that’s how I formed my knowledge of how the world really works. Through the evidence of my senses and my own personal experiences.

And that’s why she sticks an onion up her ass when she feels a head cold coming on.

Christ, is there any way we can encourage this person to run for office?

Face the facts, it is affecting you. Like it or not, every professing heterosexual is have their future aggressively chopped at the roots.

Are we sure this isn’t K-Load in a blonde wig?

“I lived with and worked with and talked with actual, normal human beings …”

“Most of these commenters and bloggers are clearly jealous of the simple fact that I’m smarter and more worldly than they are, that all their “education” and backpacking around the world actually made them dumber than I am …”

She’s right, you know. It wasn’t easy backpacking all around the world without talking to another actual human being, but I managed it. Silly me – I could have interacted with some people, and then I’d be almost as smart as Shaidle.

Alrighty, Clif.

Although I find it hard to avoid voting for the shrieking harpy, when I’m voting for gits and shiggles.

I gotta say, having never heard of this midget troglodyte before, my life is diminished now by being aware of her existence.

Wow. Shaidle’s response is the conservative movement in a nutshell. “Vote for Stoopid!”

I’m with Matt. I am sorry for having clicked through, and know now that I will never get that 10 minutes of clicking around her site back.

Damn, our whole country is diminished by her existence! Make her go away!

It seems she hasn’t met normal human beings.

However, I would not urge her to get out more. Normal human beings wouldn’t want that.

Backpacking around the world makes you less worldly than those who haven’t backpacked around the world…

And…I’m ok with that.

And Shaidle pulls pass the Malkintent™, 65 to 64…

Atlas Juggs with a clear lead at 161 votes. Slow down!

I mean, hurry up!

Fucking “you’re posting too quickly” message.

Why are all these damn words floatin’ here on my damn screen? I got plenty far in life without having to rely on words like you people, I go with non-verbal, screaming impulses just fine. I do not rely upon junk lexicons and Marxist grammar. You think you’re so smart but all your talking and writing and thinking actually make you more dumb.

every professing heterosexual is have their future aggressively chopped at the roots.

And all your bases are belonging to me.

Ok, I voted. Now I need a shower.

Canadian Cynic provides a greatest hits of KKKate as we fondly know her along with timely commentary on the rest of our convenient collection of mental midgets known as “The Blogging Tories”.

http://canadiancynic.blogspot.com

Unlike you, I didn’t waste the last good years of my life being brainwashed in academia; I lived with and worked with and talked with actual, normal human beings (professors definitely don’t count) and that’s how I formed my knowledge of how the world really works. Through the evidence of my senses and my own personal experiences.

It shows, Kathy. It really, really shows…

I just talked to a bunch of people and they said there was no such thing as global warming and also we don’t need all these damn rocket ships and stuff to get to space we got all these airliners and they’re already about high enough in the sky and probably we just need to get pilots willing to fly into space and we’ll be there.

Nothin’ like a poll written in Times New Roman with a 00FFFF aqua blue background to class up the design at that place.

I hope this woman has lots of kids that turn out to be gay, Prius drivers, liberal arts majors, or all of the above.

Whoops; too late. I think I voted for Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf.

I voted as directed, but Atlas Juggs is still ahead. Sadly, yes.

I also had a gander at her website–does anyone go there voluntarily rather than through SN trickery? And, really, no comments? Why is it that so many right wing loonies have either no comments or very strictly moderated ones? Must be their great love of free speech and the common man.

actual, normal human beings (professors definitely don’t count)

I am appalled by this egregious slam of Professor Wine Box (ha!) and Instahack . . .

dr. luba, hilariously, Shaidle is the Queen of Canada’s Speech Warriors and a leading harpie in their efforts to squash Canada’s Human Rights Commissions which rudely goes after them whenever they say nasty things about brown people. Mark Steyn is of course their fearless leader.

Shaidle now has 180 votes to Juggs’ 167.

Hooray for Sadly, No! Tonguejack my pollbox!

Unlike you, I didn’t waste the last good years of my life being brainwashed in academia; I lived with and worked with and talked with actual, normal human beings (professors definitely don’t count) and that’s how I formed my knowledge of how the world really works. Through the evidence of my senses and my own personal experiences.

I’m not sure that her, errrrr, involvement with “actual normal human beings” was particularly fruitful.

Pardon the pun.

I have asked around among real people who never have gone to those wastes of space (academia) and they told me that stupid people like the people who check your eyes (Marxists) are not necessary and that when your vision starts getting a little blurry, also, all you have to do is work harder as well and you’ll be fine.

Seriously, what is it with North Americans (note the added “North”) that we somehow believe that inbreeding will make us smarter and better than people who look around the world to find solutions to problems that, you know, might not have occured in an echo chamber?

No comments are allowed on Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf’s (thanks Dreamweasel!) website.

Quelle suprise!

Why do you belittle her by calling her “Four Feet Six Inches of Stupid?” If she says her circumference is five feet, who are we to dispute it . . .

I have a little Shaidle
I made it yell in hate
And when it’s drunk and angry
Then Shaidle I will bait

Shaidle, Shaidle, Shaidle…

Pollbox tonguejacked.

Seriously, there’s already three times as many comments over here as on that poll. I wonder how many of those voters are Naughties…

Shaidle leads now, with almost a quarter of the total vote.

Through the evidence of my senses and my own personal experiences.

That’s how I finally figured out that the Sun revolves around a flat earth, contra junk astrophysics and Marxist geometry.

I feel I’ve done my part to spread xmas cheer. Little Shaidle is ahead right now – 225 to the Anchoress’ 110.

