Wingnuttery Hall of Fame (So Far)

There’ve been tons of great suggestions for the Wingnuttery Hall of Fame so far. Let’s take a look at the highlights…

First, here’s Peggy Noonan’s ultimate masterwork, “Why Did They Do It?” In this excerpt, Peggy ponders how Ronald Reagan would have handled the Elian Gonzalez affair:

And some of us, in our sadness, wonder what Ronald Reagan, our last great president, would have done. I think I know… Mr. Reagan would not have dismissed the story of the dolphins as Christian kitsch, but seen it as possible evidence of the reasonable assumption that God’s creatures had been commanded to protect one of God’s children.

Now that’s wingnuttery at its finest.

Our next inductee is SZ’s secret boyfriend, Dr. Mike S. Adams, PhD. In a column dated October 13, 2004, Dr. Mike falsely accused Julia Boseman, a gay woman running for Congress in his home state of North Carolina, of being artificially inseminated with sperm donated by her own brother. Boseman threatened to sue Dr. Mike for libel and demanded that he retract the claim. A normal person would have felt humiliated and ashamed after making a such a nasty defamatory claim, but not Dr. Mike! Take a look at this passage from his “retraction,” dated November 15, 2004:

According to Boseman’s attorney, the following line from the editorial is false and defamatory: “Recently, (Julia Boseman) and her ‘domestic partner’ had a baby, which was made possible by a sperm donation from her biological brother.” Instead, the attorney insists that the sperm donation came from a sperm bank. […]

I think that we should do the right thing and print a retraction immediately. The aforementioned “defamatory” line should be changed to read: “Recently, (Julia Boseman) and her ‘domestic partner’ had a baby, which was made possible by a sperm donation from a total stranger.”

That’s Dr. Mike for ya- all class, all the time.

And here’s a classic from Larry Elder, where he accuses his neighbor’s cat of being a “radical socialist”:

Moonie, my neighbor’s cat, sits predictably outside my front door every morning at 7 a.m. Moonie expects breakfast, and if unhappy with that day’s selection — fish, chicken, beef — Moonie sniffs indignantly and walks over to the front door and meows for his immediate release… Safe, happy, full and entitled, Moonie sometimes sunbathes in my driveway, requiring me to literally get out of the car and move him when the roar of the engine and the car’s horn fail to rouse him.

OK, so Larry’s established that his neighbor’s cat is fat and lazy. But where does the socialism come in? Let’s skip to the part where Larry goes shopping and has an unfortunate encounter with an overweight commie:

Recognizing me from television and radio, the shopper said, “We probably won’t like each other. I’m a committed radical socialist.” Now understand the scene. This clothing store touts its high quality at reasonable prices. Tell me, does my “radical socialist” understand that the American system of capitalism, competition and free enterprise enable her to shop at this store where she, like my father, my uncle and me, sought reasonably priced quality?

Larry goes on a tirade about how socialists shouldn’t be allowed to shop or drive cars, and how his father worked hard his whole life and never complained about anything. Then he segues back to the cat at the end:

Some, however, like the “radical socialist” shopper — and my neighbor’s cat, Moonie — seem oblivious to the comfort, freedom and abundance that flow from America’s historically unparalleled opportunities. At least Moonie, however, in an occasional display of affection, will from time to time rub against my leg in appreciation.

So underneath that stern conservative demeanor, Larry’s just another lonely guy who longs for a nice radical socialist shopper to rub against his leg.

And finally, here’s a classic Ben Stein column where he compares Republicans living in Malibu to blacks living in the segregated South:

Feeling like outsiders, feeling as if we’re going to get our cars keyed if we have Bush stickers on them, getting trash thrown on our yard for having up a Bush sign — these are real. Getting denied screenplay credits because I worked for Nixon, those are totally real.

Yet, we’re here, meeting in smoky places, greeting and giving the secret sign in the fog out by Zuma Beach, more of us every day. And in the words of the Civil Rights song I used to sing when I marched for voting rights in Cambridge, Maryland, “We are not afraid. Deep in my heart, I do believe, we shall overcome some day.” Even in Los Angeles, even in Malibu, even in Hollywood. Tremble, Barbra, tremble. We are right outside your gates, with our truth. We are not afraid and we shall overcome.

Yes the similarities are all there. Sure, Ben’s ancestors weren’t brought to America as slaves, and sure, he’s never been denied a seat at a restaurant because of his party affiliation, nor has he been forced to drink from a separate water fountain. And yeah, none of his Republican friends have ever been lynched by the ACLU or Planned Parenthood. But let me tell ya… uhm… well… hm…

OK, so it’s a really retarded analogy any way you slice it (not to mention horribly insulting). But hey, that’s why it made the Wingnuttery Hall of Fame.

By the way, this is an ongoing series that I’m gonna do for a coupla weeks, so don’t get offended if I didn’t get to your nominee. In our next edition, we’ll read Lisa Schiffren’s magnum opus in the Wall Street Journal, where she calls Bush a “hottie.”


Comments: 37


You didn’t get to my suggestion! I’m totally offended!


SZ already covered it pretty well today- I’ll give it a week 🙂

Swanky Defender!

