Shorter Brooks:

“Gloriosky, I sure hope that President Obama can unify the country behind all the discredited ideas my political leaders pay me to believe in, and also that he will finally end the dirty hippies’ reign of terror.”

I like how a man is given a national soapbox and six figures to get wrong what schoolchildren throughout America can get right more or less without effort.

By “like” I obviously mean “hate and fear”, but you know me.

Unfortunately, the more Obama talks about the post partisan politics of inclusion, the more the Brookses of the world will take him seriously. Obama needs to listen attentively to these people, and then, after they’ve walked away, sigh deeply, roll his eyes, and twirl his finger next to his ear.

Augh, David Brooks is pond scum. He doesn’t even venture forth into the Heartland, as he pretends to do: there was an effective debunking of that little bit of theater a few years back.

Not that it matters, these days.

Fuck you Brooks. End of ideology? Maybe when shitbags like you stop using phrases like:

Liberals championed the moral liberation of individuals.
Asshole. Seriously, show me one liberal outside of Sadly, No! regulars who are “champion”-ing the idea of moral liberation. Geez, you know who’s acts like they’ve been liberated from morals? Hint: they have to be packed and moved out by this afternoon.

Fuck You WordPress. I so did put a close tag in there after “…uals.” Quit making me look bad.

“WAAAAAH! Not in the face, not in the face! WAAAAAAH!”

Augh, David Brooks is pond scum. He doesn’t even venture forth into the Heartland, as he pretends to do: there was an effective debunking of that little bit of theater a few years back.

I’ve always liked the dead-butch routine petit-kulturkampfers like Brooks do, especially in light of how completely out of touch with anything normal people actually do. The joke woulda been on him imagining Obama fagging it up at the Applebee’s salad bar even if one happened to exist — I mean, it’s nice and all how in the Village queer is a function of vegetables, but as it turns out when most Americans think ‘queer’ they’re still thinking about whether or not they’re in the business of sucking dick.

I’m not saying we’re exactly out of the woods – there was a fucking Sex and the City movie – but any victory of oral sodomy and civilization over Boboland is fine by me.

Shorter David Brooks: But is America ready for a black president?

Shorter David Brooks: If Obama really means what he says about post-partisanship, he’ll torture a few towel heads on the National Mall today to make us fappers feel better about him.

Brooks is right: Obama should lead in a bi-partisan spirit. 2002 and 2004 provide wonderful templates for this sort of approach.

“Politics of Cohesion”

I’m rubber, you’re glue?

Is this a poll? Cuz if it is, I vote for number three as the best summation of Brooks’ near-Proustian length crying jag.

Fuck off, McBobo, your time is over.

Does anyone know how soon after inaguration do we get our gay Islamic re-education camp guard assignments?

I’m so glad that Bobo is all about ending this whole partisanship and ideology thing:

Republicans tended to win elections because liberals were associated with disorder and conservatives with attempts to restore it.

With apologies to our gracious hosts – Sadly, No!
Since Black Monday, Democrats have won 11 of 20 Presidential elections. 12 if you count by popular vote. This is because conservatives were assoicated with eating babies and sodomizing farm animals. But for balance, let me state that both political parties have some toxically gaseous assholes. Anyways, what were you saying again Bobo?

Politics wasn’t just about allocating resources. It was a contest over values, lifestyles and the status of your tribe. This venomous style dominated politics straight through the two baby boomer presidencies — of Clinton and Bush.

Well I think we’ll all agree that Georgie has done a heckuva job at being a uniter not a divider, but what was it about those Clinton years that made them so divisive?

Yeah, since there’s never been celebrities encouraging service to one’s country at any inauguration ever before, you betcha, gee golly

“Have a nice coronation day. I won’t be able to see any of it, and I am very pleased about that. This is a sad, ugly, and sickening day.”

Yes, we all hate democracy…

Alternative version: Man, I wish we hadn’t supported this notion of the Unitarded Executrix when our boy was in office!

I watched some of the we are one concert Mission Accomplished broadcast on tape yesterday. It was disgusting; pompous self-important celebrities Media chickenhawks solemnly intoning how wonderful the new Glorious Leader is, and how we all need to commit ourselves to him and his manly package

To which we all say… SUCK IT DOWN, TRUTHIE

And we all know it’s you again; Even now, even under a new false name, you can’t help but obsessive-compulsively use the same tired old cliches of “liberals”, and the same old incoherantly confused repetition of something you’ve heard your psycological bogeymen say (“Glorious Leader”) without understanding any of the context (no, people here really, truly don’t worship authority like you do. They are just glad to see the back of Bush.)

Today, Evil loses. And something not perfect, but nowhere near as Evil takes over. America get’s back some of it’s pride and soft power today. And it’ll be made all the sweeter by knowing that someone who has dedicated nearly a decade now to trolling different liberal blogs with nothing more than hate in his heart can’t face the day.

