While We Must Do, Ace Must Only Be
Posted on November 7th, 2008 by Gavin M.
ABOVE: Dude, you ought to see his traffic lately
Shorter Every Post at Ace Of Spades HQ That Was Posted by Ace in the Roughly Four and One-Half Hours Between 4:15pm and 8:49pm on Thursday, November 6:
Comedians Declare They Just Can’t Find Anything At All Funny About Barack Obama
—Ace
- Comedians have a clear liberal bias, for here, unthought-of by them, is a clever joke about Barack Obama being black.
- Hey, let’s try this one: Conservatives are not racist because Barack Obama is unqualified to be President compared to all the other black people.
- Once I totally would have done Amy Winehouse, but now she is beneath consideration.
- A teacher in Hungary stripped to her underwear in front of a class of students, suggesting to me a systemic deterioration of morals in the American educational system since the election of Barack Obama last Tuesday night.
VDH: The Day After
—Ace
- Victor Davis Hanson, in a page of howling gibberish the astounding nature of which I am incapable of perceiving, says that the right should behave more maturely and civilly than the left behaved during the heyday of Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, and so forth. I second the motion, and the anti-American Marxist swine should be gibbeted.
- It is well known that conservatives are punished for crimes while liberals escape penalty.
The Age of Plenty, Day 2: Worst Two-Day Plummet Since 1987
—Ace
- Just as George W. Bush was forced to take responsibility for a recession that began during the Clinton administration, Democrats must now bear the blame for a recession that has traveled backward in time from something that Obama will have done.
Silvio Berlusconi on Obama: “He Is Young, He Is Beautiful, and He Is Tanned”
—Ace
- Heh heh, heck of a job, Brownie.
Bleg…
—Ace
- Can someone get me a bag of chips? Thanks. Hey [munch munch], there’s some chips here if you want some.
- Some guy forwarded an email to me from some other guy who said he called the McCain campaign office to complain about their not supporting Palin enough during the feud between McCain and Palin, and long story short, he says some unnamed guy there was an asshole. This is meaningful because any stray rumor that supports Palin’s side is evidentiary, while any collaborated narrative that supports McCain’s side is a filthy and intolerable smear spewed by traitors.
Marx Was Right: Class Trumps Race or Any Other Demopoitical Interest
—Ace
- In an unfinished essay, I have been trying to argue that the patrician George W. Bush was an ordinary, salt-of-the-earth American, but also fortunately a patrician, while Sarah Palin was exactly the other way around, and could have been a patrician if she wanted to, and yet impressively was not one. Point being, I was watching Gosford Park in my Boston pied-à-terre and realized that liberals are snobs for knowing about Robert Altman while real people are sitting on their porches with banjos.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions™.
Ace’s (and Palin’s) ‘real people’ bear a striking resemblence to the Khmer Rouge’s ‘base people’. Which begs the question, would Ace be the one to smash the rifle butt into the bespectacled Sarah Palin’s face?
Also, Ace uses the term ‘zinger’ in that first post about how to make fun of Obama. He is obviously on the fast track to replace Jon Stewart.
I can’t wait to see how Ace handles inauguration day.
and the anti-American Marxist swine should be gibbeted
Gibbeted? Or gibleted? Gilbetted maybe? Gilletted?
It’s all gravy.
The story about the stripping teacher, which I followed for strictly academic reasons, dates back to Nov 3rd, so it could only have been caused by Obama’s very large, strong, um, firm lead in the polls.
One line of attack that is now mostly past its expiration date is Ayers/Wright. ACE 6:18pm
America is a special country for going for the Jeremiah Wright’s and Bill Ayers’ most famous disciple. ACE 8:11pm
Except of course for the zinger that my tipster sends me in his email, calling Obama The Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers.ACE 8:49pm
Remind me to never drink milk from Ace’s fridge.
