Professor Zywicki Revisited

Perfesser Zywicki


I hadn’t heard of Professor Todd Zywicki until last weekend when I shared with you SadlyNauts his post at The Volokh Conspiracy about how teh mean fags were being ugly to the Mormon Church for no reason at all other than the belief by gays that Mormon underwear was a major fashion violation. In case you thought that the Professor’s inane (and grammatically-challenged) post was simply an aberration, this subsequent post from Zywicki indicates that it is not and that Zywicki drinks deeply from an inexhaustible well of preposterous stupidity.

In that post, Professor Zywicki is all teary-eyed and sniffly about the imminent departure of George Bush and wants to remind his readers of the two great achievements of the Bush Administration:

First, if you had told me on September 12, 2001 that seven years later we’d be able to say that there would be no major terrorist attacks on American soil in the next seven years I would’ve thought you were naive or crazy. Now I don’t know how much credit the Bush Administration directly gets for this. … But in retrospect I really do think it has been a major accomplishment that we have not been hit by another terrorist attack in that time.

In other words, the Professor doesn’t know how much credit goes to Bush for the absence of any attacks, but he is going to give all the credit to Bush for it anyway and claim that it is one of the most important accomplishments of the Bush presidency. You know, there hasn’t been an attack on U.S. soil since I started blogging at Sadly No!, and I don’t know how much credit I directly get for the absence of attacks, but it’s really a major accomplishment of mine that we haven’t been attacked. Woohoo! Everybody owes me a deep debt of gratitude and should either send me lots of money or elect me to national office.

Now if you thought the first memorable achievement that Professor Zywicki attributes to W is a serious snortfest, wait until you hear the second:

Second, I give him credit for using his political capital trying to raise the issue of social security reform. He did so in a ham-handed and bungling way, but right at the outset of the second term he tried to address the long-run solvency of social security. For which he had his headed handed to him and then gave up

This is stupid that not merely burns, it produces a thermonuclear explosion that melts the brain of anyone who reads the quoted passage and the brain of anyone nearby the person reading that passage. Sorry about that. Sue me. Of course, the irony here is that the Perfesser doesn’t understand that, by saying that Bush’s second greatest achievement was to completely fuck something up, this says all you need to know about the Bush legacy — and not in a way that Zywicki intends.

For bonus fun with Zywicki’s post, find the numerous grammatical errors and lampoon them in the comments section. As a hint to get started, pay careful attention to the use of the word “had” in the first sentence of the post and its conflict with the verb tenses in the following clauses.

 

Comments: 225

 
 
 

Owww. My head! Wha– what happened? It’s like I was hit by a train…

Where am I…? What am I doing on this street… Oh my god– WHO am I?

“God?”… WHICH god? I seem to be wearing a white robe… maybe Allah? Am I a Muselman?

I can see my reflection in this window… not a robe… a bed-sheet. All I am wearing… why? My face… pasty… white… wha– a reversed “O” carved in my cheek?!?!? How can an “O” even BE reversed???

I stumble away from the apparition –What’s that sound? Voices… laughter… that building across the street.

“Sadly No!”

The sign above the door. A tavern? A friendly inn?

I pull my sheet tight around me and head for it… cars honk, passersby jeer. Is it the “O” on my cheek? The reverse “O”? “Leave me alone!” I shout falling once, twice–

The refuge of the door. I push it open and step inside.

“It’s The Truth!” the barflies yell as one. “It’s the Truth!”

WHAT is the truth?

I move further inside, return their smiles with a croaking shout: “Hypocrites!”

But why did I say that?

They all laugh. Somehow — Praise be to Allah — I am home.

 
 

It’s like he’s begging for someone to bust out some Polish jokes. Ones that surround politics and grammar.

 
 

Anyone who starts a sentence with ‘And’ is only a professor of drooling.

 
 

First, if you had told me on September 12, 2001 that seven years later we’d be able to say that there would be no major terrorist attacks on American soil in the next seven years I would’ve thought you were naive or crazy.

I could have told you that on September 12.

It took Al Qaeda eight years from the 1993 attacks to this one, and no one was paying attention to them. I would have estimated at least a decade and possibly twenty years before they could scarf up enough resources.

 
 

When one is toying with the very elements of Time and Space to make one’s point sound less than ridiculous, I guess there’s no time for grammar!

 
 

Now I don’t know how much credit the Bush Administration directly gets for this. … But in retrospect I really do think it has been a major accomplishment that we have not been hit by another terrorist attack in that time.

I’m thinking someone’s forgetting the anthrax mailings as well as the various times we’ve been told that YET ANOTHER MASSIVE ATTACK HAS BEEN FOILED BE SECURE OH CITIZENS and then we’re expected to take our shoes off at the airport, dump out our peanut butter and be prepared to get shot if the TSA thinks we’re acting out.

But OTHER THAN ALL THAT we’ve just had a quiet eight years, fersure.

 
 

You know, there hasn’t been an attack on U.S. soil since I started blogging at Sadly No!, and I don’t know how much credit I directly get for the absence of attacks, but it’s really a major accomplishment of mine that we haven’t been attacked.

Thanks Clif. I owe you one.

 
 

He did so in a ham-handed and bungling way, but right at the outset of the second term he tried to address the long-run solvency of social security.

yes, by bringing up the always-clever idea of investing it in teh Stock Marketses.

Wonder how that would have worked out.

 
 

I don’t know if the Bush Administration deserves any credit for preventing terrorist attacks on U.S. soil. However, I am going to assume that he IS deserving of all the credit in the world times eleventy-infinity-billion. This is central to my point, which has never been delivered with such care and precision.

 
 

Welcome to Castle Anthrax, Professor!

 
 

I too am thankful that dumbya completely screwed up the privatization of Social Security. Can you imagine where we’d all be if all our SS funds were in Lehman Bros stock or GM (or some Caiman Islands bank account off anyones books)?

Yes, we all owe a great debt to George W. bush for being so incompetent he couldn’t even screw all our pooches.

Thanks George. Now go away.

 
 

I would like to thank Mr. Bush for keeping Pop Tarts from flying out of my ass, which also has not happened during the eight years he’s been in charge.

 
 

That last sentence is precious:
But little of Bush’s spending was investment, as opposed to pure current consumption, and so a lot of it was nothing more than borrowing against future taxes to fund lower taxes today. So I give some credit, but modest, on this front.
Give it up for…um…borrowing against future taxes to fund lower taxes today!

I believe Popeye’s Wimpy was the first to put forth this brilliant economic theory, subsequently perfected by Bush. Modest credit given!

 
 

Anyone who starts a sentence with ‘And’ is only a professor of drooling

Ouch! And I do it all the time. Start a sentence with “and”, that is. And I just can’t seem to stop.

 
 

Anyone who starts a sentence with ‘And’ is only a professor of drooling.

I second that. And starting one with ‘but’ is even worse. But even that’s not as bad as starting one with ‘so’.

So there.

 
The Faith-Based Dave
 

Hey! The anthrax thingy doesn’t count. That wasn’t a terrorist attack. It was probably a disgruntled military employee. Who was probably white. Only brown people use terrorist attacks.

 
 

Just say no to anthrax. Listen to Nancy. Or Nancy Sinatra for more fun.

 
 

And gosh, didn’t 401ks and other private pensions (heretofore regulated but now free to get spanked by the invisible perfect hand) relieve, for the very people who might have placed upward pressure on Social Security benefits, any pressure to do just that? And isn’t all that 401K and pension money in the stock market? So they got us anyway, after a fashion. for what they could.

 
 

Is the idea that a country like ours hasn’t been attacked sine 9/11 even a good indicator of how safe we are? For one thing, terrorism doesn’t appear to be like standard crimes such as robbery. It’s far less constant; the sort of attacks that terrorism would bring don’t occur very frequently by nature. And while there were probably more attacks planned, I’m not sure if it really makes sense to think that Bush really had much to do with stopping them, any more than Clinton had with stopping the attacks that were planned by terrorists but never carried through on his watch.

