Shorter Larry Kudlow
Posted on February 7th, 2009 by Gavin M.
- I am bullish on the economy.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Infographic:
Comments: 54
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Employment for stockbrokers! That’s the change we need!
Yes, but the bones that were cast cannot be recast. The oracles have spoken. Cassandra is a lying bitch!
How can he do this without the coke?
Note the dog whistle shout out to the fundies: “mustard seed” is fundie-speak for having “faith”.
Zeus help me, I notice this crap now.
Mustard seeds planted a while back are now pointing to economic recovery
And soon, mustard seeds will flower into mustard gas, freeing us of our dependence on foreign oil (by killing us).
That’s What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School
How can he do this without the coke?
Obviously, he’s back on the stuff. Just did a bump, in fact – which explains the unwarranted euphoria.
Damn, that “blart” has been there since a few days ago, and I keep forgetting to fix it before posting.
See, suck it Krugman! We don’t need your commie New Deal stimulus because mustard greens are flowering into pony trees!
Only stupid people pay attention to insignificant statistics like “unemployment.” People who understand the economy know that a one-day surge in stocks means we’ll all be rich again in like six or seven days.
When Kudlow decides to manage the Appalachian Tigers – those Border South financial powerhouses that won McCain the real election and the only states in which winning Whitey still means anything – he will surely be swept in by accolade and govern their billions as only a true disciple of Christ can. For truly, as a great man once said, something about the parable of the Talents — and remember always: that sodomy thing in the Book of Jesus or wherever. I know the wonder-workin’ pow’r of Quarter Two!
Note the dog whistle shout out to the fundies: “mustard seed” is fundie-speak for having “faith”.
Zeus help me, I notice this crap now.
Goddamn, it’s like right when I start to think that Jesus freaks don’t runthe world…
Haha I suck at blockquoting
Oh, poor thing. Like the government forced TARP on him.
The taxpayers want to tell you something, Ken, and it isn’t ‘you’re welcome’.
That’s Grey Poupon mustard seed, of course.
When your job is down, Larry, we’ll start feeling bullish. You fucking cokehead bastard.
He says that like it’s a good thing.
He’s still pumping Friedman and Laffer and tax cuts for the rich. He doesn’t let a little thing like failure stop him.
I predict he will die in an autoeroticism incident.
God willing, he will make like Pompey and take “golden shower” too literally.
He don’t need coke, he got faith.
In mustard seeds.
You can be an ill-informed economic pundit and make all sorts of ludicrous observations and predictions, but when you call any one day’s market movement a reaction to any single economic indicator, the way Kudlow does here, you are simply bone-density stupid. Yes, Larry, all the millions of stock market investors looked at the unemployment numbers and said, “All right, it’s time to buy!” Only if they’re as mind-numbingly braindead as you are, Larry.
Kudlow, a one act play:
“Schlurp, schlurp, ahhh! Can I keep my job now?”
“In fact, the only real stimulative part of the behemoth stimulus package is the simple fact that marginal tax rates will not be raised.”
OK, I’m done. No more for me.
Which dystopia should I prepare for? Waterworld or Thunderdome?
Perhaps I will be the first mail carrier in the New United States of America and. eventually, they’ll build a statue for me.
Back when I watched TeeVee news in the background, you would constantly hear people saying “stocks went [up/down] today because [big general reason].” But how the fuck do they know? They don’t. You’re talking about many thousands of organizations and people who are buying and selling for any number of reasons, from serious business analysis, to short-term kneejerk reactions, to astrology, to the bizarre pseudoscience that is technical analysis.
L is for Larry,
Cokehead renowned.
Capitalism, COBRA?
Larry confounds
I predict he will die in an autoeroticism incident.
Something disgusting, surely, but I’d suspect it will involve paid help, & there’ll be an attempted cover-up. Can’t wait.
[Added a graphic…]
Fuck Kudlow. I’m trading based on Sibyl the Soothsayer. She’s got a great record.
