we all are.
As a person of Scandinavian/German descent who dances clumsily and stays out of the sun…
I am morally superior to you all!
Bow down, bow down!
My alfonsinos are hoping to make impossible our bowels.
The desert tortoises are praying to cripple our feet.
The carpsuckers are suffering to torture our tails.
The brotulas are existing to torment our tongues.
My black tetras are fearing to bring ill to our eyes.
My cusk-eels are sending to render insane our feet.
This pronghorns are asking to make impossible our tails.
Your yellow weavers are existing to damn our carapaces.
Nos are sending to curse our eyes.
Quillfishes are existing to curse our toes.
The golden trouts are praying to rain evil upon our skulls.
Every sea turtles is suffering to bring curses upon our tails.
No pilot fish are existing to complicate our brains.
My tiger barbs are longing to bring zits to our legs.
Your Steller’s sea eagles are makeupping to vomit out our carapaces.
No hornets are praying to annoy our hearts.
The spiny dogfish sharks are longing to torment our bowels.
No sea catfishes are living to make impossible our eggs.
The vervet monkeys are paying to bankrupt our whiskers.
No warbonnets are going to kill our thoraxes.
Each turkey is praying to bring displeasure to our mandibles.
Sheep are calling to exploit our mandibles.
My gray whales are suffering to wallow in our hoofs.
No Kauai cave wolf spiders are paying to bring ill to our stomachs.
Your shortnose chimaeras are paying to mutilate our feet.
Your tompot blennies are fearing to murder our colons.
The vipers are going to damn our stomachs.
The turtles are sending to cut off our carapaces.
Your Steller’s sea eagles are sending to give disease to our skulls.
My button quails are hoping to rip up our eggs.
The albacores are asking to bring disease to our stomachs.
My bluebirds are calling to torture our eyes.
Your cichlids are praying to plague our carapaces.
My whiptail gulpers are existing to murder our fins.
No tarantulas are suffering to tax our legs.
Sadly, No! started the religion. Soon I was a believer. Then I started my own church and hell followed with it. Hell, I tell ya! Do Sadly-targets email them 30 times a day and show up here? (Digs self out of pit) WTF man?!?
Bubba, well maybe yourchiclids. Mine sing “Hallelujah” right along with Cohen in a much better chorus.
Well, yes, “gay” is the new “black”, especially to wingnuts. The Civil Rights movement — bitterly denounced as treasonous back then, by Pat Buchanan and other “traditional values” bigots — has made it impossible to get wingnut hate (publicly) on the coloreds. So, gays substitute as the w(h)ingers “acceptable” hate-objects. In the day of the first haircut pictured above, it was inter-racial marriage which would destroy America; now it’s gay marriage. The only constant is a bedwetting harpy who never learns anything — oops, sorry, “a dynamic and compelling voice for the pro-family movement in America.”
Otherwise, know that you stand convicted of ignorance and hypocrisy.
Oooh, I’m so chastised now! Some troll has convicted me, in the Klan Kangaroo Kourt of his little bitty ‘mind’, of ‘ignorance and hypocrisy’! (As always, it’s all about the projection with wingnuts.) Tell ya what, troll: how about you, Ted Haggard, and Larry Craig meet in a small room — kinda like a closet, but with better plumbing — and have yourselves some deep, penetrating intercourse about liberals’ hypocrisy in American political life. After you ‘come out’, you can issue a joint communique denouncing teh geyhz for destroying our way of life. And we’ll take it as seriously as all of the other bigoted garbage you cut-and-post here.
Well, to be strictly accurate you don’t quite stand but just kind of sit there under reasonable doubt that your actions have put you in a special category to which normal standards of justice no longer apply.
You know, because we can’t just go “reading you” your “Miranda rights” or “charging” you with a “crime” when there’s a risk you could blow up the World Ignorance Center.
Welp, our confurvative poster showed up in that LJ thread I posted up above, and shit, maybe I’m too much of a softie but I kinda feel bad for the guy…he seems like the epitome of ‘low-information voter’. He doesn’t seem like a troll, well, I suppose he is for posting to that group. But he seems genuinely surprised to learn what I told him.
But you know, I see hope in people like this. Maybe if we succeed in discrediting and disassembling the vast right wing noise machine, or just reduce it’s potency a little bit, maybe there’s hope for this country of ours.
Hmmm, must be the meds talking. Time for bed. No, really this time.
Apropos of nothing, behold the adventures of the stupidest fucking tourist on the entire planet.
Aaaaaaand you can go to hell for making me laugh and cry simultaneously with that reference, alec.
