I once did this thing by almost doing it
John McCain, not quite at the stage yet where he’s started singing Supertramp’s Take A Look At My Girlfriend at campaign events, figures his audience won’t know the difference between actually and almost:
Republican John McCain told voters in this key electoral state Tuesday he was personally tested by the same kind of crisis that Democratic vice presidential nominee Joseph Biden warned Barack Obama will almost certainly face if elected president.
McCain recalled being ready to launch a bombing run during the October 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis, which Biden said over the weekend tested a new President John F. Kennedy and was the template for the kind of “generated crisis” the 47-year-old Obama would face within six months of taking office.
“I was on board the USS Enterprise,” McCain, a former naval aviator, said in the capital city of Harrisburg. “I sat in the cockpit, on the flight deck of the USS Enterprise, off of Cuba. I had a target. My friends, you know how close we came to a nuclear war.”
Being actually tested would have meant having been sent on a bombing run. Saying you were tested because you sat in the cockpit is like saying you played in the World Series because you stood in the on deck circle as your team won the game. You didn’t do anything that would amount to being tested, unless your idea of a test is that you managed to find the seat on your airplane. Few baseball players are remembered for outstanding post-season performances that consisted of standing in the on deck circle.
Setting the bar low is of course nothing new for McCain/Palin, a line the “liberal” media is only too happy spin:
Let us stipulate this right off: Sarah Palin won her debate with Joe Biden. She won, it is true, by not imploding, but a win is a win. Though the polls have given the evening to Biden on substance…
Which is essentially Jon Meacham of Newsweek saying: sure people who watched the debate say Biden won, but according to a meaningless and ridiculous standard adopted by me and countless other talking idiots on the TV and writing idiots on the internets, Palin too did win. We can’t wait for Palin to devote her time to energy independence:
“That’s been my forte as the governor of an energy producing state and as a former chair of the, of the energy regulator — entity up there in Alaska,” she said.
PS: Has The Daily Show stopped trying to be funny? It seems that all the energy goes into collecting clips, with nothing left over for jokes. Unless of course by joke one means Jon Stewart laughing at the clips.
Unless of course by joke one means Jon Stewart laughing at the clips.
Hey, I laugh along at home …
Being ready & willing to Nuke another country isn’t my idea of “ready”, but it appears Johnny liked the idea even then.
PS: Has The Daily Show stopped trying to be funny?
Well, I mean, can you really improve on perfection?
In defense of Jon Stewart: He pointed out that the criteria for Sarah to “win” the debate was to Pass a Roadside Drunk Test. Heh, good one.
“Though the polls have given the evening to Biden on substance”
Ah, right, that insignificant little… thing.
When confronted with a pair of aces like Sarah Palin, the Daily Show really has no option but to fold. How can you compete with a vice-presidential candidate who STILL doesn’t know what a VP does? Hell, even Tina Fey’s writers had to fold — when she made fun of the Couric interview, they didn’t even bother to give her something original to say; she just quoted Sarah Palin!
The Daily Show has always been uneven when it comes to bringing the funny, but Jon’s rant on Monday was really good.
Hey, McCain sat in the cockpit without crashing and/or setting the Enterprise ablaze. That’s a win in my book.
In a sense, you’re both winners. But in another, more accurate sense, Barney is the winner.
You’re right. Being prepared certainly has nothing to do with being tested.
Um, as long as you think “being ordered to fly a strike mission in a war” and “ordering the strike missions that start a war” are exactly the same thing…
mikey
It might be funnier if The Daily Show offered Palin a job. As it is, they’ll probably have to give her some sort of writing credit.
Hey, could Palin conceivably win a comedy Emmy?
Which “test” did McCain pass? The finishing at the bottom of his class test? Or the losing 5 planes and getting captured test?
You guys are taking McCain out of context! He’s not talking about the fact that he, personally, killed Fidel Castro and all his Viet Cong minions with his bare hands (though he did do that) – he’s talking about the fact that he was on the fucking USS Enterprise. Who’s a better person to learn crisis management from – William Ayers or Captain James T. Kirk? I rest my case.
we kept our composure and aped the standard image of a laconic, reserved, and fearless American at war.”