But where is the Good Pastor? Clearly, you need more EMPATHY TO SWANK!!


He’s coming, he’s coming, yeesh… besides, no one’s nominated a specific Swank column yet…


How about that one where he mixes his metaphors, creates words, and use bad grammar trying to prove an idiotically insane point?


The all-time, hands-down, no-question, swankiest wingnut column of them all by Pastor Swank is “Why Would Episcopalians Go Gay?” which you can find here and which I lambast here.


Clif- that’s a good one, but can it really compete with Kerry Crucifies Christ Afresh, Being Capable of Any Evil”?


Considering this hardness of heart, can there then be any deed too evil for John F. Kerry to champion if elected to the chief office of the land? Kerry would stoop to any low to see through his own opportunistic evils. That is not far fetched when realizing that for months the world has witnessed his total disregard for the Christ sacrifice upon the dreaded tree. Anyone who can so slay the Savior repeatedly can rationalize any sin as being proper.

I mean… that’s tough to top.


However, Kerrys let it be known to the world that they don?t care about womb babies, particularly if they are a nuisance to some female?s whatever.

Seriously, you can’t just make shit like that up.


It’d be a pity if the Swank-a-riffickest column didn’t contain his catchphrase: “homo nups.”


Swank’s columns are so good that we’re gonna have to have a vote to pick the two best.


Wah! There’d have to be an all-star tournament just to help narrow down the Swankiest of Swank columns!


Hey if we’re going to focus on Swanksterisms (and there are too many to list here), I think it only fair that we balance that out with motel minister Doug Giles, and his love of combining God and Guns.

Plus, he has some interesting metaphors and mangled English as well. I nominate his “Dirty Harry Church of Christ” column (sorry no link — I’m either too lazy or drunk or hopped up on drugs, per Marie Jon’)


Ronald Reagan would have run away and then attacked Grenada.


Hooray! Shoutout for wingnut Stein! I’m sure he was already on your list with that winner, but can I take credit anyway? Or at least get sympathy for having actually read it? It was the single most offensive thing I’d read that week and it honestly gave me a migraine. I believe it’s in fact seared onto my frontal lobe in sixteen point sans serif.
I used to twitch every time someone from my peer group said, “Oh, that guy from Ferris Bueller? He’s funny.”

Pazuzu's Petals

What’s the definition of “wingnuttery” Is it exclusive to religious or political wankers? Is Dr. Phil eligible for nomination, or is he more of a mustachioed colostomy bag?


That’s a nice fresh bottle of whine from Ben Stein. I was getting damn tired of hearing how unfairly he and his Watergate homies were mistreated by that mean old commie Mark Felt.


I admit that “Kerry Crucifies Christ Afresh” is a fine example of swanknuttery, but with the sad demise of, the text of this inspired bit of lunacy has disappeared from the Wingnut Wide Web, which I think must disqualify it from consideration.

While searching for “Kerry Crucifies,” I found a trove of “poems” by Swank which I felt I must share, particularly “Solitude in Wartime”. My favorite passage:

One loon erect
A sentry makes
To harbor watch
To sky survey

One loon erect indeed. Also pay careful attention to how the good Pastor gets all tangled up in his elaborate rhyme scheme. You can find the rest of Swank’s oeuvre here. Enjoy!


Sorry for the big line breaks in the last comment. It looked OK in preview. . .


In our next edition, we’ll read Lisa Schiffren’s magnum opus in the Wall Street Journal, where she calls Bush a “hottie.”

Oh, ewww!! Jeebus, Brad, are you tryin’ to put me off men or something?!?


Here’s one of my personal favorites: the Wall Street Journal’s Kimberley Strassel endorsing the white-trash “sport” of cockfighting to take a cheap shot at Hillary Clinton.Half Cocked

This should be a cause for concern, because whether or not you approve of cockfighting, Ms. Clinton’s bill is an affront to greater principles. To begin with, it tramples all over states’ rights. Worse, it threatens to eliminate a legal, legitimate, multimillion-dollar industry that conducts a thriving trade across the world.


Um, why does Larry Elder feed his neighbor’s cat? I mean, I am much closer to a radical socialist than to his beliefs, but even I don’t feed other people’s pets for them (although, given the content of the most popular pet foods, I wish I could).

And the only place Ben Stein could find to march for voting rights was Cambridge, Maryland, a tiny little village on the Eastern Shore? What, was he afraid of being seen or something?


I’d just like to pause and ponder the sheer indifference in the phrase “some female’s whatever.”


Well, it’s not quite mainstream, but www.(f-word) (stupid spam filter won’t let me link it or write it’s proper name)deserves at least an honorable mention for sheer idiocy.

The comments for this piece (http://www.(f-word);/read.html?postid=1378279&replies=19&page=1) which, while wingnutty (and more mainstream- it’s from the Guardian, a nominally left-leaning newspaper) is nothing special, are worthy of a place of honor beside LGF and FreeRepublic for their delightfully racist (and Bush worshiping)content.

