Um, The Tape Was Stolen By A Black Man
Ding-dong. Who’s there? Oh my, it’s “Korir” of African Press International, come to explain why he hasn’t released the Michelle Obama ‘White Racists’ tape:
Police: Campaign Worker Admits Making Up Story
PITTSBURGH (KDKA) Police sources tell KDKA that a campaign worker has now confessed to making up a story that a mugger attacked her and cut the letter “B” in her face after seeing her McCain bumper sticker.
Ashley Todd, 20, of Texas, initially told police that she was robbed at an ATM in Bloomfield and that the suspect became enraged and started beating her after seeing her GOP sticker on her car.
Police investigating the alleged attack, however, began to notice…
Oh wait, wrong story. Uh, we’ll be back after these important messages!
Breaking: The claims by Todd that she was “rolled and patted” by a heavily built African American male, who threatened to “put her in the oven with Baby” and himself, have also been recanted, police say.
Update: Dep’t of Whoops-I-Said-It-Again:
B for bitch or for barack? Was she white was the person that did it black? This could very easily be a race war starting. In PA you do not want a race war. White out number blacks by 9 to 1. I pray for the lady. there is not fucking reason for something like this. they need to find the SOB that did this and hang him in public. after branding his face with a big F for fucking piece of shit.
Posted by: unseen at October 23, 2008 04:13 PM
Update:
Attend the tale of Ashley Todd,
Her skin was scratched and her eye was odd…
She told Detectives J.R. Smith and Scott Evans varying stories about how she ended up with two black eyes and a backward letter “B” etched onto her right cheek late Wednesday. She said she remembers being in her car, driving around the city, and seeing the letter on her cheek when she looked into the rearview mirror. She said she immediately thought of Barack Obama when she saw the “B,” Bryant said.
“She said she doesn’t remember doing it but knows it must have been her who did it,” Bryant said.
Minutes later, she told detectives, she was driving around and “came up with a plan” to manufacture a story about being attacked at a Bloomfield ATM by a black man who was enranged by her John McCain bumper sticker.
“Her story changed a lot,” Bryant said.
So what does goober have to say about this? I sure hope he shows up to denounce this woman. After all, they’re both conservatives, so he is responsible for everything Ashley Todd says or does.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!1111eleventy!
*rends clothes, dons sackcloth, casts dust into the air*
WHY, ASHLEY, WHYYYYYY????
*weeps uncontrollably, laughs uncontrollably, farts uncontrollably*
*climbs out 30th-floor window*
I’LL JUMP!! I SWEAR I WILL!!!
Off topic, or is it? Wonkette is saying:
KDKA in Pittsburgh reports this BREAKING NEWS item: “A Pittsburgh police commander says a volunteer for the McCain campaign who reported being robbed and attacked near a bank ATM in Bloomfield has confessed to making up the story. Police say charges will be filed.”
Pie for everyone!
Sadly, No-ans:
“Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!’
Pie for everyone!
Make mine blueberry!
Oh Crap, that’s what I get for not reading past the title and thinking this really was about that API nonsense.
/me crawls away in shame.
Hey, republicans aren’t allowed to fake hate crimes, only the left is, cocksuckers.
Now, let’s talk about something important, like my readers commiting campaign finance fraud to test my theories.
Heckuva job, Goobie…
(Charles Stuart golf claps)
She seems to have serious daddy issues. Like most Republicans, of course.
Want to read something funny?
http://businessreport.com/news/2008/oct/20/mccain-president/
Back during the JeremiahWrightFest of late-spring, Michael Medved wrote something decrying the use of a “black” Jesus, as if the “white” Jesus was any less inaccurate. At this point we all came to the conclusion that wingnuts do us a serious disservice when they make their spew so easily refutable.
Which brings me to this, Ace Of Spades’ House Of Farts, Glenn Reynolds, and others. Nice try, but alas…
Shortly after the story was retracted, the pies mysteriously disappeared from the kitchen.
Not even Nero put on this good of a show.
Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
It’s POTTY TIME!
What time is it?
.
.
.
It is TIME to POT-TAY!!!!
Suddenly that story about the mysterious death of the Chicago city comptroller seems rather fishy too!
Two of the greatest hoaxes in 2008 campaign history, other than the Sarah Palin as VP one, now it makes sense that republicans are happier.
