The Rant Comes Through in the Clutch
August is a traditionally slow month for wingnuttery, as most of Washington is on vacation and there just isn’t that much to write about. Even the normally reliable Renew America has run out of gas, wasting its energy fuming about rogue jurors in the Jacko trial and sodomy-enabling coffee cups.
Well thankfully for us, The Rant has stepped up to the plate and cracked a pinch-hit homer with this column by Greg Lewis. Eschewing the avant-garde surrealist wingnuttery popularized by Kaye Grogan and Pastor Swank, Greg concocts an old-fashioned crackpot stew with a skillful blend of ignorance, crappy writing, and all-around stupidity. Take it away, Greg!
How Democrats Marginalize Their Constituencies
USA/Greg Lewis
Democrats continue to claim to be the party of “the people,” but where the rubber meets the road, Democrats routinely fail to deliver. Among the “people” Democrats would claim to represent are, to give you one example, regular Americans, folks who grew up listening to the music of the Southern rock band Lynyrd Skynyrd and who understand that they are not the ignorant, racist rednecks the liberal media and Neil Young portray them to be.
So the reason Democrats can’t connect with regular folks is because they aren’t loudly condemning a Neil Young song that came out over 35 years ago. Makes sense to me.
Rather, they’re folks who choose to make their political decisions on a case-by-case basis.
“Your skin happens to be black? OK, brother, what’s your story? What life experiences do you and I share that make us brothers under the skin? ‘Cause I don’t give a fat rat’s ass where or how you grew up.”
“Yes, I want to know about all your life experiences even though I don’t give a fat rat’s ass about any of ’em. That doesn’t make sense, you say? Well, I don’t reckon it does. No wonder I can’t get my writing published anywhere except The Rant!”
“If you grew up poorer than me, well, then, God bless you, bro’, ’cause I grew up dirt poor, bet to it. And I’m happy to make your acquaintance since you seem to be after pretty much the same things I’m after in this life and since you seem to share pretty much the same values I hold.”
“Homeboy, you and I got lots in common, even though I don’t know one goddamn thing about you. In fact, you probably think I’m some escaped mental patient who’s gonna spend the next three hours boring you with my crackpot theories on time travel. Though now that you mention it, I’ve been building a flux capacitator in my basement for the last coupla weeks…”
“You damn well bet I’ve got a wife . . . and two kids to boot.”
“How did we go from talking about shared values to talking about my kids within the span of two sentences? Beats me! Let’s see if slugging this bottle of scotch can help me make sense of it.”
You, too? How old are your kids, brother? I got a girl seven and a boy four. No-o-o-o . . . that’s not possible.”
Uhm, Greg? What’s not possible? That he has two kids?
OK, let me break this down for you nice and easy, because you obviously never learned about it in abstinence class: When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they come together and…
“Well, then, what school does your seven-year-old go to? You got to be kidding me! Let me buy you a beer, brother. We’ve got a hell of a lot to talk about, you and me.”
Yeah, Greg, I’m sure your new friend has plenty of questions for you too. Namely:
1.) “Who the hell are you and why do you keep calling me ‘bro’?'”
2.) “Would you please take your hand off my knee?”
3.) “Is that a mickey you’re putting in my drink?”
4.) “I’m gonna call the cops if you don’t stop hiding in the bushes outside my house, OK?”
By politicizing and generalizing issues that are better dealt with by real people in the course of their everyday lives, by categorizing real people without bothering to get to know them or take the trouble to understand on a personal level the real issues they are concerned with, Democrats have managed to distance themselves from many of the very constituencies they claim to represent.
Because if there’s one person who enjoys hobnobbing with the little people, it’s George W. Bush:
Next, Greg tells us that we should listen to more Lynyrd Skynrd so we’ll stop stereotyping Southerners as rednecks who listen to Lynyrd Skynyrd:
The Lynyrd Skynyrd reference was not chosen randomly.
You mean you deliberately chose Lynyrd Skynard as a group that symbolized Southern pride? The same band that was famous for flying Confederate flags at its concerts? You dog! I’d never have guessed!
You might be aware that the group created, as I have often argued, the best rock song ever recorded in “Sweet Home Alabama” for their 1974 album “Second Helping.”
OK, I like “Sweet Home Alabama,” I really do. But “the best rock song ever recorded?” Better than “Satisfaction?” “Smells Like Teen Spirit?” “Stairway to Heaven?” Heck, even a little ditty called “Free Bird” is more deserving…
Among the political/cultural stands they took with that song is that they found fault with the portrayal of their fellow southerners by Neil Young in his song “Southern Man,” which depicted them categorically as racist, illiberal, and (by extension) closed-minded.
