Bodily Fluids Week Continues With Bert Prelutsky
It seems that our old, old, old, old, old, old pal Burt Prelutzky has begun contributing to Andrew Breitbart’s Haunted Clown Toilet of Angry Sad.
A Plea To Unendow The Arts
by Burt PrelutskyFor years, I have argued against the very existence of the National Endowment of the Arts.
For years, Burt has been unable to distinguish between the address bar on Internet Explorer 3.01 and the Lycos Search bar that his nephew installed, and has been looking for the so-called NEA with the art and the naked lady with the yams only to find this and this, not to mention this.
But like that Netscape 4 that everyone talks about, if it does exist, he’s against it.
If an artist can’t be self-sustaining in a capitalist country as large and as rich as America, he should get into another line of work. It’s certainly not the business of the politicians and the bureaucrats, who you notice aren’t spending their own money, to support him and his artistic pipe-dreams.
O-ho-ho! You notice those politicians aren’t spending their own money on protecting wildlife. If a whale can’t be self-sustaining in a capitalist world as large and rich as The World, it should get into another line of work, with its pipe dreams of free American taxpayer plankton.
O-ho-ho! You notice those politicians aren’t spending their own money on Social Security. If an old coot can’t be bothered to plan for his retirement in a capitalist media town as large and rich as Los Angeles…
Burt can speak about how he came to have a writing career in television and even how, at the age of 50, because of ageism in the industry, he came not to have one.
…Why, he should get into another line of pipe dreams, with rise-up-and-wise-up on the high-on-the-hog excelsior, not owes-you-a-living public tax teat of the something-for-nothing free lunch for Freddie the Free-loader, by thunder.
This and other rhetorical attaques au fer are what one will find in Dousing the Casuistries of the Know-Nothings: A Practical Compendiary of Arguments of Demonstrated Efficacy Against To-day’s Nativist and Anti-Papist Scoundrels, With an Additional Chapter on Embarrassing the Dunnder Heads of the Whig Party, a pamphlet in our collection whose usefulness seems never greatly to diminish.1
By the way, if you feel a natural urge toward sympathy with Burt and his cratered TV writing career, there’s a lot of stuff like this that has influenced our own feelings in that regard.
If 300 million of us have decided we don’t wish to underwrite inferior work,
By Burt’s sampling, 300 million of us would rather watch Matlock than those crazy shows with the slang and the swearing, and hate it when they misplace their glasses; and definitely prefer the 4:30 Early Bird Special at Cracker Barrel to. . .uh, what’s that other place, Negro Barrel, heh heh? No, The Waffle Hut, or House. Yes sir, that place is full of some “shady” characters if you know what Burt means, and 300 million of you do.
…where do a handful of senators and congressmen get off wasting millions of our tax dollars to keep these dilettantes in beer and skittles?
We are dealing with an intellect capable of repeating the famous phrase from Tom Brown’s Schooldays without some mental flag raising on its pole to warn that the ‘skittles‘ to which it refers is not necessarily a consumable food item cognate to Skittles, the fruit-flavored candy.
Understand, I’m a live-and-let-live kind of guy, and I have no problem with the private sector squandering its own money any way it likes. Heck, if the trustees of the MacArthur Foundation see fit to bestow $300,000 grants on a bunch of weirdos who write Eskimo poetry or build sand castles, that’s their affair. Still, I can’t imagine why they’d rather give all that money to some beatnik who makes giraffes out of pipe cleaners, and will probably blow the dough on cheap hooch and wild women, when they could just as easily give it to me, knowing that I will use it to buy tax-free municipal bonds.
Beatniks, even. Let’s play Fantasy Bond Market with Burt:
Moody’s warns it may cut California’s debt rating
4:06 PM, January 21, 2009California, tied with Louisiana for the lowest credit rating among the states, now is in more danger of claiming rock-bottom all for itself.
Moody’s Investors Service today warned that it might downgrade California’s general obligation bond rating, currently A1, because of the state’s “significant budgetary shortfall, impending liquidity crisis, and lack of legislative solutions.”
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’ve really gotten lazy over the past few months. Just now, I was like, “Bla bla, tax free municipal bonds. Joke: better to invest in cheap hooch futures, add factual cite,” without remembering anything about the health of the municipal bond market, but appreciating — as we all, I think, have come to do — that right-wing loons like Burt will be wrong at rates greater than chance.
So no, I don’t even check things ahead of time anymore. I write pretty much from top to bottom and look things up desultorily after deciding which truth-claims would be funny if they were wrong. Which, in point of fact, they almost always are. Back to Burt:
Almost every time you read about a community going berserk over an art exhibit that is either sheer pornography or re-creates the Christmas crèche using animal blood and human excrement, you can rest assured it’s your tax dollars at work.