 
 

As long your 401K or retirement fund is earning big returns, what care you for Social Security, the retirement pplan of the hoi-polloi. And I use that expression correctly. I think.

 
 

You know, there hasn’t been an attack on U.S. soil since I started blogging at Sadly No!, and I don’t know how much credit I directly get for the absence of attacks, but it’s really a major accomplishment of mine that we haven’t been attacked.

There hasn’t been an attack on U.S. soil since I switched from boxers to boxer-briefs. My balls deserve a Congressional Medal of Honor.

 
 

I haven’t read any of this bozo’s crap for six years. Bad vodka is bad vodka.

If he’s gonna give credit to anyone for the lack of subsequent 911s, it oughta be to the left blogoswamp for keeping the pressure on and exposing the false flag treason gang.

 
 

There hasn’t been a terror attack in this country since I gave up eating at McDonald’s.

Why did Ray Kroc hate America?

 
 

Yes, we all owe a great debt to George W. bush for being so incompetent he couldn’t even screw all our pooches.

I constantly shudder to think of what they could have done with the foresight and stealth of even a low-grade Bond villain.

Did they have to immediately turn our produce sections into e-coli roulette?

Would it have killed them to handle Katrina’s aftermath competently?

There was no point in torturing people; hell, 90% of the people they picked up would have probably come up with some terrorist plots after they had visited a few stripper bars. (It’s apparently what kept some of the 9/11 terrorists in the plan.)

But I guess what I’m asking is: did they have to be greedy, sick, twisted fucks from the getgo?

And we all know the answer to that.

It’s what they do.

 
 

MSNBC.com again:

What’s the difference between a Republican and a Democrat? The answer may be found in their offices and bedrooms.

Yeah, Democrats only wear one wetsuit at a time.

 
 

Second, I give him credit for using his political capital trying to raise the issue of social security reform. He did so in a ham-handed and bungling way</blockquote.

…which…um…is a good thing?

And even with this laughably low bar to “jump,” Bush shouldn’t even get credit here, as he was hardly the only one bleating about social security reform. Every wingnut think tank from coast to coast has made a deal about it in recent years. So Bush attempted to use his political capital to get something done that a bunch of other people wanted…but he failed. And this is somehow a good, noble, and unique thing. Right.

 
 

My balls deserve a Congressional Medal of Honor.

Maybe so, but my cock sometimes made Victoria Cross.

 
 

Wait, please tell me those blockquotes are “shorters,” in the finest Internet tradition, right? They’re not? Holy G-d.

 
A Different Jake H.
 

PROTIP: If you’re looking for a way to start a sentence where you want to change the topic, try “As for X”, instead of “Anyway”, or the ever popular and grammatically incorrect “Anyways…” Replace X with the new thing you are talking about. Now you can pick up write about anything. (cf.) I’m not sure if that helps with avoiding starting sentences with “And” or “But”, but it probably can’t hurt.

 
 

Thanks George. Now go away.

I’ve been thinking that all day long about Sarah Palin. I think this calls for some

Blondie.

 
 

But what about those of us who live for the sweet, sweet tears and frustrated cries of grammarians?

 
 

4197 US military personnel have died because of the terrorist actions of George W. Bush and his administration!

We need to take all of these wingnuts and send them on cruises to the middle of one of the oceans and push them overboard.

 
 

For which he had his headed handed to him and then gave up

I believe Mr. Zwieback meant to write, For which he haded his headed handed to himed and then gived up.

I didn’t know we were putting nouns in the past tense now. He’s a linguistic maverick!!

 
 

Shorter ‘Professor’ Todd Zywicki:

“When measured against the cavalcade of disasters throughout Bush’s Presidency – his attempt at Social Security reform almost seems like a win!”

 
 

First, if you had told me on September 12, 2001 that seven years later we’d be able to say that there would be no major terrorist attacks on American soil in the next seven years

Umm, someone’s forgetting the terrorist attack on Paul Wellstone’s plane….

 
 

It took Al Qaeda eight years from the 1993 attacks to this one, and no one was paying attention to them. I would have estimated at least a decade and possibly twenty years before they could scarf up enough resources.

I don’t know. September 11 took a while because it involved many people and pilot training. But you can do a whole lot of bad shit with minimal resources; remember the DC sniper? Or Timothy McVeigh, even.

Any reasonably motivated, halfway-intelligent crazy person (or small group thereof) could commit significant acts of terrorism without ever popping up on the radar of law enforcement beforehand. The only logical conclusion seems to be that there’s a serious dearth of those in the US. The few public cases of “terror cells” being busted lacked the intelligence part. And it would be absurd to argue that Bush has reduced the motivation of terrorists.

 
 

The stupid, it does burn. Aiiieee!

Second, I give him credit for using his political capital trying to raise the issue of social security reform.

You can’t! There’s no credit left to give! Not even with 700 billion dollar corporate welfare programs! And those executive retreats don’t pay for themselves any more than Wasilla hillbilly shopping sprees…

Moreover, it is one thing to increase spending and government debt if it is for long-term investments that will recoup themselves, such as Reagan’s defense buildup in the 1980s

Do I get to call recoup on this asshattery too? Dick Cheney would love to thank this dweeb for helping him get Halliburton all those defense contracts over the years. Ray-Gun might have known a bit about this – depending on when the Alzheimer’s kicked in.

 
 

Bonus Shorter ‘Professor’ Todd Zywicki:

“Boy, I can’t wait until Bush is out of office so I can REALLY be nostalgic for his Presidency.”

 
Rusty Shackleford (not that one)
 

Yes, we all owe a great debt to George W. bush for being so incompetent he couldn’t even screw all our pooches.

Not for lack of trying, or available dicks in his administration.

 
 

Can any of you Sadlys see the “I am going insane” tab, or is that just me?

 
 

Wait, please tell me those blockquotes are “shorters,” in the finest Internet tradition, right?
One of these days I plan to follow another fine Internet tradition by creating a spoof website, devoted — in its earlier stages, while still creating the cover — to attacking the Church of Latter-Day Saints. In the course of a steady trickle of scurrilous anti-LDS exposés, I will reveal various “facts” about myself… that I am an embittered apostate from the LDS myself, for instance. That I am height-challenged, and part of my bitterness springs from the mockery I encountered from within the LDS. That I am a hairdresser by profession.

Then I will put up a serious of posts containing “Shorters” of speeches from the late but still well-regarded UK Labour politician, Reginald Maudling.
“Why, Smut, why?” the readers will ask. “What is this all about?” To which I will reply,

Mormons’ little barber likes shortening Maudling,
Mormon’s little barber likes shortening Reg.

 
 

Why would alQ bother funding more suicide missions? Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity and 9ui11ani do a bang-up job of terrorizing Americans for them pro bono.

 
The Goddamn Batman Scared Away The Terrorists By Sneaking Up Behind Them And Going "Grrr"
 

Of course, W probably could have prevented 9/11 entirely by taking a certain memo seriously, but never mind that. Professor Zwieback is continuing the old tradition, which W has previously taken advantage of, of the gentleman’s C.

 
 

Mormons’ little barber likes shortening Maudling,
Mormon’s little barber likes shortening Reg.

WAH THAT IS A RACSIST SONG YR LIEBERALS ARE RACIST GRRR ARGH BLURP BLURP BLURP

(and it’s a bad pun anyway so consider yourself smote.)

 
 

I fully understand that a band of wild crazy guys drove the planes into the buildings. Killing many, all in the planes and hundreds in that part of a crowded building. But why did the buildings fall down, later? That’s the part I never got. And with all those people and firemen still in them. Horrible, with the loss of thousands of lives.

 
 

Mormons’ little barber likes shortening Maudling,
Mormon’s little barber likes shortening Reg.

In this version Orpheus is kicked out of Hades with great malice.

 
 

I wonder why SadlyNo would chose to ridicule Todd Zywicki by writing in Ebonics.

 
 

Maybe, now that the Bush/Cheney administration is leaving office, we might have a chance to learn something about 9-11. Remember the Maine! Had to wait a long, long time to find out what happened there, too.

