11. The Posting of Jeremiah Wright, Tony Rezko, and Louis Farrakhan to Cabinet-level positions.

FYT

PUMAlicious !!!

OK, but what about SHANIA Law?

That’s a wonderful, hilarious list. I don’t think you’re going to have to worry about buying ketchup for your hat. I do think the Obamessiah could have given us a week or two to rub it in the faces of the wingnuts,though. Damn liberal.

Here in Texas, Shania law has already been instituted, and every morning, instead of reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, we have to sing “Man, I Feel Like a Woman”. It’s a nightmare, I tell you.

If you’re looking for more, it’s probably safe to include “The Detroit Lions winning the Superbowl.”

There you go being reasonable again. That’ll never fly with the nutjob crowd.

Amazing the goalposts have been moved so far that a plain vanilla, centrist politician like Obama is regarded as a raging far-Left radical. Sheesh.

The taxation of earned income and/or capital gains at a rate within 25% of its peak during the Eisenhower administration

Tee hee. If those poor dumb bastards realized what the tax schedule was when Ike was running the show they’d have a hemorrhage.

I’m sure a tape would promptly be promised proving Ike actually had a negative tax rate for millionaires and that evile Democrats rewrote the history books.

What about the gay-married forced abortions? I want my gay-married abortion and I want it NOW.

OK, but what about SHANIA Law?

Or ShaNaNa Law. Or (my) Sharona Law.

5. The widespread arrest and imprisonment of conservative talk show hosts

Hey, you know, it’s not that big a hat, and might be decent with some ketchup.

12. Executive Order replacing Thanksgiving Turkey and cranberry sauce with arugula, hummus and bean curd.

Is the hat chocolaty? Because if the hat is chocolaty you might want to eat it anyway.

Remember when the republicans predicted that Bill Clinton’s “largest tax hike in history” was going to wreck the economy? Oh yeah, I forgot, it has, 16 years later.

12. Changing the national anthem to “Baby Got Back”

Pere Ubu — let me clarify that the hat-eating will take place only if the mass arrest of wingnut blowhards is the result of new legislation created by the Obama administration. I can’t be held accountable if they all go to jail for their already-existing crank habits, tax fraud, etc.

Way to keep movin’ them goalposts, Truth!

Hey troofy, would that be something like telling a briefer “OK, you’ve covered your ass now” after being warned that bin Laden was determined to strike the U.S.?

The Truth said,

To quote “Kentucky Fried Movie”- “Christ – did a cow just shit in here?”

I’ve been away from computers for the past two days so I haven’t been able to get to this yet, so I apologize if this has been covered.

Bookmark this, liberals, as this is exactly how it is going to go down.

In MLP’s spirit of kuumbaya I would like to say

FUCK YOU, YOU VISCOUS DOUCHE.

Thank you.

Pere Ubu — let me clarify that the hat-eating will take place only if the mass arrest of wingnut blowhards is the result of new legislation created by the Obama administration.

Glorious Leader Comrade Obama told us we’d all have to make sacrifices.

Tell you what – he passes a law like that and I’LL eat it for you. It’d be the least I could do for my country.

Fuck that, I want a gay polygamist marriage law, goddamnit.

Fred Barnes, publicly, c. 11/22/04:

For Republicans to slip into minority status again would take a monumental party split like that in 1912 or “a colossal increase in the pain level” of Americans as happened with the Great Depression. Neither is likely.

Fred Barnes, privately, c. 11/5/08:

Fuckity-fuck-fuck-FUCK!!

Who moved teh shrieking harpy‘s cheese?

Gosh, Truth, you sure are calling me out, there. But let me ask you this: what clothing item are you preparing to eat today because of your hugely self-assured and yet astonishingly inaccurate election prediction? Tell us exactly, because I’m sure we’re all wondering how the hell you were able to be so wrong.

I thought there would be riots if he lost?

Wow. Did I get lost trying to navigate the wacky world of wingnuts!?