Well, I agree that Southerners aren’t categorically racist or closed-minded. But do you really think Lynyrd Skynyrd are the best examples of open-minded Southerners? I mean, take a look at some of their merchandise:
Now, imagine you wore that shirt into the bar where you met your new imaginary friend:
“Hey brother, what’s up? What’s that on my shirt, you ask? Well it’s a Confederate flag. I know a lotta liberals say it’s a symbol of racism, but it’s really a symbol of Southern pride and heritage. And what’s that heritage, you ask? Well, over 150 years ago, my ancestors fought a war of separation in order to keep your ancestors ensla… uhm, on second thought, let’s not talk about Southern heritage anymore. Can I buy you another beer?”
Yeah, it’s not a pretty sight. Anyway, back to Greg’s column:
My take is that with their signature song Lynyrd Skynyrd stood up, not only for “southern” Americans, but for all Americans who share a common set of positive fundamental values and who resist the denial of their humanity that being treated by liberals as members of a political category implies.
That sentence makes absolutely no sense. I think he’s saying that all Americans share a positive set of valuable fundamentals and they don’t deserve to be put into political categories. Unless they’re liberals, in which case, SCREW THEM.
Bottom line: This quintessential Southern rock group had the unmitigated gall to take issue with Neil Young’s characterization of them and their fellow southerners as cross-burning, bullwhip-wielding bigots. Lynyrd Skynyrd’s unpardonable sin ? as liberal-leftists would have it ? consisted of saying, in “Sweet Home Alabama,” the following: “Well, I hope Neil Young will remember, Southern Man don’t need him around, anyhow.”
Because it’s not like Neil Young ever did anything to help people living in rural America. Nope. Never.
Which extrapolates to the following: Yo, liberal, come back when you have something to say to me that I can relate to. Come back when you’ve finally arrived at the realization that I’m not necessarily a redneck who drives a pickup truck with a gun rack in the rear window, and even if I am, what the hell difference does it make to you? Who died and made you king of how things ought to be? If you can’t put aside your high-falutin’ liberal stereotypes and talk one-on-one with me about the real concerns both of us have, well, then, how do you expect to convince me I should vote for your candidate in the next election?
Yes, that’s the problem with latte-drinking, Saab-driving big city liberals: they’re always stereotyping everyone.
“Sodomy-enabling coffee cups.” Nice phrase.
Still, a bit of a letdown there at the actual site. I was expecting to see a Mocha and Santorum Frappachino or something.
“You damn well bet I’ve got a wife . . . and two kids to boot.”
Why does this strike me as unfortunate phrasing in an anthem to rural pride?
“Your skin happens to be black? OK, brother, what’s your story? What life experiences do you and I share that make us brothers under the skin? ‘Cause I don’t give a fat rat’s ass where or how you grew up.”
In other words, “I don’t give a fat rat’s ass about anything but the color of your skin.”
Yes, that’s the problem with latte-drinking, Saab-driving big city liberals: they’re always stereotyping people.
…My Saab ‘enthusiasm’ has nothing to do with my glee at stereotyping people.
“high-falutin'”
Nope, not stereotyping. Not at all. Just watching his Yosemite Sam cartoons and taking careful notes.
Nope, not stereotyping. Not at all. Just watching his Yosemite Sam cartoons and taking careful notes.
Hee-hee… y’all are funny, have I mentioned that?
FREE BIRD! (lighter held aloft)
I prefer Warren Zevon’s take on the southern lifestyle:
Daddy’s doing Sister Sally
Grandma’s dying of cancer now
The cattle all have brucellosis
We’ll get through somehow
Sweet Home Alabama
Play that dead band’s song
Turn those speakers up full blast
Play it all night long
It sounds like Greg found a copy of the classified Big Book of Pickup Lines for Gay Liberals. Most of the quotes come from Chapter 11 – Advanced Pickup lines: Getting the Straight, Black Conservative.
tg- Warren Zevon was freaking genius. RIP, o Headless Thompson Gunner in the Sky…
Most of the quotes come from Chapter 11 – Advanced Pickup lines: Getting the Straight, Black Conservative.
Right on, bro’!
