“There should be no conservative counterparts of Bill Maher, Michael Moore, or Al Franken.”

What?

but but but Glenn Beck says you gotta read Liberal Fascism to edumacate yourself outside the shitty liberal feel-good gummint-run public school system!

Of course, everything that comes out of Beck’s cakehole is bullshit, so there’s that to consider.

Wed. night I got in the car and heard the final few minutes of the late-night NPR show. I tuned in just in time to hear someone say something like, “…blah blah blah Obama, but we owe him our allegiance because he is, after all, our Commander-in-Chief.”

And who said it? VDH hisself, for whom just being an American is the same as being in the military, so that the Prez isn’t just the military’s commander-in- chief, he’s everybody’s. What? Civilian control of the military? Never heard of it.

But just as importantly, we have forgotten that we have chosen the most hard left candidate since Henry Wallace assumed the Vice Presidency, in a transparent fashion without fraud or deception. That marks a landmark shift in American attitudes, like it or not.

Take that Perkins!

Couldn’t we just buy the authoritarians free passes to some BDSM so as to get them out of the way of anything like real government? It’d be a lot less dangerous.

Y’know, the problem with clicking that link is that it leads to a page that has a picture of VDH on it. I, of course, reflexively punched my computer screen, rendering it inoperable. I had to beat up a coworker and steal his monitor so I could make this post. Once again Sadly No! contributes to violence in the work place.

No, really. I’m confused. Is he saying that Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, that crazy Orlando anchor lady, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Ann Coulter, Bill Cunningham, the radio guy who fantasizes out loud about Obama killing his grandma, Laura Ingraham, G. Gordon Liddy, Dick Morris, Michael Savage, Joe Lieberman, Meghhyn whatzername on Fox News, David Horowitz, James Dobson and Ben Stein don’t exist?

Is he saying that Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, that crazy Orlando anchor lady, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Ann Coulter, Bill Cunningham, the radio guy who fantasizes out loud about Obama killing his grandma, Laura Ingraham, G. Gordon Liddy, Dick Morris, Michael Savage, Joe Lieberman, Meghhyn whatzername on Fox News, David Horowitz, James Dobson and Ben Stein don’t exist?

Oh, if only, if only…

Note again, as Europe goes wild over Obama, the subtext is, “This would never happen here.” After all, we Amis have had African-American secretaries-of-state for eight years (well over a quarter-century ago Andrew Young was UN ambassador)—and still no Turkish-German Foreign Minister or Congolese-French Prime Minister?

Yes, everyone in Europe (which magically only means white people until later in the paragraph) is secretly gloating that it wasn’t them, stuck with a darkie for a president. Well screw you cheese-eaters! Your day will come!

P.S. Europeans are racist.

Hey, wasn’t VDH claiming a while back that Bush’s successes in Iraq were a parallel with Lincoln’s conquest of Atlanta in the Civil War and therefore there would be a Republican elected President this year?

Is he saying that Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, that crazy Orlando anchor lady, […canon of leading whingnuttistanners deleted…] don’t exist?
They have never existed. They will always exist. The conservative is dead; long live the conservative. We have always been at at war with EewWhackostan.

#

pedestrian said,

November 7, 2008 at 20:17

Note again, as Europe goes wild over Obama, the subtext is, “This would never happen here.” After all, we Amis have had African-American secretaries-of-state for eight years (well over a quarter-century ago Andrew Young was UN ambassador)—and still no Turkish-German Foreign Minister or Congolese-French Prime Minister?

Yes, everyone in Europe (which magically only means white people until later in the paragraph) is secretly gloating that it wasn’t them, stuck with a darkie for a president. Well screw you cheese-eaters! Your day will come!

P.S. Europeans are racist.

I like how he manages to fit both ‘Europeans are racist’ and ‘Europeans are decadent nigger-lovers’ into the same ridiculous exegesis.

And as far as that comparison the same people who have been spending the last eight years laundering PAKI SHAME pabulum like to make, the doughty champions of free speech and Christian civilization in Denmark came close last year.

VDH:

Note the Iraqis immediately rushing to say Obama surely won’t pull out of the Iraq prematurely. Note secondly that just recently they were grandstanding that we had to leave.