I think there are a lot of jokes comedians can tell about Obama. Like, here’s one:
So president-elect Obama walks into a bar. And he sits down at the counter and says to the bartender, “hey, do you want to hear a joke about how dumb Ace is?” And the bartender says, “look, before you tell that joke, I think I better tell you something, buddy,” and the bartender points to the two men sitting beside Obama. “See those two men there? They’re Ace’s cousin, and one’s a former professional wrestler and the other’s a knife-fighter.” And then the bartender points to two rough, tattooed and musclebound guys at a table behind Obama. “And see those two guys there? Those are Ace’s brothers, and they both just got out of prison.” And then the bartender pulls out a baseball bat from behind the counter and begins tapping it against his palm. “And me,” he says. “I’m Ace’s father.” And the bartender glares at Obama and says “Now, knowing what I just told you, are you sure you still want to tell that joke about how dumb Ace is?” And Obama takes a moment and looks around the room, from man to man. And Obama says, “No, you know, on second thought I don’t think I want to tell that joke about how dumb Ace is after all.” And Obama looks around the room once again at all five members of Ace’s family. “’cause once I tell it I sure as hell don’t want to have to explain it five times.”
Oblivion just told me these guys were more than welcome.
For one thing, Vickie doesn’t understand how the Fairness Doctrine used to work (perhaps he’s too young to remember?) It was applied at the local level, never at the broadcast network level, because the big networks weren’t in the business of pushing a fixed political opinion, like Limbaugh and his ilk. The whole idea is that the airwaves are public commons, so it applied to whatever broadcasting operation was actually beaming radio waves through your body and your property. Those entities were your local TV and radio stations.
The fact that the local stations were contracted by large networks to carry their programming was beside the point. It was the local station’s responsibility under the terms of its FCC license to conform to the Fairness Doctrine, and present a BALANCE of political opinion programming. They were required to provide to the citizens a certain amount of public access for opinions (or anything else) to be broadcast. Anyone who experienced radio and TV in the 1960s and 70s saw and heard these things, usually some local community organizer pleading their cause, but also the occasional raging looney loudly expressing an opinion (which were always the most entertaining.)
Thing was, if they gave Public Service Announcement time to one raging looney to spout a political opinion, they had to put out a call for raging loonies with the opposite opinion to also come on the air, and give one of them the same amount of air time. It made for some interesting television and radio.
Every couple of years, they had to hold a hearing and collect letters from the public to determine if the station was fulfilling their mandated commitment to political opinion balance. Station logs were scrutinized for evidence of unbalance in air time.
It wouldn’t mean the end of opinionated programming. No one would be silenced. But all local stations would have to present a balance of political opinion. Which just means equal conservative/liberal airtime on each and every local station. For every Rush Limbaugh there would have to be an Ed Shultz, with equal time. This is not silencing conservative shock jocks. It is preventing a given local station (like KSFO here in the Bay Area) from being all wingnut all the time. They can’t form a station’s image around being right-wing. THAT is what the wingers don’t want to lose.
The fact is, Ace has to be the most physically repulsive conservative blogger I can recall. I’m saying Brent Baker of NewsBusters looks more attractive. Ace makes K-Lo look hot.
Oh, and Vickie’s comment about “There should be no conservative counterparts of Bill Maher, Michael Moore, or Al Franken.”
Bullshit. There already are. Dennis Miller wishes he were Bill Maher. They’ve got David Zucker, who made a point of parodying Moore. ANd Franken’s whole schtick was to be the anti-Rush.
Rush is an institution, so what the fuck is he whining about? Dennis Miller just ceased being funny when he went wingnut. Zucker has the same problem – he’s not funny anymore. You can’t make funny political satire when you’re on the side of the authoritarians. Political satire lampoons authoritarians.
Oh man. Christmas has come early this year.
I’m tempted to just run with it. So, the new face of the GOP is Malkin, Ace, Erickson, and Hindrocket? Fine. If they want Ann Althouse, that’s fine too. The Palins, Rush, Joe the Whatever. Fine. I’d love to see all of them considered the new (and old!) GOP talking heads of record. I’m okay with a unilateral reverse Fairness doctrine. They’ve been poisonous for years, I don’t think they will stop all at once and so why not slow them down by bringing them in the system. Give ’em all cable access shows and Nation columns.
‘Arse of Spuds’
That post of Ace’s about McCain’s campaign worker, the Idiot Phone Guy?
Ace gave his flying monkeys the guy’s number and they’re all calling him up to harass him and giggling about it in the comments.
The future of conservatism.
My favorite is when a conservative complains that the media is all liberal propoganda, then frets over the looming threat of the Fairness Doctrine.
