ButtProp: I’ll See Your Axis of Evil and Raise You an Unholy Alliance
Above: ‘My fingers go where? What keys?’
Over at Butt Propulsion Laboratories, the Head Flatulator has discovered evidence of a dire new plot against American sovereignty, in the form of coke smugglers with funny names.
Mahmoud, Mohamad and Hussein–not the names we traditionally associate with Latin American drug smugglers.
Of course, at the end of the very article the Demethanenator links, it mentions that there is an Arabic community in Venezuela through which the Bush administration believes Islamic terror groups funnel money. But while it may be old, and possibly bogus, news to some, it’s evidence of a new conspiracy to the Gas-Blower:
What we’re seeing here, I think, is another sign of the emerging Russia/Iran/Venezuela axis. This unholy alliance could be the major foreign policy challenge of the next four years
Do what I did: go to the source article, hit command-F, and search for the word “Russia”. You won’t find it, but El Vaporino knows they’re involved somehow, because he came of age under St. Reagan, and he knows that’s where evil comes from. The article does mention Europe, but somehow that doesn’t add up to Belgium or Italy being behind the narco-terror alliance of unholiness. Guatemala likewise gets off the hook, but that doesn’t mean Le Petomaniac won’t stick his nose in South American affairs:
If that’s right, it is dispiriting to realize that we likely will have a President so hostile to America’s ally Colombia that he doesn’t want American manufacturers to be able to sell their goods there free of tariffs.
It’s simply a byproduct of Obama’s inexplicable hostility to our peaceful, human-rights-lovin’ ally Colombia, you see, and not at all because Colombia actually places massive tariffs on us, in excess of $1 billion as of May of this year.
Nor are we sure what his attitude is toward our bitter enemy, Hugo Chavez of Venezuela.
We simply DON’T KNOW! Why, Hugo Chavez, our bitter enemy who has taken the lives of slightly less than two Americans, could be, like, his secret boyfriend or something! For all we know, he could take office and then cede all of New England to Venezuela! There is SIMPLY NO WAY TO TELL!
Moreover, in 2006 Obama’s friend and collaborator Bill Ayers traveled to Venezuela to address Chavez and fellow party members as “comrades” and praise Venezuelan education because it is thoroughly politicized and endeavors to perpetuate socialism.
Bill Ayers yadda blap Obama’s good friend yackity smackity Weatherman terror socialist zzzzzz!
Who has funded Ayers’ radical educational projects? Barack Obama.
Who has actually funded Ayers’ radical educational projects? Former Nixon aide, good friend of Ronald Reagan, and lifelong Republican Walter Annenberg.
It would be nice if, during the next four years, we had a President who 1) understands who are America’s friends and who are America’s enemies, and 2) is on the side of America and its friends. Right now, that doesn’t seem likely.
Yeah, that would be nice, Fartillicus. But it looks like we’re gonna be stuck with this darkie traitor who will hand over America’s car keys to the Commie Nazis of Iranezuela. America: it was fun while it lasted.
Jayzus. What DO these assholes use for brains, and how do they keep from wandering off the edge of the Earth?
I think Legion of Doom would sound much cooler.
Um, buttrocket…
In the fight of their lives, Obama’s playing chess, McCain’s running an egg & spoon race.
So who do you want managing situations, again?
Folks, Buttplug is just being honest in declaring, “at the very first sign of personal danger, I am SO fucking surrendering!”
The honesty is refreshing.
I can’t figure it out: do the Assrockets of the world think they’re just feeding the “noble lie” to the unwashed masses to protect them from their own traitorous selves, or do they really soil their underoos on a daily basis?
America is now facing its greatest threat ever – hordes of greasy, dark HispanoIslamalistic foreigners hopped up on super-drugs, tightly organized by Neo-Soviet Communistical discipline, and given a fanatic sense of purpose by the demonic organizational genius of Bill Ayers and the mighty Weather Underground.
Only Janet Folger can save us now.
Kinda sounds like they’re wishing St. Raygun hadn’t, with awesome vigor and forthitude, singlehandedly ended the cold war.
