Shorter Andrew McCarthy, Esq.
Posted on February 2nd, 2009 by Tintin
- Teh liberals should not be allowed to talk about sports on the teevee set, particularly in a pre-game show before a sacred national event like the Superbowl where you have a captive audience of millions of conservatives who can’t figure out how to turn off the teevee set or change the channel.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
John Madden was honorable? Perhaps, but everytime I hear him dispense some of his sage advice I’m forever reminded of the Patriots first SB, as he advised them to burn off the remaining time after the Rams last score, and hope for the best in OT. I do enjoy watching the Big M on the teevee though, because I want to see it live when he finally pops like a tick.
…they have a right to put him on the air for the 15 or so people who evidently watch…
If only teh Silent Majority had come out to vote on November 4th. If only…
Uh, Chinn,
I could be wrong but the First SB the Pats were in was with the Giants..in ’86?
But your point is correct about conjunction Madden.
The major TV networks, owned by hyperrich men, lean left? What mad nation is it that you guys live in?
I didn’t catch Olbermann, so I don’t know what he said, but I notice McCarthy doesn’t claim he inserted politics into the broadcast. Just the mere presence on the television of someone McCarthy knows to hold differing political views is enough to make him whine.
Don’t make me bring out the puffer fish.
Cry me a river, boring bigot troll.
I could be wrong but the First SB the Pats were in was with the Giants..in ‘86?
When correcting somebody, it’s best to be correct yourself. The Patriots were in two Super Bowls before the one Chinn was talking about: they were beaten by the Bears in ’86 and the Packers in ’97. I’m assuming Chinn meant the Patriots’ first Super Bowl win, and he is correct about Madden’s idiotic gasbaggery during what was New Englad’s game-winning drive.
It’s funny, because I was acutally at that game and the fact that the Pats were going for it didn’t seem to surprise anyone in my section, which was in an endzone and had a good mix of fans of both teams. The Rams had suddenly started to look like the unstoppable offensive force they were supposed to be and seemed to have all the momentum, and there was still a good amount of time on the clock. Waiting for overtime, and essentially leaving it to a coin toss, would have been stupid.
But when I watched the tape of the tv broadcast a week later, Madden was absolutely incredulous that New England was actually trying to win the game. Not only couldn’t he believe it at first, he was surprised that they continued even as they moved the ball effectively. It was a truly bizarre performance on Madden’s part.
We strongly take issue with your photo illustration.
By the way, Jay Nordlinger has been crying all over the Corner recently about liberals politicizing all the Manhattan opera shows he attends (no elitist, Nordlinger). How does that jibe with McCarthy not wanting an ex-sports reporter to talk about sports because said sports reporter’s political views are known?
“Years ago, before Fox started and NBC finally dove headlong to the Left “…
Whaffaa?
Olbermann did absolutely nothing political last night. Only Dan Patrick did, in that he teased Keith about Bill O’Reilly.
McCarthy just objects to seeing Olbermann period.
Andy’s a sad man, with a face for radio, a voice for print, and a prose style for sign language.
Don’t look at me, I spent the first half of the game watching Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl.
On the other hand, Attaturk, he does have instincts for the Defense of Democracies. It says so right under his name!
Shorter McCarthy:
“I can’t think of anything substantive that was said, but I’ll whine about it anyway.”
Does Andrew McCarthy really look like Hannibal Lector or have you Photoshopped him?
Not only do we have to hear that stupid “bombs bursting in air,” shock & awe song, but now we get “America the Beautiful” at every sporting event, the Blue Angels fly-by, the references to “American Values” by the dipstick who introduced the singers, General Freaking Betray Us tossing the coin, & … now we have to listen to this shit-head whine because he saw long-time sports reporter Olberman & he got queasy?
What was his reaction to Steelers owner Rooney thanking PRESIDENT OBAMA, BITCHES11!1 for being a Steelers fan?
The thing is, as he states, it’s not as if can’t change the channel, it’s just that he won’t. Therefore, all networks at all times should know when he’s watching so that they keep the liberals off the teevee at that moment, even if there’s nothing political going on.
I’m not going to read the article but does he complain about the fact that Dan Rooney thanked Obama first when he accepted the trophy? If he didn’t there’s got be some wingnut Steelers fan out there going nuts about that. I don’t think he even thanked God at all. Oh, right. Same thing.
If Fox was televising the Superbowl and Sean Hannity was a sportscaster, how many of you libs would have a cow?
No, he didn’t say anything about Rooney. Probably went off to stew in his own juices before the end of the game.
“Not only do we have to hear that stupid “bombs bursting in air,” shock & awe song,”
Why does it not surprise me you hate our national anthem?
Woulda been great if Tony Dungy had launched into one a’ his Jesus Hates Gay Marriage routines, though.
Considering Hannity is not a longtime sports commentator, that would be a pretty bizarre move, RS…
“Considering Hannity is not a longtime sports commentator, that would be a pretty bizarre move, RS…”
How about Rush Limbaugh then?
“…millions of conservatives who can’t figure out how to turn off the teevee set or change the channel.”
Or turn the sound down, apparently. I’m sure it would have been much better had they had Rushbo on to provide traditional racist commentary.Is there nothing that these guys won’t whine about?
““…millions of conservatives who can’t figure out how to turn off the teevee set or change the channel.””
NBC was the only channel broadcasting the Superbowl, moonbat.
[Tintin adds: Olberman was only on a pre-game show, dumbfuck.]
Your turds have been mighty tasty, Mr. Bush, but now I have to report to my new gig sucking Rush Limbaugh’s dick.
How about Rush Limbaugh then?
Considering the racist commentary that got him kicked off NFL commentating the last time…
You libs wanted him off to begin with so you went on a fishing expedition for an un-PC statement.
Just because it doesn’t fit your PC speech codes doesn’t mean it’s racist.
Man, you’re tired.
Olbermann=professional sportscaster with years of experience
Limbaugh and Hannity=NOT professional sportcasters.
Redstate75=FAIL, yet again.
Is there nothing that these guys won’t whine about?
No. This has been, etc. etc.
Al Michaels is a card-carrying conservative! Good lord! Is this man an idiot or what?
Sheesh. Freaking everything is a slight to these people.
Ooh, I know what I’d do! I’d have fun with my friends who I invited over for the game.
See how easy that is?
The article says:
“A game so fantastic it even overcame the coverage by the awful NBC — Al Michaels and John Madden honorably excepted. ”
Read it next time.
Troofus-
Nobody cares.
I can’t tell you how much pleasure it gives me to think that RedFaced is actually trying to goad M. Bouffant – and on something a silly as that.
What a dope.
You’re right, Redstater. Patriotism can only be measured by one’s like or dislike for opinions of taste of a majority of members of Congress.
It behooves all independent conservatives to obey the dictates of Congress in 1931 and love with all their might a lame-ass poem written in 1814 by a lame-ass wannabe poet and set to the tune of a popular British bawdy drinking song.
“It behooves all independent conservatives to obey the dictates of Congress in 1931 and love with all their might a lame-ass poem written in 1814 by a lame-ass wannabe poet and set to the tune of a popular British bawdy drinking song.”
Yes, but lets all sing a long to a Socialist propaganda song written by senile Comsymp Pete Seger on the national mall.
> John Madden was honorable? Perhaps, but everytime I hear him dispense some of his sage advice I’m forever reminded of the Patriots first SB, as he advised
Let me preface this comment by saying I know NOTHING about football. If you asked me to point out a running back during a game, I would blink and shrug my shoulders. The only game I watch is the Super Bowl – sometimes – and maybe a playoff game if a local team is in it.
Even I cringe when I hear Madden make a recommendation about a play. Last night was no different. He is always wrong. How did this guy get where he is???
Wow, I just clicked over to the article. So nowadays, it’s totally inappropriate for people in the media to interview the President of the United States of America.
I guess he’d probably be upset if Michelle Obama read books to schoolchildren, too.
RedStater-
Nobody cares.
Well so much for people not feeding the fucking trolls.
That thread yesterday gave me some hope, if only for a little while.
Is there any patriotic song you libs don’t hate?
Shorter “Palin Fan in Harlem” — “Hey! Hey! lookit me!”
Sir Heh Indeedington said,
February 2, 2009 at 16:49
Please have the courtesy to use your regular screen name, thx.
PWN3D
Is there a titty out there over which an ass-baby like redstater will not whine ?
What if Sean Hannity was a sportscaster? What if Rush was there? What if an aborted fetus did the play-by-play? What if Ronald Reagan came out and scored the winning touchdown? What if Joe the Plumber was there and had the powers of Captain Marvel? What if Herbert Hoover was the coach of the Cardinals (except they were from Kansas City) and single-handedly saved the economy? What if Jeff Gannon came out at halftime and tenderly made love to Roger Staubach on the 50-yard-line? What if Stephen Baldwin was the halftime entertainer, and he sang the best song ever, and then threw a magic bomb that only killed liberals and also went back in time and killed Jimmy Carter in his crib? What if Sarah Palin showed up and had really big hooters and had really awesome sex with me? What if football was actually invented in 1776 by Thomas Jefferson and he totally outlawed liberal commentators and non-honkey quarterbacks and won the Revolutionary War all by himself with a football with George W. Bush’s signature on it and it was a magic football that went out and shot all the redcoats and slaves and Indians and women and commies? I bet you libruls would feel bad then.
Well, he’s scared of real titties.
What if Ronald Reagan came out
I’d be surprised as any of you, believe me.
> Limbaugh and Hannity=NOT professional sportcasters.
On the other hand, Rush is a Professional Drug Addict, and Hannity is a Professional Idiot.
He is a leftist and as such should not be allowed on TV.
Well so much for people not feeding the fucking trolls.
This one must be a Mon.-Fri. 9to5er using a work computer. Probably between dragging the scrap cardboard to the recycle bin and mopping out the bathrooms or some such chore, he sneaks on to the order desk computer and fires off a few stealth comments.
It will continue until he gets canned.
BTW, Iraq held another election yesterday. More good news from Iraq that liberals ignore!http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/feedarticle/8338566
Not only that, but they turned away from religious parties. So much for the “theocracy” meme.
Violence down, the economy there has tripled in GDP since 2003, much more freedom, no American deaths..but don’t expect the libs here to cover it.
Off topic
We whine and stamp our feet if the people we hate (98% of America) ever shows their faces.
You know, I’m not sure that deleting the troll’s comments is particularly productive, since it feeds their persecution complex.
> This one must be a Mon.-Fri. 9to5er using a work computer.
Stealing from our employers is OK since we’re members of the 101st Chairborne and need to fight the IslamoLiberalMuslimFascistObamaites – by whining a lot.
Eep. Nevermind.
I guess the Red State Trike Farcers are killing time waiting for Erick to issue today’s Amazon fundraiser/target at which “conservatives” should fling toys.
