Dan The Magic Homo
Since the rest of the Sadly, No! office staff is apparently off on some tequila-lime-meth bender and likely won’t be back for some days, it has devolved upon to me to keep this place open — and without much time during the day to do it. So let’s go looking for easy targets of ridicule. Hmmm. Who first pops to mind? Who else? The Gaytriots, two gay guys whose mission in life seems to be to convince straight Republicans that there are gays who enjoy being wedge issues and second-class citizens as long as they are protected from the evil Mooslims, the Kennedy clan, abortion clinics, and higher taxes.
In his latest post, Dan — the “GayPatriotWest” — engages in major handwringing over the purchase of a $43 DVD player, but, having made the splurge, is now convinced that he has the bestest technology ever to play his old Bette Davis movies. (If I made that up, I’d be accused of perpetrating a bigoted stereotype. In this gay household, we went BluRay in order to watch movies with lots of car chases and explosions in high definition.)
But we hit pay dirt with Dan’s next post: “GayPatriot LA Outing to El Coyote” That’s right. Dan has just torn out his last quarter-ounce of self-respect, beaten it to death with a pair of spiked high heels, and left it out front for pickup in a trash bag already containing his dignity and his last 15 I.Q. points. For those of you who just got back from two months in a cave in Afghanistan, El Coyote is a popular L.A. restaurant where a member of its board of directors made a contribution in support of Proposition 8 which made gay marriage illegal in California. This led to an outcry (and a boycott) from the restaurant’s substantial gay clientele.
We need make clear that all gay people do not completely politicize their lives as have these angry activists.
Please e-mail me to let me know whether you prefer we do this for dinner on New Year’s Day or next Sunday, January 4.
Oh, and to encourage business, once we set the date, I’m buying margaritas for the first five people to show up!
And, hence, the “Magic Homo” reference. Poor Dan is the gay man who shows up to assuage straight guilt, to convince straight people that it’s okay to treat him differently because, after all, he’s always got his collection of Bette Davis movies to fall back on. Every sty has, it seems, the pig that writes a letter of apology to Oscar Mayer for not being quite plump enough.
Oh, and about that trip to El Coyote, it would be wrong, just wrong for anyone from here to go. Instead, just remember to continue ratfucking the Gaytriots’ Très Très Très Très Fabulously Grandissimo blOgress Divinely Delicious Diva 20009 contest by voting for Pam Geller, who seems to be having a meltdown right now that there are still women and children left alive in the Gaza Strip. Pam has almost three thousand votes, effectively stealing the tiara from Tammy Bruce who might well have won but for our efforts. Tammy should really demand that Pam, like Kathy Shaidle, be disqualified because of all the votes she has received from all us gay abortionists.
The Gaytriots, two gay guys whose mission in life seems to be to convince straight Republicans that there are gays who enjoy being wedge issues and second-class citizens as long as they are protected from the evil Mooslims, the Kennedy clan, abortion clinics, and higher taxes.
In the spirit of the Old South’n Plantation mentality, might I suggest “House Homos”?
By the way, how poor and Ludditic does a man have to be to wring his hands over a $43 DVD player in 2008/9?
I mean, come ON! I bought a digital camera for twice that for one trip, and didn’t give it a second thought!
For every hand that holds a whip, a pair of lips to kiss it…
how poor and Ludditic does a man have to be to wring his hands over a $43 DVD player in 2008/9
Wingnut welfare has dried up a bit since Obama was crowned and the economy went in to the shitter.
Wingnut welfare has dried up a bit since Obama was crowned and the economy went in to the shitter.
Well, maybe he can reach into his garter and pull out some of his mad money…
I’m guessing the “boycott bust” will be a, well, bust. After all, outside the 2700+ votes Pammy the Juggernaut got, the total votes in the Blogress poll are less than 1400 (and Pharyngula must account for some of them). And this is after multiple days of voting so many (most?) of the votes are from the same individuals. So one would be stretching it (so to speak) to say teh Gay Patriots are widely read.
Besides, if one has to wring one’s hands over a $43 DVD player, one’s economic clout is, probably, somewhat limited.
But hey, they’re getting support from self-loathing gays in Philly so maybe I’m all wet.
Gays worried about abortion clinics is especially rich.
Having partaken of ‘ritas at El Coyote in the high and far-off times, I can attest: they ain’t all that. I know of three dives in Echo Park (circa 1998) that were immeasurably better.
Because going out of your way to patronize a bar for its recent political stances is in no way politicizing your life.
Gays worried about abortion clinics is especially rich.
Less so, however, than life long celibates worried about them.
Please e-mail me to let me know whether you prefer we do this for dinner on New Year’s Day
Because LOTS of people will be eating out after spending much of the night before getting really drunk and staying up really late…this says a lot more about Dan’s social life than his ambitions.
Funny how conservatives have no problem making the lives of gays a political issue, though.
Thanks Dan, we really want you countering with a rampant display of the total douche nozzle branch of the tribe!
I suspect he won’t need to break a twenty.
Is it wrong to hope they get chased out by the owner? Oh well. I’m still scratching my head over their nom for best LGBT blog.
“Less [rich], however, than life long celibates worried about [abortions].”
Dr. Dick, who could you be talking about? Hmm…celibates…that leaves out the Catholic clergy…
Oh! K-Lo?
Is it wrong to hope they get chased out by the owner?
If it is, I don’t want to be right.