Umm, I didn’t note any Iraqis “rushing to say Obama surely won’t pull out of Iraq prematurely”. In fact, I did notice their Prime Minister calling for a complete withdrawl by 2011. Oh wait, that’s the grandstanding you’re talking about – surely the Iraqi people haven’t been calling for US troop withdrawl for years.

Hey, wasn’t VDH claiming a while back that Bush’s successes in Iraq were a parallel with Lincoln’s conquest of Atlanta in the Civil War and therefore there would be a Republican elected President this year?

VDH would claim that Pearl Harbor was a scam, the Congressional declaration of war following it a crime against peace, and the dismantling of the Japanese Empire history’s greatest tragedy if it stood to even slightly benefit the Republicans.

The man is swine. All dirt must be thrown upon him.

Why hasn’t President Obama fixed the economy by now?

VDH:

Note the Iraqis immediately rushing to say Obama surely won’t pull out of the Iraq prematurely. Note secondly that just recently they were grandstanding that we had to leave.

Umm, I didn’t note any Iraqis “rushing to say Obama surely won’t pull out of Iraq prematurely”. In fact, I did notice their Prime Minister calling for a complete withdrawl by 2011. Oh wait, that’s the grandstanding you’re talking about – surely the Iraqi people haven’t been calling for US troop withdrawl for years.

Like the Civil War comparison, this is far from the first time Hanson has mangled basic reality to squeeze facts into a glib analogy or helpful narrative. The Iraqis are ungrateful bastards, but also they want us there to preserve their burgeoning democracy from the extremist majority. Their calls for withdrawal are premature, and also they haven’t really been calling for withdrawal, and also they want America out before we can do the job we set out to do, and also no they don’t, the real problem is ever getting out when the Iraqis love us so much.

Et fucking cetera. The man’s put his imprimatur on hundreds of thousands of deaths, comparing them constantly to good, just wars America has had the paramount honor of winning; to him it is not so much necessary that America prosper but that the Republican Party prosper, and the moment Obama gets into office he will begin loudly and obnoxiously cheering on the insurgency, whooping for joy as the dwindling American presence suffers casualties in the way he and his colleagues have been accusing us of for years. What else would you expect of the Grand Old Projectors?

Why hasn’t President Obama fixed the economy by now?

He just did. Dow’s up +152.84 (1.76%).

These good times will last forever.

VDH Part 2: Negro Boogaloo

A person from Mars who watched this post-election celebration, might study the popular reaction to the Obama victory and become puzzled: “Aren’t people now saying pretty much what Michelle Obama said twice, and to great criticism, during the campaign: that the emergence of Barack Obama was occasion for many to have pride in their country for the first time?”

They’ve so internalized the stupid moronic arguments they shat out during the campaign that they don’t recognize the ones that have zero traction.

You know there are several times in my life that I thought I knew joy, many times did I think to myself that I was naive before because the current level of delight that I was in made previous others pale in comparison. The wonder of achieving a new level of happiness, of completeness is miraculous – and that is the only thing that might prevent me, if given the opportunity, of kicking Victo Davis Hanson in the balls. Who am I kidding, I’d kick as hard as I could. Twice.

the moment Obama gets into office he will begin loudly and obnoxiously cheering on the insurgency, whooping for joy as the dwindling American presence suffers casualties

Why, he might even do something totally idotic and treasonous like encouraging the Iraqis to attack our troops!

The wonder of achieving a new level of happiness, of completeness is miraculous – and that is the only thing that might prevent me, if given the opportunity, of kicking Victo Davis Hanson in the balls. Who am I kidding, I’d kick as hard as I could. Twice.

Your first mistake was in assuming that he has anything there to kick. The second is assuming that even if he did, this isn’t exactly the sort of rough play he enjoys.

PS FSM, I miss the Dysfunctional Family Circus.

VDH 3: The Search for Sporks:

When off the teleprompter, natural exuberance takes over.

OMG! Hte horrors! Sometimes Obama gets excited, veers off message and occasionally gaffes it up! He’s the only one that does this, or at the very least, he’s way worse than anyone else at it. I’m so glad we’ve introduced this standard of judging public leaders now that Boosh is leaving the stage – and don’t forget, my fellow prisoners, that McCain will veto every beer.