I clicked over to her site. How terribly hilarious the un-pc names for neighborhoods was! *barf*

I’m four foot ten, and I drink tequila straight, and if she’s ever in my bar saying that shit, well, she’d find a bar stool lodged up her nose. But I’d be more interested in what the non-white people call the white neighborhoods. That would probably be funny.

“Do you have proof to back up that racist statement? Any studies? Any statistics??”

Of course not, you dickhead.

“Five Feet of Fury”? Riiiiight. More like “Five Feet of Stupid”, seeing as how you’d have to dig that far to find her IQ. Facts are for the little people the liberals.

As of 7:40 a.m Pacific Time, we’re up!

Which blogress should be the Grande Conservative Blogress Diva 2009?
Selection Votes
Amy Alkon 6% 50
The Anchoress 13% 110
Ann Althouse 6% 46
Little Miss Attila 1% 7
Tammy Bruce 4% 37
Dymphna of Gates of Vienna 0% 4
Sondra K of Knowledge is Power 3% 25
Mary Katharine Ham of The Weekly Standard 2% 14
Rachel Lucas 3% 23
Michelle Malkin 8% 65
neo-neo con 1% 10
Pundita 0% 2
Kathy Shaidle of Five Feet of Fury 27% 227
Pamela of Atlas Shrugs 20% 169
Debbie Schlussel 2% 19
Sister Toldjah 3% 21

829 votes total

Wait – who said lawn darts are a bad idea?
Good clean fun I say, and good for the gene pool.
You don’t even have to use ’em on a lawn – just tack a sheet of plywood to the garage(I used a barn) wall, and throw them like you’re a softball pitcher.

And the damn kids’ll stay out of your yard voluntarily, no yelling or signs needed.
It’s quieter than skeet, too.

Kathy Shaidle of Five Feet of Fury 26% 216

As of a few minutes ago she was in the lead

Unrelated, but Dennis Prager just gave Sadly, No an early Holiday present.

Wow. It’s like some mad scientist put Sarah Palin and a pig in a matter transporter and fucked up.
She’s got my vote, just cuz I’d hate to have to see A-Juggs’ celebratory music video.

Lawn darts are great! Ya gotta pay attention though, and that is where it fails with most people.

Those ubiquitous bean bag toss games suck mightily…where’s the challenge of imminent harm?

The racist statement that she is so proud of by the way is this one:

“the movie and television industries are pretty much run by Jews”

Jebus these people are boring. Vile, hateful and stupid yeah, but also mind numbing bores. The only new thing they’ve added to their list of people to hate is the gays… no, that’s not right, the Moooslims… no, they’ve always hated them too. No, their objects of hate never change. It’s like they are frozen, forever trapped in a gooey drop of amber bile.

Given the season I think I’ll pity them for now. Not that it will do any good.

Oh, come on. Click on the link to debbie schlussel. She’s gone right around the fucking bend with her attack on Obama for failing to host a star studded memorial for his grandmother every day of his vacation in hawaii, and also with her hand drawn fake Obama birth certificate. I mean, that’s a masterpiece of racism and moronic idiocy all at once. And say what you will, those two things don’t have to go together. They usually do, but man, this is naked.

aimai

Lawn darts are Charles “I got a list” Darwin’s game of tag, you’re it.

I’m not sure why Clif left out the pre-words leading up to the first block quote, which are:

How many arguments have I had on the web (Damian Penny’s comments section is particularly bad for this) with idiots who — after I’ve made a matter of fact, everybody-knows statement about the importance of preachers/barbershops/grandmothers/basketball/hair in Black culture, for instance — leap at the opportunity to engage in some moral exhibitionism… (emphasis added)

The pale Canadian midget’s claim of being down wit’ da hood is even funnier when one realizes that everything she “knows” about black people came from Hollywood movies (the tip-off was “barbershops”), which, earlier in the very same post, she quoted with approval the “factual statement” that Hollywood is run by Jews. Who, presumably, totally know from black folk.

she quoted with approval the “factual statement” that Hollywood is run by Jews. Who, presumably, totally know from black folk.

Well, I mean, every Schwartz is a schvartze, after all, in Kathy’s world.

Not to mention that it’s a bit h-word for a tiny white Canadian lady who has just dropped some “common knowledge” about the importance of hair and grandmothers in black culture to complain about people who engage in “moral exhibitionism.”

Dymphna is my favorite. You gotta give it up for someone who named herself after a fake saint based on a fairy tale.

heh. “moral exhibitionism”.
That sounds like fun. If it weren’t so frickin’ cold out(8 deg F at 7AM in metro-Boston) I might be up for that later today.
There’s malls nearby, and it’s the holiday season.

What could possibly go wrong?

How many arguments have I had on the web (Damian Penny’s comments section is particularly bad for this) with idiots who — after I’ve made a matter of fact, everybody-knows statement about the importance of preachers/barbershops/grandmothers/basketball/hair in Black culture, for instance — leap at the opportunity to engage in some moral exhibitionism…

I spent a minute parsing this statement…OK, it was a wasted minute but what the heck…and I’m imagining the situation that created this:

KS: Come on! Everybody knows how important preachers/barbershops/grandmothers/basketball/hair is in Black culture!

DP’s comments section: Racist!

Some moral exhibitionism. Since when is calling a spade a spade, “moral exhibitionism”?

Sexy Shaidle what have you done
You made an ass of everyone
You made an ass of everyone
Sexy Shaidle what have you done

Sexy Shaidle you broke the rules
You blamed it all on the Jews
You blamed it all on the Jews
Sexy Shaidle oooh you broke the rules.

