Keepin’ It Real With Pam Atlas
Oh, what the heck, today was ruined anyway:
Parents complain to U.S. Agencies About Mattel “Islam is the Light” Doll
Back on November 25th, I ran this post BOYCOTT MATTEL’S BABY DOLL TALKING DAWAH: “ISLAM IS THE LIGHT”.
There is a movement afoot!
And a door is a jar!
We’re writing to ask for your help with a local citizen’s campaign this December. Our goal is to convince stores to stop selling a Mattel talking doll that says “Islam is the light,” a way of inviting someone to join Islam – also know as “Da’wa.” We have started this campaign in Virginia and Maryland, and we need your help to take it nationwide.
The controversial toy is called the “Little Mommy Real Loving Baby Cuddle & Coo” doll, manufactured by Mattel-Fisher Price. We’ve put up a website to provide resources for parents to download an information packet to give to store managers. As parents, we’ve already started asking store managers to remove the dolls from the store shelves, or to put labels on the dolls stating “Notice: this doll says ‘Islam is the light,’ an invitation to your child to join Islam.”
THE “ISLAM IS THE LIGHT” DOLL IS STILL ON THE SHELVES
You might’ve imagined that the paranoid right had gotten bored with this one already, as they seem to have gotten bored with the theory that Obama is Malcolm X’s secret love child, not to mention with the ever-forthcoming Michelle Obama Tape, Barack Obama Tape, and Other Michelle Obama Tape, not to mention the Obama’s Grandmother Tape and the various secret evidence that Obama was born in various places unremarked on his birth certificate, which is in various ways a transparent forgery.
But no, no they haven’t.
You may have heard about this controversy in the media.
But wait, was it the one directly after the Teletubby doll that said “Faggot, faggot, bite my butt,” or was it between that one and the Elmo book that asked, “Who wants to die?”
It received a lot of print and TV media attention in October and earlier in November. Yet – hard as it is to believe – most stores are still carrying the doll on their shelves for the holiday shopping season.
Zomg, on their shelves.
The doll has no warning label letting parents know that it clearly says “Islam is the light.” In fact, we found one store in Virginia where the dolls had the audio disabled AND the front packaging panel (where the name is displayed) ripped off, which made it harder for parents to know that this was the controversial doll.
This no-audio, no-name doll may have been bought by Muslims and “returned” as a way to strategically damage its packaging, rendering it apparently harmless to parents while all the time it carries the Islam phrase encoded in its very software. Even on the shelf, it is staring crazy-eyed at our children like a bearded and smelly suicide bomber.
A few newer dolls are being distributed without the sound file, but most still say “Islam is the light.”
Bottom line – parents are still buying the doll RIGHT NOW, taking it home, and may not realize what the doll says until Christmas morning when their child unwraps the package and the doll tells her that “Islam is the light.”
And then poof, Christmas is ruined by genies.
MATTEL DENIES EVERYTHING
This cat was caught on tape talking about a dog named Long Johnson. THE CAT DENIES EVERYTHING:
Those who follow the antics of right-wing pseudo-grass-roots organizations may not be terribly surprised to see the ‘About’ page at LabelThatDoll.com, under a ‘Who We Are’ header, where it carefully fudges the issue of who they are and where they came from, and instead recites a familiar, legalistically composed litany of calumnies against Islam. While the conceit is that a group of otherwise apolitical parents in the Washington, DC metro area has been moved to launch a slickly professional media campaign by a doll that seems to invite girls to join a major world religion, when last we checked, almost 100% of the site’s 308 total visits in its one full day of operation came from Pammy. This is like launching a grape boycott by trying to appeal directly to winos.
So who are they? We’d start poking under rocks here, although they declare a special interest in locating ex-Muslims who are willing to be quoted saying bad things about Islam, which is more in the style of these folks, and/or possibly whatshisname. But in whatever case, expect the anti-Muslim rackets (and donation appeals for cynical anti-minority shock campaigns) to pick up briskly in time for Christmas, for the holiday spirit is once again upon us.
It’s as if they don’t even care that the doll also supposedly says, “Satan is king.”
I guess the Islamic message is scarier than the Satanic one. Who knew.
So, if you play it backwards, does it say, “Paul is Dead”?
