Fresh Nuts! Fresh Nuts Here!

Since old favorites like Renew America and WorldNetDaily just weren’t up to snuff today, I decided to scout the Internets for wingnuttier pastures. Thankfully, I stumbled upon The Christian Worldview Network, a website that bills itself as “Your Antidote for Liberalism and Christian Happy-Talk.”

“Thank God for that!” I said to myself. “I’d gotten so tired of those smiley-faced happy-talkers at The Rant. This website presents Christianity just like Jesus would have wanted- with anger, resentment and bitterness!”

I decided to check out one of the Worldview’s columns to make sure it didn’t have any namby-pamby “happy talk,” and sure enough, there wasn’t an encouraging word in the whole damn thing. So strap on your seatbelts, ’cause we’re about to read Jan Markell’s uplifting column, “Harry Potter: Politically-Correct Paganism.”


Chaos reigned in my home town July 16 at midnight. Little kids roamed the streets in ecstasy as they had just purchased the new Harry Potter book, “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.”

Y’know, if your kids spend their nights roaming the streets on ecstasy, Harry Potter should be the least of your concerns.

Most were dressed like witches and wizards. They are addicted, but not to righteousness.

I dunno about that- rolling e makes me feel pretty damn righteous…

And they just want to be like Harry and, if possible, attend Hogwarts’ School of Witchcraft. When told it doesn’t really exist, they are heartbroken.

You can tell Jan relishes smashing kids’ dreams by debunking their childhood fantasies. I bet she and her cohorts regularly storm local Kindergarten classes with banners that read “The Tooth Fairy is a Marxist Lie!”

Okay, so J.K. Rowlings is the second richest woman in England only preceded by the Queen because she can spin a good fantasy tale. There are “Christian Potter advocates” out there who will tell you that you can find God in Harry Potter. Entire denominations have endorsed him and respected Christian magazines as well. I have only a few paragraphs to persuade you differently so here goes.

And if one of the paragraphs doesn’t contain the phrase “You’re all going to hell,” I’ll be pretty shocked…

Harry Potter is a wizard. Excuse me, but how many times does the Bible warn of us wizards, witches, witchcraft, sorcery, spells, incantations, and more? Aren’t Christians to have no fellowship with darkness? (II Cor. 6:14-17) Rowlings says each book is getting darker and darker and she is right. He and his pals actually engage in between 75 and 100 practices forbidden in the Bible.

Holy crap! Characters in a fictional story are engaging in practices that are forbidden in the Bible!!! To make things worse, every literary masterwork contains characters even more sinful than Harry Potter! I guess the only way to protect your children nowadays is by forbidding them to read.

Some are pretty gross, in fact. It’s pretty tough to think about anything, “true, honorable, lovely, of good report, etc.” as it says in Philippians 4:8 when one is focused on Potter gimmicks. He’s almost always involved in occultic-type things including drinking blood and talking to the dead (necromancy). Oh, and Harry’s “shed blood” has magical powers. Shouldn’t that be a huge red flag?

Indeed it should. Say, Jan, did you know there’s a book out there even more insidious, subversive and ungodly than the Harry Potter series? This book is so reprehensible that it encourages people to commit an abomination that was strictly forbidden in Leviticus 11:10. What is this instruction manual for evil, you ask? Why, it’s A.D. Livingston’s Shellfish Cookbook!

“Unclean! Unclean!”

So the Potter plot may be fantasy/fiction, but the setting and characters promote an occult-based worldview that kids accept as truth in normal life. What’s cool in Harry’s life is cool in their world, but Harry’s world is surrounded and characterized by evil.

Yeah, that Ron Weaseley twerp has “future Ted Bundy” written all over him. And don’t even get me started on Hermione- that non-submissive little wench exhibits more defiance than any woman since Delilah. If I had my way, the bitch would be burnt at the stake…

Good and evil are just how you perceive it (situation ethics). There are no absolutes which is just what our post-modern culture needs. Harry is often rewarded for doing evil such as when he lies and cheats. Aren’t there about a dozen red flags by now?

Uh, Jan, have you actually read any of the Harry Potter books? (I’m gonna guess “Sadly, No!”)

