Renew America- The Fun Never Stops

My recent obsession with trashing creationists has sadly left our friends at Renew America feeling neglected- I don’t think I’ve made fun of them for an entire week (well, I made fun of Sharon Hughes, but that was for being a creationist, so it doesn’t count).

Damn shame too, ’cause they’ve really been on fire lately. Let’s start with our old friend Barbara Stock and her column “The Power of Islam”:

The power of Islam

Barbara J. Stock
May 7, 2005

People may wonder why I write so often about the War with Islam.

Because you’re lame and you have no life?

There is no “War on Terror.”

Oh. Then I’d better call President Bush and let him know his entire legacy doesn’t exist.

Our war is with the violent ideology of Islam and those that follow that doctrine and there are millions of such followers.

Try a billion, Babs. And if you want to go to war with ALL of them, I suggest you enlist yourself, your kids, your grandkids, and your grandkids’ unborn children right now.

On one hand, we have moderate Muslims denying that Muslims kill and behead innocent people. When they are forced to admit the truth, the argument switches to, “They are not following true Islam.” The problem is this: The terrorists are following true Islam because Islam is founded on fear and violence.

While Christian history is filled with happy, sunshiny things like Crusades and Inquisitions.

Do all Muslims believe in the true teachings of Islam? No, but they believe they do.

Well. That makes sense.

There are many Muslims who truly believe that Islam is a peaceful religion whose followers would never harm a fly. These Muslims probably wouldn’t harm a fly until they are exposed to Muslims who do follow true Islam.

At which point they’ll declare an “insectifada” and launch RPG rounds into local beehives and ant colonies.

Perhaps an example would be appropriate. A perfectly normal British Muslim man went to Saudi Arabia to make his required pilgrimage, called the Hajj. This normal father of a teenaged daughter returned to London a full-fledged Muslim. Just that brief encounter with Arab Muslims turned this man into a killer.

So the minute he picked up Islam Cooties, he was just raring to go on a fly-swatting jihad.

While in Saudi Arabia, this man was convinced by the true Arab Muslims that his daughter was no longer “pure.” He was ordered to kill her to restore his “honor.” So, this man returned to London and slit his daughter’s throat in front of his other children. The two younger children ran screaming from the house covered with their sister’s blood. Their father was convinced their sister was no longer a virgin. The autopsy proved him wrong.

But if the autopsy hadn’t proved him wrong, it would have presumably been OK.

A young, innocent girl is dead. Her younger siblings are forever traumatized and their father is now in prison for life. An entire family was destroyed because of a few fateful days the father spent with Arab Muslims. That is the power of true Islam.

If all Muslims really supported slitting the throats of their children, they would have wiped themselves out years ago. But then again, Muslims are funded by Satan and have the power to bring people back from the dead, so I guess anything’s possible.

Next up, here’s Robert Meyer with an impassioned defense of Tom DeLay:

In the past, the conservative leader of the Senate, Trent Lott, was given the ouster for statements patronizing the late senator Strom Thurmond, at his centennial birthday party. If lauding the career of an old man, can somehow be interpreted as endorsing racism, or at least giving an imprimatur to the decades old segregationist platform upon which Thurmond once ran, then one has to question the seriousness of the current accusations against Tom DeLay.

Hm, well seeing that Thurmond based his entire campaign on segregation, and Trent Lott said that “we wouldn’t have had all these other problems (i.e., black people)” were Thurmond elected President, I think we can infer that he was endorsing racism. And using Robert’s example, we can also infer that Tom DeLay is guilty as hell, and that Robert is a moron.

And because I don’t want to give up trashing creationists completely, here’s Doug Hagin and his column “Evolution or creation?”

There is a raging debate in our schools, which has been going steady for decades now, and I must say it is a debate I cannot understand at all.

You gotta admire a guy who writes an entire column opinining about something he doesn’t understand. If that ain’t intellectual bravery, I dunno what is.

The debate surrounds what our children should be taught concerning the origins of human beings and other animal life. Which should be taught, evolution or creation? It seems, on the surface a fairly simple question.

Since no one alive today was actually around when the earth and life came to be, surely no one of us knows for sure what exactly happened. So why not teach all the various theories if they have scientific evidence to support them?

OK, let’s say I go over to Doug’s house and take a crap in his mouth while he’s sleeping. When Doug wakes up, he’s outraged to find his face encrusted with my poo. He calls the police and has them search his house for clues. They find some of my hair in Doug’s kitchen and my fingerprints in Doug’s living room.