 
 

Ya (is it grammatically cool to start a sentence with ‘Ya’?) know, I’m beginning to think maybe privatizing SS would’ve been a great thing. Sure, many of us’d be fucked, but I have 25 more yrs to work. Contrast that with what we’d get in return? GOP heads on pikes and a 111th Congress that’d’ve made the 75th Congress look like the 69th. Might’ve been worth it in the long run…

 
 

I could have told you that on September 12.

Me, too. Anyone with two eyes and a brainstem could tell you bin Laden blew his load that day. One BIG strike, versus a prologue.

It could also, of course, be said (with very compelling evidence) that though Bush’s effect on subsequent terrorist attacks is up in the air, his negligence most certainly did allow or otherwise not impede the one that DID happen on September 11.

Four words for Bush’s legacy: No Child Left Behind. We’ll be feeling the effects of that bullshit for decades.

 
 

Dammit, now I’ve gotta post this classic Simpsons dialogue:

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.
Lisa: That’s spacious reasoning, Dad.
Homer: Thank you, dear.
Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Oh, how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn’t work.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It’s just a stupid rock.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: But I don’t see any tigers around, do you?
[Homer thinks of this, then pulls out some money]
Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.

 
 

I would like to thank Mr. Bush for keeping Pop Tarts from flying out of my ass, which also has not happened during the eight years he’s been in charge.

Yep, we’re all Hot Pockets.

 
 

As for you all giving me a couple hundred billion dollars, I think that’d be swell.

Thanks for the tip, A Different Jake H!

 
 

(is it grammatically cool to start a sentence with ‘Ya’?)

NO PALINING ALLOWED

 
 

I was writing ‘ya’ at the beginning of sentences long before that dingbat hit the scene, you betcha! Depends on what voice you use (i.e. No Gunderson inflection!).

 
 

And it would be absurd to argue that Bush has reduced the motivation of terrorists.

No, it wouldn’t. George did a pretty fine job of wrecking the country and pissing off most Muslims on the planet. Why bother to make the extra effort?

 
 

Willy said,

I believe Popeye’s Wimpy was the first to put forth this brilliant economic theory, subsequently perfected by Bush. Modest credit given!

A very accurate observation. Bravo!

 
 

Any reasonably motivated, halfway-intelligent crazy person (or small group thereof) could commit significant acts of terrorism without ever popping up on the radar of law enforcement beforehand. The only logical conclusion seems to be that there’s a serious dearth of those in the US.

I don’t think bin Laden’s idea was to just kill us all… it’s improbable and costly. I think he DID get what he wanted, which was all our resources spread thin and constantly diminished while the whole fucking world hates us.

 
 

SMUT CLYDE!

Go sit in the corner!

mikey

 
 

Go sit in the corner!

Between K-Lo and Goldberg.

 
 

Smut Clyde – Victory! Of a sort!

 
 

Yep.

Just compare america of September 2001 with america of November 2008.

Compare iraq of September 2001 with iraq of 2008.

Compare iran of September 2001 with iran of 2008.

Compare al Quaeda’s standing, influence and ability to recruit and raise funds, 2001 to today.

Compare the relative wealth and prospects for economic growth of the US and the mid-east oil states in September of 2001 with that of today.

Compare america’s standing in the world of 2001 with america’s standing in the world today.

Nope, any way you cut it up, al Quaeda is winning.

WITHOUT the risk, expense and potential blowback of another attack…

mikey

 
 

Ya-ya’s, get yers out. How’s that?

 
 

By Zywicki logic, the U.S. government had done a great job of preventing foreign terrorist attacks right up until 9/10/2001, until on 9/11/2001, it became evident that they had actually been doing a horrible job all along. (Thus, the “Clinton’s fault” theory.) But since then, hey, great job again.

So, um, if there’s a foreign terrorist attack on 9/11/2009, will the Bush-led government be judged to have been doing a great job, like, before then, meaning now? Or will it have had to have been doing a horrible job all along, including this very moment, for which it should really apologize?

 
 

And sure, you can make up all these arbitrary rules of grammar.

But what are the chances I’ll actually follow them?

So as to not piss you off, I mean.

Anyway, that’s my view on the topic…

mikey

 
 

Compare america’s standing in the world of 2001 with america’s standing in the world today.

Nope, any way you cut it up, al Quaeda is winning.

Yeah, but did you remember to divide the US into Real America and Not Real America before your calculations? Certainly al Qaeda is losing in Real America due high levels of bluster and Christian indignation.

 
 

The Real America side of my street is blustering and indignant.

 
 

so consider yourself smote.
According to a rule of grammar I have just arbitraged, the past participle of ‘smite’ is in fact ‘smut’.

 
 

Shorter Pravda:

“I got nuthin’.”

 
 

These are now “smotation marks”.

 
 

According to a rule of grammar I have just arbitraged, the past participle of ’smite’ is in fact ’smut’.

Well I say it’s “smiticated”, so there nyaaah.

 
 

Now on MSNBC.com’s “Hot Topics”:

Palin leaks

Some silicone cement will clear that right up, y’know. Or a couple corks.

 
 

Anyone who starts a sentence with ‘And’ is only a professor of drooling.

You’ve just described any of your favorite writers (and any of your non-favorites too). Starting a sentence with a coordinating conjunction is by no means ungrammatical. It’s merely a quick fix that a lot of lazy or ignorant English teachers poison their students with. So the “no coordinating conjunctions at the start of sentences” rule is kinda like the phony rule of never ending a sentence with a proposition (see previous sentence).

 
 

Willy said,

I believe Popeye’s Wimpy was the first to put forth this brilliant economic theory, subsequently perfected by Bush. Modest credit given!

So that’s what the “W” stands for!

Mooser said,

As long your 401K or retirement fund is earning big returns, what care you for Social Security, the retirement pplan of the hoi-polloi. And I use that expression correctly. I think.

No, what happens next is some pedant comes along and points out that “hoi” is Greek for “the”, so saying “the hoi polloi” is redundant. Why they do this is unclear; possibly it’s because they’re trying to be clever dicks, but can’t quite manage the “clever” part.

But if you mean you use “hoi polloi” to refer to the masses and not the elite, then give that man a chocolate fish.

Smut Clyde said,

Mormons’ little barber likes shortening Maudling,
Mormon’s little barber likes shortening Reg.

Smut Clyde, you are not the only Kiwi around here. I am going to hunt you down and feed your own toenail clippings to you.

Righteous Bubba said,

Go sit in the corner!

Between K-Lo and Goldberg.

…and fart.

 
 

How is this guy still alive? How does one get through life while being this pathetically stupid (and smoted/smut/smited/smuterated)?

 
 

Freudian slip there “Truth”?

 
 

Willy said,

I believe Popeye’s Wimpy was the first to put forth this brilliant economic theory, subsequently perfected by Bush. Modest credit given!

So that’s what the “W” stands for!

Mooser said,

As long your 401K or retirement fund is earning big returns, what care you for Social Security, the retirement pplan of the hoi-polloi. And I use that expression correctly. I think.

No, what happens next is some pedant comes along and points out that “hoi” is Greek for “the”, so saying “the hoi polloi” is redundant. Why they do this is unclear; possibly it’s because they’re trying to be clever dicks, but can’t quite manage the “clever” part.

But if you mean you use “hoi polloi” to refer to the masses and not the elite, then give that man a chocolate fish.

Smut Clyde said,

Mormons’ little barber likes shortening Maudling,
Mormon’s little barber likes shortening Reg.

Smut Clyde, you are not the only Kiwi around here. I am going to hunt you down and feed your own toenail clippings to you.

Righteous Bubba said,

Go sit in the corner!

Between K-Lo and Goldberg.

…and fart.

 
 

What is the difference between WordPress and pus?

No, really.

 
 

“If Obama is as effective, I will give him credit too. Why is that so hard for you liberals?”

Because we all know you are a lying sack of shit who will define “success” in terms that will permit you to never have to do so?