Like, here’s one right here. Was there ever a tax-funded Christmas crèche that used animal blood and human excrement? I think he’s making it up. Let’s find out. Bloody poo crèche, bloody poo crèche, have you any nuts?
But wait, yes, there’s one result there. It’s the exact same Burt Prelutsky essay, only published in Men’s News Daily in January 2005. Some of the paragraph breaks seem different, and he uses the term ‘tax-free munis’ instead of ‘tax-free municipal bonds,’ but otherwise it looks like Breitbart digs the classics.
Was there really a bloody poo crèche? I’d be grateful to hear of it if anyone has ever encountered such a thing — I’d almost rather it existed than have right-wingers slinking around inventing bloody poo crèches to illustrate the depravity of liberal artistic, you know, invention. That would make them seem almost creative in an entartete Kunst sort of way, which, um, okay, on second thought, forget I mentioned that, jeesh, yipes.
1 The argument, “When a Public Endeavor Is Said to Be of Low Worth, For a Public Servant Is Unwilling to Spend his Personal Funds Toward its Maintenance” is cross-indexed with the riposte, “Then Sir, shall we then expect you to pay us in Cash or Specie for the public side-walk under lease of your gouted hooves?” It really works every time.
I had a bloody poo creche next to my shit moat. Kept the non-believers away, for sure.
It’s all about the Piss Christ. They’ve never gotten over it.
Burt can speak about how he came to have a writing career in television and even how, at the age of 50, because of ageism in the industry, he came not to have one.
A great man once said, “If an artist can’t be self-sustaining in a capitalist country as large and as rich as America, he should get into another line of work. It’s certainly not the business of the politicians and the bureaucrats, who you notice aren’t spending their own money, to support him and his artistic pipe-dreams.”
Psst, Gavin! XYT! You’ve got bold written all over this!
Thank you!
How long ago did he lose his ‘career’?
50? What, when Regan was elected?
“Beer and Skittles”
Skittlebrau?
If an artist can’t be self-sustaining in a capitalist country as large and as rich as America, he should get into another line of work.
Maybe they can become bankers.
FUCK OFF BURT PRELUTSKY
Sorry, force of habit.
I knew I’d heard that complaint about eskimo poetry before. Gov. Ritchie complained about it in his famous debate with President Bartlet.
That’s Prelutsky thinking for you. When will he realize nowadays we’re living in a Postlutsky world?
Who is this old fart? I never heard of him.
I forget the details, but there was some hoo-hah about Christ being rendered in poop or something like thay. I don’t know if it was NEA funded but it was definitely a hoo-hah.
I’ll bet. Mr. Scaife on line two.
I think it was the Virgin Mary executed in elephant dung. Forgive me for assuming that was Bert Prelutsky’s preferred medium for artistic expression.
where do a handful of senators and congressmen get off wasting millions of our tax dollars to keep these dilettantes in
beer and skittlescharge of FEMA.Fixed it for gramps.
That’s Prelutsky thinking for you. When will he realize nowadays we’re living in a Postlutsky world?
*snerk*
If 300 million of us have decided…
Motherfucker, I didn’t say you could speak for me, now, did I? One day, one day, the whinenuts will realize that “Me” does not equal “everybody in the country”. Sheesh.
It’s all about the Piss Christ. They’ve never gotten over it.
Yeah, and after they got a life-size chocolate Jesus and everything.
I forget the details, but there was some hoo-hah about Christ being rendered in poop or something like thay.
It was a picture by Andres Serrano called “Piss Christ” with a statue of Christ on His cross sitting in a beaker of urine.
Serrano has never publicly stated the theme of the work, preferring to focus on making more art.
Even the noted Anglican nun & art historian, Sister Wendy Beckett (who did that really nice series on PBS about the great museums of Europe) felt it was about how we have turned our backs on Christ’s teachings and was not offended by it at all.
Any reference to Breitbart’s House of Fail should immediately start with his column begging the GOP to use Abercrombie models as its activist base.
Most great classical and Renaissance art was funded by the state (if you include the Vatican as a state, which is reasonable to do).
Michelangelo didn’t carve the fucking Pieta on spec.
So this is what happens when you get turned down for an NEA grant. The NEA probably got jealous, Burt writes better fiction when he’s really trying to write fact.
If 300 million of us have decided we don’t wish to underwrite inferior work
Show of hands, America: How many of you want to spend either a trillion dollars on a war with no end in a land that has learned to hate us toppling a tin-plate dictator, or $300,000 on a piece of plastic in a glass beaker from some doctor’s office?
