WorldNetDaily’s New Star Columnist
Here’s an excerpt from WorldNetDaily’s new star columnist, Erik Rush:
Due to a variety of factors (including national security), issues surrounding the U.S.-Mexico border have been in the forefront of discussion for many months. The precise number of Mexicans entering the U.S. illegally each year is impossible to accurately determine, but estimates average out to about 1 million. The motivation for the majority of illegal immigrants from Mexico is, as we are all aware by now, primarily economic.
So, I say: Annex Mexico. Handsome bribes to Vicente Fox and his underlings would no doubt bring them around to thinking it an excellent idea.
That’s goddamn genius. I don’t know why we haven’t thought of it before. Well sure, it’d leave us in charge of a country with a vastly weaker currency and higher poverty rate at a time when we’re running large structural deficits. Not to mention the fact that it’d give every country in the hemisphere incentive to send us boatloads of immigrants in hopes that we’d bribe them to stop. Plus, it’d be unlikely that the Mexicans, who are still pissed that we stole California from them (after they stole it from the Native Americans), would welcome us with open arms.
OK, now that I think about it, it’s not such a genius idea. In fact, it’s a pretty goddamn shitty idea. Thankfully, Erik addresses some of my concerns later in the piece:
As a contingency, we could probably enlist the cooperation of key players in the Mexican military fairly cheaply. A poll released on Aug. 16, 2005, by the Pew Hispanic Center indicated that more than 40 percent of Mexican adults would move to the United States if they could, so I seriously doubt there would be widespread rioting in the streets of Mexico City when the mutually agreed-upon annexation was announced.
Hey, I suppose if the Iraqis could greet us with flowers, anything’s possible.
But what about here? Certainly the prospect of all 107 million Mexicans potentially streaming across the border is something no one ? particularly alleged conservatives like myself ? wishes to contemplate… The oft-suggested border tightening ? probably utilizing the National Guard ? would need to be implemented until Mexico’s economy developed to the point where the economic incentive for relocation began to diminish.
So wait. Wait, wait, wait. You’re telling me that we’re going to annex Mexico, but we’re not going to allow the Mexicans to cross the border anymore. And you actually expect the Mexicans to be happy about this. What’s more, you think American taxpayers will cheerfully agree to pay for a complete overhaul of Mexico’s economic infrastructure in order to lessen the “incentive for relocation.”
Y’know, this reminds me of one of my favorite lines from This is Spinal Tap: “David. David. David. Wait, please, wait a minute. Have you any idea… what it will cost… to dress up the band as animals?”
We would gain complete and immediate legal control over both sides of the border (as well as all ports and points of entry within Mexico, a national security boon). Mexicans who are now coming here illegally would no longer be coming illegally, but safely and to verifiable destinations via public transportation paid for with their own tax dollars. The U.S. businesses that pounced on the market (partly to offset the loss of obscenely cheap labor) would be required to pay a percentage of their earnings to cover renovating the Mexican infrastructure, with a substantial allotment for education.
Wh… whoa… hold on a min… OK, this is completely baffling.
Erik, have you thought about how you’re actually going to garner support for this policy? In the first place, you’ll have pissed-off Mexicans who will resent being annexed by los gringos Americanos. Next, you’ll have pissed off Americans who don’t want to pay shitloads of money to occupy Mexico. Lastly, you’ll have pissed off American businesses who will be furious that you took away their cheap labor supply AND are taxing them to pay for Mexican infrastructure.
Honestly, I can’t think of a single person who thinks this is a good idea. And to prove it, I just dropped a bunch of acid and asked my imaginary friends, Big Red Octopus and Giant Talking Peanut, for their opinion of your plan. Suffice to say, they thought it sucked:
“Annex Mexico? What a retard! Kure kure kure!”
The finer distinctions of this admittedly cyclopean feat would be determined by more knowledgeable sociopolitical and economic minds than mine.
Uhm, yeah. I’d be willing to bet that people with greater sociopolitical and economic minds than yours aren’t going to look very fondly on your idea. What’s more, they’re quite likely to grab you by the shoulders, shake you violently, and say, “GODDAMMIT, MAN, WHAT KINDA DRUGS ARE YOU ON?!”
And seriously, Erik, I do want to know what kind of drugs you’re taking. Even huffing Grogan-Brand Rubber Cement won’t make you this crazy- you must be on some mixture of Red Bull and Whippits.