One wint’ry day the net was waiting for a lover
She came along to piss on everyone
Sexy Shaidle the greatest of them all.

Sexy Shaidle how did you know
The Jews and the fags control everything
The Jews and the fags control everything
Sexy Shaidle oooh how did you know.

Sexy Shaidle you’re five foot small
However big you think you are
However big you think you are
Sexy Shaidle oooh you’re five foot small.

We gave her every vote just to sit at her table
Just a snarl would lighten everything
Sexy Shaidle she’s the latest and the greatest of them all.

She made a fool of everyone
Sexy Shaidle.

However big you think you are
Sexy Shaidle.

Nice to see you’re giving a boost to a Canadian girl. Kathy could use one, too. She must be getting tired of having to fellate Mark Steyn.

Looking at that line-up above, I had a chilling thought. Remember that “Pretty in Mink” calendar of conservative women on ABC News a month ago? Can you imagine this crew posing in furs? Kathy or Pam in that Ann Coulter praying mantis pose? The Anchoress or Ann Althouse peeking cross-eyed over one bare shoulder like Mary Katherine Hamm? Wouldn’t that make you want to poke your eyes out?

Another thought: in what universe would the Anchoress and Pam Geller be running virtually neck-and-neck in the same contest? I couldn’t think of two stranger bed-fellows. Oh great, now I have to poke my eyes out again.

And I see my favourite conservative blogress, PUMA and birther “texasdarlin”, isn’t even on the list. Granted, texasdarlin doesn’t have much of a personality herself. But her site is such a fascinating peek into the world of the conspiracy theorist. It’s all there: projection, paranoia, circular reasoning, the willingness to embrace any theory, however wild, rather than give up your belief that Obama is a Kenyan/Indonesian usurper. I think she deserves a calendar of her own.

This Shaidle woman seems the perfect replacement for Warren at the inauguration what with the sweet,sweet fag-hate.Shame she’s floridly racist AND Canadian…Oh well Warren it shall be then!

The approved quote about Jews running Hollywood comes from vdare.com. Can’t say I’m surprised that she hangs out there.

Still, one wonders at the amount of emotional labor one must exert to hate Jews AND Muslims. I suppose it must give her, in her own words, “the semi-satisfying sensation that [she’s] engaged in something resembling work.“

Since when is calling a spade a spade, “moral exhibitionism”?

They really are just tired of holding it all in. All they really want to do is run down the street yelling “Ni**er, ni**er, ni**er, jewwww, ni**er, ni**er, ni**er.

People with Tourettes can sometimes suppress their tics for a short period but eventually they have to have some kind of release. I wonder if it isn’t something like that.

Y’know Rusty, maybe she could save time and just hate all followers of the book. Free up some CPU time for other pursuits, so to speak.

Do we get little stickers to put on after voting?

I voted!

Y’know Rusty, maybe she could save time and just hate all followers of the book.

That would certainly subvert the dominant paradigm, which is:

Christians: hated by all liberals

Jews: hated by some conservatives (militia/Ron Paul libertarian wing)

Muslims: hated by all conservatives

Sexy Shaidle what have you done

“Sexy”?

I threw up in my mouth, a little.

Cause I’m Kath Shaidle, yes I’m the real Shaidle
All you other Kath Shaidles are just imitating
So won’t the real Kath Shaidle please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Y’all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Bolton just burst in the door
and started whoopin her ass worse than before
they first were divorce, throwin her over furniture (Ahh!)
It’s the return of the… “Ah, wait, no way, you’re kidding,
he didn’t just say what I think he did, did he?”
And Dr. Althouse said… nothing you idiots!
Dr. Althouse’s dead, he’s locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)

So, will the real Shaidle please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

Ha ha!
Guess there’s a Kath Shaidle in all of us!
Fuck it, let’s all stand up!

Here is her list of jobs she’s held in her life.

Woolworth’s cashier, promoted to office mgr
Candy counter at the Cineplex Odeon
Coat check, Holiday Inn
Admin assistant x 2
Production manager, Catholic New Times
Marketing something or other, Novalis Publishing
Web content editor, United Way
Web editor, The Shopping Channel
Freelance writer throughout

Wow, I’m so impressed. I worked at Wendy’s as a cashier and was promoted to shift manager once too. This gives me the right to tell all them th’ar elitist per’fessers with their fancy book larnin’ how little they understand the “real” world. Which anyone knows is controlled by the JEWS and the FAGS!!

Sorry about that actor212. I should have spent more time on that.

Sorry about that actor212. I should have spent more time on that.

It’s OK, it reminded me that even as jaded as I am, there are still some things in this world that can make me emotional.

these fine conservative lasses!

Chacon a son gout, Coachie.

Shaidle now @ 356 … (F5) … er, 358 … (F5) … 378 to Pam Atlas @ 171. I’m hoping the #2 place gets 332 votes – because Shaidle’s 333rd vote was meeeee!

I’m jim, & I approve this ratfuck.

OT, NSFW & OMGWTFBBQ:
Something beautiful happens When Memes Collide … or when some infidel cyberterrorist decides to rewrite history. Reebok Akbar!

“Coat check at the Holiday Inn”?

Is that what they’re calling the “3 AM hooker in Des Moines that discounts for groups” these days?

The fact is, I would like a post devoted to the one year anniversary of that powerful and persuasive masterpiece Liberal Fascism.

I’m totally stuck on the notion of moral exhibitionism–you can interpret that term in two wildly different and equally hilarious ways, like the duck-rabbit.