 
 

There must be something in the water over at the Volokh Conspiracy. Poster Orin Kerr spent the better part of a week in a pissing match with Glenn Greenwald after Greenwald posted that Kerr was an apologist for the Bush administrations abuses, particularly in regard to “intelligence” gathering and so forth.

Kerr sputtered that he was no such thing and bla bla bla.

Then most recently Kerr posted a link about Obama’s plans and stated that Obama planned to leave the Bush policies “largely intact” and concluded that this was a good thing.

So he’s not an apologist, but he things the policies are dandy.

Oh, and in the comments now Orin states that the link he linked to said that Obama was NOT going to continue the abusive and illegal policies. Okey dokey. So the policies will be largely intact, except for that torture stuff, I guess.

 
 

I am utterly shameless and devoid of self-respect or intellectual honesty.

I also blow goats, but only heterosexual Republican goats so it’s perfectly okay.

 
 

The Truth –

YAWN.

 
 

_Before_ 9/11/01, was U.S. anti-terrorism strategy and/or policy successful or unsuccessful? Will the next terrorist attack show that U.S. anti-terrorism strategy and/or policy _since_ 9/11 has been successful or unsuccessful?

 
 

(I guess it’s similar to sportscasters talking about the importance of “momentum,” which is very important to have. Until you lose it, which can happen at any time. If it’s something you can lose at any time, you’d think that would pretty much prove that having momentum doesn’t mean much, but sportscasters will never stop talking about it.)

 
 

Truth-

Would you like a pop tart?

 
 

Shorter legalize: “I have no answer to the Truth.”

I thought he encapsulated your M.O. rather well.

 
 

It took Al Qaeda eight years from the 1993 attacks to this one, and no one was paying attention to them. I would have estimated at least a decade and possibly twenty years before they could scarf up enough resources.

See, this is part of why people like this are so fucking aggravating. They’re patting their boy on the back for being up against an organization addicted to heavy-metal synchronized demos; I figure there’s a more or less even mix there between people legitimately ignorant of a-Q’s modus operandi and people who understand it and think it’s a good thing that, thanks to Bush, we’re far more likely than we were in 2002 to suffer a terrorist attack sometime in the early teens that makes 9/11 look like a skinned knee.

Of course, it’ll be Black Osama’s fault; they just have to make sure they’re not living in Boswash when it happens. And if some of their family or friends are, hey, gotta crack a few eggs, right?

On the other hand, boiling ‘terrorist attacks’ to ‘major attacks by al Qaeda against Americans on American soil’ – while still terrifying in its implied inaccuracy – is retarded. Four thousand Americans are now dead for having the temerity to get stationed over a subducting religious fault, literally millions of Iraqi Sunnis have been killed or driven from their homes to the direct benefit of Tehran, and between scattered low-level attacks by phalangists which only promise to get worse as we leave the Republican-dominated aughts (church burnings, anti-Arab anthrax forgery, the odd beating and murder, et cetera) and the very real possibility of people we’ve been funneling resources to (foreign and domestic neo-pentecostal extremists, the Northern Alliance, neoliberal-paleoconservative ‘color revolutionaries’ in places like Belarus where internal revolution is impossible) turning against us in an ugly and unprecedented way.

Because you know what? In 1993, telling someone that there wouldn’t be another major terrorist attack until 2001 would only be right until April 19, 1995.

And social security privatization? Please. I suppose for an encore he’ll be cursing Bush Senior for failing to live up to his revolutionary promise not to raise taxes during a period of relative prosperity, or chiding us for not taking Free Silver seriously as a menace to our democracy.

 
 

You know, The Truth has become a real bore. Not only that but people spend an inordinate amount of time yanking his chain. I suppose that’s fun for about a day. Lately though it getting old. Time for Truthie to eat some pie.

 
 

Dammit, now I’ve gotta post this classic Simpsons dialogue:

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.
Lisa: That’s spacious reasoning, Dad.

…aah, spacious reasoning … I do like room to think

 
 

I file “no attacks on American soil since 9/11” in the drawer labeled, “Other than that; how did you like the play, Mrs. Lincoln?”

 
 

anthrax, anyone?

 
 

You have to give this maladministration credit, in a way. They’ve taught us something valuable.

They taught us that highly educated people who graduated with advanced degrees from some of the most prestigious institutions of higher learning in the world can be complete idiots. That’s a useful fact to keep in mind. It’s important. We shouldn’t forget it.

 
 

If you had told me on Sept 12, 2001 that in a little over seven years this country would be so sick of the President’s party that they would elect a black guy whose name sounds sort of like both Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Ladin, I would have thought you were trying to be funny.

 
 

I think Bubba deserves a lot of blame for 9/11.

Fuck you.

 
 

Now that is an interesting question..

…which you are clearly too stupid to understand.

 
 

Sy Hersh analogized the 9/11 terrorists as a bunch of pickup-game basketballers who somehow made it to the playoffs. That plot was at least four years in the making and could never have been repeated in any event. However, it could have been prevented if Boy George and his gang of ignoramus thugs hadn’t been so intent on ignoring anything and everything that had to do with The Clenis. Chimpy bears sole responsibility for the attacks of 9/11 and, of course, for the unnecessary abomination of the Iraq War that he already had planned from Day One of his 2000 coup d’état and for which he used the 9/11 attacks as an excuse — again, in Hersh’s words, “a gift” of an excuse for the Bushy neocon warmongers.

 
 

It is time for troof to eat pie.

The relentless bad faith argumentation (e.g. let’s just assume a premise that the Clinton years were years of foreign policy neglect…they were not) reminds me of nothing so much as shoelimpy/annieangel.

It is pure attention trollery, and this blog became much more enjoyable when people finally ignored that cr@p.

 
 

It is therefore consistent to say that the policies Obama is inheriting from Bush are ones designed to protect us; only a policy shift on Obama’s side would leave him culpable.

By that token, wouldn’t “policy shifts” by Bush between 1/20/01 and 9/11/01 leave Bush on the hook for that attack? Maybe Clinton was doing everything right, and then Bush changed course and fucked it all up.

There’s _no way_ conservatives and Republicans will accept that a terrorist attack that takes place on Obama’s watch was Bush’s responsibility, or that it would mean that what Bush has been doing — and was doing while there _weren’t_ actual attacks — was bad, wrong, or counterproductive.

I know the real objective is to find the closest Democrat to blame for Bad Things, but the double standard is going to be _rank_.

 
 

I think Bubba deserves a lot of blame for 9/11.

Of course you do. That’s because you’re retarded. Now fuck off already.

 
 

By the way –

Professor Zywicki is all teary-eyed and sniffly

Probably seasonal allergies. Professor Zamboni really should consult with his doctor on the new non-drowsy treatments available for that, as long as he’s going to be there getting his Cialis scrip renewed.

 
 

I would say the people who handled this were very different from the people who handled this.

Might be that:

Bill Clinton promoted Clarke to be the chief counter-terrorism adviser on the U.S. National Security Council. Under President George W. Bush Clarke no longer had cabinet-level access

I know this uses logic… and so trolls might not get it.

 
 

OK, thunder, I’ll stop. Procrastination led me to it. And society.

 
 

It is therefore consistent to say that the policies Obama is inheriting from Bush are ones designed to protect us; only a policy shift on Obama’s side would leave him culpable.

Well, at least that’s a nice preview of what’s in store from the wingnuts should the worst happen. If a terrorist attack occurs 4.67 seconds after the final word of Obama’s inauguration speech, it will be the fault of Obama and the long-standing policies he enacted.

(Of course, while 9-11 happened nine months into Bush’s watch, it was actually Clinton’s fault because oh is that the time, gotta run…)

 
 

Procrastination led me to it.

I was too lazy to come to the door when procrastination knocked.

 
 

I don’t think bin Laden’s idea was to just kill us all… it’s improbable and costly. I think he DID get what he wanted, which was all our resources spread thin and constantly diminished while the whole fucking world hates us.