Lemme see….299,999,997, 299,999,998, 299,999,999…who’s missing?
Oh, it’s YOU, Prelutsky…
You gotta concede that it is ageism that’s keeping Prelutsky from his rightful sack of Skittlebraü. After all, I writer that can come up with something like “bloody poo crèche” is practically tailor-made for Hollywood.
Michelangelo didn’t carve the fucking Pieta on spec.
You should have seen the uproar when the rector of Cappella Sistina came in one day to find him priming the ceiling!
http://www.azcentral.com/ent/pop/articles/1213poopart1213.html
The author is writing about Santiago Sierra’s exhibit of 21 slabs of human excrement. He’s supposedly trying to sensitize the public to the horrible job of the scavengers India, who traditionally cleaned private toilets and outhouses in India.
Of course there’s also Mr. Hanky in the South Part cartoons.
So far I guess we haven’t seen a poo creche. If one is created, will one of those welfare queens who own Cadillacs install it in her front yard? She will probably have granite countertops too. On the bright side, she will die prematurally due to the radon they emit.
Still, I can’t imagine why they’d rather give all that money to some beatnik who makes giraffes out of pipe cleaners, and will probably blow the dough on cheap hooch and wild women, when they could just as easily give it to me, knowing that I will use it to buy tax-free municipal bonds.
Huh.
Pipe-cleaner-giraffes are art, worthy of private funding.
B-Pizzle doesn’t say it explicitly, but I guess he’s pretty good at pipe-cleaner-giraffes, since he goes on to suggest he should get that private funding.
But here’s the real crazy part: he suggests that bonds are a better investment than hooch and women. You’ve got to make your case a little stronger than that, sir, to convince us of that!
In short: MATLOCK!
Nope, not the Piss Christ, but some piece of art that was an image of Mary done in cow dung that was being presented at a museum in NYC as part of the collection of wealthy skillionaire Charles Saatchi (the same guy who owns Damien Hirst’s shark bits in formaldehyde). Giuliani got all bent out of shape about it and tried to have it banned. I think that’s what he’s referring to, even though it wasn’t publicly funded.
Why does the government pay weapons manufacturers? If they can’t be self-sustaining &c.
OT: How did American Idol become the go-to for the dissolution of reason in the 21st century? It’s just a fucking singing contest.
When I receive money from the Govt. I only blow half of it on cheap hooch and wild women, and the other half I waste.
Nope, not the Piss Christ, but some piece of art that was an image of Mary done in cow dung that was being presented at a museum in NYC as part of the collection of wealthy skillionaire Charles Saatchi (the same guy who owns Damien Hirst’s shark bits in formaldehyde). Giuliani got all bent out of shape about it and tried to have it banned. I think that’s what he’s referring to, even though it wasn’t publicly funded.
Oh, the Sensation show? The one with “The Holy Virgin Mary” by Chris Ofili?
Still, I can’t imagine why they’d rather give all that money to some beatnik who makes giraffes out of pipe cleaners, and will probably blow the dough on cheap hooch and wild women, when they could just as easily give it to me, knowing that I will use it to buy tax-free municipal bonds.
Speaking as someone who partly pays his rent by playing old country music for fratboys and who’s never, to my knowledge, been even remotely connected to any sort of financial crisis like folks who might buy tax-free municipal bonds or other such investments, I think the government should kick a little bread my way each month. Why should the Chi Phi’s have to should all the burden?
and the other half I waste
Heh.
I think the government should kick a little bread my way each month. Why should the Chi Phi’s have to should all the burden?
Apparently the old country music you’re playing isn’t old enough, Matt.
I think that’s what he’s referring to, even though it wasn’t publicly funded
The exhibit was not publicly funded, but the Brooklyn Museum, sadly, receives a lot of public funding.
I am outraged, outraged I tell you! The beatniks who live upstairs are supplementing their Social Security with a grant from the NEA to perfect their finger snapping. As if those arthritic old fingers will ever snap worth a dry duck butt. Now Pat Boone, there’s a performer that razzes my berries.
I think the government should kick a little bread my way each month.
They ought to give ME money for my extensive Chiapet collection! I mean, it even includes the very rare “Bart Simpson from the Tracey Ullman” pot done on spec!
Chris Ofili’s rendition of the Virgin Mary on a canvas spattered with elephant dung
Elephant dung does not spatter very well. Trust me.
It would be more accurate to describe Ofili’s painting as incorporating some solid nuggets of elephant dung (thoroughly varnished), in the same way that an icon might incorporate a semi-precious stone, but it would sound far less sensational.
If memory serves, he’s also responsible for a portrait of Queen Liz II with chunks of dung to decorate her tiara.
