Porn Generation Interlude

Because I decided to have a life this weekend, I didn’t get around to finishing Porn Generation. However, I did get to listen to Doug Giles interview the Virgin Ben on his Clash Radio program, and let me tell ya… well, let’s just say Ben’s got more issues than any of us ever imagined. I’ll recap the highlights when I get home from work tonight, but here’s a choice excerpt to whet your appetite:

Giles: So you’re keeping your virginity just to kick the crap out of liberals, right?

Virgin Ben: Oh, well, you know, that’s one good reason…

And later in the program, Doug asks Ben to opine on Jessica Simpson, who was apparently a virgin until marriage. Ben says it was “a good move on her part,” but adds that “obviously I would prefer that she not flaunt herself… I mean, that just turns her into a major flirt. And certainly, what she said before she got married to Nicholas Lachey does not in any way excuse the way she flaunts herself in this new Dukes of Hazard movie.”

So it’s not only porno that’s off-limits, it’s flirting too. To which I say: “DOOOOOOOOOORK AHOOOOOOOOY!!!!”



Comments: 18


Shorter Ben:

“Jessica needs to chill out because that big, hunky piece of meat Nick doesn’t deserve the stress. Of course, I could help him relax, but…”


I for one find myself constantly threatened by Ben’s virginity. It lurks behind corners to kick the crap out of me.

What does that even mean?



Hot Cops


Ben’s virginity kung fu is far stronger than mine. His masturbation kung fu is probably stronger than mine, too. But I’ll bet my lingerie wearing kung fu would just kick his to shreds – it’s way cooler than even monkey style kung fu.

Who will win in the battle of political spectrum sex kung fu? Whose fighting style will be more powerful?


Who will win in the battle of political spectrum sex kung fu? Whose fighting style will be more powerful?

En guarde! I’ll let Ben try my Wu Tang style…


They must be talking about how various tough-guy sports coaches (boxing, football) forbid their players to have sex before the big game to make them meaner…

So Ben keeps his virginity because if he didn’t (like he has any choice in the matter, but play along here) he’d be too distracted by rainbows and googly eyes to hurl spite and mouth sorry-ass talking points. What a selfless, upright young fellow…


A major flirt?

Should she keep her ankles covered?

Burkha? Would that be enough?

one of these days Ben is going to abduct himself a white woman out of sheer sexual frustration.

If he doesn’t go blind first. Wanker


I finally saw that zitty, greasy thing live on CBC about a month ago. Hyper and barely coherent. George Stombolopoulos (himself hyper and rather greasy, although not zitty, and probably not a virgin) gave the impression that talking to the agrressively virgin Ben was like dropping acid.


Mr. Jaheer was among the first to become religious, and others soon followed…. Mr. Khan was among them; so, later on, were his fellow bombers, Mr. Tanweer and Mr. Hussain.

…The pioneers coached those who followed them in how to live as Muslims in the West, bringing a new social conservatism to bear. It is permissible to look once at scantily clad women in summer, they would tell youth. After that it is a sin.

Amy Waldman, “Seething Unease Shaped British Bombers’ Newfound Zeal,” NYT, 7/31/05

I just wonder when America’s right-wing virtuecrats are going to give up on opposing Islamic extremism and just start praising it, much as an earlier generation of right-wingers praised Hitler and Mussolini. Seventy-five years ago, a lot of right-wingers thought the West was soft and decadent and that that fellow with the mustache in Germany certainly seemed to know what to do about it. Why shouldn’t Ben and his admirers someday say the same thing about the Wahhabis?


It is permissible to look once at scantily clad women in summer, they would tell youth. After that it is a sin.

I’ve only been in England during the winter (well, January through May, although May still counts as Winter because the sun doesn’t show up until July), but if I had to look at scantilly-clad Brits, I might go crazy too.


The idiot is a virgin just to piss people off? Who the fuck cares anyway? I think he’s a virgin because no one will fuck him.


Steve, I think right now they’re just jealous.

obviously I would prefer that she not flaunt herself

I’m sure she’ll get right in to a Murka Burka just for you, Ben.


I think Ben Shapiro SHOULD wait until he’s married. He should wait until he can find the one woman in the world who, after spending time listening to him talk, after reading his whiny, bobble-headed rants,is still able to say, “Yes, YES! THIS is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with! The only man I ever want to sleep with. The only man I’ll ever want to see naked. For the REST OF MY LIFE.” Because I have a feeling he’ll be single a LONG time if he waits for such a woman, and if he finds her, if such a woman actualy EXISTS, well…they’ll kinda deserve each other.
Unrelated side note: I don’t know why, but I find it amusing that Ben refers to Lachey as “Nicholas” instead of “Nick”. I THINK he’s trying to convey something with that, but I’m just not sure what it is.


Way to pull out the ol’ “But did you see what she was WEARING?” argument, Your Virgin-ness.

I feel sorry for the poor girl who does decide to divest Ben of his burden, because afterwards she’ll be just another whore.

Jesus, what a wanker.


I wonder how many times the BVB has heard this: “I wouldn’t fuck you if you were the last man on the planet”? I think that would explain a LOT about the ‘prized’ virginity…


With any luck, the VBen will never meet that “special,” unsullied gal, will just keep holding out for the “perfect” girl, and will die a frustrated, old virgin, never to pass on his wingnut seed. Well, other than to Mr. Right Hand and Ms. Cum Rag. Crusty!


No flirting? So, Ben hasn’t seen The Mikado, then.


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