Now here’s the best part:
Then, we could move on to Haiti, which is essentially an African nation in the Caribbean, plagued by a level of corruption, poverty and squalor that is shameful given its proximity to our shores. I think we owe even more to Haiti than Mexico, given our government’s abysmal historical conduct there. And they don’t even hate us that much yet. In the case of Haiti, I think we could just call ahead and fly in.
Madness? Just look at how the poor devils live. I doubt a shot would be fired. You want madness? Let’s discuss attorneys and Geneva Convention protections for captured al-Qaida and other terrorists…
So there you have it. A pro-torture imperialist humanitarian. Until I read WorldNetDaily, I never thought such a thing existed. It’s some sorta accomplishment, I suppose…
Is he joking?
I mean, it’s hard to tell because when conservatives try to be funny, they just say the same things they usually say, only with a hearty hi-ho and a snuck-snuck-snuck….
He’s joking, right?
I know I shouldn’t ask.
I really don’t think he is. He probably knows that such a policy has zero chance of ever being implemented, but in his dream world, it’d happen.
Let us see. Mexicans are very much against the death penalty, religious right plays minuscule role in the political life, I guess giving them right to vote will tilt the political balance decively to the left. Just in case, annex Canada to and send wingnuts to political oblivion.
Hmmm… then we go on to annex more and more nations, eventually having just one world government, bringing on the reign of the Antichrist during the New World Order.
…
This guy is one of us!!!
How did Suge Knight gget a WND column, I mean you have to figure Joeseph Farah’s availed himself of all thsoe fighting sstems offered onhis site,…right?
Then, we could move on to Haiti, which is essentially an African nation in the Caribbean, plagued by a level of corruption, poverty and squalor that is shameful given its proximity to our shores. I think we owe even more to Haiti than Mexico, given our government’s abysmal historical conduct there. And they don’t even hate us that much yet. In the case of Haiti, I think we could just call ahead and fly in.
Madness? Just look at how the poor devils live. I doubt a shot would be fired. You want madness? Let’s discuss attorneys and Geneva Convention protections for captured al-Qaida and other terrorists…
Yes, because the Haitians have had such a terribly good recent expericance with US forces and no doubt have had their opinion of them greatly increased.
This new guy is fun- I hope to see more of his work in the future.
My god, my spelling must have been affected by the site of an infamously thuggish rap promoter pimping conservative doctirne, then again this could ust be a clever attempt to extort/sign Fat Joe, I mean he probably still has some relatives in PR, which under Suge’s plan woud probably be our 53rd state (after Hati but before Saudi Israelia)
Here’s a goldie oldie of his from 2003: I Want to Marry My Dog.
He’s kinda sexy for a wingnut who takes fashion tips from Aaron Neville. Whaddaya bet he’s got a serious collection of turquoise jewelry?
This dude has wide-ranging interests: music production, biomedical research, marketing and local politics. Isn’t that what old Karl Marx desired? Farmer by morning, fisherman by noon, weaver by evening? Aaugh! I’ve identified a plant!
This dude has wide-ranging interests: music production, biomedical research
I think he was the one being experiemented on…
“The finer distinctions of this admittedly cyclopean feat would be determined by more knowledgeable sociopolitical and economic minds than mine.”
Oh, I see somebody’s been reading Lovecraft. What an eldritch abomination of a column this is.
As a resident of Haiti for the first 18 years of my life I would like to say… well hell, I don’t know, but I too would like some of whatever drugs he’s been taking! And even if that situation had a microscopic chance of happening, there sure would be some shots fired!
Tapio-
I figured out already that he’s one of us.
“…I just dropped a bunch of acid and asked my imaginary friends, Big Red Octopus and Giant Talking Peanut….”
Dude! That octopus has a knife! Run! Run through the melting walls, dude!
VKW- I believe it’s a shovel, actually. I could be wrong, though, since GIMME GIMME OCTOPUS does contain multiple stabbings.
Ack! An original thought! Can’t have that.
It is a shovel- the favored weapon for killing baby seals… Quickly, let us grow wings and take fly into the aether!
Perhaps the only thing I can give him credit for in the entire pile-o-shit one could call his article is the fact that he admits that the US has been a poor example of a major world power in its dealings with Haiti. And he managed to do it without blaming Carter or the Clenis. Well paint me pink and call me Sally No, I’m impressed. It takes quite a bit of self-reflection (or drugs) for any conservative to admit that the US has messed up without blaming some sort of Democratic bogeyman and/or The Left. (Curse you Norbizness! I thought it was your job to make Haiti a blemish upon the Western Hemisphere, and you just let the United States beat you to the punch!)