“Oh yeah, that’s it, sneak your wetback across my border! Yes! Yes! Yes!”
I love the story of the Italian tourist. What a guy!
Update on my stay at an atrium-style hotel in the Southeast – it is surprising how far sound carries from the lobby of a hotel built in this style. And did you know the bar stayed open until 2?
Can someone tell me why someone would shout “Yeah!” really loud in the lobby of an atrium-style hotel at 6:07 in the morning?
Yesterday I stood at the parapet in front of my room and saw three amazing sights, simultaneously. 1) a team of EMTs rolling a stretcher with a patient on it through the open atrium towards the front door 2) three little girls in cheerleading outfits holding pompoms, being chased by a stage mother 3) the glass elevator, descending from the upper floors; within it three large men in full Scottish bagpiper regalia.
I love this place. Good morning, everyone!
That 2007 picture…that’s a wig. It has to be.
when my stay coincided with a Star Trek convention and the Charismatic Catholics Convention.
Kirks to the right of you, kirks to the left of you, eh?
Are you following the actor212 model
Man, I must have scorched your ass but good that you have this fascination with me, Troofie!
Now, go unplug yer l’il “cable modem” for thirty minutes. Less, if you run out of Kleenex, fanboi!
“As a heterosexual female whose had to live without sex, I assure you, you can.
Well, Sandy, as a homosexual male who’s gone through long stretches at a time without gettin’ any myself during various points in my life – I’ve been “enjoying” such a period just recently, in fact – let me assure you: Just because I’m not having sex doesn’t make me any less gay.
You lying,empty-headed little neo-nazi hag.
“And now their plans have found the perfect personification in the handsome and charismatic Senator Barack Obama. But while he seems to bring new inspiration, their philosophy is as old as time. They know who their inspiration is… Lucifer.”
How heartwarming to see that President Hopey Bipartisanship’s attempts to appease the fundie psychopaths by throwing gays under the bus several times during his campaign was such a success, no?
Wait…it wasn’t? Goodness! (Slaps palms to face, a la Macauley Culkin in “Home Alone”) Who ever could have seen that one coming?!?!
I know I really shouldn’t Feed Da Troll, particularly in a thread that seems to be winding down anyway…but what the hell.
“Many of Obama’s supporters* voted for me. Without them, in fact, I would have failed.”
Well, never mind the veracity of that statement, dear. For argument’s sake, let’s just say it’s true.
Does that mean you agree with me that Sandy Rios is either a lying, demogogic piece of human shit for calling Obama “Lucifer”? (And add “ungrateful” to that list, seeing as she and Obama are as peas in a pod, according to you.) Or do you think she’s genuinely sincere, and thus certifiably insane of just incredibly stupid? Or both?
“I addressed them to their backs, “I wish the six of us could just sit down and talk.” The large, white lesbian spun around and declared angrily, “I don’t have anything to say to you.”
Rios, a born peace-maker, was merely trying to reach out to the fat, cracker-ass dyke.
On the one hand, fags. On the other hand, niggers.
Harangue whichever of drdick or actor212 has posted most recently, and you’ve got essentially all Troofie does. This is why I’ve generally avoided him unless he’s so obviously stealing one of his betters’ talking points that it merits sitting him down, calling him “chief”, and pissing in his mouth – or I feel particularly up to a lopsided exhibition and the rest of the thread is dull anyway.
‘Don’t feed the troll’ is a stupid line devised by stupid people. He’s not a troll; he’s a trogolodyte, and it breaks his poor widdle heart that the Gay Niggers Of America now have a monopoly on carrier-deck crotch. As much as he’s decided to ape the subhuman redstate’s inept griefing, he’s worth ignoring, but when it comes right down to it, he’s just not that bright. He’s going to break down and rant about South Africa’s thug thizzle every time, and it’s hilarious.
I’d tap Sandy. Or at least Thu Troof.
Obama won California, so the number of Obama supporters exceeded that of McCain supporters. So even if every McCain voter voted for Prop Eight, it still would have failed. It needed support from Obama voters.
You assume that voters did not abstain from the Presidential election but decided to take their wrath at homosexuals out.
Decidely, a small number, but still part of the make up. Your premise is not as strong as you would like to believe, Troofie. It may be correct, it likely is, but not as correct as you’d like it to be.
Now…let’s talk about this bit of your post: Now, the question is who?
Go for it, Troofie. Here’s your opportunity to show, once again, your ignorance.
Actually, EVEN SHORTER Sandy Rios: Numbfuck Wingnut is the New Black