I suspect they’ll get around that the same way they get around being around other homophobes – stay in the closet and use foot-tapping signals to communicate.
We need make clear that all gay people do not completely politicize their lives as have these angry activists.
In addition to making up ridiculous stupid words (blogress), these two also delight in writing shitty English.
Some day I’ll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
$43? Shit, that’s an eighth of serious chronic and a pack of rolling papers where I’m from.
Why won’t Pam Gellar launch a mercy mission from God and turn this poor lad straight with a night of steamy Pammy-Cake loving?
Jesus will weep if she doesn’t.
-GSD
Why won’t Pam Gellar launch a mercy mission from God and turn this poor lad straight with a night of steamy Pammy-Cake loving?
Mmmmmmmmmm, just the thought of a night of looking down at Pam as she studies the ceiling tiles behind me and whines is enough to turn me gay.
If a key component of your political strategy is to patronize businesses that that support your oppression because some other people that you don’t like don’t like that business, then … POLYTIX UR DOIN IT WRONG.
Four mistakes in one sentence. Please come see the teacher after class, Danny.
I keep thinking of the old Star-Kist tuna commercials, where Charlie the Tuna was begging the fisherman to hook him and turn him into a canned meat delight in fresh spring water. He was always sooooo disappointed when they lowered the hook with “Sorry, Charlie” hanging from a sign on it. Except we have to flip the script:
“But Dan, the GOP doesn’t want gays that taste good, they want gays with GOOD TASTE!”
(Good enough taste not to frighten the horses with their limp-wristed mincing and asking for their silly “human rights” and all… What do they think they are? Human?)
Judas: Misunderstood Free-Market Advocate?
GSD, that’s evil. Excuse me while I go scrub my brain with naphtha and phosgene.
I guess the Authoritarian Conservative Wingnut psychology can exist in the same people who are victims of it. Dan realizes that the Repugs don’t really mind Homos or Blacks or Feminists, its just a tool they use to advance their “Righteous Cause” (hey I made a pun!). He knows, or thinks he knows, that when Minority X are rounded up and placed in those concentration camps Haliburton built, HE won’t be one of them.
Jesus will puke up his sandals if she does.
Hostess: El Coyote, may I help you?
Gay Patriot: Hello, I’d like to make a reservation for New Year’s Eve at 8:00.
Hostess: Yessir, how many will be in your party?
GP: I’m not sure, it might just be a few people but it might be hundreds.
Hostess: I’m sorry sir but I need to know how many tables to reserve. It’s a very busy night.
GP: Well, I invited anyone who’s gay to show up, so I’m not sure. Couldn’t we just push a few tables together when we show up?
Hostess: …
GP: Hello?
Owner: Hello? This is the owner.
GP: Excellent! My name is Gay Patriot and I want to show my support for your establishment by inviting all my gay friends to show up at your restaurant. We all think your rights to be gay-free are much more important that our rights to be gay.
Owner: Thanks, boy.
GP: So can I reserve a few tables for New Yera’s Eve?
Owner: We don’t like to serve your kind, so no.
GP: Bless your heart. I will fight to the death for your right to deny me service.
Owner: Get lost, @#$%^.
GP: I love you. ::sniff::
Yeah, that one worked real well for Ernst Roehm,
Shorter Gay Patriot:
Look at me! Look at me! LOOK AT ME!!!!!!
Susan of Texas said,
December 30, 2008 at 19:15
Brava!
I see the casting as James Franco as GayPatriot, Toni Collette as The Waitress, and Cheech Marin as the Owner.
Let’s see now, first it was Chickens for KFC, then a Butterball turkey and now an Oscar Mayer pic. Ignoring the fact that I somehow recalled those points, what’s the next comparision you have in store?
In addition to making up ridiculous stupid words (blogress), these two also delight in writing shitty English.
Didn’t Dan want to be a professional writer? Sounds like that hasn’t amounted to much.
So let’s go looking for easy targets of ridicule.
In this case, would that be the low-hanging Fruit?
Re: the Charlie the Tuna insanity, there’s a blog about the animal mascots for meat companies. Written by a somewhat preachy vegan, but has some good examples of the form.
It comes to mind every time I read about Log Cabin repubs and other appeasers.
It comes to mind every time I read about Log Cabin repubs and other appeasers.
They make a fine syrup, tho.
Dude, it only exists in the people who are victims of it.
Internalised homophobia is a brutal thing. It’s a wonder he even managed to make his way out of the closet. I don’t doubt that he likes to slip back in there from time to time, to smell the comforting mildew and wrap himself in old roll-necks.
Anyway, California’s far too far away for me, even to go to a restaurant that’s awesome. Certainly too far to go to one that’s apparently completely unremarkable.
Considering the Gay Patriot’s Blogress poll, I can’t help but think: What would it mean to get LAST place in that poll? Would you be worst of the worst or least worst? The mind reels.
I can’t find much of anything on the web declaring the boycott over, but the person who donated to Yes on 8 resigned and is no longer with the restaurant. I’m assuming that the boycott is de facto over, and members of the GLBT community will be flocking back to the restaurant in coming days. How does Dan propose to distinguish his patronage of the restaurant as a protest of the boycott from the renewed patronage by people who are returning due to the success of the boycott?
How does Dan propose to distinguish his patronage of the restaurant as a protest of the boycott …?
He could hold up a sign saying “Take my rights – please!”
How does Dan propose to distinguish his patronage of the restaurant as a protest of the boycott from the renewed patronage by people who are returning due to the success of the boycott?
