Is there anything you guys want to talk about?

Crazy Jesus Lady, August 25, 2005:

In the rough future our country faces, bad things will happen. We all know this. […] Imagine they’re planning that on the same day in the not-so-distant future, they will set off nuclear suitcase bombs in six American cities, including Washington, which will take the heaviest hit. Hundreds of thousands may die; millions will be endangered.

Evan Coyne Maloney, June 2004:

Put your hand on your neck and imagine a large knife sawing though it. (Stop and think for a minute…you can almost feel it, can’t you?) Well, that’s just one of your possible fates if we decline to fight this war.

What do wingnuts put in their coffee anyhow? Maybe Dr. BLT can write a song about it.


Comments: 29


Imagine having a terrorist slamming a metal pole into your face over and over again. Then imagine him using your now-toothless mouth to force felatio. That’s the danger we face if we don’t privatize social security.

Modern Major-General

Imagine a twelve-foot tall carnivorous vegetable creature from beyond the moon sodomizing you with Poseidon’s trident while a one-eyed squid monster forces you, at gunpoint, to sing the complete score from Gilbert and Sullivan’s Pirates of Penzance (in French). That’s what could happen to you if you legalize gay marriage.


Imagine a pole being driven up the starfish. Imagine the pole being turned upright and planted in the ground. Imagine your body slowly sliding down as the pole probes deeper. That’s what awaits us if we outlaw gay marriage or the Islamists win. Reconstructionists, Islamists, Dobsonists: they all hate teh gay.


…And then two mongolid sisters come in. Twins, wearing ballet tutus. Their right wrists are tied together, and they each have a straight razor in their left hand. They start whirling around the room slicing at each other. Blood is flying everywhere, and the mother, still covered in the father’s shit, starts stuffing the chihuahua’s broken legs up his ass until the father comes into the son’s eye socket. And finally the father pours a big bucket of lemon juice over the mongoloids and shoves them out the door as they shriek in pain, while the mother shoots the chihuahua and the son poops out his glass eye and sticks a radish in the socket, with the greens sticking out like a little feather duster. And they all bend down on one knee and go, “Ole!”

“Um, That’s quite an act,” the agent says. “What do you call it?”

“Peggy Noonan Column.”


You have quite an imagination, Gavin. Please don’t ever share it with us again.

Modern Major-General

That’s a good Aristocrats, Gavin, but it could have used a guy puking while performing cunnilingus. Oh, and Shaquille O’Neal doing some ass-fisting.


Would that be his own ass, or somenone else’s?

Modern Major-General

Both. He has two hands.


He poops out his glass eye? I’m not sure that’s physically possible.


He poops out his glass eye? I’m not sure that’s physically possible.

It’s necessary that someone stuck it up his ass first, but the physics seem pretty straightforward.


Y’all are making Bataille seem staid with all this talk about eyes and orifices.


What I dont understand about Our Lady of the Dolphins’ pessimism is … I thought avoiding this fate is why people voted for Bush. Were we misled ?

The Dark Avenger

Vladi G: Peter Falk, the Columbo guy, has a glass eye. In his youth he was once playing baseball when he was called out at home plate. The story goes that he then popped his glass eye out and gave it to the umpire, telling him, “I think you need this more than I do.”

That’s the story I heard, anyhoo.

Modern Major-General

I heard Columbo once killed a woman by trying to fit his entire head up her vagina. The source I heard it from wasn’t very reliable, though.


Here you go. This is for all of you folks poisoned by the cyanide of cynicism. Here’s the key to my free MP3 jukebox:

Now that only gives you access to about 50 of the hundreds of songs I’ve written and recorded over the years, but go for it! Tear them apart one by one. Protest each song at the rising of the sun. But when all is said and done, you will have hurt your cause. Your vituperative utterances have caused me to rise in prominance. I’m already gained a huge underground following since you’ve all been taking shots at me, so who I am to complain about your vociferous vitriol? You can run everry single song into the ground, but you can’t take away what you all wish you could take away from me—my right to freedom of speech.


Yeah BLT being mocked by Sadly, No is your ticket to stardom! Sadly, we’ll only be able to say that we knew you when. Please don’t forget us…….


Nobody here wants to take away your right to freedom of speech, DR. BLT. Your talents are unique.


but you can’t take away what you all wish you could take away from me—my right to freedom of speech.

Even though there’s no freedom of sing in the US, that’s something we wouldn’t want to take away from you. Ever.


vituperative…vociferous…vitriol…Looks like Dr. BLTs dictionary got stuck open in the Vs.


Do you think Dr. Sandwich would mind if I opened a blog called “Vociferous Vitriol”?


Well, even if you don’t, Dan, SOMEBODY should.


Well? Did anybody go listen to Dr. Hold-the-Mayo’s luurvley offerings? Are they as *koff*indescribable*koff* as that other one he so kindly dropped* into comments the other day?
-*And when I say kindly dropped, I mean like a seagull drops its offerings on your picnic at the beach.


Are they as *koff*indescribable*koff* as that other one he so kindly dropped*

It was so much more than that!


A giant Space Bunny will cover the Earth with goose grease and snort it up his nose!


Why do I have the feeling this joke is going to end with, “We call ourselves, ‘The Aristocrats’!!”


There’s something very weird about an actual troll, welcomed and engaged by the bloggers here (albeit in a snarky manner), suggesting that people want to take away his free speech. Honestly, if they wanted to, you’d think they’d at least start by banning him from the comments. Or, you know, something other than sharing his views with their own readers.
But, hey, logic has never stood in the way of a right wing persecution fantasy yet. Why would it start now?


Take a Break from your Hectic Schedule …. visit for a Few Laughs,Funny Reading, Funny Pics.
See you There 🙂


I think I know what you guys are planning.


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