Moral Exhibitionism #1: Excuse me, Miss, I would like to show you my package. What’s that? No, I don’t mean what’s in the box, I mean my genitals. You see, I’m not wearing any pants under this trenchcoat and I would really enjoy displaying my genitals to you. Really?! Wow, that just makes my day. [Flashes] Thank you so much, have a Merry Christmas!

Moral Exhibitionism #2: LOOK AT MY MORALS, BEYOTCHES! Oh, yeah, you like that don’t you, you stupid sluts. My moral package is the biggest in town!

heh. “moral exhibitionism”.
That sounds like fun. If it weren’t so frickin’ cold out(8 deg F at 7AM in metro-Boston) I might be up for that later today.

Swear to the deity of your choice that this is true: It was also about 8 deg this morning in St. Paul when I was heading in to work. While I’m waiting at a stop sign, some guy drives past me with no coat, shirt, or upper body clothing of any kind drives past and then pulls into a self-service gas station. I almost followed him just to get the rest of the story.

Noen at 18:15, unfortunately Lennon could have written those lyrics. He may have been a champion for women’s rights once he met Yoko, but everyone else was fair game for his scorn. ‘Baby you’re a rich fag jew’ indeed.

The fact is, I would like a post devoted to the one year anniversary of that powerful and persuasive masterpiece Liberal Fascism.

My favorite wingnut welfare moment of the year happened when Glenn Reynolds linked to a Tom Sowell column fawning over Liberal Fascism that was printed in the National Review. Triple wingnut score!

noen: It sure took you a lot of words to prove that she knows more than you ’cause she worked with people and stuff.

Just voted. Shaidle in first, with 410 votes. Runner-up is Atlas’ Jugs wtih 173.

I like how we’re voting for Bestest Ogrely Bloghag Nutjob for 2009. Futuristic!

Extra bonus irony: GayPatriotWest, whose poll this is we’re ratfucking to give the victory to a woman who cold kicks it at Vdare, is Jewish.

Well, I mean, every Schwartz is a schvartze, after all, in Kathy’s world.

And every Cabbage a King!

Amy Alkon, hopeless romantic:

When I hear couples brag, “We just knew from the moment we saw each other!” I’m amazed that they think this is romantic, and not an announcement that they’re idiots. I always want to ask, “What, exactly, did you know? That she’s reasonably tall, attractive in a sort of bookish way, and you wanted to have sex with her?”

Of course, from the moment I saw Amy, I went, “Ewwwww!!!” so I guess we’re even.

“What, exactly, did you know? That she’s reasonably tall, attractive in a sort of bookish way, and you wanted to have sex with her?”

A good question for John McCain.

Thankfully, workplace IT blocks her site, ’cause just those few sentences makes me wanna take a shower. Or several.

Is it me or are all of the nominated ‘divas’ homophobic? I guess it sort of makes sense considering who these guys are but still…

When I hear couples brag, “We just knew from the moment we saw each other!” I’m amazed that they think this is romantic, and not an announcement that they’re idiots.

Yeah! Screw those idiots! How dare they say this!

When I hear couples brag, “We just knew from the moment we saw each other!” I’m amazed that they think this is romantic, and not an announcement that they’re idiots. I always want to ask, “What, exactly, did you know? That she’s reasonably tall, attractive in a sort of bookish way, and you wanted to have sex with her?”

No, dickhead, it means that they wanted to have sex with each other forever.

Now, I realize longevity is a concept lost on a self-professed street-walker…

This is fun. Ann Shithouse:

I’d say this is great news for Cheney. Only 23%. Because it’s not as though most Americans have a whole list of ex-Vice Presidents to call to mind at a moment’s notice. Most everyone knows Cheney. And then who? Were they tested on the depth of their knowledge? Maybe they remembered Al Gore, and also George H.W. Bush. And yet only 23% put Cheney last. I’d say that’s a big pat on the back for Dick.

Of course, when you read the actual story, you get this:

An additional 41 percent feel that Cheney is a poor vice president, with 34 percent rating him a good number two.

And the kicker:

Only one percent of those polled say that Cheney is the best vice president in U.S. history.

If I had time I’d click on the other links and find something stupid within the first few posts for each, but I think you get the drift: these are some stupid, stupid people.

Oops – that would make more sense if I included the title to her post:

CNN poll finds that 23% of Americans think Dick Cheney is the worst Vice President of all time.

I’m really not as bad as everyone makes me out to be.

One of the most profound regrets of my life is not being able to practice ophthalmic medicine in the age of lawn darts.

A time when men were men and a prosthetic eye was just a consequence of poor aim.

By Dionysus, I swear that the thermometer outside the back door(one of those cheap plastic dial thingamabobs) told me it was 8 deg F at 7AM this morning.

Ratfucking completed. Like some of the others, I hadn’t heard of the woman before today, but I happily put aside my normal due-diligence standards in service of the Greater Good.

Now that is some high-grade funny.

Really. What would I do without greater wingnuttia at which to laugh?

No, dickhead, it means that they wanted to have sex with each other forever.

My dick is right where it belongs, thanks.

A time when men were men and a prosthetic eye was just a consequence of poor aim.

Speaking of putting somebody’s eye out:

http://www.fivefeetoffury.com/:entry:fivefeet-2008-12-21-0001/

I lived with and worked with and talked with actual, normal human beings…

Actual, normal human beings. Yick. Those fuckers creep me out.

One of the most profound regrets of my life is not being able to practice ophthalmic medicine in the age of lawn darts.

I’d have figured those repair jobs were usually left to a Mortician.
I mean, if you’re trying, it’s going to take out a lot more than just an eye.

“Of course not, you dickhead” could become the new “bookmark this, liberals.”

