Reader Appreciation Day!

Last week, Gavin (or as I call him, “G-Spot”) and I were talking about how darn funny our readers are.

It’s true- you guys are the most hilarious group of commenters of any blog out there (excepting World O’ Crap, which is basically Sadly, No!’s regulars plus Antichrist S. Coulter).

So in tribute to our readers, I’m posting the best material you guys have sent us over the last week. Enjoy!

First, here’s the estimable Ms. Vestal Vespa, who has written a brilliant sestina(!!) to Kaye Grogan:

A Sestina for Kaye Grogan

Kaye, Grogan, who can’t properly place a comma,
Kaye, Grogan, who mixes metaphors like a Cuisinart.
Once you were pictured with your horrible hair.
Before the image of wild jungle cats.
Oh, Kaye, you picture a world surrounded by scare “quotes.”
Your writing makes even Peggy Noonan cry.

But even for RenewAmerica you have horrible hair,
You publish “columns” with the most unnecessary of commas,
You would put “My Life” into your Cuisinart
And blend it with tuna until, fluffy, to feed your cats.
You used the word “Pasty” for “Patsy” and made me cry.
But still you can’t find the right place for your “quotes.”

Kaye, Grogan, you are so frightening with your horrible hair,
You say you are a photographer, but I think that should probably be in “quotes.”
You equate taxation to slavery but you paid tax on your Cuisinart.
Kaye, Grogan, your grim mug shot is enough to scare my cats.
I would like to pelt you with your unneeded little commas,
I would like to hit you with them until you start to cry.

Your tangled metaphors would choke the heartiest Cuisinart.
Kaye, Grogan! Your tangential arguments are enough to curl my hair!
I simply fail to see the logic you ascribe to your placement of “quotes,”
You torment the soul of the inventor of the comma.
When you try to reason your incoherence makes Socrates cry.
Trying to follow your columns is much like herding cats.

Kaye, Grogan, of Virginia, a state of much horrible hair,
We suspect it is rubber cement that makes you use random “quotes”
Holy Jesus snot, giver of inspiration, it makes you use random commas,
And tells you to put your hand into the Cuisinart
Do it Kaye! Do it or else baby Jesus will cry!
The noise is like a thousand screaming cats.

Kaye, Grogan, you speak of the “Koran Bible” and put it into “quotes,”
The glue may soon cause you to lose your horrible hair.
But one day, all will be gone, into the mushy pulp in the Cuisinart.

Touching (and from the looks of it, time-consuming).

Next up is a mysterious reader known only as “agrippa_cash.” He/she has developed a series of wingnut personal ads for our enjoyment:


And last but not least, the infamous Yosef sent us this fucked-up cat picture, presumably because he hates us:



Well, that’s all the reader mail for this week. If you’ve got something funny to contribute, pass it along, and I’ll be sure to highlight it in a future post!


Comments: 22


I KNEW it! Buddha is a cat. Obviously, a pretty damn cool cat.


….with much better hair than Kaye.


Brad forgets to mention that I call him “B-zzotch.”

Nominations for Best Comments of the Season also include:

“I’ve got an Amber Alert — IN MY PANTS!”

(I’ve been losing sleep for not mentioning that.)


Take a closer look. That cat is evil, EVIL I tell ya!


Brad forgets to mention that I call him “B-zzotch.”

Fair enough. Let’s call Seb “S-trogen.”



Thanks guys.

And props to whoever came up with the “internment camp in my pants” line. I’m doing my best to keep from exploding into grossly inappropriate laughter at my desk right now . . .


I’d say call him S-tragon, but he’s definitely

How many double-penis operations is it at this point? I haven’t even worn out this one yet.


Yes, Seb is Godot, and we’re the two bumbling fools who comically wait for him to arrive.

I think Yosef would make a good Lucky, with Amber Pawlik as Pozzo.


Virginia isn’t a state, it’s a commonwealth.


“I think Yosef would make a good Lucky…”

Sorry guys, you lost me there. What is it about you liberals and reading for fun?


Alan Teitleman is a joke in yo’ town.

Sadly, No! is worth a look every day because, face it, you don’t have the time to go trawling through the muck of the wingnet to harvest out the true jewels of lunacy on your own. Right now, however, I’d…


Yosef, you said you’d never tell anyone I shaved my fat, evil, pussy! [sob]I knew I shouldn’t have let you feed me my own pizza!!


Aww, Gavin, you remembered my tribute to Amber “Pisstastic Pizza” Pawlik. I’m touched (I’ll show you where, on the doll.)


I’m touched (I’ll show you where, on the doll.)

Ah, ha ha! Best laugh I’ve had all day.


But Amber! I put extra Miracle Whip on there just the way you like it!


I thought I recognized Yosef’s cat. It’s the model for Henry Fuseli’s painting “The Nightmare,” second version, 1791. Check the engraving and see. (The goblin, not the horse or the maiden.)


That’s a cat?!!!! Oh.Dear.God.


that creature is to cats what Kaye Grogan is to “grammer.”


An internment camp in her pants? That explains the barbed wire down there!! (rimshot)


I would like to clarify that Virginia’s horrible hair zone does not include the area immediately surrounding the nation’s capital.

The horrible hair zone tends to coincide with those areas where slavery was just outlawed oh, 10 years ago. About an hour south of here.


Blue, you’re bringing me down. I’m moving to the Peninsula next month. I guess I could always go back to my consummate ’80s mullet, deluxe Jersey edition.


Oh, you’ll be okay out there. They just talk funny.


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