Another Brilliant Wingnut Plan to Fight Terror

Over at Renew America, Cynthia “Gays Are Not Gays” Janak has developed an ingenius plan to deter terrorists from bombing subways- ARM EVERYONE:

What if a terrorist goes into the subway with a backpack and the law-abiding citizen is armed? The terrorist puts the bag down and tries to walk away. The law-abiding citizens are able to stop the terrorist in his tracks and call the police on their cell phones. The law-abiding citizens restrain the terrorist and leave the subway while the bomb is being defused.

So if any of your fellow subway passengers put down their bags, pull a gun on them. Of course, people will think you’re some crazy mugger, and they’ll probably respond by pulling their guns on you. Pretty soon, the whole subway looks something like this:


That’s a pretty brilliant strategy, Cynthia. I think it’d be especially effective in deterring suicide bombers, since they’re so afraid of dying and what not.

But wait! Here are some more goodies from the same column:

You still think that you are free? Well read on if you dare.

Presently, we are not able to speak about or practice our religion outside of our churches, mosques or synagogues. We are not allowed to tell a joke about a Pollock, Jew and a Wop.

Because there’s nothing that better exemplifies freedom than a good Jew joke.

We are not allowed to sell our residence to anyone we want. We must surrender our property when ordered because of eminent domain.

Yeah, because it’s not like the Constitution gives the government the right to seize land for public use or anything.


Comments: 40


We are not allowed to tell a joke about a Pollock, Jew and a Wop.


A Jew and a Wop go into a bar, and the Jew is like, “I hear you Wops drink like fish.” And the bartender says, “That’s not funny — I’m a pollock.”



I believe it was the Guardian the reported that passengers saw the bombers set down their backpacks, but since none of them had guns (commie-hippy brits!) they said “fuck it” and decided to get all blowed up.

(Can’t use “fuck” in the URL space in this comment page? Commie-hippie sadly-no’ers!)


It would make her point a lot better for her if the column just stopped after the non-joke about the Jew, the Pollock, and the Wop, and she was never heard from again.

I’m pained to think too much about it, but I gather by “not free” she means “not free to not have someone say that ethnic jokes are offensive” (and how likely is it that she knows anybody IRL who would be all PC?) but she’s leaving off the corollary that she would be completely free to tell this imaginary person that they can take their offendedness and stuff it.


a pollack, a jew, and a wop decide to go out drinking. the pollack and the jew walk into a bar, and the wop ducks.



Call me crazy, but if somebody puts a bomb down on the subway, I’m getting the hell out of there.


But… A ‘pollock’ is a fish — or an abstract expressionist.


Yeah, shouldn’t the joke be about a Pollock, a Klee and a Kandinsky going into a bar…?


I was in a Philly subway station just yesterday and someone had apparently forgotten her purse. It was sitting on a bench and no one knew whose it was. No one acted scared of it & no one shot anyone.

Since when do the people who come up with this stuff take mass transit, anyhow?


that’s what i get for trying to fix cynthia’s typos, danm editorial habits. i’ll leave that to the experts in the future.


some editor, danm. i quit.


This same idea was proposed by the character Archie Bunker (on the TV show “All In The Family”) as a deterrent to hi-jacking airplanes (i.e., arm the passengers). Sadly, although the writers of that show were trying to be funny, their proposal still made more sense than this one.


That’s a doosey of a column from Cynthia this week. I enjoyed this passage:

We are not free. As I have been telling you, we are a state of the UN. The United States comes under the heading of the Organization of American States, which is a state of the United Nations. The OAS is nothing more than the EU in America. Now, I am not saying North America or South America because it is the goal of the UN to make it all one entity by 2015. That is ten years away. Not very long is it.

She displays such a lack of knowledge of world affairs and international law and treaty organizations, etc. (not to mention grammatical errors) that it hurts to even parse this mangled paragraph. She did at least get one thing in the paragraph right: 2015 is 10 years away. Good job Cynthia!

Personally, I am very frightened about this whole merging of North and South America thing. Will my gulf-front property in Florida become Venezuela-front property in Caribbida? Where can I find out more?


Watch your asses, people. This woman was trained as an administrative specialist.


Her scenario is more likely to resemble the penultimate scene of “The Wild Bunch.”


You missed best part. The add on the Renew America webpage for:

“Silent Witness: The Untold Story of Terri Schiavo’s Death”.

…by Mark Fuhrman.

Now who says we can’t all enjoy a racist joke in America anymore?


Now, I’m no expert, but since in london we’re talking about suicicdal terrorists who are also Brittish citizens, wouldn’t they just buy a gun or too and shoot everybody rather then mess around trying to make a complicated bomb?

Just a thought. Also, what the heck does ‘wop’ mean?


Hmmmm, Janak, that’s Czech isn’t it? Anyone know any good Bohunk jokes?

I’ve got one, a Bohunk walks up a table where a Jew, a Wop, and Pollock are already sitting.
“Hey guys, Heard any good jokes lately?”
The Jew, the Wop, and the Pollack then proceed stand, lift their chairs, and beat the blue snot out of the mouthy Bohunk and once all his teeth are out, they sit him down and tell him about their people’s rich traditions of art, music, scholarship and most importantly Humor.


Seems like she hasn’t gone far enough with her plan. Instead of trying to arrest the bag-dropper, she should be suggesting that all those gun-totting rednecks pop eight rounds into his/her head as that is the only way to stop suicide bombers and Brazilian electricians.