The Potter books and movies cleverly mask the evil concepts by presenting evil in a fantastic and alluring child’s world. The biblically illiterate are fooled, and how sad when biblically literate parents are fooled and are just happy that finally their kids are reading.

Yes, Harry Potter is just too unwholesome for young minds to handle. It’d be far better if they just read the Bible, with its uplifting accounts of animal sacrifice, incest and mass murder.


Comments: 37


Harry Potter and the Half-wit Stance

Lot’s of blogs these days are writing about Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, hoping to lure in a few readers from search engines who are looking for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. At Ablogistan, we would never write…


I’ve read all the Harry Potter books, and I missed the part where he drinks blood. I understand that that’s something the Catholics do, though. 😉

On a more serious note, there are actually a lot of interesting parallels between Harry Potter and Revelations, if she would bother to, you know, think.


That’s all well and good, Kris, but Hermoine is still going to hell…


Without access to a modest palette of supranormal powers (deriving, in equal parts, from direct intervention with sephirotic entities by the leadership of my local Democrat-run Zoning Commission and routine Enochian dispensations granted on my behalf by the Horned Master), I’d barely have time to keep up with the lawn work, let alone pursue my epochs-old blood-hunt to break, humiliate and ultimately turn the Nazarene against his Father’s Divine Plan.

Jan Markell’s team has churches, TV ministeries and crazed milennialists/faithless, self-hating apostates (imbued nonethless with a faint spark of Redemption) shouting “Hosanna!” on every streetcorner — but if twice a year I get to leave work before 7PM, dance widdershins on the Brocken and rut with masked strangers in a frenzy of moonlit, cum-gobbling, Crowleian tantric force-focusing…somehow I’M cheating.

What a fuckin’ hypocrite.


Actually, I think J.K. Rowling (not Rowlings) is actually richer than the Queen. She’s also the first person to become a billionaire based simply on book sales. Wah!!


I may be wrong because I stopped at only three Harry Potter books, but I sure can’t recall Harry drinking blood OR lying and cheating.

But then, I suppose Wacko’s a more devoted Harry Potter reader than me?


Is it possible this was a parody? That picture looks an awful lot like Dana Carvey in his “church lady” garb.


“So the Potter plot may be fantasy/fiction, but the setting and characters promote an occult-based worldview that kids accept as truth in normal life”

Yeah, and watching a Micky Mouse cartoon convinces kids that mice talk and wear clothing. I wonder if this woman has kids? Or knows anybody who has kids? Or ever was a kid?


Just a little tip. You’re missing the best part of Jan’s article if you don’t go on to read the comments. Watching the wingnuts display their fervent belief in magic and witchcraft, while submitting those comments using technology so sophisticated that the EEs have to worry about quantum tunneling effects, simply beggars belief.

At the risk of being ironic, Heaven help us if these people ever achieve their goals end up running this country.


Scott, you’re right- the comments section is pure gold. Here are some of the highlights:

-“I agree totally with Jan Markell’s article. The Bible tells us to be separated from the world. No compromising. Christ is coming back for a church without spot or blemish. We must not indulge in activities forbidden by our Lord.”

-“Thanks for the good information. Unfortunantly, I was one who didn’t see the correct side of the story until later. This information is something I can actually listen to. My oldest son (8) wants to read the Harry Potter books, and I have told him no. I know his dad will allow him to, and I don’t agree. Thanks for pointing out the scriptures that warn us of having anything to do with witchcraft.”

-“Before I became a Christian I was lured into witchcraft with the role playing game Doungens and Dragons. Years later, with a rebelious lifestyle of drugs and alcohol, I was seduced even farther until the Lord saved me. Now the kids have Harry Potter to lure them into evil. Trust me when I warn parents about the effect thease books have on the curosity of young children and teenagers. Satan uses such books get your children to accept withcraft as “ok”, and will continue to try to poison their minds for years to come. Please do not allow your children to read the books or view the movies.”