Hey, Troofie?

Whatever happened to that grand trope of yours? You know, Obama woudl be weak on national security?

Oh look! You’re Johnny Onenote on a kazoo! Here you trot it out again, despite Obama’s pledge to never compromise our national security!

Like, sayyyyyyyy, Bush has.

Actor212 — the prediction was, basically, there will be riots if he won (Malkin, RedState, and Confederate Yankee, among others, arguing that, well, you know how those people are), but there would be mega-super-ultra-riots if he lost. For the wingnut, it’s win-win! Except for there was no rioting at all. But hey, some Africans ate a cow!

Actor212, histrionics aside, I think that approach is likely to be tested to by our enemies. I’m very concerned about that.

Right. Cause getting in their faces worked SOOOOOOOOOO well…*snort*

Face facts, Troofie…your side blew it, domestically AND internationally. You’ve not stemmed the tide of terrorist attacks, which only ratcheted up since 2002, right up to this year, and that’s even factoring out Iraq!

You. Failed! Now let the smart people take over, MmmmmmmmmmmmmmmK, Sheila?

14. Professor Griff appointed Ambassador to Israel.

Gee, since “The Truth” was 100% wrong about the election, I guess that means s/he/its status as purveyor of anything even resembling “the truth” is … kinda in the crapper?

I could be wrong.

Oh, and neener neener, asswipe.

Leonard,

Thank you. I guess the problem I have with wingnut mentality is my inability to comprehend how an out-of-hand victory celebration by very very drunk sports fans of (pick a championship team) could somehow get transferred to a far larger group of far more sober folks.

Or maybe the trouble isn’t mine, but in my assumption of “wingnut mentality”.

Í have to agree with PeeJ:

Will you add the mandatory gay weddings and mandatory gay abortions to the list of things that will never happen? Knowing the rightwingnutjobs interest in these, they are important matters.

Also, will you add a promise that “The ONE” will not sign a statement forcing all stars in the US flag to be changed into crescents?

And will you agree to eat your hat, if all the rightwing nutjobs admit they were totally wrong about the election, and the results of Obamas victory?

But let me ask you this: what clothing item are you preparing to eat today because of your hugely self-assured and yet astonishingly inaccurate election prediction?

I vote “underwear”, because I think he was so overwhelmed by the magnitude of the repudiation of the failed policies of his butt-buddies, that he shit himself clean thru to just passing Cheetos undigested.

Well I’m back, after spending all election night getting plastered and the day after on the couch with CNN’s semi-useless gadgetry showing just how thorough the asskicking was. Meant to hang out here yesterday, sure, but the server thingy and whatnot.

I came to believe at the last minute that The Truth was actually going to show up here and instead of conceding a well-deserved defeat, would instead crow about Jimmy Carter and how dumb Americans were or whatever. And sure enough, I was right.

Truth, congrats for being completely and hilariously wrong about the election. Wrong about the Bradley Effect, wrong about Rust Belt/Frozen North voters, wrong about the American people. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. WRONG. If Hugh Hewitt ever is in need of an intern, I suggest you throw out a resume. You’ve outlived your usefulness; do yourself and us a favor and just leave.

Hey guys, troofy only managed to get 6 states out of 6 wrong. That level or predictive accuracy is Cabinet-level genius (at least until Jan. 20). For example, in my prediction, I got Georgia wrong. And if North Carolina goes Obama then I’ll be wrong about that state too. And Missouri’s provisionals give it to Obama, then I’ll be off on my EV prediction of 375-163 by a grand total of zero. For that, I’m going to eat my hat a cookie.

I can’t say whether it has anything to do with the current topic of apparel eating but I can report, er, truthfully, that Troofie has been pestering me for the jockstrap I was wearing when I took ill with diarrhea after an especially heavy workout. Just fyi, y’know?

13. Dr. Helen “goes John Galt” – withdraws from society to set up some sort of libertarian commune in some backwoods nowhere land – lives off-the-grid and gets by on subsistence farming.

