The Screwtape Letters: Screwtape Proposes a Toast

Ding-dong. Who’s there? Oh my, it’s “Korir” of African Press International, come to explain why he hasn’t released the Michelle Obama ‘White Racists’ tape:

Democrat: Obama’s grandma confirms Kenyan birth
‘This has been a real sham he’s pulled off for the last 20 months’

Philip J. Berg

Oh hell, wrong story again. No, this is a third apocryphal Obama-related tape, this time allegedly of Obama’s grandmother saying that the infant Barack was born in Kenya. The alleged possessor of this game-changing tape is Philip Berg (now also a minor patsy in the multiple-shark-jumping African Press International saga), and the bamboozling here begins with the word ‘Democrat’ — which is, as you’ll notice, preceded by no other word in the article.

In brief, and not to offend anyone who may be wandering by from our sister site: Along with its historically dominant meaning of ‘Democrat,’ the term now provides cover for literally dozens or even hundreds of rageoholic Hillary cultists who, if not for historical accident, would be glaring scornfully at each other across the sociopolitical chasm that normally divides humorless Maeve Binchy-reading, Annie Sez-oufitted women of a notionally liberal Dolores Umbridge variety (sturdily shod, unencumbered by progeny, smelling of lavender and cat pee) from humorless crypto-LaRouchie neo-Birchers with an ear or nose hair problem and a dues-paying history in MUFON, FUFOR, CUFOS, NUFORC, or another such committee of correspondence. Also attracted to this coalition have been Democrats who don’t like black people, although of course no one answers openly to that description.

Berg, as well as being a litigious 9/11 truther fighting a war of survival against ear hair, seems to have a peculiar animus against Barack Obama that’s difficult to pin down or explain, and that he himself dismisses by mentioning that he’s a “paid-up lifetime member of the NAACP.” We merely note that these credentials are for sale on the Internet, and that the online sign-up form does not ask applicants to say one way or another whether they approve of black people.

For our part, we are paid-up lifetime members of the NWACP. It’s like the NAACP except with attitude.

As you can imagine, paying your dues is… Oh, never mind, this joke has no exit strategy.

The Pennsylvania Democrat who has sued Sen. Barack Obama demanding he prove his American citizenship – and therefore qualification to run for president – has confirmed he has a recording of a telephone call from the senator’s paternal grandmother confirming his birth in Kenya.

The issue of Obama’s birthplace, which he states is Honolulu in 1961, has been raised enough times that his campaign website has posted an image purporting to be of his “Certification of Live Birth” from Hawaii.

But Philip J. Berg, a former deputy attorney general for Pennsylvania, told the Michael Savage talk radio program tonight that the document is forged and that he has a tape recording he will soon release.

“This has been a real sham he’s pulled off for the last 20 months,” Berg told Savage. “I’ll release it [the tape] in a day or two, affidavits from her talking to a certain person. I heard the tape. She was speaking [to someone] here in the United States.”

This could be the last, best hope for truth to prevail before Obama, who is on a last-minute, quote-unquote “unscheduled” trip to Hawaii, scrubs the records and kills his grandmother.

So, a day or two, huh? Before the tapes are released? That seems agreeable.

 

Comments: 69

 
 
 

Not to don the tinfoil chapeau but it seems to me that everything in the wingnut bag of tricks at this point is meant to support an Obama win and the resulting discontent and arguing after the election. There’s no effort here to affect the election itself. Rather, the idea is to poison the well of elections in general and Obama specifically. Inflame the most extreme wingtards so that on November 5th, there’s a whole gang of keyed up and ready to go thugs to do what needs to be done.

 
 

Has anyone else noticed that No Quarter has gone dark?

Their site has been down for at least 24 hours, maybe longer.

Is it possible for a group of people to simultaneously die of humiliation and loss of credibility?

Or did they go the way of the Heaven’s Gate cult, with Larry Johnson chopping off his own member before committing suicide?

 
 

Look for the make-up artist, the money left-over from the wardrobe purchases, and a pathetic loser girl. Anybody else get the sense her “bruises” were gone by the time she left the police station?
And the McCain campaign jumped the gun just a little in screaming “Run, scary black man!”

 
 

Not to don the tinfoil chapeau but it seems to me that everything in the wingnut bag of tricks at this point is meant to support an Obama win and the resulting discontent and arguing after the election.