“Innit dat cute?”
If art evokes anything more than that, it’s subversive.
Apparently the old country music you’re playing isn’t old enough, Matt.
Dude, we do some Jimmie Rodgers and Emmett Miller songs from the late ’20s, it don’t get much older. ‘Course, given the large influence both men had from black music, you’re right, it’s probably too modern for Burt’s tastes. “T For Texas” might as well be some hippity-hop.
[added a paragraph apropos the pamphlet of great utility]
Still, I can’t imagine why they’d rather give all that money to some beatnik who makes giraffes out of pipe cleaners, and will probably blow the dough on cheap hooch and wild women.
with prose like that its suprising that Hollywood thought him too old. With such crackling fresh dialog I might have mistook him for Josh Weedon.
Dude, we do some Jimmie Rodgers and Emmett Miller songs from the late ’20s, it don’t get much older.
Sadly, Prelutsky’s country music involves bashing rocks together sort of rhythmically and then screaming in agony because your fingers got caught in between.
If I’m an artist who buys munis should I get double the grants? I promise to spend it all on wild woman.
Dude, we do some Jimmie Rodgers and Emmett Miller songs from the late ’20s, it don’t get much older.
Very cool! I’d vote some of my taxpayer dollars your way.
bloody poo crèches
This would certainly deal with the problem of nefarious atheists stealing the Baby Jesus.
Does anyone request Old Shep?
Piss Christ wasn’t a crucifix in a beaker of urine; it was a large photograph zoomed in on the crucifix with a golden glow around it. It wasn’t just a beaker sitting on a display podium.
Piss Christ was done by a Catholic artist and it was related to the idea of Communion and the transubstantiation of Christ’s flesh to bread and blood to wine; he was making a connection to body fluids and how even piss could be holy if you accept that all of Christ was holy. Even his shit.
Or he could just be pointing out that the image of a crucifix surrounded by a golden light (from the urine) is plainly beautiful, no matter the provenance. That the substance is urine isn’t meant to offend because there isn’t anything intrinsically worse about urine compared to blood or other body fluids.
He’s right you know. I just saw “Milk” and at one point Jimmy Franco’s character described purchasing a quantity of “grass” with the proceeds of his unemployment check. Now, Franco’s character is both gay and relatively beatnikesque. What does THAT tell you?
Reading through Purlansky’s old columns (not recommended), I wonder how he was ever able to make a living as a writer at ANY age. He’s terrible.
Let us note that Bert depends on government to keep extending copyright for his living.
I’m pretty sure “Dogs Playing Poker” was made possible through an NEA grant.
Still, I can’t imagine why they’d rather give all that money to some beatnik who makes giraffes out of pipe cleaners, and will probably blow the dough on cheap hooch and wild women, when they could just as easily give it to me, knowing that I will use it to buy tax-free municipal bonds.
—
There was a sculptor at an artists’ colony I had a residency at some years ago who made stunning sculptures out of safety pins. They weren’t just quirky, although they certainly were that, they were honest-to-God gorgeous. They weren’t her only medium, but she worked with them a lot. So I’m sure someone inventive enough could do something beautiful with pipe cleaners.
And Jesus, every damn artist I’ve ever known works his or her butt off to do what they do, usually having to have a day job (or two or three) to make ends meet, never knowing if they will ever be able to make a living from their art. I’m sure there are some genuine phonies (oxymoron?), but I’m not sure I’ve met one. Even the artists whose work I have hated were sincerely trying their best to make something worthwhile, even if in my opinion they didn’t succeed. I’m so sick of this artist-as-lazy-parasite meme…
And I’m sure I’m not the first person to suggest this, but the single best thing the government could do for artists would be to institute universal health care, like every other first-world nation has, so that free-lancing as an artist (or anything else) wouldn’t mean choosing between putting your health, and that of your family, at risk, or paying 3/4 of your income for private health insurance (even assuming you could even get it).
For reference.
http://us.imdb.com/name/nm0695902/
Heh…iiinterestink.
And Jesus, every damn artist I’ve ever known works his or her butt off to do what they do, usually having to have a day job (or two or three) to make ends meet
Heh indeed.
That word, ‘dilettante’, I do not think it means what Prelutzky thinks it means.
[He actually believes it is French for “My aunt is a pickled gherkin”]
So I’m sure someone inventive enough could do something beautiful with pipe cleaners.
Ya think, huh?
http://tinyurl.com/bflw27
Gee, I wonder why ol’ Burt hates something with the word “endowment” in its name?
Thank you ben for helping me look like a dummy although I was making great strides myself: what I mean to moan about in copyright is the excessive length of time granted to copyright holders, which includes the extensions. I figger the world would be a better place with 20 years of copyright which’d put Bert’s MASH and Mary Tyler Moore residuals beyond reach.
