I Am Brad’s Insomnia
For some reason, I can’t get to sleep tonight. And to make matters worse, I just read this WorldNetDaily headline:
Pat Boone shreds Cindy ‘peaceniks’
Music legend says U.S. ‘sitting duck’ for next 9-11 with message of peace
Hoe. Lee. Shit. Dude. Duuu-huuuu-huuuu-huuude. There’s no way I’m gonna be able to sleep until I read that whole damn article. I’ll stay up late if y’all will.
Take it away, Pat!
“America… HECK YEAH!”
Music and acting legend Pat Boone is blasting the peace message of Cindy Sheehan and other anti-war activists, claiming their rhetoric is making the U.S. more vulnerable to future terrorist attacks.
Blogging and butt sex legend Brad R. is blasting pseudo-journalist Joseph Farah for being laughably full of shit.
“This lady and the groups that have been demonstrating in front of the president’s ranch in Crawford and following him around are the very same people that were the dropout, turn-on, anti-war peace activists back [in the Vietnam War era],” Boone said.
Well, Cindy Sheehan was only ten years old during the Summer of Love, so I doubt she was doing all that much turning out, or dropping on, or tuning up, whatever it was those damn hippies were into.
“They still have this crazy notion that by just being peaceful and maybe toking up or something like that ? it’s like an ostrich with its head in the sand ? maybe the danger and the bad guys will go away and leave you alone, which is not gonna happen.”
I’m not sure what Pat’s talking about here, but I think he’s saying that by being peaceful, the protestors get this crazy notion that you can escape danger by mutating into an ostrich. In other words, it sounds Pat’s been doing some toking up of his own.
The original “American Idol,” who sold more records than any other pop artist in the 1950s except Elvis Presley, said no one likes war, and he wishes it were not the answer.
Pat, I’d have an easier time believing you if you didn’t think war was the answer to everything. Take a look what you wrote a while back:
Remember the Ayatollah Khomaini and the American hostages he held for so long? Remember the war between Iran and Iraq? Saddam at that point was our “friend” because he was the Ayatollah’s enemy, and if Reagan armed him it was in our national interest.
OK, back to the WND piece:
“But, look,” he said, “when [terrorists] destroy the World Trade Center right in front of your eyes in Manhattan and you know they’re going to do the same and worse things, to just sit back and say ‘Oh, let’s try not to make ’em mad at us, let’s don’t rock the boat, let’s just say peace is the answer, we love you, we love you’ … we’re just sitting ducks. More World Trade Centers, more 9-11s are gonna happen unless we try to take the battle to them on their turf instead of letting ’em bring it to us on ours.”
That’s a lovely recitation of GOP talking points, Pat. It’s good to know that you don’t just steal music, but ideas too.
During the program, Boone, a well-known Christian, took a strong stand against evolution, mocking the notion the U.S. would become some kind of repressive society if the theory of evolution were not taught in schools, and he supported the teaching of “intelligent design.”
Well, I dunno if “repressive” is the word I’d use to describe it. “Stupid” is more like it. “Ignorant backwater jam-packed with unemployable peons” would be even more accurate.
“The idea that all of this could have happened mindlessly with no blueprint is sheer stupidity and very unscientific.”
I love being accused of “sheer stupidty” by the same man who wears suits like this:
He cited America’s founding documents, quoting the Declaration of Independence as he stressed, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator … .”
“That’s how opposed to God Thomas Jefferson, who wrote that, was. Yet he is credited with trying to keep all mention of God out of public life. I wish Jefferson could be back here today just for 30 minutes to set things straight.”
Yeah, it’s not like Jefferson ever called for a wall of separation between church and state or anything.
Now at age 71, Boone has become politically active with a group called the “60 Plus Association,” a non-partisan seniors advocacy group which supports an abolition of the death tax.
I hope Pat gets to pay that tax. Soon.
“Taking people’s hard-earned savings from them when they have the poor judgment to die,” lamented Boone, “the government steps in and takes half of everything they had already paid tax on and saved.”
‘Cause you know how much they’ll need it once they’re dead!
[H]e’s releasing “American Glory,” a collection of patriotic songs, with one titled “Under God,” a response to California atheist Michael Newdow who has tried to remove the phrase from the Pledge of Allegiance.
The other four include a NASCAR-themed rock album, a gospel collection, love songs and Rhythm & Blues classics where Boone is joined by stars such as Smokey Robinson and James Brown.
Pat Boone. Is recording. A NASCAR rock opera.
…
I got nothing to say to that.
Despite his recording success, Boone has not been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, though there is an online effort pushing for his inclusion.