-“Someone in one of the postings mentioned Star Wars, Even though this is fantisy, it has been said that it was created from a metyphysical aspect. I guess if we should allow Harry Potter to be a spokes person for Jesus then we should all invite the woman who channels Ramtha to be our teacher as well? Well not in any church that I go to . I totally agree with the author for writing this article. And Pray for those of the opinion that believe that it is alright to invite witchcraft into Gods house and among his children.”

-“Thank you and I agree for the same reasons. I don’t need to know anymore about them than that they are about sorcery to know these books are not right for my children. The Bible tells us in many places that God hates divination and those who practice it. My take on Harry Potter is that he is a tool being used today to train a whole generation to be ready for the Anti-Chirst.”


I need to pass on Jan’s article to my brother and sister-in-law who have expressly forbidden anything Potter, but allow LOTR because “witches” are mentioned in the Bible, but the word “wizard(s)” does not appear in any passages. (And they don’t have to read the Potter books to know that they’re EEEEEEvil!) I can gleefully note that it looks like they’re going to Hell, too!
Oh, and Harry doesn’t drink blood, but the Dark Lord does.


Oh, and last Sunday, two kids were reading the new Harry Potter book during our church service. All the adults and other kids were talking after the service about how far they had read or when they were planning to read the new book.


Final comment, I promise (at least on this thread!): I find it interesting all the picking and choosing of verses to bolster arguments. I just think WDJT (What does Jesus think)? I believe he said not to fight evil (“Resist not evil”). Maybe because we humans tend to go a little wacko with our fighting?


holy crap! Kirk Cameron is a columnist there too.


Cynthia, do your brother and sister-in-law know that Tolkien was Catholic?


Christian Worldview no fun?

Sadly, no, Sadly, no. I haven’t had that much fun since I got home from work. I posted comments. Of course, they won’t actually appear, because those self righteous bastards review them first.


Cynthia, do your brother and sister-in-law know that Tolkien was Catholic?

Indeed- quite the uber-devout traditionalist too.

To steal a line from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, I say emphaticly- These are fictional characters, fictional characters!

Besides- with the “Good vs. Evil in a hypothetical envoronment”, the books are perfectly reasonable. So long as you don’t think witchcraft is real, your in good shape as far as “normal” Christian leaders are concerned.

It’s like that fuss conservative Catholics over The DaVinci Code- every mainstream (and libearal) Catholics I know (myself included)liked the damn thing.
Fundies have to complain about something- that’s why it’s fun to mock them.


Oops- let me cap that Italic bit.


Of course, in the Harry Potter world, not every person is a witch or a wizard–if you don’t get your letter from Hogwart’s on your 11th birthday, you are pretty much safe from the temptations of witchcraft, no?

Also, I note that our intrepid columnist doesn’t actually cite any bible passages warning people to stay away from magic.


I guess the only way to protect your children nowadays is by forbidding them to read.

I was gonna say that it would include not reading the Bible; but you beat me to it by the last paragraph.

BTW, you forgot to mention the sexual references in the Song of Solomon, David committing adultery and killing Mr. Bathsheba so he could have Bathsheba for himself (sounds like a crappy Lifetime movie!), and…

Oh, screw it. Just go here…


Boy, I’m glad I was referred to this Sadly, No! by World O’ Crap, and then was able to proceed on to the Worldview site. Being a 17 year old, I’m especially suseptible to the evils of Harry Potter. Or wait, perhaps I’m actually smart enough to tell the difference between a fictious book and real life occult. And having just read the Crucible this year, I wonder if Jan is already making plans of who she will accuse of witchcraft so she can get their land, husband, etc.

However, the scariest comment I saw:
“Thank you for putting it so clearly with the Biblical backing. This is what I needed to be able to better express myself to other parents on the subject!”

It made me shudder. I certainly hope the parents they’re going to be expressing themselves to are of like mind, because the rest of us really aren’t interested in this drivel. That’s just me talking, though.


You filthy swines! YOU must have used your wizardly powers to make ME click on the ChristianWorldView link instead of the SadlyNo link, and I actually read several lines before I could retract my steps!

I am unclean! Unclean, I tell you! Harry, Hermione, forgive me! Aaaaah (bursts into tears and orgy of eating shellfish, coveting neighbours’ oxen, etc.)


I think it must have been witchcraft that made her hair that color at her age…..