I’ve been thinking the same sort of thing. The level of batshittery is just unbelievable lately, with sites that were founded on a project of ‘citizen journalists’ fact-checking the ‘liberal media’ reinventing themselves unannounced as utterly standard-free gossip and smear sheets.

I mean, I’m reluctant to predict such a thing, because predictions are cheap, but my hypothesis lately has been that the Republicans are going to aim for a stalemate, a deadlocked election that can be thrown to the courts.

 
 

I so, so hope this API dude turns out to be a scam artist joking with the lunatic right wing who gets some schnooks to fly to Abuja or something only to have no one there have any idea what they’re talking about or with whom they intend to meet.

 
 

The image of Obama standing over his grandmother, snapping on his black leather gloves and saying “Now there’s just one loose end left to tie up…” is kind of hilarious, in a grand guignol sort of way.

Or rather, the fact that there are people who think this would literally happen is hilarious. And horrifying.

 
 

Has anyone else noticed that No Quarter has gone dark?

Astroturff doesn’t last long.

 
 

“Now there’s just one loose end left to tie up…”

Needs an “uh” or two in there.

 
pronounced throatwarblermangrove
 

Obama’s Kenyan grandmother was calling someone in Billville, possibly named Bill. She (Obama’s Kenyan grandmother) also mentioned what a sweet deal of a subprime mortgage that she intimidated some feckless liberal bank employee into giving her. Obama’s Kenyan grandmother also mentioned calling in some favor (unknown) from Colin Powell. Obama’s Kenyan grandmother also mentioned several names on a list of College Republicans, for reasons not known to the listener.

 
 

The Rap Group NWA originally called themselves NAACPs With Attitude

 
 

Monday’s Corner should be a cyclone of lunacy.

 
 

O solo mio…

Hey, what’s this?

 
 

Republicans are going to aim for a stalemate, a deadlocked election that can be thrown to the courts.

I don’t think they are that optimistic about the result. I think they are just flailing. And I do not think this is deliberate (in general) but the consequence of their flailing is going to be much closer to what iceweasel says: “Inflame the most extreme wingtards so that on November 5th, there’s a whole gang of keyed up and ready to go thugs to do what needs to be done.”

I’m actually even more worried about general violence, aimed at ordinary people, than I am about assassination of the President. Sore losers with guns — not a wonderful prospect. Especially in the midst of a depression.

On the other hand, if we get past the paroxysm of rage, there could actually be improvements in this country.

 
 

I sense a yearning for a more simple time, one of new world orders and black helicopters and blown up federal buildings. I think they’ll go that route.

 
 

I love that Dan Riehl says that, ironically, he’s gotten “extreme criticism” for his “Obama is going to murder his grandmother” post from the “Laura killed her high school sweetheart, Cheney shot his friend” left. That’s a damn good point — in fact, it’s a near-perfect analogy, except for that Obama didn’t murder his grandmother, while Laura did kill her high school sweetheart and Cheney did shoot his friend.

 
 

Liberals mentioning true bad things about Republicans is EXACTLY the same thing as conservatives making up fake bad things about Democrats.

I believe I’m hearing this correctly.

 
Trilateral Chairman
 

Rather, the idea is to poison the well of elections in general and Obama specifically. Inflame the most extreme wingtards so that on November 5th, there’s a whole gang of keyed up and ready to go thugs to do what needs to be done.

Yep. Steyn and others are going after the whole electoral-fraud idea; they’re claiming that a significant number of donations to Obama were illegal, and therefore who knows what could have happened had he followed the law? They saw that the whole “Bush/Rove stole it” thing unified our side, and now they’re trying their own variant. It’s not a stupid strategy, either, because once you convince people that a President is illegitimate, you effectively empower them to commit all sorts of chicanery.

I wish Obama’s campaign WOULD scrutinize and release their donor lists just to put this to rest; I’d be happy to donate something to cover the amount they were required to return.

 
Your Republican Overlords
 

Liberals mentioning true bad things about Republicans is EXACTLY the same thing as conservatives making up fake bad things about Democrats.

I believe I’m hearing this correctly.

Sheesh, would it kill you to exercise a little doublethink? It’s easy; you just relax and let the contradictions wash over you.

Work with us here, people. It’s not rocket science.

 
Satan's Dirty Underwear
 

Silly Hoosier, there are no true bad things about Republicans.

Umm, okay, they are war mongerers. And kleptocrats, yes there is that. But that’s all, it’s not like they’re racists or any…

Oh never mind.

 
 

You’re understating, Hoosier. And it’s not necessary to wear the tinfoil to see this.