That gives me shivers.
Oh wait, I’m laughing.
I think that the main problem with The Daily Show is that they’ve lost all of their good writers and correspondents over the years and haven’t had any success replacing them.
Which “test” did McCain pass? The finishing at the bottom of his class test? Or the losing 5 planes and getting captured test?
I know how to win wars! As evidence, I refer you to the fact that I screwed up in a war that we lost. Wait, that came out wrong.
McCain was also tested on the Forrestal: http://judicial-inc.biz/82jjohn_mccain_and_the_uss_forresta.htm
As regards the vice-presidential debate, I declare myself the winner as I skipped it to play “Civilization Revolution” on the X-Box and afterward have sex with my boyfriend.
From the link: “The Zionists cooked the Forrestal story for a reason. They said McCain was on the catapult, but video shows he wasn’t.”
Yes, the Zionists.
It seems that all the energy goes into collecting clips, with nothing left over for jokes.
The funniest guy I know (Chuck Smith of Woodbridge, fwiw) couldn’t make up anything funnier than the reality of McCain/Palin.
I think that the main problem with The Daily Show is that they’ve lost all of their good writers
Say, you don’t think they went to work for…naw, it couldn’t be. They weren’t that good.
From the link: “The Zionists cooked the Forrestal story for a reason. They said McCain was on the catapult, but video shows he wasn’t.”
My bad for not reading more closely, and my apologies.
No, this is a
goodgreat strategy for JiSM3. Cuban Missile Crisis? That was what, a thousand years ago? You know what else happened in 1962? The Rolling Stones got together.For most of America, the Cuban Missile Crisis was a boring lesson in High School history class – and John McCain is old enough that he was piloting bombers back then. That’s a winner right there. Sure pilots are cool – but we’re talking about 1962 cool – we’re talking Fonzie cool.
Hey, could Palin conceivably win a comedy Emmy?
Is there a swimsuit competition?
So being ready to fly a plane on a mission is the same as making a decision that might provoke a nuclear war? Good to know. It sure increases the pool of future presidential candidates.
“I sat in the cockpit of my Sopwith Camel, on the flight deck of the USS Enterprise, off of Cuba. I had a target.
Fixded.
Is she competing against Julia Gorin?
Wow, we were that close to having Maverick John crash on Cubian soil and spend 5.5 years in a Cubian prison. That was close.
Is everyone familiar with the audio tracks from Grand Theft Auto 3?
I keep thinking of the voice of the little kid in an ad for the Degenotron;
“Granpa, no one wants to hear your stupid Viet Nam stories!”
Hey, could Palin conceivably win a comedy Emmy?
Wrong Palin
(Pace John Cleese)
Being actually tested would have meant having been sent on a bombing run.
No, being tested would have meant having anything to do with strategic or tactical decisions, not just sitting around following orders. If he had actually gone on the bomber run, then he would have been tested…as a fighter pilot, not as a commander.
Reminiscing about a past near-miss with nuclear war — albeit one that was avoided because grown-ups were in charge — is a helluva way to reassure the voters.
As former active service (USMC), I am highly insulted that McCain would liken his following of an order to almost take an action to the kind of test contemplated by Joe Biden. The test was what to do in the crisis and what order to give the young followers like McCain, whose task was to wait and serve (or “stand and wait”, as the poet says). The crucible is there for the leaders and those with whom such decisions rest; the only crisis faced by McCain, according to his story, was not pooping his flight suit or otherwise messing up the orders he received. Yes, I honor McCain’s swrvice, bur not to the point where I mix up service in the following of strict orders with the service required of a true leader making decisions that will affect not only those who entrust to him (or her) their lives and those of their future, but also the lives of a significant portion of the rest of the world. McCain placing himself in the shoes of Kennedy is akin to Vanna White “solving” a puzzle by turning a switch. McCain’s statements show a deeply flawed concept of leadership, and only further reduce him in the eyes of a cogent public.
Sorry for the length of this comment, and the errors while trying to tap on a cell phone, but I just could not hold back. Mere snark wasn’t going to do it, for once. Semper Fi, to those who truly understand its meaning – and even to those who don’t .