Regarding VDH’s insights into the budget shortfall in Obama’s overall plan – he’s pulling numbers out his ass. If you gazoogle Obama trillion dollar plan you get this:

They would realize that Obama has slated over 1 trillion dollars over the next 10 years to solve the worlds problems and spread Americanism overseas.

VDH concedes that ending the Iraq war = $100 billion/year. Over 10 years this equals 1 trillion dollars. Wheeeee!

But who knows, maybe VDH means a different trillion dollar increase in spending. I sure don’t, and I suspect that VDH doesn’t either.

I just realized: it might mean giving up the opportunity to have a legitimate and trenchant left-wing historiographic voice on the air, but the beautifully obvious respondant to Victor Davis Hanson would be Ward Churchill.

Tut tut, hard leftists. I wish you would try to frame your criticism in more unified pro-American tones. You know, lighten up a bit on all the ebullition and feign a bit of sadness while waving that scimitar.

As a self-interested columnist, I would hope Obama reassumes his natural hard-left position of his 1996-2005 period that would provide both plentiful column topics and prove counterproductive to his I fear scary agenda.

Is Hanson being serious? “Hard Left”? Obama? Mr. “I want Rahm Emanuel as my chief of staff” Obama?

It is like a strange kind of political nearsightedness, as if Hanson could only see clearly for three inches, and therefore anything two feet away from him might as well be in outer space.

Your first mistake was in assuming that he has anything there to kick. The second is assuming that even if he did, this isn’t exactly the sort of rough play he enjoys.

Well, point one you’ve got me on. Point two? Sure there are nut crusher fetishists out there, but the thing about the fetish is that the damage is limited to discomfort or possibly temporary injury. I’d just have to kick a little bit harder than that. Anyways…

VDH 4: A New Hopey Stimulus Package:

After running up the annual deficit to a near half-a-trillion dollars in stimuli rebates and bailouts, now we are to send checks out again for subsidies for food, housing, and power?

VDH is a conservative so he has problems understanding this sort of thing. Which ideology shepherded in the lovely financial crisis that’s raping your retirement (if you’re lucky)? Which ideology lead to massive deficits? Regarding the logic – here it is. Despite all the screeching from jackholes like VDH about “wealth redistribution” and socialism, inequality in the US is increasing. The OECD “Growing Unequal” document that the wingers were waving around says exactly that. The Gini Coefficient in the US is trending upwards. IOW, the rich are indeed getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. If you think that that is a desireable outcome, then you should just say so, instead of pretending that tax cuts for the rich is the best way to help the middle class.

Conservatives love to write about what black people are thinking with no more evidence than camera shots of crowds on the national news. Black people cheering for Obama? Racist! Tribalist! Proof that they vote with their ooga boogas, not their scientifically calibrated European rational faculties!

I saw a lot of dejected white people on the TV too, buddy. I could also point out that black voters have voted for the whitey Democrot with 90%+ margins in the last few elections, and that Obama made his largest gains among whites and latinos. But I don’t have to, cuz we won, bitch.

Ward Churchill

VD Hanson is a scholar, Ward Churchill is a fraud. Also, the latter is busy controlling the entire hierarchy of the Democratic Party under Bill Ayers so he’s busy.

So as the men of Sparta
Did engage in manly emraces
while wrestling, hands sqeezing
Out their last shuddering
and pellucid drop of strength,
So did Viktor, son oh Hanson,
Vow to embrace most fondly
His bold and manly fellows now
Limp in defeat and empty of palms.

“manly embraces”

Damn, Susan. I need a towel.

Out their last shuddering
and pellucid drop of strength

WIN

Ward Churchill

VD Hanson is a scholar, Ward Churchill is a fraud. Also, the latter is busy controlling the entire hierarchy of the Democratic Party under Bill Ayers so he’s busy.

You’ve got it backwards (or perhaps we are to believe that Thermopylae was all about butch proto-Aryans defending marriage from the queer colored ninjas of the East); the primary thing about Churchill is that he’s stultifyingly unimportant and uninfluential.