That picture really needs the caption.
Our Father, Ronald Reagan, ended the Cold War so that his disciples could resurrect it from the dead.
That picture really needs the caption.
Then Madge would powder your nose with Ajax.
What I cannot process is why they insist that this be discussed over and over again, as if there were details that have yet to be discovered. What, exactly, do they think that everyone one else, including some conservatives who have been harping about this for months, have missed? Do they really think Obama shares Ayers’s views on the acceptability of domestic terrorism or even education reform? If not, what’s the problem? Merely that he didn’t spit in Ayers’ face and then have Michelle keep the car running while he lit a flaming bag of dog shit and left it on his door step?
I know it might be expecting to much to have the conservative bloggers out there apply a little sanity to their questions, but how are these people able to function in society and still think such absurd things?
That aside, why are they all such crappy writers?
I’m Able Linkin’, Folks!
John Hinderaker, aka “Assmissile” of the increasingly absurdist Powerline Blog, once described our current President Bush as a “man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius,” and later cooed about his “an amazing record of progress” in Iraq.
D00ds and D00dettes, assrocket is a moron. Always has been, always will be.
I’m rather surprised that these guys haven’t mentioned, in this context, that for years now Hezbollah has been operating rather freely in the lawless border nexus of Argentina, Bolivia and (gasp!) Paraguay, very near to where the Bush Family recently purchased a 100,000 acre ranch that sits directly over the largest, untainted freshwater aquifer in the southern half of the South American continent!
Oh, wait.
You know, snark aside, we’ve reached a point where the saturation of this kind of shit has reached a point where most people can’t, even with the magic great gazoogle, sort out what is right and what is air from the anus of some wingnut. Add in the volume of the right wing wurlitzer and it’s a constant, deafening whine that matches or overshadows real issues, issues that are complex and genuinely difficult to sort out. This isn’t helping our country.
I think some of the wingnuts truly believe the shit they spew, but I think in most cases they are just expressing their profound and utter contempt for the American voter by attempting to sway the electorate with complete nonsense. They look down on their “base” as a bunch of drooling morons. All too often, they are correct in this assessment of their followers; hence, the various terrible situations we find ourselves in as a country today.
All the while the Loadpantses, the Coulters and the Hinderakers are looking down at the base, thinking they can fool alla those people alla the time, they aren’t looking in the mirror, from which drooling morons would be looking right back at them.
I particularly loved it when Paul Krugman linked to Assrocket’s claim that anybody who thought there was a housing bubble didn’t know what they were talking about. It was so simple and elegant but also so devastating.
Bitter Enemy? That pipsqueak Hugo, are you kidding me. Just as Superman didn’t stop bank robbers, the Shinning City on the Hill needs serious enemies, like the USSR or Mtzlplk.
Chavez is our bitter enemy? I thought he was just a funnier version of Castro. I suppose we’d better keep our guard up, lest the mighty Venezuelan army manage to hitchhike their way to the border.
Oh, and what about Spain? Are they officially evil yet?
Oh, and what about Spain? Are they officially evil yet?
We’ll just say that all options are on the table.
I don’t think any of you know how deep this Venezooalien conspiracy reaches. Here in the City of Angles, a Venezooalien person, known to have been photographed with the despicable Hugo “Hugh Jass” Chavez, is about to seize control of the Los Angeles Philharmonic, and based on his history in Venezooalia leading the Simon “The Liberator” Bolivar Youth Orchestra he will spread the evil virus of classical music to many of our youngest and most impressionable citizens.
His name is Gustavo “The Dude” Dudamel. His new organization is already blackmailing money out of our leading citizens for his “programs.” God help us all.
And did you know that Shakira’s ass is actually Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoll’s ass…and that its owner’s father is of Arab descent, even though he’s a Colombian?!?
Someone better tell Ass Rocket quick!
ALL COUNTRIES ARE EITHER GOOD OR BAD. HELP GOOD, DESTROY BAD. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’VE FINISHED THE COURSE. ENJOY YOUR JOB AT THE AMERICAN ENTERPRISE INSTITUTE
My guess is that the farther you go up the hackidaisical chain of wingnut welfare the belief in what they spew factor goes way, way down.