And after all he’s done for them! I mean, sure he took a bunch of Little Richard and Chuck Berry songs, whitened them up, and sold them to middle class suburbanites as safe, color-free alternatives. But c’mon- squarish honkies gotta get their groove on too! Kenny G. was still thirty years away, and Pat Boone happily filled the gap.
Is it because the Sox were crappy tonight. Thanks Manny- the human GIDP.
Hey, I sent the Trolls to Mexico, I told them Gavin M. was going down to an exclusive fat camp in Cabo. They decided to try and stake out the pool, so right after he gets his marg, they’re going to do a simultaneous cannonball into the pool and try to soak his copy of “The Nanny Diaries.” What they didn’t know is I put sugar in their gas tank, so they’re probably pushing their pimp boat ’75 Caddy El Dorado somewhere outside of TJ, and since I convinced them to go down there in drag, let’s just say they won’t be back anytime soon.
Capt. T just called me from outside TJ- he said “well, some gang is about to go to town on Asshat and the Major ran into the desert high on mescaline and Jock had somehow run off with the gang leaders girlfriend, and I guess we’re goign to pay the price for Jock’s manliness, and it’s been a good run, and even though some chicks got mad, even Mrs. Punko, we can be proud of being in the largest non-atrios threads in Sadly memory and that we entertained and pwn3d and SUCKED IT!1!!!!!!!!!!11 until the very end.”
He’s an actor?
I Liked Boone’s comedy album, but mostly.. I won’t say he sucks, but he inhales deeply.
Yes great, now the La’s “I Can’t Sleep Tonight” is brain-worming me.
Specifically, the “Song, sang, fing, fang, foo!” part.
DAMMIT!!!
God, I hate Pat Boone.
Ever hear “Wish You Were Here, Buddy,” his 60s song denouncing Vietnam protestors?
Lyrics here and here.
Same ol’ Pat.
(I have a 45 of this. Don’t ask.)
Pat always reminded me of a white version of Donny “No Soul” Simmons from the movie “Amazon Women on the Moon”.
I wonder if Marie Jon’ is a fan?
Great. Pat has gone and wrecked all of the credibility he gained when he released the album “In a Metal Mood”.
I’m a NASCAR fan, and Pat Boone doesn’t speak for me!!
Besides, until the RnR HoF allows Carolina Beach Music in, Pat Boone should never be allowed in.
I thought celebrities were supposed to just shut the fuck up?
I’m a NASCAR fan, and Pat Boone doesn’t speak for me!!
OK, I really, really don’t understand the appeal of NASCAR. It’s a bunch of cars going around the same goddamn loop for hours on end. It has to be the most fucking boring thing I’ve ever seen.
I can understand that feeling, but being in NASCAR country all my life, it was kinda indoctrinated. I actually just really got into it a couple of years ago when I went to my first race, and that was a ton of fun – it’s mostly just eating and drinking a lot. But I always knew pretty much everything about it because of growing up where i did.
But there is some strategy involved in NASCAR. Fuel, tires, drafting, and trying to get red-headed Australian neurosurgeons to fall in love with you despite the fact that you’re still going to go out there and race even though a wreck could kill you.
So help me God, if there’s a single Woody Guthrie song on Pat’s new album, I’m gonna be setting up my own fucking protest in his driveway.
“You Don’t Speak For Anybody With A Functional Brain, Pat!”
Brad, next time you have insomnia you might want to stop by Pat Boone’s very own blog. It will either put you to sleep or give you tons of new material.
Admittedly Pat’s blog is a little inconsistent. The last entry was about Terri Schiavo. He called Terri in his blog the new “Joan of Arc,” whatever the hell that means. I suppose it means that Pat expected Terri to jump up out of bed, get on a horse, and go save France or something like that.
Being at the race and eating and drinking is one thing. But TV, no way. NASCAR on the radio could lamost be excusable (the MOST boring thin g in the world) because that brisket or pork shoulder is going to tak at least 10 hours to smoke and ya got nothing to do anyway on the weekend so why not kill it with the NASCAR, I look at it this way- those races take a huge chunk out of some total cobag’s right wing radio show. Maybe we should get more races scheduled?
“I can understand that feeling, but being in NASCAR country all my life, it was kinda indoctrinated.”
I don’t mind NASCAR. Formula One is my racing drug of choice, though. And Grand Prix.
But Pat Boone? Who the fuck cares what Pat Boone has to say about anything? His music is for the heavily lobotomized and he has about as much personal style and character as an enema bag. He’s the TGI Fridays of the music world.