And now you see the genius in his madness !!!11!!!
(BTW- I was looking for something about Pammy and The Great Gazoogle led me back to one of Mikey’s finest verses.)
I’ll bet that round will cost more than the $43 he spent on the DVD player.
Change of Plans, Everyone
I have just learned that the board member at El Coyote who donated for supporting Proposition 8 have resigned and the homo extremist have ended they’re boycott.
I have, so, decided to host the outing at the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels.
Instead of margaritas drinks will be communion wine, and I’ll say the first five peoples Hail Marys.
The Great Gazoogle led me back to one of Mikey’s finest verses.
That one is a gem, and the followup by Leonard Pierce is no slouch.
Bet that round costs more than what he spent on the DVD player.
Wow, Clif, I didn’t realize S,N! was such a model of diversity!
Lessee, you got a gay (Clif), a woman (Jillian), two goobs (Brad, Gavin) and a mental cripple (Joshua McMenken Retardo). James Watt would be proud!
Every sty has, it seems, the pig that writes a letter of apology to Oscar Mayer for not being quite plump enough.
Shit, that’s a great line.
“How does Dan propose to distinguish his patronage of the restaurant as a protest of the boycott from the renewed patronage by people who are returning due to the success of the boycott?”
Easy — “Wow!! The restaurant was just packed. That means my anti-boycott was a success! We win!!11001101!!
See, this is the thing that drives me fucking nuts about the wingnut behavior. In the same whinging bullshit about the liberal/left-wing “politicizing” things, they engage in a complete politicization of their lives to show how different they are.
Fucking projecting toolbags.
Win.
Any chance there’s an overlapping set of men who are Gay Patsies and also are “gay men who don’t like to have sex with men”?
You’re thinking it’s the muslim’s fault
You get the money in your bedroom vault
You say you’re coming home but you won’t say when
The heat is getting hotter
And hell, your dad’s got another daughter
And anyplace you go there’ll still be men
Sort of like this.
And Susan of Texas wins the internons.
Again.
“If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom — go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen!” — Sam Adams**
*No, really.
**Yes, that one.
Seriously. I’m just waiting for it to turn out that GPW is actually double-gay, which is where God hates you if you have sex with women but you do it anyway.
Maybe they’ll put on some Radical Queer masks and half-heartedly assault a man in a trucker hat. Hell, maybe he’ll get lucky and there’ll be a child: you can’t spell “patriotism” without “pogrom”, after all.
Sort of like this.
That one is on Suicide Food somewhere – IIRC it was the first to be awarded the 5-noose rating.
Seriously. I’m just waiting for it to turn out that GPW is actually double-gay, which is where God hates you if you have sex with women but you do it anyway.
You mean he’s an early Paulite Christian? Can’t say I’m totally surprised.
How does Dan propose to distinguish his patronage of the restaurant as a protest of the boycott from the renewed patronage by people who are returning due to the success of the boycott?
He’s bringing a bar of soap to drop.
Instead of margaritas drinks will be communion wine, and I’ll say the first five peoples Hail Marys.
Jesus still won’t forgive you, in the eyes of your fellow Republicans.
Oh, crikey. It just keeps going. You’re right. They are annoying.
Jesus still won’t forgive you
Yeah, for that I think you have to buy indulgences.
Trotsky,
Well, Revelations does say that the chosen 144,000 who get into heaven will be those “who have not defiled themselves with women” (14:4).
I think the original Greek specifies no pegging.
Bubba,
Oh, you’re no fun anymore.
(I cut it off before the “for they are virgins” bit.)
I’m buying margaritas for the first five people to show up!
Two words: DUI checkpoint.
(or is that one acronym and one word? or is it really five words?)
But anyway: DUI checkpoint.
Well, Revelations does say that the chosen 144,000 who get into heaven will be those “who have not defiled themselves with women” (14:4).
Plus, they can only come from the Twelve Tribes, so screw you, Christians!
Well, Revelations does say that the chosen 144,000 who get into heaven will be those “who have not defiled themselves with women” (14:4).
I’m in, baby!
The whereabouts of my car keys confirms that I am of the Lost Tribe.
The whereabouts of my car keys confirms that I am of the Lost Tribe.
Sorry, Disney bought the rights to that for their higly overrated prime time TV show.
(I cut it off before the “for they are virgins” bit.)
Did it offend thee?
I’d add a joke about eunuchs and “root” but I’m just not up to it.
I’d add a joke about eunuchs and “root” but I’m just not up to it.
I’ll give you the password, but it will cost you your manhood.
Stiffen up, tigrismus. I’m sure you’ll soon be swinging. It’ll come.
I never once “defiled myself with women”. I enjoyed every minute of it.
Uh oh.
This is seriously messin with my stereotypes.
See, I always thought that the gay guys knew where the GOOD restaurants were. So all these years, I’ve been asking cab drivers where the hookers were, Limo Drivers where to buy dope and gay guys where to eat.
Now my entire worldview is all topsey turvey….
mikey
# sudo ln -f /dev/null /dev/eth0
I’ll give you the password, but it will cost you your manhood.
Stand and deliver, eh? Alas, “manhood” is one thing that I can never tender.
Alas, “manhood” is one thing that I can never tender.
Awwwwww snap!
…That was an “aw snap” moment, right?
Maybe it’s the season of goodwill talking, but I think I now officially pity GPW.