Sounds to me like newcomer Greg Lewis should open a dialogue with Ben Shapiro on the subject of misconceptions about rural life. Although Little Ben belongs to the Republican Party, the party of the people (the little people, the Real People, the backbone of America, etc.), he too had a bad attitude toward the rural parts of this nation (such as, notably, Oklahoma City). Doesn’t that make him as stupid and intolerant as us liberals? Or will Greg Lewis come to realize through Ben’s virgin eyes that, hey, Republicans and Democrats, they’re not so different after all?
P.S. Why does Greg Lewis swear so much? Is this the way he thinks country folk talk? He apparently knows no adjective or adverb other than “damn.” And he says “hell” a lot, too. Just the kind of foul language we can expect from the he-man lady-haters of the right wing, I suppose. At least he could have the courtesy to consider the distaff side when writing his thought-provoking columns.
BREAKING — MUST CREDIT ANDREW A. GILL!
Rumors are coming in that Greg Lewis attempted the discussion above last Saturday. Doctors report that Greg’s new teeth will resemble his old teeth… to some degree.
…developing…
Rumors are coming in that Greg Lewis attempted the discussion above last Saturday. Doctors report that Greg’s new teeth will resemble his old teeth… to some degree.
…developing…
Yeah, he thought he’d be in the clear by asking the guy how he like the new Fiddy album, but I guess not…
Most of the quotes come from Chapter 11 – Advanced Pickup lines: Getting the Straight, Black Conservative.You sure he’s not referring to Chapter 11 of the U.S. Bankruptcy Code… ‘cos most of these wingnuts are mentally bankrupt anyway.
Digging up the Lynyrd Skynryd/Neil Young dust up of thirty years ago perhaps suggests that the right-wing grievance cabal is finally running out of ways to portray liberals as sissy snobs and conservatives as straight-talkin’, truck-drivin’ Real Men. What’s next? Pointing out how mean Jim J. Bullock was on “Hollywood Squares”? A polemic on how all the anti-hunting, animal-rights types have kept Ted Nugent out of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? McCarthyite smears of every film critic who leaves “Rocky 4” off their list of the 100 greatest movies of all time?
And isn’t Neil Young some sort of Canadian anyway?
A polemic on how all the anti-hunting, animal-rights types have kept Ted Nugent out of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?
That’s funny- I thought they kept him out because he sucked.
I demand Yosef step forward and admit this entire column is a parody he constructed while on a weekend cranberry vodka bender.
…I thought they kept him out because he sucked…
The Nuge? Sucking? Bite your tongue, you barely-American, Indigo-Girls-brainwashed, Volvo-coveting, woodland-creature coddler! Honestly, though, sucking doesn’t seem to be much of a factor when it comes to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Queen is in there, after all…
My god, what an embarrassment. Not only does he stereotype liberals and Democrats, but he seems to be implying that there are no racist southerners. As if it’s all just some big misunderstanding, which stems from liberal minorities stereotyping southerners, and thus not talking to them. Which is to say that the minorities have brought this bad treatment upon themselves. And as a longtime Texan, I can attest to the fact that there are indeed racists down here, though I’d never suggest that they are a majority at all. And I don’t think of Texas as being the worst at all.
And to clear things up, I’ve read in an interview that Lynard Skynard were big Neil Young fans, and that there was no feud between them. Beyond that, both “Southern Man” and “Alabama” are better than “Sweet Home Alabama”. I like all three songs, but Neil Young is waaay better.
You know, conservatoves may want to chose a better exemplar than Lynard Skynard. “Saturday Night Special” is one of the clearest and strongest calls for banning handguns that I’ve ever heard.
You outside agitators always make trouble when a bro wants to hang with his bro who just happens to be black. Why I remember when that Billie Holliday sang that obnoxious song about strange fruit, just about ruined “Swanee” for me.
Anyone ever here the Drive by Truckers Song ‘Ronnie and Neil’ from Southern Rock Opera about how those guys actually were friends?
And isn’t Neil Young some sort of Canadian anyway?
Not “some sort of Canadian”. Neil Young is Canadian.
Yosef is a totally “can I get a Cape Codder, and a pack of Mentos please?” as he jaunts to Nantucket with his sweater tied around his neck and frickin’ loafers on.
Nugent rools. His anthem “Fred Bear” is an amazing song about a bear named, as chance would have it, Fred. The sight of Ted, in loincloth and cowboy hat, shooting stuff like helicopters with dynamite tipped arrows, wow.