It’s like, dude. Now is your CHANCE. Conservatives will finally be heard, for the first time ever in any medium. Rush Limbaugh may even be given a national platform!
Ace gave his flying monkeys the guy’s number and they’re all calling him up to harass him and giggling about it in the comments.
Ya know, people “in the real world” that are actually “really involved in Republican politics” and shit could make someones life “complicated” for someone that does this.
Now, that would be funny.
Picture needs sammich. Smut needs more beer.
No one would be silenced. But all local stations would have to present a balance of political opinion.
Ah, but this is a fallacy in wingnut logic, known as non communico: if you can possess it, then they do not have it.
No, not a sammich. The picture needs a bag of dicks. Possibly cheeto flavoured.
“and the anti-American Marxist swine should be gibbeted
Gibbeted? Or gibleted? Gilbetted maybe? Gilletted?”
Giblets is here:
http://fafblog.blogspot.com/
Apparently, ‘Ace of Spades’ is Cockney rhyming slang for ‘AIDS’.
Several hours later, Smut has had more beer, but Ace is still ugly.
Yeah, it’s like totally unfair David Vitter is rotting in jail while Spitzer walks free. Fascists.
CPAC’s conservative blog of the year, folks! Let’s all give him a big hand and an extra nappy.
Doesn’t Ace care that, thanks to an Obama win, two little girls are getting a puppy?
That right there is more happiness than the world would see from all four years of a McCain Presidency.
Hmmm… I’m trying to think of who the lefty equivalent of VDH might be. Vickie might just be in a class by himself.
It doesn’t make up for all the wan, supple little girls the same age who, thanks to perfidious Marxists like Obama, have been defiled with enough sex education to deny him the element of surprise.
Neither are lefties, but Juan Cole for history and John Dolan for warfare.
Regarding the fairness doctrine, in the UK any political party that fields a minimum number of candidates gets an allocation of state-funded TV ads. The more seats you contest, the more ads you get; so the three main parties, who contest every seat, get an equal share of the ad space. This at least has the virtue of keeping down the ad requirement for money, and keeping the number of ads down to a tolerable level.
Posted by Ace in the Roughly Four and One-Half Hours Between 4:15pm and 8:49pm on Thursday, November 6
I don’t know offhand who makes Red Bull, but I’d buy their stock, folks. Looks like the company’s going to do remarkably well for the next four-to-eight years.
VDH was on NPR on Wednesday and he was for once not acting like such a wanker. As for Ace, thanks for introducing me to yet another wingnut online extravaganza.
I’d like to see Pammy Atlas be given the role she’s earned: The spokesperson for the right wing for the next four years.
This is gonna be great!
/Flounder
I like to think the real conservatives wouldn’t be put off by a half-hour lecture every day about how horrifyingly anti-Semitic Clarence Thomas is.
Why does this creature live in Boston? Does anyone know? Being in such a place, given his “thought” processes, can’t be good for him.
Just as George W. Bush was forced to take responsibility for a recession that began during the Clinton administration, Democrats must now bear the blame for a recession that has traveled backward in time from something that Obama will have done.
Too early in the morning for me to be laughing this hard.
Too early in the morning for me to be laughing this hard.
No doubt – you all are on fire in this thread.
Woo.
Geez, that’s a lotta links.
First – Bill Maher isn’t funny but The Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers is? Well, here’s why you don’t see any jokes about Obama – you wouldn’t recognize a joke if it stared you straight in the face – case in point, you don’t laugh yourself silly looking in the mirror. O NOES, hte Onion haz declared B. Hussein Liberal
JesusMohammed off limits for hte comedies!!!!Second – There are four qualifications to be President:
– 1 – Naturally-born citizen. Despite the million nut-hours spent on birth certificate kerning, this has yet to be disproven. In fact, at this point Barack Obama has this qualification more carefully vetted than any previous US President in history.
– 2 – 35 years of age. Check…wait maybe the birth certificate actually says 1982 instead of 1962! Yeah that’s the ticket, get me some Kerners on this STAT!
– 3 – US Residency. You’d think this wouldn’t be a problem, but I’m sure the wingnuts are checking to see if Rezkoland is a foreign country.
and hte most impoortunanting one:
– 4 – Elected. Which is more than W could say during his first term.
