Your first mistake is applying logic to wingnuts.

Dammit, Merl, it’s supposed to be a CHALLENGE! Use your imagination! (Think of it like this: once you figure out how dirty books lead to inflation, you’re halfway home…)

Let’s see-
When people teach evolution, the very structure of the model/theory/blasphemy requires that sex- i.e. the passing of genetic traits through the fusion of sperm and egg- be a perfectly natural and orderly facet of life (ha!), and thus the children must be taught the sinful ways of birth control and “facts” about STDs and buttsex. The result is devestating to our otherwise chaste and faithful sons and daughters-
This scourge of sex education makes newly liberated women eager to have sex, but since they all become lesbians after learning how to use birth control, they instead use dirty books to satisfy their sinful ways, as do the men, who become buttsex-loving queers. The longing for sinful activities caused by these dirty books lead these homos to seek out their fellow sodomites at hard rock concerts, despite the fact that they are aware that the proceeds of the concerts are sent to terrorists in the West Bank and Gaza Strip who hate Jews and America. These homosexuals, who have no need of the opposite sex because of their sodomite ways, turn to genetic engineering in order to produce more of their ilk, but since they want to have a “career” first, they only have one child when they are 38 and that is all. This lowered population leads to a great shorfall of available workers, which cripples Wall Street- leading to massive inflation and eventually stagflation. That’s when the EU and A-Rabs invade, supported by Iranian and North Korean nukes.

How Evilution leads to Alcohol
by Andrew A. Gill
for Ms. Wormwood, 7B

Put evilution in a textbook. Apply science liberally, wait two weeks and viola! Or cello! 100 proof potatoe vodka.

ok, now i get it. but it’s given me a headache. time for my glaucoma medicine.

(Think of it like this: once you figure out how dirty books lead to inflation, you’re halfway home…)

That’s easy. Dirty books must be thrown away and replaced with flawless ones. That results in increased demand which results in higher prices which results in inflation.

When in doubt, turn to zero. As in,

“Zero: The Biography of a Dangerous Idea” by Charles Seife.

You can also use it to prove Winston Churchill was a carrot. Very useful.

i wanna know why sex ed is a firecracker. cuz…. ouch…

Like how dirty books lead to the inflation of a flaccid penis? I wouldn’t know.

wow, butt sex jokes, flaccid,(and presumably turgid) penie, firecrackers in all the wrong places, sperms and eggs flying around, this was a really good one

What I want to know is how Communism with a hammer and sickle upside-down causes inflation.

Oh, and I just checked Timothy 6.20, it says “Avoid the godless chatter and contradictions of what is falsely called knowledge”. (Not “science”.) It’s basically an invocation to be ignorant and stupid.

So, no change there.

It’s not a call to be ignorant or stupid, nor is it against science.

The word from 1 Timothy 6:20 that the KJV translates as “science” is “gnosis.” Which does mean knowledge, but the writer of the letter (maybe Paul, probably not) was warning against a particular sect of early Christianity, known as Gnosticism.

Gnostic believed that there was a “secret knowledge” that the followers of Christ had to learn a in order to be saved. They believed that the Bible and the words of Jesus were full of hidden clues that could lead the believer to this knowledge.

Okay, I think I have a way:
Teaching evolution give children a reason to believe there is no god. They then look for others who believe their is no god, meeting them at Marilyn Manson concerts (That’s hard rock). At these concerts, these once goldy children are given dirty books, which makes them curious about sex, and the schools react by teaching sex education. Meanwhile, having learned about DNA during evolution class, and no longer considering that only God can make life, the children begin to use genetic engineering to manufacture a race of superhumans. This new race is so cleary superiour to all other races, that it oppresses them in a new form of racism. Some of the non-super human races rebel against this oppression, leading to terrorism, but are wiped out. However, this new race of superhumans was created to be godless and unholy, and so the superwomen refuse to stay home and take care of children unless they are higly paid. The high wages the women are paid force prices higher, thus leading to inflation. All because of evolution. (And mine’s a better story, because it has superhumans in it.)