Moral Exhibitionism #1

Oh!

I was thinking it should involve one of those red pots on the tripod near the exits. And a bell.

I do not rely upon junk science or faux history or Marxist theory.

Random, context-free anecdotes are the best way to determine reality.

Can we give them all awards, you know, to help their self-esteem?

A remarkably low percentage of people name the bubonic plague as the worst disease ever*, so this is in its own way an endorsement of the bubonic plague, and quite surprisingly to me.

*According to data from people I talk to and stuff, not the fancy word-using types

“One of the most profound regrets of my life is not being able to practice ophthalmic medicine in the age of lawn darts.”

Cheer up, it’s not like you’ve entirely missed your window. An acquaintance of mine, whose father is an eye surgeon, once lamented: “he’s never spent an entire July 4th at home in my lifetime.”

No write in votes for Adam “Two Hundred Kilos Of Lard In A One Hundred Kilo Sack” Yoshida? Folks, I’m officially dismayed.

Ah, Rusty, that link is classic: little miss “I didn’t waste the good years of MY life being brainwashed in academia” denounces the town she grew up in as “a crappy place full of anti-intellectual slobs.” Living, working, and talking with these common clay of the new west types during her formative years was obviously where she actually got most of her “knowledge of how the world really works.”

That’s a good idea g, SN should have an end of the year award show. The Westminister Wingnut Show. I vote the Pantload for best of show but Amy has good confirmation and strong lines. I’d give her an honorable mention.

Gerald Curl said, December 23, 2008 at 17:29

I have a little Shaidle
I made it yell in hate
And when it’s drunk and angry
Then Shaidle I will bait

Shaidle, Shaidle, Shaidle…

(Cartman)
Shrews – make stupid claims!
Shrews – that’s why they’re lame

(Stan)
I will try to match her spin
I made sense, I’ll try again

(Mr. Brazlovski)
Sadly, No! I love you!
You’re so hot on your blog

Everybody now!

…such as this one from Professor W.B.

i nominate justanamericancindy4 from Rosettasister’s blog.

From the lovely Ms. Althouse:

I’d say this is great news for Cheney. Only 23%. Because it’s not as though most Americans have a whole list of ex-Vice Presidents to call to mind at a moment’s notice. Most everyone knows Cheney. And then who? Were they tested on the depth of their knowledge? Maybe they remembered Al Gore, and also George H.W. Bush. And yet only 23% put Cheney last. I’d say that’s a big pat on the back for Dick.

You dummy, they weren’t stacking him up against other individual VPs, they were taking stock of the general statement. Why even attempt to defend this?

Anyone catch these modifications of the old ‘Cathy’ cartoon?

“Blogress” being key. Adam in a Mu?umu?u is a little frightening to me.

I don’t know about you, but I really want to see Glenn Reynolds and Michelle Malkin interview Michael Steele and “Joe the Plumber,” right after I watch Dr. Helen turn the tide of radical feminism by interviewing men’s rights advocate Dr. Glenn Sacks…

…right after I take this cyanide pill.

No, wait, this is some valuable data.

I didn’t realize that I could simply designate any statement I make as a statement of fact and from thence forward it may not be questioned, nor do I ever have to provide evidence to support my claim. Merely the act of stating certifies the, uh, factualness of the statement.

Ready? Here we go:

I have Zinc Buttocks.

And no Junk Science can prove that I don’t, Dickheads…

mikey

NO!

NOT HTE BUTTOCKS!!!1!

Are The Buttocks the Jews of liberal ass-ism?

What a pleasure to sleep in then find S,N! engaged in a most excellent ratfuck. Merry Xmas!

Update: Seven feet of diarrhea in a five foot bag is way ahead.

Miss Atilla responds:

Are campaigning for Kathy Shaidle in the Conservative Blogress Diva Contest over at Gay Patriot. They’ve give us all little punny names that are supposed to insult us; I’m “Old Mrs. Attila the Gun,” which makes me sound kinda married, yet spinster-like, at the same time. I rather like it.

I’ve decided to put the rest of my weight behind The Anchoress—such as it is. Apparently certain swaths of the Loony Left have decided that a woman’s mass correlates with the force of her ideas. Laugh if you like, but have you come up with any novel systems lately for estimating a woman’s intelligence or rhetorical force? I thought not. (WTF?!?)

Why not? I get that all the time. Mostly it’s from muddy-headed lesbians, but sometimes it comes from straight women. It’s as if they are so tired of male condescension that they must have someone to talk down to, and The Short Chick is it. Oh, and men also pull this crap: a few males like to act as if there is something childlike about a small woman. (Also: medium-sized women, and tall women.) I barely notice that any more, though.

So go to Gay Patriot and make your feelings known; fill in the ballot for Kathy Shaidle, too, if you like: after what their Human Rights Commission has put the Northern Blogosphere through, I’d love to see this award go to a Canadian.

I have Zinc Buttocks.

And no Junk Science can prove that I don’t, Dickheads…

My muriatic acid Erlenmeyer bidet says otherwise.

I was going to try to find a picture of Shaidle standing so I could try some idiotic animated GIF, but the image search is really really creepy.

http://images.google.com/images?q=Kathy%20Shaidle&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&sa=N&tab=wi

Nice. Prussian Blue right next to Obama/Wright.

Actual, normal human beings. Yick. Those fuckers creep me out.

Snorghagen has put his finger on it. Thank you sir!

By the way, I’m not sure that FFSIOS counts as The World’s Shortest Racist, since on one of the few occasions that I’ve caught the Jerry Springer Show, they had on a midget Klan member. But she tries harder.

