Stop Hillary, Or WorldNetDaily Gets It!
Joseph Farah, chairman and CEO of wingnut media empire WorldNetDaily, is unhappy with a recent Gallup poll that shows a majority of Americans would vote for Hillary Clinton in the 2008 presidential election.
Well, “unhappy” isn’t really the right word. More like “unhinged” and “completely fuckshit insane.” Let’s take a look:
If the latest polls are to be believed, Hillary Rodham Clinton is the leading candidate to become the next president of the United States.
And you know what that means: it’s time to stop her by making shit up.
For those of us who have real-life experience dealing with the crimes of the Clinton administration, it’s a scary thought.
It’s been seven long years, and Joe still can’t get that big white stain out of his dress…
George Bush may be an inept leader with a thoroughly confused sense of priorities…
Y’think?
…but it has been five years since I have felt personally threatened by the criminal actions of the White House.
Yes, when the Clinton Administration discovered that Joseph Farah and his award-winning reporters (the same people who blew the lid off the Saddam Hussein-Satan connection, mind you) were writing nasty stories about Bill and Hillary, they tried to shut them down… permanently.
And if you don’t believe me, ask the editors of the Weekly World News about the threatening phone calls they got from the White House after breaking the story of Clinton’s steamy affair with the Sasquatch Hooker.
I do not want to go back, and I am certain other victims of the Clintons’ abuse of power feel the same way.
Yeah, but Monica got hired as a Jenny Craig spokesperson afterward, so it wasn’t all bad…
But most Americans are detached from that reign of terror.
The economic boom, the balanced budgets, not being at war, not having the world hate us… yes, thank God those dark times are over… (OK, in all seriousness, I am glad that N’Sync aren’t around anymore…)
They didn’t have their homes and offices broken into by goons of the most powerful couple in the world.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie?
They didn’t experience tax audits directed by the White House against political enemies. They weren’t sexually harassed by the president while the first lady demeaned them as bimbos. They didn’t have their church overrun by armed federal agents and watch their own children consumed in a raging inferno.
Above: Joseph Farah, the last member of the al-Koresh Martyrs’ Brigade.
They didn’t see their lives directly affected when the executive branch of government grabbed power through the use of executive orders, intentionally subverting the powers of Congress and the people.
I could go on and on.
And he does. Trust me.
The Clinton years represented a reign of terror for some of us.
“Especially those of us who take large doses of olanzapine.”
And make no mistake about it: Hillary was not some innocent bystander when all this was happening. She was an integral part of the ruling junta. She may very well have been the brains behind the operation.
Yes, Hillary was the brains, Janet Reno was the muscle, and Bill… well, we all know what body part Bill was…
According to a new book by attorney Candice Jackson, “Their Lives: The Women Targeted by the Clinton Machine,” Hillary had a major role in threatening and intimidating women who accused her husband of sexual abuse.
Because we all know how well most wives react to women who fuck their husbands.
“She was right there in the inner circle taking a lead in giving these women zero credibility, in attacking them in the public and through the press and in participating in all of these scare tactics, like hiring private investigators to threaten them and follow them,” she says.
What kind of a “feminist” watches her husband, the most powerful man in the world, prey on women ? even viciously rape them ? and victimize those women again with smear tactics and harassment? Hillary Rodham Clinton.
That bitch. Why can’t she be like that nice woman Ann Coulter?
Oh yeah, because Ann’s not a woman. Never mind.
It would be enough of an indictment if Hillary were not a participant in the crimes of her husband, but just a silent observer. That is not the case. From the earliest days of the Rose Law Firm in Arkansas, it was Hillary who was positioning her husband and laying the foundation for a power grab.
That’s because she knew that if he wasn’t grabbing power, he’d be grabbing “something else.”
The crimes and cover-ups of the Clintons are almost too numerous to chronicle in any one place ? Cattlegate, Whitewater, Travelgate, the cover-ups of the deaths of Ron Brown and Vincent Foster…
Ah, Vince Foster! The scandal that went so deep, even Ken Starr was involved!
…abuse of the Internal Revenue Service, Troopergate, the way they ignored the growing threat of Islamo-fascist terrorism to focus law enforcement on the bogus threat of the religious right, Pardongate, the way they sold national security secrets for campaign cash.
“And if you don’t know about all these scandals, you can learn more by pulling them back out of Rush Limbaugh’s ass.”