I think meri’s got a pretty good explanation, especially good for linking women’s liberation to inflation. Bravo!

I’ll give it a shot in a little while, but first I want to point out that evidently, Religion is one of those evil things in the tree.

I don’t get it; does that mean that through ‘the axe’ of scientific creationism they intend to destroy the military, art, government, and economics? That’s pretty ambitious!

Good lord! If I’m reading this correctly, Godless Unbelieving Sin leads to Law, Medicine, Business, Music, Education, Literature, Art, Music, and a whole bunch of other Mean Nasty Ugly things that right-thinkers have been against for years! That’s why we need axes of goodness, to combat these axes of evil. And after we’ve knocked the Tree of Philosophical Evolution down on those zipper-faced Christians, we’re going after General Public and his army, no matter how loud he shouts!

But who wields the Axe of Scientific Creationism? I’m guessing it’s the Free Market, but maybe the axe is flying around under its own power, chopping hands and feet off off stick figures. In which case, look out, axe! That looks like an axe-eating tree. It could even be an axe murderer!

Still, questions remain. Is that a MOON in the “Cults” circle? Will having the “No God” stump remaining cause problems for someone trying to plow later? What’s in “Genetic Engineering?” — a bolt? a condom? Is that thing in “Drugs” a dribble syringe?

Not up to the challenge, sorry. I’ll check back by after my brain stops hurting.

Because God says so, in the bible, somewhere. That’s good enough for me and it should be good enough for everyone else.

Satan. They are all connectd by Satan.

And everyone knows that Satan is using the teaching of evolution as a form of diabolical misdirection. If he can get you to doubt that God created the world thus doubting the authority of the Bible it is just a short step to teaching buggery in the schools, promoting racial terrorism against white males and worst of all, Democratic fiscal irresponsibility leading to inflation. Satan wants you to replace the Bible with Hustler and Swank. He wants to destroy the family through the moral dissolution caused by the destruction of God ordained gender roles. He wants to elevate science above faith so that man will replace God with himself. And man has already started to do this. Meddling in genetic engineering. Satan wants you to glorify him through hard rock instead of glorifying god through hymns.

So go ahead and teach evolution. Then our children will grow up not knowing about the Bible and will embrace moral relativism. And that will be the end of our society as God purges us from the face of the earth in fire and tidal waves.

I think the picture in the Genetic Engineering circle is a test tube, but I may be wrong, given the general screwed uppedness of the image. And I guarantee you that the moon in Cults is supposed to represent Islam, as Jack Chick has managed to convince a generation of Dominionists that they’re all Moon-worshippers. What I want to know is what the illustrations in Socialism and Relativism are supposed to be.

Floyd, have you been treated for hyper-anxiety?

Do you understand the absurdity of your posting? Just asking.

To date no one has replaced the bible with anything much better, with the possible exception of the 81 aphorisms of Lao Tzu, which if you have ever read them, these aphorisms are quite moral, and quite good.

As for evolution why does it matter? We are here, and we have choices. That’s the biblical way Floyd. Leave the extremes to Jack Chick, and concentrate more on how and why there are more gays at a GOP get together than on Fire Island on a Saturday night in the summer? How Dr. Hager sodomized his wife regularly while preaching to you and me to “restrain yourselves,” How the senior pastor of AGAPE has been arrested for parole violations, and of course, what Gannon/guckert was doing in the White House on various days?

It is Satan, Floyd. But it isn’t the Democrats that are under Lucifer’s influence. Look closely Floyd. Who is hiding their sins behind Jesus? Nancy Pelosi or Dr. Hager? Senator Clinton or Congressman DeLay? Open the eyes Floyd. Wake up.

I will take it as a compliment to my satirical powers that you thought I was serious boilerman.

Satire…..hmmm, you had me Floyd.

Good satire.

Figuring out the little icons is actually kind of fun. I just got the “Humanism” one: it’s a human being on a pedestal! Get it?