WOP = Without pay


i had a great joke about the time jackson pollack met an italian jew, damn it. now i can’t use it.
and what if you had to put down your bag to draw your gun? like the time the italian jew named pollack saw a terrorist on a subway put down a bag and put down his bag to draw his gun and ate lead? crap, ok not a funny joke


“Let us say that the populace is armed. Jayne is at the 7/11 buying a gallon of milk, Frank is at the same 7/11 getting diapers for his new baby and Martha is there getting a cup of coffee before the start of her shift at the hospital and Raoul is behind the counter. Bill and Abel enter the 7/11, demand the money from the register, and point a gun at Raoul. Jayne, Frank and Martha drop to a firing position and pull out their guns.”

Suddenly Jayne’s five-year-old son hurtles around the Frito-Lay display and drops a liter bottle of soda in surprise at seeing the stand-off. Martha fires at him instinctively, fearful that a third member of the criminal group has gotten the drop on them. Bill brings Martha down with two shots while Abel shoots Raoul, who hasn’t had time to reach for his gun. Frank takes out Bill with a shot in the back, but Abel escapes with $359.00 from the cash register.

The mayor awards Jayne’s five-year-old with a posthumous medal for bravery under urban fire. Raoul’s widow and two children get double-indemnity on his $15,000 employer paid insurance policy. Martha’s husband is stricken with grief at her death, and is on suicide watch in a mental health institution. Bill is paralyzed from the shoulders down, and is being maintained in a semi-conscious state with a feeding tube.

The mayor is chuffed, because it’s not nearly as bad as the incident a few days before when nine people died during an attempted bank robbery, including a security guard killed by a nervous bank patron.


If everyone had guns, as we see in cowalker’s example, there would be a much greater chance of a Pollock-Jewish-Wop-Mexican Standoff.


We can’t tell jokes about “Pollocks,” Jews, or Wops anymore? Dammit, there goes the toast I’d written for my friend Vaclav Wasserstein-Fanuzzi’s rehearsal dinner.

Can we still tell jokes about Micks, Krauts, Spics and Chinks, though? Or are we restricted to Canucks and Frogs?


I did my masters thesis in Fisheries Oceanography on the Pollock, and I can personally say that I’ve been persecuted for trying to make jokes about them. MANY TIMES. I just thank God I didn’t include the Walleye Jew and Striped Wop in my grant application, or I never would have been funded in the first place.


I LOVE when white people talk about how “oppressed” they are because they can’t tell ethnic jokes anymore. What’s that I hear? Is it the smallest violin in the world?


“There’s a black feller, a Pakistani and a Jew, standing in a night club having a drink. [Pause] What a fine example of an integrated community!”
Bernard Righton, about 10 years ago.


As an American, who happens to be half-pole and half-wop (Woppole? Nah. Polop? Ugh!), I’d like to say that I can make you an offer I don’t understand.

But seriously, folks! “Wah wah wah, I’m a well-to-do white woman, and I can’t make fun of anyone!” Suck it up and get a life.


Q: What’s the difference between a wingnut and a soccer ball?



The soccer ball goes away when you kick it?


Wah! That’s better than the other punch line.


What’s the other punchline?


With a soccer ball, you’re only allowed to kick it.

Or something like that.


You still think that you are free?

Fuck no! America stands for Freedom. But if you think you’re free, try walking into a deli and urinating on the cheese.


“Just a thought. Also, what the heck does ‘wop’ mean?
Posted by Christopher

Actually, some time back on some show on the History Channel whose title escapes me, it was said that “wop” originated during a period of time when great quantities of Italians were emigrating here somewhere toward the beginning of the 20th century. Many of then just came over, essentially “illegal aliens” in today’s idiom. They had no official documentation. At Ellis Island, New York, the staff started referring to them as WOPs: With-Out Papers. It has since become a more generic insult to those of Italian heritage.


Marq’s got it right. Basically, it’s your best bet if you want to start a fistfight with an Italian. But by all means, righteous church-going women should be able to use it for titters.

I think the jokes she’s been forced to repress go something like this:

Janak: “Wop!”
Congregation: [uproarious laughter]
Janak: “Kike!”
Congregation: [crying laughter, sides splitting]

wop : italian :: mentally deficient grammar challenged greedy bigoted lying hypocrite gunslinging wingnut bastard : republican


The law-abiding citizens are able to stop the terrorist in his tracks and call the police on their cell phones.

Her cell phone works in the subway? Man, when I was living in NYC, I couldn’t get halfway down the subway entrance stairs and still have a signal. Methinks Cynthia is well on her way to having a phone-shaped tumor the size of a mango sticking out of the side of her attractive pinhead.

The Dark Avenger

Heinlein wrote of a society where everyone was either armed or wore a brassard that indicated they weren’t to be shot at, being weaponless and all that.

Of course, he was wise enough to produce a context where folks weren’t drawing on each other all the time, (reduce the collateral damage and all that), and of course armed robbery was out of the question, it being a cashless society and all that.

I suggest that she move to Haiti, where terrorist bombings aren’t common, and the populace is awash in easily-obtainable firearms.


“Of course, he was wise enough to produce a context where folks weren’t drawing on each other all the time,”

Just as long as they weren’t drawing on hogs either.


Janak’s got a brilliant plan, all right, but she’s forgotten something:

Let’s say everyone on the subway is armed. Janak’s riding to Bensonhurst to check out a used car that she saw advertised. She tells her funniest wop joke. Remember a game on Sesame Street called, “What happens next?”


A person of Polish extraction and another person who professes the Hebraic religion encounter an Italian gentleman or lady in a certain architypical setting. Serially, each performs zany antics, exemplifying in a humorous way his or her ethnicity!


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