Third, nice shorter up there. I think we should also point out that according to Ace, Winehouse started as a crackwhore – meaning that he thinks crackwhores “are tasty”. Also I’m no Winehouse fan and despite being ravaged by years of drug abuse, I’d still bet Amy Winehouse could kick Ace’s ass without breaking a sweat.
Fourth, yeah – actions by a Hungarian teacher = Age of Obama. Man this Age of Obama is awesome, kicking in two and a half months before inauguration. Anyways, what type of sexist misogynistic attitudes would lead to anyone thinking it’s appropriate for a teacher to strip in front of her teenaged students?
Oh, that one. Well thank God it wasn’t a fat chick. Asshole.
Fifth, [note: I’m fading here, marathon kicking Ace is hard work]. Umm,,, Blah Blah Blah Civility Blah Blah Blah “but the primary thrust changes from Who Obama Is to What Obama Does” Blah Blah Blah Ayers Blah Wright Blah…Oops I started and now I can’t stop,,,,Ayers! Wright! Marxist! Terrorist! Ayers! Wright!
Invisible Pink Unicorn, Your inscrutably unkowing Invisbleness guide us while Your cheery bright Pinkness light a path for us to find The Way. Grant me the patience and strength to suffer through this depth of insipid stupidity.
Okay, Ace – you got it. But first, explain to us What Bill Ayers Does or What Jeremiah Wright Does, that is so wrong. Go ahead you fucking little turd, because all you got is fucking decades old shit. Just remember that your beloved Boosh appointed a MAN PHOTOGRAPHED SHAKING HANDS WITH SADDAM HUSSEIN AS SECRETARY OF DEFENSE!!one1! So go ahead, explain why we should be so very mad about Ayers and Wright – let us know where the bar is.
Joe Max:
The SNL character Emily Litella is a perfect example of what you were talking about vis-a-vis the Fairness Doctrine. Radner’s character was parody, but not far from some loonies I remember hearing in the “opposing opinion” segments of news programs.
Dragon-King ate his wheaties this morn. Good on you.
I’d like to see Ace and Jonah in a tag-team cage match with Winehouse and Liz Phair.
“Emily, it’s BARACK OBAMA. Not ‘barking llama'”
“Oh, that’s very different. Never mind.”
A teacher in Hungary stripped to her underwear in front of a class of students
Some countries have all the luck.
*cues up Van Halen*
OT – I thought they were going to call it Operation Leper – I guess they realized how offensively stupid that was since even Megan McArdle recognizes it and your not one of those mean lefties. Anyways:
http://www.rebuildtheparty.com/ – Here’s the plan, copy Howard Dean.
Also note the “irony” from the “Afterword” – Conservatives claim to be “bottom up” with a healthy respect for the grassroots and the individual people that make up the party – but they act in completely opposite ways. Obama, however acts like he actually cares about his supporters, or at least about their money and volunteer time – but since he’s a crazed socialest Marxist Islamic Atheist thug elitist who’s black enough to want to fuck your sister and not black enough that she’ll enjoy it – he’ll clearly be governing in a totally opposite way. Why? Because shut up that’s why.
Oh, and one more note.
PENIS
even Megan McArdle recognizes it
Credit where credit is due:
“I can’t wait to see how Ace handles inauguration day.”
You did just elect a black guy who’s already had 2 assassination plots against him disrupted. In America, where there were 400+ domestic terrorism plots by far-right nutjobs since 9/11.
Is it really that hard to take the piss out of Ace without bringing the other guy into it ?
Credit where credit is due:
Perhaps this is the civilization that has been happen to important cows. Even in Washington D.C. Is no place safe for important cows to have been civilization all around the world?
Ace seems to be having a hard time getting his site visits up.
In Erickson’s defense, apparently a lot of conservatives are quite “bottom up”. Or perhaps he may have confused his backsides with his stomach as “belly up” is a very accurate definition for the current state of the GOP.
Semper Fudge, Ace.
Has anyone written some Motorhead parody lyrics about this genius yet?
http://www.helwan.edu.eg/english/president.htm
Five million hits for a guy who won’t let his punctuation touch his letters. When he starts blogging all other sites are doomed.