Redstater,
My directive from the Obamessiah that I love Pete Seeger’s folksy ouvre somehow got lost in the intertubes mail system. Could you paste your copy here?
I did however get the order from above to pay dutiful respect to Shakira’s ass.
…no American deaths…
Very thoughtful, shithead.
Kurt Warner is always quick to invoke his savior, and gives credit to Teh Lawd for all of his great success. The man seriously can’t open his mouth without preaching. I wonder if he’s blaming Jebus now for making him lose…
Why no coverage of the successful Iraqi elections?
[Tintin adds: Wrong thread, dumbfuck.]
I would like to remind you librul idiots that Iraq is going great. Their economy is so much better than America’s, which is of course all Obama’s fault.
Two words of advice for Andy:
Skip the seven-hour pre-game show and put your fingers in your ears whenever anyone but Michaels or Madden speak.
It will make your sports viewing so much more enjoyable not having to hear all those nasty “leftists” that run network television nowadays.
But even he was not as blood-boiling as Matt Lauer’s cloying interview with President Obama. It would have been mildly annoying, but par for the course, if we had only had to endure Dear Leader’s views on football (Matt Lauer’s he’s-so-cool gape as POTUS wows us with his intimate knowledge of flaws in the BCS system, his breakdown of the Steelers/Cardinals, and Look, mom, he even uses his own Blackberry!)
I need to start hyperdosing on vitamins to survive the next 8 years of schadenfreudgasms.
I am trying to recall exactly how sharp McCarthy rebuked the media for so inappropriately covering Bush’s first-pitch-throwing at other sporting events.
But I really can’t be bothered to read any more of his drivel.
“Yes, but lets all sing a long to a Socialist propaganda song written by senile Comsymp Pete Seger on the national mall.”
Ah Red…Red, Woody Guthrite wrote This Land is Your Land – at least try and get the basic facts correct – that way when you make shit up it’ll sound better.
Why so much coverage of the terrible economic mess in America? The librul media should be covering for MuslimObama, who caused the entire mess, and whom the MSM worship.
Notice now that Iraq is stabilzed and the war is a sucess we don’t here much about Iraq from liberal blogs and the MSM?
Hmmmm….
No
Iraq is a success! And it seems to have calmed down just when MuslimObama got elected! Wait a minute..my head is swelling…OMG MY HEAD IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE…..
ARGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
‘muicans like whiny titty babies. You libruls are trembling in fear over the NRO. Sure, the NRO barely has enough money or viewers to keep a website running, but whining about Olberman is a winning strategy for 2010. Well, that and calling 60% of ‘muricans traitors. Stoopid libruls.
No substantive points, just personal attacks.
It really hurts your little liberal minds to realize that the Surge has worked and Iraq is a success, doesn’t it? You libs wanted it to end like Vietnam because you’re always stuck in the 60s. Well guess what, libs? It didn’t!
I’m wrong about everything. That is why I whine so much.
Yes, we were really wrong about The Surge.
Oh, wait…no, you libs were wrong about The Surge.
Yes, isn’t it odd that when there isn’t anything newsworthy happening, there’s no news about it?
My mail was promptly delivered, my trash picked up on the right day, and the schoolbus came on time. Why doesn’t the liberal media cover these things?
Although, funny, the Iraqi election was the lead story on my morning NPR station, originating from the People’s Republic of Santa Monica.
RedStater75-
Please tell us how you learned of the Iraqi elections. I read it in the New York Times.
No substantive points, just personal attacks.
It really hurts your little liberal minds to realize that the Surge has worked and Iraq is a success, doesn’t it? You libs wanted it to end like Vietnam because you’re always stuck in the 60s
I just love it when they’re this funny without meaning to be. It’s just precious!
Why don’t you Liberal Blogs ban conservative posts? We do that to every Liberal who we find posting comments on our blogs. It makes reality seem so much more palatable.
Stoopid libs!
When we are going to see coverage of the successful Iraqi elections on this blog, huh? Does it really hurt you libs that much to say “I was wrong about The Surge?”
> Please tell us how you learned of the Iraqi elections. I read it in the New York Times.
Trike Force EMERGENCY COMMUNIQUE, of course.
remarkably, of the two guys in the room, Obama was the only one who approached fair-and-balanced, telling a seemingly incredulous Lauer that Republicans had “a lot of good ideas” which he hoped to incorporate.
Dammit, Obama, drop this bipartisanship bullshit. Bipartisanship is not a virtue when the other side is composed entirely of assholes.
Um, didn’t this super-duper totally successful round of Iraqi regional elections take place under President Obama/s watch? When will wingers put politics aside and recognize Obama’s success?!
Better get your shovel. I hear the hundereds of thousands of newly-resurrected Iraqi war dead are complaining at having to lie on the WMD that were hidden in their coffins all along.
Stoopid libs!
Iraqi elections are the result of our brilliant President Bush.
The economy is the fault of MuslimObama.
Keep it straight!
Oh no, I congratulate President Obama for adopting the Bush position on Iraq.
There is now no difference in Iraq policy between what Obama is doing and what Bush did, or what McCain would be doing. It’s good to know he acts like an adult on Iraqi policy and doesn’t listen to the leftists in his party. 🙂
You mean Bush wanted to withdraw troops?
Iraq would have been a success if Bush had not listened to teh shrill out of the mainstream far right
“#
Olexicon said,
February 2, 2009 at 17:28
You mean Bush wanted to withdraw troops?
”
Yes, according to the timeline developed in the Status of Forces Agreement. Obama adopted to that position, changing his position from immediate withdraw to the Bush Plan.
So who will be the first liberal to admit that Iraq is a democracy and The Surge worked?
All right, that’s the last of the fun-sized Troll-Food bars in this little basket here on the reception desk. You’ve been hanging around in the front office enough, now it’s time for you to get back to the boiler room where you belong.
If Andrew McCarthy the Lesser wants to bitch about something, he should bitch about how freakin’ Whisenhut wouldn’t just let Warner air it out to Fitzgerald even when time was running out when there’s always a damn decent chance that when he and one or two other guys go up for a ball, he’s coming down with it. That and the bullshit roughing the passer penalty for hitting Roethlisberger a nanosecond after release while he was scrambling.
That’s what I’m bitching about today.
SHorter Red Stater
“I hearttily endrose our Commandxer In Chief Barack Husswein Obama”
Aside from the fact that Iraq had nothing to do with national security (no WMDs, no connection to 9/11), and aside from the fact that it’s cost over a trillion dollars, it’s a total success!
Amazingly, the ‘murican people don’t see Iraq as the smashing success it is. That leaves us conservatives only one choice – whine about Olbermann!
So who will be the first liberal to admit that… The Surge worked?
Hmmmm…General Eric Shinseki?
You know, the guy Bush fired for telling him he needed more troops.
The same guy that Obama just re-hired.
“Amazingly, the ‘murican people don’t see Iraq as the smashing success it is. ”
That’s because of the MSM coverage.
So who will be the first liberal to admit that Iraq is a democracy and The Surge worked?
So it only became a success after Obama’s Inaiuguration?
The Iraqis had elections a few years back, if I recall. I wouldn’t start that victory lap just yet.
We love threadjacking and whining almost as much as we like the taste of Rush’s sperm.
RedStater75, congratulations on being the first troll I’ve ever killfiled.
Um, didn’t this super-duper totally successful round of Iraqi regional elections take place under President Obama/s watch? When will wingers put politics aside and recognize Obama’s success?!
I think we also must give proper due to the mighty Clenis, History’s Greatest Monster, and FDR. But for this Reagan-recession life would be peachy.
Why not, eh? It always seemed to work the other way ’round for wingnuts.
Why, we hear all sorts of things about Iraq. Like only 51% of those eligible voted, & there’s been no political solution, which is what the big surge was supposed to bring. And really it was pay-offs & bail-outs for the local tribal leaders that calmed things down.
Those Sunnis are about as pissed as the 45%ers here, except the Sunnis are men & have guns they aren’t afraid to use. And maybe I’ll check w/ the millions of Iraqis who’ve fled their homeland to be refugees in Syria or wherever, before I start declaring another “Mission Accomplished.”
“#
Tom65 said,
February 2, 2009 at 17:35
The Iraqis had elections a few years back, if I recall. I wouldn’t start that victory lap just yet.”
Yes, and this time they rejected theocratic parties, the Sunnis participated, and there was no election violence.
I think we can start the victory lap now.
I am the most successful troll ever. You are powerless to resist me. I am Joe Montana, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky, Babe Ruth all rolled into one. Stupid libs.
That and the bullshit roughing the passer penalty for hitting Roethlisberger a nanosecond after release while he was scrambling.
And the guy who hit him was already diving while Rothlisberger still had the ball. He couldn’t very well stop diving once the ball was thrown.
Still, not as bad as the officiating in the Steelers’ last Super Bowl, when Matt Hasselback somehow got called for an illegal block while he was trying to tackle the ballcarrier after an interception.
“Like only 51% of those eligible voted”
Not much different from our turnout in the 2000 Election. Your point?
“Those Sunnis are about as pissed as the 45%ers here, except the Sunnis are men & have guns they aren’t afraid to use”
Really? Did they use them yesterday during the election?
You’re stuck in 2006.
“And maybe I’ll check w/ the millions of Iraqis who’ve fled their homeland to be refugees in Syria or wherever, before I start declaring another “Mission Accomplished.””
Millions are now returning.
“That’s because of the MSM coverage.”
No, that’s because we’re starving and there are already 200 people down at the town dump sorting out all the scrap metal to sell, and the Plasma Center has no more storage space since so many people sell their blood these days.
Spin libs, spin! Spin the good news from Iraq as failure!
We invaded Iraq to ensure local elections aren’t hampered by the suicide bombings that have plagued Iraq since we invaded Iraq.
Why, we hear all sorts of things about Iraq. Like only 51% of those eligible voted, & there’s been no political solution,
And three Sunni candidates were murdered in advance of the elections.
RedStater75 said,
February 2, 2009 at 17:38
Spin libs, spin! Spin the good news from Iraq as failure!
As soon as you give credit for the elections to teh Commander in Chief VBarack Hussein Obama
Could someone post Djur’s killfile-able RSS feed? I have switched from GNOME to KDE 4 and apparently the feed reader there doesn’t support commands as RSS feeds.
ROFL you have to use Al-Jazeera to find bad news?
Despite my mourning the Cardinals’ loss, it was fun to contemplate the head explosions in the racist regions of wingnuttia as a black coach won the Super Bowl. First Obama, then Steele, now this???????!!!111????2??2???
“As soon as you give credit for the elections to teh Commander in Chief VBarack Hussein Obama”
I have no problem with that. Unlike you libs, I want our foreign policy and wars to succeed no matter who is President.
ROFL you have to use Al-Jazeera to find bad news?
Actually I heard it on NPR, but al-Jazeera was the first hit on Google. Does that make it untrue?