As Faye Dunaway’s character said in ”Network, ”If you’re going to hustle, at least do it right.”
The Stock Market. My former business. A wretched hive of scum and villainy with a two-drink minimum. People who can’t remember yesterday telling us what’s going to happen tomorrow. Greed and fear in a race to the bottom.
Good times.
Kudlow’s operation seems to be more akin to that other, famous, trusted psychic, Miss Cleo.
Good old Kudlow. In good times and bad, you can absolutely depend on him to have his head firmly lodged up his ass.
A few choice recent quotes from Mr. K…
December 5, 2007: The recession debate is over. It’s not gonna happen. Time to move on… The Bush boom is alive and well. It’s finishing up its sixth splendid year with many more years to come.
February 15, 2008: An easier Fed and low tax rates may not only keep us out of recession, they could move the economy up from 1 percent growth this winter to 3 percent growth in the second half of the year — perhaps as early as the second quarter… free-market capitalism on the supply-side is weathering the credit storm better than most folks think.
April 30, 2008 (title for one of his NRO posts): Recession? What Recession?
July 25, 2008: Business looks pretty healthy to me… (He also concludes that the housing market is strong.) … Phil Gramm was right: We are in a mental recession, not an actual recession. And the low-tax, free-trade, free-market, capitalist economy is a whole lot more resilient and durable than the pessimistas and declinists would have us believe.
September 3, 2008 (twelve days before Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy): …oil’s plunge toward $100 deepens the tax-cut effect and brightens the economic outlook across-the-board…. For those of us who prefer to look ahead, through the windshield, the outlook for stocks is getting better and better.
October 10, 2008 (in the early stages of the economic meltdown): My view is that the panic will pass and long-run American prosperity will continue. This may seem Pollyannaish right now, but I have great confidence that our free-market economy will come out better, with a strong financial underpinning, when the storm finally ends.
Can he call ’em or what?
OMFG!
I just scanned thorugh that article I just linked and what do I find?
[turning head, looking for Mr. Serling]
I believe a snort is appropriate.
Sorry Kudlow. I only accept business advice from the gang at FBN – Trapper John, Ben Stein, Professional Wrestler Guy and Charo Jr.
Hey, if you or I had taken my advice and bought BOC back on the 5th (it was rock-bottom at the time) you’d be 26% richer now.
Where’s my Bank of Sweden Prize for Economics?
I am SO buying a lottery ticket today. Went out for a smoke and had the idea to RickRoll someone, just to keep the tradition alive. What’s playing on the radio in the lobby when I return????
Even if I don’t win, I can probably sell the method to Kudlow.
I believe a snort is appropriate.
RB is definitely the man with the answers to those tricky etiquette questions about formal coke parties.
Mustard seeds planted a while back are now pointing to economic recovery. The huge energy tax cut is one such mustard seed. The related inflation collapse is another.
See, people, the Bush recovery is already well underway!
Holy fail, Snorghagen. That list makes me wonder if he has any articles from the late 1980s urging women to have casual sex with Magic Johnson.
Kudlow obviously hasn’t seen this chart. Lays it out in a way even he can understand.
This reminds me of that cartoon (New Yorker, IIRC) during the Great Depression that had Herbert “Prosperity is just around the corner” Hoover walking along a 3D plunging line on a stock-price chart, peering earnestly around the latest downward zag.
The mustard plants indicate the stimulus is working.
Kudlow obviously hasn’t seen this chart
Not that! ANYTHING but that!
Still won’t help Kudlow, though: charts or graphs would have to be composed entirely of white lines on a mirrored background before he’d pay any attention.
A picture may say a thousand words, but that graphic says “pwn3d”.
Incidentally, pretty much the first thing you learn about stock crashes could tell you that reading a portent into a brief, minor rally is a stupid, destructive idea.
As Adam Smith once said: Jobs down, stocks up; that’s the way I like to fuck.