I have to believe this. I mean, are they all really that stupid?
Buttboy had better make it snappy with sexing up that “Unholy Alliance” – since the US & N.Korea are having a wee detente-mixer lately, that “Axis Of Evil” is starting to look mighty fucking lame. Especially since its (remaining) members actually have absolutely bugger-all to do with one another.
I imagine the big boys at SAIC, KBR, Halliburton & Co. are none too delighted by this turn of events … watching their prospects for one new war after another swirl down the boghole, & seeing all those yummy potential no-bid contracts slipping away. Must make for some bad times at the stockholders’ meetings.
Peace is hell.
So I asked Ethnologue about languages spoken in Venezuela. Skimming over Spanish, VSL, 37 living indigenous languages and 6 dead ones, we find that people in Venezuela are speaking
…Catalan-Valencian-Balear, Corsican, Cubeo, English (20,000), Inga (4,000), Latvian, Arabic (110,000), Chinese (400,000)
… not to mention Colonia Tovar German (though J– knows more about them than I do).
Sounds to me like Arabic names in Venezuela are not exactly uncommon.
Don’t tell Le Petomaniac about the German connection, or his mind will mist over with visions of those austere Colonia Tovar Mennonites shouting “Schnell! Englischer Schweinhund!”
What we’re seeing here, I think, is another sign of the emerging Russia/Iran/Venezuela axis.
Do you think we should tell him that Iranians are not Arabs?
Iranezuela may be the most perfect fake word I have ever in my life seen. Brilliant.
…Russia/Iran/Venezuela axis. This unholy alliance…
MY GOD!!!
Not only muslims and papists, but those orthodox guys with the big hats as well.
I like to believe that they honestly believe this stuff, mainly because it confirms my own sense of superiority.
Also, I hope they believe that everyone knows this stuff about Obama and just doesn’t care.
Wingnut pundits: “He’s a secret muslim!. He’s a radical! He’s a socialist! He’s a terrorist sympathizer! He hates America!”
Rest of America: “Well, that may all be true, but at least he’s not a Republican. He’s got my vote.”
You’d think that people who gave a damn about narco-trafficking might notice that the vast majority of Colombian drugs trafficking is in the hands of current or ‘former’ right wing death squad paramilitaries.
They are now partnering with Mexican gangs, and have brought the level of technology up to private submarines which regularly leave Colombia and land on small western beaches of Mexico, primarily in the Acapulco area and other nearby accessible ports.
In Venezuela itself, nearly every time another drug bust is proclaimed, it’s in one of the states bordering Colombia in which paramilitaries travel freely back and forth under separatist right wing Venezuelan governors.
I agree with Candy: the Hindrakers et al aren’t morons, and not that it matters, but I don’t even think they’re true believers. What they are is shamelessly dishonest propagandists (viz). They may rail at maligning the Good People of the Heartland, but it’s they who are the most contemptuously cynical towards them, hence the shameless dishonesty. How many times have we heard wingers saying that if only the War in Iraq was framed better, or if only a certain movie, or columnist, or blog got more exposure the population would be convinced of the rightness of whacko conservativism. Sure, people can be manipulated—70% came to fall for the Saddam/911 connection—but it’s not because most of them are morons, but because they trust their leaders, institutions, and the media. That’s what the Limbaughs and Hindrakers so cynically exploit, and why even the most blatant lies occasionally work.
Hinderaker is able to see past such superficial differences, and adheres to the essential truth that all brownish people are exactly the same.
UK readers (of a certain age) will clearly recognise this hand gesture as a feeble attempt to do an impersonation of either:
(a) Tommy Cooper – “Just like that”
or
(b) Max Bygraves – “I wanna tell you a story”
Blogwhore, blogwhore – I’m surprised the wingnuts aren’t all over the news that Iran is considering preemptive strikes on Israel.
Must be true, ’cause FAUX reported it.
