America’s Shittiest Advertisement™
Wingnut websites have always been a fertile field for advertisers who want to prey on the particularly idiotic. World Net Daily is a veritable cornucopia of ads for get-rich-quick schemes or how to get-buff-fast without weights, diets or exercise. This, of course, is why we can deduce that most wingnuts are fat and poor and live in basements on diets of pizza slices, Cheetos with onion dip, Ho Ho cakes, and 72 oz. Slurpees.
I think, however, that this ad from America’s Shittiest Website™ really has to take the Ho Ho cakes, the Twinkies and the Zagnut bar:
Here’s where clicking the ad will take you. And, quelle surprise, there’s not a thing about free money for Republicans, just a tout to give information about various grant programs, none of which involve giving money to Republicans just because they are Republicans. This is not to say that the Bush administration hasn’t given money to cronies for precisely that reason, but no one who clicks through these links is going to get any of that money, and certainly not after next Tuesday.
Instead, the folks at America’s Shittiest Website™, after a 6-month fundraiser that netted them $12 or so from their income-challenged readers, are trying to keep their free market boat afloat by selling advertisers the right to scam their gullible readers with come-ons that promise government giveaways. Hey yokel! Are you Republican? The Federal Government will give you money just because you’re a patriotic Republican! For free!! No need to pay it back. Go buy yourself that 70″ plasma that you’ve been drooling over! With government money. No, it’s not welfare, because you earned it just by being Republican!
In fairness, I suppose, to Jonah the Whale, K-L(odious), Victoribus Davisopolous Thermopylae Hansenarides, the Ass Derby(shire) and the others at ASW™, they’ve all been on wingnut welfare for so long that maybe they actually believe that there are special grants to help trailer-park and basement dwelling Republicans pay for their snack food habits and dial-up connections.
Well, there should be.
It’s not easy staying afloat when you are an ambulatory bolus of hatred and fuzzy thinking.
Not a Monster.com search term, if you know what I mean.
Mind Warriors, Mr. Tintin!
They are fighting for Freedom™!
The best part of that website is if you scroll down the page to “IS THIS FOR REAL OR A REAL SCAM…” and then get three paragraphs of bullshit that don’t actually say yes or no.
Wait I thought receiving government handouts was bad. Shouldn’t the readers be pulling themselves up by their own bootstraps instead of stealing from my taxes?
I see the public school systems are addressing their arts funding need by taking freelance web ad design jobs and sourcing them to the kindergartners. Good for them. Blue text on a red background is oh so pleasing to the eye.
At the bottom of the page…
MINORITES AND OTHER SPECIAL GROUPS. . .
Minorites? I know what minors are, but minorites?
Minorites? I know what minors are, but minorites?
small children falling from the sky???
I made $10K a week just by stuffing Republican envelopes at home.
Don’t forget the Floor Humping Guy.
I thought that government giving away free money to people was something Republicans think is bad!
Or is it bad only if it goes to poor kids?
Seriously, I want to protest the class-biased cheapshot about trailer parks. Not all of us out here are yuppies in condos; for some of us, trailer parks are the only affordable housing.
Bigoted nonsense like that is one reason some working-class Americans don’t vote for Democrats: because somehow some of us lost track of the idea that poor whites aren’t all ignorant crackers, and decided that taking potshots at rednecks wasn’t prejudiced the way Republicans are when they take cheap shots at, well, the entire human race.
“Getting stuff for free” is good when I get it. “Getting stuff for free” is really, really bad and is bordering on socialism when someone who I don’t like is getting it.
I wish that were a really successful attempt at humor on my part, but it isn’t. I am convinced that is how many wingers think. When they get assistance, it’s perfectly reasonable. But they have some congenital lack of imagination or empathy that would allow themselves to imagine someone else in the very same position. Especially someone who they dislike already, such as non-white people, unmarried mothers, people without health insurance, gays and lesbians, Democrats, anti-war demonstrators, MADD, DFH’s, artists, atheists, newspaper writers, people who actually believe in science, the list goes on and on….
They pretend that it’s a rebate on their putative taxes, and then it’s all good.
