Ooh, I just knew that this fissile-grade lunacy would soon show up here for its due evisceration– goody goody! My day is now complete, and it’s time to prance off to bed very heterosexually.

Because the Almighty is loving, He does not mince …

Testify!!

But as God once said, and, I think, rightly,

“… men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that … which was meat.”

Wherefore my bowels shall sound like an harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kirharesh.
I have no idea what that means but it sure sounds purdy.

Yeah Jesus hated homos so much he never mentioned them once.

Marie Jon wrote:

Suicide, drugs, and health issues have led many to an early death.

Whew. Sure am glad I’m a hetero and don’t have to deal with those issues! Dodged a bullet there.

Suicide, drugs, and health issues have led many to an early death.

Oh. Now I know why I have depression but am not suicidal. My bisexuality is only making me half-depressed. Thanks, Marie!

Suicide, drugs, and health issues? Damn, and all this time I thought I was straight.

…Ok, I never tried suicide, but I have been depressed. Possibly from denying my true homo sex gender. Now that I know I’m gay, I can go to bible class and become straight again! Thank you, Jesus; and thank you, Marie Jon’!

No.

I can’t read this.

Riddle me this, Batmam; does Ma’rie’ hJonh’ say anything, ANYTHING, new about gay marraige? Blah blah god says it’s bad blah blah one mother one father blah blah think of the children flippity glombo splecht.
I’m so sick of this crap.

Hey rightards, you wanna do something to REALLY protect your vaunted ‘sanctity’ of marriage? Why don’t you work with making divorce illegal. Oh, right, I know why you won’t do that. Humps. Go piss on a rabid dog and die.

If there’s no excuse for being uninformed, why is Marie so fucking willfully ignorant?
Not one of the Bible quotes she lifts actually mentions homosexuality. There’s talk of “vile affections” and such, but the only way you could interpret that as being about homosexuality is if you’re already predisposed to hate gay people.
I’m sick of wingnuts who pull this shit: “The version of God I’ve chosen to believe in supports my bigotry.” Oh, how convenient.
Religious beliefs are much more of a choice than sexual orientation. I mean, if the latter is a choice, why would anyone need to go through years of therapy to “change” it? Except that, most times, it doesn’t change. I can think of no better example than Bennett. He’s a raging queen, and no amount of repression and parading around of his family is gonna change that. It’s not like changing socks or switching majors in college. Sexual orientation just doesn’t work that way. The proof: most straight guys would look at Marie Jon and say, “Well, she’s a vapid, offensive, bigoted asshole…but I’d still do her.” Whereas I am completely unable to overlook this, and would still rather do Seth Rogen.
As for her contention that legalizing gay marriage will lead to discussions of gay sex in elementary school, in what context would that be likely? Can she cite any examples of this in places where gay marriage is legal? The field trip she described was voluntary-parents were informed of it beforehand, and not every student attended it.
Besides which, how does she explain the fact that there are millions of gay people who were never exposed to ANY concept of sexual orientation as children? Myself included-I had to look up “homosexual’ in the dictionary to finally figure it out.
Finally, what makes her think the Bible is the best source for instruction on sexual behavior? There’s an awful lot of kinky, depraved lifestyles in the thing:
Abraham marries his sister Sarah. He allows her to fuck the Pharaoh so he can catch him in an act of adultery. He later fathers a child with a slave, who, since she was in no position to refuse, was probably coerced.
His grandson Jacob married not one, but two of his cousins, Leah and Rachel. He also fucks two slaves (more rape) and winds up fathering 13 kids by the four women he’s screwing. (What a manwhore.)
Lot has sex with his two daughters.
After Tamar’s husband Er dies, his brother Onan is obligated to fuck her to produce a son. The son would be considered Er’s, not Onan’s so he pulled out, failing to impregnate his sister-in-law. For this, Onan is struck down by God. Tamer goes to another city and disguises herself as a prostitute. Her father-in-law, unable to recognize her (for reasons not satisfactorily explained), pays to have sex with her. When she returns home, pregnant, he threatens to kill her, until she proves he’s the father. (The “facts of life” explanation when that kid got older must have been a doozy. )
There are stories of war where entire populations are slaughtered, including babies, but virgin girls are kidnapped to become wives of the soldiers. (More rape)
The only instance in which rape is condemned is in instances where a man rapes a woman engaged to another. The punishment is death by stoning-for BOTH.. If she’s single, the rapist can just buy her from the father.
There’s also a nice love story between David and Jonathan, but most wingnuts tend to overlook that along with the other stories I listed.