“If the incident turns out to be a hoax, Senator McCain’s quest for the presidency is over, forever linked to race-baiting.” – Fox News Vice President John Moody: http://tpmelectioncentral.talkingpointsmemo.com/2008/10/report_mccain_volunteer_who_cl.php
Dear me, I made a logical deduction about the circumstances claimed by the victim (that it wasn’t even remotely plausible), and I find it was exactly what I thought. I bet McPalin’s sympathy calls are going to go down the memory hole.
Heeeeeeeeere’s Ace!
Yay! You win! Woo!
Because when I take time out from my busy day to conduct politically motivated facial carvings I ALWAYS carve the letters backward.
That way only the victim can see my intent in the mirror and the broad political message meant for the Ashley Todd-viewing general public is lost.
They can’t even beat themselves up properly.
And thus, this final chapter in Colossal Wingtard Fuckuppery closes the book on the idea that any RepubliKKKlan can do anything effectively besides shit their pants.
Wowzers. These fReichtard desperation moves are fun, but I think they are taking focus away from the dynamic McCain campaign!
Let’s get back to the red meat and focus on John-Boy. It’s time for our side to launch the next meme.
How’s this one: Some o’ you folks have read The Right Stuff, right? Tom Wolfe? Movie with Ed Harris, other cool guys…
All about brave military aviators. Guys With the Right Stuff. Guys like JaMaKane. Amirite?
I remember reading the book, and being struck by one passage, where a guy had a Mig or two on his tail over Korea, and knew he was cooked.
“MIGS AT ZERO,” he hollered into his mike.
Just then, his cool-as-a-cuke, got the Right Stuff wing commander broke into the radio traffic.
“Shut up and die like an aviator,” he ordered the doomed man.
It is time, my friends. My friends, we should demand this. Signs at McCain/Palin rallies, echoed by spokespeople throughout our great land. Let the cry, my friends, go up:
JOHN McCAIN, SHUT UP AND DIE LIKE AN AVIATOR.
For America, my friends. You betcha! (wink)
Gosh, talk about
GETTING MUGGED BY REALITY.
Thankew, I’m here all week.
There are still unanswered questions. The backwards ‘B’ that was carved into the comptroller’s cheek has never been explained.
But this is not possible. Special Ed pulled out all of his mad journalistic skillz on this story and Andy McCarthy linked it with an in-yer-face headline (Change, the “Direct Action” Way — McCain Supporter Beaten and “B” Branded in Pittsburgh).
She’s obviously lying when she says she was lying. Or better yet, she was an Obama plant.
“If the incident turns out to be a hoax, Senator McCain’s quest for the presidency is over, forever linked to race-baiting.”
Like that’s a surprise except for the fact that it’s coming from FAUX News.
Barry Kabila Hussein Amin Khomeini Ahmedinejad Hitler Nat X is going to be the first US president of African descent. We all know that.
One thing that’s been lost in this whole rigamarole, however, is that John Sidney McCain III will be the first white guy to lose the US presidency to a person of African descent.
JS McCain III, a man descended from slaveholders and with a whole slave family on the side to ignore (just like TJ!).
A man who fought tooth-and-claw against the MLK holiday.
A man who has consistently voted against the interests of all minorities.
You think that thought doesn’t keep him awake nights?
“HEY MCCAIN!!! YOU LOST TO A N****R!!1!!!eleventy!!”
The entire pasty white collection of McCain ancestors is collectively spinning at 28,800 RPM.
Way to go, Johnny Boy!
Also, re: the KelliOsbourneLicious Ashley Todd:
“I’d HIT that.”
Tip your waiters…
And to think some shifty-eyed mother fucker tried hanging this on a disgruntled fan…
Norbiz, on the previous Gavin thread said that he hates giving blog idiots notice, even in mocking, because it gives them attention. I thought about it because Norbiz is funny and smart — but I think, ultimately, it helps because it shines a light on the fucking lunatics who truly represent Republican culture.
Ace is a Republican through and through. So’s this chick. Incompetent, hateful, stupid beyond all human standards. This is what that party has been reduced to. Keeping the spotlight on the particularly stupid and mean ones — even while it makes them crazier — will push Independents away and make them de facto liberals, while it’ll make the remaining “intelligent” Republicans “independent”.
These fucking morons deserve the ridicule and failure so richly and deservedly. May they never stop entertaining us with FAIL.
Ah, delightful. I had a sneaking suspicion that if she was lying, it wouldn’t take the police very long to get her to confess.
It seems one of the key bits of evidence was that she didn’t actually use the ATM in question. You think those things don’t keep a record of everything they do? They obviously have to, or else how would they debit your account when you take money out?
Come on.. How difficult would it have been to make an airtight story? The twitter posts were over-egging the cake, and not actually using the ATM was daft. By many reports, the place it happened was not exactly a dark alley either.