(Just replace “f-word” with the proper term and you’ll get to the right place)


I would like to nominate Jonah Goldberg’s “Editor’s Note” in what can charitably called a “column”, which was profoundly pounded by Roy Edorso for the implicit (and often explicit) racism from the Doughy Pantload…it has to be read to be truly believed. The column also contains this gem:

“The investigating of a few thousand radicals and activists is not the same thing as the totalitarian debasement of language and morality that occurred in 1984. Railing against the nattering nabobs of negativism is not the same thing as declaring that War is Peace, or that Freedom is Slavery.”

Shorter Jonah Goldberg: “It’s okay to spy on COMMIES who express opinions that are critical of the government, for after all ignorance is strength. Note: I hate black people.”


Oops, forgot the link (from Edorso at alicublog):


To: D. Sidhe.

You ask:

What’s the definition of “wingnuttery” Is it exclusive to religious or political wankers? Is Dr. Phil eligible for nomination, or is he more of a mustachioed colostomy bag?

Yeah, the second one. Wingnut = Right-wing + completely f***ing nuts.

It’s a set. An argument can be made that the term can be used for left-wing nuts, but we’ve already co-opted it, so to hell with anybody who wants to quibble.


Indeed- whilst Dr. Phil is completely f**king nuts, he doesn’t really qualify on the political scale.
What fun would it be with the left-leaning wingnuts (like some of the commenters at Alternet)? Most of them don’t worship the Democrat establishment, which kinda eliminates one of the “fun” parts of wingnuttery.

Pazuzu's Petals

Bill, actually it was me who asked if greasy self-help tv personality smegma could qualify. Thanks for the info though. Funny thing is I made the same mistake today on this site in another thread! I just assumed that the author’s name and post would be within the same lines.

Pazuzu's Petals

Oh dear, I almost forgot Stockwell Day , former leader of Canada’s largest right-wing

party. This guy should be a shoo-in.Jeff Gannon, only

wetterEndzone StrutCulture of Slicing Up Grandma with an

AxePolitical movement or bowel movement?Bush, only with crayons


I swear it’s some kind of mind-control plot. I also today mistook one commenter for another and on the same blog was mistaken by yet a third commenter for being another one myself.
Get the tinfoil. Bush’s IQ is finally infecting us all.

Pazuzu's Petals

Oh D, you and your stories. “Jeff is a hot military stud, GOP kills brain cells.” Now let’s go back to that… white house … thingy… where our crimes and perjury …is.


This shit is hilarious, some liberal chick is trying to explain why she is not an antisemite for saying Iraq had no WMD’s. It has been going on for two days, I can’t stop laughing.


I don’t find it particularly funny, save for the crazy ass logic on Hurl’s part trying to pin anti-Semitism on the usually ranty and occationally overly long attempts to reason with a warblogger and his minions.
Especially when Hurl’s shown a tad of (dare I say it) dislike of Muslims (who are mostly Semites).
She is, however, quite correct in her defense of the article in question- the Israeli influence in the military and intelligence community is well documented (since, as Hurl is apparently a big supporter of that state, he should well know).
Mossad is quite effective (if brutal) in it’s tactics against the same enemies (radical Islamist groups) our government is, in theory, fighting (no so much in Iraq, at least when we invaded)- it would make a hell of a lot of sense that we’re listening to what they have to say, wouldn’t it?
Thus- by pointing out that the US government is using the Israelis as one of their primary assets in their “War on Terror” (in some cases using them beyond what is legal in the US)- she’s an anti-Semite?

Also- he comes off as kind of condecending and arrogent when he’s assaulting her (for being arrogent and condecending- which she occationally is).
The woman’s being kind of stupid by trying to preach to hardline Right-Wingers on their own ground, but his attempt to debunk her is at best pointless and at worst hypocritical on his part.

Hurl, I’m afraid, is too vanilla-fundie right to be considered for the Hall of Fame.
Sure, he’s hardline traditionalist “Christian” (I’m loathe to describe the form of religion he subscribes to as having anything to do with the teachings of Jesus Christ, but I suppose I shall indulge him- after all, everyone is entitled to their own religious preferance) and prone to non-sensical rants about the “evil Left”, but where’s the originality?
Accusing the Left of “not being tolerant of us, despite supposedly being the party of tolerance” is a bit well worn, don’t you think?
I mean, everyone does it and while it does indulge in a logical Mobius strip (where normal persons can realise where to cut the damn thing and let it be a normal strip), it’s hardly first degree wingnuttery.
Perhaps if, in a few months, Hurl manages to stay on message with something so logically untenable, you may have something for sheer resolve at beating a dead horse (see the anti-French types I gave links to).
Currently, he’s just a poor man’s Hindrocket(but at least he’s one who actually has the balls to fight the war he so dearly wanted).
Next entrant!


Well dang, I did not know they had to be *uniquely* insane. You sir have set the bar high for the bottom of the barrel. I will keep my eyes out for some contenders.


It’s the Hall of Fame, Goddammit- these are the wingnuttiest of the wingnuts… the standards are incredibly high!


Okay, I found out what the Jennifer Graham piece I wanted to nominate for the hall of fame was called: “NO BIG DEAL”. It appeared in National Review Online, on October 6, 2003. Both laughable AND insultingly condescending at the same time.


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