The more you buy, the more you live

Alone, in the bunker. Thanks to a random wingnut link (our guess would be NewsMax,) we find out:


The helpful online guide answers its own question since it instructs you not only on what to do if but it adds that you should do all of it right now. Because a nuclear disaster is imminent. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Where to start? According to the helpful guide, you should follow the advice of The Clash:

You must decide FIRST if you need to prepare where you are, or attempt evacuation.

If you go, there will be trouble. But if you stay, it will be double.


Speaking of trouble, beware of radiation:

While this is not indicated on this graph, remember that standing next to Linda Tripp provides the best protection.

Government information and guidance is a vital resource in your response to a nuclear crisis, but for many reasons it may be late, incomplete, misleading or simply in error.

Which is why wingnut websites, rather than government, is your best source of information. Especially when you learn about Johnson’s all-new baby shampoo, the NO MORE TEARS?, NO MORE DEADLY GAMMA RAYS formula:

Have water and baby shampoo near the entrance (hose and containers) to wash and thoroughly rinse any exposed skin and hair.

Remember to always look on the bright side of life as well:

Hopefully, you are not near any target area ‘ground zero’ and will only, like the vast majority, have to deal with just the fallout later.

Yes, hopefully you won’t be killed instantly. Because if you do all this fancy pants preparation you did will have been worthless.

Pets, and what to do about them, is a tough call. […] putting them down’ might eventually become a painful, but necessary reality.

Well, now at least we know who wrote this guide: The Editors!

And yet the real shocker is this: while enemies of freedom have been engaged in a slime campaign against Rush Limbaugh, patriot, for alleged doctor shopping and drug addiction, it turns out he was only doing his best to be ready:

Go Acquire It All Now QUICKLY!

Prescription drugs filled, and as much extra as possible

Don’t you feel silly now, liberals?


Comments: 18


When the nuclear winter hits, I’ll survive by cutting K-Lo’s carcass open with my light saber and burrowing inside.


Being a student on the other side of iron curtain during Cold War, I had a whole semester
of that stuff. I guess that these guys would get an F.

The idea of using the basement for shelter is not bad, but one should remember to cover the floor above the basement with 2 ft of dirt. It will stop radiation and cushion the impact of the collapsing structure of the house (the shock wave of a thermonuclear explosion can level suburban houses with ease). Then one needs an improvised hand-operated air-filtration device. The need to make shifts as you operate the air filter makes it more practical to shelter several families in one place. I guess the need of water, food, light and latrine, as well as a radio is more obvious.

Trying to decide individually whether to evacuate or not is totally ill-advised, even in a free country — if authorities do not coordinate millions of refugees, the refugees are in rather bad shape.

My estimate was that once a country makes all reasonable precautions against an imminent nuclear attack, the attack itself is kind of redundant.


A nukular winter, when it’s added with global warming (Uncle Dick says that doesn’t really exist) is like a yin/yang thing, heh heh heh. It’s like a balance thing. I looked it up in the dikshunary. Laura keeps one in the liquor room. I’m not allowed in but I found a extra key. YIPPEE.


They completely forgot the mention the biggest threat after a nuclear disaster: mutant zombies


But what should I do if nuclear disaster is eminent?


Good one Hemlock! I think we would all be safest if we huddled around one of God’s chosen few, like, for instance, Marie Jon’.


I can only conclude that a lot of people get off on being continuously terrified.


You must decide FIRST if you need to prepare where you are, or attempt evacuation.
Not for nothin’, but frankly, if I am in the path of a nuclear strike, evacuation is going to be pretty much automatic. Then, after I clean myself up, I’ll figure out whether to stick around or head for the hills.


Dan, I think you’ve spotted a major hole in the wingnut Civil Defense Plan. While they’re building shelters in the mistaken belief that they may not evacuate, I’m stocking up on clean underwear.


should it prove ’eminent’,

Than there’s not much you can do, they’re going to build their waterfront center, damnit.


Hey Sadly, No folks. I just want to share a huge project I’ve been working on.

Chapter 11: Ann Coulter’s Iraq War Argument Files for Bankruptcy

It’s the whole chapter, and no, I don’t expect anyone to read the whole thing at once.

Keep on rocking. I love this site.


The Clash are lovely…..

What are we gonna do now?
Taking off his turban, they said, is this man a Jew?
‘Cause they’re working for the clampdown
They put up a poster saying we earn more than you!
When we’re working for the clampdown
We will teach our twisted speech
To the young believers
We will train our blue-eyed men
To be young believers

The judge said five to ten-but I say double that again
I’m not working for the clampdown
No man born with a living soul
Can be working for the clampdown
Kick over the wall ’cause government’s to fall
How can you refuse it?
Let fury have the hour, anger can be power
D’you know that you can use it?

The voices in your head are calling
Stop wasting your time, there’s nothing coming
Only a fool would think someone could save you
The men at the factory are old and cunning
You don’t owe nothing, so boy get runnin’
It’s the best years of your life they want to steal

You grow up and you calm down
You’re working for the clampdown
You start wearing the blue and brown
You’re working for the clampdown
So you got someone to boss around
It makes you feel big now
You drift until you brutalize
You made your first kill now

In these days of evil presidentes
Working for the clampdown
But lately one or two has fully paid their due
For working for the clampdown
But ha! Gitalong! Gitalong!

And I’ve given away no secrets
Who’s barmy now?


I’d rather be at ground zero than die slowly of radiation sickness.


The idea of using the basement for shelter is not bad, but one should remember to cover the floor above the basement with 2 ft of dirt.

Yeah, I bet Doughy Pantload and The Pod would get “learnt some respect” if they did something stupid like dumping 2 feet of dirt on their respective Mother’s living room floors (and you know that neither of them have been invited into the living room much less been allowed to track mud into it). I swear it is so hard to keep something nice when the kids start reading Civil Defense Plans followed by the comments on Sadly No!™


It?s christmas at ground zero
There?s music in the air
The sleigh bells are ringing and the carolers are singing
While the air raid sirens blare

It?s christmas at ground zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know
That this is not a test

Everywhere the atom bombs are dropping
It?s the end of all humanity
No more time for last-minute shopping
It?s time to face your final destiny



Where to start? According to the helpful guide, you should follow the advice of The Clash…

I’m always asking myself: “What would The Clash do?” And then I steal a pillowcase.

The Computer from that movie

Would you like to play a game? _



boing boing boing


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