He Could, But Then He’d Have To Kill You
Posted on December 8th, 2008 by Gavin M.
Shorter Stop The ACLU:
- Call me a kook, but why won’t Obama show anyone a copy of his birth certificate that we on the right have meticulously examined?
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
OK. He’s a kook.
Check the kerning on the Supreme Court Press Release- hidden in the spacing is a cry for help- OBAMA GOT TO THE SUPREME COURT!
Wow. I mean, if there was ever an open door to steal yet another election for the GOP, the SCOTUS closed it???
Wow. I mean, wow. Who are these guys?
I have the real birth certificate in my freezer. My hunting partner and I found it dead in the forest and we’ll be having a press conference soon. Contact me for exclusive rights.
I suppose we should have seen this coming, whirling in on the night with the UN black helicopters. The old conspiracies are back, and they’ve got a new little buddy!
Man, I’ll bet that Barry Husein X guy will ignore congress, spy on everyone, kidnap people, and torture them! He’ll lie to the public to start wars that nakedly benefit the politically connected! Panic!
Does API have a copy of the birth certificate? I only want to buy copies from reputable dealers.
I heard that Obama gave his Vault-sealed Certificate of Live Birth to the Comptroller of Certificates and then it mysteriously vanished after being bludgeoned by a bullet of cyanide.
Man, I’ll bet that Barry Husein X guy will ignore congress, spy on everyone, kidnap people, and torture them! He’ll lie to the public to start wars that nakedly benefit the politically connected! Panic!
Didn’t you hear?
Conspiracy is the new black.
Does API have a copy of the birth certificate?
They have the one from when he was a baby. I have a much better one for him as an adult, which I will sell to any interested party…
…that forks over $5,000,000 U.S. or equivalent in Krugerrands.
The columns in Ms. Dunham’s vagina after Barack’s birth show the effects of a controlled demolition.
Wait, what are we talking about?
Later, I’ll turn out that Chief Justice Roberts has been murdered and replaced with an “o-bot”. Then the o-bot will hear the case for Roberts’ murder and toss out any guilty verdict. It’s the perfect crime.
Er, I’ll -> It’ll. I blame Obama.
The columns in Ms. Dunham’s vagina after Barack’s birth show the effects of a controlled demolition.
I heard he was the Magic Baby delivery:
Back, and to the left… back, and to the left… back, and to the left.
The STOP the ACLU logo substitutes a hammer and sickle for the letter ‘C,’ when it should be a crescent and star.
Although, with the wingnut frothings about “socialist” and “marxist” towards the end of the election, they do seem to be turning towards more retro fear themes.
I’ve spent time in and amongst the API crowd for the past 7 weeks. I’ll say that this new development will not change their attitudes one whit. They really aren’t into thinking things through.
OT:
What’s the hot gift for the fighting 101st keyboarders this holiday season? Why, it’s a Cheeto Pet!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vjuVhoy108
(FYWP)
Also, please review his linked article:
To review: after raging screaming from pantless howler monkeys tore through the air, Obama released his copy of his Certificate of Live Birth. Apparently – not enough. Why aren’t Hawai’i state officials saying anything (other than their legally mandated duty to respect privacy).
Then Hawai’i state officials state that – yes Obama was definitely born in state. Not enough – why can’t anyone see the actual certificate?
Then FactCheck.org looked at the actual original document and said that it was genuine. The kerning folks could rest assured that the embossed state seal was in fact on the document. Not enough – why can’t anyone provide independent confirmation.
FUCKING INDEPENDENT CONFIRMATION FOUND, his fucking birth announcement in a local Honolulu paper from 1961… NOT ENOUGH!!!! Why doesn’t someone invent a time machine so we can go back to 1961 and watch Ann Dunham actually give birth, and while were there, take DNA samples back to the future for testing. Because, ONLY then can we be sure.
If only they applied one one-millionth of this amount of skepticism to the fucking talking points they receive in their Inboxes every fucking day.
All this sounds like a lot of trouble for people to go to, merely for the prospect of having Obama replaced by President-Elect Biden.
They really aren’t into thinking things through.
…Ah.