Sadly, you can’t expect much from young republicans.
It takes a big (white) man to not admit his mistake!
I don’t know…. it seemed plausible to me.
“The claims by Todd that she was “rolled and patted” by a heavily built African American male, who threatened to “put her in the oven with Baby” and himself, have also been recanted, police say.”
Nobody puts Baby and Ashley Todd into the corner oven!
You go girl!
I bet it was Dan Riehl’s brother.
What?
Goober: It’s “Sadlynauts”, or “Sadly-naughts”, thank you very much.
What amazes me (though it shouldn’t by now) is how stoopid™ they are. How could anyone with the sense that GOD gave to shellfish not realize they’d be caught for a fake in a trice? Anyway, that’s a good thing.
Idiots like Ashley (oh Ashley!) and Ace and the rest, it seems, got their tickets on the FAIL train and they aint gettin off til the end of the line. And that’s a good thing.
McCain and his minions, supporters and other leeches, entirely lacking in intellectual curiosity and hence completely devoid of analytical or modeling skills, are the proverbial generals all fighting the last war. That’s why the campaign is going so well, And that’s a good thing.
I gotta aks maseff, kin it get mo betta?*
* practicing for January when ebonics becomes mandatory
PS – since antiAmerican WordPress wouldn’t let me post it in the last thread, Gavin you need to (re)read Brautigan. Trout Fishing in America still stands as a seminal work. It always cheers me up.
PPS – poop
PPPS – [ctl-a][ctl-c] FYWP!!
I’m delighted that an anagram for Korir is “Rik Ro”. Cue the Astley!
I feel a song coming on! Sing it with me, Sadly,Nots! You all know the words:
Schaden-Freud, Schaden-Freud,
Every morning you greet me.
With some new, story true,
About how stupid the GOP be!
Turd-blossom failed to get the votes,
In spite of Palin’s new suits, and coats.
Schaden-Freud, Schaden-Freud…
Look, I’m not wedded to these lyrics, just spitballing, running it up the flagpole to see who sets it afire.
They can’t even beat themselves up properly.
Wasn’t there a male Young Rethuglican who did beat himself up a while back? Maybe a year or so ago? Perhaps someone here with more working memory cells than I have can recall it.
“But I do wish I had waited until we could be reasonably sure it was true.” – Andy McCarthy
It’s called “standards,” numb nuts. Why do you think that the reichtard-o-sphere is roundly mocked and discounted? You don’t have any.
Idiots like Ashley (oh Ashley!) and Ace and the rest, it seems, got their tickets on the FAIL train and they aint gettin off til the end of the line.
Okay, try again!
This Train, don’t carry no voters, This Train
This Train, don’t carry no voters, This Train.
This Train, don’t carry no voters, just a lot of nuts
and egos all bloated. This Train it done exploded, This Train.
Or maybe something could be done with “The Wheels on the Bus” (come loose and fall off)
Hi! I’m Joe Izusu and I’m a College Republican and I was attacked in the back seat of this lovely car.
Palin–Todd ’12! They can name the bus Race-Baiter Express.
Andrew McCarthy, eat me.
Ace, eat me.
Entire rightwing blogosphere, eat me.
Twenty percenters, eat me.
That is all.
Candy – Yeah I remember that too. A couple of years ago. It was the head of a college republicans group, I think? He recanted pretty quick too and lied almost as poorly as this woman.
Wait — you libruls are letting Obama get away with forcing this woman to recant her honest & accurate testimony?
I have to say that, while the schadenfreude is absolutely more yummy than anything offered by Teh Cheesecake Factory, these kinds of things make me really angry. If Ashley hadn’t been such a fucking moron and planned this thng better, they might have believed her and arrested and maybe even convicted some innocent guy.
I’d like to give her a serious ass-kicking, to tell the truth, give her something real to bitch about. But I’ll be happy enough if she gets some charges filed against her, and I hope she has a nice police record as a result. She’ll get to find out how hard it is to get a job with a criminal conviction on her background check. Also, she gets the abject humiliation of her story going viral, so there’s that.
Ah, sweet schadenfreude of life, at last I’ve found yooooooooooou!
We just covered this recently. Last night, in fact. Or maybe it was this morning. Justin Zatkoff is your man. Follow the first link. Or maybe you were thinking of Francisco Nava.
Also, hawt damn this is the gr8st election! Can we wait until Nov. ’09 to vote?
