Maha Maiestas
Posted on January 22nd, 2009 by Gavin M.
Item: The prescient and stalwart Barbara of Mahablog is going through some difficulty this month, such that it might be time to put away our years-long pizza feud and to see how we can help out.
If you have a couple bucks (or quarters, or indeed any greater or lesser denomination) rattling around the barrel, consider dropping them here to help support a top-notch blogger who’s been around since 2002, and who literally wrote the book — or at least collected the anthology — on liberal political blogging in the post-9/11, pre-Kerry era.
Fine, I’ll chip in. New Jersey pizza is false advertising. A misnomer. A foul stain upon the great Eyetalian coolinary tradition. Also, Mario Batali is really, really, fat.
If you think I’m going to send some leftist leech money so she can tear down our country, & then come here & brag about it in the comments, you might just be right.
New Jersey is the Creed of pizza.
Q: Where’s New Jersey University?
A: State College, PA and it’s called Penn State.
Q: Why the fuck do so many New Jersey kids pay one of the highest state-related university tuitions in the country to go to Penn State?
A: They can’t get decent pizza in Jersey.
I’ll say this for the pizza-makers of New Jersey: They’ve never tried to tell me that pineapple is an acceptable pizza ingredient. I’m sorry, Midwesterners — the pineapple is a noble fruit, but it has as much place on a pizza as raisins would in a hamburger.
“Raisin-Burger”
There’s a place on 6th Avenue and 22nd Street in NYC where I used to get awesome take-out pizza. (And this, after being spoiled by years in New Haven.)
As a disinterested observer, and a cook, I feel it my duty to reveal, here, for the first time, that while I reflexively disdained and, indeed, looked with horror upon a sentence such as this, with so many commas, and upon the very notion of pizza with pineapple, I tried it once, and it wasn’t bad. I “got it.” I never order it and don’t yearn for it, but it wasn’t the obscenity I thought it would be.
True story.
They’ve never tried to tell me that pineapple is an acceptable pizza ingredient.
Pineapple balances ham nicely. So there. You’ve probably never had cheese on apple pie or something.
WTF? Cheese and apple pie? That sounds awfully french if you know what I mean.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
And I think you do.
Warrant Officer Reforestationdod Laycgoo’s Permissive Lamb Dip
I didn’t have a name for this experiment so my boyfriend’s friend named it the Mother of All Turdstarters. It is. Make sure to get a big glass of milk.
Ingredients:
1 bunch lamb
1 vodka, rinsed
5 pints rainy Bryndza cheese, stolidly baked
2 cans fat crocodile shark whisker
7 pounds mustard
6 tablespoons basil
Sacrifice a nearby eel or a creature of similar size. Discard remains respectfully. Place the lamb into a medium saucepan. Use a food processor to stir the Bryndza cheese with the vodka. Stuff the resulting concoction into the lamb. Find some triple sec and drink it. Cluster the crocodile shark whisker, mustard, and the basil satisfactorily. Stomp everything together. Leave raw. Serves 10 allegorical enemies with hissing stomachs.
Pineapple harmonises with the natural sweetness of ham. Hence we give thanks for pork cooked in cider, figs wrapped in prosciutto, and bacon with bananas and maple syrup.
I’ve been to two weddings in NJ: one was Portuguese, basically working-class, and fantastic, the other was gaudy upscale North Joisey tacky in-laws awfulness. (Think: Tits On A Blintz’s next wedding.) In the latter one, I was not invited to the reception, and so my dear wife also chose not to attend in solidarity. We got pizza and a big bottle of wine from a little strip-mall place instead. It was a decent pizza. There was no fruit. Apart from in the wine.
Pineapple harmonises with the natural sweetness of
hamSPAM™.This is important to know under our new Hawai’ian overlord.
I’ve never had a pizza merchant suggest such to me except insofar as it’s offered as an option on their menu, not far from the anchovies.
A friend of many years did, however, and further convinced me to eat some of it. Being a vegetarian, he did not balance it with ham, but instead chose feta and jalapenos. I was skeptical, but hungry.
It was pretty damn good, even if those fucking pickled jalapenos tend to move through me at high speed.
If you’ve never had a Raisin Burger, you’ve clearly never been to Corner Bakery. I’m sure they’ve had one at some point.
And my freshman year roomie loved pineapple/jalapeno pizza, and was from Bombay, so suck it. Although I thought the pineapple pizza stereotype was flamboyant neon Californians? I thought that was why I liked it.
They’ve never tried to tell me that pineapple is an acceptable pizza ingredient
The only place I’ve ever seen that on a menu in NYC is the Sbarro’s in Times Square, which is like getting a double serving of tourism crap on a hero, hold the mustard.
ITTDGY….No John’s on Bleeker?