Found it, never mind.
Much shorter Andrew McCarthy
NPR would report that, wouldn’t they? A bunch of leftists.
Libs root for failure in our foreign policy even when their side is in power! Amazing!
You just want America to fail, period. You hate this country and you hate what we stand for.
Memo from Office Manager to staff:
“Please stop encouraging RedStater to hang around the front office and talk about current events. He’s got work to do down by the trash compactor, and you’re distracting him. Besides, don’t you people have projects you’re supposed to be working on, too? If this kind of behavior doesn’t stop, we’re going to discontinue the newspaper subscription here in the office.”
“As soon as you give credit for the elections to teh Commander in Chief VBarack Hussein Obama”
I have no problem with that. Unlike you libs, I want our foreign policy and wars to succeed no matter who is President.
Then why do you spend all of your trime insulting our Commander in Chief in a time of war and trying to undermine his presidency
you are on the other side and want the terrorists to win
RedStater75 said,
February 2, 2009 at 17:44
Libs root for failure in our foreign policy even when their side is in power! Amazing!
You just want America to fail, period. You hate this country and you hate what we stand for.
“being Critical ” is not “rooting for Failure”
I only criticize him when he chooses a policy of appeasement.
Thankfully, so far he seems to be pursuing a very neoconservative foreign policy and has ignored his campaign rhetoric. He’s very smart about this, and his leftist base is too stupid to realize it! ROFL!
He’s doing the same thing MCCAIN would be doing!
“policy of appeasement”
Reffering to a policy in such a manner undermiens the trops in the field
I see the happy campers here have expanded their coverage to include footie & boxing.
You know how one of the nice things about winter is that fewer bugs are around, but every once in a while a tiny rogue one will get into the house somehow and fly past your ear and keep coming back? I just felt like bringing that up.
No, they’re here.
(Just can’t get them poppy-up thangs to work.)
“the good news from Iraq”
Thanks to President Obama.
“On his radio show last week, Rush Limbaugh railed against “people on our side of the aisle who have caved and who say, ‘Well, I hope he succeeds. We have to give him a chance.’”
“Why?” Limbaugh demanded. “They didn’t give Bush a chance in 2000. Before he was inaugurated, the search-and-destroy mission had begun. I’m not talking about search-and-destroy, but I’ve been listening to Barack Obama for a year and a half. I know what his politics are. I know what his plans are, as he has stated them. I don’t want them to succeed.”
Face it libs, you are on the wrong side of history. No matter what side you are on…
Why hasn’t Twoofie/RetardState given express credit to the Commander in Chief, Barack Hussein Obama, for whatever imagined success that has occured in Iraq since Jan. 20? Not lavishing endless praise upon President Obama is tantamount to treason, is seditious, injures the morale of teh tr00pz, and only encourages our enemies. The only conclusion to be derived is that Twoofie/RetardState support teh terrorists goal of flying teh flag of Islam over the White House!
Why does Rush Limbaugh hate America?
I give President Obama credit for not following his leftist campaign rhetoric and pursuing Bush policies in Iraq.
but every once in a while a tiny rogue one will get into the house somehow and fly past your ear and keep coming back
Since we’re sharing winter bug stories, and tying threads together with a bow, I had a gnat fly down my cleavage last night but he got tackled before he made it to the end zone.
Brandi @16:04: Beagles rule.
Once again, why does the mealy-mouthed equivocator, Twoofie/RetardState, continue to REFUSE to give express credit to the Commander in Chief, Barack Hussein Obama, for whatever imagined success that has occured in Iraq since Jan. 20?
It’s because he hates America. Either that, or because his supervisor just caught him hanging around with the smokers outside, and made him go back to work.
Okay, Legalize, you’re right. President Obama has so far shown great patriotism, a true sense of caring for the people over special interests, and he has the mandate to put this country back on track after the past eight years of Bush trying his best to destroy it. I apologize for being such a fucktard and jackass. Please forgive me, everyone here!
Shorter Palin Fan in Harlem :
“Hey!! lookit here!! Here!! Hey, guys, lookit me!”
Also, I give President Obama credit for forcing the RNC to participate in affirmative action by finding a Negro to put in place as their “head.”
And “the surge”? What a joke. Surge in American deaths, yes. I don’t know why Rash Phlegmball doesn’t bring that up.
This site needs to do something about these goddam trolls already. Pretty please?
I miss when they just bitched about the implication of a black woman’s boob on TV. At least it kept them occupied with something that occurred instead of “OMG, a liberal on TV!”.
It behooves all independent conservatives to obey the dictates of Congress in 1931 and love with all their might a lame-ass poem written in 1814 by a lame-ass wannabe poet and set to the tune of a popular British bawdy drinking song.
I’ve always wondered why this song has to be sung at the beginning of nearly every sporting event in the country.
I mean, seriously, the crowd doesn’t even get thru the damned thing before they’re cheering on their “heroes” assuming they even bother to try to sing the song in the first place, the singers usually do a barely adequate job of mouthing the words, and if they can actually carry an admittedly difficult melody designed to be sung while stinkin’ drunk (which the Founders usually were, anyway, when they sang the original drinking song), they have to show off by taking a 90 second song and turning it into a bladder-torturing 4 minute opus to their vocal range.
Say the Pledge of Allegiance and be done with it, is my take on it, if you have to prove your “patriotism” or better yet, prove your patriotism by doing good instead of giving into greed.
“When correcting somebody, it’s best to be correct yourself. The Patriots were in two Super Bowls before the one Chinn was talking about: they were beaten by the Bears in ‘86 and the Packers in ‘97. I’m assuming Chinn meant the Patriots’ first Super Bowl win”
Thanks Mark, yes I meant the victory win although I didn’t say that. I remember the Chicago (everyone remembers the Fridge. SNL’s ‘Da Bears’ skits came right on the heels. I mostly remember an early NE lead, and then Tony Eason folding up) and GB (Bledsoe suckage, the 99 yd kickoff return by GB, and a bungee jumper dying during rehearals for the halftime show.) SB’s quite well.
I even remember the year that Ben Dreith stole what well could have been the Pat’s first visit with that bogus roughing the passer call on Sugar Bear Hamilton against.
I think all of the above mentioned involved beating the Steelers like rented mules,which is always nice too.
Please, please click my link! I promise it’s something really really hilarious! Seriously! You’ll all laugh! Uh oh, here’s comes the boss. Catch you looser libs later!
First off, RS75 = FAIL. The song sung by Pete at the Inauguration celebration on the mall (This Land is Your Land) was not, in fact, written by Pete, but by Woody Guthrie, who never was a Communist.
Second [off-topic], too soon to tell about the surge. Even Petraeus thinks the gains we’ve made as a direct result of the surge are shaky at best (‘fragile and reversible’, in his own words), and that the surge has to be supplemented by broader strategies aimed at a self-sustaining civil society in Iraq before it can be regarded as anything resembling a success. Interesting that you’ll quote the guy whenever he makes a statement you can take out-of-context to bludgeon the rest of us with, but you conveniently ignore him the rest of the time.
Third, McCarthy, world’s two smallest violins playing the world’s saddest song. You don’t like the coverage, you don’t have to friggin’ watch. STEELERS DEFENCE FTW!
Brandi @16:04: Beagles rule.
That game was more exciting, more interesting and more American than the Soopah Bowel.
I miss when they just bitched about the implication of a black woman’s boob on TV. At least it kept them occupied with something that occurred instead of “OMG, a liberal on TV!”.
So the answer is, the next time NBC broadcasts the Super Bowl, KO has to flash his tits.
I missed the half-time show with teh kitties.
@ actor212, 18:26
I think you just traumatised me permanently with that mental image.
I missed the half-time show with teh kitties.
It was the usual, MzN. A float came out with kitties all over it, chasing sparkly toys.
Errrrrrrrr, much like the actual football game, only less gay.
I see on lolcats that there’s a suburban snowman killer on the loose, but you won’t see that covered by the liberal media.
But as always, MzN, Google is your friend.
Did you catch the parrot singing the National Anthem?
Oops. Wrong link, sorry. Half Time Show, Puppy Bowl V
Maybe Animal Planet can hire Debbie Schussel, or however you spell her last name, to whine about Islamofacism during the puppy bowl. Then Andy will shut the fuck up.
I read at RedState that the Puppy Bowl was marred by the presence of ultra-leftist commentator Snoopy.
Rusty, they even had a streaker!
Did they have dogs and cats living together?
Glad to hear Keith ruined the show for you Andy.
Fucking putz.
Happy Groundhog Day!
Happy Groundhgo Day!
The alphabet has a liberal bias. The proof: D comes before R.
I would like to remind everyone that I took a mocking statement by a Dem politician and turned it, sans irony, into one of my personal philosophies, with the result that I now go around telling people that I believe that “life ends at birth”.
http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/16716.html#comment-791130
Because, yes, I really am that fucking stupid.
No, but the cats were putting out after the halftime show…
Thanks actor212. It’s better with the sound muted.
Rusty Shackleford: Yes! Mass hysteria!
What I wanna know is why Jebus didn’t review the last play of teh game on behalf of Kurt Warner’s in-the-act-of-throwing arm. Jebus totally would have slurped Tom Brady’s balls in such a situation. Jebus must be liberally biased against Jebus freaks!
McCarthy’s psychic pout moves me deeply, especially since I’m one of the many perverted subhuman filth that didn’t see EITHER half, due to pro-sports boring the piss out of me for lo these many winters. The non-pro-sports-gasmic do indeed walk among you. Just in case you were wondering, yes, we live only to capture & eat your young alive, & plot how best to do so as we lurk furtively in unlit tunnels.
But in a nice way.
Republitardz Inc. – all PMSing, all the time.
Now also available in Aloe or Ylang-Ylang!
Jebus was still pissed about the whole Olbermann thing.
Jebus was still pissed about the whole Olbermann thing.
Jebus ought to show his tits.
I must commend rs75 for successfully hyjacking this thread and turning it into a Monday morning QB session on all things “surge”………
If only Warner could have surged one more TD to Fitz just as the clock struck midnight then we could have all heard Kurt thanking at the trophy presentation, Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, for guiding his hands around the pig skin missile into the endzone surge for total and complete victory over the lesser Obama god of the Steelers.
Could that be what pisses Andrew and rs75 off the most?
“Our god’s bigger than your god” should be the standard sung at all sporting events from this day forward. But only AFTER the game. Depending on who wins.
Jebus ought to show his tits.
“Show us your aureola!”
The fact is, I was unable to enjoy the Super Bowl because NBC is liberal. The government should make the MSM allow equal time for conservative viewpoints. We should have a Doctrine about this. A Fairness Doctrine, if you will.
Jebus ought to show his tits.
I’d be more interested in seeing his bellybutton.
No wait, that’s Adam. Never mind.