Try Sadly, No! brand posts! They’ve got 11 times the links of a normal traffic-generating, soon-forgotten post!
It is well known that conservatives are punished for crimes while liberals escape penalty.
Yes, that Ted Stevens sure is suffering mightily…
Ace looks like Fudgie the Whale with a Foot Long Sub in his cheeks.
What does Mr. Merle want?
I made the mistake of listening to NPR this morn on the way in to work. Discussion of the week’s politics, with the requisite calls for Obama to govern from the center and include Republicans in his administration (and I could SWEAR someone suggested he bring in McCain as well – yeah, right) but the best part was the discussion of Rahm Emanuel. Somebody commented on now Obama was relying on his old Chicago neighborhood (or words to that effect) and all I could think was “how long until we hear the comments from the Peanut Gallery about ‘Obama’s Posse’?”
In fairness, Pere, it’s already been used.
What does Mr. Merle want?
Good question Mr. McTrollerton but his and Kilo’s comments are surely the handiwork of wisdom for not one word of them do I understand.
What, Obama is corrupt and naive? Err, if you’re actively involved in the corruption that’s going on, doesn’t that pretty much by definition mean that you’re not naive?
I love how every politician from Chicago is suddenly a criminal. Didn’t Bush bring most of his people from Texas?
Good question Mr. McTrollerton but his and Kilo’s comments are surely the handiwork of wisdom for not one word of them do I understand.
Put your beer goggles on *hic*
They’re saying “Ralphsnargleglugflorgenurggggggggggg”
Accent on the “genurg” bit.
What, Obama is corrupt and naive? Err, if you’re actively involved in the corruption that’s going on, doesn’t that pretty much by definition mean that you’re not naive?
Considering these are the guys who still believe Ronald Reagan could be in the room where discussions about the Iran-Contra deal were going on, and still not be involved…
Yeah, they’re pretty much stupid enough to believe you can be both.
…his and Kilo’s comments are surely the handiwork of wisdom for not one word of them do I understand.
If Kilo’s wisdom came from a bottle, it wouldn’t be the first time I’d been scolded by a drunk for something I didn’t actually say.
Shit, it wouldn’t even be the first time this week.
There was a post at the Poorman Institute a while back in which several of us tried to show that liberals are funnier than conservatives even when joking about other liberals. One of my contributions was “how many Obamas does it take to change a lightbulb? None, the lightbulb is already the change it seeks.” Yeah, I know, no prize-winner but still WAY funnier than Ace’s.
I also said Obama’s so elitist he speaks Esperanto like a native, which apparently nobody else thought was as funny as I did.
I also said Obama’s so elitist he speaks Esperanto like a native, which apparently nobody else thought was as funny as I did.
I think it’s pretty goddam funny.
Aw, shucks. I bet you’re cute, too.
I bet you’re cute, too.
Some people say so. We’ll leave it at that. 😉
I also said Obama’s so elitist he speaks Esperanto like a native
Estas tie iom problemo kun Esperanto?
Looks like Mossad already owns Obama (he picked Rahm Emanuel, the son of a terrorist). Obama will probably let Mossad slide on their 9/11 involvement and Obama will continue their wars. So who won? Israel did, as always.
9/11 and Israel, link here:
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=309228910&blogID=441442669
That’s some nice hi-test crazy there, Evan B.
To be wholly fair, Ben Emanuel was and is a jackass, but Rahm by all indications gets his politics (esp. on Israel) from his far more moderate mother.
And why would Mossad have anything to do with 9/11? The current arrangement suited them just fine; outside of the people who have well and truly drank the international neoconservative kool-aid, every dog on the street in Israel understands that Bush’s reactionary fumbling in the Middle East has produced a set of political dangers for Israel that have not been matched since the 1960s, and a 9/11-like event during a Republican presidency could not go any other way.
If Mossad had known any more about the WTC plot than we (the American people, I mean, not necessarily the government) did, they’d have gone out of their way to stop it.
I’d somehow guess, without looking, that Evan B. is also a Truther.
After all, you’d need a shady bunch like the Mossad to sneak those mini-nukes and thermite bombs into the WTC towers and not have anyone notice.
Well, that’s different, because SHUT UP that’s why.