Fake bad things about Democrats actually get MORE attention than true bad things about Republicans.

Obama/Ayers vs. McCain/Liddy for example.

[…insert long list containing haircuts, military service, electoral fraud, reverends, sexual shenanigans, policy positions, et cetera, et cetera…]

Darn liberal gotcha media.

 
 

“Well, due to the extreme criticism from the “Laura killed her high school sweetheart, Cheney shot his friend, Bushitler” Left…”

Dan is aware that the above is true, isn’t he?

 
 

pronounced throatwarblermangrove, that may well be the case, but it is not a true Obama conspiracy until we know if the files were removed or not.

 
 

When has there been any heat on Laura Bush for her teenage car crash? NEVER. Unless talking about it equals “heat.”

 
 

“while Laura did kill her high school sweetheart”

She did? I’m assuming like, accidentally? Or something? I mean I’ve always just thought of her as kind of Stepford Wifey but not an actual murderer.

These are crazy links – I’m learning all kinds of new Wingnutty stuff. There is a post on the African Press that the Berg lawsuit was thrown out of court late Friday afternoon (there’s a big surprise) and they’re all going nuts over it. Berg’s going to the Supreme Court next – I guess he’s now looking to be skewered by even more intelligent judges. And apparently the secret to Obama’s success is his relationship with Lucifer (the bad one). Also one long post posited that Berg is secretly working for the Dems – getting the Wingers all tied up over his lawsuit when they should be out knocking on doors for McCain instead. For a little more fun I think I’m going to head over to a couple PUMA websites to get their take on the Berg fail. I’m guessing the spittle and the venom will be flying.

 
 

When has there been any heat on Laura Bush for her teenage car crash? NEVER. Unless talking about it equals “heat.”

In Wingnutistan, thinking about it = heat.

 
 

OK, I see Pinko Punko has answered my question about Laura. Come to think of it I guess I did hear about that at one time. That is pretty sad – don’t think there is any real need to put “heat” on her at this point of her life, though.

 
 

McCain was born in PANAMA.

 
 

thinking about it = heat, ergo stop thinking about global warming and it’ll go away!

 
 

Halp!

I’m becoming brainwashed.

I actually just watched the OSU marching band in the pregame show.

 
 

love those API designer handbags!

 
 

Um, McCain was claimed to have been born in Panama. No records exist of his birth, in the Canal Zone or anywhere else. I hear there’s a woman in Kenya who will swear he was born there.

 
Doctor Missus Marita
 

I actually just watched the OSU marching band in the pregame show.

Oh geez, ITTDGY, I missed out on that, since the local ABC affiliate was airing PATRIOTS ALL ACCESS. Not sure which is worse,

I always used to hate Penn State, ever since once of their nasty students scratched the contact out of my eye during a rugby game. I’ll cheer for them today though; they destroyed Oregon State earlier this season, and I’m perfectly happy to have them win out and make the loss look less embarrassing.

Also, I hate Ohio State.

 
Doctor Missus Marita
 

So many college football teams to hate.

 
 

“I’ll release it [the tape] in a day or two, affidavits from her talking to a certain person. I heard the tape. She was speaking [to someone] here in the United States.”

O rlly?

“The tape is in the native language* there,” Berg said. “I will release it as soon as translation is confirmed by affidavit, and we are waiting on affidavits from contacts over here and in Kenya.”

He heard a tape of a woman speaking a language he can’t even name and yet he knows what she was saying. Right.

Are we sure it’s all right to laugh at these people? I sometimes feel like I’m laughing at the mentally disabled.

*Swahili. Unless he means English.

 
 

We are…Penn State!
We are…Penn State!
We are…Penn State!

 
 

Doctor Missus Marita said,

October 26, 2008 at 2:04

So many college football teams to hate.

As long as you don’t hate on teh Bulldogs.

 
 

Plus, I am one of the few people who have called Paterno a “fucking asshole.” In person. To his face. heh

 
 

Rather, the idea is to poison the well of elections in general and Obama specifically. Inflame the most extreme wingtards so that on November 5th, there’s a whole gang of keyed up and ready to go thugs to do what needs to be done.

Get shot? Seriously, we’ve got more people who are paid to carry weapons out here than you can ever imagine and that’s not counting the various military installments sprinkled around the place. I’d almost feel sorry for anyone who came out here to “depose the impostor.” Almost.

