“Little Noah” and Other Gay Christian Children’s Videos
Via AgapePress, we learn about the Little Leaders Bible Series, a new set of DVDs parents can use to educate their children about the Bible:
A new DVD series is introducing the youngest children to the Bible. Little Leaders founder Brad Silvius says parents can find numerous DVDs catering to kids age in the infant to toddler range, but his company offers the only truly Bible-based developmental product for this age group currently on the market.
The Little Leaders Company produces DVDs that tell Bible stories for children from age 0 to 3, using colorful puppets, music, interactive activities, and computer animation. These entertaining features are implemented in creative ways, Silvius explains, to teach children “something about the real world around them.”
“So it’s like the Teletubbies, but with more Bible and less overt gayness,” you say.
Well, sorta. Let’s take a look at the preview for Little Noah, the first DVD in the series:
Little Noah DVD allows your little one to experience the true story of Noah as told in the Bible.
What, does it simulate drowning?
Unlike other products on the market, Little Noah stays true to the Biblical account of Noah and his family as their love for God calls them to build a huge boat, The Ark.
“Unlike all those other lame-ass Bible videos, Little Noah tells us how Satan used dinosaurs to attack the ark right before the flood!”
As the animals are gathered into The Ark, your child will be exposed to the wonder of God’s creation through the vast diversity in the animal kingdom including tigers, elephants, bears, kangaroos and more!
I love how they only show the cute, fuzzy animals that Noah brought aboard the Ark. If the DVD were honest, it’d show Noah fending off giant tarantulas and boa constrictors.
Tibo Tiger and JoJo Giraffe guide us through the story as Noah’s family and the animals navigate the great sea filled with a captivating diversity of aquatic creatures.
“But just because the creatures were ‘diverse,’ that doesn’t mean any of them were gay, so don’t get any funny ideas.”
The faith of Noah and his family are eventually fulfilled with God’s promise: The Rainbow.
“As we all know, homosexuals have recently co-opted The Rainbow for their Satanic purposes, the same way they co-opted the words ‘gay,’ ‘queen’ and ‘sodomy.'”
Little Noah contains over 30 minutes of stimulating sights and sounds, featuring original musical mixes and traditional Bible songs sung by The Little Leaders Choir including “My God is So Big!…”
Uuuuuh…
“He’s Got the Whole World,” and “The B-I-B-L-E.” Bright and colorful animations help illustrate this wonderful story of obedience and courage.
“You child will delight as he watches humanity drown!”
Anyway, the website also describes “Little Noah” as “a fun, stimulating exposure to animals from all over the world,” which leads me to believe that it was produced by Neal Horsley.
Let me know when they get to Little Jonah and the whale. I want to see how they pull that one off.
Guess you just can’t begin brainwashing too early
Just wait until they get to Revelations. That’ll be priceless.
“What, does it simulate drowning?”
No, but if it’s following the whole story of Noah and his family, then it’s got to be awkward when at the end, Little Noah gets drunk as shit on wine and passes out naked and his sons see him and get punished for not covering him up.
This also looks like a ripoff of Baby Einstein.
I hope that they let the child see all the tigers, bears, kangaroos, dogs, cats and such that didn’t make the cut and were drowned for no reason except that God was pissed at the human race.
Oh, well. Get ’em while they’re young, especially when they’re too young to ask embarassing questions like, “How can a boat hold two of every animal on the planet?”, “Wouldn’t the carnivores have killed all the other animals?”, and my own favorite “Where are the ruins of the pre-flood world?”
Little Noah contains over 30 minutes of stimulating sights and sounds, featuring original musical mixes and traditional Bible songs sung by The Little Leaders Choir including “My God is So Big!…”
Wasn’t that song originally a prayer in the Meaning of Life?
“O Lord, ooh, You are so big, so absolutely huge. Gosh, we’re all really impressed down here, I can tell You.”
Heh heh. ‘Little Job.’
Nah, the one I am waiting for is “Little Lot at Sodom.” Indeed.
Oh, well. Get ’em while they’re young, especially when they’re too young to ask embarassing questions like, “How can a boat hold two of every animal on the planet?”, “Wouldn’t the carnivores have killed all the other animals?”, and my own favorite “Where are the ruins of the pre-flood world?”
Once, in Sunday School, I asked a question along the lines of “Why did Noah have to bother with collecting all those animals in the first place? If God made the world and the animals and everything once, why couldn’t he just do it again after the flood?”
That was, IIRC, the last Sunday School class I was required to attend . . .
Spencer: I think even most fundamentalists would be uncomfortable with the idea of a God who, when dissatisfied with his creation, clears the board and starts all over again. “Well, dammit, I’m going to get it *right* this time…”
It does make more sense than what’s in the Bible, which just implies that God was having a *really* bad day and felt sorry for the whole ‘destroying the world’ thing afterwards.
Such high quality graphics too. I wonder if the were created using one of these kits?
EVERYBODY SING: “Jesus drowned the little children/All the children of the world/Watch their little corpses float/Bumping into Noah’s boat/Jesus drowned the little children of the world…”
Bill, you didn’t get that one from Veggie Tales, did you?
Oh God, you are so perfect, so spectacularrr in every way
You bring light into my life, God. You almost make me forget all about…
Tacos! Oh, tacos, so good in my tummy yummy yummy give me more.
I love you, God. You almost make me forget about…
Tacos.
Edmund! How ya been, amigo? 🙂
That was a much better song than mine, Edmund. MMM…tacos. Hard shell or soft? (I prefer soft-shell myself.)