Unless he just has a contrarian fetish, in which case, feh. There’s a time to argue the opposite side, but it’s not when it’s stabbing you in the back.
Well, Revelations does say that the chosen 144,000 who get into heaven will be those “who have not defiled themselves with women” (14:4).
Female sheep aren’t “women”, right?
Female sheep aren’t “women”, right?
You’re safe, so long as you don’t have a closet full of guns, RIM.
Good news. Part II of Dennis the Douche’s series on the evils of jerking off is out today:
You’re safe, so long as you don’t have a closet full of guns, RIM.
(whew!) No, no closet, but my basement lair is pretty loaded with ’em.
Good news. Part II of Dennis the Douche’s series on the evils of jerking off is out today:
Be in the Mood [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
Dennis Prager is in the midst of a series on the importance of marital bliss.
Ummm……..you mean marital bliss ISN’T jerking off?
Female sheep aren’t “women”, right?
That’s easy for ewe to say.
Ummm……..you mean marital bliss ISN’T jerking off?
Touche’! But according to Dennis, all of us jerkoffs are going to hell.
That’s easy for ewe to say.
Just had to ram that in.
Part II of Dennis the Douche’s series on the evils of jerking off is out today:
So let me get this straight: masturbation is the equivalent of rape?
No, no closet, but my basement lair is pretty loaded with ‘em.
This one might need a lawyer, but I think you’re OK.
Lopez isn’t normal, even for a Catholic-raised woman. She is so mindlessly obescience to men authorities that I’ve got to wonder why she has no boundaries regarding men. She will agree with whatever they think is appropriate for her to do with her body. That’s usually a sign of sexual abuse, not political enthusiasm, and it’s really creeping me out.
She is so mindlessly obescience to men authorities that I’ve got to wonder why she has no boundaries regarding men.
She doesn’t.
Fortunately, no man would ever even begin to THINK about tapping that.
I’ve been asking cab drivers where the hookers were, Limo Drivers where to buy dope and gay guys where to eat.
Which reminds me of the old proverb:
For children, a woman.
For pleasure, a boy.
But for sheer ecstasy, a melon.
Silly Dennis. Sex is for procreation only, and should never be enjoyed by anyone.
Try some AbstinenceOnly™.
Fortunately, no man would ever even begin to THINK about tapping that.
See, this is cheating. It’s one of those statements that, while factually accurate, is so meaningless as to be functionally false.
When you sleep with a woman that looks like K-Lo, the very LAST thing you are doing is THINKING. Typically, you stopped thinking a few hours to a day and a half earlier.
And any dood who tells you he hasn’t had sex with all manner of creatures, some of whom make Katherine look positively attractive by comparison, well, that dood clearly is not conversant with the concept of recreational chemistry…
mikey
Please don’t bring up the creatures again.
When you sleep with a woman that looks like K-Lo, the very LAST thing you are doing is THINKING.
Shhhhhhhhhh, Mikey…how else do you think I manage to keep a girlfriend for any length of time?
“Her? I wouldn’t THINK of sleeping with her, dear!”
Hey, creatures need a little lovin too…
mikey
No more wockets in my pockets thanks.
So let me get this straight: masturbation is the equivalent of rape?
Hey, no means no even if you try to convince yourself your eyes are saying yes.
And any dood who tells you he hasn’t had sex with all manner of creatures, some of whom make Katherine look positively attractive by comparison, well, that dood clearly is not conversant with the concept of recreational chemistry…
Not just creatures!
More from Prager’s 7th Grade Journal”
This guy was obviously a virgin until his Sixth Wedding Anniversary!
And any dood who tells you he hasn’t had sex with all manner of creatures, some of whom make Katherine look positively attractive by comparison, well, that dood clearly is not conversant with the concept of recreational chemistry…
Yes, well, I had to give that up long ago as I no longer have any arms to gnaw off.
The best solution to the problem of a wife not being in the mood is so simple …,That solution is for a wife who loves her husband — if she doesn’t love him, mood is not the problem — to be guided by her mind, not her mood, in deciding whether to deny her husband sex.
It’s interesting how Prager only fields this issue from the male persepctive, and assumes that the women is completely subservient to his needs.
Actually, not that interesting, come to think of it.
I keep envisioning Prager in a prison cell, trying to explain to the boys how he really doesn’t feel like having sex with them tonight…
mikey
I keep envisioning Prager in a prison cell, trying to explain to the boys how he really doesn’t feel like having sex with them tonight…
A lovely and delightful vision I must say. I think I will use it to replace the old “sugar plums dancing in my head”. Have to watch my weight don’t you know.
I never once “defiled myself with women”. I enjoyed every minute of it.
Wait, what counts as “defiling”? Does it involve tongues?
I keep envisioning Prager in a prison cell, trying to explain to the boys how he really doesn’t feel like having sex with them tonight…
Shawshank Redemption! THAT’S where I’ve seen Prager before! He was the fat little piggie fresh meat!
Wait, what counts as “defiling”?
Defiling, detyping, de steno…you know, women’s work!
*ducking*
What’s in this for him? Honestly, the promise of a few more bucks from his masters?
What a chump.
gee thanks Dennis now I go whack off into a bowling ball?
I like the Clownhall headline that Blago defise the Senate. here but maybe one of them will get to a dictionary.
Is defising like being defiled?