Shaidle is not only way ahead – she’s close to an outright majority. This is a triumph for small, strange, reactionary women everywhere!

kc:

If she says her circumference is five feet, who are we to dispute it . . .

We dispute it because we are the ones who care about girth. Girth is much more important than length – er, I mean height. Ask anyone!

.

Kathy Shaidle of Five Feet of Fury 50% 650
Pamela of Atlas Shrugs 14% 177

Pammy is going to have to try bikini-blogging in December to pull this one out.

Dammit, RB, you broke the blog again.

Pammy is going to have to try bikini-blogging in December to pull this one out.

—

In what has to be the worst idea since lawn darts, the dim-witted Gay Patriots have decided to hold a contest

Pundita sez:

As all long-time readers of this blog know, paranoia runs deep here in Pundita-land. So my reaction would come as no surprise when I learned yesterday that on the same day Pundita had been placed among the nominees for consideration as Gay Patriot’s 2009 Grande Conservative Blogress Diva and that a Pundita essay, To the man who threw shoes at President Bush and missed, had been nominated for a non-Council entry in the Watcher of Weasels prize for this week’s best post.

Here is the whole of the Pundita essay:

To the man who threw his shoes at President Bush and missed

Your aim might improve if you got off your knees
President Bush and the sons and daughters of America gave you liberty
Freedom you must earn for yourself
For no man, no woman, may confer freedom on another
From here on you have a simple choice:
Return to the ways of slaves,
living you life dependent on the whims of a pasha
Or act in the manner of free men
May God bless those Iraqis who see the opportunity
and bravely fight for freedom
May God bless the Americans who’ve stood shoulder to shoulder with them

Xayywechkle Fining the Precious Dramaturg said,

December 23, 2008 at 21:04

You know, RB, change that last g to a d, and it gives me an idea—use insult nouns.

What a repulsive little hatebag. She and Malkin are like some bookends of evil. Bleah.

You dummy dickhead, they weren’t stacking him up against other individual VPs, they were taking stock of the general statement. Why even attempt to defend this?

Fixed your post for meme-ability.

Here is the whole of the Pundita essay…

T. S. Eliot just wishes he could poetify like that.

Pundita link for dramaturdical verismellitude:

http://pundita.blogspot.com/2008/12/thanks-to-gay-patriot-and-watcher-of.html

‘Baby you’re a rich fag jew’ indeed.

After I was first introduced to that particular line (in its “rich fat” incarnation) I listened to the coda of that song many, many times. And I could never convince myself that the line was anything other than “Baby you’re a rich man too.”

It is with great pleasure that I cast my vote for this diminutive ultrarefined distillation of hateful putrescence as the epitome of rightard femblogging. Must note that she is not merely trouncing the competition, she is plowing them under and sowing the earth with salt.

T. S. Eliot just wishes he could poetify like that.

I would like to add my dignitude to the sediment.

Keep voting! We’re only a little bit ahead.

Shelly- 69 – 5% (thinking about that number & Shelly at the same time made me throw up a little bit in my mouth)
Anchoress- 118 – 9%
Spammy- 178 – 14%
Shaidle- 667 – 51%

All others are below 5%.
HA!

Uh … I don’t know if anyone’s pointed this out yet, but it looks to me like you can vote more then once.
I think you know what to do here, folks.
Ain’t democracy grand?

It is with great pleasure that I cast my vote for this diminutive ultrarefined distillation of hateful putrescence as the epitome of rightard femblogging. Must note that she is not merely trouncing the competition, she is plowing them under and sowing the earth with salt.

Mr Chairman!

The grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat state of New York, home of the Macintosh apple, the fine wineries of the Hudson valley, the Long Island potato, the Empire State Building and the birthplace of that grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat liberal Democrat, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, casts its votes for Katie Shaidle!

It would appear that you’ve finally found a mate for Adam Yoshida. Can you imagine the offspring of such a union?

Yep. you can vote as many times as you wish.

I do enjoy a good, old fashioned rat-fucking!

Not surprisingly, the whole idea of giving a prize to a woman has left the commenters at Gay Patriot a little, er, flaccid.

From the Gay Patriot his own self, (comment #6 on the voting page):

All of our nominees are fab, but I have soft spot for Pam and I think she has earned the nod.

Gotta give it to you, Clif: you do know your wingnuts.

BTW, 5FoF is now at 51% (thanks, no doubt, to Sadly, No!).

Now at 53%!!!

May God bless the Americans who’ve stood shoulder to shoulder with them

Um, were our guys standing shoulder to shoulder with the iraqis while we were bombing baghdad, or did that only come after we occupied their country, deposed their government, disbanded their armed forces and imprisoned tens of thousands of them?

‘Cause while god’s diggin it, I’m pretty sure many iraqis are more than a little pissed off…

mikey

ahaha. man, this is really hard to parody. at the end of her post she makes reference to playing “the ‘studies & statistics’ card”.

pretty soon people will be playing the ‘evidence card’. communists.

This poor woman has some serious and unresolved issues … to whit

I loved my mother (my dying-at-the-same-time grandmother? Not so much. Sorry. Hey, you didn’t know her. Shut up. She gave Christmas presents she’d rescued from the apartment garbage room, ok? There’s “Scottish” and then there’s obnoxious) but I hated every minute I spent in Hamilton away from my “real” life. Why wouldn’t I?

That’s during a discussion of It’s A Wonderful Life

And here I thought I was a sad sack loser.

Oh my. She praises Steve Sailer. Steve fucking Sailer.

Are we sure someone’s not going to throw a tantrum and demand a superficial popularity contest award for male bloggers only? “End affirmative action!”