Marie Jon’ is also very close to accepting the belief that teh ghey is genetic when she states that they cannot procreate. If it wasn’t genetic, procreation wouldn’t matter one iota.

I know, wingnut + logic = does not compute, divide by zero, stack overflow error. Still one does hold out hope that one day they may actually get a brain, the morans.

Why don’t you work with making divorce illegal.

“Covenant” marriage. You could look it up.

Marie Jon’ is also very close to accepting the belief fact that teh ghey is genetic when she states that they cannot procreate. If it wasn’t genetic, procreation wouldn’t matter one iota.

Fixed.

Um…”where a man rapes a woman engaged to another man.”
Shoulda clarified.
And I apologize for ranting on and on. I don’t usually post comments that long..

I have never seen any proof that Marie Jon’ is a real person. She is a stock photo and a text generator, right? I also love how her “sources” are google searches for what she said, infinite recursion.

Ooh, I missed that one, javafascist. What makes her think gay people can’t procreate? Hasn’t she ever heard of artificial insemination? (Or closing your eyes and thinking of somebody you like?)

“Since homosexuals are unable to procreate, they will increase their population by tampering with children’s minds”. Uh huh… “I’m your wicked Uncle Ernie and I know you won’t see or hear me as I fiddle about, fiddle about…”

What makes her think gay people can’t procreate?

If I had to speculate (and it would be irresponsible not to), I’d bet that she imagines all the ghey sperm are busy swishing about and singing cabaret in drag instead of making their determined manly journey upstream to the egg of destiny and god’s will. And even if a few “normal” boys made it through and got the job done the ghey ones would totally abort the thing or try to recruit it into the lifestyle.

Or she could be just incredibly stupid.

Marie Jon’, I’d like you to meet Dennis Prager…

Yeah Jesus hated homos so much he never mentioned them once.

He had people for that.

that post comes close to the absolute center of a stupid-evil-insane ternary diagram. and dave, oh yes, what a perfect pairing.

is it just me or does anyone else find that apostrophe profoundly irritating?

Oh, the fluidity of identity! And just to think that the seed was planted in my childhood when I watched way too many Eurythmics videos.

I thought it was the cross-dressing Bugs Bunny episodes.

I can’t wait to read Ruppert’s defense of this one.

For the record, Christopher Lowell is straight.

In his words:

From the beginning, Lowell’s goal was to pour on the gaiety: “We started out very over the top because we knew we needed to get the Saturday Night Lives of the world spoofing us.”

If this bimbo’s idea is right, the entire generation of children of the 1960s should have come out stark raving gay. 60s television had Batman and Robin, Gale Gordon, Paul Lynde (and most of the cast of Bewitched), Dr. Smith*, Gomer Pyle….and yet, somehow, even after repeated exposure to this cavalcade of The Geh, most people are still demonstratably straight. Must be something else at work, like biology and a growing acceptance of diversity, and the creation of realitvely safe zones in every major city.
Anyway, no one can blog a person straight; every minute she’s preaching to the caveman’s choir is a minute she’s not out in the real world causing trouble. The Bible also shuns people who eat shellfish–why doesn’t she go picket a Long John Silvers.
*Actually, Jonathan Harris was straight. Who knew.

If tey Gays are so committed to their hedonistic lifestyle, why do they want to get married and adopt children?

I’m sure they can come up with a stupid explanation, but why don’t they?

So I’m giving this “work” only a C minus, for lack of originality and no topicality.