I would just enjoy it for the wingnuts going into Pavlovian spasms whenever VDH appeared.

Is Hanson being serious? “Hard Left”? Obama? Mr. “I want Rahm Emanuel as my chief of staff” Obama?

Probably. Remember that having a centrist in office – and I agree that Obama is centrist, at least by U.S. standards – represents a gigantic lurch to the left. Not all the way to the left, but leftward.

From the fringes, the center looks extreme.

And I’m officially keeping out of the classics on Herr Viktor from now on. There is no improving on ‘pellucid drop of strength’.

Not to stir up bygone poop, but this Op-ED at Forbes.com opines that Obama’s triumph is due to the rise of the Creative Class. And hence, the CC are the real winners.

Please: don’t go getting all negative about it unless you can demonstrate you know what’s meant by the term “Creative Class.” Please, already.

Tut tut, hard leftists. I wish you would try to frame your criticism in more unified pro-American tones. You know, lighten up a bit on all the ebullition and feign a bit of sadness while waving that scimitar.

We’re commenting about VDH. None of us is hard. Anyways, it’s hard to feign sadness when you’re ululating the announcement of “DEATH TO AMERICA”.

VDH 5 is Alive!

We are going to witness a gargantuan struggle among the Obama camp in the next 90 days. On the one hand, the following argument will be advanced:

“Look, Barack, we have a historical opportunity with the Congress, the honeymoon, voter momentum, and your communicative brilliance. Carpe diem!”

The fractured Democratic Party. Just like the Hillaroid PUMAs were gonna sink Obama’s chances. I’m gonna let VDH in on the secret (not that he’ll get it, it’s something that conservatives don’t understand) internal party disagreements are good things. If lefties wanted a political party that behaved like a behemoth monolith, prizing party discipline over actual intelligent positions on issues – we’d be Republicans. Sure one of the major political party’s seems to think that fucking around, playing games and making fun of your opponents is their number one priority – but it ain’t Democrats that voted against Mother’s Day. It’s no wonder that most of the jackholes who think dissent is treason are on the right side of the spectrum.

Summary paragraphs from Op-Ed linked above.

Theoretically, there is opportunity for the Republicans–if they can somehow jettison the more primitive parts of their social agenda and come up with their own bold, environmentally sound energy agenda. The new hegemons could easily be painted as moralistic hypocrites who live the carbon-heavy luxury lifestyle of the super-rich while demanding ordinary Americans give up their cars, homes and even their jobs.

Yet given the creative class’ increasing domination of the media, and the inability of the GOP to comprehend the changing world around it, such a counterstroke may be years in coming. For the time being we will just have to watch to see if the new economic order can perform better than the now largely discredited old business establishment whose time in the sun, at least for now, has set.

Is Hanson being serious? “Hard Left”? Obama? Mr. “I want Rahm Emanuel as my chief of staff” Obama?

Probably. Remember that having a centrist in office – and I agree that Obama is centrist, at least by U.S. standards – represents a gigantic lurch to the left. Not all the way to the left, but leftward.

From the fringes, the center looks extreme.

I think it’s just the reifying attack lines shit DKW (who Rachel Maddow swears looks like Elvis) identified. Hanson is so deeply and totally dependent on his right-wing kulturkampf handlers that, left to his own devices, he begins elaborating on their stupid attack lines long, long after their expiration date.

Wingnuts are going to be hunting for Bill Ayers and feigning ignorance about the normal role of the State Department for years; maybe both of Barry O’s terms. It’s a small blessing; considering that they gleefully embrace genocide, stupefyingly ill-advised privatization and deregulation scams, and Bush and Palin as respective brazen idols of manhood and womanhood, God help our children’s ears if they actually start having to deal with reality sui generis again. Hell, look at Pravda: as soon as the McCain campaign stopped issuing regular talking points, he just automatically reverted to reciting lists of black people who had wronged honkies.

No doubt when Hanson no longer has Rove’s narrative effluvium to rely on, he’ll fall back on screaming about fags in the Army and trying to stake out the educational and cultural elite for the blindly obedient right.

