I wonder what the world looks like when you’re so far right that from where you’re standing, the ACLU, Planned Parenthood and the Episcopal Church all occupy the same location on the political spectrum?

And someone should tell the Good Pastor that one of the reasons African Americans avoid the Republican Party is that it’s one of the few places left where someone can publically refer to a Black man as simply a “black” in print that has presumably been read by someone else before publication.

Anyhow, as I read the tirades, I wondered what thinkers did before the mid-1800s? How did they get along without Saint Darwin? What holy script did they use to explain origins?

Um, along those lines… Does anyone else want to break it to the Swanksta that humanity got along pretty well before a bunch of troublemakers (or, more precisely, *two* bunches, at least) hatched the existence of The Bible?

Emailers in panic fits are now going to their therapists to get relief from my post. It?s amazing what a column can do to mentally unstable people. You have to admit that he’s got us pegged there.

“Hey, you, Black — why aren’t you a Republican yet? Don’t you believe in JEEEE-ZUSSSah?”

Of course, the lambasting was emotional tirade at its harshest and yet lamest.

SWANK tells it like it is, folks! With bonus self-referential humor!

The SWANK T-shirt

And remember, for the tenderest and tastiest carnage, lambaste over high ethical foundation, then slice and dice with demonizer and serve with broadside relish.

have the Republican party and Mr. Bush in particular to thank for the state of this nation at present

Actually, Swank, I’m sure you don’t have to tell them twice that he’s to blame.

“…the illogical verbal lynching raucous.”

I off my ass laughing am pants my wetting.

“…that is, those who are Judeo-Christian ethically based…”

Why do they use ‘Judeo-Christian’ when they mean ‘Christian’?

A black cannot be a Bible-carrying, Sunday school attending, worshiping Christian and at the same time undercut the Oval Office that stands for what that black says he believes on the Lord’s Day.

Jeez. You can almost picture the man typing “N-I-G-G…” before realizing he’d better use a more politically correct term.

Ed Anger’s Slow Brother

Have you ever read that delightfully subtle and seditious “column” in the The Weekly World News called “Ed Anger”? Yes, yes, that Weekly World News of the “Bat Boy” fame, and the staple news publication of rednecks everywhere.
Damn, it’s brilliant. Like a

Mr. Bush represents the defense of womb babies, embryonic human life, biblical definitions of masculinity, femininity,…

…bombing brown people, torture chambers, oppressing minorities (gays), American isolation in the world, rising national debt, and pride in being ignorant or stupid.

Sure, Judeo-Christians should all support such a man.

I could not understand how Jennings in particular could relish such broadsides against a conservative American base that in fact gave him his liberty air to breathe every morning he awakened.

Here in Chicago we don’t have liberty air. We have soot filled, frenchified air. I gotta get me some of that pure, clean liberty air. Or maybe some freedom air. Anyone know where I can get that?

Singer Harry Belafonte even came to the fore for the dark forces.

Further, [the black civil rights celebration] fires up the anti-God Dem party line. … May God have mercy on [the black Christians in attendance] souls.

Boilerplate Swankian raving, ho-hum. But then this:
I adopted a black baby who is now in his mid-20s.

Holy Sweet Swankian Jesus! Imagine living as a black person in the Swankian world! Poor kid.

Womb Babies
Embryonic Human Life
Biblical Definitions Of Masculinity

August 27th at The Paragon Ballroom – a punk extraganza not to be missed! With headliners
The SWANKS!

ummm .. I don’t know what an extraganza is. I might have meant to type a word that exists in our language.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, tg, I like “extraganza”! You can never have too much “ganza,” or so my Jamaican friends tell me!

For the centuries prior to The Origin of the Species came up with us all developing from tiny bits of swiggly whatevers, human brains worked out the biblical message as given primarily in Genesis.Interestingly, human brains also worked out several other creation myths having nothing to do with Genesis and Judaism or Christianity. Pan Gu’s waking and cracking open the black egg, Surt’s everlasting Muspell, and the eternal Dreamtime to me all sound as worthy as God creating the heavens and the earth in six days (for the Bible literalists). Any other fun myths out there with which we may torture Swanky raucous?