However, she is working up to her potential.

our Creator has plenty to say about their “chosen lifestyle.”

Ummm … not really. Don’t reallyunderstand why the media always cedes this point to the Right too because to be honest, the Bible says very little about homosexuality. But it says a lot about self-important hypocrites like the Renew America crowd.

well, I don’t know, SB, my favorite parts of the Children’s Bible I read in church while the sermon droned on were the colorful descriptions of the leather parades, gay orgies and what-not entertainingly depicted in the detailed drawings….

also, with over 6 billion people in the world, I cannot understand why they are so concerned about procreation.

Jeez, AGAIN with Scandinavia-as-insult.

They’ve got friggin’ CROSSES on their FLAGS. Isn’t that enough for the Xtian semiotic worshipers?

and another thing I forgot, reminded by Caliph: We’re being threatened by the horrible thought of turning into Sweden or Denmark?!?!?

Wow, it’s a veritable homophobia hit-parade. God! Lifestyles! Perverts! Children! There’s even the bonus hit: I Don’t Understand Sexuality, Much Less Bisexuality So This Now Married To A Woman Guy Must Have Been Cured of Teh Ghey!

God from the public arena because our Creator has plenty to say about their “chosen lifestyle.”

Yes, this would the same God who has a LOT more to say about women and how they should behave. I notice this woman’s head isn’t covered and her shoulder is exposed. Where’s my lucky stoning rock?

“If their lifestyle were not by choice, God would not call homosexuality a sin.”

That’s true, if you believe in A)the Bible as the word of God and B)a rational God. For her purposes, that works perfectly well. The problem is that it hinges on faith, and therefore doesn’t have a damn thing to do with public policy. You could justify just about anything through her logic. If slavery was so bad, why did God tell us how to treat our slaves, instead of saying “thou shalt not own slaves”? That is just as valid of an argument as “God says homosexuality is wrong, so it’s wrong”.

And to expand on the “original sin” point already made:

To the woman he said,
“I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing;
with pain you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16)

God’s words, not mine. Apparently we should exert dominance over our womenfolk, as the Good Book says that’s how it is meant to be. If the man wants sex, his “rule” dictates compliance (paging Dennis Prager, as Dave notes above). Even better, God’s will is that women should have pain in childbearing. That would mean that any efforts to ease such pain are immoral. So should male dominance and painful childbearing be guidelines for our lawmaking process? Good luck selling that proposition to the voters. “Because the Bible says so!” just isn’t going to cut it.

“The indoctrination of our children will be presented to the parents as learning the skills to become tolerant of others whose families are different from their own. As the manipulation progresses, little Jeannie and Bobby will be led to believe it’s perfectly fine to grow up and have the choice of falling in love with their own sex and become married to one another.”

This is especially amusing, because much of her argument has to do with the perils of homosexuality as a direct result of public opinion:

“Gays have chosen to live their lives on the periphery of disaster. They have no assurance of themselves. Suicide, drugs, and health issues have led many to an early death.”

Maybe if more people are tolerant, then there wouldn’t be as much “disaster”, huh? It’s a circular argument. “We shouldn’t accept homosexuality because it’s not accepted”. As soon as you tolerate it, then the problems cited are no longer there. It’s the same as “children of interracial couples will be tormented, therefore there should be no interracial couples”.

This is what separates homosexuality from other “sins”. Things like murder, theft, even lying (in many instances) have tangible negative effects on people. Homosexuality does not. Even under the highly questionable argument that AIDS qualifies for this (in which case the problem is too many sexual partners, which acceptance of gay marriage would certainly alleviate), what about lesbians? What possible negative effect could there be, objectively? There simply is none. The entire problem lies in the fact that people are intolerant, nothing more.

As the manipulation progresses, little Jeannie and Bobby will be led to believe it’s perfectly fine to grow up and have the choice of falling in love with their own sex and become married to one another.”

And the problem with that is what, exactly?