Found a poem of Five Feet of Fuckface’s.

“Contacts with Trotskyites”

Via the Google image list someone above linked to. Thanks!!

VADM Marget’s list, to give credit where it’s due.

All of our nominees are fab, but I have soft spot for Pam and I think she has earned the nod.

I have a soft spot for all of the esteemed blogresses. Indeed, knowing that they exist, that spot may never be hard again.

Oh look! Porn! I’m saved!

All of our nominees are fab, but I have soft spot for Pam and I think she has earned the nod.

Awesome. Maybe he’ll step in and take The Littlest DerAngel’s crown or dozen roses or battery operated device or whatever the prize is, spurring a Force Five tornado of H8.

‘Twould appear that there’d be about 50 to 60 votes there if Naughties hadn’t been to visit.

I voted for 5′ in the poll, but all things being equal I would have really voted for Schlussel. She has a post up about how Obama has his picture taken shirtless to appease the gays who are upset about Rick Warren. That’s top-shelf batshit right there.

Are we sure someone’s not going to throw a tantrum and demand a superficial popularity contest award for male bloggers only? “End affirmative action!”

Knock yourself out. I’ll chime in later.

‘Twould appear that there’d be about 50 to 60 votes there if Naughties hadn’t been to visit.

Oh great. Now GayPatriot is going to think he’s all that. It’s going to take at least four posts of him in that shitty T shirt of his to knock him back to earth.

Iiiichhh! I went and looked at the Pretty in Mink photos and found that my main Manne Coulter turned out to be the most femunine of the bunch. I’m sure I saw some of them in the final scene of The Bird Cage.

Yes, they did a good job of “spackling the hag” on Ms. Coulter.

Heh. Just went and voted again. At 53%, followed (distantly) by Coultergeist at 12% and The Nunnery at8%. We have a blowout. La Wankita has gone nuclear and vaporized the opposition.

“spackling the hag” on Ms. Coulter.

*making notes*

That’s a keeper.

The Sadly-Naughts are making a difference!
Shaidle – 828 – 55%
Spamela- 185 – 12%
Anchoress- 122 – 8%
Everyone else is less than 100 votes…
HA-ha!

The good news is that the bilious munchkin is far and away in the lead. The bad news is that GP is placing some nasty tracking cookie on the poll. They might throw out all her liberal-tainted votes.

G-d forbid we should queer the vote or anything.

Win.

What, there’s some kind of rule that when you vote you have to “mean it”?

Shit, don’t tell Norm Coleman….

mikey

I think she would have more votes with a better nickname, like ‘Five feet of finger food.’

“Five feet of Furry”

OMG. Like some commentors above, I was blissfully unaware of this nauseating bigot until I clicked through. Yikes! Like Sporkey, I was particularly floored by the very unfunny neighborhood names. 5 feet of fury is right – this woman is mad at the world, and there is nothing we can do to make it up to her.

The good news is that the bilious munchkin is far and away in the lead. The bad news is that GP is placing some nasty tracking cookie on the poll. They might throw out all her liberal-tainted votes.

Hmm, clearing out my cookies didn’t work.

But, AHEM.

If you nuke your cookies while using a modem that switches IPs, & you just copy-&-paste the link location into a new window, I believe your diabolical subversion of their reindeer games is pretty much untrackable – let alone if you’re also surfing Teh Intarwebz behind a proxy.

I’m just sayin’.

3 inches of brain stem.

“unterminated” brain stem

Undifferentiated protoplasm…

mikey

We’re talking about a stupid so profound it sucks in intelligence from minds across a broad spectrum and actually converts it into antimatter. This is an ignorance so overwhelming that not even the spelling of simple words can exist in the same place with it. Combine that with some of the raunchiest cases of vaginal self abuse, caused by the utter lack of any attractive qualities about the women housing the disturbingly fetid cavities, and you wind up with an entity so hideous it’s impossible for its physical manifestation to be viewed without nausea, headaches, vomiting, internal bleeding, black outs and/or unconsciousness, or any combination of the aforementioned. These “women” have “fans,” animals similar to those monkey creatures from the Wizard of Oz except without any of the redeeming qualities, and for those people this description of their idols needs summarization:
Ignorant bitches with nasty twats, highly toxic halitosis, beady yellow eyes and sagging foot long breast tubes.

Latest update :

Amy Alkon 4% 67
The Anchoress 8% 131
Ann Althouse 3% 52
Little Miss Attila 1% 9
Tammy Bruce 2% 41
Dymphna of Gates of Vienna 0% 4
Sondra K of Knowledge is Power 2% 28
Mary Katharine Ham of The Weekly Standard 1% 17
Rachel Lucas 2% 27
Michelle Malkin 4% 72
neo-neo con 1% 12
Pundita 0% 2
Kathy Shaidle of Five Feet of Fury 58% 986 LOL!
Pamela of Atlas Shrugs 11% 192
Debbie Schlussel 1% 24
Sister Toldjah 2% 28

Feel the Power of teh Sadly…

mikey

Nobody expects teh Sadly

OK, folks, now we’ve got PZ’s attention. …Should be fun.

Wow — someone named ‘Pundita’ has a whopping 2 votes! Maybe she needs to campaign a bit.

Attention Mgmt—

Have we not dealt with someone or some group leaving comments here and then linking back to them from right wing blogs and the like saying, “lookit those evil liberals”? Well, this looks like such an attempt.

good dawg, ckc, be careful! that might bring Cigar Skunk back!!

…I think the wingnuts would say “lookit those evil liberals” regardless of whether the quote was a ratfuck or not, and their followers are too dense to deal with context anyway.

