Ah yes, they laugh NOW…

From our own Sarah Jane Smith, today, in comments:

Please do not make light to of God’s appeal. God loves you. He is died for you. God does very much work in mysterious ways. You brought yourself to me. Why? Now, I will pray you home along with a full church membership where I attend. All of you as of this night are on our prayer list. We are praying you home.
[…] Love, Marie Jon’

So if anyone feels a touch displaced from the quotidian tomorrow…


Comments: 50


“God loves you. He is died for you.”

Aww, and I didn’t buy Him anything for His birthday!

Makes God sound needy and co-dependent to me (and a little shaky on English usage).


The writing is 1/3 Seuss, 1/3 Yoda and 1/3 pure evil.


I just checked out the window and it appears that I’m still in Tucson.


Maybe 1/3 Andy Kaufman on an evil and wicked bender.


They won’t be starting until sometime tomorrow.

Does ‘praying you home’ mean that they’re going to ask God to kill us? Hm.


Love the Dr. Who! I noticed your sitemeter login was John Pertwee. CLASSIC. I of course cockblocked you with the much more popular Tom Baker, who also played Rasputin in a crappy miniseries about Nicholas and Alexandra. DOUBLE CLASSIC!

None of this will matter tomorrow, as we will all be flying up the the naked chicks in heaven. I hope there is a stripper factory and a beer volcano as promised by the Flying Spaghetti Monster.


I checked out the Girl on the Right site (http://www.girlontheright.com/) that Gavin mentioned. Boring! You just know this one sleeps with plush toys and not in a kinky way.


I posted this in response to Marie, but then realized that that post is no longer on the main page, and am thus posting it here.

Marie, I believe you’re sincere and appreciate your concern. Nontheless, you don’t realize exactly how your concern could be viewed from another’s perspective. From the Saami perspective, you could be considered just another in a long line of your co-religionists who came to convert and forcibly squelched the traditional Saami beliefs, burning drums, and exacting violence. In Finland, faith is something one can enjoy, but is something one keeps private.

The dominant religion in the Saami areas is no longer traditional Saami belief, but is a form of Christianity called Laestadianism. The preacher Laestadius, who came to the Saami and called alcohol the devil’s vomit and talked about whores standing up with their sin running down their leg, converted them to a strict, sometimes harmful form of religion. I don’t know that the Saami are better off having accepted Christianity. There some Laestadians who would consider you to be in unbelief because you are not part of their church. How is your belief right and their’s wrong?

When you say, “Love God with all your heart,” I know you aren’t speaking of my favorite God, Tapio, Master of the Forest. Why should I give up my beloved Tapio for an updated version of Mithras?


I saw that, Ukko. I thought that was great. I appreciated it for sure.


Thanks, Pinko.

I thought I should clarify the second paragraph I wrote above. It was the 1800’s in Scandinavia when the Saami traditional beliefs were forcibly suppressed. It is in Finland and the rest of Scandinavia today where people are totally free to believe whatever they want, but by custom, keep their religious beliefs private, much like certain fundamentalists in the US keep their sex lives, or lack there of, private.


To get a feel for where one branch of Laestadianism has gone, read this blog or this page from someone who left it.

After reading these, you will understand why I can say that I’m happy for Marie if she has found a faith that makes her happy and a better person. But for me, the effects of religion do not clearly sum to a net positive.


I think that Marie uses her faith to justify other underlying beliefs, I do wonder if it makes her a better person. I’m not convinced she is real. I wonder if their page is some sort of preview to a scam. They haven’t solicited money yet, as far as I know, but you never know. I fear she wouldn’t undertake a serious dialogue with you, Ukko.


Gosh, I love Sadly No! More Laestadianism, more declensions (I thought the adessive was hot enough, but the abessive and the comitative blew my mind!) and more teletransportation by Christian prayer than I ever thought possible!

Marie-Jon, when you pray me home, could you send me to Saint-Tropez? I wasn’t born there, but I was conceived there, so technically…

(actually, I was conceived in an AirOntario toilet somewhere between Port Victoria and Lake-of-Bays, but Marie doesn’t have to know that)

Anyway, put in a word with the Big Guy and see what you can do, Marie. Smoochies!


I salute your parents, mile-high members and with style.


I know that Sarah Jane was no Leela, and I know that she screamed “Doctor!” alot, and I realise that she was kind of a poor role model for young women, but I do have to beg you not to compare her to Marie Jon’. I mean, SJS used English as a first language. She was supposed to be a journalist, she could write.
In short, please let me keep my childhood.

Pastor Tobin Maker

Romana was the only Doctor’s assistant I ever jacked off to.


There were two Romanas. Do you mean the first one, or the one who’s now married to Richard Dawkins?


I gotta admit, I WOULD like to hear the recording of her whole congregation praying for Sadly, No!


“We are praying you home.”

Translated this means there are nice little dolls of your likenesses that have been saturated with sharp needles … aren’t you dead yet?


Definitely the first Romana.

