Just Say Nyet To Global Warming Science (UPDATED)
Hey, has anybody heard from NewsBusters lately? Are they still exposing liberal media bias? Let’s go see.
Hey, what’s this? Noted climatologist and assistant associate Newsbuster Noel Sheppard certainly has a catchy headline:
Global Warming Update: ‘Earth on the Brink of an Ice Age’
Oh dear, do you think I ought to run out an buy a heavier overcoat? And where did NewsBuster Noel get this alarming news?
Such was reported by Russia’s Pravda Sunday, and it not only goes quite counter to the junk science being espoused by folks like Nobel Laureate Al Gore and his accomplices James Hansen and Gavin Schmidt, but it has also been regularly proffered by many of the real scientists and climatologists around the world that global warming loving media not only refuse to cite and/or interview, but also disgracefully ridicule as deniers and flat earthers.
Ahem. Pravda? As in the Pravda of St. Ronnie’s “Evil Empire”? The state-run newspaper of a country controlled by a bunch of former Commie KGB officers? Yes, indeedy, the one and the same. Indeed, the same old Pravda that recently ran an article called “The mother of all paradoxes, the American social model” and which says this
Ah, the American Dream! To the degree the model appears to the rest of the world as honeycombed and as full of holes as Swiss cheese, the more America’s ideological operation morphs into a contest between good (the US model) and evil (the rest). America’s private struggle between good and evil becomes in turn the ideological platform and the inspiration-justification of puritanical, individualistic and greedy America’s age-old universal crusade against the rest of the world. Moreover, lest one forgets or believes the crap, the American social system is all the more insidious for human society today because it has become the social model for the world of capitalist globalization.
Surprisingly, Comrade Noel makes no mention of this shameful, Commie-inspired diatribe. Why do Noel and all his fellow NewsBusters hate America? Why do they like a socialist newspaper better than good old American newspapers?
Not surprisingly, however, the evidence for this impending Ice Age is familiar. It’s snowing outside.
It now appears that the current Northern Hemisphere winter of 2008/09 will probably equal or surpass the winter of 2007/08 for both snow depth and cold temperatures.
Without having to explain to these yo-yos yet again the difference between climate and weather, let’s play a game. Let’s play find “La Niña.” The rules are simple. See if you can find any reference to La Niña in Noel’s post or the Pravda article. Then come back when you’re finished.
Couldn’t find it, could you? Because you see La Niña years, like 2008, are typically colder but this La Niña has been the warmest yet that was not offset by El Niño conditions.
Of course, Noel and his comrades at Pravda still need to explain away the carbon dioxide business and for that they come up with what I’ll call the Coke bottle theory:
The reason that global CO2 levels rise and fall in response to the global temperature is because cold water is capable of retaining more CO2 than warm water. That is why carbonated beverages loose [sic] their carbonation, or CO2, when stored in a warm environment. We store our carbonated soft drinks, wine, and beer in a cool place to prevent them from loosing their ‘fizz’, which is a feature of their carbonation, or CO2 content. The earth is currently warming as a result of the natural Ice Age cycle, and as the oceans get warmer, they release increasing amounts of CO2 into the atmosphere.
You see the extra carbon dioxide in the air comes from the ocean, not from SUVs. Cars and power plants don’t emit carbon dioxide. They apparently emit pixie dust and ice crystals.
Just when you thought Comrade Sheppard couldn’t go any further off the deep end, he puts on his tin-foil-lined Russian fur cap, flicks a booger or two from his fingers, and types this
Vladimir Putin may have cut supplies of gas from the Ukraine to Europe because he believes the globe is about to go into a cooling phase, and controlling natural gas will give his country a great deal of added power on that continent. Maybe Putin was aware of this article about to be published by Pravda?
So much for your European vacations, liberals, unless you like skiing down the Spanish Steps.
UPDATE: Just when I thought assistant associate adjunct Newsbuster Noel Sheppard had reached peak ridiculous, he delivers yet more hilarity. Somebody pointed out to NewsBuster Noel that the author of the Pravda article is a 9-11 Truther, which you might think somewhat destroys the author’s credibility on pretty much any subject from global climate change to how to boil water. But, ooooh nooooo:
How delicious that an America-hating Truther who contributes to Pravda has a firmer grasp of climatology than Nobel Laureate Al Gore, James Hansen, Gavin Schmidt, and most of the folks at the IPCC. Now THAT’S entertainment!!!
You have to think that if Noel learned that the Pravda author admitted he made up his Ice Age post completely out of whole cloth and that not one single word of it was true, Noel would say it was delicious that a totally-fabricated lie was more accurate than anything that ever came out of Al Gore’s mouth.