Yet given the creative class’ increasing domination of the media,

What in the fuck? Isn’t that what that dumb slur is supposed to mean?

Christ, when you think the right-wing noise machine couldn’t get any stupider…

Note again, as Europe goes wild over Obama, the subtext is, “This would never happen here.”

Disraeli? Never heard of him. (I could go back to Septimus Severus, a man of Berber heritage, but I don’t think that’s necessary.)

After all, we Amis have had African-American secretaries-of-state for eight years (well over a quarter-century ago Andrew Young was UN ambassador)

Paul Boateng was secretary to the treasury (of Britain) from 2001-2005 before becoming High Commissioner to South Africa which makes him a member of the Privy Council (still a cabinet official).

And what the fuck is an “Ami”? We’re yanks dipshit.

—and still no Turkish-German Foreign Minister or Congolese-French Prime Minister?

Nope, just a Hungarian-French PM.

the primary thing about Churchill is that he’s stultifyingly unimportant and uninfluential.

That was the latter jokier part of what I wrote, but the primary thing about Churchill really is that he was a fraud. While it makes me cackle to think of the right suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous Rupperts, said Rupperts are not my standard-bearers.

We ought to sit VDH and his ilk at the children’s table. Period.

Nope, just a Hungarian-French PM.

MÉTRO SARKO DODO

That was the latter jokier part of what I wrote, but the primary thing about Churchill really is that he was a fraud. While it makes me cackle to think of the right suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous Rupperts, said Rupperts are not my standard-bearers.

Sure, but it’s not like Hanson is exactly important: just a dumb cheerleader. Dignifying him with a reasonable, historically relevant response would be unfair.

What in the fuck? Isn’t that what that dumb slur is supposed to mean?

Christ, when you think the right-wing noise machine couldn’t get any stupider…

Well, yeah, there is that. Also, you gotta love the demonstration of his non-CC-ness in the fractured metaphor discredited old business establishment whose time in the sun, at least for now, has set.

Ouch.

As much as I despise the liberal media, I do subscribe to Jet magazine and there was an interesting bit in the latest issue. In 1968, Robert Kennedy predicted that the U.S. would have a black president in 40 years. Dude??? 1968-2008? 40 frikkin’ years!!

…discredited old business establishment whose time in the sun, at least for now, has set….

I also liked Neanderthal creationist.

I will also confess that I am only shallowly (ergo, blissfully) unfamiliar with both Churchill and VDH. Life is sweet for us ignorati.

sometimes “LOL” is really all there is to say.

I knew as soon as that Corner dude posted the link to “from 52 to 48” and said “this is sweet”, he was in for it. And in Jonah-like fashion, there is his backtracking in it’s pathetic glory.

And what the fuck is an “Ami”? We’re yanks dipshit.

It’s a German thing.

“Creative class”?

All I can think of is the lyrics from Frank Zappa’s opera Thing-Fish, viz:

“Fairies and faggits and queers are creative”, thus it’s yet more conservative pink-baiting.

(Note that the above is sung by a right-wing character who is a evil prince and part-time theater critic and thus the use of non-PC language is justified. I don’t know if the Forbes columnist is an evil prince; I’m guessing “probably”.)

Okay, let me try that again. “…shallowly familiar…”

Sure, but it’s not like Hanson is exactly important: just a dumb cheerleader. Dignifying him with a reasonable, historically relevant response would be unfair.

Well sure, but a pie to the face means pie still exists while a response from Ward Churchill means Ward Churchill still exists, and I know what I’d rather have around.

“Creative class”?

Sure! Virgin Atlantic introduced it on their flights to Luton this year.

In 1968, Robert Kennedy predicted that the U.S. would have a black president in 40 years.

Not exactly.

Well, he did say “could” and did give a fairly accurate if not precise time frame.

“Creative class”?

All I can think of is the lyrics from Frank Zappa’s opera Thing-Fish, viz:

“Fairies and faggits and queers are creative”, thus it’s yet more conservative pink-baiting.

Yeah, that’s the (vile) intended secondary meaning. But it’s a remarkable slip; the point is supposed to be something tedious about media control by faggy lefty types, not that controlling the media makes you a faggy lefty type.