The fact that he calls Lynyrd Skynyrd the “quintessential Southern rock band” tells me the guy is an idiot. Hey Einstein, ever heard of The Allman Brothers Band? And “Sweet Home Alabama” is the “the best rock song ever recorded”? Um, ever listen to “Abbey Road”? How about “Highway 61 Revisited” or “Exile On Main Street”? I guess the guy’s not into The Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, and a slew of other bands (in addition to the Allman Bros.), not to mention Neil Young. Moron. The guy is a moron. And listens to crappy music.
The Confederate flag, being a symbol of treason, may not be the sort of thing ultra-patriotic people want to call attention to.
It is curious how the ‘heart of America’ is the people who glorify a secessionist movement.
According to some Lynard Skynard fans, “Sweet Home Alabama” was not meant to be the anti-Neil Young song it is often portrayed to be. The original band were big Jimmy Carter fans and redneck liberals.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=2438446&mesg_id=2438628
Skynard had many many better songs than Sweet Home Alabama. Greg should buy one of their CDs and listen to it. Sweet Home Alabama was written in response to Neil Young’s “Southern Man”, but more as a joke than a pissed off rebuttal.
The Motor City Madman is frickin’ awesome. I met him a couple of years ago. And he has some great recipes in his cookbook “Kill it and Grill It.”
And I don’t drink Cape Cods. I stick to the Sea Breeze.
Now, I’ve been wrong before, but isn’t Greg Lewis from New York? Where exactly has he had the opportunity to sit down with a good ol’ boy to talk politics?
Incidentally, down here in Atlanta, the above conversation will get you either a “tell me more, sailor” or a “you some kind of faggot, boy?” depending on what part of town you’re in.
I wish people would realize that not all Southerners are rednecks, and not all rednecks are Southerners.
That Drive-By Truckers song you mentioned is good, but their song “The Three Great Alabama Icons” is even better, and it tells the story that this wingnut is trying to tell without resorting to batshit crazy ranting, a frightening obsession with libruls, and the overuse of “brother” when referring to black men.
Well, Anne, you heard him yourself: he doesn’t give a fat rat’s ass where or how we grew up. Apparently, to people like him, we all look the same.
Yosef is a totally “can I get a Cape Codder, and a pack of Mentos please?” as he jaunts to Nantucket with his sweater tied around his neck and frickin’ loafers on.
ROFL
I may be a good-ole’ Texas gal, but I’ve seen more than my share of those Yosef-types. Most of them, however, are (with apologies to Yosef) wingnuts trying to cover their rednecks.
Y’all have a good evening, now, ya hear!
ACG: Incidentally, down here in Atlanta, the above conversation will get you either a “tell me more, sailor” or a “you some kind of faggot, boy?” depending on what part of town you’re in.
I just saw something in the last few days which said that Hotlanta is THE place in the U.S. for black gays. Sounds like the place for our boy Mr. Lewis to test his theories, no?
Come back when you’ve finally arrived at the realization that I’m not necessarily a redneck who drives a pickup truck with a gun rack in the rear window, and even if I am, what the hell difference does it make to you? Who died and made you king of how things ought to be?
Greg actually suggested this as the new greeting for drive-through customers with Northern license plates, but they decided to stick with “Welcome to McDonald’s, may I take your order?”
Oh, FTLOG, the thing is, I believe a lot of people here must have me confused with someone else. I don’t even know where Nantucket is (although I did hear a poem about it once.)
“You damn well bet I’ve got a wife . . . and two kids to boot.”
What question was this a response to? “So, do you have a wife?” That’s a pickup line, sailor. “You know, you look like a man who has a wife.” That’s not really a question, and it’s not really something that people say. “Why are you staring and talking at me, sir? I’m just trying to watch the game.” That seems much more likely…
Vote for your favorite deserving but overlooked artists (like Ted Nugent and Lynyrd Skynyrd) into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame at the above URL or here is a another link:
http://supergroup.netfirms.com/rockrollhallfame.htm
The top 20 vote-getters at this point are:
1. Joan Jett
2. Van Halen
3. Rush
4. Black Sabbath
5. Doobie Brothers
6. Lynyrd Skynyrd
7. Dire Straits
8. Def Leppard
9. Yes
10. Peter Gabriel (solo)
11. Chicago
12. Heart
13. Genesis
14. Alice Cooper
15. John Mellencamp
16. Deep Purple
17. Pat Benatar
18. Blondie
19. Journey
20. Pete Townshend (solo)