No, no, Bin Laden just hates us for our freedom. And that is being steadily eroded by the Bush Administration and soon, coming in January, the Black Hitler, who – I hear from very reliable and perceptive sources – will be just as bad, or WORSE, than the government run by oil companies.

So, with our freedoms gone, bin Laden will be our friend again and he can thus focus on the corrupt Islamic governments that used to be the main source of his ire.

 
 

Why does Prof. Zywicki hate taxes so much? Does he think his paychecks grow on TREES?

 
 

Yeah, a pop tart please.

Don’t do it: those are poop tarts.

 
 

…pure attention trollery

..as in – your attention has been drawn to the fact that you have just stepped in something, which is now all over the bottom of your shoe, and will be very unpleasant to remove.

 
 

Don’t do it: those are poop tarts.

Doesn’t David Vitter have a phone number for those?

 
 

Only another terrorist attack, which Bush has worked so hard to prevent, would refocus attention on importance of Bush’s policies.

You’re not just a liar but a fucking traitor, Truth. Bush has done nothing to prevent terrorism since 2003, when the more strategic and media-friendly war against Iraq superceded the less sexy war on terrorism.

I know what you’re going to say, because you depend on Republican talking points the way normal people depend on protein above and beyond their own jizz. And you’ll be both a liar and a traitor there, too:

Nuhh, Bush done created a cabinet position what to se-cure our heartland.
Nul points, traitor: the ‘hat dance’ did next to nothing to reduce the intragovernmental rivalry and branch myopia responsible for 9/11. Add that to the distribution of resources (especially the black budget) generally favoring useless strutting gamecocks like the CIA at the expense of the more effective sub-FBI/Energy/Army agents and you’ve got a recipe for turning the first and last lines of defense against terrorism into a machine that eats graft and shits sinecure. Speaking of which:

He and the Republicans took away them earmarks securing fake America and gave them to the real America.
The DHS funding reapportionment is, outside of the general Federal abuse of intelligence resources for partisan aims (see also FEMA, wiretapping, the War Czar, etc), maybe the biggest intelligence scandal of our lifetimes. People who neither needed nor wanted money had billions of dollars thrown at them because their Senator happened to be a loyal RNC drone. New York City was left with so little intelligence funding that Al Qaeda could probably invade the fucking city without being caught; Utah got so much that park rangers in Zion National Park have night-vision equipment more sophisticated than the forces responsible for watching Waziristan. Speaking of which:
Y’all’re lyin’ about Afghanistan. It’s in great shape’n there ain’t no terrists there n’muh.
Nope: the Northern Alliance and the Taliban, along with unrelated extremist groups vying for power outside of Kabul, are heavily involved in domestic and global terrorism – at the very least owing to the method in which we fought the Afghanistan war, which involved funneling massive bribes to tribal leaders and almost completely neglecting infrastructure and human development. The result has been the resurgence of the poppy economy, something that will blossom into a lovely crop of problems for the US in short order, lasting long after the consequences for spending Afghanistan’s military allocation to conquer Iraq have faded. And speaking of which . . .
Them boys took the fight to Sodom what with his sponsorin’ the terrors. He looks a lot like Yasser Arafat – deny that, y’durn libs.
Avec plaisir. Saddam Hussein’s regime was, for whatever else was wrong with it, an implacable barrier to anti-US terrorism; the hypothesis that he has anything to do with al Qaeda was a crank theory similar to abiotic oil which was generously sponsored by PNAC for political reasons. Removing the military Sunni dictatorship – whose primary conflict would, more or less by nature, be with Israel – could as soon as night followed day be predicted to lead to an Iran-friendly, US-hostile terror sponsor. We’ve taken a nasty government sitting on top of massive stockpiles of munitions and resources useless to a state and proceeded to offer that materiel pro bono to non-state actors, up to and including Al Qaeda in Iraq. – an oxymoron before your fucking moron’s war. And on the subject of that . . .
Our good ol’ king Bush done us up good with his outside-the-liberal-ivory-tower gut-thinkin’. The activist judges opposed to wiretappin’ and torture done a real boner.
Again: not quite. Wiretapping and aggressive interrogation were, before 9/11, delegated to largely intra-intelligence courts that (a) kept information private and (b) would acquiesce to tapping the Pope’s phones on almost no pretext. Bush had to ignore or sabotage more rulings in the first year after 9/11 than had been reached against wiretapping in its entire history. Similarly, torture has largely rendered our counterintelligence resources moot, has made the trial and establishment of guilt or innocence of people caught making war against the US impossible, and most gravely, has legitimated the stupid and ugly rumor-mongering by al Qaeda and other Islamist actors. Even when used in an even arguably legitimate capacity, Bush’s behavior has demonstrated a contempt for the law and a capriciousness that have essentially ruined America’s reputation in most of the Third World and much of the first.

Your idiot man-child, mostly for purely partisan reasons, has literally butchered American intelligence alongside American law and American government. We are less safe than we were in 2004. This is not an opinion, it is a matter of fucking fact – and this isn’t even getting into the Bush White House’s occasionally mind-blowing misfocus, like Ashcroft investing time, money, and human resources into busting medical marijuana users in Oregon in the months leading up to 9/11 or the police arresting random political activists in the days before the 2008 Republican National Convention. Bush has taken what was supposed to be a set of weapons in defense of our country and used them to beg, borrow, or steal for his own fucking party. The only fitting thing here is that there is more than enough precedent for Obama White House agents to spy on you.

 
 

Doesn’t David Vitter have a phone number for those?

Oh, RB, that hurt my nose!

 
 

Open Letter to Right Wing Idiot Cowards (and some of their less Right Wing Brethren):

You are NOT safe. Nothing, and no one, can make or keep you safe. We put air bags in cars, and enforce traffic regulations, and you can still die on the highway.

We have an advanced health care system. You can still get cancer.

We have large law enforcement and crime prevention infrastructures. You can still be raped, robbed and murdered.

It is the nature of the world. If a terrorist wants to kill you, we have professional law enforcement and intelligence operatives who will try, and frequently succeed, to stop them. And yet, there will come a time when they fail. And people will die.

The world, while much safer than it was even a century ago, is filled with threats to your safety, your health and your well being.

You could give up all your freedoms, lock yourself in a steel box and eat only tofu and distilled water and you would not be safe.

At some point you will have to admit 2 things. First, no one can keep you safe. And second, if you die violently, no one is “to blame” except the person who killed you.

You must give up this fantasy of safety. Take reasonable precautions, but at some point you just have to accept that they many not, on some given day, be enough.

In other words, have the courage your grandma had…

mikey

 
 

Bush – who has spent his presidency pursuing al Qaeda to the ends of the Earth

Yeah, because spending millions of taxpayer dollars to prosecute some guys with an inane scheme to blow up JFK while al Qaeda breaks into severely underutilized human resources is ‘pursuit’.

God help us if Bush had fought the Cold War. We’d have spent half the Pentagon’s budget forcing Iceland to back down from the Cod War and 1600 PA would have a red flag over it – and you’d be squawking about his glorious victory over Icelandomarxism.

 
 

We’d have spent half the Pentagon’s budget forcing Iceland to back down from the Cod War

I don’t wanna get all tinfoil-hatty here, but that was pretty fucking fishy.

 
 

Truthless is now eating pie. Speaking of which, I made a pie today that I like to call “Fuck Me Pie.” That’s how good it is, that when you eat the first bite you go “Oh fuck me.” It’s chocolate pecan pie and I’m happy to share if anyone wants.

 
 

Doesn’t David Vitter have a phone number for those?
The functioning of my keyboard is watered with nasally-aspirated coffee.

 
A Poor Pitiful Obsessive Compulsive Sufferer says;
 

Now any of you with a speck of intelligence will have the good sense to be embarrassed about this;

#

The Truth said,

October 28, 2008 at 15:17

Various liberal posters proclaim

Jesus, imagine having a President who actually talks like this.

Give me a week.