The real redflag is “When told [Hogwarts] doesn’t really exist, [children] are heartbroken.” Either this woman is completely unfamiliar with actual children (who know the difference between what’s real and what’s a story perfectly well by the time they are old enough to read), or she is confident that her readers are.


I think it would be fun to tell people who have never read the Potter books that drinking blood, necromancy, and cheating are the lightest things in there. When they sacrifice the 17 virgins, that’s when the stuff really gets going.

The was a letter to the editor in the Charlotte Observer yesterday that pretty much blamed the Harry Potter books for terrorism.

Pazuzu's Petals

Seems there’ll be hell to pay if Jesus ever finds out I starred in “Harry Popped Her and the Prisoner’s Ass Got Banged.”

Betcha didn’t know the End Times has a theme song:

Scroll down to kr?kb?b? and click on the link immediately below.

The power of Shatner compels you!


“Good and evil are just how you perceive it (situation ethics).”
Yes, one character did say, “There is no good or evil. There is only power and those too weak to use it.” More Niztsche than situational ethnics but definitely the very thing wingnuttia is worried about. Except it was the Dark Lord that said it just before his first attempt to kill Harry. Not exactly a ringing endorsement.
As far as the cheating and lying, there is some of that, but usually for a good reason or else Harry pays dearly for it.
What an idiot!


It wasn’t until I started reading Harry Potter that I started with heroin and human sacrifice. Now I just sit in my basement, stoned, and kill puppies and kittens in my spare time. DAMN YOU HARRY POTTER!!!!!


As the Onion once put it: “I like Hermione because she is smart and has a kitty. Jesus died because He was weak and stupid.”

Hysterical Woman

I think the blood-drinking part refers to Voldemort, who in the first book drank unicorn’s blood to stay alive. Of course, this is shown as a despicable act by a very evil person. Heck, the Bible has Saul talking to the ghost of Samuel through the medium of a witch. Does this mean necromancy is okay?


Hemlock, is that a line from that The Onion story about the HP books that fundies were emailing to each other because they thought it was real?


Holy cow, have you *read* The Bible? There’s, like, guys in there doing *everything* The Bible forbids!
Clearly it’s pagan propaganda designed to lure the innocent children into lives of cheating, lying, and chatting with snakes who pose as greengrocers!


Yes, for every (over the top) worry about the evil Harry Potter, JK Rowling is thankful as she spends her money and works towards plotting the final book.
(Can’t wait to see small towns beging the book burnings on FOX news!)


Let me get this straight. World Nut Daily is shouting at the top of its voice that Osama bin Laden has nukes and is going to set them off next month in honor of the 60th anniversary of Hiroshima, and you pick… a diss of Harry Potter as the epitomy of wingnuttery?

Dear, wingnuts dissing Harry is, like, SOOO yesterday. But it’s not every day that World Nut Daily proclaims the end of the world is near!

– Badtux the Snarky Penguin


The Christian Worldview Network sure is a fun place to play. What surprised me was an article by Kirby Anderson about video games which I actually found myself agreeing with for the most part. I am the VERY LAST person that would agree with one of these fundamentalist loonies but he makes some really good points about “inappropriate” video games and surprisingly does not invoke the “Wrath of God” while doing so. This is a man who actually places the blame squarely on the parents for allowing their children to be exposed to these things. I posted comments and tried my best to make them “inoffensive” enough to get them posted but who knows. I’d be very surprised if they make it onto the site without being censored. But if you guys want more crazy shit from these people check out the article about yoga. If you do yoga as a Christian you’re going to hell. Just thought I’d tell you so you can repent now. NOW! before you do even one more “downward-facing dog.”


yall faggots! Kill harry potter


The whole thing is very simple if you can just agree on a few simple points. Harry Potter glorifies witchcraft. Witchcraft conjurers supernatural powers that are not from The Creator. The only other entity that holds these powers is Satan. If you do not believe in God’s Word, the bible then go at it and enjoy. You’re going to hell anyway. But if you do believe that the Bible is God’s Word and you whole heartedly try to obey it, then you should understand the luring affect of the occult. And that you should flee from these things for your own good.


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