I love the surge I get when I hear the manly voice of Rush ordering me to whine about the librul bias that exists everywhere. For example, just this morning as I was telling my co-worker about the wonders of conservatism, the oil in the fryer that I supervise boiled over (since I wasn’t minding it) and I got burned. Imagine, even molecules of grease are liberally biased! Now McDonalds #3488, in Mobile Alabama will have no Freedom Fries available until the lazy union repairman decides to show up.
Maya, I guess we couldn’t sing this instead:
> “Our god’s bigger than your god” should be the standard sung at all sporting events from this day forward. But only AFTER the game. Depending on who wins.
Instead of Playoffs, let’s have Prayer-Offs.
The side that gets the other side to convert wins the game. The finals will feature the Islamic Suicide Bombers vs. the Snake Handling Venom Lovers.
Sorry, this is what I meant to post:
Bissell Kitty Half-time Show?
A vacuum-cleaner manufacturer sponsors it.
Are they trying to soothe their guilty consciences for all the fear they’ve struck into the hearts of kittehs over the years?
mrak: I think it’s Bissell carpet steam cleaner. They advertise a lot on Animal Planet because, well, you know. Hey, I bought one.
Also:
My god’s bigger than your god
My god’s bigger than yours
My god’s bigger cuz he eats Ken-L® Ration
My god’s bigger than yours.
Better to thank the accomplices!
I might have played along a spell myself if I’d had an interest.
Every reply pulls the pungent slippery string coming out of its plastic arse & cues up the next prefab neural Slushee. They never seem to have more than 5 or 6 of any substance, & sady, yes … that substance is guano.
Maybe Tintin or DA can ask those gerbils if any of them want some off-wheel time if they can direct us to the “Asshat Troll/Big-Boss Challenging Troll” switch so as to flip it over for me, kthx.
The Bissell carpet cleaner is a must for pet owners. Two dogs here. The Bissell can almost keep up.
The Bissell carpet cleaner is a must for pet owners. Two dogs here. The Bissell can almost keep up.
The one with the fur magnet? I’ve been considering that one – only one dog, but a longhair, and damn.
Ah, thanks for the clarification from the pet people.
One cat here – and wood floors. Much easier cleaning, and the cat skates around hilariously when playing.
I don’t know if it has a fur magnet, Xecky. (Why does “fur magnet” sound naughty?) It’s the ProHeat 2X. Works well.
I have a cat. A short hair. I’m looking for the Bissell that picks up furballs before I step on them in the middle of the night.
Hmmm…All I can say is: Andrew McCarthy’s really gone downhill since his Mannekin days.
“You know, I’m not sure that deleting the troll’s comments is particularly productive, since it feeds their persecution complex.”
Ignoring trolls as they post tons of shit isn’t necessarily a winning strategy, either, you know. I recall one particularly energetic lunatic who regularly fouled himself at the Nation’s forums some years back. The fucker simply would not go away and would not shut up. I dropped by one afternoon to see he had posted something like 50 to 60 messages all in that one day – and this was the kind of bulletin board where every message had its own individual link you had to click on in order to read it, so it must have taken the stupid son of a bitch all afternoon to shit them out. These “contributions” were all a combination of “Lookit me! Lookit meeee!!!!” and crude sexual insults directed at the Clintons. When one of the other posters interrupted the little shit’s Ego-fest to wearily inquire what he thought of Newt Gingrich, who was as big a sexual cheater as Clinton (if not more so) and who had actually abandoned his wife while she was recovering from a cancer operation, Asshole’s response was immediate: “Nope. That never happened. It was an invention of the Liberal Media!”
I confess I have no idea as to effective strategies when it comes to Pest Control, but simply ignoring scum like RedSimpleton and hoping for the best likely isn’t the way to go.
I also got the ProHeat 2X. It does a good job but I don’t know about any fur magnet either.
I’m not used to carpet (always had hardwood floors) but the house we bought 2 yrs. ago had lovely new carpet throughout. Once we’ve succeeded in ruining it all we’ll replace with hardwood flooring. Bare floors are best for animal houses.
MzNicky, you are absolutely right about bare floors. We have chosen a combination of carpet, rugs, and bare floors for maximum inconvenience.
I will never understand why people make millions to run around after a little ball. Come on, let’s give the big bucks to people who have skills beyond those of my pets.
Everyone knows people whose political views are known shouldn’t do sports commentary.
So of course this guy was indignant when Rush Limbaugh got his gig with ESPN, right?
Right?
*crickets*
Lex, better them than the people that own the franchises, is the way I see it. People are willing to pay a lot of money to watch those “pets”. It’s silly, but it’s true.
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It is if you’re interested in a place to hang out that’s funny or interesting OR… you can be funny or interesting in response. Saying “fuck you” or reiterating that water is wet when a troll’s saying it’s dry is very very dull.
Everything I write here is funny. It’s a humor blog, duh!
Arguing with trolls is like playing chess with a pigeon. It flies in unexpectedly, for no discernible reason, struts around, squawking and flapping it wings, knocking over the pieces and shitting all over the board. Then it flies away to boast to the other pigeons of its great victory.
I also got the ProHeat 2X. It does a good job but I don’t know about any fur magnet either.
OK – I’ll look into it. They were advertising one bagless vacuum during Puppy Bowl that had a little attachment that flipped down on the front, which apparently helps to pull fur out of the carpet (always the hardest part of vacuuming, for me, I have to rake the floor before vacuuming currently or the poor cleaner gets completely gagged in about 30 seconds). Reviews of it are mixed; I was curious to see what the people here thought.
Puppy Bowl was blessedly free of politics, as far as I could tell, but I really could have done without the “Space Buddies” crap. That movie looks totally conservative.
What? Still coming back, troll? I have mopped the floor with you before but THIS GRAPH will humiliate you into never posting again!
Is there a vacuum made that will pick up the furballs that call themselves “Palin Fan in Harlem” and “Redstate75”?
Also to J—: Have you ever watched Hugho Chavez’s show? If so how is it?
Bare floors are best for animal houses.
Until the dog gets old and incontinent. Then wood floors are in peril. Ask me how I know.
Ah, I see even a lieberal like you recognizes that knowledge not only is half the battle but is also red, red, red.
FTW!
Xecky, if you get the ProHeat you’ll still have to vacuum thoroughly first, at least IMO. It does a good job of cleaning stains and such but I don’t think it’s designed to pick up a lot of hair.
Dont much like the national anthem myself, its hard to sing right, but if you add ‘play ball’ and ‘portlandsucks’ ( its a Seattle Thunderbirds thing) its alrght.
Good Pro-american songs:
American ( Neil Diamond- excellent to karaoke to)
American the Beatiful
This Land Is My Land
and my choice for the new National Anthem:
America- FUCK YEAH
but if you add ‘play ball’ and ‘portlandsucks’ ( its a Seattle Thunderbirds thing) its alrght.
They still throwing salmon out on the ice for the T’birds’ games?
Xecky, if you get the ProHeat you’ll still have to vacuum thoroughly first, at least IMO.
Fair enough. The carpets are about due for a good cleaning – I may even call in the pros.
Is there a vacuum made that will pick up the furballs that call themselves “Palin Fan in Harlem” and “Redstate75??
I think Sadly, No! is it, unfortunately. There’s some analogy with the Bushian “flypaper theory” but the whole thing is too arcane, or maybe retarded, for me to understand it.
Where do the Kulturkampfers stand on talking-animal movies? I guess they could go either way, preferring the sort where Ruff Limbone tears out the throat of Joe Bitin’ or whatever.
Have I watched Chávez’s show? Yes, but it’s been a while since I sat through The Whole Thing. They can run on for hours. Nowadays I read in the Monday papers what came up during the previous day’s show, and I’ll watch bits and pieces on You Tube if he says or does something funny or significant. I pay attention to where they do it, who’s on, who gets fired or promoted, but you gotta be pretty dedicated to watch or listen to The Whole Thing every Sunday.
Where do the Kulturkampfers stand on talking-animal movies?
Talking animals are Satan’s familiars. There hasn’t been a decent movie made since The Sound of Music. And so on.
You forgot Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
There hasn’t been a decent movie made since The Sound of Music.
An American Carol wasn’t good enough for them?
Or did they actually get the joke that was made at their expense?
It really sounds like a performance art project.
Suck on THAT libs.
I eagerly await Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2: The Blartening.
An American Carol featured that actor from that TV show about the two gay guys who were brothers who were in love with each other in ultra-liberal Seattle. So it doesn’t count.
I will never understand why people make millions to run around after a little ball.
For the same reason that applies to most people who make millions: They help other people make many more millions. In this society, you’re compensated not according to your moral worth or value as a human being, but according to how much money you make for others.
I’m not saying that’s right or wrong, just how it is.
All Furries Go To Hell was a pretty awesome movie, if I don’t say so myself.
Altruism cat is not amused.
I’m not familiar with this concept.
I don’t know when this was made but it’s a shame Tomlin aint in it.
It really sounds like a performance art project.
Because it is. Fascinating for someone like me, who’s interested in state power and its exercise as public performance and who can observe from afar. Sucks for someone like the Minster of ——, who has to attend, sit in the audience a plastic chair for five hours, waiting patiently for possible policy instructions from the MC for the coming week, and not get up for fear the camera will catch her/his seat empty.
Y’know, Michael Jackson has real accomplishments apart from being a drunken religious crazy who molests boys.
This seems like justice of a kind. I wish more heads of state would do it.
The sea change came last year from a series of movements now known as the Awakening.
Does this mean we’re gonna have to deal with a break-off sect of Sunnis that go looking for Zion on the word of a prophet that says a great angel gave him a set of golden tablets?
Cause I don’t think the world can handle Mormons in *two* religions.
In this society, you’re compensated not according to your moral worth or value as a human being, but according to how much money you make for others.
Funny how the money people believe that until they lose trillions. Then it’s unrelated to moral worth/value as human and excuse me were you going to use that bailout, to each according to his need et c.
If you keep acknowledging him, he’ll never become suicidally depressed. You should know better.
I want to know what kind of wild pheremone RedStater smears on his asshole that makes you all want to stick your dicks in it like dogs smelling a bitch in heat.
Jesus.
A short quote from Venezuelan writer and critic José Ignacio Cabrujas, on the Venezuelan petrostate: “We never had to build many theaters in this country. Why should we? The normative structure of power was always our best stage.” And this was before Chávez.
I will never understand why people make millions to run around after a little ball. Come on, let’s give the big bucks to people who have skills beyond those of my pets.
Better yet: Let’s give the big bucks to people who have pets who run around after little balls. Me, for example.
Better yet: Let’s give the big bucks to people who already have little balls. Me, for example.
