What’s after death?

Whatever that is, it’s the condition in which irony finds itself now that Kaye Grogan has written a column titled We no speak English:

Have you ever wondered why English is not the official language in America? After 200 plus years of English being the predominantly spoken language ? what else would the native tongue be? And the last time I read the U.S. Constitution it was written in English.

For gosh sakes! …me no speak Spanish either ? so we’re even!

Me write wingnutty one day. Sadly for Kaye, the only thing worse than her grasp of English is her grasp of economics:

And I have come to the conclusion we need accountants in Washington D.C. ? not lawyers. How far do you think housewives or big companies would get balancing their checkbooks ? if they operated in the red to the tune of trillions of dollars annually?

Right, trillions annually.

Alex Trebek: Keanu Reeves, you look rather pleased. Let’s see what you wrote down: [ a blank screen is revealed ] Nothing. The question was write anything, and you got it wrong. I’m speechless. Let’s see what you wagered: Eleventy billion dollars. That’s not even a real number.

Keanu Reeves: Yet.


Comments: 18


Someone has obviously photoshopped her picture! “She” should … sue!


Upon reading the linked exercise in illiteracy, I was terrified to learn that Kaye “has many published poems”. Could this be where Douglas Adams got his idea for “Vogon poetry”? And where does Marie Jon’ stand on this issue?


I was terrified to learn that Kaye “has many published poems”.

So were we!


Zowie but that’s some bad poetry. I’ve read grocery lists that scan better. Still, I’m shocked (shocked!) that Dr. BLT hasn’t put this little gem to music.


Vogon poetry has got nothing on sweet sweet Kaye.


We all know that Puerto Rico and Mexico are both dirt poor countries

Really, Kaye? We do?

But even knowing this leaves so many important questions unanswered…..like does the country of Puerto Rico face the tragedy of halitosis to the same degree as does the country of Kentucky? Or what is to be done about the educational crisis in the country of Wingnutistan?

When will Kaye turn her profound thoughts to these burning issues of our day?


“Don’t ever underestimate the wild hairs of Republicans ? those hairs will stick up, when you least expect them to appear.” Country wisdom at its finest!


OK, both Alex Trebek and Keanu Reeves were born in Canada.

I’m scared.


how the fuck did you find that SNL transcript? i’m so proud to read you.


…I am convinced the time for straitjackets for many has come and gone.

Too easy?


We all know that Puerto Rico and Mexico are both dirt poor countries ? and it looks like America is in line to become poor too, if we continue down this destructive pathway of giving all of our resources and money away. Just who is going to benefit most with politicians wooing Puerto Rican voters?

Ahh, nothing like a little concentrated racism to get the blood flowing!

Americans should not have to fight for their inalienable rights over and over again, considering these rights are written in stone.

Huh. That’s odd. I coulda sworn that the Constitution was written on paper. Silly me.

In the meantime ? we’re heading to a modern day “Tower of Babel.”

?Qu?? “no entiendo.”


I guess she missed the part where it was GOD’S WILL that we all speak a bunch of different languages.


But don’t you think she got this part right?
I think sometimes we would be better off if we didn’t understand English, because the words to describe how our government has let us down politically, morally, and financially ? cut to the core and fiber of our souls.


Aren’t Puerto Ricans American citizens? Aren’t they Americans?


James, Puerto Ricans have been American citizens since the Jones Act passed in 1917. Because of its Commenweath status they don’t get to vote for President or get voting rights in Congress, but they also don’t pay US income tax. But if they move to one of the 50 states and become a resident they vote like everyone else.


“…me no speak Spanish either…”

Is she butchering a quote from “Romancing the Stone”?


Instead of spending all your time criticizing other people’s work, why don’t you try to do some creative work of your own? If you think this is poor poetry, try to come up with something better. Then, try to get it published. It’s easy to stand back and make sarcastic remarks if you don’t have any creative inspiration of your own. As for putting a melody to this “gem,” I really don’t need to. It is complete as it is, and besides, I have my plenty of my own lyrics to put music to. This whole discussion only goes to show that just because you don’t throw your pearls (or, in this case, “gems”) to the swine doesn’t mean that the swine won’t find them. I’m not suggesting that you self-proclaimed art/music critics are swine, only that you are acting like swine. Isn’t it time to elevate your level of dialogue?


why don’t you try to do some creative work of your own?Mostly because we’re afraid we’ll turn out total crap like the garbage on your site.


(comments are closed)