As for Marie, does she run her words through BabaleFish, and then back again, before posting??


ummmm babelfish

damned keyboard.


I think we’ve been missing something rather alarming about Marie’s usage of, and spelling of English. Could it be that our little darlin’ is “speakin’ in tongues”?
And speaking of religion, check out this URL from C&L….http://www.venganza.org/
Guaranteed to make you smile. Or as Marie might say,”You’ll read liking thatmcuh safdkjjqoal wkjfjwu jfdka Hallelujah”!


I posted this in the previous comment thread, but things move so quickly around here, and the Marie Jon’ fun seems to expand to fill every available thread, so I’m pretty sure nobody saw it. So here’s a second bite at the forbidden apple.

Seems pretty obvious to me that — if the IP address confirms it was MJ’ — this is a prime example of drunk commenting, analogous to drunk dialing, or whatever it is that today’s young ladies call it when they get liquored up and start calling their exes on the cellphone. (I’m sure there is a hip name for it — after all, I have read about it on several blogs — but I’m not hip enough to actually recall the term.)

Anyway, I can picture young Miss (not Ms., never Ms.) Jon’, deep in her cups — a fine vintage from the Toiling in the Vineyards Vineyards, no doubt — and pounding away on her keyboard a cutting swipe at John, Paul, Gorge and Ringo, or whichever apostles are currently running the bog of her dreams and nightmares. And then I can picture her the next morning, stumbling around in her PP thong, wondering aloud “Did I really write them?” Sadly for her, unlike drunk dialing — where the perpetrator merely remembers with chagrin the act of calling, and not so much the conversation — drunk commenting is completely out there for all the world to see.


Don’t we subject Marie to our cultural biases? Her language, while mostly intelligeble. seems to be different from ours, but is it inferior? Aren’t we relativists? Where is the pride in our principles!

That said, I am afraid that some notions just elude me. However, even if I have no idea what “praying me home” means, and even if I have only a feeble idea about the nature of the prayer, we can approach that subject in a constructive and open minded manner.

I think that the idea of prayer is that God may change His mind and that we can have some input there. I find this concept fascinating. Imagine: if God is changing His mind, then perhaps He has different opinions than, say, 3000 years ago! Can we get some insight about those changes? E.g., when was the last time when He smote, say, sodomites or blasphemers? Is the fact that lesbians have fewer STDs (including AIDS) than heterosexual women reflecting His current opinions?


I thought Jesus Christ died for you? God’s Dead? Wow…Where’s the corporate media on this breaking news?


God has changed a lot in the last few thousand years, Heb. 13:8 notwithstanding (JC the same, yesterday, today, and forevah). Back in the time of the ancient Hebrews, God was one of many, as in polytheism. Genesis refers to God as YHVH and as Elohim. Later, God morphed into a single vengeful deity, smiting all who dared cross him.

In the course of history, God matured and had a son. This son, in the grand tradition of Horus, was conceived by a virgin, named Meri or Miriam, the only begotten son of a major god, born around the winter solstice in a cave or stable, baptized at age 30, had twelve disciples, transfigured on a mountain, killed by crucifixion, descended into Hell, and resurrected after three days. In this way, God again became plural, but still called himself singular as three-in-one.

After many years of watching his people follow his command to turn the other cheek, God helped his people take power and begin oppressing minorities. This situation continued for many years, until God began questioning whether it is faith or indulgences that save a person. At this, God seems to have become confused, and helped his Indulgence-people fight his Faith-people for many bloody years.

As this war between God’s people was going on, other of God’s people continued their mission to oppress minorities, this time in the New World. After clearing out most of the red savages, God explained to his people how the story of Ham justified slavery and that wealth is a sign of his favor upon them. God’s people took this advice to heart and began enslaving Hamites and enriching themselves with a vengeance.

By the 1950’s, God began changing his mind about the Hamites, so he made a deal with his people. If they laid off on oppressing the Hamites, he would sent Republican Jesus unto them. And lo, Republican Jesus appeared in the Year of our Lord, 1980. Unlike that old Jesus who spoke of helping the poor and criticized the rich, Republican Jesus preached the prosperity gospel, explaining how true Christians made lots of money while the poor were just lazy.

On September 11th, Republican Jesus explained to us that we must bomb and kill the filthy Muslims, for they are not followers of the true faith. Lately, he has been stressing the message that we must hate the gays, for if we don’t, we may become gay ourselves.

And now we reach the present time. After thousands of years of evolution, God has reached his pinnacle of popularity. He is worshipped all over the earth by about 2 billion groupies. Whenever he shows himself, whether that be in a water stain on a bridge or a burn pattern on a cheese sandwich, he is mobbed by adoring fans. Stick around, for there’s no telling where God will go next!


I tried to pray myself home once, but the MUNI operator told me my transfer was too old. I had to pay instead.


“Don’t we subject Marie to our cultural biases? Her language, while mostly intelligeble. seems to be different from ours, but is it inferior? Aren’t we relativists? Where is the pride in our principles!”