Back when I watched TeeVee news in the background, you would constantly hear people saying “stocks went [up/down] today because [big general reason].” But how the fuck do they know? They don’t. You’re talking about many thousands of organizations and people who are buying and selling for any number of reasons, from serious business analysis, to short-term kneejerk reactions, to astrology, to the bizarre pseudoscience that is technical analysis.
If a billion Chinese people all bought AIG stock at once…
If a billion Chinese people all bartered cheap goods in exchange for a share in the US economy at once…
If a billion Chinese people all bartered cheap goods in exchange for a share in the US economy at once…
That wouldn’t surprise me.
As Adam Smith once said: Jobs down, stocks up; that’s the way I like to fuck.
Actually, Adam Smith could be considered a leftist in this recent economy. He mistrusted the human element of unfettered free enterprise and always spoke of government oversight. He was, to be sure, in support of competition and the free market, but envisioned one with no oligopolies or monopolies and would be horrified to see what has been wrought in his name today.
Hell, he didn’t even like corporations much! In fact, if he had just had a more enlightened position with regards to labour (which he viewed as just one more resource, and not human lives at stake), he could have developed a truly great humanistic economic theory that would have stood the test of time better, and not become nearly as perverted by America.
Smith believed that while human motives were often driven by self-interest, the competition in the free market would tend to benefit society as a whole by keeping prices low, while still building in an incentive for a wide variety of goods and services. Nevertheless, he was wary of businessmen and argued against the formation of monopolies.
Snorhagen, you actually looked up this tool’s prior predictions? That was mean.
To yourself, that is.
Larry “Bush Boom! (2007)” Kud-blow isn’t a financial forecaster. He’s a Repig ideological shill/TV clown show for drawing the sheep into stock speculation where they can be shorn.
The Loud Obbs disciples out there dimwitted enough to follow his advice because he mouths the Fox News Repig propaganda they love to hear deserve to lose every penny.
Investing according to CNBC gasbags is the quickest road to poverty —
http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2009/02/investing-via-media/
There’s a reason Kudlow and Jim Cramer used to have a cable TV show together. Individually, they’re total fucking morons without a lick of sense between them; sort of drooling gibbering idiots of the Bush Administration subspecies. But put ’em together on camera, and they both look less stupid by comparison. With two Krazy Kassandras on camera, you don’t focus on either one long enough to dope out that both of them must have taken the brown acid.
It’s like those magic picture thingies — you’ve got to squint to make out the hidden message. And if you don’t squint, the Kudlow-Cramer beast can easily buffalo you with double-barrelled bloviation. And that could be fatal to your retirement account.
Payroll is a primary minus for businesses – I knew that by the time I was twelve, yet this mysterious Tautology Koan perplexes Larry Kudlow. Why I am I not too shocked that he’d’ve co-hosted a let-us-help-you-catastrophically-fuck-up-your-portfolio show alongside the icon of distilled raging emo that is Jim “Bear Stearnes Is Just Fine, LOL” Kramer?
Gee, Larry, you name-drop just swell … it’s just too bad your cited mentors all pretty much bite ass. Laffer? Friedman? Had their pet theories dealt some bad smackdowns, courtesy of history. Shoot blanks much?
The stenographer cannot record a gesture made by an abstract concept. Yes or no – can you see how fundamentally moronic it is to imply that yet another “jobless recovery” is near with regard to a global economic negative event that may well still be only in its early stages, let alone putting one’s hopes for this unicorn-farm of impending joy in the same Wall Street jackals who set it up … or am I harshing your buzz?
this guy is full of it like a christams turkey…he has a talk show on saturday morn9ing in NYC and when I called in nearly 2 yrs ago, he and his co-host jumped me for disagreeing with what they had to say in its entirety, he the esteemed economist and talking head, his gyeat a phd…me a blue coillar worker who saw what was going on on the ground and daring to say it wasnt what they were selling…I was right and they were wrong. dont listen to anything he has to say period…hes a huckster
Also, if anything good happens for the Democratic party or a Democratic candidate on a day when the market’s down, it’s because the market fears Democratic rule. Mark it.