It is not going to happen, liberals. Your echo chamber is reverberating now with your shouts of victory before you’ve won a single state. I almost feel badly for you, because when McCain wins, your astonishment will be overwhelming. I say “almost” because your ideology is nasty, anti-free speech, and absolutist, and every decent person will sigh in relief when it goes down to defeat once more.

Here is how it will go down next week. First, the results from Virginia and North Carolina will come in, and they’ll be declared for McCain. You’ll be disappointed, but “no big deal, change can’t come overnight” will be your comment. Florida will go red, and a little nervousness will creep in. The usual suspects will fall into the usual categories. As the night drags on, Ohio, Colorado, and (much to your horror) Pennsylvania will be too close to call.

My advice at this point to you will be to go to bed. You will wake up to a McCain presidency and the Great Liberal Freakout will be on.

Bookmark this, liberals, as this is exactly how it is going to go down. You will be wonder how the hell I was able to call this.

But I don’t have any intelligence or any sense of embarrassment, so THERE Liberals! Now watch this desperate drive to pretend it makes me look good by projecting my own idiocy and hatred onto you again…

 
 

We’d have spent half the Pentagon’s budget forcing Iceland to back down from the Cod War
…resulting in the Peace of Cod which passeth understanding.

 
 

All this time I thought it was American troops being blown to hell in Iraq. Glad that never happened. The Truth is much more palatable than reality.

 
 

..any of you with a speck of intelligence will have the good sense to be embarrassed about this, which is what has unleashed the vitriol on me

yes, you just keep thinking that …

 
 

By my calculation, the Clinton approach to terrorism kept us safe from February 27, 1993, to September 10, 2001, which is 3,152 days.

Bush has only “kept us safe” for 3,002 days, which means Clinton is still way better.

 
 

Open Letter to Right Wing Idiot Cowards (and some of their less Right Wing Brethren):

You are NOT safe. Nothing, and no one, can make or keep you safe. We put air bags in cars, and enforce traffic regulations, and you can still die on the highway

I went to buy a box of ammo the other day (I try to hit the range once a month) and they were sold out of .45, plus it would’ve cost 3 times what i normally spend. The place was crawling with edgy, Dixie-flag wearing Righties whose tighties seemed too tight. So I went home and hit a number of far Right-survivalist sites and find that they’re ALL in a frenzied panic, assuming that Obama is going to take their guns away from them with his new “brown shirt” civilian corp! You wouldn’t believe the fear and hysteria on these sites, and the comment sections are so far over the top that they left me literally stunned at the fictions that were being brewed and the civil war that was being seeded.

Obama is on the verge of dismantling huge chunks of anti-Constitutional shit that Dubya instituted, and all these cats can say is “Obama is going to destroy all of our liberties and make us slaves!!!”. I’m telling you, the mindset of the Right is a wonder that needs extensive study. Obama is going to bother with a 2nd Amendment fight while he has a mountain of real issues to deal with? Dumbest of the dumbfucks.

 
 

I made a pie today that I like to call “Fuck Me Pie.”

Somebody watched that “Waitress” movie about the pie diner!

 
 

Willy said,

I believe Popeye’s Wimpy was the first to put forth this brilliant economic theory, subsequently perfected by Bush. Modest credit given!

So that’s what the “W” stands for!

Mooser said,

As long your 401K or retirement fund is earning big returns, what care you for Social Security, the retirement pplan of the hoi-polloi. And I use that expression correctly. I think.

No, what happens next is some pedant comes along and points out that “hoi” is Greek for “the”, so saying “the hoi polloi” is redundant. Why they do this is unclear; possibly it’s because they’re trying to be clever dicks, but only get the last part right.

But if you mean you use “hoi polloi” to refer to the masses and not the elite, then give that man a chocolate fish.

Smut Clyde said,

Mormons’ little barber likes shortening Maudling,
Mormon’s little barber likes shortening Reg.

Smut Clyde, you are not the only Kiwi around here. I am going to hunt you down and feed your own toenail clippings to you.

Righteous Bubba told Smut,

Go sit in the corner!

Between K-Lo and Goldberg.

…and fart.

 
 

There was a fish-related war recently, not over cod but turbot. Canada and Spain when prow to prow in the Turbot War of 1995.

 
 

when went

 
 

@#$% spaniards thought they could take our turbot!!! Guess we showed them!! (What the hell is turbot, anyway)

 
 

It’s stupid for the average person to waste brainwaves worrying about terrorist attacks.

Not when it’s far more likely that they will get hurt or killed:

One-year odds of dying in a car accident is about one out of 6500

Murder? A one-year risk of one in 16,500

Walking across the street? A one-year risk of one in 48,500

Drowning? A one-year risk of one in 88,000

The one-year risk of dying in a terrorist attack, (assuming one a year!) would be one in 100,000

Link

While I can’t find the math quickly, I’d say the average person’s odds of eating contaminated food, getting sick or dead by prescription drugs, going homeless, losing their job, getting killed on the job, and being able to afford retirement if they avoid all that… has increased quite a bit.

You want to know what I fear?

I fear Republicans.

 
 

I like to think that a fish war would be fought with fish-tanks.

 
 

alec said,
November 13, 2008 at 2:34

Alec, the sentence you responded to did not need a response. It is self-annihilating.

 
 

I like to think that a fish war would be fought with fish-tanks.

I lament in advance the many innocents gilled.

 
 

…or pointed (fish)sticks

 
 

Turbot is a deepwater flatfish. The one in question is the Greenland turbot, which is also known as Greenland halibut or blue halibut.

 
 

I’ve halibut all I can stand.

 
 

It’s quite simple, liberals. Democrats are weak on national security, which is why any successful terror attacks, be they committed during a Democrat presidency or a Republican Presidency, are the fault of these weak Democrat policies.

These attacks therefore demonstrate that Democrat policies are weak on national security.

You have no answer to that, liberals. None.

 
 

BASS! Bass! Quick, boys!– An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy fish tanks just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And sautéing like a perch in salt or lime.

 
 

Insert Halliburton joke here.

 
 

You have no answer to that, liberals. None

..why, yes, I do believe you are correct.

 
 

The dealings of Halibuton are obscured by the Blackwater. Or something. I’m tired.

 
 

June 21, 2009: poster known as “Pravda” dies from internal necrosis after eating an E. Coli H157- contaminated hamburger. The meat is traced back to a slaughterhouse in Wyoming, which hadn’t been inspected in over three years due to Bush Administration cutbacks in the FDA.

“But at least he didn’t die in a terrorist attack”, they all say.

 
 

..why, yes, I do believe you are correct.

Finally, a little respect around here. Ckc (not kc), you’re one of the good ones.

 
 

BASS! Bass! Quick, boys!– An ecstasy of fumbling,

“Sweet and fitting it is to be breaded and deep-fried for the Fatherland”

 
 

let me try again:

What the hell IS turbot, anyway?

What the hell is TURBOT, anyway?

What the HELL is turbot, anyway?

(nope – sarcasm just falls right out – guess I’ll just have to learn what turbot is, anyway 🙂

 
 

Orange Tom.

For 150 bucks you can get a Lee Turret press.

Keep a bunch of brass, primers, powder and a selection of slugs.

The night before you go to the range, load up a few hundred midrange 230gr ball. Rounds you can work out in the 7-50 meter ranges without beating you or your recoil buffer to death.

Load some righteous hot 185 hollow points. Take three or four mags to the range every time you go – this is your defense load and you don’t want to be surprised by the recoil and muzzle flip. You’ll save money, and you’ll find it’s kind of fun to tinker with your loads.

Also, I know, I know, you know this already, but rotate your mags.

A sloppy spring or a funky follower will kill you first.

Just do it, ok?

mikey

 
 

..and I always suspected I was one of the “good ones”. Where’s my ribbon?

 
 

Well, if ya’ll are going to talk fish war, I’m in over my head.

 
 

Well, if ya’ll are going to talk fish war, I’m in over my head.

Just sit there on your perch. You’ll get paid scale.