From Noel’s bio at NewsBusters: “Noel welcomes feedback at nsheppard@newsbusters.org.”
In Russia, climate warms you!
You know the only thing easier than “pissing off” a Liberal?
Confusing a Conservative.
Pravda? Wingnuts now consider Pravda a source for anything? Pravda? Really?
Well, give him credit for a possible hit close to the mark with this comment:
Maybe Putin was aware of this article about to be published by Pravda?
Gee, you think? I’d say Putin or his goons probably either approve or set out the guidelines for a lot of what gets printed or broadcast in the Russian Republic of KGB.
Of course, this realization would have caused a sane individual to look elsewhere for support for his underlying insane premise. But then again, this is Noel Sheppard, writing for NewsBusters.
Why not? They behaved as if Pravda was telling the truth about the USSR’s capabilities all through the Cold War.
Wingnuts will take whatever news supports their insane worldview, even if they were just denouncing it minutes before.
Let’s face it – the Russians have an impeccable record on science policy dating all the way back to Trofim Lysenko. It’s not surprising that American Conservatives would view this with admiration.
“We store our carbonated soft drinks, wine, and beer in a cool place to prevent them from loosing their ‘fizz’, which is a feature of their carbonation, or CO2 content.”
Right, which is why you only see soda and beer carried in refrigerated trucks and why Walmart has huge walk-in coolers to accommodate these sensitive liquids, which must always be stored cool, less they lose their fizz.
Science fail.
Let’s see
1) things are actually getting colder, despite
2) the warming oceans releasing more carbon dioxide, which
3) does not come from rainbow-and-rosewater farting SUVs.
Noel is very self-sufficient. He can contradict himself, thank you very much, with no help from any one.
But…but…but it must be true! There’s “Truth” right in the name!
Besides, any newspaper that would publish this is just chock full of credibility.
I no longer have an opinion on any issue until I find out what Joe the Plumber thinks about it.
More like driving-on-the-highway fail and going-to-the-liquor-store fail.
Something else I don’t get about these guys:
It is really going to matter that humans did or did not cause the Great Warming? I mean, as the last conservative in Georgia drowns because the state is now under water is his last thought going to be “Hah! We didn’t do it! That’ll show those blasted lib…gulb..gulb..gulb…”
See, in the past, conservatives stood athwart history and yelled “Stop!” Now they can’t remember history. Heck, they can’t remember summer.
See also:
http://whiskeyfire.typepad.com/whiskey_fire/2009/01/i-am-a-scientist.html
Back when I contributed to the Snopes mailing list Pravda was an always reliable go-to for kook news.
That same Pravda.ru science section has this super-sophisticatorated analysisization:
They Are Most Science, More Science Than You!
Pravda goes on to note in another story that
Which of course explains why Al Gore is FAT and has a BIG HOUSE!
That same Pravda.ru science section has this super-sophisticatorated analysisization:
Wow. Russians used to be pretty sharp – I guess infotainment has made them all retarded, too.
I am of the firm belief that all this CO2 from the oceans caused the Tunguska event of 1908 in Siberia. It was not a comet or a UFO. It was carbon dioxide! It was sort of like taking the cap of a warm, heavily shaken bottle of Coke, and it gets all over your shirt and if you put it up to your mouth in the hopes of containing the Coke explosion, it ends up going up and out your nose and gets all over your shirt anyway.
Next, you liberals will be telling us that SUV driving velicaraptors caused the dinosaurs to go extinct! You morans….
Which of course explains why Al Gore is FAT and has a BIG HOUSE!
Wait, I’m not sure I’m following you. Al Gore is rich and fat because he makes Tipper do her O face?
By the way, I still await the anti-AGW people to explain (1) how else the Earth loses solar-radiation absorbed heat to space if not for longwave infrared photons leaving the top of the atmosphere; (2) how increased levels of CO2 and gases with similar absorptive characteristics can possibly not delay the rate of release of longwave infrared photons to space; and (3) how increased releases of CO2 and other gases with similar absorptive characteristics into the atmosphere by fossil-fueled industries can somehow not be related to the measured increases of CO2 etc in the atmosphere whose isotope characteristics closely mirror those released by fossil-fuel burning?
Creation science AND female orgasms? Fuck it, I’m never reading the Times’ Science section again, I’m only reading Pravda. They can’t be as wrong as John Tierney.
I no longer have an opinion on any issue until I find out what Joe the Plumber thinks about it.
Would that be “Joe” “The Reporter Who Thinks All Reporting Should Be Replaced By Propaganda” The “Plumber”?