“46 years ago I was willing to follow orders, even if they led to nuclear way, and I’m equally willing to obey my bosses today!”
It turns out that he was really on the shuttle deck of the Enterprise, ready to bail in case Kirk’s crazy scheme of intercepting the Soviet missiles with phasers didn’t work.
Um… little fix there.
That was my first thought, too. Even if he was tested in a crisis forty-six years ago, it throws into relief the fact that he was getting ready to bomb Cuba into the Stone Age when Obama was still in diapers.
But I think this thing they have is rising to the level of an actual strategy. McCain has experience with nuclear war, because he had a target during the Cuban Missile Crisis; Sarah Palin has foreign policy experience because Wasilla City Hall is only 1500 miles or so from part of Russia; Obama is a terrorist sympathizer because he got a campaign contribution from a Weatherman. Apparently, according to the McCain campaign, having once been sort of close to something is now exactly the same as experiencing that thing.
then he would have been tested…as a fighter pilot
And he was, he was. Tested as a fighter pilot. And we all know how well that went.
I’m still laughing at the Daily Show, but I think that they are trapped in a period in which reality is pretty much beyond parody. No one could have written the true story of the McCain-Palin crew; it defies reason. And yet there it is.
I must be losing my sense of humor. I don’t find Sarah Palin funny in any possible way. Horrifying, loathsome, smarmy, insufferably smug, idiotic, a pandering demagogue, a faux populist, an exhibitionist, tone-deaf and sociopathic — yes. But funny? I don’t get that at all.
MzNicky,
I think it’s one of those “laugh to keep from crying” sort of things.
Speaking of funny on The Daily Show, this is one of the best segments I’ve seen lately.
“I sat in the basket of my Montgolfier balloon, on the deck of the USS Constitution, off of the coast of Panama, ready to protect the soon-to-be-completed canal”
Fixed again
Wow, we were that close to having Maverick John crash on Cubian soil and spend 5.5 years in a Cubian prison. That was close.
Oh NO! That would have been 11 years in two prison camps! We would have to cede the coronation to him!
“I sat on my porch swing near the deck of the British tea ships off of the coast of Boston, ready to protect the Colonies from those damned laterns in North Church tower…HEY YOU KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN!!!”
Refixed.
I must be losing my sense of humor. I don’t find Sarah Palin funny in any possible way.
Oh, I do. I might feel differently if, you know, she had any chance of winning, however.
For most of America, the Cuban Missile Crisis was a boring lesson in High School history class.
Ah, yes! The Cuban Missile Crisis! For better or worse, the adults in my one-decade-long life had always represented safety and security and were the basis for my assumption that everything would always be alright. Then, suddenly, for days on end every damn last one of ’em were white as ghosts, shuffling around in a daze, jumping at every sudden noise and constantly crapping their pants – literally scared shitless and apparently convinced that the end was nigh. Oh, yeah! Good times!
Of course, a bit more than a year later, at a no-longer-quite-so-innocent age eleven, it got even better! Every adult in tears over a President shot to death and the most somber Sunday morning church service I can remember. After which I got to go home and watch Lee Harvey Oswald gunned down LIVE on teh teevee!
Hmmm. Perhaps that’s why I’m not particularly attracted to “reality television” or particularly skeptical/apathetic about rumors of a US attack on Iran.
So, yeah, “boring history lesson.” Or, as David Sedaris might say, “That’s where the broken glass comes in.”
Has The Daily Show stopped trying to be funny?
Never ceased to be. They just can’t help changing the recipe: McCain and Palin and Pfotenhauer and everybody else are such jokes that all you need to do is add a punchline and Bob’s your uncle! – half an hour of killer material.
. . . . reality is pretty much beyond parody. No one could have written the true story of the McCain-Palin crew . . . .
I don’t think even Will Ferrel could’ve gotten this script greenlighted for a summer release.
“but I think that they are trapped in a period in which reality is pretty much beyond parody. No one could have written the true story of the McCain-Palin crew; it defies reason. And yet there it is.”