Met a girl who finally taught me how to aggregate blogs.
How neat that every last bloody one of the dinosaurs that ever lived in the geologic timescale simultaneously attacked Noah. One wonders why Satan hadn’t thought of that, you know, a little sooner.
Ah, yes, Clif, the story of Sodom. In which God told Abraham (or Abram; I guess the Lord added the HA to it), that for 50 people he would spare the city. So Abe hopped on his camel, headed straight to the Sodom Nursery School, where he easily found 50 people worth saving, and God said, “Well, that was easy.” THE END.
(Well, that’s how it shoulda gone, if the writers had wanted the story to make any sense.) The “kid friendly” version of the story that you linked to leaves out the part about Lot offering his children to a mob to be raped (to protect a pair of supernatural beings capable of inducing blindness) and the part where he gets drunk and fucks them himself.
EDMUNDO–
I believe in God because of things like tacos. I thank God every day for tacos al pastor and the limes to squeeze on them and all good things. You can love both God and tacos.
Hmmm…the rainbow…did refraction of light not exist until after Noah and the flood?
Satan riding a T-Rex? That’s one of the coolest things ever.
It sort of reminds me of that episode of Venture Brothers where Brock is in a machine that makes his dreams come true, and one of them is that he has to fight an army of polar bears riding motorcycles with machine gun wielding frogmen riding in the sidecars. And the army is led by this cowboy riding on a T-Rex. And the cowboy has a flamethrower.
Man that was a kickass show.
Anyway, Jonah would actually be a pretty good story for the little ones, because although Jonah getting eaten by a whale is kind of scary, at the end of the story everybody admits that they were bad and god forgives them. It’s one of the few Old Testament stories that doesn’t involve rape or incest or nudity or children being killed by bears.
What a whacked narrative the bible is.
The only reason fundies like it is either (a) they haven’t read it or (b) they weren’t paying attention when they did. I speak as the teacher of many Bible as Lit classes. I love it when we get to these bits — Lot, or Noah cursing his son, or that interesting weird bit in Exodus 4 where who did what at the Inn, or that part in Kings where the bears eat the toddlers — and the fundies in the class are all wrinkling up their foreheads and saying, “What, now?”
Hey, I like to say: I just teach it. It’s your text.
I’m just wondering about all those other products with the story of Noah that’s NOT taken from the Biblical account.
Is someone making videos for kids about Noah based on something OTHER than the Bible? Like maybe the Flinstones’ version? That would be cool.
… I just hope they follow up Little Noah with Little Isaac … you know – the one where God TESTS Isaac’s Dad, Abraham, to see if he reeeeeelly loves him by asking him to take Isaac ’round back and slit his throat! (of course, God pulled a “hey, I was only kidding!” at the last moment) … I think that’d be a great lesson for the little tykes …
… then, they could create a whole “Best of God’s Punk’d Series” if they could tell the story of how God and the Devil had a bet that Job would remain faithful even after all his family is killed, he goes bankrupt and gets the equivalent of really bad shingles … all for a frickin’ bet …
Actually, if I’m not mistaken, Noah didn’t curse his son, he cursed his son’s children. Which makes him an even bigger asshole.
Oops, yeah, my bad. Though there’s some dispute about what’s actually going on in that passage — who’s getting cursed and why — the text does say it’s the grandson, for something (who knows what, exactly) the son has done.
Whacked, as I said.
Though, you know, the comix version above might clear it up. Maybe Lil’Ham was spose to be getting the Triceratops on board, and screwed up, huh? And that’s what Noah’s so pissed (heh, no pun intended there) over?
Don’t you morons have anything better to do than make fun of a kids video? We made our choices, let them make theirs!! Are your lives so shallow and meaningless that you have nothing better to do than this? Let’s talk about really interesting things instead of giving them GREAT publicity. Grow up!!!! Oh, and remember, since you all are so knowledgible in scripture, that God also killed those people who made fun of Him too.
“Watch the wonderment in your child’s eyes as kittens, puppies and babies struggle to take their last breath”. Aaah….the bible- such lovely stories. Maybe they’ll do one on Deuteronomy.
They should do Little Jesus and the Great Big Cross, where fundy parents take their small children to the theaters so they can watch Jesus suffer for 2 hours.
OH WAIT… it’s been done.
It is sad that people would use wierd, funky videos to teach bible stories without having an real point besides “that’s what we should do”. if you care about your kids why don’t you teach them? show them? discuss with them? I don’t know but young Jewish children were memorizing the penteteuch by age 10… i bet they understood the stories better and maybe, after talking with their parents enough, understood the implications.
It is sad that people would use wierd, funky videos to teach bible stories without having an real point besides “that’s what we should do”. if you care about your kids why don’t you teach them? show them? discuss with them? I don’t know but young Jewish children were memorizing the penteteuch by age 10… i bet they understood the stories better and maybe, after talking with their parents enough, understood the implications.
I’m so looking forward to the time the Bible-haters tell their kids the truth: “Well, kiddies, we all came from a lucky accident, so there’s no point to anything, really. Do whatever you like; we’re all just a bunch of atoms, anyway. Oh, by the way, boys and girls, did you know that grown up men push their penises deep into another’s anus – usually still dirty with poo – and they call it love? Then they suck on that same shit covered penis! But that’s okay, ‘cos they’re not hurting anyone… except if they’re bisexual and married and they go home and stick the same penis into their wives…”