Previously, on “Court of Heaven”

Jon’s certainty is amusing, but her notion of Godly Justice definitely deserves the comparison

Fuck off, Marie.

Wow, I was sure I’d get my sense of humor back once the GOP was on the way out. But it’s like flipping on the lights in the kitchen. The roaches are just hiding, and you can still hear them.

Also, doesn’t covenant marriage devalue more common marriages? Seems like a bigger issue than gay marriage. Gay marriage says everybody’s marriage is of equal worth. Covenant marriage says theirs, over there, is better than yours.

noted gaywads

Dibs on this as a band name.

The whole covenant marriage thing is illustrative of their attitude towards morality; it does not exist as a reasoned attitude towards harm, but simply consists of whether something can be legislated.

I know, astonishing as it is, that they think no one would be moral unless they are hemmed by laws and punishments.

They’ve got friggin’ CROSSES on their FLAGS. Isn’t that enough for the Xtian semiotic worshipers?

Consider this stolen…..

Oh look, it likes “quotation marks” a lot. Does it have a “laser” on the “Moon”?

Covenant marriage says theirs, over there, is better than yours.

That’s the point of pretty much everything they do–compensate for inadequacy.

When you’re filled with fear and hatred, everything is a weapon and everyone an enemy.

There is no excuse for being uninformed about the gay lifestyle.

Which is why it’s imperative that we ban teaching anything about it in school.

Bill S: I look a little like Seth Rogan.

😉

“Since homosexuals are unable to procreate, they will increase their population by tampering with children’s mind”

Most gays that I’ve known have children and they got them by the usual means. It’s only a small percentage, about 3% I think, who have never had any intimate experience with the opposite sex at all. Add to that her stupid views on human reproduction. Every single homo comes from hetero parents. So obviously they are to blame.

ahaha. sweden and denmark. how much would it suck to live a life where these instill horror.

Coincidentally, a post over at slacktivist the other day works as a rather nice (althought indirect until the comments section) rebuke of treating homosexuals as filthy outcasts. It’s a little preachy, but his versions of God and Jesus are a lot more likable than anything Ms. Jon’ could imagine.

Serious question: Is she married?

thrillhouse:

who gives a shit? i’m glad that fred at slacktivist is all cool and nice, but his vision of a liberal god and jesus is just as silly and made up as marie’ jon’s. nonsense is nonsense. if the input is stupid and pernicious, don’t be fooled by an okay output. show your work, as my algebra teacher used to say. there is a parallel here to people who say “don’t worry about the whole torture prosecution thing, i love and trust obama and he would never do anything bad”

see what i’m saying?

also,
“Since homosexuals are unable to procreate, they will increase their population by tampering with children’s mind”

i would like a detailed description from marie’ jon of just how this works, with photos if possible! so they go inside children’s…minds, and then the children’s minds become fertile and give birth to teh gay?

oh, i think i get it.

*grumble grumble* There’s nothing wrong with Marie Jon that 50 feet of silk rope, a ball gag and an hour or two with a riding crop wouldn’t fix…

Oops, did I say that, or just think it…?

As one of teh gay, I was wondering if anyone could refer some legal representation my way for my eventual FAIL trial in Heaven Court???

As one of teh gay, I was wondering if anyone could refer some legal representation my way for my eventual FAIL trial in Heaven Court???

Legal advice can be found in this thread.

anyone could refer some legal representation

Hutz: Well, you good folks can rest easy now because you’ve come to the very best in legal representation.

Skinner: Uh, excuse me, is there an Orange Julius stand on this floor?

Hutz: I’ll sell you this one, it’s almost full.

Skinner: Well, why don’t I drink out of a toilet bowl.

Hutz: He’ll be back. And as for your case, don’t you worry. I’ve argued in front of every judge in this state — often as a lawyer. [drinks his Orange Julius]

Some times a stupid homophobe is just a stupid homophobe

As one of teh gay, I was wondering if anyone could refer some legal representation my way for my eventual FAIL trial in Heaven Court???