Except, of course, for the little problem that the “seniof Tehran official” FAUX quotes isn’t a “senior Tehran official” at all, but a professor the London Academy of Iranian Studies.
So is this fucknut suggesting … what? We need to declare war on Russia, Iran and Venezuela?
Sure buddy, you go first.
Or maybe the point is if we elect McPalin R/I/V will be so asceered they’ll bow down and offer tribute.
Yeah. Sorry FudBuster, the only danger a McPalin Executive could pose to those guys involves them slipping and hitting their heads while they’re dancing around laughing.
What I’ve always found fascinating about the Right in America is the desire to condense everything they don’t like into a single cause with a single leader despite all their difference, sort of like a Legion of Doom. This is especially true in the Religious Right, the prototype for everything the rest of the Republicans do, where they connect such widely disseperate phenomena as drug abuse, crime, belief in evolution, secularism in general, and violence on television to Secularity (a conspiracy ultimately headed by Satan himself).
It’s all because there’s a certain type of mentality that has trouble with nuance. In retrospect, this may be why Iraq was fucked up as badly as it was: if you believe in a global conspiracy of secularists headed by Satan (who is secretly also behind Islam as well) it’s easy to forget there are two different kinds of muslims, neither of which like each other.
To be honest, you get that “The Man,” thinking on the left as well. However the average radical lefty can point to some verifiable evidence that forms the basis for their Grand World-Wide Conspiracy.
The fReichtards begin and end with “People who aren’t exactly like me! Oh Noes!”
Chavez is our bitter enemy?
Well, yeah. I mean, after all, he called Bush names. Axis of evil!
Gustavo “The Dude” Dudamel. His new organization is already blackmailing money out of our leading citizens for his “programs.”
And just imagine who serves on his board!
You’d think that people who gave a damn about narco-trafficking might notice that the vast majority of Colombian drugs trafficking is in the hands of current or ‘former’ right wing death squad paramilitaries.
The Reuters article Hinderaker cites indicates the people arrested work for the “Norte del Valle cartel and for outlawed paramilitaries.” He even quotes in full the paragraph in which this is stated, oblivious to the fact this completely undermines his claim that this is damning news for Chávez. Wingnut Writing requires better selective citation of sources, Mr. Hinderaker.
… not to mention Colonia Tovar German
I’m afraid the number of German speakers in Tovar is declining. I don’t think the language is being passed on to younger generations. The strawberries are still delicious though!
And just imagine who serves on his board!
I see Bill Ayers’ name is on there, written in invisible ink.
Then Madge would powder your nose with Ajax. – henry lewis
Palmolive meets Up In Smoke. Well played sir.
the Shinning City on the Hill needs serious enemies, like the USSR or Mtzlplk. – MobiusKlein
Christ on a cracker, don’t give them any ideas. We’ll be invading the Fifth Dimension next.
Ya know…I’m considerably older than Ass-Missile, and I’m supposed to be the one to be crotchety, conservative, paranoid and mind-locked. Yet, I feel nothing but contempt for him and his ilk, the stupidity, the vapid arrogance, the laziness of thought (and even lazier lack of research), the bone-thug ignorance. I once thought that we old farts should be aware and accepting that the world is for the young, but if this is the example of those who are younger and who are about to claim the world, then I will have revise that opinion. I believe they may have closed Alcatraz too soon.
“And just imagine who serves on his board!”
OMG, it’s Wallis Annenberg. The daughter of Walter Annenberg, who had William Ayers on *his* board. The LA Philharmonic – Terrorists!!!!
You know, it’s kind of funny — I really need to start keep track of the precise lines, word usages and turns of phrase that invariably lead me to think “this sounds like Leonard,” and scroll up to see if it is, in fact, your work. Today, it was the line containing the phrase “gas-blower.” Don’t ask me why.
the Rand Corporation, in conjunction with the saucer people –under the supervision of the reverse vampires are forcing our parents to go to bed early in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner… We’re through the looking glass, here, people…
I would like to know who did more damage to U.S. government property, William Ayers or John McCain?