Atrios’ funniest Deep Thought evah:
Do you mean Justin Zatkoff? http://www.michigandaily.com/content/alleged-political-hate-crime-not-what-it-seemed
Got in a fight with a drinking buddy, and tried to blame it on the liberals..
It was the head of a college republicans group, I think? He recanted pretty quick too and lied almost as poorly as this woman.
Yep, that’s the one. I think there was a post on Sadly about it. Ah, if only I had J- or Righteous Bubba’s searching skills, I’d go hunting for it.
That’s pretty much the story that the Hot Air commenters are going with.
DN
Only the left gets to fake hate crimes.
That’s good, but you missed the sweet part just before it. Note that the post starts off all pissed off about how stupid a stunt this was.
I am not shitting you. IOW, the problem with Ashley Todd isn’t that she faked a hate crime, it’s that she got caught. And now let’s have the final line of the post again:
“If Ashley hadn’t been such a fucking moron and planned this thng better, they might have believed her and arrested and maybe even convicted some innocent guy.”
But what I think what is becoming glaringly clear is that these people ARE such fucking morons. All of them. It’s a feature of wingerism. We’ve known it for years, but now everyone else is starting to figure it out.
The backward B is for The Buttocks, of course.
Sockpuppet and PeeJ, that’s the guy. I don’t remember the Nava dude.
These guys really are pathetic. Jeesh.
How could anyone with the sense that GOD gave to shellfish not realize they’d be caught for a fake in a trice?
From the original article…
That should answer your question.
I swear, the Aggie jokes, they write themselves sometimes.
Well, we can follow Ashley’s future career with interest. How long til she gets on the wing-nut-welfare-gravy-train?
Meanwhile, I’d say this photo wraps up the latest hoax rather well.
Listen, everybody, let’s not be too hard on Ashley Todd about all this.
I’m sure she’s already beating herself up over it.
Just for Candy…
http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/3934.html
Here are the Sadly, No! posts on Zatkoff and Nava, respectively. Gavin’s going to have to put together a volume that collects these sad tales.
I can’t believe that a tall (basketball-player type), dark-skinned, left-handed, dyslexic black man wearing a black shirt, black pants, black shoes, black socks, black underwear, black turban and just full of blackety blackness didn’t actually do this. I’m stunned, actually.
Okay, I give up. I will never, ever try to top Sadly, No commenter’s witty rejoinders again! “Already beating herself up…”
Nope, I can’t compete, and I know it.
collects these sad tales
Real tales of D’oh.
Wait, stop me if I used that already! Better still, just stop me.
The real question is, when Palin called her, did she offer to pay for her rape kit?
“Breaking: The claims by Todd that she was “rolled and patted” by a heavily built African American male, who threatened to “put her in the oven with Baby” and himself, have also been recanted, police say.”
This made my day.
Well, we can follow Ashley’s future career with interest. How long til she gets on the wing-nut-welfare-gravy-train?
Of course, sometimes the College Rethugs go really bad, too bad even for wingnut welfare:
Former Romney aide sex offender arrested in baby’s death
I couldn’t find anything recent about this case, but I confess I’ve not looked very thoroughly. I’m kinda time hampered as usual.
Thanks for the links, J- and Jas!
Yes, Gavin must definitely do a collection of these stories.
The fact is:
Ein Männlein steht im Walde ganz still und stumm,
Es hat von lauter Purpur ein Mäntlein um.
Sagt, wer mag das Männlein sein,
Das da steht im Wald allein
Mit dem purpurroten Mäntelein.
Das Männlein steht im Walde auf einem Bein
Und hat auf seinem Haupte schwarz Käpplein klein,
Sagt, wer mag das Männlein sein,
Das da steht im Wald allein
Mit dem kleinen schwarzen Käppelein
Her skin was scratched and her eye was odd…
She was hurt by the Dude, Palin, Todd….
Aww what a shame. Ashley has given a black eye to the “conservative movement.” They’re bleeding credibility and I doubt they have any socked away.
And that’s just scratching the surface.
Exclusive! Must credit goober!
Ashley’s mug shot:
http://flickr.com/photos/jansen68/2969317653/
And while you’re there, enjoy these pics of liberal icons:
http://flickr.com/photos/jansen68/2199585302/
http://flickr.com/photos/jansen68/2198752851/
http://flickr.com/photos/jansen68/2198750653/
I feel really really sad for her. I mean, yea, she tried to turn this into a major story for attention, but she’s very sick. As a liberal, it’s hard not to feel pity for her.
Maybe they can put a better face on it. I guess she was mugging for the camera.