I could not understand how Jennings in particular could relish such broadsides against a conservative American base that in fact gave him his liberty air to breathe every morning he awakened.

Yes, Jennings should have been thanking Jeebus every morning for his deliverance from the horrible oppression he knew growing up in … err … Canada.

I adopted a black baby who is now in his mid-20’s.

That just kills me. So that is what entitles him to this opinion? If he held a truly transcendent attitude that factoid wouldn’t have to mentioned at all. What was the real next sentence written after that before he erased it and thought better of it?

And now I have him trained just right.
Because of his faith, he is no longer required to wear white gloves in my presence.
He is totally convinced the Civil War was unnecessary.
Malcolm X – there was a man who hurt the cause.

“God-holding minds”

Gotta admit, the uses that Swank finds for the English language are far…different than those I use it for. Me, I like conveying ideas. Him…not quite sure what he’s up to.

Thorlac, there is the creation myth of the Kalevala. A duck was flying over the void of waters before the earth was formed, trying to find a place to lay her eggs. A water-mother rose above the sea, and the duck lay her eggs on the water-mother’s knee. Then knee of the water-mother shook, dashing the eggs to the sea floor. Then the water-mother makes the world out of the broken eggs.

“From one half the egg, the lower,
Grows the nether vault of Terra:
From the upper half remaining,
Grows the upper vault of Heaven;
From the white part come the moonbeams,
From the yellow part the sunshine,
From the motley part the starlight,
From the dark part grows the cloudage;”

Some sources I’ve heard have said swan instead of duck.

“You can almost picture the man typing “N-I-G-G…” before realizing he’d better use a more politically correct term.”

I am sure he has an automatic spell-check to do that. Too bad he has the grammar check turned off.

We need some of that Liberty Air over here is CA too!

Liberty Air — it’s the name name for Air America, brought to you by conservatives who suffer to let you live.

Singer Harry Belafonte even came to the fore for the dark forces.
And you know, the funny thing is, he is probably well aware of the double meaning of “dark forces” and stands by both of them.

I’m engaged in my own fight with hateful right-sided bloggers and would appreciate the help.

“Fighting hate one blog at a time!”

Why do they use ‘Judeo-Christian’ when they mean ‘Christian’?

Ethiopian jewry, of course! Since ‘they’ can’t tell one brown face from another, they cover all their bases.

oh, and Finnish jews too, from the ‘cold’ tribe.

“So, Pastor Swank, what do you call your act?”
“The Aristocrats!”

BTW, this thread has gone on long enough without mentioning Marie Jon’, so I will.

Thanks, Chris. I completely forgot about that today.

Talking about Marie Jon’, this poll tells us that Marie Jon’ wants to do it with Natalie Portman and Yosef while Gavin and wha? get to watch. Everyone else on the poll: you got the cold shoulder. Ouch.

Here’s a new poll, asking where you think Pastor Swank gets his genius from.

Thorlac, non-Christian religions are of Satan and therefore don’t count.

Hey, didn’t Swank also have an African-American foster child about whom he wrote an article saying it was a miracle he didn’t shoot him? Or something?

Why do they use ‘Judeo-Christian’ when they mean ‘Christian’?

To avoid being accused of anti-semitism, and/or because they Support Israel, at least until the Second Coming happens and all the Jews convert to Christianity.

They would never conceive of a common Judeo-Christian-Islamic heritage, of course.

Womb Babies. Wasn’t that a show on Saturday morning TV?

Talking about Marie Jon’, this poll tells us that Marie Jon’ wants to do it with Natalie Portman and Yosef while Gavin and wha? get to watch. Everyone else on the poll: you got the cold shoulder. Ouch.

YES!!!!