1. Close your freakin’ italics tag.
2. Do you think if we write to Erik and ask him nicely, he will explain how we would be expected to control all those additional ports and points of entry in Mexico when we can’t or don’t even have much control over our current ports and points of entry?
Would that be New New Mexico?
New Mexico II? (electr.. ,nah)
Annex mexico, huh?
What exactly was the plan with taking texas, NM, Nevada, and So Cal.?
I have a better idea. We keep (Nevada) Vegas and (NM) Albequerque, they get the OC and all of Texas.
Preferably before the month is out.
Holy crap! Adam Graham of Renew America stopped by and left a comment! And it’s really stupid!
Ack! An original thought! Can’t have that.
Adam, anyone can have an original thought. Having an original thought isn’t a good thing if said thought is really stupid. For instance, I could think about picking out my ear wax, grinding it into fine powder, and snorting it like coke. It’s certainly an original thought- unfortunately, it’s also really dumb.
Wait, I think this is an excellent idea. Its the reverse of colonialism. Very progressive. I know many who are not citizens of US who want to have a say in US policies, because it directly affects them. This way, those who are currently Mexicans and Haitians would have say in US policies. If US annexed Iraq and Afganisthan (annexed, note, not colonized as it has now), then nothing like Fallujah, Guantanamo Bay, Abu Ghraib would be possible. These guys would become voters. Sadr would fit right in with Pat Robertson, he’d be on Fox. Chalabi would continuously switch sides. The Iraqi, excuse me, US army in Iraq, could be properly trained and armed… Oh never mind armed part. What is there to not like? This guy is a true progressive.
“cyclopean feat”? Giant, one-eyed son of Poseidon? Lives in a cave? Eats whole sheep? Makes sense to me.
I think he meant Sisyphean, but this is better.
No, he does mean cyclopean. I was about to correct it, too, but I looked it up and found it has a secondary meaning of huge or massive (Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate, 11th edition). Too bad.
“but I looked it up and found it has a secondary meaning of huge or massive”
It also refers to a style of architecture that utilizes large, irregular stone blocks that are fitted together without mortar. That’s the definition I’m used to, and needless to say, its usage in this article caused a momentary bout of confusion that may well have doomed the entire universe to extinction (It may have. You can’t prove that it didn’t!)
I still say it’s about the sheep.
Well, basing US Foreign Policy in this hemisphere on a variant of the “Mouse that Roared” could hardly be worse than anything that the Foggy Bottom Braintrust can do, is it? I mean, really…
I think we can mollify the Mexican citizens by first giving them Texas, NM, Arizona, and Cali back, and *then* annexing them. Everybody wins!
“you must be on some mixture of Red Bull and Whippits”
You mean the dogs? That’s terrible. Do you feed the Red Bull to the dogs first, and then… or do you chase the dogs with the bulls? I dunno.
The dogs are spelled “Whippets.” “Whippits” are slang for the gas you inhale from whipped cream cans.
Was he talking about corndogs?
Brad said: “…you think American taxpayers will cheerfully agree to pay for a complete overhaul of Mexico’s economic infrastructure in order to lessen the “incentive for relocation.”
Brad, it worked with Iraq. Just tell us that we’re fightin’ those evil, Muslim terrorists and we’ll pony up the dough! “…you think American taxpayers will cheerfully agree to pay for a complete overhaul of Iraq‘s economic infrastructure in order to lessen the “incentive for relocation.”
And if you can avoid editting my comments to suit your agenda, that would be appreciated.
Sorry, didn’t catch how the comments were going. My bad, I know it’ll be a whole hilarious post on this, I’m sure.
I think that the idea isn’t comparable to the example you gave because what you described what just indescribably stupid. It didnd’t address any problems, wasn’t trying to be innovation it was just trying to be flippant.
Adam, go to bed.
Yes… he just described something that is impossible to describe because of it’s indescribable stupidity…
makes sense to me!
Bao?
On a lark I thought I’d Google “annex mexico”. Big mistake. Oh God was it a mistake. It would be a nice world where the United States of North America could actually exist. Getting there….oh boy. I stopped for a visit at WorldNetDaily, and had a few peeks at the other sites with similarly bland names that most actively discuss annexing Mexico.
I need a bath.
I do like the idea of American resources reforming the Mexican states, but I know it could never happen. Mexican states would have to change too much. The Federal Government would have to change too much. And it would cost entirely too much. Oh well.