I’d take Cigar Skunk over the Truth(sic) any day.

Oh dear, looks like they’re onto us – they’ve removed Shaidle from the lineup, silently. Gone from the actual options, but still listed in the links to where they’re all from below…

Five Feet of Futile Posturing: “people…trying…not to notice…that Asians and natives can’t handle their booze as well as Caucasians and Blacks. If you just accept this stuff, life is so much easier and less stressful.”

She’s right. I’ve got to stop staying awake nights fretting about the level of alcohol tolerance among indigenous Americans.

Well, maybe we should move on to another one – with the help of PZ’s minions we could force them to remove the choices one by one.

I vote for Amy Alkon (for old times sake!)

Five Feet of Faulty: “If you just accept…that Asians and natives can’t handle their booze as well as Caucasians and Blacks…life is so much easier and less stressful.”

I must stop lying awake nights fretting about the level of alcohol tolerance among indigenous Americans.

Simba/ckc — in right-wing (specifically LGF) circles, they refer to that sort of poster as a “moby.” Apparently because Moby (the bald techno music dude) once encouraged his readers to post fake inflammatory posts on right-wing blogs.

…over at Pharyngula commenter garble has kindly left us a link to allow us to continue to express our hope that FFoF will be the Blogress of choice. (wasn’t able to put it in a link – probably better cut and pasted anyway. – hope someone saves some screenshots of the tallies as they get close to “election day”)

http://poll.pollcode.com/exN2

(ooh – looky there! it linked all by its lonesome!!!)

Apparently the Joyeuse Chauviniste has declared Five Feet of Felch Queen the winner by taking her it off the poll. No way there are enough gay conservatives to catch her now.

FYWP. Non-union I guess, since it wouldn’t let me strike.

…hooray, I’m Moose Roadster Palin (my mother will be SO proud!)

(if you think that post is oblique – go up one to the Joyeux whatever one)

Our efforts appear to have bombed her straight off the roll call. I can’t help feeling that at least partly reaches our goal. (Greetings from Pharyngula, by the by.)

I think we have defined “The opposite of Viagraa’. Or possibly that should be the “antidote”.

“If you exprerience an erection lasting more than four hours, contact your doctor immediately…or just click this link…”

…perhaps Clif could add garble’s bypass link to the full ballot as an update.

(which he probably did while I wasn’t looking…aargh)

I did.

is that quote for real??!! wow.

…slightly OT – prompted by a commenter at the poll whose choice was “Dymphna of GoV”. St Dymphna is:

…the patron saint of those who suffer from mental illnesses and nervous system disorders, epileptics, mental health professionals, happy families, incest victims, and runaways.

…man, those saints sure do know how to multi-task!!

Five Feet of Faulty: “If you just accept…that Asians and natives can’t handle their booze as well as Caucasians and Blacks…life is so much easier and less stressful.”

I guess not having “backpacked around the world” means she never tossed a few dozen back with any White folk in England or N. Europe and then beat the shit out of each other over a footie match. Puke. Repeat.

wow, m. bouffant. thank you(?) for the link to the poem. here’s the important part, for those of you not in the mood to read it:

When I was younger I thought glasses would make me look smarter
and people would take me seriously but
and Tracey said Besides, men are just like contact lenses
cause men can be hard
and men can be soft
but mostly they can just get lost

wow. just wow.

Her book (signed by Mark Steyn!) is called The Tyranny of Nice. Presumably she just fed ‘Liberal Fascism’ into some kind of thesaurus script for the title; wonder if she did the same for the content?

The Tyranny of Nice. Jesus Rock-‘Em-Sock-‘Em-Robots-playing Christ on a fucking rubber crutch, these people are stupid.

Dymphna is the patron saint of the mentally ill, that oughta tell you enough….LOL…..so do we vote for these for their blogging or for Hillary’s Senate seat?

Shame on you, Bruce and Dan! Let every vote count!!

No, you just don’t get it. Disenfranchisement, like marriage discrimination, is a trivial abridgement of liberty compared to, say, a small increase in the capital gains tax.

And may I just add that the Goddamn Batman’s comments have once again made me soil me trews with wholesome laughter; though of course his/her nyms alone are usually enough to do that.

sadly though, the little attention whore will just add her election to the “i’m persecuted for my beliefs” file.

What vileness.

its letting me vote for her more than once, i’m totally acorning this shit.

Ah yes, Five Feet of Unfuckable Hag. Vileness, indeed.

lol she’s winning by a landslide.

Sadly, she’s withdrawn from the pageant.

Bruce and Dan are dickheads.

So the fix is in.

I like this comment from the GP:
…..All of our nominees are fab, but I have soft spot for Pam
Yeah, she makes me go flaccid, too.

Walt, people who hold views like those SHOULD be persecuted.

Vile indeed.

So is it just me, or all our the glorious nominees all single women? Coulter, K-Lo too.

No family to speak of, no husband, goddamn those conservative values!

So is it just me, or all our the glorious nominees all single women?

Pammy’s divorced. At least she managed to rope some sap into providing genetic material under the cloak of legitimacy…

On behalf of all Canadians, I humbly apologize for Ms. Five Feet (on a good day) of Fuckhead. She is our greatest national shame, after the current band of Conservative squatters on Parliament Hill.

This whole Wikileaks fiasco is pretty crazy. You should check out http://voteonwikileaks.com. It’s a recently launched website that seems to be going viral. They got something like 50,000 visitors in the first 24 hours of launch. It’s sort of like a crowdsourced collection of arguments against and for Wikileaks. As a blog owner, you’d probably find some of the opinions there a good read.