F1- all lead changes must occur on the first lap or due to car malfunction. See you in 2 hours.
See that’s the funny thing – I can’t stand formula racing. Go figure. But, PP, having the race on TV on a sunday afternoon is the next best thing to having golf on TV on sunday afternoon for a napping aid.
And forget about Pat Boone’s blog. Someone needs to do an expose of Pat Sajak’s wingnutty blog!
I have no interest in NASCAR, but I have no desire to denigrate the fans of NASCAR — hey, it’s a friggin’ sport, folks. If most NASCAR fans are Republicans (and I don’t even know for certain that that’s true), it’s their politics I care about, not their leisure-time activities.
On the other hand, NASCAR fans shouldn’t denigrate non-NASCAR fans. A lot of this is just regional preferences. Hey, I grew up in Boston on candlepin bowling (both as a bowler and, yes, a TV-watcher). I’m in New York now and I kind of miss it. It’s a New England thing — you wouldn’t understand. (And I wouldn’t expect you to.)
Brad, this’ll blow your mind — I babysat for a family once that taped NASCAR races they missed the live broadcasts of. Like, the whole race. Taped them.
I totally dig rally and autocross, and F1, but I have to concur: I can’t figure out why someone would watch a bunch of tricked-out Ford Tauruses drive around an oval track.
It’s like, imagine baseball with the players just jogging around the bases the whole time.
Brad, this’ll blow your mind — I babysat for a family once that taped NASCAR races they missed the live broadcasts of. Like, the whole race. Taped them.
See, I’m a baseball freak, but I even I don’t do shit like that. I didn’t even tape the World Series last year (even though I shoulda) because most of baseball is just really boring, especially when you know what’s gonna happen.
It’s like, imagine baseball with the players just jogging around the bases the whole time.
But sometimes, just sometimes, the players CRASH INTO EACH OTHER AND BURST INTO FLAMES.
It’s like, imagine baseball with the players just jogging around the bases the whole time.
Good point. That might make baseball interesting to watch. But instead they mostly just stand around and adjust their cups.
Call me an elitist and all, but as far as I’m concerned, if the rankings are determined by who won the most cash in a season, it’s not a sport, it’s a game.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with it being a game vs a sport, but honestly, until Bass Masters gets themselves a Superbowl, I’m not calling it a sport.
As in it’s a myth that he can act or sing.
And as far as the NASCAR/sports bit of the thread goes, yeah, this is one of the few places that I really fit in well in the SpongeDob “Is Your Kid a Queer” survey. I really don’t give a shit about any of ’em. About the only time I can be counted on to show a vague interest whatsoever is when something tickles the libido a bit-like Olympic swimming events (male). Love that underwater camera! But I still won’t go out of my way to watch it.
Oh, man–that’d be FUCKING GREAT!!!
Brad, you should warn us before putting up a picture like that. Ewww. Just…ewww. (Shudder.)
Brad, you should warn us before putting up a picture like that. Ewww. Just…ewww. (Shudder.)
If you read this bog regularly, you should know there are certain inherent risks 🙂
Steve M. — I was in a candlepin bowling league when I was a pre-adolescent, and I have fond(ish) memories of watching Bob Gamere hosting Candlepins for Cash on WBZ-TV. (“What do you like to do in your spare time, Frank?” “Oh, I go to the dogs, Bob.”)
Here in Chicago, if you try to explain candlepin bowling, they look at you as if you’ve sprouted three heads.
As for NASCAR, it does have some appeal to me as something to watch with my 2-year-old son, whom I am desperately trying to keep safe from the Dobsonian Signs of Queeritude. (He won’t sit and watch football with me for very long, but sometimes he will sit and watch the cars go zoom. Then he goes back to fiddling with his sister’s barette, which he has insisted we put in his hair. Is that bad?)
Steve, I went to the Candlepin Bowling site and can’t stop laughing. I’m not making fun, mind you. I’m a proud league bowler, myself (regular bowling, not candlepin). What’s so hysterical is….there’s a candlepin bowling song! It’s a groovy kinda thing. Kinda Al Green-ish soundin’. Ya gotta hear it.
I almost forgot… GO D.J.!!!
