Maxwell Stupid

Foiled like a leftover meatloaf, foiled like a tinfoil moonbat hat!

Because we were just online (honestly) filling out comedy dating profiles at, when we ran over to look at Justin Darr’s bio — the one about being the hottest conservative writer, etc. — and found that Justin has a black-ops department of his own that we’re frankly scared to tangle with.

In honor of the left?s penchant for portraying myth as reality, I have taken the liberty of creating a fake memo of my own. This ?secret memo? was uncovered by an unnamed source and I accidentally threw the original away with a pizza box after I retyped it, but it read:

?USE THIS: Howard Dean (signature)

Hi Bill,

This is your neighbor, Supreme Court Nominee John Roberts. Just a quick note to thank you for adjusting your lawn mower blades so your grass is even with mine.

John Roberts (Closet Fascist.)

P.S. I can?t wait to get on the Supreme Court and ban abortion! HA! HA! HA!?

So should J. Darr from Turkey, Pennsylvania be “never married,” or “annulled?” They don’t have a category for “just lookin’ for a lover who won’t blow my cover.”


Comments: 12


Ooh, that link scares me.

I’ve been thinking for a loooong time now about setting up a profile as a politically conservative, leather wearing, whip wielding dominatrix, just to explore the abudndant humor potential in freaky conservatives. And to test out this theory I have about what conservative guys really want from women….

I may just have to go do it now. Bad, bad me.


If I was Justin and looking for some lovin’ I might emphasize that my website was hosted on Wink-wink nudge-nudge if you know what I mean.


Is “inebriated” a category because I would definitely choose that if it were available.


Dude- you’re making a profile on the conservative dating service? Me want to help!!!


I 100% dare you both to do it, but for one to put the opposite sex, I want to see if you two get matched up to each other.


Jeff could be Ms. Depesto! Sadly, Moonlighting!

Don’t mess with it yet or anything, but the login info is:
Username: salleno
Password: kayegrogan


Tempting oh so tempting. Very clever user name.

By the way, how many of you pronounce Kaye’s last name in a 60s Japanese SciFi monster sort of way? It’s Grogan, aiyeeeeeeeei!


I hate to admit this, but “grogan” was one of the many words my friends and I used in junior high to refer to a large log of feces.


I thought Darr was married. Didn’t he and his wife go to their pinko socialist commie friends house for dinner and then Justin insulted the hell out of him?


Married, father of twins, sure. But disappointingly, there’s no option on conservativematch for ‘seeking adulterous affair’ or ‘couple sks bi-curious F for play dates,’ or any of that.


Nice job on the profile, Gavin! The random misspellings, unshakeable commitment to Rush, and vintage Victorian lacework collection were all lovely touches.


Don’t pick on Justin, he’s a wounded vet of the Gulf “War”. Or so he claimed when I questioned his non service in this war.


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