Mine says “I do dee Rock”!!
mikey
I’ve heard that doll for myself and it is definitely full of Islam words. It’s true that I heard it after drinking a trayful of Brandy Alexanders at the Blood Clot, but I’m sure I heard it say “Allah-de-la-de-dah…” which is Arab talk for “Convert to Islam or die by the sword”, so the Scottish Truther was right after all.
Conservatives-2
LIEbrals-0
And a door is a jar!
*** RECYCLED JOKE ALERT ***
No problem with this, I guess:
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/religion/stories/DN-p2Jesusdoll_09bus.ART.State.Edition1.2a568d4.html
Pam has a low opinion of children, and yet all the 3 year olds I’ve ever known have been at least as rational and coherent as she is
For people like me who don’t keep up on the latest wingnut ragegasm, or talking dolls:
http://tinyurl.com/3gsqsw
Bring on the crazy! Peak wingnut is as elusive as ever.
Ah, here’s yer problem — somebody set this doll to “Muslim”.
Seriously, though, if it were something programmed on purpose, and not just the random concatenation of phonemes that someone probably spent twelve hours recording to get that, wouldn’t it have a phrase that an actual Muslim would actually use?
I hope the Talking Jesus figure says something like “careful man, there’s a beverage here”.
Smut, I think the recycling is intentional in this case, since the “a jar” joke works for the original post but not for this one since she spelled “afoot” correctly.
From Rusty’s link—
Yeah, no. I forget where I saw this (some random cable TV documentary I think) but Wal-Mart’s process for vendors is notoriously selective and quite nerve racking for small-time companies who will literally make or break on a sale to Wal-Mart.
The long and short of it is, Wal-Mart knows what will sell. No faith involved.
Mandatory Youtube
P.S. Shrieking Harpy!
~
Remember, Islam is the light = bad.
Plush Cucumbers that say “Jesus loves you” = good.
Man, we must strike the management here as the biggest buncha ingrates this side of the tubes. First we complained endlessly for a new thread, got one, and then we demanded another, and now we’re complaining about stale jokes.
New threads?! I’ll give you new feckin’ threads!
the doll also supposedly says, “Satan is king.”
I do not require fabric advice from a friggin’ doll.
What?
Yeah, geez, it’s all over the winger websites, but I don’t see a single reference to a real item.
When you think you’ve found their limit, they fall for another, huh?
This reminds me…
krassen is my real name, it’s slavic. A year ago I wrote a report about a company that promised to make alternative fuel from algae, by violating all of the basics laws of thermodynamics. The company’s main backer is an illiterate wingnut, who happens to be one of Mitt Romney’s major fundraisers.
So these folks come out with a response, a counter-study of sort, where instead of “krassen”, I am referred to as “kassam”… which happens to be the most radical fraction of Hammas. Also, there is apparently something called “kassam rocket”, a handmade grenade prominently used by intifadistas…
All I am saying is that “jihad is in the eyes of the beholder” and there is not much we can do about this…
Well,after Mumbai I would think some folks would wake up. There has been at least thirty attacks by islamists in America in the last few years. But yet the right is paranoid. I think the left is blind. But then again,Stalin,Mao and Khomeni were leftists. Oh yeah let us not forget the baby killer that Castro kicked out of Cuba,Che. My God has the left gone truly mad?????
Hmm.I wonder if Pam has seen that talking crucifix dildo?
Errr, Joe? Khomeni was an ultra-Rightist, as was Hitler, Cheney and most of history’s worst monsters, so you’re talking about what?
Khomeini was a leftist?
We seem to be having some confusion along the left-right continuum of late…
That’s actually the Pastor Swank doll.
Y’know, there has to be a way to make money out of this kind of mentality. If these people would believe this, they’d believe anything. Why, I bet if someone set up a website and claimed to have incriminating evidence about the Obamas or some sort of tape…
Oh.
Ahh, Mattel’s Media has a response to it.
In other worse, in no way are the words programmed into the baby, nor is it programmed to put them together in that order.
Crazy people.
and most of history’s worst monsters
Actually, Jimmy Carter was more of a centrist.
Fucking Chambliss won. Only a crackerass collection of inbred hicks like Georgia could elect a man named “Saxby.”