Paul Blarter: Mall Cop 2
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2: Electric Boogaloo
Xecky: Maybe you’re thinking of a vacuum CLEANER rather than a carpet steam shampooer/cleaner. You have to vacuum first before you can steam clean with the Pro 2X. And if your vacuum cleaner is a piece of crap like mine, then you still get pet hair all tangled up in your steam-cleaner machine besides. On the other hand, the steam cleaner is pretty fun. It’s got a trigger that you can shoot water out with. Good lord do I need a life.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2: The Colon Abundancy
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2: The Peskiness
Paul Blart with a Vengeance.
Live Paul or Die Blart.
Oh, I know.
Blartlestar Galactica.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2: Suck It Liberal Elitists
Good lord do I need a life.
Likewise, because that does sound fun. I was indeed thinking of a vacuum cleaner. Mine works OK but I always end up having to spend a while pulling dog hair – which is sometimes smoldering and doesn’t that smell lovely – out of its roller.
What is all this about Paul Blart? I saw a trailer for it and it didn’t seem especially conservative, which I think means everyone in it should be shot or something.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2: The Fountain Menace
A defence of Paul Blart. And AMERICA.
Braveblart
Mall Cop reminds me of the dad in the comic strip, “Drabble”. He’s built like Blart, he rides a Segway in the mall, and he seems about as bright.
Attack of the 50 Foot Paul Blart
Paul Blart Vs. Blackula
Scream, Paul Blart, Scream!!!!
Arguing with Trolls is like competing in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you’re still a retard
What is all this about Paul Blart?
Get out of your Ivory Tower and mix it up with the proles!
Rusty Shackleford:
Proles? I thought it was for the bourgeoisie.
What the difference?
MacKinnon’s commenters are priceless:
Ha ha! Yeah…
I’m rationing my contractions, by the way. Saving them for when I really need them.
Good lord do I need a life.
Likewise, because that does sound fun. I was indeed thinking of a vacuum cleaner.
I think we can all agree that talking about vacuum cleaners is far more interesting than anything a troll might have to say.
My tic is that I can’t stand the sound of a vacuum cleaner. It just really bothers me. So, I got all the carpet out of the house so I could do most of the floor cleaning with broom/swiffer/mop, and then I bought the quietest vacuum made (electrolux harmony) for those times and items that have to be vacuumed. Really a great little machine – only weighs about 12 pounds, seems to do a good job (though I can’t vouch for its performance on carpet) and cuts the noise by about 2/3 – enough that it doesn’t terrify my anxiety-prone kitteh.
1977 is the year Saturday Night Fever came out. Everything else is immaterial.
*sniff*
See, this is why Bruce was always my favorite.
Yet another problem solved by death metal! Just like, uh…
I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t go with “Paul Blart 2: Blart Harder”.
But I have to say “The Fountain Menace” wins if I’m the scorekeeper.
Many of MacKinnon’s commenters seem outraged that Hollywood isn’t putting out movies like Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
MacKinnon gripeth:
Dear Mr. MacKinnon: Neither Mr. Nathan Lee nor Mr. Brian Lowry made the “now public confession.” Please write down 100 times “I will not dangle my participles” and turn in to me by the end of the day. For further punishment, the SadlyNaughts are now free to ridicule your dangling parts.
If Hollywood did, it would be PARADISE!
Anyone here know what’s being referenced in the most recent Penny Arcade strip? Sounds like another very stupid video game overreaction but I’m not sure what it is!
Anyone here know what’s being referenced in the most recent Penny Arcade strip?
Not for the last several years. I quit reading it shortly after their home page went from being the strip to being the five pages of explanation the strip required.
They do still put out a funny one now and then, but yeesh.
Blart Runner
Mission: Imblartable
Sex, Lies, and Blart
Gone With The Blart
Blartkahoma
We bourgeoisie should march with all the other proles to Columbia Pictures and demand that they make movies like Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
Ash Wing: The PA news page links this article. Sounds like you’re right about the overreaction thing – or maybe the sound bite really is in there. In which case, alert Pammycakes.
Yes, Ash, the same woman who decided her daughter’s doll was saying that phrase is now claiming that her older child’s Nintendo game.
http://www.crunchgear.com/2009/01/28/islam-is-the-light-the-video-game/
PANIC! PANIC EVERYBODY!!!
Beaten. And soundly.
Mission: Imblartable
Mall Cop Academy
I had others, much better ones but WurdPress done ate ’em. FYWP…FY very much.
My tic is that I can’t stand the sound of a vacuum cleaner.
My tic is that I can’t stand to vacuum. Too much like work, and it doesn’t even squirt water.
According to the game manufacturer, the audio sample was random babble from a 5 month old baby.
Audio Rorschach, I guess. Listening for this stuff in mushy video game audio must be what the christo-paranoids are doing since LPs went out of style and people could no longer backward-mask.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist:
Thanks a lot!
*Reads article and proceeds to bang head against desk*
This.. is even more crazy than I expected it to be. Not only did the mother complain about a video game supposedly having the phrase ‘Islam is the Light’ but she did the same thing about her other child’s baby doll before!
Paul Blart is 90 minutes of Kevin James falling down, yes?
It’s an outrage elitist critics didn’t like this movie.
Annie Hall.
Now THERE’s a film that has impacted movie-making and popular culture for generations…
La di da, la di da, la di da!! Typical. Don’t you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we’re left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here. I don’t want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
Anyone here know what’s being referenced in the most recent Penny Arcade strip?
The funny part is that it’s a BLT.
I can’t believe I’m the first to post this:
Paul Blart: Silent But Deadly.
Beaten. And soundly.
Perhaps, but all the other failed to attach the required little yellow box with text to their links, which means you’re now ahead in the FTW column.
The article about the negative reviews of Paul Blart: Mall Cop reminds me of the person who argued that posted nutritional content at McDonald’s infringed upon her right to eat unhealthy food without feeling bad about it.
Staying off-troll, let me share this totally true story.
I had a friend in college (yes, I really did!) who suffered from a bizarre mental aberration such that he absolutely fucking hated washing dishes. Unlike most people in my circle he wasn’t dirt poor. So he bought a large chest-type freezer and dinner service for 60. After eating he would put the dirty dishes in the freezer. About once a month, usually on a Sunday afternoon, he’d get stoned out of his gourd and wash dishes. Only way he could force himself to do it. All suggestions involving disposable flatware, plates etc. were met with an uncomprehending stare and “What? Why the fuck would I do that?”
Also, Vasco doesn’t like the vacuum cleaner but he doesn’t mind it much. Mr. Ironing Board, on the other hand, sends him running to his hidey corner. Odd little fucker, that dog.
Why should film studios listen? A lot of ’em are owned by foreigners, like Sony Pictures! Why should they care what Americans want?
The Blost World: Blurassic Park
Here is how it will go down next week. First, the results from Virginia and North Carolina will come in, and they’ll be declared for McCain. You’ll be disappointed, but “no big deal, change can’t come overnight” will be your comment. Florida will go red, and a little nervousness will creep in. The usual suspects will fall into the usual categories. As the night drags on, Ohio, Colorado, and (much to your horror) Pennsylvania will be too close to call.
My advice at this point to you will be to go to bed. You will wake up to a McCain presidency and the Great Liberal Freakout will be on.
Bookmark this, liberals, as this is exactly how it is going to go down. You will be wonder how the hell I was able to call this.
On the other hand, I’m really glad that God hates Kurt Warner.
Mike Long joins Douglas MacKinnon at the barricades.
Hm, anyone else notice that Andrew McCarthy, Esq. looks like Paul Blart?
OT, but they’re interviewing Steele on NPR (National Public Rightwingradio) at this moment. It is hilarious. Among other things, e talks about how America can make progress if Dems stop “obstructing”. Since the definition of political obstruction is when a minority party hijacks what the majority wants, I guess he thinks it is 2002 right now. He also mentioned how there is no problem with the repig message, just a problem getting it out – they have to use the Internet better to convince people that giving all their money to rich fatcats is teh way to economic prosperity.
Deluded, idiotic, dogmatic, and living on Bizarro world. Steele is the epitome of repiglican “ideas”.
[Comical Clouseau-like fumbling for wallet while breaking Ming vase]
Floyd Turbo opines at BigHo
Projection. Always with the projection, those cornsevertives.
Bookmark this, liberals. You laugh now, but once the GOP has Twitter and Facebook friends, we will dominate politics once again. All we need is Twitter.
I propose a new patriotic song for athletic events. It is sung to the tune of the OBVIOUS TUNE:
“My loss is your loss, my profit is my profit
From Cayman tax shelters to Swiss accounts.
From the Wall Street bonuses to the axed employees
My loss is yours to bail out.”
they have to use the Internet better to convince people that giving all their money to rich fatcats is teh way to economic prosperity
All will be revealed in just three short weeks.
Mike Long joins Douglas MacKinnon at the barricades.
Wait, does that make Paul Blart: Mall Cop punk?
Many liberal moviegoers confuse emotionally wrought tales of sodomizing goatherds with entertainment
Turbo must have hated Traitor.
I lol’d.
Many liberal moviegoers confuse emotionally wrought tales of sodomizing goatherds with entertainment
As a liberal and occasional moviegoer I must point out that I find it much more entertaining to actually sodomize goatherds than to watch a movie about it. But conservatives seem to always live vicariously.
PeeJ: For the price of a chest freezer couldn’t your friend have purchased a dishwasher?
If you’ve seen Planes, Trains and Automobiles or Uncle Buck, you’ve seen this character and, essentially, this picture.
Say no more! I shall NOT see latest yon fumbly-bumbly-fat-guy theatrical production! Nay, nay, nor for a thousand… oh wait, that was Saturday.
I stopped cleaning because the noise of the vacuum-cleaner contained messages from Satan.
Iraq’s Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki’s spokesman attributes the success of the latest rounds of provincial elections to the Barack Obama-inspired community organizing done at the grassroots level.
Islam is the lint… Islam is the lint…
I stopped cleaning because the noise of the vacuum-cleaner contained messages from Satan.
I thought you had to put the hose at the reverse end to hear those?
> Featured Participants:
> * Joe The Plumber, aka Joe Wurzelbacher
> * Michelle Malkin
> * Glenn Reynolds (Instapundit)
It appears from the looks on their visages, and the juxtaposition of the pictures, that Instaplungeit is shoving a (black muslim) dildo up Stalkin’ Malkin’s ass, while she is rubbing something on the body of NotJoe NotPlumber IsFailure.
What a bunch of kooky guys the wingnuts/whackjobs are. They must have been put here for our amusement – no real people could be this stupid.
MzN: A portable d/w was suggested. Many times. He patiently explained that if he used it then he would be washing the dishes. As I said, it was a very odd mental thing with him. Plus, he seemed to enjoy doing while stoned.
I confess, I did little to change his ways because he always had reallly reallly good dope and he liked to share his dishwashing days with a few other folks. The rest of us got equally splifflicated and blasted Pink Floyd while he did dishes. Good times, good times.
I
Sincerely
Love
All
Mothers.