Nope. Sorry. That’s the beauty of The Court of Heaven. Marie Jon’ and her unbalanced ilk get to watch as God condemns us to eternal torment. That’s why they’re so adamant about repeating the same squawking points over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. It allows them to say they TRIED to do something about teh ghey menace, jest like it sez in the Bible, but they were just too nice to break out the stakes and pitch.

Yeesh. Seriously, I know she’s attractive but I’d rather stick Mr. Angry Militant in a food processor.

“indoctrination … presented … as learning the skills to become tolerant of others whose families are different from their own”

Slippery slope. Next thing you know our kids will tolerate Muslims, homeless people, United Auto Workers…

All this seeming reverence for Nature, but they wouldn’t piss in Nature’s mouth if its guts were on fire. If only they could drum up similar feelings of devotion for, you know, all of nature.

Heavens to murgatroyds, she may as well wave a big sign around that says “CLOSET CASE” … it’s sorta creepy how often the worst homophobes are the folks who lust after Teh Gheyism the most … so can’t we all just pitch in on a hotel room, a vibrating glow-in-the-dark Ayn-Rand-Statuette strap-on & a willing vanilla-dyke & let the poor frantic creature get it out of her system once & for all?

Old photo is old.
Not to mention very likely shooped … I have a sneaking suspicion that apostrophe-dropper is by now rather more reminiscent of Amy Winehouse than Jessica Alba.

rather more reminiscent of Amy Winehouse
You say that like it’s a bad thing.

When pressed, I often find people who use phrases like “the meaning of marriage” unable to adequately explain what that is. Or able to withstand direct questioning as to what it entails.

This bit of stupid is an old, recycled and regurgitated bit of stupid. Nostalgia-grade stupid, if you will. Because, in case she hasn’t noticed, same-sex marriage is, in fact, legal in certain parts of our country and, indeed, the world.

Did she barf up this column from 1998?

Wherefore my bowels shall sound like an harp for Moab

They, uh, have drugs for that now, Smut Clyde.

thrillhouse:

who gives a shit? i’m glad that fred at slacktivist is all cool and nice, but his vision of a liberal god and jesus is just as silly and made up as marie’ jon’s.

Well, given how much of this country continues to cling to such delusions, I for one find it vaguely reassuring that not all religious people share the derangements of J’on J’onzz. The liberalization of religious thought is often a step towards its widespread abandonment, as seemed to be the case in… SWEDEN! Oh, good grief, we really are on a slippery slope to Nordic Hell.

There is no excuse for being uninformed about the gay lifestyle.

Dear Penthouse: I never thought that this would happen to me, but this one time after basketball practice, I was taking a shower when the hot point guard came in and asked if I wanted her to wash my back…

*After.

> Marie Jon’, I’d like you to meet Dennis Prager…

I suspect an awful lot of wingnut/muttjob/whackjob sperm, including Praghorn’s, has already met pictures of Marie.

I notice this woman’s head isn’t covered and her shoulder is exposed. Where’s my lucky stoning rock?

I’ll bet she even gets to sit inside the church while she’s menstruating, the hussy.

Homos, Lovers, Marie
I used to have a copy of “Killers, Angels, Refugees” but buggered if I can remember whom I lent it to.

When I find Marie Jon laying a spread of homo butt-hump hate, I pray to gawd for rainbows to shoot out of her ass for the rest of her life. Does that make me the ghey?

The Rainbow Batman Is Familiar With All Penthouse Forum Traditions*
The Encyclopedia Dramatica page omits the crucial fact that van der Leun is not only familiar with all Penthouse Forum traditions, he was in fact the originator of many of them.

Riddle me this, Batmam; does Ma’rie’ hJonh’ say anything, ANYTHING, new about gay marraige?

The post is more cliche-ridden than usual. According to Teh Great Gazoogle:
Results 1 – 10 of about 171 for “remove God from the public arena”. (0.28 seconds)
Personally I am all in favour of leaving God in the public arena, but finding some decent opposition to put up against him. Thor, for instance.