Sooooooooo glad I voted for Obama. I can’t decide which is worse–his cabinet picks or his calculating lack of support for Martin.
If this is the leadership we can expect in the future…
Krassen—
Personally, I would have encouraged this guy in every way possible. There’s something satisfying about seeing a fool and his money separated…
So does the doll also wear a terrorist scarf?
Fucking Chambliss won.
This surprises you, does it?
If your run the theme song from “Mr. Ed” backwards it says “Satan is the source.”
What does Pammiecakes think about that?
Did you mean: “history’s worst munsters”
No results found for “history’s worst meunsters”.
D’oh.
“But then again,Stalin,Mao and Khomeni were leftists.”
All authoritarian movements are ultra-right, regardless of the propaganda of the personality cult behind them.
Whether you call it monarchy, fascism, communism, etc. the end result is the same: total control of the press, the military and the primary means of agricultural and industrial production under the command of one individual.
Concentration of powers in a single person is the furthest possible deviation from leftist principles.
Did you mean: “history’s worst munsters”
Why, yes, yes I did.
Thank you, Google. I was confused.
“This surprises you, does it?”
No…fucking crackers…take all our money than vote for assholes…
Thirty attacks? Does that include those clowns with the paint ball guns?
It appears that we’ve gone from the ‘George W. Bush protected us from all terrorist attacks’ fantasy to the ‘Oh my God, we’re about to be overrun by waves of Mooslim violence’ fantasy.
Was that cat was having its shitbox tonguejacked?
It’s two fantasies in one.
OneMan, there is a way to make money off of their mentality. It’s called API.
Teletubby doll that said “Faggot, faggot, bite my butt,”
I owned that doll. Biting its butt provided no satisfaction whatsoever.
Of course, if there had been another major attack, it would have only proved why we need manly-man conservatives in power and furthermore, liberals are unserious.
Surely “history’s worst monster” would be Ro-Man.
OneMan FTW. Loneoak, API was implied by the “Oh” bit at the end. 🙂
For my money, the cat was the most awesome of all the vaguely English-sounding talking animal links.
joe – Please repeat last transmission. You’re coming in broken and stupid.
Surely “history’s worst monster” would be Ro-Man.
-Hello, wardrobe, we’re making a killer alien robot movie. What can you give us?
-Lemme think…How about a gorilla suit and a space helmet?
-That’s it?
-Why, you don’t like it?
-No. That’ll be fine.
Fucking Chambliss won.
Since this makes the whole 60 senators thing officially impossible, can we tell Joe Lieberman to fuck off now?
comsympinko:
All authoritarian movements are ultra-right, regardless of the propaganda of the personality cult behind them.
Not exactly. I invite you to peruse The Political Compass for elucidation. Nay, I invite you take the quiz thereof, and gaze in awe upon the wonders revealed (and probably mightily).
I so wish this day was over (sigh).
I’m just waiting for the day when Pammy realizes that the X-ian fundies’ version of the Promised Land does NOT include Jews; and that most of the wingnuts couldn’t care less if the dreaded “Mooslims” leveled Jerusalem–as long as they got enough oil out of the deal to gas up their pick-ups.
History’s second-worst monster.
My daughter actually has this doll. It doesn’t sound like the doll is saying “islam is the light” until someone tells you that’s what you should be listening for. Then, of course, you hear that phrase. So really this is a case of the listener’s fears being imprinted upon the random babblings of a plastic doll.
Also, I can attest that my three-year old daughter is no closer to joining Islam today than she was before she had the doll. Mattel would have more success in their Islamic Conversion Conspiracy if the doll promised a chocolate bar or some ice cream.
Spoiled chees through the ages – history’s worst Muensters?
Anyway – what the FUCKING GODDAMN ANAL PROBE OF HELL does it matter if the doll says “Islam is the light” anyway? Little Caitlin-Britney is going to convert because the doll told her to?
I mean, JESUS ON A DIAZEPAM SANDWICH, I know Crazy Pammy makes no fucking sense, but this makes no fucking sense.
The little girl in boycott video has it right: “I’ll pull the batteries out and pretend it’s just a fake doll that doesn’t say anything”
If only we could remove Pammy’s batteries and treat her like a fake doll with fake doll tits that really should never have spoken in the first place…
BTW, what’s with the ugly troll-like hand puppet in the middle in that first pic?