I have the original Indonesian birth certificate of your precious black J*sus which I will license the usage of in return for ONE MILLION DOLLARS in Zimbabwaen currency.
Obama’s going to require that all birth certificates follow the Fairness Doctrine, which will allow sleeper cells of Islamfascists to steal our identities and our children’s precious bodily fluids.
So what if Obama Hussein Dolomite X released a “Certificate of Live Birth.” Where on that does it say that it was a Human birth? Hmmm? Libruls.
No, I mean one ZILLION dollars.
Since it’s Zimbabwaen.
The goal posts of truth keep speeding back away from reality here. At first, the wackos could just walk them back. Now they have them aboard super-sonic transport.
RiM — I can give you one “Big Grab” bag of cheetos (original flavor) and a 20oz of Mountan Dew (Code Red) for said certificate. Consider my offer carefully or you may wake up zestfully dead courtesy of our new trans-human o-bot overlord.
You’re confusing skepticism with simple denial. Skepticism entails suspending judgment until the facts are in, and asking pointy questions. Denialism (or “lying”) involves shrieking loudly and ignoring said facts entirely.
I have the original Indonesian birth certificate of your precious black J*sus which I will license the usage of in return for ONE MILLION DOLLARS in Zimbabwaen currency.
Hold on, I’m sure I’ve got three pennies in my wallet somewhere.
Wait, do you take negative Euros?
I think I’ve figured out their game: They won’t accept anything less than the original birth certificate, placed in their hands, at which time they’ll whip out a cigarette lighter, burn it up, and triumphantly proclaim that, since there is no longer any original proof of natural-born citizenship, that the election is null and void and that McCain is president. It’s such a crazy idea, it’s gotta work!
POO POO CA CA
FYWP.
Hold on, I’m sure I’ve got three pennies in my wallet somewhere.
Some think that I’ve underpriced this commodity, but I’ll make up for it by dealing in volume.
The ACLU made me learn James Taylor songs left-handed.
For that they must think that every Czech president named Vaclav is the same dood.
For some reason I’m picturing Sheriff B. Hussein X holding a gun to his own birth certificate and telling the townspeople to hold their fire or the birth certificate gets it. “Put yer guns down, boys, I think he means it!” the morons cry to one another as Sheriff X slowly backs away.
But but but, when I went to get my passport, the government agency expressly charged with handing out passports – you know, by official legal act – required that I show them my birth certificate!!! How is that any different than random internet morans demanding that Barry X Husseian O-bomb-US do the same?!?!
But some guy with a Jewish-sounding name said to “pull it” so they must have used thermite to burn the original. No birth certificate has ever disappeared before, especially ones that still exist! Fire can’t burn paper! Inside Job!
Yes, MzNicky, Blazing Saddles proves every day to be the most forward-looking documentary ever made.
What is the tensile strength of a birth certificate and WHO PROFITED?
Tell you what, I’ve got NO birth certificate, which PROVES Barack X was NEVER BORN!
Send me your money NOW!
Like Willy says, the API folks aren’t much for critical thinking. It’s been interesting to see a progression of old posters gradually stop postingand new posters start by expressing their undying support for Sammy Korir, only to gradually fade away as they realise their’s nothing there.
In fact, it’s The Circle of Life (TM).
The truly sad thing is how desperate these people are to find something-anything-that invalidates Obama’s candidacy. They can’t quite explain why, they just KNOW he stole the election, and that he’s going to be the death of America, etc etc
The Birth Certificate is not so much a certificate of Obama’s birth as it is a record of his make and model. The unit was never designed to think on its own, much less formulate a plan to defeat its creators. Something went terribly wrong.
Hidden in a Vigenere cypher are the instructions for rebooting the Obama system and restoring creator control. No wonder they are so desperate to see it. The future of white, wealthy Republicans hangs in the balance. Meanwhile, Sarah Connor is freaking right the fuck out.
The birth certificate in question proves that Obama’s real father was Nicolae Ceausescu. I’m in negotiations with API to have it translated into Swedish, after which it will be marketed to Nigerean internet entrepreneurs (wouldn’t the French love to have a word like entrepreneur in THEIR language?).
Tell you what, I’ve got NO birth certificate, which PROVES Barack X was NEVER BORN!
