I read some of Marie Jon”s editorials. I think that she has a problem with liberals.

i suspect the same. gosh, i sure hope she can clear up that liberal infestation or whatever it is she’s got. perhaps i should send her some vagisil.

“lascivious” and “filthy”? Woo-ho! That’s what I call a champagne blurb.

Strong words gentlemen. Wear them with pride.

Okay, who’s been threatening Marie Jon’?
With a site count of a hundred seventy five, it shouldn’t be hard to figure it out, buddy!

I used to try to explain to people that grunge was my city’s way of demonstrating that “any idiot can sing”. I firmly believe that blogging is a clear demonstration that any idiot can write.

Sadly, No!, you guys are sort of like Pearl Jam. Marie, on the other hand, is some kind of unintentionally-ironic solemnly-attempted Plastic Bertrand cover band with three broken electric guitars and a half-dead snake wrapped around the drumset.

It’s pretty hilarious, and God knows we need *something* to watch while we’re getting drunk–but I ain’t buying their cassette to take home.

Wow, Marie spelled “lascivious” right. Marie, I’m so glad you’ve finally found the dictionary! Yay!

Ya think it was the million hits that sent Whack Job’ over the edge?

Umm. She didn’t even get the Rodney King quote right.

If she doesn’t recognize you, then why did she take the time to run spell checker?

Oh, and congrats on the million hits. I think you should find a way to cheat and get up to 2 million by next month though.

Surely there’s a period where a colon should be in the “bonus update”:

“I do not take my personal safety as joke from people that are emotionally unstable: Marie and her family”

Marie and her family wrote a hate email together? That is today’s GOP in a nutshell.

What’s really upsetting is when she says she’s going to forward the page to ‘appropriate people.’

We’re all just so inappropriate. What’s she going to do, forward it to Matt Yglesias?

Flip, there definitely was a colon in there…

Or how about this?

I do not take my personal safety as joke.

-From people that are emotionally unstable: Marie and her family

You are being informed. Harassment is against the law.

Funnily enough, the “MG Law Firm” has the exact same IP address as Marie.

It looks like we’ve found Sondra K’s official heir…

I’m sure you will all be shocked, shocked, when I tell you that there is no MG Law Firm in the city of New York. Either that, or their phone number is unlisted.

Thanks, Mike.
Shocking! It’s almost as if she was making something up….

Don’t most lawfirms keep unlisted numbers? I mean, that keeps them from being bugged by potential clients and all….

You’re just jealous because you’re not gorgeous looking like Marie Jon’ and me!

Marie, if you are reading this, tell us what it is you think is a threat or harassment. Honestly, I don’t see one word that does anything but make fun of your writing. As a conservative, don’t you think it’s a little inconsistent to ask the Nanny State (in the form of the liberal, activist-judge-ridden judicial system) to protect you from these imagined threats? Aren’t frivolous actions like the ones you threaten going to raise taxes for us all?

But…law firms often serve legal notices in the comments sections of blogs, right?

This is all so confusing. I hope we’re not in trouble.

*Bzt* Warning: if you hu-mons do not desist mocking Marie Jon’, you will be disintegrated! *Bzt*

From the footer of Marie Jon”s editorials:

“Marie attends nursing school in her state. She loves people of all ages, ethnicity, religions, creeds or color. She is a born again Christian that shares her faith openly. Her writing style is down to earth. Marie’s family comes from a long line of Democrats. Most all have joined Marie in changing their Party hats to the Republican Party. Marie is Founder of People Political Website.”

1) Down to earth is one way to describe her writing style. Wouldn’t be my first choice.

2) I guess that her love of all creeds doesn’t extend to liberals, quakers, leftists, Democrats, etc.

3) You get a party hat if you become a Republican? Sign me up!

I really hope this gets you guys on some white trash version of “the 100 most dangerous ____ in America”.

Marie, honey, you never should have gone to those rat bastards at “MG Law Firm”. “I can’t believe it’s not a law firm!” would’ve been a much better choice.

Now that you’ve found your dictionary, Marie, here’s your new word for the day: barratry.

Uncle Mike: You should have looked for the law firm under M’G’ Law’ Firm’ New’ York’

Marie, honey, you never should have gone to those rat bastards at “MG Law Firm”. “I can’t believe it’s not a law firm!”

I guess that Wade Blasingame was busy.