Thorlac —
A particularly great creation myth comes from the (probably French) Celts: The sow goddess Henwen runs all around the earth giving birth to litters of different animals, and, eventually, humans. No mention of how the earth, or the sow, got there in the first place though… but perhaps if I try hard enough my human brain can work out the message…

“I adopted a black baby who is now in his mid-20’s.”

I bet he’s hot. But prolly a little confused.

My question, though, is why this fact gives Schwanky a license to talk about black people in this way. I bought a Saab- do I get to lambast the Swedes now? I have “Amelie” on DVD, do I now understand the undertones of French morality?

Normally, I like Swanky. He is crazy, but usually in a cute finding-weed-in-the-jacket-I-stole kinda way. Yes, he thinks we’re all hedonistic sodomites to be smote total by the God Christian, but I don’t usually hold that against him.

But now I just think he is an ass.

Womb Babies. Wasn’t that a show on Saturday morning TV?

I was pretty sure they were a short-lived competitor for Cabbage Patch Kids. In the marketplace of ideas, also known as Toys ‘R’ Us, these two competing theories of child origins battled head to head, and Cabbage Patch won. I think it may have been because the Cabbage Patch Kids were cute and cuddly, while the Womb Babies were all gross and slimy.

I thought they were what lara croft gathered in Womb Raider II, electric boogaloo.

I’m not sure what “hockum” is, but I think Pastor Swank’s trying to make a booger joke.

No, no. Not boogers, loogies.

Oh, it’s ‘womb babies’, and here all this time I thought that the Swanktician had a preternatural love of ‘wombats’. Sort of creepy either way.

Yosef, I wouldn’t read too much into your good poll numbers as the question is who Marie likes the best. Hell I like a lot of people that I wouldn’t want to have hot sticky sex with. Given that I am trailing Gavin, Yosef and Wha? that’s the only logical conclusion that one may come to. So while you guys all try to out compete each other in the likability arena, Sweet Marie and I will be locked in some NoTell Motel room doing things you nice guys couldn’t even imagine with the lights on!

Thorlac:

The good pastor may also be surprised to learn that, prior to Christianity, certain radical secularist thinkers *cough*Aristotle*cough* had the crazy notion that there was no creation. The universe simply was and always had been.

After reading Pastor’s piece my steadfast support of GOP started to wobble. I read that I have to choose between a political party (a bunch of long-winded talkers?) and a killing party (serious ass kicking?) and then he writes that the latter is the Democratic Party!

Then I read that I can join or shun a bunch of intolerant shouters. After reading the “Book of virtues” I know the value of rightuous anger; tolerance is a code word for “take pity of a weepy liberal”. But no! the angry guys are, once more, the Democrats.

I did not leave GOP, GOP left me. I want my killing intolerant party. If Dems are the only option, so be it.

I remain convinced that Swanky is gonna sweep the competition global over on World O’Crap’s Ultimate Wingnut Challenge?. Unless s.z. introduces a last-minute spoiler, such as Marie Jon’, even such titans as Kaye Grogan and Doug Giles don’t stand a womb baby’s chance at an abortionist’s convention against the good Pastor (and his unstoppable army of adopted black children).

The odd thing is that I saw pretty much this same, exact discussion going on, I believe, in comments on Kevin Drum’s blog. About a week-or-so ago. Except, it was mostly wingers claiming that they knew of plenty of funny right-wing blogs, but had despaired of finding any humor on the left. A few commenters suggested a few of the usual suspects, like norbizness (but not S, N!), but the right-wing types dismissed all of them as just shallow snark, not “real” humor, not funny. So, judging by this comments thread, and those right-wing comments, perhaps the two sides’ senses of humor are completely alien to one another. ‘Course, I still think we are correct in this matter….

Oops-posted that to wrong thread. Will repost. Now that’s comedy!

so by adopting a black child Swank is now an expert on US race relations? Cool, then judging by all the “Asian All-Girl” videos I rented in college I’m now an expert on the Chinese gay rights movement! Bitchin! Book deal and Oprah here I come!!!

Woodrowfan, that’s a good one.