“Relativism” is a sine wave, because the sine function describes the *relation* between different parts of a triangle.

I think “Socialism” is supposed to be the Kremlin, but it could be a very boxy Soviet-architect-style penis.

I have no idea what “Hard Rock” is — a sperm on a two-lane blacktop highway? That would actually be appropriate.

Okay, so, sex sells, so sex education leads to an increase in receptivity to free market capitalism, causing high school kids to put their money into such sexily marketed things as Volkswagen Golf leases and iPods rather than chastely tithing to the church. When high school kids have more money, the value of their desired goods goes up as more of them can afford it but fewer items are available on the market. So . . . uh, inflation.

On their iPods, they will soon tire of overcommercialized music and turn to hard rock, which speaks to the angst of children whose families supply them with funds rather than expressions of real filial love.

Empowered by these funds, however, young women will fall victim to the notion that they do not need a husband to get by, and so will embrace women’s liberation tenets such as freedom of movement and family planning they were taught during their heathen educations. The will spend their money on dirty books, and pursue careers in genetic engineering, because their professors will teach them that they are just as capable of doing so as any boy.

Boys, as they are now humbled by the fact that these headstrong young hussies are considered equal and are beginning to fill their traditional gender roles, will vent their frustration on other groups, causing racism.

Finally, terrorism will result as fundamentalists of other cultures begin to resent the decadent, Volkswagen-driving, Korn-on-the-iPod-listening, genetic-engineering culture of the Western Infidel.

I guess.

Cult= Islamic symbol (nice)

Relativism= what Lindsay Lohan sees when she looks down

Moral Education= “The Brain that Wouldn’t Die”

Crime= Chex

Abortion= Gymnastics

Humanism= First place!

Genetic Engineering= Ribbed for her pleasure!

Many Christians= Zombies!

Socialism= Goofy hat

Okay, here’s my try:

Kids start reading dirty books when they are young, and the pissed off women’s libbers who are offended by this degradation of women feel that they must then teach them sex education (which teaches a lot about various methods of contraception). These contraceptives then get put into use meaning no one ever has to have kids and therefore the responsiblity that goes along with having kids, letting them go out to hard rock concerts and party all the time. Meanwhile, the dearth of children scares people that humans will become extinct so many turn to genetic engineering to produce perfect offspring. Unfortunately, many of the people in power feel that since they are creating children, they can choose which kind to create – namely, white, blond haired, blue eyed children, because they feel they are the superior race. All of this self centered focus of the sex-crazed, childless, women libbing, gentic engineering americans causes them to lose focus on God’s holy war against terrorism, freeing up al-Qaeda to attack the US in a devastating manner. This attack ruins financial markets a makes inflation skyrocket.

OK, Vespa, very good, but have you figured out what the “hard rock” symbol is?

Hard Rock= My SkipIt after it was hit by a train.

Hard Rock= My SkipIt after it was hit by a train.

I am impressed.

“Hard rock” may refer to not music but the cafe chain. I went there once and had a chicken finger that looked like the picture.

okay, but why is abortion a person upside down? It’s not even a tiny person, like a fetus would be. (well, it is tiny, but no smaller than the others) Do gymnastics lead to abortion?

Even a Bircher would have a hard time with this.

Here’s my guess: The writer was reading David Horowitz’s site, where Roger Abert and Mohammed Atta are working together to destroy America, and was hit in the head with a brick, at which time his head fell on some Jack Chick tracts and a Left Behind book. The open wound allowed his brain to osmotically absorb the information, but unfortunately it was mixed with the memory of Horowitz’s network, since his brain had not yet completely settled.

Looks to me like the hard rock symbol is a poor shriveled (or shivering) eighth note on a staff. Presumably because it’s tired of loud music.

Socialism is a dome, presumably where some omnipotent government lives.

Seriously, how much acid did someone have to take to draw a picture like this?

Actually, Hard Rock looks like a horse in a whelchair race, and Socialism looks like a chode.

That Matthew quote sounds an awful lot like animism to me.