14. Larry Johnson or API release their infamous tapes.

15. Definitive proof of Obama’s Kenyan birth or Malcolm X ancestry is produced.

16. Re-introduction for “Fairness Doctrine” that applies to Talk Radio only.

17. The hat is made of bacon.

Where’s Gary? Still off crying somewhere? Hey, Gary! Come out come out wherever you are……

The Truth should take up your challenge.

And if none of those things come to pass, it’s time for him to toss up a hat salad.

“The Truth” blabbered on 10/28:

Here is how it will go down next week. First, the results from Virginia and North Carolina will come in, and they’ll be declared for McCain. You’ll be disappointed, but “no big deal, change can’t come overnight” will be your comment.

VIRGINIA: Obama 52% McCain 47%
NORTH CAROLINA: Obama 50% McCain 49%

Florida will go red, and a little nervousness will creep in.

FLORIDA: Obama 51% McCain 49%

The usual suspects will fall into the usual categories. As the night drags on, Ohio, Colorado, and (much to your horror) Pennsylvania will be too close to call.

OHIO: Obama 51% McCain 47%
COLORADO: Obama 53% McCain 46%
PENNSYLVANIA: Obama 55% McCain 44%

My advice at this point to you will be to go to bed. You will wake up to a McCain presidency and the Great Liberal Freakout will be on.

Bookmark this, liberals, as this is exactly how it is going to go down. You will be wonder how the hell I was able to call this.

Truth, Gary Ruppert called from 2006. He says there’s a fresh, new Dustbin of History waiting right beside him with your name on it.

(13) Any compromise with or show of weakness towards international terrorist organizations that leads to an attack on the mainland US

Good god man, Reagan is dead. Leave the man be. How was he supposed to know that arming and training all those “Freedom Fighters” was going to turn out like that? And running away from Lebanon? Show some respect. I’m sure he’s very sorry.

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE RANTOUL ILLINOS PRESS. TEH FUCHING FERRETS HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN THIER PROMISE TO GIVE JOHN MCCANE HIS BUCKWHEATS. THEY HAVE RENTED OUT THE TWO CHEEPEST MOTELS IN RANTOUL ILLINOS AND ARE GOING TO USE THEM AS A GUANTANAMERA CAMP FOR FACE GANAWING ON A MASSIVE SCALE. THEY ARE GOING TO CAPTEUR LINSEY GRAHAMCRAKCER AND GANAW HIS FACE OFF AND MAKE A MASK OUT OF IT. BECAUSE HE CAN NO LONGER SPEND CAMPAINE FUNDS ON EYELINER CINDY MCCANE IS FREAKING OUT AND HAS HIDDEN ALL 15 SETS OF CAR KEYS. JOHN MCCANE HAD TO BORROW JOE LEIBERMANS EL CAMINO. WHEN HE GETS IN TOMORROW TO GO TO DENNYS FOR A MOONS OVER MY HAMMY INSTEAD OF LINSEY GRAHAMCRACKER WAITING FOR HIM IT WILL BE TEH FUCHING FERRET IN A LINSEY MASK. TEH FUCHING FERRET WILL USE THE MOMANTERRY CONFUSIEN TO NOCK JOHN MCCANE UNCONSCIES WITH AN EMPTY LISTERINE BOTTLE AND THEN DRIVE HIM IN THE EL CAMINO TO THE GUANTANAMERA CAMP IN RANTOUL ILLINOS. LOCEL RESIDANTS FIRST BECAME SUSPICUES ABOUT TEH FUCHING FERRETS WHEN THEY HAD A REPORT OF A MAN CLAD ONLY IN STRIPED UNDERSHORTS RUNNING THREW THE STREETS OF RANTOUL SCREAMING GIBBERESH LIKE BADOODLE BOO YEAH. IT TURNS OUT TO HAVE BEEN COACH MEYER NEW URBANIST OF SADLY NO FAME. TEH FUCHING FERRETS HAVE CAPTOURED HIM AS WELL AS GARRY REUPART AND RUGHEAD IN MONTANNA AND MANY OTHER INTARWEBS SIGHTS PERSENALITYS AND ARE GOING TO SUBJECT THEM ALL TO FACE GANAWING AND SHISHKEBAB CONVERSION. THEY WERE ABLE TO LOCATE THEM ALL SO EFFECTIVELY BY DEISINGING A FAKE INTARWEB COUPON FOR 30 POUNDS BAGS OF CHEETOSE AND 55 GALLEN DRUMS OF MOUNTEN DEW FOR FIVE FOLLERS. THE RESPONSE WAS SO OVERWHELMING THAT TEH FUCHING FERRETS NOW KNOW THE LOCATIEN OF ALL THE HIGH PROFIEL CONSERVETIVE COMMENTERS AND PLAN TO KEEP THE GUANTANAMERA CAMP OPERATING FOR SOME TIME. TEH FUCHING FERRETS STILL WANT TO DISPENSE FACE GANAWING TO SARA AND TOD PALING BUT THEY USED MCCANE CAMPAINE FUNDS BOUGHT DIAMOND HOCKEY MASKS FROM NEIMEN MUCUS TO PROTECT THEMSELVES. TEH FUCHING FERRETS ARE PERSISTENT THUOGH AND NO ARMY OF ZOMBY MOOSE CAN STOP THEM.