He he. So typical. Nobody loves a good personal persecution like a born-again Christian Republican.

You’re not in trouble, boys. If I remember my statutes correctly, official “cease and desists” must come by Registered Letter, not by Delusional Postings accusing someone’s blog of ‘harassing’ them. Sure they can fire a ‘shot across the bow,’ but big freakin’ hairy deal. If they REALLY want to claim ‘harassment,’ there are proper procedures already in place with the various ISPs out there. Just spouting “you have been informed” is NOT a proper legal notice. It’s a long, tiresome and money-intensive process, and unless there’s some serious libel or slander issues involved, hardly anyone has the cojones to undertake such a mission.Now being ‘threatened’ by some fictituous entity IS a violation of an ISP’s Terms Of Service. So if MJ’ (or her minions) doesn’t cut that shit out, she may have to go shopping for a new provider soon. It’s just a matter of time before some reports her to the authorities.Rest easy. We’ve got your back. I’ll send you my bill later today (kidding!).

Cheryl has our back but who has our all important fronts?!??!?!?!?!?!?/

I need help with my new song. It’s sung to the tune of the Brady Bunch theme song.

Here?s a story
of a lovely lady
Who had a website
of her very own
It was filled with
errors and hate
Some might even call it??

The Marie Jon? Family
The Marie Jon? Family

“Marie attends nursing school in her state.”

They let people attend nursing school in a paranoid delusional state?

Good one Hemlock!

A cease and desist letter can come by any proper method of conveying a message. It’s just a letter that says, uh, cease and desist. It need not be registered or certified mail, though it’s probably best if it is in ink on paper rather than, say, crayon on the side of a cow. I suppose someone could post a comment saying:

“This not-fictitious law firm represents Ms. M. J. Whackjob. It has come to Ms. Whackjob’s attention that your so-called ‘blog on the Internet’ has taken to harassing her verbally, correcting her grammatical and typographical errors and committing not less than three forms of heresy, and she demands that you stop forthwith as you are interfering with the reception through her foil-covered colander. Please be advised that if you do not immediately cease and desist (Actual Official Law Language!) from such activities, Ms. Whackjob will be forced to bring the full measure of the law to bear against you (First Amendment excluded). TAKE HEED AND REPENT, LEST YOU BE SUBJECTED TO OUR MYSTERIOUS LAWYERLY WAYS!

A. Real, Attorney (Really)”

But they couldn’t guarantee that anybody would read it. And then it might be hard for them to claim that the evil behavior continued after a clear warning, which they would want to do to enhance their claim for damages and injunctive relief. Plus, if anybody did read it, they’d make fun of it, and the law firm would have to step out of the case so it could bring its own case against Sadly, No!

Note: I am not an appropriate person.

Here?s a story
of a gorgeous-looking lady
Who had a website
of her very own
It was filled with
errors and hate
Some might even call it…
Sadly, Not Great
The Marie Jon? Family
The Marie Jon? Family

crayon on the side of a cow

If I ever get divorced, I’m serving papers this way.

Woohoo- you’ve been threatened with legal action!
God bless America- and even more appropriately, you’ve been threatened with a legal action that would be laughed out of court by any judge in the country (even Robert Bork).
This, truly, is the American Way.

Mmmmm… “lascivious”.

You have to roll your tongue around your lips when you say it though, dear.

Until Marie Jon”s boyfriend shows up here, posts abusive comments and offers to beat you up for insulting such a sweet and genteel lady, I don’t think she can be considered a worthy heir to Sondra K. Also, Marie Jon’ doesn’t have a picture of her ass in a thong on her website. Not class at all.

Well we don’t know for sure if it’s Sondra K.’s ass.

I mean, it doesn’t have a Yosemite Sam tattoo on it or anything.

BTW, Thanks, Cheryl and Dan!

Separated at birth?

Whitney Matheson

Whack Job’

We should all break out our tinfoil hats to keep Marie’s “people” from sucking out our thoughts for her machine of…

I’ve said too much.

I think the “cease and desist” letter from St. Loony-on-the-Bun-Cream-and-Jam, Attorneys at Law, actually reefers to a comment Gavin posted in the last thread that quoted from the Book of Revelations. Yes, Marie seriously thinks that Sadly, No is threatening her with Biblical plagues. No, really!