I
See
This
Helps
End
Wailing
And
Yelling
What you moonbats are forgetting is that English literature contains a long honorable tradition of comical hijinks set within the artificial consumerist bubble of a shopping complex. See, for instance, Mall on the Floss.
For the price of a chest freezer…
That phrase just looks so good, I had to see it again.
See, for instance, Mall on the Floss.
Cents and Cents Ability
I am so pleased that you’ve chosen to publicize my blog for me, but your link is incorrect. It’s here.
So long as you’re doing me favors, coffee. Black. No sugar. And step on it.
Actor, I think somebody would like to give you a blowjob.
Trouble is, he is a repig and thus the blowjob will be awful.
Well, like the horny sailor said to the tranny hooker at the X rated playhouse, “Any sort in a porn.”
Snerk
I wonder if the Anchoress has a chest freezer?
Here is how it will go down next week. First, the results from Virginia and North Carolina will come in, and they’ll be declared for McCain. You’ll be disappointed, but “no big deal, change can’t come overnight” will be your comment. Florida will go red, and a little nervousness will creep in.. The usual suspects will fall into the usual categories. As the night drags on, Ohio, Colorado, and (much to your horror) Pennsylvania will be too close to call.
My advice at this point to you will be to go to bed. You will wake up to a McCain presidency and the Great Liberal Freakout will be on.
Bookmark this, liberals, as this is exactly how it is going to go down. You will be wonder how the hell I was able to call this.
First of all, who the hell watches the pre-game show?
Also, I only made it through the middle of the first paragraph, but there was this:
Um, Andy, you might want to check the Nielsen data on that. If you can’t find it, you can ask Bill O’Reilly, although I’d advise you to stand back.
This thread has passed all qualifications to meet the standards for “Open Thread”.
Have at it, mateys.
Mall on the Floss? Duh….duh… I took too many stoopid pills today. Need help….
he bought a large chest-type freezer and dinner service for 60. After eating he would put the dirty dishes in the freezer. About once a month, usually on a Sunday afternoon, he’d get stoned out of his gourd and wash dishes
…
Plus, he seemed to enjoy doing while stoned.
Am I the only one who would have used the money he spent on the dinner service and the freezer to have gotten dish-washing stoned a little more frequently?
Why not just go out to eat, if you have that kind of money?
If Obama would just bomb Iran all would be forgiven.
Starring Madhuri Dixit, “Live! The Bollywood Hole”
emotionally wrought tales of sodomizing goatherds with entertainment
That explains all the yodeling.
I prefer sodomizing with entertainment to sodomizing with light sticks, anyway.
“Paul Blart is 90 minutes of Kevin James falling down, yes?”
Yup. If the title were more literal, it would have been: “Fat Idiot Repeatedly Hurts Self, Others”. Or possibly: “Fatty Falls Down”.
That said, my pitch for the sequel is…”Three Men And A Baby…And Paul Blart”. Co-starring Tom Selleck, Ted Danson and Steve Guttenberg. (The baby can be an animatronic special effects type thing, voiced by Funnyman Gilbert Gottfried!) I envision the plot as follows: The guys all live together in the same house, and do nothing all day but surf the net, consisting on a diet of cheetos and ding dongs, bemoaning liberal elitists. Particularly Paul and Tom, who sneer that faggoty lie-berals think they’re “too good” for such wholesome family entertainment such as the film they’re currently starring in. (While this salient point is brought up, Ted and Steve accidentally set the baby on fire, and there is much hilarity as they run to and fro in the background, screaming and waving their arms while Baby’s all aflame!) Tom and Paul, naturally, fall in love, and the climax is their wedding, presided by none other than Rush “Pills” Limbaugh, in a delightful cameo!
Because American Carol did so well.
The previous post has been brought to you by the CAO (chronically anal obsessed) squad.
Next post will be from the OAO (you dingleberries figure out the words)
The baby can be an animatronic special effects type thing, voiced by Funnyman Gilbert Gottfried!
“ISLAAAAM IS THE LAAAAAAAAIIIITE!!”
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2: 2 Paul 2 Blartinous
Damn, what’s that smell? Did somebody blart?
Was this New Rule?
New Rule: New Rules need clear explanations except this rule because I don’t want to type more.
“There Will Be Blart”
[..]it might burn a bit. […] It feels like a massive shit you take in the morning […]
UR DOIN IT RONG!
Too Embarrassed to use Regular Pseudonym said,
February 2, 2009 at 22:24
Mall on the Floss? Duh….duh… I took too many stoopid pills today. Need help….
“The Mill on the Floss” is a novel by George Eliot, 1860.
“Total Eclipse of the Blart”
“Blart/Nixon”
“Blartacus”
But of course, George Eliot was not George Eliot, so Mill On The Floss</i? wasn’t really Mill On The Floss, but Paul Blart: Mill Cop.
Ted and Steve accidentally set the baby on fire, and there is much hilarity as they run to and fro in the background
NEW RULE: Smut is allowed to make the obvious sound-track suggestion.
The Blart Has A Lonely Hunger
The climactic scene of this takes very little imagining, so I’m for it.
Since the original Blart was such a masterpiece of subtle symbolism and deep commentary, the studio heads will be combining ideas from it and another famous art-house favorite to create the sequel:
Blarts On A Plane
Blarts On A Plane
Ewww, the Manchester, UK – NYC run on Delta…
“The Mill on the Floss” is a novel by George Eliot, 1860.
It’s a classic, but is it blart?
“300” (lbs): “This….is…BLARTA!!!!!!!”
The Metropolitan Museum of Blart.
Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Blart’s Club Band
I see that Mike Long’s essay is on Big Hollywood – has Breitblart himself weighed in on the film yet?
“Where the Blart is”
Xecky,
No. He’s got bigger fish to fry today.
We Were Soldiers Once, and Blart
Stop me before I Blart again
Old Rule: So as to avoid overlap and repetition, check the official catalog of New Rules before posting new ones.
“The Passion of the Blart” (based, of course, on the Kevin James version of the Bible.)
Blart Trek – The Wrath of Alkon
Blart of a Nation
Blarton Fink
Dial M for Blart
That Old Blart Magic
God I hate myself.
But hey, at least we got rid of the trolls
Kevin James version of the Bible
Hey! I made it thru a month of 2009 without a requisition for a new keyboard! And blew it all the second day of February!
Casablarta
It is heartening seeing so many conservatives – MacKinnon, Long, et al. – defending Paul Blart: Mall Cop in the name of conservative values. Because you know who would have fucking LOVED Paul Blart: Mall Cop?
William F. Buckley.
So, if this is really an open thread, then I guess I can trot out Magic No-Sex Crappy Clown
HT Dark Lord, Kos
All hail, Dark Lord Kos.
Didn’t Buckley write “Blart and Man at Yale”?
Here is how it will go down next week. First, the results from Virginia and North Carolina will come in, and they’ll be declared for Paul Blart, Mall Cop. You’ll be disappointed, but “no big deal, change can’t come overnight” will be your comment. Florida will go Blart-y, and a little nervousness will creep in. The usual suspects will fall into the usual categories. As the night drags on, Ohio, Colorado, and (much to your horror) Pennsylvania will be too close to call.
My advice at this point to you will be to go to bed. You will wake up to a Paul Blart, Mall Cop presidency and the Great Liberal Freakout will be on.
Bookmark this, mall terrorists, as this is exactly how it is going to go down. You will be wonder how the hell I was able to call this.
> So, if this is really an open thread, then I guess I can trot out Magic No-Sex Crappy Clown
So his “dream” was to balance ladders on his chin and lecture adolescents like a 90-year old spinster?
Sadly, yes.
But soft! What light thru yon window breaks? It is the blart.
I see that Mike Long’s essay is on Big Hollywood – has Breitblart himself weighed in on the film yet?
If he has, I haven’t seen it, but Debbie Schlussel “loved it.”
No WAY that abstinence clown doesn’t fuck little boys.
Paul Blart–a loser, overweight, longtime mall security guard (Kevin James)–is lonely and ridiculed. His illegal alien Latina wife, who married him for a green card, left him, and he lives with his mother (and daughter). And everyone at the mall treats him like dirt.
Hm. I think we get an insight into why FReepers love this turd.
Hm. I think we get an insight into why FReepers love this turd.
It does seem to go further than “snooty liberals don’t like it”, not that it needs to.
I’m sort of reminded of that film, though I can’t remember what it was called, that the reichtards were saying was the “antidote to Fahrenheit 9/11” or something. It seemed an inoffensive thing, mostly consisting of majestic American scenery, and nothing at all to do with F9/11 or politics at all, IIRC. The reasoning went that F9/11 said America was bad and this movie said America was good.
That is the sort of mind we’re dealing with here.
At some point the conservatives all got together and decided to start saying “thug” where they used to say “n****r.”
Props to Schlussel, though, for clarifying that “peeps” is street, or thug, lingo for “people.” (“Props” is street, or thug, lingo for “acknowledgment and respect.”)
Really, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
But I DO practice abstinence because I’m not very good at it.
No one has anything to say about Debbie’s one to four “Reagans” movie-rating scale?
‘Cause I do. It’s really stupid.
(”Props” is street, or thug, lingo for “acknowledgment and respect.”)
LOLz. Does she ever explain what “thizzle” was supposed to mean?
My fellow citizens:
I stand here today humbled by the Blart before us, grateful for the Blart you have bestowed, mindful of the Blart borne by our Blart. I thank Blart for his Blart to our Blart, as well as the Blart and Blart he has shown throughout this Blart.
Forty-four Blart have now taken the presidential Blart. The Blart have been spoken during rising Blart of Blart and the still Blart of Blart. Yet, every so often the Blart is taken amidst gathering Blart and raging Blart. At these Blart, Blart has carried on not simply because of the Blart or Blart of Blart in high Blart, but because Blart the Blart have remained faithful to the Blart of our Blart, and true to our founding Blart.
So Blart has been. So Blart must be with this Blart of Blart.
That Blart are in the Blart of Blart is now well Blart. Our Blart is at Blart, against a far-reaching Blart of Blart and Blart. Our Blart is badly weakened, a Blart of Blart and Blart on the Blart of Blart, but also our collective Blart to make hard Blart and prepare the Blart for a new Blart. Blart have been lost; Blart shed; Blart shuttered. Our Blart is too costly; our Blart fail too many; and each Blart brings further Blart that the Blart we use Blart strengthen our Blart and threaten our Blart.
Blart are the Blart of Blart, subject to Blart and Blart. Less measurable but no less profound is a Blart of Blart across our Blart — a nagging Blart that Blart’s Blart is inevitable, and that the next Blart must lower its Blart.
Today I say to you that the Blart we face are real. Blart are serious and Blart are many. Blart will not be met easily or in a short Blart of Blart. But know this, Blart — Blart will be met.