It’s like claiming, with great seriousness and self-importance, that the ‘hollywood elite’ are in control of Hollywood. Well, yeah – that just makes the fact that you’re using it as a synonym for ‘kike’ obvious.

As much as I despise the liberal media, I do subscribe to Jet magazine and there was an interesting bit in the latest issue. In 1968, Robert Kennedy predicted that the U.S. would have a black president in 40 years. Dude??? 1968-2008? 40 frikkin’ years!!

The comparison was more of the ‘within’ kind than the ‘in’ kind, but it’s still pretty remarkable. If one wanted to be cynical, one could say that Whitey had to run up the clock first and put a black man in at the last possible second.

VDH Part 6, the one where he’s played by Bill Cosby:

There was something bothersome about the treatment of Sarah Palin. Her final campaign appearances and interviews showed calm, poise and competence. Her charm galvanized the base.

BWAHAHAHHHAHAHAHA!!!one1!
Calm: …really shore up the strategies that we need over in Iraq and Iran to win these wars?
Poise: pallin’ around with terrorists, because Dems think that they’re the good guys.
Competence: Isn’t Africa a country? Isn’t it part of NAFTA?

Just earlier VDH was ragging on Obama for saying that his grandma lived through two world wars, when really it was only one!!!11one-I-say! Yup, Palin, paragon of calm, poise and competence.

But he’s right that she did galvanize the base:

The Obama campaign was provided with reports from the Secret Service showing a sharp and disturbing increase in threats to Obama in September and early October, at the same time that many crowds at Palin rallies became more frenzied.

Oh, lord.

ThinkProgress has this turd from Sen. Evan Bayh concerning Lieberman:

BAYH: And I think if Joe came before the caucus and said look, if I said some things that came as offensive, I’m sorry, but they were, you know heartfelt in my support of John McCain. I think we had to just let bygones be bygones. We’re going to need him on healthcare and energy independence and education and a whole lot of other things.

I think we had just to let both Bayh and Lieberman find a nice short dock to take a long walk on. Creeps.

Well sure, but a pie to the face means pie still exists while a response from Ward Churchill means Ward Churchill still exists, and I know what I’d rather have around.

I know I’ve been linking to the Exile too much lately, but this may just be the best pieing in the history of the genre.

And it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.

“There should be no conservative counterparts of Bill Maher, Michael Moore, or Al Franken.”

I’m betting some oleaginous Reagan-adoring sot is in his Mommy’s den right this minute, smearing chicken-grease all over his keyboard whilst frenetically working up a rough storyboard for his magnum opus – “Fahrenheit 666: The Rise & Fall Of The Obama Empire Of Evil” … does that quotation up there mean we won’t be seeing a HALF-HOUR NEWS HOUR sequel any time soon? That’d be such a pity, as would the absence of a sequel (or prequel?) to An American Carol.

These things NEED to happen, not just for the good of America but for the good of comedy itself – after all, the conservatives have proven over & over with these golden jewels of cultural boffo that the throne of comic wit is their natural birthright … whyever in the world would they hesitate to put their otiose necks back into that noose?

Poise: pallin’ around with terrorists, because Dems think that they’re the good guys.

Yeah, my favorite part of the whole thing was split between the dignity and poise involved in trying to menace bloggers, considering a disloyal librarian a threat to the great state of Alaska, and that thing where she faked a Minnesota accent to convince us she was as mouth-breathingly stupid as us real Americans.

Creative Class=People not terrified of learning and accepting new things…

No doubt when Hanson no longer has Rove’s narrative effluvium to rely on, he’ll fall back on screaming about fags in the Army

Which is pretty funny considering his field of expertise, as so ably spotlighted by Susan of Texas.

I know I’ve been linking to the Exile too much lately, but this may just be the best pieing in the history of the genre.

Thanks for that. Most amusing.

Blind Squirrel Double Bill

VDH Part 7: Even blind Advent Children can find a mana potion every now and then.
I’m skipping this one on the basis that I also think the media has a fucked-up relationship with John Sidney McCain the Third, now melanoma-free. Although if he really wants to have an argument about media bias against JiSM3 this election, then he should do a little research into how many people were riding the tire swing.