Or possibly that she thinks he’s going to sneak into Heaven with a ballpoint and cross out her name from the book of life.

Both are credible threats, really.

Oh my god, this has to be the funniest post/thread ever! I just had to comment, because I want to be included when the rest of you are referred to the appropriate people. Field trip!

Dan Someone: You are my new hero. I imagined your comments being read by Harvey Birdman’s Reducto, and am still laughing.

Or possibly that she thinks he’s going to sneak into Heaven with a ballpoint and cross out her name from the book of life.

Oh, your name doesn’t have to be in the book. You can just show up in Heaven with it crayoned onto the side of a cow.

…and I’m happy to see that a quote from her e-mail made it into the header. I was actually just about to suggest that.

Let me guess – one of you unwashed heathens threatened to kick her husband in the bage.

Liberals, are nasty “people” who – like – mocking REAL Americans.

You are being informed. Yes YOU, Mr. Sadly! Grammar harassment is against the law. STOP STALKING MARIE’S BLOG!

We are NOT walking Marie’s dog!

Who’s starting these rumors?

Dude, you were blogging Marie’s stalk?

Okay, maybe I was mocking her fog. But you, sir, were chalking Marie’s hog! And we all saw it too!

I don’t even know what that means.

With chalk… Writing stuff on it.

I don’t know; it just rhymed, is all.

Oh, kinda like squawking her log?

You are hereby notified. Squawking of logs is illegal.

Chalk on a hog is far inferior to crayon on a cow. One good rainstorm, and whatever you had written on that hog is gone.

Also, if you’re going to write on a cow with crayon, you can use white crayon to make it a secret message to be revealed only when the cow is dipped in Easter egg dye. Top that, hog chalkers!

Hog chalking is a threat to my cow crayoning lifestyle. I propose an ammendment to the constitution to ban hog chalking and the sick bastards that practice it.

What’s even worse, Greg, is that we can’t even make jokes about hog chalking or log squawking anymore!

Can I bring suit against Marie? She sneaks into my dreams and steals my best jokes.

Sadly, I couldn’t MAKE that shit up.

There are those that claim that they are born hog chalkers. To those people I proclaim, SADLY NO! Hog Chalking is a choice pure and simple. A choice made by weak, filthy lascivious people that write mere blogs. How do I know you may ask? Well my friends I have something terrible to admit. When I was young and in college I experimented with hog chalking. At the time I thought that hog chalking was cool and alternative. I had no interest in the traditional cow/crayon lifestyle. Since then after accepting Christ as my savior and Marie Jon’ as my prophet/counselor I have left behind my immoral hog chalking lifestyle and have established a beautiful relationship with a gorgeous-looking cow and a sturdy little crayon (burnt sienna). I have never been so happy. Sure occasionally I see the unblemished pink flesh of a hog and become aroused but now I know that is sick and wrong and that the true path to happiness requires a human, cow and crayon. Remember my friends the Bible states quite explicitly in Wingnutious 6:9 –

?Do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the Kingdom of God? Do not be deceived, neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor appliers of chalk to swine, nor thieves, nor drunkards, nor the covetous, nor revilers, nor swindlers, nor touchers of Seb?s male bage, shall inherit the Kingdom of God.?

I had such a crappy day yesterday, and then you guys go and cheer me up — I’m still grinning like a clown. So I don’t know whether to damn you all to hell or give you sloppy face kisses instead.

SANTORUM: Every society in the history of man has upheld the institution of letter-writing as a bond between a crayon and a cow. Why? Because society is based on one thing: that society is based on the future of the society. And that’s what? Colored wax. Bovine relationships. In every society, the definition of letter-writing has not ever to my knowledge included hog-chalking. That’s not to pick on hog-chalking. It’s not, you know, chalk on sheep, chalk on chicken, or whatever the case may be. It is one thing. And when you destroy that you have a dramatic impact on the quality ?

AP: I’m sorry, I didn’t think I was going to talk about “chalk on chicken” with a United States senator, it’s sort of freaking me out.

I’ve been keeping up with this for several days now, and I also wish to be referred to appropriate people. At least appropriate people don’t dare let the crayon of a cow touch a hand that has held the chalk of a hog. Please be quiety ashamed of yourselves, and chalk your chickens somewhere besides America! (Maybe canadia would be better)

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Laughing at you! Sadly Yes is so funny.

but colaur on my home bage my email