Although stryx already posted the link here is what Troofie said if you are too lazy to click on that link –

“Here is how it will go down next week. First, the results from Virginia and North Carolina will come in, and they’ll be declared for McCain. You’ll be disappointed, but “no big deal, change can’t come overnight” will be your comment. Florida will go red, and a little nervousness will creep in. The usual suspects will fall into the usual categories. As the night drags on, Ohio, Colorado, and (much to your horror) Pennsylvania will be too close to call.”

And lest we forget , did RiM settle that little matter of 300 Dollars ?

Truth, congrats for being completely and hilariously wrong about the election. Wrong about the Bradley Effect, wrong about Rust Belt/Frozen North voters, wrong about the American people. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. WRONG.

Could the Truth be Bill Kristol? They do have the same track record.

(dances around Troofy, Snoopy-like)

Troofy is a loooooooser! Loooooooser! Loooooooooooooooooser!

Troofy’s accuracy rate for predictions: ZERO

Troofy’s favorite prezident? HATED BY EVERYONE

Troofy’s preferred candidate? SPANKED BY DEMOCRATS

Troofy’s preferred veep candidate? REVEALED AS A MORON ON FOX NEWS

Troofy is a loooooooser! Loooooooser! Loooooooooooooooooser!

Remember, kids: Hats go down easier with “W” brand ketchup. Not that moonbat Heinz 57 crap.

Obama the scofflaw could be out in a lot fewer than 1507 days if he isn’t careful.

So says “pythagoras” over at the Shrieking Harpy link posted by ITTDGY.

That sounds like a threat to me…shouldn’t we alert the secret service?

“Jennifer said,

That sounds like a threat to me…shouldn’t we alert the secret service?”

I think those people are under constant surveillance already. I would assume so, atleast with all the fuzz about domestic terrorists during campaigning.

And don´t be so hard on Truth, I´m sure he has a excellent excuse available to explain why the faulty predictions were not his fault. I´m sure he will explain where his logic went wrong and why his predicictions were off so much.

Her commenters are fucking hilarious.

Emperor Hussein the Naked (PBUH) will have been declared Maximum-Leader-For-Life of the New Amerikkkan Progressive Caliphate long before 1507 days are up.

Wow. Too bad he didn’t work in gay or Marxist. Also, I do believe he meant the New Amerikkkan Terror Cell of the Progressive Caliphate

Doesn’t Da Troof owe someone $300 now? I seem to recall a wager being made and accepted …

And don´t be so hard on Truth, I´m sure he has a excellent excuse available to explain why the faulty predictions were not his fault. I´m sure he will explain where his logic went wrong and why his predicictions were off so much.