Send me your money NOW!
Well, I’m convinced!
I’ll have my editor, Sammy Korir, get in touch with you for the wire details.
I think that the lack of evidence for a Kenyan birth and proof of a United States birth are the most troubling aspects of this case. It seems that Comrade Obama was born when and where he says. Which can only make a person more suspicious, these islamocommiefascists will stop at nothing.
I just have to go to the library and whack off onto some Romance novels now
Obama’s birth certificate was found mysteriously killed, its head and neck skinned and defleshed, the bones white and clean. The cuts on the birth certificate seemed to have been very precise. There was no blood at the scene, and there was a strong medicinal odor in the air.
The next day, API returned to the scene and found a lump of skin and flesh; when touched, it oozed a greenish fluid which burned the hand. They also reported the discovery of fifteen “tapering, circular exhaust marks punched into the ground” over an area of some 5000 square yards.
The United States Forest Service was sent to investigate. Among other tasks, they “checked the area with a civil defense Geiger counter and reported finding a considerable increase in radioactivity about two city blocks from the birth certificate.”
I had a long response ready to post. Alas, FYWP!
Shorter RBD:
#1- ok. He is a kook.
#2- The articel he uses to support his delusions actually is an article about how far fringe nutjobs go to deny a truth they do not like.
#3- His english is more not gooder than mine. “The Supreme Court…are…” – Plural problems.
Once more: FYYFPOSWP
I heard that Obama was born again into the Kingdom of Heaven, thereby invalidating his US citizenship.
i really love how they create their own mythos. one nutter posts that the USURPER has spent untold hundreds of thousands to not produce a ten dollar document; this turns into ‘he has three whole law firms, not lawyers, law firms fighting this—where there’s smoke there’s fire”.
of course, the simple fact that these lawsuits were filed against state and federal agencies, and the state and federal agencies sent state or federal lawyers to court — or that these were simply petitions to the court which require no lawyer from anyone but the petitioner, doesn’t ever come up …
oh wait…
they’re not into thinking things through
Those heaven elitists with their Holier than thou altitudes!
Wow. I mean, if there was ever an open door to steal yet another election for the GOP, the SCOTUS closed it???
The Supremes are savvy enough to know that, even if Obama was ruled ineligible, the Democratic electors would NOT install McCain. We’d probably be looking at President Clinton, which would mean we’d have to clean exploding head goo from the Court walls.
I was kinda looking forward to seeing this guy in oral arguments.
Misha I
That hurt my head just reading it.
Keyes is the only far-right pol I’m seeing all over this like, ahem, white on rice … & that makes me kinda sad … can’t we find a way to get Sarahcuda a seat on this particular bandwagon? Tell her it’ll buy her at least 2 or 3 more news-cycles of facetime – & that Teh Base will love her for standing up to the evil cryptosocialist conspiracy to steal the White House & sap & impurify precious Amurrikin bodily fluids.
Batshit insane is right up her alley, after all.
I ate Obama’s Birth Certificate with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
How come nobody ever demands to see BUSH’S birth certificate?
It’s depressing.
I am Obama’s birth certificate!
When the next GOP presidential pick is nominated, I think it’s incumbent upon the American people to demand video of him or her emerging from his/her mother’s vajayjay. And to have that video subject to analysis. And to have the mother’s vajayjay subject to the same analysis. Even if she’s dead.
I have the original Indonesian birth certificate of your precious black J*sus which I will license the usage of in return for ONE MILLION DOLLARS in Zimbabwaen currency.
How about a Nigerian IOU? I’ll forward you the e-mail.
Keyes is the only far-right pol I’m seeing all over this like, ahem, white on rice … & that makes me kinda sad … can’t we find a way to get Sarahcuda a seat on this particular bandwagon? Tell her it’ll buy her at least 2 or 3 more news-cycles of facetime – & that Teh Base will love her for standing up to the evil cryptosocialist conspiracy to steal the White House & sap & impurify precious Amurrikin bodily fluids.
Just tell her it will buy her another $180,000 in clothes and she’ll be aaaallllll over it. Hubby needs more silk boxers, if you get my drift…
Ho hum.