…where do a handful of senators and congressmen get off wasting millions of our tax dollars to keep these
dilettantesfuckin old fucks inbeer and skittlesfood and disposable adult undergarments.Fixulated.
You mean this yay-hoo wrote for “M.A.S.H.”? The already moderately anti-war show that went full-blown commie when the Original Sensitive Man Alan Alda took over with a sensitive, caring yet nevertheless iron fist and still managed to be the most popular thing in America besides Elvis? No wonder he’s still cranky, that had to’ve chapped him.
“Piss Christ was done by a Catholic artist and it was related to the idea of Communion and the transubstantiation of Christ’s flesh to bread and blood to wine; he was making a connection to body fluids and how even piss could be holy if you accept that all of Christ was holy. Even his shit. ”
I prefer to think of it as a test of faith. “So you believe in transubstantiation, do you? Well, you won’t have any problem drinking this then!”
Bert farts at the MASH reunion.
That’s a very funny point that I’m going to get a lot of use out of. Why wine and not urine or whatever’s under the sink?
That’s a very funny point that I’m going to get a lot of use out of. Why wine and not urine or whatever’s under the sink?
It’s not as holy. You drink enough wine, though, and you’ll eventually see God. Or a close aproximation, at least.
If Jonah Goldberg can’t be self-sustaining in a capitalist country as large and as rich as America, he should get into another line of work.
Hey, what about Ms. Shitmoat? That video at John Cole’s place is worth mentioning even if he beat you guys to it. Come on, bring on the Amy Alkon!
I curse you.
how, at the age of 50, because of ageism in the industry, he came not to have one.
I’m calling bullshit on this one. Nobody cares how old a writer is. If he was an actor, he might have a point.
Why wine and not urine or whatever’s under the sink?
V for Vendetta used this idea, at least in the comic version.
The site is definitely not PC and NSFW, but hit the link for my webpage and scroll one minute and 55 seconds into the video of why the Obamas’ marriage works and you’ll find out something about them you didn’t already know.
It’s here, if this is easier: http://www.drunkenstepfather.com/index.php/2009/01/22/the-secret-to-the-success-of-the-obama-relationship-of-the-day/
Of course, that $350 billion no-strings-attached giveaway to the banks could have paid for every bit of art produced in the US, from little first-grader Meagan Krankbonger’s wobbly clay candy dish up to Thomas Kincade’s latest assembly-line schlockstravaganzas, with enough cash left over to genetically engineer enough warp-enabled sparkle ponies to take us all to the Planet of Sex and S’Mores, but that’s not Preslutsky’s point; his point is, you damn kids, not all the money in the world can help him get his Hollywood hack mojo back, so fuck all y’all art-school hoemoes.
Unfortunately, I just read David Denby’s book on snark and cannot reply this a.k.’s pro-torture and philistine views in the matter they merit.
I saw both the dung madonna and the pee Jesus and thought they were both art in a big way. Reading about them, though, is like reading about any other form of art; it’s hard to get the perspective. However, when you’re an old crock who longs to make a difference via torture, you probably don’t have much time for culture.
I still say that site needs to become widely known as Big Hollywood Butthurt.
realist
ageism in the writer’s world of hollywood is real and pernicious. i’m not sure what to do about it–networks want shows written for a certain target audience and it is hard to stay culturally relevant when shows tend to be explicitly timely rather than timeless.
there are a few exceptions to this rule: clint eastwood and larry gelbart are two that come to mind (i’ve worked with larry and his level of wit, erudition and rage is astounding. he’s never lost a beat). the irony in this, and the reason that bighollywood is the stupidest shit moat ever to pee on a christ figure is that larry gelbart is a liberal and clint eastwood is a conservative AND NO ONE GIVES A FUCK! no one hires them for that reason or doesn’t. the very raison d’etre of bighollywood is just absurd. andrew breitbart is a total fucking douchebag.
i think that bart p will pick up tv work again when CBS greenlights the 1/2 sitcom “kids get off my lawn” starring wilford grimley.
Yeah, and after they got a life-size chocolate Jesus and everything.
They didn’t like that because they thought Jesus’ pecker was too big.
So far I guess we haven’t seen a poo creche.
aka a “Jesus Steamer”
Btw, here’s the link to the Lady Shitmoat post at Balloon Juice.
Though, mind you, you couldn’t pay me enough to actually watch the vid.
Amy’s head is mostly in the same place throughout the vid: I figure it should be easy to make a really freakish animated GIF of her already very creepy face.