President

OBAMA

Bitches.

Twoof: Have a nice coronation day. I won’t be able to see any of it, and I am very pleased about that. This is a sad, ugly, and sickening day.

*****

Every day is sad and ugly and sickening, if you’re you, pal, and you have to look at yourself in the mirror.

I suppose you call yourself a patriot, Twoofie. You’re not a patriot; you’re everything that this country exists to refute: racist, reactionary, and incredibly stupid.

Why don’t you fuck off to South Africa and fight for the white cause, if you’re so disgusted?

Goddamn. I hope we can meet face to face someday, so I can break your fucking jaw. Asshole.

Twooth, are you in transit to Africa to fight for white power?

Fuck off, McBobo, your time is over.

Sadly, No! Hacks like him never go into retirement. He will be around for the next 30 to 40 years.

Right. The day you touch a nerve of mine is the day after I get a frontal fucking lobotomy.

If you’re so worried about the imminent threat of Obamislamofascism, why don’t you move elsewhere? Today would be a good day for that. Anything to relieve us of your purulent excretions.

And “liberals” worship authority and violence? Talk to your hero, Dick Cheney.

Coronation Day, methinks thou doth protest too much.

Oh, and bite me.

such as the need to “fix” social security

Gaah. Let me guess, teh ‘problem’ is that it’s solvent out to the fourty-year horizon?

Christ, the inauguration really pushed the pathetic piece of shit over the edge, didn’t it? I’m loving every second of this.

President of the United States Barack Hussein Obama.

Eat it, twoofie. Eat it with a spork.

Does anyone know how soon after inaguration do we get our gay Islamic re-education camp guard assignments?

Depends on what you put n your application form. Gay Abortion clinic recruitment starts at 9am tomorrow. For the gas Islamic re-education guards, meet down at the docks on Friday at 10am. Turn up early for the plum assignments.

oh, and Twoofy, fuck off.

Fuck off, loser.

I touched a nerve, didn’t I?

http://www.americablog.com/2009/01/2-hours-bitch.html

I’m lovin’ me some C-SPAN this morning.

Gay Abortion clinic recruitment starts at 9am tomorrow.

Oh hell yes! I’ll be there at 8:40 to secure a good place in line.

The only way masses will march to celebrate W’s visage is if it made an appearance, in person, dressed in orange.

And shackles. I’d love the shackles!

Actually Truthie, we do know who you are. You are a man who is so consumed with hate that on the day America elects it’s first ever Black President is spending all day lying on a website he despises (In transit aren’t you supposed to be?) in a desperate attempt to hurt people he’s never even met.

And seriously, didn’t I explain this to you last night; No Liberal on Sadly, No! is going to go to any of your links anymore, even if they don’t mouse over and see that it’s a link to another hate-piece at Big Hollywood. And even if they did, you insanely seem to think that they’ll then go “Ahah, I thought i thought one way, but my ideological opposites say I don’t, and now I realize the ultra-Republicans were right about me all along!”

Or is it just another way to impotently lash out again, hmmm?

No Truthie, we know who you are. And so will History. People will look back and say “Who could possibly have resisted so angrily this historic day when America finally started to repolish it’s city on the hill into something like shining again…?” And if by some chance they find an archive of Sadly, No! they’ll find …. you

Now off you go to try some script kiddy stuff like a DDoS attack against SN! or something. You know, really caring decent stuff like that.

I watched some of the we are one concert on tape yesterday. It was disgusting; pompous self-important celebrities solemnly intoning how wonderful the new Glorious Leader is, and how we all need to commit ourselves to him.

I think you watched a tape of the 2004 inauguration festivities. All I saw were actors speaking the words of former Presidents and singers singing songs about America and how great she is.

Except for Stevie Wonder. But he gets a pass because he’s blind. 😉

You are confusing contempt with rage.

I’d speak to my therapist if I was you. This is blatant projection on your part, Troofie.

From the video: “I pledge to be of service to Barack Obama“.

Funny.

I wonder where Troofie was in 2004 when people had to sign loyalty oaths to attend political rallies the Bushbots were holding?

I’m just loving this shit, trooling through the wingnut sites. LGF are just losing it. Chuckles kicks of his tread with a Will Sheakspear quote;

I have full cause of weeping; but this heart

Shall break into a hundred thousand flaws
Or ere I’ll weep. O fool, I shall go mad!

I cant be arsed looking it up, but I think he missed the point with the quote. It only takes about 50 post for the lizards to have mixed up the message;

Bongo bongo bongo I don’t wanna leave the congo oh no no no no no!
Bingo bango Bungo I’m so happy in the jungle I refuse to go!
Don’t want no mochas, yuppies, DC skylines, cheesy veneers!
So no matter how you coax me whoo! I’ll stay right here!