Clif’s post on F. Nava and Professor Robert George.
Ashley Todd, 20, from College Station, Texas,
Priceless.
From Ashley’s tweets as captured over on TheSmokingGun:
Those founding fathers sure were forward thinkers. I’ll have to go back and review my copy of the constitution to see if they mention right turn on red.
Road trip for Pamela Geller! Honor demands it.
First Derek Oblammo turns my state blue and then the rolled and patted white woman turns out to be an Oblammo plant! You LIEbrals will stop at nothing to install your colored Hitler as the head of all Muslamity, just to further the gay agenda. How can you vote for someone that you know so little about? For example, what is his position on the eradication of rabid pelicans? You see what I mean? You don’t know, because you know nothing about him! He’s in Hawaii right now, expunging all traces of his Indonesian/Kenyan birth certificate that shows that he has two fathers, and you’re falling for the MSM lie that he’s visiting his Granny?? If you believe that, I’ve got a mountain outside of Bozeman I’d like to sell you, DEMONcrap!
“B” is for “BOGUS!”
Wow. I’m totally stunned. No, really. Shocking. Yup. You could really knock me over with a feather here. Right outta left-field. Holy cow. Never could’ve guessed it.
Actually, I’d kind of like to see the REST of the wingnuts all start following her example … kind of an “I am Spartacus” thing, but with mutilation … hell, you have to admit, it’d sure make the dumb humps easy to ID in a crowd – if/when they get let off the Psych Ward, I mean.
Oh yeah – & that Enron ad seriously messed my noggin up. THAT I truly did NOT see coming!
Got to go seasonal & request pumpkin – Grandma made some whoop-ass pumpkin pie back in the day, with homemade whipped-cream (drool).
I hope this episode doesn’t scar the poor girl. Sure what she did was wrong, but I think we should all turn the other cheek.
I do think we are only seeing the beginning here. Wingnuts have always had a persecution complex, which even thrives when they are in political power.
With Obama as president, that complex will go into overdrive. I expect more fake hate crimes against reichtards, and more REAL hate crimes against liberals, or against the kind of people that wingnuts usually victimise.
Backlash is an old story. A black president can be seen as the beginning of the end for anti-black racism in America. Blacks have gained legal equality, and are now on the verge of making a symbolic leap in social equality. It isn’t over yet, but the end is in sight.
Some people ain’t going to like that. Every advance in civil rights, there is always a small group of protesters in the corner. An Obama presidency could also see advances made in legal rights for women and gays. eg. The Ledbetter case, and adding sexual identity to existing anti-discrimination law.
I think the really fringe militia/KKK and other terrorist groups are going to be increasingly active. Thankfully, the Bush administration will have left Obama with some incredibly ruthless methods of dealing with domestic terrorism.
Whilst I do hope the human rights violations of the Bush administration are taken out of law immediately, I can’t help hoping that some of the anti-terrorism legal constructs will be found to be useful against ultra-right terrorist groups. Schenfreude is even more delicious when it is a guilty pleasure.
if my quotoes remain, CNN will quote me when they say “Even conservatives smell a hoax…” CNN only quotes conservative blogs when they make points helpful to the liberal cause.
Ace, save your worries for things that are within the realm of possibility.
Got to go seasonal & request pumpkin – Grandma made some whoop-ass pumpkin pie back in the day, with homemade whipped-cream (drool).
The way to do whipped cream for pumpkin pie is to put a thimble of bourbon in it before you whip. The cinnamon flavors in the pie fit perfectly with it.
I can’t help hoping that some of the anti-terrorism legal constructs will be found to be useful against ultra-right terrorist groups.
Uh. You’re really nuts if you think they’re actually going to be used against white college republican types. How many abortion clinic bombers do we have in Guantanamo?
The way to do whipped cream for pumpkin pie is to put a thimble of bourbon in it before you whip. The cinnamon flavors in the pie fit perfectly with it.
Or Black Seal rum…
Barry Kabila Hussein Amin Khomeini Ahmedinejad Hitler Nat X is going to be the first US president of African descent.
Depends on how long a view you take. I keep meaning to go by Olduvai Gorge and see what they’ve done with the old neighborhood.
Hey now, waitaminute.
We had NOTHING to do with this.
We were sitting around down at the Museum of Natural History.
And we can prove it…
The Buttocks
Of course you realiize, D-KW, this means war! [Bonus blackberry pie included]
Ya know, it just occurred to me: Michelle Malkin is the most credible dead-ender wingnut as of today. Also:
Pie for everyone!