 
 

It took Al Qaeda eight years from the 1993 attacks to this one…

Al Qaeda wasn’t involved in the 1993 World Trade Center bombing. The attack was organized by Ramzi Yousef, who was never a member of al Qaeda.

Yousef did later work with his uncle Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, who went on to sell the 9/11 scheme to bin Laden, but that’s another story.

 
 

A turbot is a kind of flatfish, native to the North Atlantic, that uses a specialized organ which makes use of the fish’s own wake to force oxygenated water over its gills, resulting in basically force-induction of its metabolism, thus enhancing its speed and power.

 
 

..I think it’s really an cybernetic turtle.

 
 

an = a

 
 

I think we can all agree that “al Qaeda” means any swarthy-looking person who commits a terror attack, or plans a terror attack, or fails to denounce terror attacks loudly enough. This includes some of the more tanned Spaniards and southern Italians (although they are more likely to belong to al Berto and al Fonzo, respectively).

Liberals.

 
 

Alec, very interesting. So why is that al Qaeda hasn’t hit the US since 9/11?

Do they (1) desire to hit us here or (2) not desire to hit us here?

(1), but that doesn’t make any difference: major domestic al Qaeda attacks are long, drawn-out affairs. 9/11 had its roots before 1990.

It’s like suggesting that JFK not seeing Apollo 11 clearly indicated that the Man in the Moon was responsible for his death. A, you’re insane, and B, even if you weren’t, it takes a lot more doing to fly four jetliners into office buildings than just making up your mind on it.

 
 

Finally, a little respect around here

well, yes the respect IS little.

 
 

Also, shalom, gentlemen.

 
 

A flounder with an afterburner?

I lament in advance the many innocents gilled.
I shall not mourn, eh.

 
 

Respect is all you wanted, The Truth? I had you all wrong. It’s remarkable, indeed, I am impressed that while you are so anti-liberal, you are able to voice your disgust with the Republican parties inability to counteract even one liberal national security policy that has weakened this once proud nation.

You now have my respect as whale.

 
 

And besides which, just like Oswald gunning down a beat cop on his way out, Al Qaeda hasn’t exactly sat on its laurels: there’s been a series of crowd-pleasing synchronized bombings – both directly (London) and through local, single-issue surrogates (Bali ’02 and ’05).

Meanwhile, bin Laden is alive and well, al Qaeda continues to maintain the funding and resources not to just survive but thrive (I didn’t pick Waziristan for a reason – it’s basically governed by a-Q and its surrogates and associates).

It’s a pity you’re able to sleep at night. Between all of you Rovian knob-gobblers there’s probably at least enough blood to go around to put a whole person’s innocent life on your hands. Not that you care – hell, considering that some of them are brown, you might well be pleased as punch with it all.

 
 

Hey greenland halibut
Halibut or turbot
Flatfish come and I wanna go home.

 
 

cybernetic turtle .. turbot ,,, BOT… get it???
(c’mon, validate me!!)

 
 

I was going to make a joke about terrorpins, but WordPress ate it.

 
 

WordPress is indeed hungry tonight.

 
 

Always back up what your whiting when your on the net.

 
 

Always back up what your whiting when your on the gill-net.

Fixed your typo.

 
 

Second, I give him credit for using his political capital trying to raise the issue of social security reform.

Fucking, Fucking, Fuckity Fuck, that still pisses me off.

If that pusilanimous little whistleprick had run on privatizing Social Security, he would have out-Deweyed Dewey.

On the bright side, it finally broke my lingering Stockholm Syndrome with the well-dressed people on the teevee.

 
 

BASS! Bass! Quick, boys!– An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy fish tanks just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And sautéing like a perch in salt or lime.

The Wilfred Owen Sampler _is_ good. I personally prefer the Isaac Rosenberg Ceviche, or “Hake of Day in the Trenches.”

 
 

A flounder with an afterburner?

Now that’s an idea. I was going for “turbocharger” but compared to an afterburner, turbo is for pikers.

 
 

The Wilfred Owen Sampler _is_ good. I personally prefer the Isaac Rosenberg Ceviche, or “Hake of Day in the Trenches.”

What about the Siegfried Sassoon Salmon Surprise?

 
 

No more fish threads, please; those things are pure poisson to the discussion.

 
 

Willy said,

I believe Popeye’s Wimpy was the first to put forth this brilliant economic theory, subsequently perfected by Bush. Modest credit given!

So that’s what the “W” stands for!

Mooser said,

As long your 401K or retirement fund is earning big returns, what care you for Social Security, the retirement pplan of the hoi-polloi. And I use that expression correctly. I think.

No, what happens next is some pedant comes along and points out that “hoi” is Greek for “the”, so saying “the hoi polloi” is redundant. Why they do this is unclear; possibly it’s because they’re trying to be clever dicks, but only get the last part right.

But if you mean you use “hoi polloi” to refer to the masses and not the elite, then give that man a chocolate fish.

Smut Clyde said,

Mormons’ little barber likes shortening Maudling,
Mormon’s little barber likes shortening Reg.

Smut Clyde, you are not the only Kiwi around here. I am going to hunt you down and feed your own toenail clippings to you.

Righteous Bubba said,

Go sit in the corner!

Between K-Lo and Goldberg.

…and fart.

 
 

OK, I’ll just head back to Stuart Scott headquarters — a/k/a, the “Booyah Base.”

 
 

But, but, but sometimes threads degenerate into discussions of favourite beverages, and people complain about that as well.
One man’s mead is another man’s poisson.

 
 

One man’s mead is another man’s poisson.

One man’s Mede is another man’s Persian?

 
 

fish threads, fish threads

roly-poly fish threads

 
 

when the moon hits your eye
like a big pizza pie…

(come on, I know you can do it!!)

 
 

Took a fish threads out to see Obama

Didn’t have to pay to get it in

 
 

By the way, this doesn’t rise to the level of war (as if the Canada-Spain showdown in ’95 did), but in recent years some shady characters have become involved in the trade in Patagonian toothfish. Its high price on international markets has earned the fish the nickname of white gold.

 
 

If nothing else a fish head can always be your best chum.

 
 

…but was it a social moray?

 
 

Relax, Tigrismus; we’re all wry-trout of fish jokes now.

 
 

So you’re floundering? Or angling for more?

 
 

when the moon hits your eye
like a big pizza pie…

Okay, that’s enough. I’ma-a gonna hafta tune-a you out! Maybe it’s shellfish of me, but I just don’t have the mussel to keep this going. I’ve been crabby all day.

Back onto politics, do you guys think the Dems will sail the ship of state onto the rocky shoals, or will they bring it safely into harbor?

 
 

So you’re floundering? Or angling for more?

Waiting with baited breath for the next hook.

For reel.

 
 

I’ve haddock with you urchins.

 
 

Back onto politics, do you guys think the Dems will sail the ship of state onto the rocky shoals, or will they bring it safely into harbor?

Roe, roe, roe your boat.

 
 

Roe, roe, roe your boat.

…until you have to wade.

 
 

…do you like Lemon on your lobster claws?

 
 

Not many people know this, but a taste for caviar goes back a long way in history. It is first recorded among the Sumerian culture. If you go along to the British Museum and ask the right people, they will show you the actual cuneiform tablet that describes the first roes of Sumer.

 
 

the actual cuneiform tablet that describes the first roes of Sumer

Yeah, but what about the fine golden-colored caviar of trout caught off the shore of Galveston?

You know, as in “the yellow roes of Texas”?

 
 

Raw squid guts sushi for you, Smut Clyde.

P.S. That was the english translation of an item on the menu for my first ever visit to a sushi restaurant (in downtown NYC, back in the1980s).

Since the occasion was post karate class belt testing, of course we all ordered it.

Imagine this: it tasted even worse than it sounds.

P.S. This could be it: Ika no shiokara

 
 

Ha! A liberal requesting handouts? It is to laugh. You can find that ribbon being ground beneath my immaculate heel.

 
 

Oh, and yet you said I was one of the “good ones”. Now I’m all confused.

 
 

I wonder whose Gissing her now.