El Coyote is probably the most inexplicably popular restaurant in Los Angeles. The food is mushy and mediocre and the margaritas leave quite a bit to be desired. This town is full of awesome Mexican joints, yet for some reason El Coyote is always packed, so much so that there is often a traffic jam for several blocks west of Beverly and Fuller because of punters waiting to valet park there. I just don’t get it.
Little bit of El Coyote trivia: Sharon Tate had her last meal there.
Little bit of El Coyote trivia: Sharon Tate had her last meal there.
She blew Jay Sebring there?
For children, a woman.
For pleasure, a boy.
But for sheer ecstasy, a melon.
There’s a great side plot in Cormac MacCarthy’s Suttree about this that leads to the line:
“They had to let me go ’cause they charged me with bestiality and a watermelon ain’t no beast.”
My favorite part of Dr. Fred Flintstone’s “theory”.
Sex, taking out the trash, making the kids breakfast, going to work – all things are equal in DenDen’s World.
Of course, most women never regard it as hypocritical and rightly regard it as admirable when they meet their child’s or parent’s or friend’s needs when they are not in the mood to do so. They do what is right in those cases, rather than what their mood dictates. Why not apply this attitude to sex with one’s husband?
Errrrrrrrr, because taking the kid to swim practice doesn’t involve inexpertly and clumsily jabbing things into places you really didn’t want them to be in in the first place?
because there has never been a situation where a ladyperson was in the mood and a dude wasn’t. never. ever. in the history of the world. dennis prager is teh bestest.
Well, duh! Getting your panties in a twist over “Happy Holidays” is in no way being politically correct!
Just as showing any interest in supporting conservative issues is in no way politicizing your life.
(I don’t begrudge the conservatives their double standards, just as I don’t begrudge them any of their logical fallacies, their sophistries and their oh so tortured rationalizations. After all, take their dishonest tactics away, and look at how little they have left. But I think they should be a little less defensive and snitty when the lefties call them on it. The mainstream media never seem to notice, so what’s the big deal with a tiny bit of legitimate criticism from the lefty blogoshpere? If they were sincere, they could use our critiques to come up with better talking points and – oh. I think I see the problem.)
Jesus, why is it the wife’s job to get herself in the mood or copulate regardless of mood? Shorter Prager: What-play?
inexpertly and clumsily jabbing things…
ENTHUSIASTICALLY!
Don’t forget enthusiastically….
mikey
Lay down and spread ’em…NOW!
In other words, it felt good to me. FUCK YOU!
Lemme get this straight: One of the owners of the restaurant is a homophobic beyotch. So Mr Log Cabin here decides that’s where he should throw a party with all his gay pals.
Dammit it doesn’t make any sense!
“I wanna fuck” is a code now?
A code *higher* than one’s feelings, at that?
Now, admittedly, I’m not the most proficient at sexual odds and ends here, but, I’m pretty sure the desire *to* fuck is considered to be a lower, base, feeling. In which case, the desire to *not* fuck is in fact, if we take the fucking standard (read that as a complete phrase) the conservatives yell at us every chance they get, a higher code of living.
In other words, Dennis, not fucking = higher code, fucking = one’s feeling.
In other other words, shut the fuck up, Prager.
Shorter Prager: What-play?
Win.
sarah,
Of course not. Dennis knows you wimmins don’t have any desire for any kind of pleasure ever and therefore don’t have any sex drive. Not wanting to be used as a Kleenex for a man to jerk off into is just a sign of laziness. And obviously us Real MenTM have nearly uncontrollable libidos and it takes heroic restraint not to fuck everything with an appropriately gauged hole. Otherwise we wouldn’t be Real MenTM.
Wait, what counts as “defiling”? Does it involve tongues?
Giving a woman pleasure as anything but an unfortunate consequence of impregnating her? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s defiling.
Defiling, detyping, de steno…you know, women’s work!
*kills bottle* *collapses on desk*
inexpertly and clumsily jabbing things…
ENTHUSIASTICALLY!
Don’t forget enthusiastically….
“Yea baby, yea, feels good doesn’t it? Who’s your daddy? WHO’S YOUR DADDY!?”
In Prager’s world, the men protect the wife and make the money and the wives spend it. Therefore the man can never refuse to give his wife money or refuse to protect her. It’s his duty and obligation. So if she tells him to beat up someone who insulted her or hit on her, he would be obligated to do it. If she wanted money he would have to hand it over, even if he didn’t want to. If she decided to sign him up to fight in Iraq he can’t say no becasue it’s his duty.
Dammit it doesn’t make any sense!
Hi and welcome to conservative America!
Can anyone tell me why the fuck WordPress properly displays all sorts of HTML tags in preview, then strips them out when you post?
Therefore the man can never refuse to give his wife money
Except in alimony and child support, but then i guess she wouldn’t be the wife any more.
WordPress plays stripping games all day long and nobody obliges. Except mikey.
“What’s in this for him? Honestly, the promise of a few more bucks from his masters?”
No, it’s simpler than that. The only people they hate more than leftists are gay leftists, because gay leftists care more about the rights of transsexual Palestinian abortionists than about the imminent invasion of West Hollywood by AK-47-wielding Islamists. Or something.
It’s consistent with the central organizing principle of modern-day right-wing activism: the only measure of an initiative’s worthiness is the extent to which it pisses off Teh Left™. Nothing else matters. At all. Ever.
But what GP conveniently forgets is that no one outside his own tiny blog readership is likely to give a shit.
(I guess that wasn’t really “simpler” at all, wuzzit?)
Dammit.