In one of my social circles, “pie” is email/text message code for the wacky weedus, so I saw that and got all excited for (probably) no reason.
Now, let’s talk about something important, like my readers commiting campaign finance fraud to test my theories.
Heh.
As a scientist, I insist that those Ace readers perform a control test by attempting fraudulent donations to the McCain campaign, to make sure it’s the campaign and not the credit card handling that’s so permissive.
They should do several donations, up to at least the $2300 maximum, but for best results they should donate at least $10K to both campaigns just to really really be sure.
The way to do whipped cream for pumpkin pie is to put a thimble of bourbon in it before you whip. […]
Or Black Seal rum…
I prefer my way. I use quite a bit more but only a few thimblefuls (thimbles-ful?)* go into the cream.
[Damn! Never thought about the plural before. And don’t get me started on Eggs McMuffin]]
War, PeeJ? Don’t you know that it’s good for absolutely nothing. Seriously, though, can’t we just let Ashley be?
… put a thimble of bourbon in it before you whip.
That’s what your mom said too.
I notice some people saying they feel sorry for the girl because she is obviously a bit off her rocker..
But really, doesn’t a person have to be mentally unstable to be a republican anyway? The right is extremely dysfunctional, and motivated by greed and spite more often than not. This blog is devoted to laughing at wingnuts who cannot manage to acknowledge reality when it is shoved in their faces, but isn’t that denial of reality just a sign of severe emotional problems?
I realise things are not so extreme on my side of the pond, but none the less, I don’t know ANY well adjusted right wingers. All of them are excessively self centred, and all of them have seriously adjustable morality depending on who is commiting the crime. Of course, many left wingers have issues too.. I know I have. The key difference to me, seems to be that right wingers are those who remain in denial of their issues, and have the sort of personality flaws that prevent them from being honest with themselves.
From a clinical point of view, wingnuttism could practically be considered a mental illness in its own right. The world would be a better place if every Mcain voter had some therapy sessions.
Yes, it is unkind to laugh at these people.. But they, and their ideology are dangerous. I do not laugh at the mentally disabled, but I do laugh in the face of danger.
Soooo, who is going to be Ashley for Halloween?
So is she a race-baiter or just a face-hater?
I totally saw this coming. DUH! All fat chicks are cutters.
Bwahaha?
I totally saw this coming. DUH! All fat chicks are cutters.
Phew. I thought my “your mom” joke might have been some high water mark for tastelessness.
Leave Ashley alo-o-o-o-ne!!!!1!!
Soooo, who is going to be Ashley for Halloween?
Pretty much everybody who reads Wonkette, I’m thinking. It’ll be embarrassing to show up at the party when everybody has the same costume!
Maybe they can mash the Ashley Look up with the Hastily Assembled Sarah Palin constumes that August Pollak warned people off of last week.
Oh gawd those comments on the API blog are priceless. Talk about a bunch of projectionist koolaid drinkers. One guy pops in and expresses doubt, and they all jump in with the “See! The left is trying to silence us!!!”
Hmmm, perhaps we can dream up the “I am aware of all Internet traditions” costume that encapsulates the greatest hits of wingnuttitude of the last few months.
* Backwards B on your face
* Palin hair or glasses
* Joe the plumber butt crack
* Joe Six-Pack six pack
That’s Assistant Chief Maurita Bryant of the Pittsburgh Police.
Oh, and:
* A whitey tape
Loneoak – how about a receipt for Iranian caviar?
…still. I’m hoping this Ashley Todd FAIL helps to discredit Drudge some. That befedorated dingbat has been a serious enabler of Media Pantloadism.
No, “befedorated” still doesn’t sound right. To be more accurate, you should say “little man hiding under a hat”
Listen, everybody, let’s not be too hard on Ashley Todd about all this.
I’m sure she’s already beating herself up over it.
JF Sebastian wins the internets for today.
The real fun starts when the Ashley Todd imbroglio is put together with the Palin-wardrobe-missing-money imbroglio.
Ashley has admitted her mugging/ing story is not true, but she has not told (or we haven’t yet heard) what really did happen.
Expensive make-up artist, tens of thousands of missing wardrobe dollars, you figure it out.
Is it irresponsible to speculate? It would be irresponsible not to speculate!
To be more accurate, you should say “little man hiding under a hat”
Fair enough. I’m just trying to use my vocabulary words so I remember them.
Loneoak – how about a receipt for Iranian caviar?
Definitely. Also perhaps some zombie elements for McCain.