If you check his IMDB page you’ll notice that aside from a couple of shows for which he wrote 7 or 8 episodes, there are a lot of one-offs.
Maybe ageism and liberalism have less to do with his waning career options than suckism.
Haunted Clown Toilet of Angry Sad
brings back fond childhood memories of summer exhibition jaunts through the haunted house with the shaky floors and distorted mirrors.
You know it! It’s time that tee vee realizes it’s over, & they’d better start appealing to “Boomers,” ’cause no one under 40 is watching the tube, it’s nothing but niche-crap on their iPods for them. And “Boomers” are at that magical “GOML!” age!
Burt’s best work was as a hack for Jack Webb on “Dragnet 1967,” should anyone ask.
Does the “M.” stand for Melville? Or just Moby?
Are you comparing artists to whales?
So, I looked up on Wiki the funding for the NEA. The total: $144.7 million dollars. Now, $144.7 million dollars is a lot of money. But lets put it into perspective here. That’s about 10 hours in Iraq. Based on what the government spends on that and, say bullshit weapon systems that are designed to kill off the Russkies when they finally invade Alaska (thank God for Sarah Palin am I right?), or bullshit agricultural subsidies that keep ADM churning out that sweet sweet high fructose corn syrup… $144.7 million for a bunch of art, even if you think its bullshit art, ain’t that much money anymore. It’s just not.
And do I detect a hint of bitterness in the old man’s tone? Like, maybe the NEA turned him down a time or two?
Btw, here’s the link to the Lady Shitmoat post at Balloon Juice.
Cole’s commentariat have ruined my appreciation of The Doors:
C’mon baby, rotate my tire.
Try to get the lugs on tighter…
I have already phoned the bookstore and pre-booked my copy of “Amy Alkon and the Bloody Poo Crèche”.
I still say that site needs to become widely known as Big Hollywood Butthurt.
Yes. Yes, it does.
And they really are dusting off the Clinton-era tantrums, aren’t they? The NEA? Really?
You can try to distract from minutiae by referring to the meat of the argument but YOU WILL FAIL.
God that felt good.
Nothing hits the spot like a delicious snark salad with extra loon chunks, tossed with vintage wingnut vinaigrette. Gavin delivered in spades with this one. There really needs to be a snark entry in the bloggie awards.
And they really are dusting off the Clinton-era tantrums, aren’t they? The NEA? Really?
Oversight and the rule of law, Beaches!
(It’s gonna be 90s week for the next 4 years.)
Watch out, Bert Prelutsky. Renee Cox is gonna kick your ass!
What about public schools teaching drawing, painting, sculpture, encouraging those children who show talent, amusing those not so talented? Would that be allowed in this Old Poop’s world?
Are you comparing artists to whales?
A range of useful products can be extracted from whales.
Not until you mentioned it. So I went the extra mile, or maybe the less is more mile.
They make albums, too.
…a world in which Burt Prelutsky can kiss my buttsky…
Oops, wrong thread.
By the way, I was wondering if Michelle Malkin has anything to say about this. Surely she will be outraged.
My piss is as holy as anything else about me. FWIW, it tastes like lemonade.
Some people call me Maurice…
It’s McNeat!
Hey, LittlePig, are you still around? I posted a link for you in the last thread – if you’re checking in give me a shout & I’ll repost.
“Jesus, don’t piss in my mouth & tell me it’s raining lemonade.”
This can’t end well.
RB – oh, you said it. Here’s the link.
Beatnik making a giraffe? Cheap hooch and wild women?
Let me go out on a limb here and perhaps suggest Bert’s troubles getting a writing job has more to do with the fact that his knowledge of popular culture appears to have stopped about 50 years ago. I’m sure if anyone was planning a remake of The Many Lives of Dobie Gillis they’d give Bert a call.
Let me also point out that the whole point of getting grant money is avoiding having to drink cheap hooch.
The funny/sad thing is, he’s not that old. Well, at least he’s not as old as his old-coot shtick suggests. According to his IMDb profile, he was born in 1940.
Good lord, he’s older than Ben Shapiro and his old coot schtick.
mang, dis one tuff nut
Subtly Kept Err
Rely Butt Perks
Giving money to beatniks will provide a much-needed stimulus to the nation’s bongo manufacturing sector.
to the estimable robert green,
Yeah, but. You’re far more familiar with HoVille than I and I don’t doubt that there may be rampant ageism. But what you describe above isn’t ageism. You’re talking about the ability (talent, if I may) to craft material relevant to the market. As you point out, some old fux can do it.
If an artist can’t be self-sustaining in a capitalist country as large and as rich as America, he should get into another line of work
Sounds to me like hypocrisy, pure and simple. Now git the fuck offa my lawn, you young jackanapes.