Ok, still on the “talking cats” thing. I couldn’t find any other YouTube videos of talking cats (in English) that were any good, and the Japanese ones were horrible. But I have been practicing Mandarin lately and it seems to me like it should be relatively easy to get a cat to say “ni hao”. I mean, they already tend to say things like “meow”, and nihao is almost like meow. Plus, the pitch goes up and down naturally for cats, whereas the eerie thing about the Long Johnson cat is that it’s voice isn’t going up and down. It seems like there are a lot of things you could get a cat to say that would sound like words in Mandarin anyway, yet I lack the search skills to find videos of cats saying stuff in Mandarin (or Cantonese or any other language) that I’m sure must exist on the Internets.
Important message to Pamela Geller and other concerned citizens: If you are truly committed to combating this false light and promoting true light and liberty around the world but don’t know how to help, fret no more. You can send your checks or money orders to Brother Eduardo, c/o the Circles of Light Church. You will not be disappointed.
“I do dee Rock”!!
It’s stimulating!
History’s Wurst Monster.
When I was in high school, a friend and I attempted to play Zeppelin’s fourth album backwards to hear the satanic messages. All we got was Robert Plant saying, quite audibly, “I wish it would snow”.
And I only learned recently that my attempts to decipher the lyrics to the song over the credits at the end of WKRP were pointless…there are no lyrics. It was a rough demo, in which the lyrics were to be added later, but the producers liked it so much that they left it as it was.
I wonder what Pam would make of it? She’s even more paranoid than Les Nessman…
Ahhh, dear sweet Pammycakes. Defining batshit crazy once again. What would we do without you?
I listened to the sound sample on the Mattel site, and to be honest, all I could make out at the very end was, “Gone to the right.”
Obviously Mattel are now pandering to Pamelush. (Pamdering?)
Smut:
You don’t want to know about the gay porn film which paired the gorilla-in-a-space-helmet up with a dude covered in fluorescent paint.
“Ro-Man in the Glow-Man”
Thank you, I’ll be here all week. Run for your lives.
History’s Wurst Monster.
RB, that deserves imprisonment. A term for the würst.
The Ro-man is impressive (he’s wearing a diving helmet, not a space helmet, BTW), but I’ve always been partial to the killer cucumber from It Conquered the World, shown waving a Bowie knife at Beverly Garland.
OneMan FTW. Loneoak, API was implied by the “Oh” bit at the end. 🙂
Sheesh, this is the second time I’ve totally missed a joke when I read S,N! on my iPhone. Apparently snark needs a bigger screen.
If I may humbly submit this, I called this particularly freak out a few months ago.
he’s wearing a diving helmet, not a space helmet, BTW
Q.: What do you call an astronaut wearing a beer jug over his head instead of a space helmet?
A.: A juggernaut.
Yeahhhh… there’s your problem right there.
Come now, children!
My calculator says boobs! I demand an recall by Texas Instruments!
The Little Mommy Cuddle ‘n Coo dolls feature realistic baby sounds including cooing, giggling, and baby babble with no real sentence structure.
Sounds like Bush or Palin.
Rathernaut.
Fuck off, Joe Lieberman!
A self-improvement guru in space?
Fuck off, Joe Lieberman!
Heh heh heh…no seriously, he can stay, right?
Urban Legends and Folklore, which is also an About site (but rational, reasonable, and sensible) has an article written by David Emery and some links to YouTube where you can listen to the dolls.
http://urbanlegends.about.com/b/2008/10/10/talking-doll-allegedly-says-islam-is-the-light.htm
Snaut.
You know what would be a lot of fun?
Get one of the dolls, pull out the talk-box, and reprogram it to say “Allahu Akbar!!!” and ululate.
Then send it to Pammy with a letter on faked Mattel letterhead, telling her that her concerns have been duly noted and as a result, the company is pulling the offending “Islam is the light” dolls from the shelves to replace them with the doll sent to her.
Hilarity ensues.
In space, no one can hear you hack up loogies.
Acronaut.
These puns are so sickening, I just bleu cheese.
Frugal in Space: Wastenaut, wantnaut.