VDH Part 8: Victor Takes Manhattan

Who cares whether the royal House of Saud is happy over the election, or those in the Iranian parliament or the activists of Hezbollah?

Back to back agreements with VDH. I’m going neo-con! This time I have no qualification on my agreement, although John “If Senator Obama is favored by Hamas I think people can make judgments accordingly” McCain might disagree.

Which is pretty funny considering his field of expertise, as so ably spotlighted by Susan of Texas.

Yup. He goes to ridiculous lengths to whitewash it, indicating that he’s fully conscious of it – one of Dolan/Brecher’s favorite bits is comparing the brutal but relatively practical nature of classical warfare (lots of rape, murder, and frank injustice) with the sort of Eternal Crusade for Civilization Hanson periodically projects onto the past to support his own pony in the present.

300, which I’ve referenced tangentially, was written and directed with Hanson as the primary historical consultant. His advice involved hetero-ing up the Spartans (hilarious in light of their marital custom, which had the bride shave and lay in the dark, under the probably justified belief that after twenty years in the barracks sleeping with something that was clearly not another man would be strange and terrifying for the poor youth), making them peach-white, middle-American brunettes and blondes (300 is better than usual in this regard, but only by accident) and projecting American butch onto men who put on oils, fancy dress, and periwigs to psych up for battle.

And, of course, the Persians had to become decadent, dusky (in history no darker or lighter than the Greeks, by evidence) queers, despotic monsters bent on subverting Civilization. The fact that most of what we identify as ‘civilization’ has more root in the Zoroastrian canon as the pre-Athenian-hegemonic goes unnoticed; the Persians are not just barbarians at the gates but faggy, dusky defilers.

Hanson at every turn cheapened the past by turning it into a little America, complete with a ridiculous parody of al Qaeda and the USSR mixed together in generous portions, putting in the mouths of people who were so short on words we continue to call succinct speakers by their name grand speeches in favor of Truth, Justice, and the American Way. Add great oil-and-CGI-enhanced human muscle clusters flying at each other in loving slow motion for two hours and you’ve got something which couldn’t more strongly appeal to your RiM-style confused fascist closet cases more.

I’m by no respect an expert in the classics, and people who are (both on ancient Greece and the ancient Cradle of Civilization, both of which VDH maligns hideously) have even more to say about this shit than I do. But I know history when I see it, and this is just third-rate keyfabe blown up to silver-screen dimensions. I’m just glad that he’s no longer relevant to anyone, a dog without a master left to cue him to bark.

VDH Part 8: Victor Takes Manhattan

Who cares whether the royal House of Saud is happy over the election, or those in the Iranian parliament or the activists of Hezbollah?

Back to back agreements with VDH. I’m going neo-con! This time I have no qualification on my agreement, although John “If Senator Obama is favored by Hamas I think people can make judgments accordingly” McCain might disagree.

I strongly suspect this is one of those cases of damning with faint praise, or raising an issue illegitimately by claiming it to be irrelevant. It’s something right-wing sleazebags like quite a bit (‘Well, of course Obama isn’t a Muslim and nothing about his poorly-understood biography conclusively proves him to be a Muslim, but people are talking about it.’) and the entire ‘the left is rooting for the evil Hezbians, is can be concentration camp time plz?’ routine is something near and dear to his cancerous heart.

VDH Part 9: A Half…dozen weak arguments:
1. Trust in the media: I’m sorry but that bridge was burned when you right-tards pressured them into not investigating why the US should be going to war. BTW, why was that again?
2. Public Financing: You know who ran up afoul McCain-Feingold during the primaries? I guess promising a bank that you’ll accept public financing in order to secure a loan is less binding than promising to agree on a fundraising truce. Still, he has a point. Campaign Financing is meant to reduce the influence of Big Money in elections. I wonder though, what’s a greater threat Obama’s Army of Small Donors or a small group of cinsistent Max Donors.
3. Well if I wasn’t pissed off before, I sure as hell am now. Hey did you know that Colin Powell is a joke because he endorsed Obama, and not because the neocons convinced him to lie to the UN about WMDs? I sure didn’t.
4. Obamacons. I agree that a lot of them are dirtbag weasels, but this notion you have of “why they did it” is messed up. Maybe the reason why they can’t explain their preference of Obama’s policy positions over McCain’s is because McCain never fucking talked about policy or issues. Maybe they jumped ship because of the totally ridiculous choice he made for VP, or for the direction of his campaign, or maybe because he’s a fucking asshole. ‘Cause they all loved to cite those as reasons when they made their apostasy declarations. Still, this reflects on Barack Obama how?
5. Beltway Republicans. You know what? Fuck ’em. Beltway Republicans can kiss my shiny metal ass. But VDH, as I just asked – this reflects on Barack Obama how?