How can we tell the good from corrupt trees? We can’t, damn trees are sneaky that way. Chop all the fuckers down.

Sin provides fertile nourishment for no God biological evolution which is in effect the nastic factor propping up individual branches of “philosophical” evolution denoted in the circled icons. The forces of the military, religion and economics, however, are not circled and are thus analogous to tomato ringspot virus infecting the bad apple tree.

So here goes: secularism leads people to vote socialist and take on a relativist philosophy which allows them to tolerate crime. As a consequence, their lives become so meaningless that they turn to hard rock, dirty books, homosexualtiy and drugs and alcohol to drown their misery. It’s the drug and alcohol consumption that makes their moral chromosomes want to fly from their throbbing heads but genetic engineering appears to be able to correct for these losses. What the sinners are not aware of is that genetic engineering is error prone and requires abortion of “mistakes” and they consequently end up with childless marriages wasteing time supporting humanist money-squandering cults, leading to inflation.

Suicide is inevitable in such childless drug-induced homosexual hard-rock listening racist unions unless the military takes over government and imposes religion onto art, literature, science, education and music. Only then can the political framework be upheld to promote righteous law and economics.

Doesn’t the Christian stick figure seem a bit remniscent of the Gimp in Pulp Fiction?

Um…maybe my eyesight is going, but what is the label on the picture in the middle with the man, woman, and child? It looks like NQWCHILD LIB.

I can’t get over the “General Public”. The expression on his face is priceless. What is he supposed to be shouting?

Possibly disbelief that one individual could be such a distillation of stupidity.

Meanwhile, the “Many Christians” stick figure seems to be saying that he’s been very bad, and is in need of discipline, though in a very manly way. It is somewhat muffled though, due to his gimp mask.

what is the label on the picture in the middle with the man, woman, and child? It looks like NQWCHILD LIB

I took me a while, but I think it’s “Mom/Child Lib.” “Lib” short for liberation. Note the spiffy vertical lines between stickbaby, sticklady, and stickman — the same line you see in “Racism,” indicating division. But they aren’t the same lines you see in “Hard Rock” trapping the bean sprout. Those are horizontal.

And “General Public” isn’t shouting. He’s amazed that he’s being attacked by four crossbow bolts, all converging on his hapless noggin at the same time.

Sometimes the grain of truth is the most interesting explanation.

Adam Smith, the grandfather of modern economics (economists, feel free to correct me) was inspired by Nicholas Copernicus, the astronomer (and economist). Mostly because a) Copernicus challenged the established (i.e., the Church’s) understanding of the universe and b) because he saw in Copernicus’s mathematical model of a complex system (the solar system) a model for other complex systems (like say, the economy). But also c), Copernicus may have done early research into the concept of inflation, or at the very least Smith might have been inspired by Copernicus’s astronomical concept of “cosmic inflation.”

Copernicus’s book, On the Revolutions of Heavenly Bodies, challenged established Church doctrine on the topic.

Thus, let’s play some “6 degrees”
-Inflation is an economic principle
-Adam Smith was the grandfather of modern economics
-Adam Smith admired the work of Copernicus
-The work of Copernicus challenged religious authority
-Evolutionary theory challenges religious authority
-Therefore, Inflation results from evolutionary theory
QED

Wow, if my logic professor saw that, he’d laugh.

Sorry, but this seemed like the perfect opportunity for a gratuitous Monty Python quote:

“All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?”

“what is the label on the picture in the middle with the man, woman, and child? It looks like NQWCHILD LIB”

I thought that was “no child LB” meaning no child left behind, thus proving that W’s policies are evil.

The General Public is shouting because the Tree o’ Assorted Evil is going to fall on him.

I think it has to do with this. If you teach someone evolution, they’ll be smart enough to get a job and therefore be able to afford cable TV and therefore see that all those other things exist.

The axe is wielded by the Invisible Hand…

It seems to tell me my choices are between fruit and salad. Regrettably for the “artist” who scrawled this thing, I would mix the two, and not conform to your fucking world view.