Squarenaut
Didnaut.
Female sex hormones in space: Estronauts
My brother in law did once possess an altered Incredible Hulk doll that had been programmed to say, ala Barbie, “Math is hard!”
Masstronauts (the ones that aren’t pederastronauts).
If you can hear what the doll says “plain as day”, then why does everyone hear a different “evil” message?
Or should I say, why does each person “hear” a different message?
This reminds me of when I listened to “Stairway to Heaven” backwards and heard, “Here’s the guy who beat Satan…a child was born naked, now we are sav’d”. I concluded that if someone listened to the same gibberish and heard something bad, it’s because to the foul all things are foul.
Eyethinknaut
Winenaut?
Cannaut
They tried growing flowers in space, but the only ones that lived were the forget-me-nauts.
Boeleynnaut
er…in space.
Depressed in space
Sadlynaut
“Sting was a Spice Girl?
Pompous Spice.”
Sorry, back from where/whatever.
This quote is a huge “win”, even without the Dune connection.
sure, yuk it up, liberals. but will you be all a-chortle when on christmas morning, millions of parents wake up to children with fucked-up-karen-black-teeth?
Does anyone of these hysterics ever give a reason for why they think Mattel has done this or is it “The Unexplained”. As with the Dunkin’ Donuts farrago there appears to be no motive that is ever explained for the islamocommiefascists at Mattel to try and entice young girls into Islam. Aside from their stated aim of a world Caliphate as they say in their mission statement, obviously.
Mattel starts with “M”. Muslim starts with “M”.
Can it be any more obvious ?
Male sex hormones in space: Asstronauts
Ah yeah the Karen Black homicidal doll thing. I knew this’possessed by demons’ doll thing rang a bell. Thanks Dex.
Another Kiwi, psychosis means never needing to give a reason.
Snorghagen said,
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/213874/astronaut_sneeze/
Has anyone checked up on James recently?
“Has anyone checked up on James recently?”
He’s joined the Caliphate. An Elmo of one.
Bottom line – parents are still buying the doll RIGHT NOW, taking it home, and may not realize what the doll says until Christmas morning when their child unwraps the package and the doll tells her that “Islam is the light.”
Why, any normal child would dash that f*cking doll to the ground, knock over the Christmas tree, and demand to know:
“WHERE are my cha cha heels?!!!!”
There’s a woman who writes a column on that Family Security Matters site, Susanne M. Reyto, who looks just like ‘Syndrome’ from ‘The Incredibles’.
Mattel Secretly Bought By Ay-Rabs!!
From a source in Pam’s comments:
And a door is a jar!
Bill Hicks reference?
A man, a Pam, a canal
Not really. It looks much more like:
A mustachioed former ambassador to the UN, a Pam, a soon-to-retired Worst President Ever.
And I don’t really want to think about where Pam has her fists (though her two companions look as though they like it).
“And a door is a jar.”
Not to be confused w/ “The Mason’s face was ajar.”
From http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1077316/The-talking-Fisher-Price-doll-preaches-pro-Islamic-message-toddlers.html the second comment – she’s right, they’re all a pack of one-cars
So …
Islam isn’t the Light?
It seems like there are a lot of things you could get a cat to say that would sound like words in Mandarin anyway
My cat said “Mao”.
“The Mason’s face was ajar.”
Like a baby’s.
“More of your nefarious tricks, eh, Illuminati?”
Wow. I need new email/TypePad info after that one since my others are now blocked by Pamela. This deserves some sort of “Hey, you’re delusional again” warning doesn’t it? Nah, never mind, it obviously did no good the first 300 times.
I gather from Pam’s commenteriat that Google is dimmi or Ummah or whatever the fuck because its search results display in an order different from Yahoo’s.
Those people are nuts.
Jihadist Muslims CAN (quite easily, I might add) purchase en masse stocks of corporations in the western democracies and jihadize them.
Terrorist #1: “Aha, Mahmoud, our plan is about to come to fruition! ”
Terrorist #2: “Yes, Hamid, now that we’ve managed to control .013% of Mattel Corp, we’re poised to start production on our most important project – our secret weapon, the Baby Coo and Cuddle doll!”
Terrorist #1: “Soon they will be planted on shelves at all the Toys R Us stores in the land! Just in time for the infidels’ Christmas shopping season!”