Also, PROTIP for VDH: Lurn 2 speeling “incompetent”. Accusing others of being incompents? Fucking delicious irony, that is.

In other news, rebels defeat empire; empire offers consulting services to rebels at reasonable rates.

Shoot. This VDH decaology in nine parts is taking too fucking long. Well, maybe a quick wrap-up and then I’ll go check out what’s going on with n00t upstairs.

VDH Part 10: Little Niggers

Not a word where the borrowing would ultimately come from, how it would be paid back, or how the indebted incurred their obligations in the first place.

Hey Asshole, who dug this fucking hole in the ground in the first place?
Oh, that’s right – it was your fucking guy.

George Bush — through the beheadings, the kidnappings, Abu Ghraib, the hysteria of a Richard Clark, Joe Wilson, Anonymous, Rathergate, the 9/11 Commission, CIA rogue analysts, cheap European slurs, insane remarks from Walter Cronkite to Bill Moyers, and last-minute media fabricated “scandals” — has never faltered, so confident was he in the exceptionalism of America and the unshakeable resolve and competence of the U.S. military.

Conservatism is such a nasty disease, that curing the symptoms of it (a nation off the rails and sinking fast) is expensive. But maybe if you stopped peeing yourself everytime you saw some one with skin darker than kraft paper – you woulda noticed that the shitbag conservatives you lurve so much were spending the US into the poorhouse. Maybe if you took your fucking ideological blinders off for a second you might have noticed:
2000 – last year of Democratic Administration – record budget surplus
2001 – first year of Bush – deficit
2002-2004 – Bush – every year a new record for size of deficit.
2005-2008 – Bush Term 2 – every year deficit. Raised the debt limit repeatedly.

So I guess the proper response to a conservative when he talks about fiscal restraint is “EAT A BAG OF DICKS“

Holy Hell, DK, you’re one magnificent bastard.

Hooray for me!
Please note that after all that work, I think I only managed about half as witty as:
Hanson the Red, OBE, VC, DSM-IV…

That’s fucking subtle genius that is.

Hooray for me!
Please note that after all that work, I think I only managed about half as witty as:
Hanson the Red, OBE, VC, DSM-IV…

That’s fucking subtle genius that is.

It reminded me of one of those damn conversations Djur and I had in which we established that the British aristocracy is just the Palin family given good luck and time.

This was, of course, before Palin became nationally visible, so we didn’t have her beautiful children to name our hypothetical American nobleman after. We had to go with ‘Colt Ruger Hunter, KBE’.

Colt Ruger Hunter, KBE

I thought it was “Cody,” not “Colt.” Cody Ruger Hunter KBE, Hammer of the Jews.

In any case, it came as a result of this (search for “Ruger”).

Nice shout-out for Llareggub, there.

Wow, VDH must be writing his column in a parallel universe in which Bill Kristol has a beard!

Holy Hell, DK, you’re one magnificent bastard.

It’s the shiny metal ass that does it for me. I’d had no idea, but I should have guessed it.

“Pellucid Drop of Strength” is my favourite variety of weizenbock.

Liberals are the true hypocrites.

The fact is, human flatus contains methane, which is a significant contributor to global warming. Homofecal intercourse weakens the anal sphincter, contributing to the release of greenhouse gases.

If liberals really cared about fighting global warming (instead of just bankrupting the coal industry), they would be celebrating Proposition 8 instead of fighting to have it overturned by activist judges.

Jeffey and Dolly are telling their mom that they just shit their pants.

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