I don’t know; I refuse to explore that topic. However, since the rightards declared Pravda such a valued source, and they said it, it must be connected and explains stuff that you libruls don’t want to hear about.
By the way, if Joe (Not Joe) the Plumber (Not Plumber) Sam Wurtzenheimerbaklavaria says that they shouldn’t ort’ta let ‘reporters’ and ‘the media’ cover wars, what would they call the people that ‘they’ pick to cover the war? “War coverers?” “Talky talk people?” “Patriot mumblers?”
“Wow. Russians used to be pretty sharp – I guess infotainment has made them all retarded, too.”
I’m just guessing, but I doubt Babu G. Ranganathan is Russian.
“We store our carbonated soft drinks, wine, and beer in a cool place to prevent them from loosing their ‘fizz’, ”
Just, wow. I can’t believe I’ve been drinking 80 degree Mountain Dew (or, Mtn Dew, as it’s known now. Seriously, check it out.) all these years.
Now I question everything. Should I be heating up my frozen pizzas before I eat that, too? I always thought we kept those below 32 so they retain that special crispiness that we crave.
Pravda???
Yet I know I will be confronted by some of the local denialists who will treat this as gospel. We are getting buttloads of snow up here in MN, and it is supposed to get to 25 below (F) tonight, so they crow to me “what about that global warming bullshitAlGoresocialistenvirowackoetc.etc.etc.”. I try to tell them about weather vs. climate, forcings, feedback, trends and the like, but since we don’t have palm trees in Duluth they look at me like I am nuts.
Then I ask them if they remember how thick the ice on Lake Superior used to get and how people would drive out to put up ice for the summer and they will turn around and say “Oh yeah, I remember dad doing that – funny how it doesn’t freeze that thick anymore”.
yeah, funny that.
It sounds like Noel is confusing CO2 with the clathrate gun hypothesis, which is a bit like confusing lime Jell-O with kryptonite.
In central Texas, we had a freak snowstorm on Saturday, April 7, 2007, the day before Easter. Several wingnuts I know assailed me with “HA!! Take that, Al Gore! So much for your global WARMING, huh???”
Can’t we start calling it “global climate change”? I mean, even if everything got a lot colder (which is one possible but fairly unlikely scenario with the clathrate gun hypothesis), that wouldn’t be too good either, would it?
Pravda is also big with the 9-11 Twoofers and the UFO nuts… It’s like Art Bell with a funny accent.
Remember, the one and only criteria for judging the quality of a political position is whether or not it pisses off liberals. There is no other significant criteria. If the information that pisses off liberals comes from Pravda, the official propaganda organ of the Russian commie KGB, so be it. If the space aliens from Independence Day commenced their invasion with the words, “Al Gore is fat,” the wingnuts would greet them as liberators.
Joe Max: We need to do more to convince the right wing that Joe Not Joe the Plumber Not Plumber is really, really, really pissing us off (hee hee) so that they will feature him everywhere.
“Loose” isn’t necessarily misspelled, since carbonated beverages do indeed loose their carbonation into the surrounding air when they’re warmer rather than holding on to it. Just saying.
yes sir, times is hard. man’s gotta get is global-warming denialism where he can find it. iffun that means proffta or pravadavalava or whatever, well, then, so be it. yes sir.
Next, you liberals will be telling us that SUV driving velicaraptors caused the dinosaurs to go extinct!
*ahem* Funny you should mention that, Zeppo…
Pravda.ru isn’t state-run, and it’s not affiliated with the actual newspaper Pravda (which also isn’t state-run anymore.) It is, instead, the greatest source of totally made-up kooky news articles since The Weekly World News folded, which makes Newsbusters citing it less “delightfully ironic” and more “outright fucking hilarious.”
FYWP for erasing my brilliant post.
I think what he’s trying to say is that merely shoving our Cokes in the fridge is no longer enough to stem the tide of Evil CO2, and we must all switch to freezer storage, exploding cans be damned.
And, what the fucking fuck, the Al Gore Evil Movie of Lies CLEARLY stated that the melting of Greenland would fuck up the Gulf Stream, allowing arctic air to penetrate previously mild climes. Gazoogle confirms FIVE YEARS AGO.
There aren’t enough fuck-words in the dictionary to describe these fuckbags.
I read that it snowed in Buffalo last year. I bet it’ll snow in Buffalo THIS year too. Global Warming is therefore a hoax.
oh goody!