ACORN. Them and the Black Panthers.

Aroo ! Aroo ! Breaking !! Sadly must credit Shrieking Harpie !!
Proof that Barack Hussein X will destroy America and Israel ! Some guy in Arab headgear voted in Michigan !! Muslim countries ( you know like Britain , France , Germany ) hail Obama win !

http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/atlas_shrugs/2008/11/president-hus-1.html

Stark raving mad . Long past gibbering stage and will become homicidal any moment .

It doesn’t matter that Truth was so astonishingly wrong about the election…cuz Barry = Jimmy Carter! Badoodle-boo-yeah, ding dong dilly and such, The Truth wins double infinity times!

> Badoodle-boo-yeah, ding dong dilly and such, The Truth wins double infinity times!

Speaking of that, how soon do you think CUM will come dripping back here?

Remember, Barack Obama was doomed from the start because everyone really, really hates his wife Michelle.

Malkin dissed the exit poll as totally inaccurate because it showed that people preferred Michelle over Cindy McCain as First Lady . Yes indeed , which sane person would prefer a well balanced Princeton graduate over a husband-stealing , charity-looting drug addict ?

“….That sounds like a threat to me…shouldn’t we alert the secret service?….”

“….I think those people are under constant surveillance already. I would assume so, at least with all the fuzz about domestic terrorists during campaigning….”

First, I think Obama is going to be okay. But second, we are still enduring the administration that said la-di-dah about “Bin Laden Determined To Strike In U.S.”. So it’s hard for me to assume anything. Department of Homeland Security whatever – are the agencies communicating any better now? I am asking because I don’t know. As Rachel would say, Talk Me Down.

Sorry, did someone say;

“It is not going to happen, liberals. Your echo chamber is reverberating now with your shouts of victory before you’ve won a single state. I almost feel badly for you, because when McCain wins, your astonishment will be overwhelming. I say “almost” because your ideology is nasty, anti-free speech, and absolutist, and every decent person will sigh in relief when it goes down to defeat once more.

Here is how it will go down next week. First, the results from Virginia and North Carolina will come in, and they’ll be declared for McCain. You’ll be disappointed, but “no big deal, change can’t come overnight” will be your comment. Florida will go red, and a little nervousness will creep in. The usual suspects will fall into the usual categories. As the night drags on, Ohio, Colorado, and (much to your horror) Pennsylvania will be too close to call.

My advice at this point to you will be to go to bed. You will wake up to a McCain presidency and the Great Liberal Freakout will be on.

Bookmark this, liberals, as this is exactly how it is going to go down. You will be wonder how the hell I was able to call this.”

Because as I recall, someone not too far away actually spent the entire day being immature, evasive, abusive and then finally just downright pathetic, as after building up for a “surprise” all day, “The Truth” then just thought we’d all be completely defeated by a comparison to Jimmy Carter. A man who, for all his Presidential failings, is now more liked than George W. Bush will ever be…

Weak to the capital SAUCE Truth. Seriously, you’ll do your mental health far more good if you try and actually gain the qualities you claim to have, rather than endlessly obsessively making a fool of yourself at a blog you hate, because venting your demons to your degree just makes them stronger you know… your hate is a parasite, eating you up from the inside, and soon there’ll be nothing left of you to save, just that vile gnawing worm that hollowed you out

Okay, so is this the schadenfreude troll-feeding and attention-paying thread? Can it all be confined to this one? Cuz it’s boring, and I want to preserve this wonderful Election Night afterglow for as long as possible.

Lonny Martello, that there is some high-test crazy. Much more entertaining than Twoofie’s limp liberal-baiting.

Mz Nicky,

It’s more of a Mexican Hat Dance on the roaches.