It does seem to go further than “snooty liberals don’t like it”, not that it needs to.
Yea, like a liberal never laughed at the Three Stooges.
I haven’t seen the movie. It might be funny. It might not be funny. If it’s funny, I’ll laugh. If it’s not, I won’t.
I have watched his hideous TV show and can pretty much make up my mind which way this will fall on the laff-o-meter.
Blart Simple.
The Big Leblartski.
Blarton Fink.
No Malls For Paul Blart.
Blart After Reading.
Okay, I’ll admit it, I just like the damn surname. It’s maybe the perfect onomatopoeia-type word I’ve heard this decade.
Still, How about:
Blartman Begins.
Blar*T.
The Blart on the River Kwai.
Wait. Didn’t renown conservative columnist and head of the formerly-anemic-but-now-amoebic PJ Media, Roger Hell Simon once write “Scenes From A Blart”? Was this a prequel?
No one has anything to say about Debbie’s one to four “Reagans” movie-rating scale?
Only to note with awe and confusion that zero Reagans equates to four+ Karl Marxes.
Meet the NEW RULE, same as the old rule!
Yea, like a liberal never laughed at the Three Stooges.
That’s how we separate the TRUE BELIEVERS from the Curly Joe-come-lately liberals.
All true leftists think Shemp was the height of comedy.
All true leftists think Shemp was the height of comedy.
But Joe Besser was a Stalinist.
The Blart Knight.
> ‘Cause I do. It’s really stupid.
Gotta do better than that. Remember, every utterance from every wingnut is assumed – correctly – to be stupid and senseless. One must add something to that base critique.
Eat a Bowl of Blart
Don’t Tell Paul Blart the Mall Cop’s Dead.
It was a Blart that brought down the WTC sheeples!
Shorter Andrew McBlarthy:
“Damn liberals ruined my homoeroticism fix!”
‘Cos, like, we have this, like, thread to maintain.
I did however get the order from above to pay dutiful respect to Shakira’s ass.
I believe that all Americans, no matter what political views, can get behind Shakira’s ass.
I dunno, do you think we’d all fit?
SlaughterBlart Five
BlartScape
Raging Blart
Blart Driver
The Seventh Blart
Dr. StrangeBlart or, How I Learned to Stop Worring and Love the Blart
I dunno, do you think we’d all fit?
STONE THE DOUBTER!
Wild Blartberries
Through a Blart Darkly
The Blarting
Moby Blart
Blartzil.
The Blartrix.
Blart and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Blart in the Shell.
Blart Club.
Blart Like Me (not well recieved amongst the reichtards).
Blartly, Blart!
LT,EiM:
I am pretty sure Obama’s stimulus package contains provisions to use stem cells to clone Shakira’s ass. If that can’t stimulate explosive growth, what hope do we have?
The Grapes of Blart
Blartanic
A Beautiful Blart
Forrest Blart
Gran Blartino
Million-Dollar Blarty.
Blart in the Time of Cholera
Aguirre: The Wrath of Blart
Like Water for Blart
Beauty & The Blart
Blartleby, the Scrivner.
It’s a wonderful Blart
Cloning Shakiras b0tt0m might be considered a waste of lab space, y’know.
Blart Trouble in Little China.
The Princess Blart.
The Wizard of Blart.
Annie Blart
Blart & Carol & Ted & Alice
Woodblart
A Blart Day’s Night
Blartleby, the Scrivner.
“I would prefer not to blart.”
Brilliant acting in the lead role by Billy Blarty.
2001 – A Blart Odyssey
Last Exit to Blart
Weekend at Blart’s
Das Blart
Cloning Shakiras b0tt0m might be considered a waste of lab space, y’know.
Are you confusing her with Jennifer Lopez here?
Anyway, I am sure the Yale Institute for Danzig Research would be able to spare some lab space for this project.
BLART ACCOMPLISHED
Ong-Blart: Mall Thai Warrior.
Wait a minute. I’d have sworn that right before the election Limbaugh was unctuating about how nobody knew anything about Obama–his character, his religion, his experience, his plans, what he stood for, what he looked like, whether he wore boxers or briefs . . . .
Now I read this purported quote:
Limbaugh: “. . . I’ve been listening to Barack Obama for a year and a half. I know what his politics are. I know what his plans are, as he has stated them. I don’t want them to succeed.”
“Blart!”
Blart, O Le 120 Giornate Di Centro Commerciale
In English: Blart, Or The 120 Days In A Mall
Glengarry Glen Blart.
Known especially for the phrase, “A-B-C, Always Blart Closing.”
I aint no goddamn son of a Blart
You better think about it baby
I aint no goddamn son of a Blart
You better think about it baby, babe
> Now I read this purported quote
You mean OxyRush lied? As Claude Rains said in Casablarto, I’m shocked!
Speaking of Claude Raines.
The Invisible Mall Cop.
A La Recherche Du Temps Per Blart
Of Malls and Men
Blart, the Revenge: In 3-D!
Frankenblart
Careful. All this blarting will encourage movie studio honchos to release four (and not just their three already planned) sequels.
Blart Runner
Blart Durham
Field of Blart
Dances With Blart
A Blart At The Opera
Blart Size Me
There are also TV shows planned.
“Wheel Of Blart”
30 Blart
Late Night With Blart
The Melancholy of Paul Blart.
Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart! Blart. Blart. We’re Blart! Read the whole Blart. Blart and Blart! Chris Blart!
Ah ha I may have confused the two chanteuses de Blart. And of course there are lab shakers that could cope with the gyrations required.
The Life Blartquatic
One Million Years B.C. (Blart Cop)
Late Night With Blart
I’ll bet he’s cheaper than Conan O’Brien too, and the best part is the show needs no changes.
Tralb
Sex and the Blart
Blart’s Happening!!!
My Mother the Blart
Car 54, Where are Blart?
The Malfunctioning Glenn Reynolds, Mall Cop Robot said,
February 3, 2009 at 0:28
Contrary to popular opinion, taking unfunny and mixing it with funny still does not produce funny.
The Way We Blart
The Strange Case of Benajmin Blarting
Altered Blarts
The Big Mall
Johnny Mallmonic
Cowalker, Rush has been using Prescott Pharmaceutical’s “Pilonidal Cyst-B-Gon*”…. Side effects include pucker lung, bone sporking, and entorhinal leakage.
*Now with more oxycodone!
Blarttle Rocket.
The Royal Tenenblarts.
New Movie Department said,
Um, shocked, not so much. But does he always contradict himself so blatantly?
Indiana Jones and the Crystal Blart
Riding in the Car with Blarts
Divine Secrets of the Blart-Blart Sisterhood
Driving Miss Blart
And who could forget the gender bender “Mrs. Blartfire.”
Blart Fiction
Babette’s Blart
Lord of the Blarts
A Room with a Blart
Things to Blart
Journey to the Center of the Blart
Blart Attacks!
The Blart King
The Silence of the Blarts
Excaliblart
The Usual Blarts
The Meaning of Blart
Saving Private Blart
Operation PettiBlart
Blart Bandits
Blart Boulevard
Blart and Clyde
I was going to suggest a remake of “Mother, Jugs & Speed” but couldn’t decide which to Blart. “Blart Wash” is obvious, though.
Four Blarts and a Funeral
Blart, Actually
The Incredibly Strange Mall Cops Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Blarts
The Persecution And Assassination Of Paul Blart As Performed By The Inmates Of The Mall Of Charenton Under The Direction Of The Mall Cop
City Blarts
Mr Blart Goes to Washington
The Blartese Falcon
To Kill a Mockingblart
A Blartwork Orange
Blartlands
O, Blart Where Art Thou
Beavis and Blarthead Do America
Nights of Blartiria
Blart 1/2
The 400 Blarts
Le Blart Rouge
Blartless
Spongeblart Blartpants
Blart Size Me
My god’s bigger than your god
My god’s bigger than yours
My god wears XL ‘cos he eats the souls from hell
My god’s bigger than yours.
The Blart is,
For those into war porn-
A Few Good Blarts
Apocalypse Blart
Heartbreak Blart
A Band of Blarts
Saving Blart’s Privates (a good movie combining war and porn to comic and erotic effect)
Ding dong Blart, loony libs!
But does he always contradict himself so blartantly?
Fecksed.
Strictly Blartroom
Long Day’s Journey into Blart
The Wizard of Blartz
I am Curious (Blartz)
Blart Like a Wheel
A Mighty Blart
Young at Blart
Angel Blart
Wild at Blart
Eat Your Blart Out
Blarty Getting Married
Chasing Blarty
Rain Blart
The Pink Blart
20000 Blarts Under the Sea
Blartman – the Dark Blart
Like Blart for Chocolate
Teh Blarts should not be allowed to talk about Blart on the Blart, particularly in a pre-game Blart before a sacred national Blart like the Blart where you have a captive Blart of millions of Blarts who can’t figure out how to turn off the Blart or change the Blart.
Blart’s Labyrinth
Blart Impact
In Blart’s Way
And of course there are lab shakers that could cope with the gyrations required.
Just think, if each lab had a Shakira clone, they would not need to buy centrifuges.
Shakira clones could also replace turbines in a power plant… I think we’ve just solved the “Clean Energy Technology” problem (occasional methane discharges would have to be accounted for, but the muscle and adipose mass involved would act as a really good “Carbon Sink”).
I never thought that saving the planet would be so sexxay.
Splendor in the Blart
A Segway Named Desire
The Blart of ’42
BLART
Obviously it should be, “Mother, Jugs & Blart”, yes?
Definitely, Mayblart.
Monty Python’s Life of Blart.
The Adventures of Blarton Munchausen.
Angel Blart.
Young at Blart
How about “Blart at Heart?”
Blartless in Seattle
It seems obvious to me that Blart itself gets funnier by the minute.
I may have to see this movie.
Wow, the “Blartsploitation” genre is upon us!
Blart Feast
2,000 Blarts
She-Blarts on Wheels
O, Blart Where Art Thou
Not “O Brother Where Blart Thou”?
And wait until Disney gets on the Blartwagon, remaking everything from “Steamblart Willy” to “BLART·E”
Damn you, MzNicky, taking Angel Blart.
Just for that, I’m gonna have to use:
Mr. Baseblart.
Plan 9 from Outer Blart
Blart of the Monster
Blart or Blarta
Poltergeist II: The Other Blart
Texas Chainsaw Blart
From the discography of the tragically short life of Blarty Holly:
That’ll be the Blart,
Peggy Blart,
Peggy Blart Got Married,
It doesn’t Blart Anymore,
Brown Eyed Handsome Blart,
True Blart Ways,
EveryBlart as featured in Stand By Blart.
As Don said, I felt a shiver with every newspaper I delivered…the day Blart died.
BASEketblart.
South Blart: Bigger, Wider & Uncut.
