Some things you can’t ignore

The Ozark Mountain Daredevil at Mahablog adopts a Thinker pose on the Amber Pawlik crust-‘n’-muck recipe, and insults New Jersey pizza.

Oh no you don’t, sir!

I lived in New Jersey for fifteen years, and in all that time found only one NJ establishment that could make decent pizza. This was a place in Mahwah I can’t remember the name of. And since I found that place toward the end of my stay in New Jersey, it’s possible my standards had been lowered.

Mahwah!? This is a town 900 million miles from civilization where people don’t even wear clothes, and walk on their hands saying ‘yes’ for ‘no,’ and have horns and tails!

If you ask them a straight question like, “Excuse me sir, do you know where the nearest gas station is?” They’ll answer, “Yes, I certainly do not. No gas station is not down any street, right there, and if you do not turn left, you definitely can miss it — blaaa! Woo hoo hoo!”

Would these people make good pizza? They’d make the wrongest pizza ever. It would be square, with Simpsons figures on it, made with mango chutney and Marmite, or some shit. They’d eat it from the crust inward, with orange juice.


What’s it called there, ‘Azzip?’ They make you a pie of ‘azzip’ with snausages and Batman figurines, with marzipan and cod liver oil, and blang! they throw it on your head? (Ha ha! The head is on your pizza! I am not laughing, ha ha!) Boy, this is good. It’s the best pizza I’ve had since I left the Ozarks.

A great evil is unleashed upon the land, and it is Mahablog. There are only so many things that are important in this world.

Many claim that evolution is only a ‘theory,’ as well, but it is the firm consensus of leading scientists that New Jersey pizza is ‘pizza,’ while other fake, nasty, evil attempts at pizza (e.g. ‘Chicago-style’) are the opposite.


Comments: 34


*Slaps Gavins face*

Get ahold of yourself!


It’s pizza! It’s a way of life.


Sorry, G, but I *am* partial to Uno’s…



You know, I seem to remember one of those places around here once, but I think they burned it down and carried the tarred and feathered staff off into the woods, and I guess we never saw them again.

It’s like a restaurant or something?

They’d better not come here again, or we’ll do to them what we did to Sbarro’s.


Sbarro’s I can agree with.


I forget exactly what happened to Sbarro’s. There are just so many pizza-related killings around here.

These two guys tried to open one of those ‘Chicago-style’ places a couple years ago, and they found their bones yesterday in the Meadowlands.

In all the papers, couldn’t’ve missed it.

But it was like, the perpetrator had carved, ‘fucken asshole,’ on every inch of the remains with an awl or other metal object. Spelled like that — ‘fucken asshole.’

You know, that Chicago-style is no good. Ask anyone.

verplanck colvin

I agree with the vehement pizza sentiment. It’s one of those things worth fighting for.

To top it all off, he wants his beer “ice cold”. My Irish/British beer sensibilities are fuming at that thought. Now I’m ready to go on a witchhunt, too! Grab ‘yer pitchforks!


New Jersey pizza is great! It’s the same kind as NY pizza, which is indisputably the best. Indisputably, I say, so you there, stop disputing it!About that “Uno’s” business, two points. One, OK, it’s not really pizza, but if you eat it here in Chicago, it’s good. At least it was the last time I checked before I went vegan. I tried it in some other place, probably Philadelphia, and it really stank. And, two, I mean this in the pleasantest, lowest-key way possible, but “Uno” is not a name that can take the possessive. It’s not “Uno’s.” There’s no person named “Uno” who is the proprietor of the pizza establishment. The full name is “Pizzeria Uno,” as in “#1 Pizzeria,” as opposed to “Pizzeria Due,” the second restaurant started by the same people, down the block from Uno. This principle, often disobeyed, is applicable to the names of many other businesses. Thank you for your time, and God Bless America.


New Jersey pizza is great! It’s the same kind as NY pizza, which is indisputably the best.

No, it’s different. The difference is that New York pizza is generally inferior and droopy unless you go to the far outer parts of Brooklyn. Whereas, real New Jersey pizza is the perfect food.

New Haven has a valid claim to the ‘best pizza’ title, but on the other hand, we can kick their ass. They’d better not come down here.

I’d nominate St. Mark’s Pizza as the best of the New York places, but their whole thing is massive amounts of cheese and toppings. The crust is still basically a big, flappy bread-thing.


I’ve always loved the pizza I had in NYC! And I grew up, partly, in NJ. To me, they are the same. Maybe that’s because I’ve had such different crap calling itself pizza that NJ and NY are on the same end of the spectrum. On the other end is the crackerish crust topped with a combo of mozzarella and cheddar that was St. Louis pizza c. 1979. {shudder}The salty, oily, chewy, stretchy wonder that is New York pizza is adequately represented in Jersey, to someone of my checkered geographic background.