Ceci n’est pas une pipe-dream.
Giving money to beatniks will provide a much-needed stimulus to the nation’s bongo manufacturing sector.
I live in Silver Lake in LA. I described it to my dad, who lives in South Florida, as “the part of town where all the hipsters live.”
When a recent round of wildfires were raging up in the Chatsworth area, my mom got concerned that I might be in danger. Dad told her, “I don’t think that’s where he lives– he’s in the part of town with all the beatniks.” How awesome would that be if Silver Lake was full of bongo-tapping, poetry-reciting, jazz-listening, goateed beatniks? Instead it’s mostly Prius-driving, NPR-listening thirtysomethings with toddlers in Velvet Underground t-shirts.
Poo is not a fluid.
Beatniks?
BEATNIKS?!
For fuck’s sake, just grab your fucking cane and shake it at the kids on the lawn, you fuckhole. Beatniks died out in the goddamn 50s, you may as well be lamenting the fall of malted milk and Herbert Hoover.
So…Bertie Petulantsky banged out a few scripts for MASH and the Mary Tyler Moore Show.
And Grampaw Simpson wrote for Itchy and Scratchy. Co-incidence?!? I think not!!!!
Poo is not a fluid.
It is if you cook it right.
Bertie’s next script is all about that hot new craze, the Jitterbug! 23 Skidoo!
Wait a minute. I lament that.
Wait a minute. I lament that.
Don’t lament the fall of poodle skirts – rather, try to make them rise.
I used to live on Effie (at Maltman) when the 99¢ Only Store was the Food House. Henry Rollins was the closest thing to a beatnik in the neighborhood.
A lot of “hipsters”/jerks w/ goatees, but few ‘niks.
I’m sure if anyone was planning a remake of The Many Lives of Dobie Gillis they’d give Bert a call.
Many Loves, not Lives. A great show, but a remake would require knowledge of what the kids today do. He would only be useful if they wanted to make more episodes of the original show.
We really have no way of knowing whether Bert’s poo is fluid or not.
We can ask him. He’d probably love to write about it. Perhaps he’d even enjoy writing with it.
Prior to the influx of the 30something “creative directors,” wasn’t Silver Lake known as the home of the angry leather bondage set? Back when I was working for RSA/USA and Smashbox, the place to go for backdrops for “edgy” photoshoots was always Silverlake; “Home of the Home Dungeon.”
BTW, I forgot who referenced the “rotating the tires” video above, thus sparking my curiosity to click thru to the source material, but whoever did it: I hate you now.
(chanting) “Never click thru to a link from S,N! Never, never never. Never click thru!”
I’ll bet he wrote that episode with all the hippies who got all stoned and left the baby in the bathtub.
Like stoned hippies would try to bathe the baby. They would give him a pipe cleaner giraffe and sit around laughing.
Dum, da dum dum.
Perhaps he’d even enjoy writing with it.
That will be in the remake of ‘Quills’, in which an irrepressible free-thinking conservative author is placed in a reëducation camp and subjected to increasingly punitive Liberal steps to suppress his literary output.
The leather people were in the “Swish Alps” through the early nineties, yeah.
I’ll bet he wrote that episode with all the hippies who got all stoned and left the baby in the bathtub.
“Marijuana is the Match, heroin is the fuse,LSD is the Bomb” ?
http://www.nea.gov/news/news04/AmericanMasterpieces1.html
That one must’ve slipped by them.
$139.4 million? Don’t we spend that much in, like, eight seconds in Iraq?
A wingnut reacts to a harmless and amusing video, completely missing its point.
Holy shit, Lesley! The angry stoopid righteous blindered sheeple of the right just don’t seem capable of learning. Dang, this is going to be a much better place after the rapture with all those shitheads gone.
No doubt the same wingnut reacted with fury about this headline.
Okay, how about a wellness program for wingnuts? Because they’re starting to worry me. I’m going to organize a donation and distribution of couch cushions, card tables, and blankets for them to make their own forts so they can hide and feel safe. Because, you know, when reality is too scary for me, and I think the closet might be full of zombies (or I suppose, in their case, socialists and Islamofascists) again, I like to hide in a couch cushion fort. Really, I think it could help them.
Hang in there, wingnuts. We’re coming to rescue you from the big scary world where people say and do things that make you think about things you think are icky.
Any Wingnut Wellness program will need to include a course in logical thinking.
latest comment on that youtube video
So what? Did he just write the dialogue for Frank Burns?
And where has that commenter gone to learn to think for himself, I wonder?
they’re coming out of the woodwork
He thinks George is Forrest Gump.