Stay classy, dickhead. I’m now popping over to Pammycakes & Ace, he he.

The worst part of seeing the back of Bush is that I have nothing to throw…

Here, try my shoes.

gbear: I am also glued to my beloved C-Span this a.m. How wonderful to not have to subject myself to the verbal gnawings of Tweety or Vulfie. What an awesome awesome day! I love the cameras showing blacks and whites excitedly hugging each other and smiling up a storm. No wonder His Trollishness is miserable today. He needs to crawl back out of the sunshine and under his rock before he completely shrivels up.

Ace is doing haiku’s…….

our long nightmare
of prosperity and peace
finally ending!

Oh dear, oh dear. How about:

Islamic abortion gays
will hunt down your bulbous ass
starting tomorrow

Here is how it will go down next week. First, the results from Virginia and North Carolina will come in, and they’ll be declared for McCain. You’ll be disappointed, but “no big deal, change can’t come overnight” will be your comment. Florida will go red, and a little nervousness will creep in. The usual suspects will fall into the usual categories. As the night drags on, Ohio, Colorado, and (much to your horror) Pennsylvania will be too close to call.

My advice at this point to you will be to go to bed. You will wake up to a McCain presidency and the Great Liberal Freakout will be on.

Bookmark this, liberals, as this is exactly how it is going to go down. You will be wonder how the hell I was able to call this.

Shorter Troofie:

I hate junglebunnies.

Lobbey,

Actually, picking a Lear (Act II, line 285) passage is pretty interesting, given Bush’s situation (only two daughters tho).

The quote is meant to show that Lear will never, ever cry, no matter how great the cause, because of the disfavor he now finds himself in. He is homeless, powerless, and bereft of love, and faces an invasion by France, and has no Cordelia to save his soul.

Sounds a lot like Bush, actually.

> I wonder where Troofie was in 2004 when people had to sign loyalty oaths to attend political rallies the Bushbots were holding?

He was supplying matches to the El Chimpo Loyalty Rally attendees for burning copies of the Constitution.

And, waiter, I’ll have a side of schadenfreude with my eggs, if you please.

Oh, hell, make it the whole damn entree.

I’m enjoying watching David Brooks (and the rest of conservativedom) reduced to impotent begging.

A wonderful day indeed!

Tick… tick… tick… can you hear that? It’s the march of history, the clock is moving on, and in just over an hour, Barack Hussein Obama will be President of the United States of America. President in a time of War. And do you know what that means? According to the warped logic of the Right, any criticism of the lawful, legal President of the United States during a time of war is Treason

How does it feel to know that within one short hour you’ll be self declared traitors eh Republicans, just like John Walker Lindh…?

Wolverines!!!!

OT, but….CHENEY IN A WHEELCHAIR!!!!

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Jesus, poor Obama has to ride to the inauguration platform with Chimpy.

Oh, man. Cheney in a wheelchair?

“Animals will be bred…AND SLAUGHTERED!”

Good times.

Tick… tick… tick… can you hear that? It’s the march of history, the clock is moving on, and in just over an hour, Barack Hussein Obama will be President of the United States of America.

At 12:01, I officially remove my “Bush’s Last Day” wristband.

Christ almighty…put a couple of fins on the new Presidential Limousine, and you’ve got the Batmobile.

How cool would it be if Barack was all, “see this red button?” and the Chimperor is all like, “this one?” and Barack says “press it!”…next thing you know, Chimpy’s been blown out of the ejector seat, and floating gently down, weeping and twitching, on his parachute over Arlington.

I have too much time on my hands.

How refreshing. This is the first inauguration since 12 years ago where the president-elect’s car isn’t being pelted with eggs.

At 12:01, I officially remove my “Bush’s Last Day” wristband.

Two Christmases ago an online friend sent me a Bush’s Last Day countdown desk clock. Been sitting on my desk ever since. This morning when I came downstairs I saw it had started flashing 0 DAYS.

Good times, good times.

This is the first inauguration since 12 years ago where the president-elect’s car isn’t being pelted with eggs.

Y’know, it’s funny. I was out of the coutnry last week, and realized, after watching BBC and Deutsche Welle and even some Peruvian and other South American television news, that the world is more excited about this inauguration than any other since Clinton in 1996.

As if they’re ready to forgive us for 2004.

As I type this, the one on my blog says “1 hour, zero minutes” 🙂

Cheney in a wheelchair?

If he’s attending the swearing-in, search it for explosives.

I’m fucking serious.

I am off to our local inauguration party, incl. champagne toasts. The next time I check out S,N!, we will have an islamofascist anti-American socialist Marxist reparation-loving President.

I can’t wait.

Cheney in a wheelchair? Bush I in a neck-brace and walking with a cane?! What’s next, Chimpy on crutches?!! What a day, what a day!