I like Detroit style with the carmelized cheese crust. Damn fine pizza, that.

And the stuff I had in Europe.


And the stuff I had in Europe.

Yep. Real Italian Pizza rocks.


Hey Vespa, do you know anyone who knows anything about Saab repair?

I’m on a couple of great mailing lists, but am in the middle of a kind of grease-to-the-elbows repair job (typing with paper towels on the hands), and racing the clock.

Just a longshot. It’s a 1978 99T, trying to decide how to get at the coolant hoses.


Vespa can be ignored from now on. Detroit pizza (i.e., Buddy’s, Hungry Howies, Little Ceasar’s, etc.) makes the baby Jesus cry. If you want a hot dog with chili, onions, and mustard, go to Detroit. If you want pizza, turn left at Toledo and don’t stop until you hit the East River.


Actually, I had Detroit pizza at Tomasos in Iowa. It’s good. I swear. I live in Colorado so I KNOW bad pizza.

As per SAAB repair- I have a mechanic in Boulder at East of Sweden who takes good care of me and Servo. But as for older models, I’d go to and have a look at the message boards. They are very helpful and enthusiastic.


Not for nothin but some of the best pizza anywhere can be had at Eli’s in Attleboro MA. I swear to God that stuff is pure delight.* Fuck chain pizza; it’s never good no matter where you live.

*swearing to God dependent upon Eli’s having not changed hands and the cook not having died or quit in the past six years which is the last time I ate there.


Saabnet bans whole swaths of ISPs for weird reasons, and I’m in a blackout zone. Otherwise yeah, the message boards there used to be top-notch when I could see ’em….


That’s weird. Well, if you were willing to make a long distance phone call, you should give Mary a ring at East of Sweden, she might be able to help you out . . .


I’ve got a shop here and a bunch of mailing-list resources, but sometimes you just need a 2-minute consultation and nobody’s handy.

After the smack-assault earlier, I was like, Wah? Oh, she’s into Saabs, it’s okay.


The finest cars ever to drain a bank account . . .


You speak the truth!

I had an old 900 for years, did the repair work myself, and thought the 99T would be the same except smaller and lighter. Turns out you have to scare up parts from junkyards in Sweden.


“Inferior and droopy”? Sir, I demand you apologize for this slander!

NY pizza is the one true pizza. Jersey pizza is an acceptable substitute within a certain radius around NYC. Y’know, like bagels.


Fun fact- the 99 was used by the police and ski patrol in Aspen during the 70s, since they were front wheel drive and worked well in snow.


Also Swedish police cars! That’s supposed to be why the turbo was put in — to chase villains!

Do you have a 900 convertible?


Vivek, you’re right: I should have been more informative and said that I was from, and was talking about, Northern NJ, close to NYC. That might make all the difference.


Lucy: Oh yes. After all, southern Jersey may as well be Philly. And you don’t want to eat pizza from Philly. Yuck…


Yep, a 1996 900S softop. It’s post GM so there are purists who would say it’s not a real Saab, but its heart (and its ignition) are in the right place.


I think the Saab community has gotten a lot more welcoming of the newer 900s now that GM is making Saabs out of Subarus.

There are still purists who claim that it’s ‘not a real Saab’ unless it has a 45hp lawnmower engine, but that’s just nuts.


Hey, Kevin Hayden is making fun of us.


Yeah, I’m no fan of the Saabaru. At least my car is still recognizably a Saab . . .


the firm consensus of leading scientists that New Jersey pizza is ‘pizza,’ while other fake, nasty, evil attempts at pizza (e.g. ‘Chicago-style’) are the opposite.Surely you jest, Jersey boy.


I certainly agree that Sbarro’s is disgusting beyond belief. A few years ago, a suicide bomber blew himself up at one in Israel. If any pizzeria ever warranted such treatment, Sbarro’s is it.

The Dark Avenger

Lucy, I take it you’ve never had Talayna’s pizza in St. Louis? It’s great stuff, the deep dish would be a 45 minute wait. The place was(hopefully still is) filled with stained glass from an old Lutheran church, AFAICR.


I’m a native Brooklynite, straight outta Coney Island, transplanted to Philadelphia with no hope for decent pizza. Amazingly, I found it at a *chain*. Before completely dismissing Philly pizza, try Bravo’s. It is *not* Famous Ray’s (its eggplant parm pizza is my personal favorite), but it’s at least adequate if you find yourself down here.


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