I don’t know if this is a cunning plan so much as it is a bunch of people who have a fetish for the sound of their own voices raised in complaint. Thanks to the Internons they’re surrounded and egged on by people who get their jollies in a similar manner as well as people who like to wind them up by agreeing.

Look at it this way: When one of your leading lights is a 9/11 truther, you aren’t talking about the brightest baubles on the chandelier to begin with.

 
pronounced throatwarblermangrove
 

Cain: Obama’s Kenyan grandmother’s message is on audio FILES, and we haven’t heard them directly yet, so they might be MISSING. eh? eh? Did I mention that Obama’s Kenyan grandmother has an autographed copy of Das Capital? In Swahili? eh? eh? Seriously, the freeptards are just pushing every button their shriveled brains can think of, hoping that something will resonate with somebody somewhere. For comparison, think of the losing party in a really hideous divorce proceeding. Democracy is divorcing the Republicans and insisting on full custody of the country.

 
Doctor Missus Marita
 

Care to share the circumstances of that PeeJ?

And ITTDGY, I’m not sure Yale football gets enough attention to be hate-worthy.

The Fresno State Bulldogs, sure, but mainly because their fans are a special kind of scary.

 
 

Also, most excellent post title. I’ve been thinking about SPaT a lot since … Oh, the middle of 2000.

 
 

And ITTDGY, I’m not sure Yale football gets enough attention to be hate-worthy.

Ah Hah!

Our trap is working.

 
 

Ahh, jesus christ’s tits in a mason jar.

Is it that time of year again? Seems like only yesterday I was commenting upon, and being taken to task for, the boring, inconsequential and utterly silly game that is college football. I mean, sure, I never went to college, so I don’t have an almighty mother or whatever it’s called, but c’mon. Most of these kids aren’t very good, and other than an occasional superstar that goes on to be alex smith or matt leinart or reggie bush, they disappear long before you learn their names.

The idiots in charge can’t figure out how to make a rational chart of standings, so you can’t figure out who’s leading what league. Any game where they factor in opinion, where the standings are based upon more than just wins and losses, where you have about a hundred first round playoff games (bowls? how quaint) and then can’t even be ARSED (thanks again, Smut!) to even PLAY the second round? Can you even fucking SPELL denouement?

College football is entirely unsatisfactory, from opening (non-conference, fer crissakes) day to the abomination that is the “BCS” national title game. I suppose if there’s simply NOTHING else to do, watching a game is ok, but at this point I still haven’t even gotten around to shaving my pubic hair into interesting shapes…

mikey

 
 

I suppose if there’s simply NOTHING else to do, watching a game is ok, but at this point I still haven’t even gotten around to shaving my pubic hair into interesting shapes…

mikey

I’ve heard an inverted B is all the rage.

 
 

I’ll tell the story later. Must get back to game now.

PS – mikey, yer a poopyhaid

 
 

What’s the Swahili word for “comptroller”?

 
 

Uhuru.

 
 

I’m not sure, Sam.

But I know the word for ‘3 yards and a cloud of dust’: Big 10 Football!

 
 

Heh.

I love the bit about how now Berg is gonna take his lawsuit to the SC – I’d love to see how he gets a case that was thrown out of a lower court for lack of standing on the SC docket.

 
 

My word on College Football: Minor League Baseball is more ethical. So is Arena Football, for that matter. At least the players get something out of the deal. College Football? Not so much.

 
 

Holy Memorex!
There’s another ferschlugginer tape popping up everywhere you turn now!
I so totally believe “Philip J. Berg, Esq.” – I mean, there’s just no way any Democrat could’ve ever learned anything about the helpful CYA role of a big horseshoe magnet from studying another big scandal involving audio tapes, amirite?

 
 

“NWACP”

N****s With Attitude – Communist Party?

Is that like PFLP-GC?

 
 

But I know the word for ‘3 yards and a cloud of dust’: Big 10 Football!

In Happy Valley (that’s State College…oh fer…Penn State, awright?), it’s usually 3 yards and buckets of mud. Gotta luvvit.

 
 

GETTING BACK to the wingnuts; I believe they’re hoping like hell for an Obama win. I don’t think they’re really comfortable being in power; saps the life outta the whole “woe is me” shtick. It’s far easier to play the victim when your enemy is in charge.

 
 

but at this point I still haven’t even gotten around to shaving my pubic hair into interesting shapes…

I had a friend who did this. Wash, trim, blow-dry, the works. I’m not sure if styling gel was involved, and I didn’t want to ask.