(That’s Dale Jarrett for you non-NASCAR-ers)
I’m about to defend Pat Boone, and that may greatly reduce what is left of my popularity. Pat Boone is not Newt Gingrich in terms of his political savvy or intellectual brilliance. But he’s not an indiot either. Furthermore, Pat Boone may come across as somebody trying to prolong his adolescence way beyond his middle aged years, but there’s one thing I’d like to defend about him. While the music critics were all carrying on about how boring music had become in the late 90s, Pat came out with an experimental CD in which he took old classic rock tunes from the 60s and gave them a lounge flavor. It was called In a Metal Mood. After all of the critics came out and basically tried to make him out to be the laughing stock of Western civilization for coming out with a CD that admittedly was not The White Album by the Beatles, Pet Sounds by The Beach Boy, or Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd, he was never really given the credit he deserved for just taking a creative risk and experimenting at a time when everyone seemed to be out to imitate everybody else. People criticize my music all the time because of its experimental flavor. They take something meant as an experiment and try to apply some ideal, purest standard of technical perfection to the piece. They just don’t get it. Some of the greatest works of our time ended up being mistakes that occurred in the midst of a musical experiment.
Back in 1967 (IIRC), Rev.Pat spoke to a crowd in the Harvest Bowl stadium near Roanoke, Virginia and said that it was every young man’s duty to fight in Vietnam. When questioned about his own lack of military service, Rev.Pat said that he had a deferment on account of children and because he was an ordained minister. Don’t know how that exempted him from duty, but I’ve always despised the craven hypocrite ever since. (Yeah, I’m that old. Get over it!)
They take something meant as an experiment and try to apply some ideal, purest standard of technical perfection to the piece. They just don’t get it. Some of the greatest works of our time ended up being mistakes that occurred in the midst of a musical experiment.
Somebody seriously compared Boone’s “experimental” CD to the White Album, expecting it to have those kind of standards? On a cover album? I kind of doubt that. I think they just wanted to make fun of Pat.
And I’d just like to point out that most of our worst works come from mistakes in musical experiment. Trust me, I’ve made many of them. And if you’re really nice, I’ll give you the link to some of the tamer mistakes (I haven’t put the other stuff online (though I might, if you’re not lucky)).
Oh, and my favorite part about Pat. As given above, he thinks we should stay on a warfooting to avoid another 9/11 (as if we were all peaceniks before), and yet bitches about paying the taxes necessary to fund that kind of stuff. It’s one thing to put your money where your mouth is, and it’s another thing to expect other people’s money to go there. I guess Pat just thinks that wars grow on trees.
And for the real Pat fans, here’s a link to some great Amway tunes (scroll down to #2):
http://www.ubu.com/outsiders/365/02-2.html
One of these is in my regular iTunes shuffle.
I’ve just been informed by Pat Boone’s management team that they may be able to arrange for me to interview him in November or December. If that ultimately happens, I will confront Pat about your comments about him, and your predilection for tearing apart In a Metal Mood, one of the most ridiculed and one of the most creative albums of the 90s. If that album was so uncool, why did it rise to the top of the charts at college and university campuses across the US? This is generally a pretty hip crowd. They recognized that with this release, Pat was ahead of his time. Anyone ahead of his/her time is subject to ridicule by those who simply just don’t get it. But your ridicule, as I have pointed out, ends up fueling the fame of those whom you attack. Your ridicule of me, and my music
http://www.drblt.com/freesong.htm
has made me more popular than my cameo in the MTV-award nominated music video by Cake for the song, Short Skirt/Long Jacket. And that was aired every day, several times a day for several months across the world. So keep protesting Boone. And keep protesting me. Many folks cast as clowns eventually end up with the role of KING! Now I am sounding boastful again, and I hate that in myself. I must once again humbly acknowledge the role all of you have played in the marked rise in interest as it concerns my song. Thanks again and again.
If that album was so uncool, why did it rise to the top of the charts at college and university campuses across the US? This is generally a pretty hip crowd.
And, of course, hip crowds never buy anything for ironic reasons. No, no hip person would ever buy anything terminally cheesy just so he and his hipster friends could rupture their spleens laughing at it! </snark>
Anyone ahead of his/her time is subject to ridicule by those who simply just don’t get it.
“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.” — Carl Sagan
But your ridicule, as I have pointed out, ends up fueling the fame of those whom you attack.
Elliot? Elliot McGucken? Oops, I mean Drake Raft? Is that you? It’s been ages! How’s the teaching gig at UNC going?
So keep protesting Boone. And keep protesting me. Many folks cast as clowns eventually end up with the role of KING!
See above.
Now I am sounding boastful again, and I hate that in myself.
No you bloody don’t. I think Eric Sturgeon said it best:
Think about it, won’t you?
What the SHIT is this? That blockquote wasn’t centered in the preview!
yeh pat boone is my great great (duno how many greats) cousin hes sings good for his time.. you this he sings bad then you prob sing bad so STFU! hahahahha fags =)