“Since homosexuals are unable to procreate, they will increase their population by tampering with children’s minds”.

As soon as Obama ends the war on science, those ee-vill librul scientists gonna finish work on teh gay ray.

O/T, but Ace comments on Kathy Griffin’s off-color and hilarious exchange with a heckler onstage with Anderson Cooper when she thought they were at commercial. Now, this gem…

‘I guess there’s some angle here about the old double-standard — liberals can go to the old “homophobic” anti-heckler stuff like this without any fear of being criticized, whereas if I note that Gleen Grenwald has had more cock in and out of him than a Tyson Chicken Regional Distribution Center, I’m called a “hater.”‘

http://minx.cc/?post=280480

Hey Ace, that’s because she was smacking down some dirtbag like you who was talking shit, you ugly little bugfuck. It’s the tits that people like Kathy can eviserate the brittle masculinity of ‘haters’ like Ace.

Personally I am all in favour of leaving God in the public arena, but finding some decent opposition to put up against him. Thor, for instance.

God never really recovered from losing that title bout to Nietzche. even Time Magazine ran him to a draw.

This bit of stupid is an old, recycled and regurgitated bit of stupid. Nostalgia-grade stupid, if you will.

Especially since her piece is lifted directly from wailing and gnashing of teeth over desegregation, marriage between different races, allowing women to vote, letting the damn Irish/Italian/Polish/Chinese into the country or any of the 9 million things that WILL REDUCE AMERICA TO A SMOKING RUIN! But so far, hasn’t.

interesting to see how this is covered in international news…

Check out the Global Pulse Video: http://www.linktv.org/video/3438

I’m an intern with Link TV, the nonprofit that produces Global Pulse. Interesting to see how the rest of the world is reporting on the news.

Do we have to pay attention to her, if she can’t prove she has been properly ritually purified since her last menstruation?

Does Marie Jon’ not realize that by flagrantly flaunting her apostrophe abuse, she is perpetuating the use of a punctuation mark that is mostly frequently used to denote the genitive case? And as all good Christians know, “genitive” is just 3 letters removed from “genitals,” which only pree-verts are interested in.

It might as well be called a “gaypostrophe.” Tsk.

When conservatives say things like “Homophobia, what a silly word! I’m certainly not scared of them!”, they should be reminded of the people who say things like “It’ll be the end of society, the gays are coming for our children, Christian morality will be outlawed, straight marriage will be banned!” as this Marie person does. Tell me that’s not fear.

When pressed, I often find people who use phrases like “the meaning of marriage” unable to adequately explain what that is.

When pressed, I often squeak.

I’m so sorry, I just had an irresistable urge to say that. I’m so embarrassed. Where can I put my face?

When pressed, I am likely to recycle my breakfast on your trousers.

When pressed, *I* am likely to knee the presser in the nuts.

Just sayin’.

At first I thought you had made a mistake and accidentally put your commentary in the blue boxes, and thought it was the funniest post ever. Shocking. A tsunami of self-parody, even beyond your mighty powers. A rare and fascinating specimen.

Roberto Verde sez: who gives a shit? i’m glad that fred at slacktivist is all cool and nice, but his vision of a liberal god and jesus is just as silly and made up as marie’ jon’s. nonsense is nonsense.

Don’t be a Dick, Bob. Fred is not just ‘cool and nice,’ he’s an excellent writer with very well-thought-out, progressive views which he supports with logic and an unparalleled (in blog land) grasp of the liberal nature of the gospel. His years-long, chapter-by-chapter takedown of Left Behind is some of the funniest, cogent literary criticism I have ever read. We could use more people like Fred. So, please, STFU.

When pressed, I wine.

‘I guess there’s some angle here about the old double-standard — liberals can go to the old “homophobic” anti-heckler stuff like this without any fear of being criticized, whereas if I note that Gleen Grenwald has had more cock in and out of him than a Tyson Chicken Regional Distribution Center, I’m called a “hater.”‘

This retort should come in handy when “Gleen Grenwald” starts attending televised events and heckling people on stage.