All of this is getting to the point where I’m uncomfortable. It’s like Christopher Guest/Ricky Gervais-style embarassment humor, except it goes on 24 hours a day for over a year.
I’m sorry i took me so long to bring this up – I had a debilitating chuckling fit.
Shorter Jonah Pantload: Jonah – I can’t comment on the McCain volunteer attack because I have a cold…
Also perhaps some zombie elements for McCain.
The backward B is for Brains! Brains, brains, brains, brains, brains!
And I didn’t read the latest version as I’m on Daddy Daycare duty today.
Dear G*d in Heaven, the Pantload had reproduced? He figured out how?
That poor, poor child…
I might feel sorry for her, but somehow the lynchings, murders, and false convictions that happened when lies like this were told before make me very unsympathetic. I think this was a badly planned attempt at race-baiting. Now that she’s caught, she’s going to be as apologetic and emotional as a College Republican sociopath (but I repeat myself) can be.
IOW, I’d cry for her, but I haven’t got a handkerchief.
This just proves she was a liberal after all.
As an adult, I feel sorry for this girl, because she’s clearly messed up.
But as a former victim of bullying by girls and boys just like this, I can’t help but think she’s getting her just desserts.
This is some fucked up shit. She should thank her lucky stars for the media blitz, because if she’d gotten some poor bastard convicted, she’d have to deal with the guilt for the rest of her goddamn life.
Guilt? You really think she’d feel any guilt?
Chocolatepie, you’re a better man than I.
The medalists so far:
JF Sebastian said,
October 24, 2008 at 21:29
Listen, everybody, let’s not be too hard on Ashley Todd about all this.
I’m sure she’s already beating herself up over it.
PeeJ said,
October 24, 2008 at 21:39
Aww what a shame. Ashley has given a black eye to the “conservative movement.” They’re bleeding credibility and I doubt they have any socked away.
And that’s just scratching the surface.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 24, 2008 at 21:49
I hope this episode doesn’t scar the poor girl. Sure what she did was wrong, but I think we should all turn the other cheek.
You can’t find comments like these elsewhere on the web (at least not since TBogg moved to a gated community). Editors! Please renew my subscription to Teh Sadly!
Also I have a debilitating cold and am now going to bed for a while.
I have a cold too, so I actually have something in common with Teh Pantload! Oh, noes! Except I don’t get to go to bed and pamper my ass, I have things to do. And if that fucker is on Daddy Daycare duty, how is it he gets to go to bed?
Mooser said,
I feel a song coming on! Sing it with me, Sadly,Nots! You all know the words:
Schaden-Freud, Schaden-Freud,
Every morning you greet me.
Harumph.
Guilt? You really think she’d feel any guilt?
Did I say guilt? I meant worms. Lots and lots of tequila worms.
Thanks for the costume idea. Will do it!
reading MM is just too embarassing, Nimrod. Not that I’m denying I just did so, but…. it was painful.
I feel really really sad for her. I mean, yea, she tried to turn this into a major story for attention, but she’s very sick.
I’m with actor. something’s wrong with this child. And I fear her own will turn on her, too.
I’m with actor. something’s wrong with this child. And I fear her own will turn on her, too.
The College Republicans have already kicked her out.
From:
Head of State
http://headofstate.blogspot.com/2008/10/borderline-campaign-disorder-b-hoax.html
Friday, October 24, 2008
Borderline Campaign Disorder: The “B” Hoax
On a cold night in Pittsburgh, a disturbed young woman committed an act all too common–she called in an attack on herself, stating that she had been attacked by a black man who had robbed her, and, seeing the McCain sticker on her car, in a fit of social activism somehow compatible with his immediately previous psychopathy, slashed a “B” into her face. That the B was, in fact, backwards–as would be the case if one was putting it on themselves while looking into a mirror–was no doubt meant as a literary irony, such as the “Amerika” of earlier social radicals, while the lightness of the scratching–despite the “attacker’s” cited “rage”–was no doubt a signal of his electoral ambivalence in this tight race.
Of course, the event, implausible as fact even to the most rabid fictionalists on the right-wing, was a hoax. Anyone who understands the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder is well aware of what happened here. Extreme needs for attention combine with physically destructive behavior–most often seen in cutting one’s own skin–in an act meant to bring outer love and attention as it attacks inner self-hatred.
The act is rarely carefully planned. One of the key features of Borderline Personality Disorder is impulsivity. The act is usually spurred by rage. As a result, they spring to action, in order to address the immediate need, without any consideration of how the behavior will later unravel. There is an intense desire to address a powerful sense of abandonment with an impulsive and ultimately self-destructive action.