Sarah Palin has an album out:
The Sarah Palin Playlist</a.
Sadly, No! is teh funny! This goes for all the posts!
Gosh, I love you guys!
Okay, how about a wellness program for wingnuts?
Oh, they’re all fine as long as they don’t look down!
And when they do, they plummet.
It’s too bad Bush was never given the chance. The hatred so many people show him is one of the saddest things I have ever witnessed.
Tell it to the Dixie Chicks.
Why, I’m old enough to remember back when any discouraging word spoken against The Leader could get one branded a traitor.
What a time it was!
one lady looked for bruises on the child. they must be there!
This wingnut is my favourite of the bunch.
because every kid deserves a dumbass, not a mom.
Did he just write the dialogue for Frank Burns?
Him and Colonel Flagg.
Hm… Flagg and Burns – he’s some kind of crypto-DFH!
Sarah Palin has an album out:
The Sarah Palin Playlist.
Christamighty, that picture’s the scariest thing I’ve seen in I don’t know how long. Those blank, empty eyes, full of nothing but hunger for your soul.
As noted, the wingnut cadres seem to have undergone a time-warp to circa 1995 – nobody cares about the pittance the NEA gets outside their fetid basement compounds. Compare the total costs for the B-2 Stealth bomber for lulz aplenty: “the total program cost projected through 2004 was US$44.75 billion in 1997 dollars. This includes development, procurement, facilities, construction, and spare parts. The total program cost averaged US$2.13 billion per plane.”
Recall that these same pindicks were crowing a few years ago about how Iraq would pay for itself – now? Not so much.
If an army can’t be self-sustaining in an OPEC country as large and as rich as Iraq, it should get into another line of work.
No Magic Christian reference yet? Not much of a Bodily Fluids Wk. [Sniffs dismissively]
The Contract On America & Newt will be back at any moment.
Burt Prelutsky = Wet Fart.
JACK Prelutsky–now THERE is an artist! Google him.
JPrice Vincenz said,
January 23, 2009 at 1:19
Jesus fardling Christ, I nearly swallowed my tongue! That “Love Doctor” has bugger-all (sorry) knowledge of current terminology, as well as a voice that makes my teeth ache.
Didja notice in that NYT pic, that Obama is left-handed? Heh heh heh, we lefties are takin’ over the world, ya know.
And how long do you think it’ll be before some right wing nutcase notices, and starts howling that The Big O is some kinda commie?
Not counting the last 12 months, of course.
No Magic Christian reference yet? Not much of a Bodily Fluids Wk.
I dive in when I seen the large denomination bills.
Robert Green:
networks want shows written for a certain target audience and it is hard to stay culturally relevant
I get your point, but it sure sounds to me like the problem is with the product, not the producer. If an 80 year old guy can turn out the product they want and need, they’re not going to care that he’s 80 years old, as you already noted with Gelbart and Eastwood. And it’s a heck of a lot easier for an 80 year old writer to pass as 25 than for an 80 year old actor to do the same.
Righteous Bubba said,
January 23, 2009 at 2:33
So, I looked up on Wiki the funding for the NEA. The total: $144.7 million dollars.
You can try to distract from minutiae by referring to the meat of the argument but YOU WILL FAIL.
Righteous Bubba said,
January 23, 2009 at 2:34
God that felt good.
I smell a meme in development.
Well, I reject your reality and substitute my own!
Bertie’s next script is all about that hot new craze, the Jitterbug! 23 Skidoo!
I’m thinking he secretly wrote the “I’ve fawwwwwwwwwwwllen! And I can’t get up!” commercial.
Their art criticism is so 80’s: it’s all Piss Christ and Mapplethorpe with them. Almost sad watching wingers trying to bask in the faint glow of “Morning in America.”
Well, I reject your reality and substitute my own!
Coincidentally, I have that on a t-shirt.
Didja notice in that NYT pic, that Obama is left-handed?
The left hand is considered unclean in Muslim circles! Obama’s unrighteousness is sure to doom America as he offers an unclean hand to them during his talks with terrorists!
DOOM! TERROR! LEFTIST!
Must I draw a diagram?
Obama has also unmasked himself as a Shiva worshipper — having ‘Lord of the Dance’ as the inauguration music is the giveaway.
Well, I reject your reality and substitute my own!
Coincidentally, I have that on a t-shirt.
Ah, the Mythbusters 2006 couture collection.
BTW — is it just me, or is it impossible to read a Burt Prelutsky article without mentally inserting “well, I was wearing an onion in my belt, as was the custom at the time”
DAS:
He’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before he recognizes Mizzourah!
Too late for a Wingnut Wellness Plan. They need a Witless Protection Program.
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