Does Bubba have a camera in my living room?
Uh, next to the one from the State Task Force? And, um, the Homeland Security cam? And that one that seems to be tied to an IP in Bulgaria?
Startin to creep me and the monkey out…
mikey
… the rest of the Sadly, No! office staff is apparently off on some tequila-lime-meth bender …
And did they leave any for us???
Of course not.
Hrmph.
WordPress plays stripping games all day long
So WordPress is a stripper and posting is like stuffing dollar bills in its G-string? That explains a lot. Like why these keep showing up on my screen when I post.
Startin to creep me and the monkey out…
Are you sure? It looks more like a bonobo from here–
Oops.
Could be, I suppose.
All I know for sure is that it dresses nicer than I do, and brachiates…
mikey
Frankly, you lucked out with the Bulgarians.
It’s the IPs from Minsk that are trouble, all identity theft and computer viruses that generate fake photographs of you blowing the Prime Minister of Russia, and erase the real photographs of you blowing the Prime Minister of Russia.
Reminder that Dennis Prager is divorced.
Twice.
Reminder that Dennis Prager is divorced. Twice.
Piker. He’s not even really trying. I have him beat and I never even raped any of my wives.
It looks more like a bonobo from here–
No, I think that’s mikey. I’m pretty sure the monkey is the one on the right. What I want to know is what Vladimir Putin is doing there.
Wow. a half hour later, and I’m laughing hysterically. Thank you, whoever posted that link to Suicide Food. That site is funny!
I don’t care that they’re mad vegans, they are funny dudes.
And who is this ‘Sir William’ he is speaking of?
Why does it not surprise me that Prager has no idea whatsoever that the arousal factor of the female might have something to do with sexual act?
I look forward to the posts about lint and grommets.
Now, before we jump on Obama for every perceived misstep (such as Rick Warren), let’s not forget the mistakes made by John F. Kennedy and to give the new president a chance to learn from his own inevitable failures.
We need make clear that all gay people do not completely politicize their lives as have these angry activists.
Yes, and to do that, I am going to organize a sit-in!
Another Kiwi,
You have audio? How do I activate that on the streaming mikey-cam?
Not worth it for the streaming mikey-cam: only receives use a few times a day.
Hokay, from now on I’m going out on the deck to pick my nose…
mikey
Please don’t dislodge the nosecam.
RyRy Cooter, are you not in the Mikeywatch group. Admittedly it is NSFW in megaton dimensions and one has to replace the monitor several times a year, but the tequila, shroom, meth bender weekends have to be seen to be believed.
(mucho apologies to Mikey from a newby, me. I think you can take a joke).
That explains a lot. Like why these keep showing up on my screen when I post.
Wow – I haven’t seen ASCII art in forever.
Nice of them to make some of the nudies out of suggestions for wank-monologue:
AHHHHHHMMLLLLLH ‘: :
:MHHH:::;HHMMMMMA: : ;
:AHHH:::
So going 0-for-2 as a player somehow qualifies Professor Prager as a coach? Huh?
“Of course, most women never regard it as hypocritical and rightly regard it as admirable when they meet their child’s or parent’s or friend’s needs when they are not in the mood to do so. They do what is right in those cases, rather than what their mood dictates. Why not apply this attitude to sex with one’s husband?”
Notice that what Prager is doing here. He is putting his needs at the same level as those of a child. In other words, he sees himself as the child in the relationship. I think there is a phrase for that.
Oedipus Prager.
Or perhaps this is more Prager’s speed:
Mommy, baby wants to fuck!
but the tequila, shroom, meth bender weekends have to be seen to be believed.
Weekends? Sounds like a Tuesday to me.
(As another lurker-turned-FNG, I’ll echo the Kiwi’s apologies, mikey. I mostly wish I had a webcam in my room so I could find out what goes on when I don’t interrupt the random people fucking on my bed in the act.)
Bring it.
Just, please, leave my odor out of the conversation…
mikey
Have you ever notice that a majority of my comments are on stale threads?
No? Okay then. Move on.
Oh, snap! That may be the worst Prager Column, EvAr!!!1!
I couldn’t even make it past reason 3 of why the man going to work and the woman having sex with the man were the sam…
Wait a second, I think he may be right. Having sex with him is probably at least as draining as mucking out a slaughterhouse for 12 hours a day.
Bravo, Dennis Prager. Point taken!
Everybody’s got something to hide, ‘cept for you and your monkey.
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, you know that’s funny.
1) he whines about putting out $43.00 for a DVD Player.
2) he claims he’ll spring for five margaritas…later.
3) he claims his website is for ‘gays with conservative views’.
4) the ‘vote yes on prop 8’ crowd spent upwards of $35million.
Conclusion) not through this guy’s website, they didn’t. his constituency is much smaller than he claims, or so those wacky kids would be calling it.
Whose Potemkin Polity is smaller, PUMAs or Gay Conservatives?
The HuffPo has it. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-derrick/margaritas-flow-again-el_b_149457.html
Dennis Bonobo said:
Damn but my heroic non-shagging of everything that moves should be recognised. And when I say recognised, I mean a double act on the marital trapeze with the Cheeky Girls.
Every man who is sexually faithful to his wife already engages in daily heroic self-control
Does this mean I get double medals for not shagging everything in sight, since I don’t even have a wife?
Is it time for me to step in or is this thread all sewn up?