All very true. I would like to suggest that the Internet observe a “Write Like MJN Day” to promote the cause. Alternately, we could develop the idea into an English dialect suitable for being taught in schools along with Intelligent Design, “Marie Jon’bonics”.


Hmm, prompted by mdhatter, I tried double-SYSTRANing some English to see how closely the result would match Marie-Jon’glish. First I came up with an English version of MJ”s comment, and then ran it through SYSTRAN twice; English-to-Spanish and Spanish-to-English. I would have used Finnish as the in-between language, but alas it’s not available.

English version (of course, I had to make some guesses as to what MJ’ was trying to say):
Please do not make light of God. God loves you, and his son died for you. God does truly work in mysterious ways, so perhaps your visit to my web site was God’s work. In any case, I will pray for you, as will the full congregation of the church I attend. All of you as of tonight are in our prayers. We are all praying for you.

Double-SYSTRAN’ed version:
Please it does not do light to him of amors of God. God, and its son
died by you. The God works truth of mysterious ways, so perhaps its
visit to my Web site was work of the God. In any case, I will request
for you, as the complete congregation of the church I takes care of.
You in date tonight it is in our prayers. We are all that request for

Results? Pretty close, I’d say. Perhaps if we found the right in-between language, we’ll have found the true secret of Marie-Jon’glish.



I tried it with Finnish, and here it is (cleaned up just slightly).

“Care drift no make light from God. God love you, and its laddie die for you. God does truly work in puzzling way, so possibly your visit to mine web condition God’s work. In some case I will pray for you, as will mlmellinen; congregation from church I attend. Clean from you as from tonight are in ours prayer. We are clean pray for you.”


I’d like to clarify my history of God comment. This is not intended to insult rational believers. It is intended to insult unthinking loons who misuse religion to dress up their vilest instincts.


The above was from me.


One more thing: my earlier comment about the parallel of Jesus and Mithras isn’t the best to use. A better case can be made with Horus.


For some reason, my name keeps getting cut off.


I thought Jesus Christ died for you? God’s Dead? Wow…Where’s the corporate media on this breaking news?

Oh, that wasn’t a typo. Marie Jon’ is just really into Nietzsche.


Check out this poll. It asks who Marie Jon’ likes best.

Poll on who Marie Jon’ Likes Best


Ukko! Dude! Great poll but Wha? is going to be furous when he sees that he’s not a contender.


I prefer the Aztec gods myself.

I think American Christians like to pretend there are no other faiths. Because while you can make a fairly compelling philosophical case that god exists, you can’t make a good case that one faith is better then the others.

Christians can’t accuse, say, Buddhists of not having a moral code or of elevating themselves as wiser then their elders, so when a Buddhist say that homosexuality is a-ok they can’t really argue.

So they have to argue with atheists. Thus, they propagate the idea that any non-Christian is a non-believer (not thast these arguments work on most atheists, either, but it takes a lot longer to explain to the average joe why they don’t work on atheists).b


Uh-oh. Gavin is totally ahead in the Who Does Marie Jon’ Like? poll.


I wish there were a way to search the web for a particular photo, because I feel like that is not really MJ. I feel like she is someone else. That is a fake picture, it HAS to be.

Where is her IP address from, anyway? The moon? Anywhere weird or actually someplace normal?

Pastor Tobin Maker


The first Romana! If you have to ask you’re definitely gay.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that…


Not gay, just British. But what’s wrong with Lalla Ward?


I wish there were a way to search the web for a particular photo, because I feel like that is not really MJ. I feel like she is someone else. That is a fake picture, it HAS to be.

That was my feeling, too, Pinko Punko. I think I’ve figured it out, though. It’s… Mallory Keaton from Family Ties!

This explains *everything*.


Warnig! You may have to go back and read the unabridged (sans ellipses) quote for this to make complete sense:

Digging back in to my sordid past as a practicing Catholic and pain in the ass kid in the front seat at CCD classes asking embarassing questions:

If she thinks she’s going to be reunited with any family member, she’s going to be dissappointed… well, oddly not. Not she, nor anyone else who passes the test to enter the presence of God, will retain an essence of the individual self. Hence, family reunions are right, straight, out of the picture. Our individual personas are representations of our separation from God. That will be erased in the hereafter when we ar reunited with the source of our being.


In Heaven there is no golf.
Sorry, Mr. Graham


Karl, is there an english to welsh to english? that seems about right.


I thought Jesus Christ died for you? God’s Dead? Wow…Where’s the corporate media on this breaking news?

Posted by: jillian at August 7, 2005 07:20 PM

Well, they don’t cover the “God is Dead” stories since Nietzche ran that story on a forged memo.


Gavin, quit making my lady like you more! Marie, Natalie, and I don’t want any other people involved besides the 3 of us!


Dear Penthouse, I never thought your letters were true, but one day a whole group of churchgoers decided to pray for me all at once. Little did they know that my redheaded neighbor was going to pick that scorching afternoon to wash her car in her bikini and accidentally lock herself out of her house…


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