General Public is my hero. His dad, General Specific, was such a prick. *shakes head*

General Public is my hero. His dad, General Specific, was such a prick. *shakes head*

General Public has made it a long way from when he was an enlisted man, known as “Private Public.”

Sorry.

General Public got promoted despite having to deal with a Major Problem. It seems he was at the movies one night and he popped a Colonel.

I thought it was Corporal Punishment who popped the Colonel? Maybe I’m thinking of Major Miner.

No, that was his landlord, Louis. It’s an easy mistake to make, because they have the same first name. The only way anyone keeps them straight is to call them Lou Landlord and Lou Tenant.

Well, ok. Remember you asked for it.

Eve’s Story:

The Philosophical Snake came to Lilith and gave her a forbidden apple. At the core of the apple Lilith found the seeds to knowledge about sex education and relativism. And knowing she refused to be under Adam again and jeered at his restrictive, monovisioned god and ran away. God made Eve. But the knowledge about sex and relativism was already out and God could not erase that. The Philosophical Snake appeared again, descending from the upper canvas of the Tree of Knowledge. He offered Eve another apple. Its core had all knowledge of the tree in it. Eve ate it and God hastily and angrily abandoned the Garden of Eden, leaving with his angels and minions and making Adam and Eve the custodians of the Garden and their own fate. But Adam and Eve thought that the absence of God meant that they had been cast out. They burned, mourned and wailed for the reappearance of God and in the process were blind to their roles as custodians of the Garden and of their own fates. Then Eve decided to become a Scientist. If God had left, then she would devote time to understand the Tree. It was she who decided to begin looking after the Tree of Knowledge. She begat children with many other men, not just Adam. She and some of the children she begat began to nurture and study the rooting system of the Tree of Knowledge. Her children by Adam shunned her. They thought Eve was an uppity heretic. She refused to wear sackcloth and ashes and wail and sacrifice her children to bring God back to the Garden. Instead Eve dressed well, ate well, was happy with other men and choosing to have children with some and choosing to not have certain children. She even invited Lilith into her bed. Eve’s heresy was in owning her own body and her own womb. Adam’s children loathed their mother. Eve’s chosen children, while rooting around the roots of the Tree of Knowledge discovered Evolution. They named the process after their mother Eve. She found the High Order of Science and became the high priestess of it. All the rooting around the Tree produced much Knowledge, which benefited mankind. For Eve knowledge, equality, tolerance, love, justice and humanity was more important than wearing sackcloth and ashes and wailing about God’s absence because she divined that the Garden was just as important as God and that knowledge was just important as God and that God could even aspire to be a Goddess and that (S)He was multiplicity not absolute.

Adams Story:

That Eve! Out gallivanting with every man and woman who will have her. Because of her greed, God left. And there she is begetting children of various hues and temperament with other men. After all, God gave Eve to Adam first and to beget children with the other denizens of the Garden, albeit all children of God (so God had proclaimed, but Adam had his doubts…) was unacceptable. Eve’s eventual rejection of Adam’s bed was a rejection of the God’s Way, as far as Adam and Eve’s children were concerned. Irrelevant how many wives Adam had or how many multi-hued children he had, he found no satisfaction in them. He wanted Eve’s submission as she had once given it and he prized and empowered only his children borne by Eve in his house. Here was Adam and his special children, wearing sackcloth and ashes and mourning and wailing God’s departure. While, there was Eve with her growing chosen brood of multi-hued children. Also, they felt that Eve and her chosen sons and daughters were not contributing to the labor pool by refusing to accord abject obedience to Adam the Patriarch of the Earth. For Adam’s children, absence of God meant it was no longer the Garden of Eden, it was something less and it’s only utility was to get God to come back. Adam and his children took to referring to the Garden as Earth. They felt that their place in the Hierarchy of the Earth was in danger because Eve’s chosen children believed in Science and not in God. They deemed this a Sin and an evil. Also they made things cheaper and faster and were better bankers and manufacturers and philosopher and teachers. Adam’s children decided to organize and begin the disempowering of Eve’s chosen children and to kill their heresy. This heresy, they said was preventing God from coming back and causing a flooded marketplace. They took to organizing and went about disestablishing Eve’s chosen children. They took to killing and enslaving Eve’s chosen children. Many of these would be used up in Adam’s bile spewing factories and then killed to placate Adam’s angry God. These enslaved children were distributed to Adam’s various households. There they went about teaching evolution, about medicine, about how (S)He had let the Garden go and the Garden had created a chain of events all on it’s own bringing forth beings and that it was a real possibility that Adam and Eve and the other denizens of the Garden were in fact all creations of the Garden and not of the divine (S)He. They taught about sex as pleasure and about choice in bearing children and about economics and music and their vaster, more relativistic religion. Eve’s message did not die. Adam was being undermined in his own house. His children by his other wives took to Eve’s way. Eve’s message was contagious. Adam’s children declared war on all who took to Eve’s way. Adam’s house was divided. Many of his children thought they knew Adam’s God’s path better than he did himself. They fought among themselves over the nature of Truth. The story is not over. It continues.

