An Alan Caruba Segue

From adjacent ‘Warning Signs!’ columns by Alan “Ay!” Caruba, at the National Anxiety Center.


[…] Do you think the 2008 election will change this? Or future elections? Unless we destroy al Qaeda, i.e. the renewed Islamic Jihad, there will be no United States of America in which to hold an election. We have only one choice and it is all war all the time for very long time to come.

The 2008 Elections: Newt vs. Hillary?

There?s a really good profile of Newton Leroy Gingrich, the former Speaker of the House, in the August issue of GQ magazine by Robert Draper. Mind you, I do not usually read GQ because men?s fashions have never been of much interest to me […]

And if Laura Ashley could only make a summer print dress with ammo pockets, then Alan would be right there on the front lines.


Comments: 17


Have we ever seen a picture of him below the neck? Do we know he wears clothes at all?


I found this picture of him in a suit jacket but the key mystery remains: IS HE WEARING ANY PANTS?


Wow, reading his writing really does cause anxiety, doesn’t it?


Now, lessee… How can I make a gay joke out of this:
Mind you, I do not usually read GQ because men?s fashions have never been of much interest to me […]
Hmm. ‘Tis difficult.

Ah, fuck it…
…The Aristocrats!


If I was Alan’s agent I would suggest a surname change to Carnuba or Carumba – something with a little more pizazz. That and wearing pants


So who’s saying transvestites are necessarily gay? That’s a total myth, ya know.


Way to troll for a cheap shot, Gavin. Heh.


Gentlemen…I want to make it very clear that I DO WEAR PANTS!

I tend, however, not to pay any attention to fashion because, at my age, it won’t make any difference. I have in the past worn suits, ties, etc., but always under protest.

If my writings make any of you anxious, that is a good thing. My column is called “Warning Signs” and intended to warn of the many things in the world that can harm your well-being and that of our great nation.


Alan, we need photographic evidence of you wearing pants. Otherwise we’re going to worry ourselves sick over you potential non-pants-wearing nature.


Oh wait I think i found a picture of them:

Nice abs too, nothing to be ashamed of there.


Alan –

I don’t get it. If al-queda are the ones bringing the nukes into the country (or have already done it), then shouldn’t all our soldiers be on the Afghan-Pakistani border where Osama and the al-queda elite are more-or-less known to be?

Shouldn’t we have concentrated our efforts in Afghanistan instead of Iraq? Shouldn’t we be doing so now?

Are Iraqi terrorists smuggling nukes into the U.S.?

George Bush said that he wasn’t concerned about where Osama is, and that it wasn’t important. If 9/11 wasn’t bad enough to make us want to go after him, will nuking a U.S. city make him important enough to go after?

Please Alan, I, like the president, think about Iraq every day. Now I have to think about nukes, too? Citizenin’ is hard work.


Alan –

I almost forgot; where do you come down on the “Who’s Hotter: Marie Jon’ or Kira” issue?

Your insight on this would be especially helpful.


Kira is definitely hotter. She makes me Ayn Randy, if you know what I mean, and I think that you do!


That wasn’t me!


Okay, you lunatics have lured me back. Sorry, I have no photos of me available that demonstrate, once and for all, I do wear pants. You will just have to take my word for it.

As to the vote on Kira vs whoever, I am probably too old to know to whom you are referring. (Please advise) For what it’s worth, I am partial to any of the news-babes on Fox News.

Now to more serious matters. What should we be doing in Iraq? Are there nuclear devices in the US that al Qaeda will explode? Etc. I haven’t a clue to these and other questions. Yes, I am a fulltime pundit, but the one thing one learns in the pundit-biz is that the world is a very complex place and full of unexpected things that happen…after which everyone says, “We should have been prepared! What idiots we have in our FBI or MI5! Why didn’t the President know in advance? Why did the President know in advance and do nothing about it? Blah, blah, blah.

The only thing I can tell you for sure is that Arabs never lose an opportunity to do something stupid or evil. They hate the US, Irael, and all other religions…when they are not hating each other. Islam is basically a warrior cult stuck in the 7th century. Eventually it must either change (ain’t gonna happen) or people will just grow sick of it and convert to something else. Religions do change…check out the Reformation…but the bottom line is always “My God is better than your God.” Vanity, vanity.

Okay, I have to go. Do not abandon hope. Live each day with it. Make your life a happy one.


Alan, Alan, Alan, you don’t know Marie and yet your article is posted on her site ( ).

Also Israel and the US are countries not religions. I know that the wingnut conflation of the concepts of religion and state is pretty thorough but that’s taking it a little far don’t you think?


Okay, let’s clarify. I should not have written “all other” religions thus suggesting the US and Israel are also religions. Even I know that. I meant of course that Islam hates all other religions. But you knew that, didn’t you?

As for “Marie”, I am posted on quite a few websites and know them mostly by the URL names, not the names of the editors. PeoplePolitical is very religiously oriented, but I do not dictate the content. I merely contribute if they ask me too.

Let’s try to be civil and sensible, eh?


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