It’s not about illicit sex in the Oval Office with interns. That’s what they would like you to believe.
Who, the interns? I kinda thought they’d want to forget about it…
They would like you to believe Hillary was as much a victim as Juanita Broaddrick, the woman raped by Bill Clinton.
And Joe would like you to believe he’s kicked his drug habit.
The truth is Hillary enabled him and Hillary actively participated in the victimization of anyone who got in their way.
It may be too late to hold Bill Clinton accountable for his crimes. But it’s not too late to stop Hillary from perpetrating more on the American people.
“With Clinton back in the White House, no blue dress or bathroom sink will be safe… you have been warned.”
“But most Americans are detached from that reign of terror.”
The economic boom, the balanced budgets, not being at war, not having the world hate us… yes, thank God those dark times are over…
For some reason that made me think of The Onion’s headline about Bush: “Our National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Over”
For some reason that made me think of The Onion’s headline about Bush: “Our National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Over”
How bloody prophetic was that?
He forgot about the pot-smoking!!!! Bill smoked pot once and Hillary probably lit the joint!!! Burn her!!!!!
I had that Onion article outside my office door at work for three years. Over time, it simply became truer and truer, to the point where it was no longer satire but simply accurate reporting.
I don’t remember Cattlegate. Isn’t that the route the cows use to come home?
BTW, I’m EXTREMELY tired of the addition of “-gate” as shorthand for “scandal”. So, who can I smack around regarding this matter? I’m hoping to turn this into a career.
Nixon.
Is Farah still giving out mustache rides?
Is Farah still giving out mustache rides?
Nope. Clinton put out an executive order to stop them.
Nixon? Not good enough. He and his merry band of criminals may have started it with the Watergate break-in, but they aren’t responsible for the complete lack of creativity evidenced by every bonehead headline writer or newscast flunky who tacks the “gate” suffix onto every little weewee pulling episode that pops up in local or national politics. The sad, stupid practice continues even today.
Besides, I don’t want to touch RMN’s icky dessicated flesh.
Farah really needs to stop stealing Pastor Swank’s stash. That’s some crazy shit, and few men can combat the ganja-demons within.
It might be a Pastor-Swank Stashgate!
Gavin Smackgate! No, you get an exemption.
Count the convictions in every administration from Nixon on. Clinton might have been the cleanest, which is durn good for the most investigated man in history.
Thorlac, you don’t have Dick Nixon to smack around anymore.
I’m sorry, I had to make that joke.
I guess it isn’t Nixon’s fault that the hotel was named Watergate. I think the -gate suffix got out of hand when the media and talk show hosts opposed to Clinton started saying a bunch of words ending in -gate to imply that all Clinton did was participate in scandals.
It’s fantastically obvious that all the attempts at labeling things with -gate are transparent attempts to wreak revenge for the “wronging” of Nixon. Joe Conason, to name one, had a good column about this.
And speaking of Salon, here’s an article on Bush’s 34 scandals.
Not bad. But for more subtlety and veracity I prefer “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion.”
Thorlac wrote I don’t remember Cattlegate.
There actually was something behind that one. Back in the late 70s, Hillary did some trading in cattle futures and made a ton of money (over $100,00 in less than two years). There were some irregularities involved. It boiled down to somebody else taking the risk and Hillary taking the profits. It faded away because there was no proof that the Clintons had committed any crimes, Bill wasn’t involved, and they had juicier imaginary scandals to chase. But it certainly looked to me like an attempt by the trader to buy influence and Hillary’s willingness to take the money without asking obvious questions doesn’t sit well with me. (“My investment yielded 600% profit in a day? Sounds reasonable.”) It’s not as blatant as the financial bailouts of Bush’s failed businesses, but it’s pretty unsavory.
The reason Cattlegate never gained traction is that this is the way many “insiders” start thier wealth accumilation. one shot, and build a nest egg to grow legitimatly over time. At the time there was talk about how daschle had done it, too. Then silence as the press realized that any politician that started out less than “rich by living off interest” had done a similar thing.
If Clinton was such a bad-ass dictator, why did he peacefully give up his power to Bush? Heck, with the election problems he could have taken power. Worse dictator ever.
Thorlac: I’m EXTREMELY tired of the addition of “-gate” as shorthand for “scandal”.
Ah yes, perhaps the greatest scandal of our time. I like to call it “Punditgate”…