 
 

“it’s kind of fun to tinker with your loads.”

Gross.

 
 

..ground beneath my immaculate heel

you’re so [sob] CRUEL!!!

 
 

…by the way – I can’t stand it anymore. No one has commented on the doggerel/drivel with which “Truth” initiated the thread. I think this is unconscionable (given the trouble to which “It” has clearly gone).

 
 

..ground beneath my immaculate heel

you’re so [sob] CRUEL!!!

And we’re back to Russian dominatrices. At least in my mind.

 
 

What about the Siegfried Sassoon Salmon Surprise?

There’s an excellent recipe for that in Robert Graves’ Goodbye to All Sprat cookbook.

 
 

“Forward, the Whitefish Brigade!”
Was there a fish dismay’d?
Not tho’ the soldier knew
Some one had blunder’d:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and fry:
Out of the valley of Depth
Rode the six haddock.

 
 

That was crappie.

It ain’t got no sole.

 
 

Seriously, why are you people still writing fish puns? Is there some purpose to this? Or is it just for the halibut?

FUCK

 
 

We’ll see what else comes down the pike.

 
 

Raw squid guts sushi for you
Prayer Pimples for Hairy Fishnuts?

 
 

Bad puns were all we had, Doc.

 
 

…do you like Lemon on your lobster claws?

No thanks, I’ve got a paper cut.

Oh, and the cod wars were actually about salt (I just happen to be in the middle of a book on the history of salt).

 
 

THEN a young man said,
What of Sugar, Master?

He replied:
There is nothing on earth as sweet as Sugar.
Sugar has made kings and brought great expeditions to explore the world.
America was discovered in search of India where Sugar could be traded for precious articles.
Throughout history man has used Sugar to build empires, and some peoples have used Sugar as money.

You’re wrong, Master, everything you have said about Sugar really applies to salt, not Sugar.
It’s in all of the history books.

Oh, that’s right, the Master replied.

Another young man then asked,
But what of Salt, Master?

He replied:
There is nothing on earth as salty as Salt.
Salt has made kings and brought great expeditions to explore the world.
America was discovered in search of India where Salt could be traded for precious articles.
Throughout history man has used Salt to build empires, and some peoples have used Salt as money.

 
 

The horrifying prospect of more fish puns makes me want to scream “Ahi!”

 
 

I just happen to be in the middle of a book on the history of salt

It’s the everyday object as cultural touchstone finals! Kurlansky vs. Petroski! Down and dirty in the MUDMudmudmud…

 
 

There has been some serious troll feeding going on here.

 
 

“One man’s mead is another man’s poisson.”

What’s all this about my meade?

Cod, I tuna my back on you for a little while and you all make asps of yourselves.

Now you gobie good kids and try the thread upstairs.

 
 

It’s all a bit fin de siecle.

 
 

“…if you had told me on September 12, 2001 that seven years later we’d be able to say that there would be no major terrorist attacks on American soil in the next seven years…”

I can’t believe nobody has parsed this in 217 comments. It means that on 12/12/2008 we’ll be able to say no major terrorist attacks on American soil in the next seven years.

Grammar is not the problem with this guy, it’s a symptom. I look forward to Kevin Kline playing him in the Wanda sequel.

 
 

As a Pisces, icthyan paranomasia is anathema to my anima.
So try the salmon, Ella!

You know, there hasn’t been an attack on U.S. soil since I started blogging at Sadly No!, and I don’t know how much credit I directly get for the absence of attacks, but it’s really a major accomplishment of mine that we haven’t been attacked.

Dude, come on – stop aiming so low – we ALSO haven’t been wiped out by a giant asteroid since the launch of this site! Snark as a quantum-based deflector of menacing cosmic debris – who knew?

Our wise wingnut-sniping (& planet-protecting) avatar Clif, that’s who.

Al Qaeda metastasized during the Clinton years, which were years of foreign policy neglect

Bosnia? Rwanda? Somalia?

That’s a mighty interesting way of defining “neglect” you’ve got there – never mind that Clinton actually made more than a half-hearted effort to nail Bin Laden, unlike George “I just don’t think about him very much” Bush … & you’re welcome to look up just WHERE Atta & some of his kamikaze-posse were spending time when they weren’t watching the peelers … turns out they were at a flight-school in Florida – one whose owner’s Lear Jet was raided on an Orlando runway while carrying 43 pounds of heroin on board – & doing crazy shit like night-time take-offs & landings on an airstrip that strictly forbade such shenannigans, without any consequences – & quite possibly helping the CIA to run heroin & coke* Stateside. Not exactly off the radar – but a bit too sensitive to be disturbed.

Yeah, blowback is a real bitch, alright.

————–
* But of course, to suggest that the US government would actually be involved in the drug-trade with known terrorists – that’s all just crazy talk, right?

 
 

I am going to hunt you down and feed your own toenail clippings to you.
I am easily located. If I’m not at the Bar Edward, try the Malthouse, or the Bodega.

 
 

Bush’s second greatest achievement was to completely fuck something up

I’d say his third greatest acheivement was drawing attention to the deplorable state of the construction of the levies in New Orleans.

How would we have known otherwise?

The nation owes him a debt of gratitude …

 
 

As a professional editor for 25+ years, I can tell you all that it is not wrong to start a sentence with “and” or “but.” This is a superstition that Fowler, for one, put paid to decades ago. The supposed absolute prohibition against splitting infinitives is another such superstition.

It is, however, wrong to say things as stupid as the things Professor Zywicki says here and to express them as badly as he does. Or if it’s not, it should be.

The grammar’s not as bad as you think. Teh stupid, however, is.

 
 

The Truth said,
November 13, 2008 at 17:26

Wow, so idiotic on so many levels.

We have not caught the masterminds behind 9/11. They still roam free. When faced with the prospect of finishing the job in Afghanistan, we declared a false victory and up and left to go fight a pointless war in Iraq. We have not damaged Al-Qaida in any significant measure. If anything, we have helped their recruitment process. You must have also missed those memos that announced that international terrorism has increased over the past five years.

The reason why there have been no attacks on the US since 9/11 is because the Bush Administration finally learned to take this shit seriously. Bush, Rice, etc. ignored the outgoing Clinton Administration’s warnings about the severity of Al-Qaida and Bin Laden. Condi and Co. never took Richard Clark’s memos seriously.

Sadly, it took 9/11 for the Fool in Chief to wake up. Unfortunately, he also exploited 9/11 for political gain afterward. However, it didn’t quite help Rudi G. Gotta love those Republicans.

I also don’t know where you get the “imminent threat” meme from. That’s news to me. I’m sure you’ll just keep believing whatever you want regardless. Keep blathering on, we all need a laugh every now and then.

 
 

See, what is flummoxing you liberals is that a statement like “There have been no terrorist attacks on the US since Bush’s war on terror began” is actually not up for debate.

Right, it’s not up for debate, because it’s demonstrably false. Nearly every attack on US forces, allies, or “contractors” in Iraq has been characterized as a terrorist attack. Plus the anthrax and DC sniper attacks were on US soil, so you can’t really move the goalposts on that. As has been pointed out. Repeatedly.

Unless, of course, you want to advance the idea that Amerithrax and the Beltway sniper were false flag operations and that state terrorism isn’t terrorism. But I don’t think you do want to do that.

 
 

Zywicki/Palin ’12. When the world doesn’t make any sense though vote for someone who doesn’t, also.

 
 

If you thought Zywicki’s writing was bad, you should read his unprepared speeches – like this gem in which he harshes on Dartmouth even though he’s billed as a trustee: http://alumni.dartmouth.edu/default.aspx?id=736

 
 

TAXES, do not speak of taxes until you read here;

http://cafr1.com/Bankrupt.html

Our government is far from being broke. Check your states CAFR (Comprehensive Anual Financial Report) here;

http://cafr1.com/STATES/

We owe whatever you want to pay. Afterall, it is a government created by the people for the people… YES?

Get some control, with knowledge of the facts.

Phil D

 
 

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