But she at least had the excuse of being out of her head on drugs at the time.

 
 

Don’t matter if he was born in Kenya (he wasn’t); his mother is an American Citizen so he has at best dual citizenship. And yes, McCain was born out of country in Panama where his father was stationed. You don’t see anyone challenging him, do ya?

Let’s put it so the popular entertainment minded among us can understand…Brad Pitt and Angela Jolie have had all of their biological children born outside of the USA, but those babies are American citizens since their parents are.

Mexican (an other) immigrants come to this country late in their pregnancies to have their babies born on American soil so they will be American citizens.

K? Understand now?

 
 

First, one need not be a professional psychologist to understand that the fanatics have a formed a hallucinatory view of Obama as a salvific figure. He is the projection of all their hopes, the key figure within their soterology. They feel that his election will somehow ameliorate their sense of self-loathing. By physically attacking McCain supporters, attack the parts of themselves that they find intolerable.

 
 

Don’t matter if he was born in Kenya (he wasn’t); his mother is an American Citizen so he has at best dual citizenship. And yes, McCain was born out of country in Panama where his father was stationed. You don’t see anyone challenging him, do ya?

*sigh* The argument is that contemporary law only granted citizenship to the foreign-born child of a US citizen and a foreign national if the US citizen parent had resided in the US for a certain number of years. Obama’s mother had not resided in the US for that number, which I can’t recall or be fucked to look up at the moment, for the critical reason that it was longer than her actual lifespan to that date.

US law doesn’t work that way anymore, but in theory it would apply to Obama. The thing is, that law reads like it’s intended to apply to permanent expatriates. If it turned out Obama was born in Kenya, I believe you’d see that law rapidly interpreted as not applying to parents too young to technically qualify. And it’d be backed by a near-unanimous if not unanimous act of Congress.

The Republicans may be irresponsible thugs, but they’re smart enough to know that openly contesting the people’s choice based on a razor-thin technicality would tear the country apart and precipitate a Constitutional crisis. It’d destroy their party.

 
 

Is it wrong that when I click on the links here to right-wing sites, I scan the comment sections looking for the handles of regulars here, then start reading?

I’m not sure I could deal with them otherwise…

 
corrector of anonymous
 

…the key figure within their soterology. ….

Perhaps you mean “soteriology”. If you’re going to be an anonymous asshole, you might as well be an accurate one.

 
 

Uhuru means freedom/liberty.

I speak Swahili…seriously,

 
Comptroller Uhura
 

I thought I was a Star Trek character.

 
 

First, one need not be a professional psychologist to understand that the fanatics have a formed a hallucinatory view of Obama as a salvific figure. He is the projection of all their hopes, the key figure within their soterology. They feel that his election will somehow ameliorate their sense of self-loathing. By physically attacking McCain supporters, attack the parts of themselves that they find intolerable.

Plagiarized from here.

Visit the front page for bonus “of course I believed Ashley Todd, because democrats are so mean” backpedaling.

 
 

MYTH: John McCain was born in Panama and is thus not eligible to be President.

FACT: Shortly before John McCain’s birth, the Estado Libre del Istmo (as it was then known) broke away from the Spanish Empire. However, since he had at least one parent who as a US citizen, he is a natural-born citizen of the US. Sadly, Senator McCain’s birth records were destroyed when Captain Morgan sacked Panama City.

 
Porlock Hussein Junior
 

I feel unusually dense tonight. What does Screwtape have to do with it? I mean, he was a son of the Father of Lies, so sure, he’s a registered Republican; but beyond that? There’s an allusion I’m missing, which is embarrassing in view of the number of times I’ve read those works.

 
 

A ‘salvific figure’ is one you encounter after consuming large amounts of salvia divinorum. Not that I speak from personal experience or anything. And don’t ask me about Hughie the Datura Dwarf.

 
 

Hang on, let my try and get my head around this: Barry Hussein X went to Hawaii to kill his maternal grandmother in order to prevent his paternal grandmother in Kenya from releasing some audiotape?

Is that what we’ve got going on here?

 
 

Good freaking god. I followed the links to Cannonfire. I used to read Joseph Cannon occasionally. When the hell did he go completely insane? He seemed pretty normal when I used to read him. I didn’t think it had been that long since I last went over there, but, damn. That’s just scary.

 
 

Hm, with all this missing tape out there, anyone have stock in 3M? I smell a takeover in play…

 
 

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