I’m really surprised they haven’t got any ads for the ol’ wang enlargement pills; surely that’s their demographic down to a tee? Missed a trick there, WND!
Also, the ad at the top of the page shrieks in huge bold type: “CLICK HERE TO SEE HOW YOU CAN FLUSH 5-15 POUNDS OF UNDIGESTED WASTE FROM YOUR COLON!”
Presented without comment. I don’t have the snark-fu to do it justice.
Especially someone who they dislike already, such as non-white people, unmarried mothers, people without health insurance, gays and lesbians, Democrats, anti-war demonstrators, MADD, DFH’s, artists, atheists, newspaper writers, people who actually believe in science, the list goes on and on…
It’s easier if you just say “Americans”. It’s a net that catches far more fish than it lets free, if you see what I mean.
Oh you are such liars!
No one said there was free $ for republicans.
Can’t you see that Question mark?
Why do libruls hate america?
Woodrowfan – Snap! ROTFL.
Wait I thought receiving government handouts was bad.
It is, but Republicans have this odd idea that things, even morally repugnant things, are OK to do if their enemies do them. Like, for instance, torture.
Nothing says “self-reliance” quite like suckholing for grant-money that never has to be repayed – just like nothing says “free enterprise” quite like sucking it from your government.
The magical aura generated by their Cranio-Rectal-Interface Shield protects them from the discomforts of cognitive dissonance, indefinitely … alakazam & assbracadabra!
an ambulatory bolus of hatred and fuzzy thinking
Clearly you are acquainted with Mehitabel the Abyssinian.
“Orange Mike” Lowrey said,
January 15, 2009 at 17:29
Seriously, I want to protest the class-biased cheapshot about trailer parks. Not all of us out here are yuppies in condos; for some of us, trailer parks are the only affordable housing.
Bigoted nonsense like that is one reason some working-class Americans don’t vote for Democrats: because somehow some of us lost track of the idea that poor whites aren’t all ignorant crackers, and decided that taking potshots at rednecks wasn’t prejudiced the way Republicans are when they take cheap shots at, well, the entire human race.
As a trailer-dwelling uber-leftist, I encourage Orange Mike to learn to take a joke. If you read the whole post and that’s what you came away with, you’re straining your outrage muscles a little too hard.
Minorites? I know what minors are, but minorites?
According to the Great Gazoogle, a minorite is a Franciscan monk.
Are there any ads over there for x-ray specs? I’d really like a pair of those.
OneMadClown, do read the last sentence of OML’s comment. I think he’s kidding.
I figured it would be a link to a job application for NRO Online.
http://www.cqpolitics.com/wmspage.cfm?docID=news-000003010658
too good to pass up…
Bush’s Empty Bottle said, “too good to pass up…”
That was great. I’d like to draw some more parallels. Both Lincoln and Bush were big defenders of state’s rights, both were pacifists thrown into conflict — not choosing war, but war chose them. Both came from modest backgrounds and worked hard to get where they did. Both men gained notoriety due to their performance in public debates. Indeed, if it wasn’t for Bush’s grand oratory, would anyone have known who he was?
Seriously, though. Wasn’t Regan’s state’s rights speech largely seen as the end of Lincoln-style Republicanism? I mean, there was jack-assery before, but that’s as good of a dividing line as any.
I saw one ad at something I stumbled into leaving Redstate that offered “Earn $$$ for jacking off” ….it didn’t appear to be a sperm bank, looked more like a biological supply house.
*gasp*
Wow, I followed that link. No wonder George Bush resonated so strongly with some people. Blaming others first comes naturally for some people, doesn’t it.
Maybe Bob Owen can finally get his new BBQ.
Lower the Duck. Play, Don. Checky Gilchrist wins thirty five dollars!
gosh, late to the party. but, isn’t Thermopylae hansenarides a type of bowel parasite?
Wasn’t there a guy, 4 or 5 years ago, who did a bunch of TV infomercials and ads about how you could get free money from the government and he’d tell you all about it in his $19.95 book? He was this goofy geeky-professor type, wore a funky jacket with question marks all over it like he was The Riddler. I think he went to jail or something…anyway, this reminded me of him.