Bring your monkey and climb aboard…
mikey
Just don’t needle anyone
“some tequila-lime-meth bender”
Tell me where they were last seen. From there I can find the trail of blood and missing teeth…
Ah. Hem. Yes. For RETRIBUTION purposes only of course.
Damn but my heroic non-shagging of everything that moves should be recognised.
It has to move? Picky, picky.
Just wanted to mention: Stabbed in the hand by a knife carelessly placed in the office dishwasher, I sent an unhappy email for all to see, subject line: “Blood & Dishes”.
Later research concluded that everyone read that damned email. Just remember, subject line research is helpful…
can a brotha get a what-what for his Pammy-mockin’ lyrics ’round heah?
JK47 sed: El Coyote is probably the most inexplicably popular restaurant in Los Angeles.
I could never quite figure that one out either. Back in the day, the margies were big & strong, while the food was, as you say, mushy & tasteless. But it was located pretty much between the Fox-TV studios on Sunset & the 101, Universal, Warners, Disney and the proliferation of agencies on Wilshire in BevHills. So it was a good middle ground meeting place, it rambled a bit, so you could get some privacy to hatch plots & scam on D-girls. But the decent Mexican place across the street (useta have the best Oaxacan mole sauces in West L.A.) went under. So they started watering down the margies & cranking up the prices, and people paid it anyway. The fact that it is still popular all these years later is a sad commentary on the truth of all the snickering comments people make about airheaded Angelenos.
Meanwhile, a perfectly acceptable alternative for meeting is Marix’ Tex-Mex, where the margies at least have some flavor and aren’t directly outta bottom-rail tequila & a jug of half-rotted Last Call strawberry-flavored sludge.
Thread hijack: best Meskin in LA? I vote for Paco’s Tacos in Culver City & Westchester. The carnitas are strong enough that, left unattended, they will hang your drywall & affix Raiders decals to your rear windshield.
Don’t be silly, eunuchs can’t root.
One-play, if she’s lucky.
This is the photo currently next to DP’s Part II.
Once again, we are forced to subsist on a single measley crumb of a post from our stingy hosts. I’ve been lurking the thread off and on all day, but have held off jumping in until now., in hopes of some fresh late-day game. Also, I don’t post comments to blogs at work, due to the draconian I-use policies. I have been a longtime reader, but only occasional poster in the past, but have tossed in my 2 euros worth more frequently of late, as I have always enjoyed the comment threads here so immensely. So now I decide to climb in, the whole pool seems to be drying up–what gives? I took a shower, just like I do almost every month!
Anyway, I hope Clif & Co. can step up the pace soon, so I can look forward to participating with the rest of this august and erudite assemblage.
Dennis Prager and sex are mutually exclusive. I’m guessing his two marriages were both annulled on grounds of non-consummation.
Steerpike, I know whatcha mean, I’ve been away for a while & upon regaining a devil-box & high-speed connection was anxious to make a public fool of myself again, but postage does seem down. One can only suppose our hosts, bitter hate-filled left-wing cranks that they would appear to be, may have some sorts of family lives, & are involved therein over the holidays. Saps.
Big ups to Clif for stepping up (& away from thoss exploding car chase flicks) & providing us fodder in this holiday period. Thank you, sir.
And I’m in absolute agreement w/ Wordyeti Hussein Shunpike. Location is the best explanation for the dump’s popularity (it’s also an almost literal stone’s throw from Television City) and the fact that you can get a secluded nook. I was horrified by the alleged tostada w/ canned fucking peas the first time I et [sic] there.
Frankly, I’d guess that DP’s marriages were ended on grounds of consummation. Or consumption.
Or consommé.
(Yay!! Soup puns.)
Steerpike,
I guess we could make our own Two Minute Town Hall or something. Haven’t had one of those in a while. Here, I’ll start.
Chuck Norris: In order to be healthier, we must abolish the FDA and USDA. Buy my book.
Janice Shaw Crouse: 1 in 1500 unsolved deaths in Baltimore were prostituted women, highlighting the consequences of prostituting women.
Thomas “Kidney” Sowell: Here are some examples of how success owes more to arbitrary chance than any merit. This proves that public education should be replaced by a lottery.
Phyllis Schlafly: Public schools are poisoning young Christian minds with notions of “social justice.”
Anyone else up for a go? My brain hurts.
Oh yes. Consummation with THAT would certainly put me off the whole concept for…oh, like FOREVER.
(Must go look for a LOLcat to cleanse that horrible image from my synapses NOW.)
I regret buying a big pine entertainment center a few years ago, just before the flatscreen craze, because I can only fit up to about a 40″ screen into it. But what the hell, the shows won’t get any better.
But what the hell, the shows won’t get any better.
Similar story here. We’re planning to keep our current setup another year or two and then look into the flatscreens. By then they might cost little enough for us to be willing to get one, and I’m hoping to convince my wife that we should just drop the satellite dish and just use it to watch movies. IMO it would be worth having a 16×9 screen just for that. Even a 40″ HDTV would show the widescreen flicks much larger than our current set with the letterboxing and all.
Bless you, Clif. I’m such a SN junkie that I was starting to have withdrawal… or maybe it was just all the Christmas cookies making me feel strange.