The next time I check out S,N!, we will have an islamofascist anti-American socialist Marxist reparation-loving President.

Shorter Repig:

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Silly silly liberals!

“Coronation Day” will be too busy fapping to “Shock & Awe” footage to sully his beautiful mind with your sad disgusting triumph of democracy!

Your treasonous failure to support the election-stealing, 9/11-enabling, torture-happy silver-spoon-baby who ran America into the dirt for 8 years & left you with a pointless war in Iraq & a crippled Constitution marks you as elitist violence-lovers out-of-touch with Teh Hartland & wedded to authoritarianism, you betcha!

Brooks is repeating himself; I think that he still hasn’t quite grasped what a “landslide” is in political terms.

Have a nice coronation day. I won’t be able to see any of it, and I am very pleased about that. This is a sad, ugly, and sickening day.

And we’re having a wonderful time with it. Go suffer in the corner.

Augh, David Brooks is pond scum.

You go too far with your cruel insult, madam: pond scum actually serves a purpose.

Ten minutes to go.

Shorter Brooksy:

I must justify my worthless, meaningless, piffling, nugatory existence and overblown pay packet somehow…but HOW?

Shorter Troofy/Coronation Turd in the Punchbowl/whatever the fuck it plans on calling itself next:

NiggerloversNIGGERLOVERSniggerloversNIGGERLOVERShateHATEhateHATEhateHATE…

Black black black black black black black black! Cock-a-doodle-Jew! Black black black black.

(Polly want Apartheid! Polly want Apartheid! Blaaankes!)

Black black black black.

Ace is doing haiku’s…….

our long nightmare
of prosperity and peace
finally ending!

I, um, wow. Did he just slip in from some alternate universe filled with ponies that poop ice cream?

In our world, Iraq
Afghanistan, recession…
Ending? We can hope.

Cal Thomas wrote the same column with the addition of “next time invite me to the dinner”.

No you didn’t; you are still in the same world, the one where Republicans constantly plagiarise other people… in this case, Ace is plagiarizing an Onion headline when Bush took office.

Back from the inauguration party. Quite a few tears were shed. There were lots of applause for the America loving Dems, and boos for the criminal America-hating repigs.

And on the way back, I converted a couple of Christians to Islam, and gave them orders to convert their entire church as well … at gunpoint; the NRA would approve.

Augh, David Brooks is pond scum. He doesn’t even venture forth into the Heartland, as he pretends to do: there was an effective debunking of that little bit of theater a few years back

David Brooks is to the heartland as Thomas Friedman is to the developing world. He has a single conversation with some lackey (bellhop, waiter, cab driver), extrapolates a whole lot of bullshit from this superficial, barely-understood conversation, then writes it down back in his “villager” bubble to the acclaim of the other villagers.

Republicans gone,
America’s sane again,
We can move on now.

Back from the inauguration party. Quite a few tears were shed. There were lots of applause for the America loving Dems, and boos for the criminal America-hating repigs.

And on the way back, I converted a couple of Christians to Islam, and gave them orders to convert their entire church as well … at gunpoint; the NRA would approve.

Was that you at Dillon’s?

I was the guy in the back, violating Purity Ballers.

I like to imagine that while Twoofie posts here, he finds that every moment now feels like someone gave him a Tabasco enema. And he will feel that pain everyday for the next eight years.

Brandi,

I think what confused him when he posts here is he feels the pain OUTSIDE his rectum.

It’s called a spnaking, Troofie.

And I’m not watching because I’ll be in transit, though in fairness I probably wouldn’t have anyway.

Holy crap! The constant whining, lying, victimhood, poor grammar… Tw00fy was Dubya all along!

Liberals are “vicious authoritarians”? Projecting much, Troofie?

And remember — they call him PRESIDENT Obama!

That haiku from Ace is also an 8-year old Onion headline.

Liberals are “vicious authoritarians”?

No, liberals are “viscous author-librarians”….

Shorter GOP:
“Why am I hitting myself?
Stop hitting myself!”

ps:

Just because there are
seventeen syllables does-
n’t make it haiku.

2nd bullet point: great distillation of Brooks’ intentionally obfuscating style. Complete with smugly smart-sounding, soothing cadence. Well done.

In our time of reconciliation, I must admit: God, I hate that guy.

next thing you know, Chimpy’s been blown out of the ejector seat, and floating gently down, weeping and twitching, on his parachute over Arlington.

In an effort to cut federal spending, parachutes have been eliminated from the presidential limo’s ejector seat.

Hi, I’m from the future! Sadly, Barry takes Bobo’s advice to heart, although recently in my timeline he does appear to have grown some rudimentary, possibly vestigial balls. Bobo, predictably, sobbed his eyes out about it. The great big PRICK.