But uh-oh! No one was there to see me enter the house, and Doug wasn’t awake while I was doing my business. So guess what? I go free!

While this may sound juvenile (OK, so it is juvenile… really, really juvenile) it’s a perfect metaphor for what creationists have been doing to the public for years- crapping in our mouths and hoping we don’t notice the smell.


Comments: 19


fish in a barrel


fish in a barrel

But ever-so-much fun.


“Incestifada”? That sounds naughty.


An entire family was destroyed because of a few fateful days the father spent with Arab Muslims. That is the power of true Islam.

Good thing Christians never destroy their entire families because of the influence of religious fanaticism — right, Andrea Yates?


Erm, “Insectifada”?

“Incestifada” would probably be more likely to grace the pages of “The Naughty Musilm” tho.



Gaaaaah, shit, I gotta fix that… should be inseCTifada…


So she’s saying McViegh and Rudolph are Muslims? That would explain their actions, I guess.


Islam stories are the religious right’s “runaway bride” stories


I found his bio the most interesting part of that. He’s 38 and single. It should have read, 38, single, and yet to have that cherry popped. poor guy, he needs to get laid in the worst way.


That Barbara Stock woman really is one stupid, crazy bitch. I mean, damn.


I’m going to pass on saying anything about Barbara Stock because it’s just not worht it.


“…why not teach all the various theories if they have scientific evidence to support them?”

2 points to make here. 1) Do you really want to have ALL theories taught? Or just yours? 2) Show me the scientific evidence that supports creationism. Seriously. Faith is a great thing, don’t get me wrong, but you said “scientific evidence” and let’s face it, there ain’t none. I believe that evolution is the truth, but I don’t see why God couldn’t have made evolution happen. The difference between me and you, bud, is I don’t claim scientific evidence supports my belief that God made evolution happen. I admit that’s just my faith talking.

The big point that I can’t get over with these people, though, was my point #1. They say they want all the “various theories” taught, but I challenge them to put that in action. It’s like what I always thought about Bush’s “faith-based” initiatives. I’ve really got no problem with federal dollars going to religious groups who are doing things like drug counseling, just make sure to make that money available for every religious group that does that, whether Christian, Jewsih, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Zoraastrian, Pagan, or whatever.

Personally, I’d like to learn about how the earth was created in the mouth of a large dragon.

^ that’s a story I wrote about evolution vs. creation. Check it out.

Also, don’t poo in my mouth please

Liberal AND Proud

I can’t comment on the Hughes article. I’m still rinsing my eyes out with Clorox after seeing her picture!!

NEVER link to an article like that without at least a warning!


What I learned from Renew America’s Barbara Stock:

1) Islam is gendered. There is the Islam for Men and Islam for Women. Islam for Men is about recruiting terr’aists. Islam for Women preaches love.

2) Islam is like a virus. Once you come in contact, you cannot escape being infected. There is no inoculation other than the nuclear option.

3) Urban Legends are true. Muslim terr’aists have been sighted right here and some are under your bed and they want to kill you dead. Terr’aists did Oklahoma. Believe it. Be afraid. Be vewy vewy afwaid.

4)All this is Clinton’s fault.

5)It’s all Clinton’s fault.

6)Barbara Stock is a good Christian American who knows all about Life, Universe and Everything because she believes in the one God Christ and he has shown her the way through Love. That spewing was a fine example of her Love.

{I feel really icky and infected now. I need to go home early and take a nice long hot bath with lavender, orange peels, ylang ylang and vetiver.}


“Since no one alive today was actually around when,,, [blah, blah], why not teach all the various theories… [blah]?”

And since no one has ever seen a molecule or an atom with their own eyes, obviously no one really knows if all this “chemistry” stuff has any basis in reality. We should be teaching all the various other theories of matter, like the good ol’ earth, air, fire & water theory! (Though I’m not sure I approve of “air”; has anyone ever actually SEEN air?)


Nobody alive today personally saw Jesus nailed up on a stick.

Therefore it never happened.


anthropomorphized pineapple

Since no one alive today was actually around when the earth and life came to be, surely no one of us knows for sure what exactly happened. So why not teach all the various theories if they have scientific evidence to support them?i>

I can see how with that frame of mind, history of life on earth begins for these goons at 3000 years ago.

Also, there’s scientific evidence that Jeebus Christ died for our sins? If there is no scientific evidence, how can we believe this? Show us the evidence.


It lookd like Robert Meyer learned all about comma placement from fellow Renew America columnist Kaye Grogan.


i’m worried about those believers in True Christianity that blow up abortion clinics.

nope, no parallels there.


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