Is DP a (lapsed) Catholic? Because the one time mr opie_jeanne and I were dragged to a Marriage Encounter (Do Not Ask) the Catholics were the only ones agonizing over the wives saying “no”. There were eight of us from the same Methodist church and a couple of Lutherans at this Catholic retreat (they had a few spaces empty), and we all thought the subject of “I Feel Guilty When I Say No” was very funny, even the couple in their 70s from our group laughed out loud. We all considered sex a mutual sharing, not a duty of one gender to the other. Not that they liked sex less than we did, but their attitude about it was decidedly different. And I discovered a long time ago that sex is a great cure for a headache. Just had our 39th anniversary on the 27th. Yay Us!
I can’t imagine a marriage to Little Prager lasting more than a month, not with his attitude.
Mr. Prager, believe it or shove it, is Jewish, but he seems to go very well w/ any religio-repression, & certainly knows how to get along w/ his oppressors.
Note to self:
Don’t marry Dennis Prager.
Who is Roland Burris and who are the people who are endorsing his questionable appointment to the Senate?
Why does it not surprise me that Prager has no idea whatsoever that the arousal factor of the female might have something to do with sexual act?
Guys and sex is like guys and shopping. Or eating.
Feel a need, fulfill the need, go back to watching TV.
Women and sex is like women and shopping: linger over each and every item, slip it on, give it a whirl, try the next garment on, get feedback from your shopping partner, until the climactic moment when the plastic burns…
So going 0-for-2 as a player somehow qualifies Professor Prager as a coach?
Hey, it worked for Eric Mangini.
Damn but my heroic non-shagging of everything that moves should be recognised. And when I say recognised, I mean a double act on the marital trapeze with the Cheeky Girls.
Mikey, give this guy your webcam, stat!
Shorter Prager
Does this make his penis an “innie”?
I recently bought a $30 DVD-ROM.
My thoughts:
1.) I hope the place is open.
2.) Good. The place is open.
3.) I hope I have enough PATA cables to hook it up.
4.) I should get dinner.
And that’s *it*.
Just a thought, I had it while indulging in recreational botany.
Could GPW be a methodically(perhaps maniacally) dedicated piece of performance art?
? His “I’ll buy margs for the first 5 people to show up” – could he have known the offending BOD member had already hightailed, and thought it would be fun to both support the place post-boycott, AND make a ass out of his character and adherents who show up?
? The thing that made me start thinking along these lines: a contest for “Blogress”. What’s that mean, what’s the derivation? Most made up words have some tenuous connection to actual words, like visioning and proactive.
Blog / Princess?
Then I split up the words, and got:
Bl – Ogress. (No, not Bi-Ogress, it’s a “L”, but little.)
I suppose it could have been accidental.
But there it is, in plain sight – whether it’s hidden there I just don’t know. I’m pretty sure “ogress” isn’t used as a compliment, or as a fond reference. It’s certainly not used to indicate compassion or reasonableness as character traits.
Well, just wanted to mention it, see what other twisted and more intelligent minds thought.
Slow day, back to reading Fun with String monthly.
Blog / Princess?
Then I split up the words, and got:
Bl – Ogress. (No, not Bi-Ogress, it’s a “L”, but little.)
It’s really much simpler.
Actor/Actress. Blogger/Blogress.
Of course, he spells it “Blogresss” but I chalk that up to having his education funded by Ronald Reagan’s budget.
“best Meskin in LA?”
I vote for The Gardens of Taxco. But (a) I haven’t lived in LA since 1997, and (2) I used to think El Cholo was pretty fine, till some people told me it wasn’t.
Just checked out your blog for the first time after seeing it in a list of “so-called” liberal best blogs. Bullshit! After reading your wingnut comments about Dan and ElCoyote, you sound like just one more knuckle-dragger.
The first idiot troll of the new year!
I miss him already.
“So-called” liberal or “so-called” best or “so-called” blog?
And “why” the quotes”?”
The first idiot troll of the new year!
Oh, that’s right! It’s already the new year in the land of our socialist Yurpeen overlords. Happy New Year to everybody, except people whose year starts on a different day, in which case belated or beearlied Happy New Year.
If only it were the only idiot troll. That one morphbeast will undoubtedly slime its way back in to screech and holler and tell us how unworthy we are of the 22 hours of attention it devotes to this site every day. I think of it the way the audience of a certain TV show was described in William Gibson’s Idoru:
…best visualized as a vicious, lazy, profoundly ignorant, perpetually hungry organism craving the warm god-flesh of the anointed. Personally I like to imagine something the size of a baby hippo, the color of a week-old boiled potato, that lives by itself, in the dark, in a double-wide on the outskirts of Topeka. It’s covered with eyes and it sweats constantly. The sweat runs into those eyes and makes them sting. It has no mouth, … no genitals, and can only express its mute extremes of murderous rage and infantile desire by changing the channels an a universal remote. Or by voting in presidential elections.
“Because” “Rusty”, “he” “was” “taught” “by” “Pam” “Atlass”
So let me get this straight: masturbation is the equivalent of rape?
In Prager’s case, this is true.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist –
…something the size of a baby hippo, the color of a week-old boiled potato, that lives by itself, in the dark, in a double-wide on the outskirts of Topeka….
I useta have to do the “Eye on America” stories where I’d go to said Topeka trailerpark to interview these mutants. Thanks for bringing those memories right back to the surface.
Suggested addendum: “The creature also drops out of high school and impregnates snowbilly VP candidates. And their daughters.”
Phew. It’s “One Time Only”. And it has a strange fondness for “quotation marks”.
Does it also have a “laser” on the moon, I wonder?
say your way on this travesty
substace mcgravitas
say your way on this travesty. substance mcgravitas