In a supreme irony, these characteristics mirror the tactical efforts of the McCain/Palin ticket throughout this campaign: impulsivity, an emphasis on the grand gesture that is poorly thought through, and that is ultimately self destructive.
Perhaps the act was wiser than it seems.
Perhaps it was meant as homage.
UPDATE: Woman has been identified as having as history of mental illness. That this would be used by media and, if so, by the campaign is reprehensible.
Cite:
Head of State
http://headofstate.blogspot.com/2008/10/borderline-campaign-disorder-b-hoax.html
Papa Zita wrote:
Agreed. In the not-too-distant past, this sort of shit got people killed. I have zero sympathy for any asshole who deliberately tries to reanimate “primitive racial-sexual fears” from the bad old days. (Quote from Jonathan Chait)
I saw the original release of “It’s Potty Time.” It really works best on the big screen.
J’s linky is teh awesomest. You can almost taste their tears. Soooo sweeeet.
I blame degenerate German artists for glamorising facial scars.
Well sir, I was on the porch and – and he came along and, you see, there was this old chiffarobe in the yard Papa’d brought in to chop up for kindlin’…
Wait, so it was fake?
Well no shit.
“B” is for “bigot”.
No matter what mental problems she might have, she consciously cooked up some cockamamie race-baiting incident as an anti-Obama political smear stunt.
I hope she gets help… in jail.
Save some anger for McCain’s Pennsylvania campaign team, who were embellishing the story and promoting it to the media, as proof that the Obama campaign was a gang of black criminals.
They seem to have adopted Charles Manson’s helter-skelter race-war plan as a serious political strategy.
I’m on Daddy Daycare duty today
It’s not daddy daycare, dickhead. It’s called parenting.
Save some anger for McCain’s Pennsylvania campaign team
Yes. Right now the Pittsburgh Police is of the belief that she acted alone and that her friends were earnest in their effort to help. If such is the case, the person who deserves close scrutiny and chastisement is Peter Feldman of the McCain campaign, who quickly jumped on the story and pushed it hard, irresponsibly trying to make political gains from it.
Would it be irresponsible to link to a Slits video? It would be irresponsible not to.
You know what you can do with your Pixies videos.
Everybody is missing the important question in this:
What is the current status of Ashley Todd’s chifferobe? Inquiring minds want to know.
The Slits were pretty interesting, though their lack of hooks makes them hard on my ears sometimes. Ari Upp is certainly charismatic & rhythmic.
Who the heck knows what the Germs were on about?
Some more weird stuff by Ari Upp… sorta Slits meets Reggae meets Public Enemy meets that video you made in high school with your friends.
You people are being unfair. I happen to know a Democrat campaign worker who was attacked by a drunken hillbilly who carved “McC” into her cheek. It wasn’t backward but it was upside down.
What’s up with this? No posts on a friday night? Do you people have lives or something?!
I totally saw this coming. DUH! All fat chicks are cutters.
But the smarter ones stick to cutting *other* people, which explains what happened to your
ballskidneys.You stupid girl
All you had you wasted
All you had you wasted
You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Cant believe you faked it
Cant believe you faked it
(That song comes to mind whenever I hear this Garbage)
Fear of a Black Punchline.
She made up hoaxes of burly men
Who never existed and will not again
She thought she’d do with a face mod
Did Ashley Todd
The stupid woman Republican!
She made up stuff in Pittsburgh town
She won Republicans’ great renown
So what if all of her tale was fake
A media narrative she thought she could make
That’s Ashley
That’s Ashley Todd,
The stupid woman Republican!
SWING YOUR RAZOR WIDE, ASHLEY!
SCRAPE IT ON YOUR FACE!
ETCH A LETTER, BACKWARDS BETTER, MAKE YOUR CASE!
OK, that’s all for now. (:
You people are being unfair. I happen to know a Democrat campaign worker who was attacked by a drunken hillbilly who carved “McC” into her cheek. It wasn’t backward but it was upside down.
And if you played her face backwards, it said “Paul is dead, miss him miss him miss him…”
Would it be irresponsible to link to a Slits video? It would be irresponsible not to.
Here’s a bunch more. Enjoy responsibly.
Did she actually carve a letter in her cheek? Good grief. McCain will only win if the number of people with low IQs who are batshit crazy exceeds the number of people who are satisfied with the attention they already get in life from friends and family.
Btw, McCain’s brother Joe (is he a six pack?) has resigned in disgrace from the campaign. Ok, maybe not in disgrace, since these folks seem to have no shame.