“But let me ask you this: what clothing item are you preparing to eat today because of your hugely self-assured and yet astonishingly inaccurate election prediction?”

Ooh, ooh…do I get a vote? ‘Cause I’d totally vote for Jonah Goldberg’s crusty boxers.

Hey…this voting thing could just catch on!

>The Truth” then just thought we’d all be completely defeated by a comparison to Jimmy Carter.

OMG, is THAT what the big “reveal” turned out to be? I waded through 560 comments looking for it. I mean, I saw that post, but …. seriously? That was what was supposed to make 53% of the population fall down, stricken with horror and regret at what they had wrought?

For serious?

Well, I for one am glad to see a reappearance of the Dustbin of History.

The classics, you know.

and, of course, Teh Buttocks. BUTTOCKS I SAY!!

boy that felt good.

Lonny Martello is a national treasure.

Actually, I will gladly eat the hat in exchange for the widespread imprisonment of conservatives talk show hosts.

13) Obama bans the King James Bible as hate-speech.
14) Mandatory daily reading of the Qu’ran.
15) ?????
16) PROFIT!
Am I doing it right?

Eh, the national service thing might actually happen. I mean, it’s mandatory in Israel. How better to show Obama loves Israel then to follow their policy lead?

Seriously, a year of service (Americorps or Peacecorps or whatever) would not be a bad thing.

Well, the Oblammo administration has already instituted psychosis-inducing chemtrails over the skies of major conservative strongholds. Plus, they’re planning on putting fluoride in the water!!!!!

what clothing item are you preparing to eat today because of your hugely self-assured and yet astonishingly inaccurate election prediction?
Werner Herzog eats his shoe.

Dear Moonbat Liberal Friend,

I accept your offer in the spirit of the bipartisanship and high jocularity in which it is tendered. I think your hat will be safe, as I have my doubts that President Obama and his Congressional minders compatriots will do any of those things.

But let us be positive. To make a bet that America will not be rendered in the manner of a Hieronymous Bosch painting is all well and good, but let’s consider goals worth of these historic times.

Therefore, I make the following counter-offer: If at the end of Obama’s presidency, any of the following things have happened:

1. The institution of a national health care system, which makes health care less, not more, difficult to get.

2. The raising of taxes and/or cutting of total federal government outlays in order to decrease the deficit and national debt, so that the latter is smaller in real dollar terms at the end of Obama’s tenure than it was at the beginning.

3. The capture of Osama Bin Laden (in the unlikely event that he is uncovered in the remaining months of the Bush Administration, we will call this one off).

4. A federal investigation in to alleges of multiple voting in this most recent election, and/or a serious federal reform of election laws or practices.

5. The construction of any new nuclear power plants down wind of a Greenpeace member or wind farms in the sight line of a beach frequented by anyone whose last name rhymes with Fennedy.

6. Any kind of appreciable decrease in the amount of oil we import from abroad.

Then you may send the hat to me, postage paid, and I will not eat it (wrong kind of fiber for my digestion, methinks), but I will put it on, with a note that says “I AM A RETARD” safety pinned over the oh-so-badass OBEY logo, and take a picture of myself. I will then send the hat (after being washed free of KKKonservative KKKooties) and the picture back to you.

If, on the other hand, none of those things will happen. You can keep the hat and take a similar picture and post it here at Sadly, No!

We’ll settle up in January 2013 or 2017, as the Great Game plays out.

You can’t fool me! That’s a chocolate hat, and the label thingy is icing. You risk nothing, except perhaps your svelte figure and an acne outbreak. Liberals, faugh!

8. The introduction of any kind of mandatory national service

Hmm, right here at http://change.gov/americaserves it sez:

Obama will call on citizens of all ages to serve America, by developing a plan to require 50 hours of community service in middle school and high school and 100 hours of community service in college every year.

Is that a trick, somehow disqualified, or do you need to get a-snackin?

(The wingers are going apeshit over this btw, e.g. Future WNOTW Tuccile )

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