ScIeNce is SIN for Adam and his approved brood.

Also, that night at the movie theater almost got out of hand. It had happened before. A while back there was a disgruntled soldier who just snapped at a screening of “Falling Down.” He took out his gun and before he was done, he had Capped Ten.

That poor guy’s Cockney accent left him feeling isolated from his fellow grunts. He always did have a problem with discipline. He said he couldn’t bring himself to salute anymore because he was so tired Of ‘is “Sirs.”

You could call him yourself if you don’t believe me, but I checked the phone book, and he’s Enlisted.

You could call him yourself if you don’t believe me, but I checked the phone book, and he’s Enlisted.

Oh dear. I should have known better than to get into a pun war with Whiggy.

If I want to understand this image, I’ll watch 700 Club. That will be the day after my elective lobotomy. More drool rags, please.

:~}

Pained groans are my best reward.

What I liked was the idea that evolution and scepticism lead to terrorism. How many suicide bombers do you know who don’t believe in the after life? It’s a bit hard to rationalise killing yourself in the name of Allah when you realise that Allah is an incoherent, logically impossible entity, the notion of the ‘soul’ is half-chewed metaphysically unsupportable nonsense from a time before the most basic neuroscience and the idea that killing yourself because some guy in a funny robe told you that some book was written by the creator of the universe and promises you virgins if you kill the infidels.

No! What am I thinking. Obvious evolution leads to terrorism. And… inflation. Why didn’t see that before. We should accept that God created the world and have faith that if we pray to our invisible man our stock will go up.

I’m probably going to be too serious, but here goes.

Actually, evolution is responsible for all the things the fundies say. However, it’s reponsible for all human activities – bad as well as good (neutral as well). It’s even responsible for the crazy fundies themselves. Sadly, there is something within them that seems perpetually among us – an aspect of the potential human experience evolved in accordance with the principles of Evolution.

Aw c’mon, guys, don’t you recognize what is in the icon for “socialism?” That’s the US Capitol–or any generic American Statehouse! Get it–the US government, at least as it was before Bush Seized Dominion, _was_ socialist! Public schools and all that, welfare, free public libraries, non-toll roads–Socialism! Just one step improved over Communism! They tolerated Democrats and put Ernie and Bert on “public” TV, that means they had to be a bunch of soft-core Marxists.

This is true extremism, it is also the new mainstream. Nuclear civil war, here we come.

Yes, but can anyone explain why “Moral Education” is a bad thing? And why is it represented by a lobotomy? Aren’t these sorts of fundamentalists FOR moral education via lobotomy? I don’t get it.

Flip yr Whig, I thought it said “NOW/child lib,” with NOW standing for National Organization of Women. In other words, anyone who threatens adult male dominance.

I discuss this tree item by item on another message board:

http://www.eslcafe.com/forums/korea/viewtopic.php?p=726802#726802

Give me a call.