El Cid,
(1) For various reasons
(2) teh buttocks
(3) For various reasons
It shall henceforth be ordered that all wingnuts will be required to keep all windows and doors shut during the summer. Because there is no such thing as the ‘Greenhouse Effect’ this will have no bearing on the temperature inside the house, and will also mean that the terrists will have no means in which to infiltrate their compounds and perform gay abortions. It is so ordered.
Are there still penguins?
AHA! There ARE still penguins, smart guy.
Who you gonna believe, good old Uncle Pravda or your lying synapses?
Where I am right now, I’d expect it to be about -5 Celsius at this time of year, maybe even dipping down close to -8 or -10 for a night-time low (last year it got down to an unusual extreme of -21 or so) … it’s +4, just like it was last evening, just like it was all night long … that’s very funny, but not in a haha kind of way.
December started out around +11, & stayed there for a week … & every winter now I keep wondering if one of these years I’m going to see the same crazy 20 degree bump in the summer – which I’m pretty sure would create a real boom economy for undertakers.
In other climate-related news, it’s almost 70 degrees here in Oakland at TEN O’CLOCK IN THE FRICKING MORNING!
Good holy Jesus Christ on a cracker. THE LIKELY END RESULT OF GLOBAL WARMING IS ANOTHER ICE AGE!!!! The two do not contradict each other. Evidence of one is, if anything, possible proof of the other “Global warming? Seems to me the winters are getting colder!” YES, DUMBFUCK THAT’S EXACTLY THE POINT!
Oh, and PS. NOBODY THINKS THAT HUMAN BEINGS ARE DESCENDED FROM MONKEYS, EITHER!
Jesus God they explained this stuff to us in the fourth grade. And it fucking infuriates me that every time one of these B-arkers spews these same tired, stupid, missing-the-point nonsense, the first response is always to say, “well, you know, we don’t really know yet if it’s really getting warmer or colder” or “well, there’s a lot of proof that evolution exists.” Instead of just pointing out that they simply don’t understand what the fuck they’re talking about and explaining in simple, fourth-grade level terms (I got it, and so did every other twelve-year-old in my class, so it can, apparently, be done) exactly what it is they’ve gotten wrong and why, and then just keep repeating it and repeating it and repeating it until no reasoning person will ever take seriously anything they ever say again and we can all live happily ever after.
And this is my dream for the new year.
As regards the update, what did I say at the beginning?
Oh yeah:
Wingnuts will take whatever news supports their insane worldview, even if they were just denouncing it minutes before.
“So what if it’s written by a psychotic, it’s obviously more true than Al Gore’s opinion because it agrees with *me*!”
I always like to put the global warming denialism in these terms: “It snowed in Buffalo yesterday, therefore global surface temperature will not likely rise a further 1.1 to 6.4 °C (2.0 to 11.5 °F) during the twenty-first century.”
Has anyone bothered to point out to Noel that Pravda has morphed from state-run propaganda rag to tawdry tabloid rag?
Not that there’s much difference in quality…
So CO2 is NOT absorbed by water, huh? Ergo, there is no chance that the oceans act as a “carbon sink”, absorbing and RELEASING CO2?
ORLY?
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2004/07/0715_040715_oceancarbon.html
BTW, what’s up with all the name-changing? First it was Retardo, now Clif. Who’s next? Will Brad become “Dexter Bodean Hornbuckle”?
I think that for one day, all the writers of Sadly, No! should change their names to a Groucho Marx character.
Excuse me while I have a strange interlude…
I miss the mild mannered jonah
he makethed me to understand such deepness as “starve a liberal feed a fascist”
He makethed me to understand the final resolution of pie
I see now the final combat will be less without than more to gain
“How delicious that an America-hating Truther who contributes to Pravda has a firmer grasp of climatology than Nobel Laureate Al Gore, James Hansen, Gavin Schmidt, and most of the folks at the IPCC. Now THAT’S entertainment!!!”
Ok, that is some seriously funny shit.
It was sort of like taking the cap of a warm, heavily shaken bottle of Coke, and it gets all over your shirt and if you put it up to your mouth in the hopes of containing the Coke explosion, it ends up going up and out your nose and gets all over your shirt anyway.
That only works with cold Coke; warm Coke has already loosed its CO2, even with the cap on.
Therefore, we need a giant warm coke bottle to fly up into the ionosphere to go and sweep up all the excess CO2? What happened to the Ron Paul blimp? Can it be recycled? Enquiring minds etc…
We store our carbonated soft drinks, wine, and beer in a cool place to prevent them from loosing their ‘fizz’, which is a feature of their carbonation, or CO2 content.
Fizzy wine? Remind me not to drink the wine at Noel’s place.