Terrorist #2: “Allah be praised! The covert alteration of plastic dolls is Al Quaeda’s top priority!”
I had this theory that Satan allowed the talking cat to prophesize the results of the ’04 election, to whit:
“Oh, woe!”
(Self explanatory)
“Oh, long john”
(a lament for Kerry)
“Oh, long johnson”
(The long johnson of the Bushernauts, thrust painfully, repeatedly, and without lubricant into the fundiment[als] of democracy.)
“All the live-long day”
It was a long goddamn four years, wasn’t it? The pussycat was right again…
never forget
http://forums.abrahadabra.com/showpost.php?p=13637&postcount=1
“Baron Bodissey” has comparative graphs of wav files even! This is one big controversy. Baron and Pamela no doubt enjoyed some wine while staring into hypnotic blinking lights. No, sadly, it probably took far less…..
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
Pam Atlass makes The Fool seem sane.
Yes…that’s Teh Holy Market at work, is it not? You’d think they’d be 100% behind it. If the money is flowing to the Islamists, well that must be what God and John Gault want. After all, The Market Is Always Right, right?
Better dust off your burka, Pammie.
Pwned, Fool. Totally just pwned you!
It amuses me that Pammy is so obsessed with Islam that she’s dropping words like DAWAH/Da’wa so casually into her posts. Next she’ll start wearing a burqa outside, and abstaining from booze, and praying to Mecca five times a day… all to get to “know the enemy” better.
Oh puleez, Fool.
You repeated back what I said to you, the most basic, empirical pwn in history.
Yer a tiny-dicked tin-eared nutbag!
My D.N. Nation Parody Troll Detector/Decoder Ring goes off every time The Fool shows up.
Sorry, “The Fool” has none of my fingerprints.
Sorry, “The Fool” has none of my fingerprints.
Come on. He’s an asshole too.
Though I will say The Fool would appear to love him some Cool Coach.
Shorter The Fool: I have never gotten over my hatred of Nancy Spunger for her access to Sid’s balls WHICH WERE MINE ALL MINE DO YOU HEAR ME?
ah, i was wondering why my kids were praying so much this week. it all makes sense now!!1!
Now now, folks, there’s plenty of Fool for all of us to pwn a piece!
I didn’t realize that the Jihad Watch guy looks like Mork from Ork.
Psst, D.N. Nation aka The Fool—
Fool was a one-thread phenomenon. Not believable.
And when you play it backwards, it says “tial uth zee malsee,” (if you have a penchant for backwards IPA, that is), which is totally Hebrew-African-Hawaii pidgin for “I need to get some.”
Not me. Promise.
Psst… actor: just because everyone around you is laughing doesn’t necessarily mean they are laughing with you, bro.
It does mean they are laughing at you, bra.
Chucky has been running around with a fucking butcher knife for twenty years, and I’m supposed to worry about some baby babbling about Islam? Priorities, Pam…
I always do what Teddy says.
“I went to our local Wal-Mart and Target store last weekend and stood for an hour in the toy aisle with my daughter, asking passersby to tell me what they heard from the doll. Every one of them said that they heard, “Islam is the light!” as clear as a bell.”
Actual comment at Pammy’s site. An hour in the toy aisle badgering passersby.
Well. Now I know what to get the 3-year old girl on my Christmas list. Does it come with a burqa?
“Simba B said,
Krassen—
Personally, I would have encouraged this guy in every way possible. There’s something satisfying about seeing a fool and his money separated…”
Simba, Simba, Simba… Sweet, little Simba…
When you’re a Mitt Romney crony you don’t get to spend your own money. Here’s how it works: You tell a bunch of pension funds, college endowment funds, and yes some rich folks, too: “I am a very important person. I worked in Bain Capital for Mitt Romney. I have a Harvard MBA. Give me your money, I will invest them for you and your money will grow and multiply. All I want in return is a modest 2% fee per year, and 20% of the profits. If you lose your money, well, ooopsie! Oh, and these things take time, so don’t bother us for 10 years or so…”
Now, I am not a math genius, but 2% for 10 years adds up to a nifty 20% of the assets that one can pocket, no matter win or lose… So that’s how it works…