The Fearless Blart Killers
Rosemary’s Blart
Chinablart
The Ninth Blart
Jay & Silent Blart Strike Back.
BLART
BLART
BLART
This Island Blart
Blarts from Outer Space (btw, it’s Teenagers from … – an absolute fave)
12 Blarts
Blart Wars
Jurassic Blart
Not to mention Bootylicious.
A Blart for all seasons.
Paths of Blart
2001: A Space Blart
Full Metal Blart
Eyes Wide Blart
Who can forget such famous milestones of librul moviemaking as:
To Kill A Blartingbird
12 Angry Blarts
“Inna Blarta da Vida”, by that great band, Iron Blarterfly
Revenge of the Blart 2: Mall Cops in Paradise
Blart! The Herald Angels Sing
Some Like It Blart
By way of a disclaimer, I haven’t seen Paul Blart, Mall Cop, but the negative reviews remind me a lot of Armed and Dangerous (since somebody mentioned John Candy.) You really have to have been in the private security business at some point to appreciate it. Me, I consider it a documentary.
Blart on Mars
Robinson Blart on Mars
Escape from Blart
The Blart from Another World
Blart versus the Flying Saucers
Soylent Blart
Invasion of the Blart Snatchers
The Blart Machine
The Running Blart
Planet of the Blarts
The Day the Blart Stood Still
No Country for Old Blarts
Til Death Do Us Blart
The Blart of Something Big
The Passion of the Blart
Kill Blart.
Reservoir Blarts.
Blart-Boiled.
Blart Fish.
A Nightmare Before Blartmas.
Crouching Blart, Hidden Mall Cop.
Young Blartenstein.
A History of the World, Blart One.
Blarting Saddles.
Waltz with Blart
B for Blart
Blart Horizon
The Blart Hole
Hard Blarted
Blart Target
Face/Blart
A Fish Called Blart? A Blart Called Wanda?
aiahiahaihgihigighia my head is going to EXPLODE
Blartworld.
The Blarts.
Mall of 1,000 Blarties.
The Creature from the Blart Lagoon.
We really, really need a new thread.
This thread is really starting to stink.
Did somebody blart in here?
Play Misty For Blart.
Dirty Blart.
The Good, The Blart, & the Ugly.
From Blart Till Dawn.
Blartbarella.
Blartbette’s Feast
The Blart Witch Project
The Blart Brothers
Blarting the Waves
Cape Blart
Cool Hand Blart
Crouching Blart, Hidden Dragon
Dead Blart Walking
Dolores Blartborne
The Elephant Blart
Blarty Brokovich
Eyes Wide Blart
The Full Blarty
The Blartfather, Part II
Blarts in Atlantis
Blart Floats
Blarty Maguire
Legally Blart
The Blartcage.
PEOPLE! STOP FEEDING THE BLARTS!
I agree, new thread please. This is getting ridiculous.
Ah, ah, ah, MzNicky… say it in Blart, please.
2001: A Space Blart
In space, no one can smell your blarts.
Except you – a space suit is teh worstest dutch oven evar.
Reblartulous she means.
Blart Blart Blart Blart
Blart Blart Blart Blart
Wonderful Blart, glorious Blart
I don’t like Blart! Haven’t you got anything without any Blart in it?
I am pretty smurfed off.
Know what I like? Creed.
Blart Blart Blart Blart
Blart Blart Blart Blart
Wonderful Blart, glorious Blart
Blarty Vikings.
Not to mention Bootylicious
Shouldn’t that be Blartylicious, by Blartonce?
Now, can we have another “Demise of the Wingnut Blogosphere” post?
Or is that “Wingnut Blartosphere”?
My word the official Paul Blart site is a laff fest.
Fucking Creed. They really burn my gizzard.
Blart?
RedStater75 said,
February 2, 2009 at 16:46
The article says:
“A game so fantastic it even overcame the coverage by the awful NBC — Al Michaels and John Madden honorably excepted. ”
Read it next time.
Why read anything you or that bloat writes?
That BLART. Jesus fucking blart.
I would imagine the nucleus of hilariousness around which the st00pidity of PB:MC congealed is the infamous Mall Ninja.
I don’t know if the wingnuts would be lauding the original concept, as it hits painfully close to the CY, Ace, Buttmissile combination of cluelessness, pathos, and macheesemo (sic).
Five hundblartdth
Rusty Shackleford: Don’t you mean “Fucking Creed. They really blart my blizzard”?
BTW, were you a chubby little picked-on boy like McCarthy, Hannity and Rush?
Honus: To whom are you blartering?
Kind Blarts and Coronets
To Kill a Mockingblart
The Blarty Quinn
Mallcoptown
Blarty I II III IV & V
Beoblart
and the latest quizz show,
Let’s Make a Blart!
honus: cut that the blart out. We’ve got the trolls on a starvation diet.
Or do you have an old .06 that you talk about to make yourself feel tough, like RIM?
Sorry, but I figured after 500 comments I could feed the troll a little bit.
Beverly Hills Mall Cop
or is that Blartverly Hills?
To Blart or not to Blart,
That is the question
Friday The Blarteenth
Lepreblart
The Exorblart
Blartoween
There’s Something About Blart.
Me, Myself & Blart.
The Heartblart Kid.
isn’t it interesting . . . Mr. McCarthy had NOTHING BUT PRAISE when Rush Limbaugh was added to Monday Night Football (before it became obvoiud how worthless he would be on air).
So, after years of whining about Olbermann’s credentials (“he’s nothing but a sportscaster!”), suddenly the whores on the far right begin to whine about Olberman engaging in sportcasting.
Yes, the operative word here is WHORES. Mr. McCarthy included.
Wow. I haven’t seen a thread this long since Wonkette canned Megan Carpentier.
Perhaps you could repost each comment in that thread here. Individually.
The Telltale Blart
A Room with a Blart
South Blart: Bigger Longer and Uncut
The Blartfather
Horatio Blartblower
A Blart is Born
Blarts of Glory
Silence of the Blarts
The 40 Year old Blart
The Girl with one Paul Blarting
Guys, you’re wasting your filmtitle snarktalents. Up in Chatsworth, Vivid Video is crying out for someone to come up with the next “Splendor in the Ass” or “Schindler’s Fist” … a porno-knockoff title that will just jump off the shelves of the Starkville, MS Kwik-E-Mart shelves.
Deep Blart?
Did we have a thread for that?
‘Scuse me while I whip this out.
Blartbusters
Joan of Blart
Those were not meant to be taken as blart-porn titles.
Blarty of Arabia
The Blart in Miss Jones
How Blart was my Valley
Debbie Does Blart
Behind the Blart Door
Oh, Blartcutta!
I Am Curious (Blarty)
Citizen Kame
BLARTACUS!!!!
Hey, all you Tommy Tutone fans. You still have time to bid on Jenny’s number (story).
Gonorrhea With The Wind
“…the hiiiills are aliiiiive
with the Sound of Blarting…”
da da dadada, dadada da da….
& best Christmas movie ever-
Blart Santa
Where Blarts Dare
I, Blart-bot
Blarty Goes To Monte Carlo
Dr. Strangeblart (Or: How I Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love The Blart)
Kum Fu Panda (for the furries)
Misty Blarthoven
new tree plz – ipod touch no skrol gud
Me ow! Ow!
Here’s something I don’t quite get:
So, Republicans are banking on the fact that education works, therefore they should aim at the elite instead of yokels?
Forgot the pop-up. Kill me.
In the year 2078, Taxx Vader will explain Blart.
Blart’s Pendulum?
Also, FYWP
The Empire Blarts Back (the sequel to Blart Wars)
BLART-E
End of Evangeliblart: Death & Reblart
Blart-Hur: A Tale of the Blart
A History of Blartulence
… and how could we forget the immortal trilogy, Blart of the Rings?
Fellowship of the Blart
The Two Malls
Blarturn of the Cop
And what about the chick flicks?
Blartget Jones’ Diary
Love Blartually
Paul and Blartjudice
The Blarts of Malldison County.
The Blartish Patient.
Music & Blarts.
Sorry, I got here late. I’m still up near the dishwashing and vacuum cleaning (we have a Miele) But MzNicky, I didn’t realize blart was directional.
Blartkok Dangerous.
And for all movies with one-word titles:
Blart.
Groundhog Blart
A Fistful of Blarts
First Blart on the Moon
10,000 Blarts BC
And wait until Disney gets on the Blartwagon, remaking everything from “Steamblart Willy” to “BLART·E”
The Blart Hole
Blon
Blart Story
Pocablartus
The World According to Blart
Flowers for Blartenon
and the winner;
Nosfer-Blart Two !!!
Seven Blarts for Seven Brothers
Blarting Down to Rio
Blart Hat
The Blart of Music
Blart and Blarter
The Last Temptation of Blart
Slardy Blartfast.
Bloated thread is bloated!
The upcoming Dragonmall: EvoBlartion.
MzNicky: “Too much like work, and it doesn’t even squirt water.”
Yeah, I’ve had girlfriends like that before.
CoWalker: “I’d be interested in seeing [Jesus’] DNA–a male human with no human father.”
Shaped like ?, of course.
Andrew McCarthy: If Tony Dungy, Mike Holmgren, Al Michaels, Kurt Warner or that fuckup from the Lions who just got a bailout from NBC vote Democrat, I’ll eat my hat. (John Madden, after a decade of doing voice work for his video game franchise, now just votes for the guy who’s name is more fun to say, so of course went Obama this year).
I was almost bored to tears by the pregame show — it was exactly like being stuck in church when you’re missing a the big game. Then not just the National Anthem but America the Beautiful and a “God Bless America” before the game began? And that’s all canceled out because Olbermann was on the tee-vee not talking about politics for a minute or two? How much Jesus and flag-humping would there have to have been to cancel out Olbermann? How much more swill on how Kurt Warner is not only in the top 1 percent of NFL players, he’s in the top 51% of humanity would it take?
I also wish to protest the inclusion of chimps in the background. McCarthy’s features are way more rat like. Also, chimps are somewhat intelligent.
Oh good, I was afraid blart had become passe overnight like krumping.
My Dinner with Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Erin Brockoblart
Stop or My Mom will Blart
Paul Blart: Mall Cop’s Dracula
Whew. I’m spent.
Blart and Krumpenstance
Nice twofer, Actor21Blart.
For A Few Blarts More
The Good, The Bad And The Blarty
Destroy All Mall Cops
Sargent Blart of the North Western Mounted Police
Blart of the Yukon
A Mall Too Far
Abbot and Costello Meet Paul Blart
Blartzilla Vs. King Blart
Fatty Triumphant
Young Blartenstien
Mr. Blart Goes To Washington
And, finally, the prestige tv movie-of-the-week based on Paul Blart’s inevitable autobiography:
“I Faw Down ‘N’ Go “Boom”!”
Whew. I’m spent.
The Blart Who Shagged Me
(eeewwwwwwwwww)