Yes, I have believed for some time that somewhere along the way we all slid into a parallel reality where life was being written by SNL writers and we have all become part of a huge comedy sketch. And like SNL, sometimes funny, sometimes not so much. I, for one, want to go back!
McCain (almost) fought the Turks at Lepanto. That’s why he knows so much about how to defeat Islamic extremism.
I very nearly almost sort of spent five years in Darius’ prison.
Perhaps “boring lesson in High School history” wasn’t the most diplomatic way of describing an event that nearly triggered nucular annhilation. Doesn’t change the fact that that is what it is.
Same with almost all of WW1 and all the bits of WW2 that weren’t made into movies or video games. Lots of people, myself included, have no sense or understanding of history unless a really hot actress is playing the lead’s love interest. Shameful? I guess so.
Anyways, that sitting on the flight deck story is in fact actually older than Sarah Palin. What does that mean? It means that for the vast majority of people hearing it, John McCain is one old geezer.
You know, I think you may have noticed that many Sadly No’ers have been saying some pretty nasty things about me lately. And you know, I couldn’t agree with them more. I couldn’t disagree with you. I couldn’t agree with you more than the fact that Sadly No is the most patriotic, most god-loving, most, most patriotic part of America, and this is a great part of the country.
Less than two weeks now.
Two weeks.
Then I can finally go home.
And sleep.
The nightmare is almost over.
Why can’t you ever give this Great American Hero the credit he deserves? Not only did he have to find the seat, he also had to find his ass to put in the seat. But nothing is good enough for you commie fascists.
Remind me: In which fighter wing did Obama serve?
Oh, yeah, right. Nevermind.
This is a joke, right?
I’m just not certain that Gov. Palin, Jonah Goldberg, Rep. Bachman, Sen. Thune, Kathryn Lopez, George W. Bush, or etc. didn’t really say this with a straight face.
I’m pretty sure it’s a joke.
If a Repug said it with a straight face then the joke’s on them because William Shatner’s Canadian, just like Michael Moore! Ha!
In which fighter wing did Reagan serve?
Hey, goober …
Do you need some help finding your point?
In which fighter wing did George W. Bush serve?
Was McCain actually in a “fighter wing”? I thought he was a bomber pilot.
Remind me: how many planes has Obama destroyed through his own recklessness and/or carelessness?
Oh, yeah, right. Nevermind.
goob,
I guess you missed the point. What the fuck does flying airplanes have to do with being president?
She’s all that you say and worse, but I find her very frigging hilarious as an agent of karmic justice for the right wing.
Palin is pretty clearly positioning herself to run in 2012, and the religious whacko base of the Republican Party has whole-heartedly committed itself to her and is unlikely to give up on her for the foreseeable future. At the same time, other Repub factions are appalled by her, including the plutocratic power-brokers who actually run the Party. And they have good reason to be appalled – she has an approval rating lower than Quayle at his lowest, she has the political skills of a glob of algae, and she has virtually zero chance of winning a general election.
She’s quite likely to cause the Republican Party to tear itself apart, and that’s a prospect that makes me all giggly.
Well, yeah, that would make her a lot less amusing.
Unamerican Moslem socialist traitor Barack Hussein Obama evaded the draft by being born in 1961!
I want to revise and extend my remark
I call fake Goober.
I’m pretty sure it’s somebody trying to make Goober look dumb … er.
That’s not you, Goober, is it?
(Are conservatives just acting this dumb to confuse us and to activate our misunderestimation glands?)
There’s a real Goober?
What the fuck does flying airplanes have to do with being president?
That’s pretty much what I said. Bob Schieffer didn’t seem to take kindly toward it, though.
She’s all that you say and worse, but I find her very frigging hilarious as an agent of karmic justice for the right wing.
She is Bob Dornan in Tina Fey’s clothing.
What the fuck does flying airplanes have to do with being president?
Both President Bushes were fighter pilots.
So apparently flying airplanes selects for shitty presidents…
mikey
Remind me: In which fighter wing did Obama serve?
The Crashington McSonoftheAdmiral wing. Wait, that was the other guy.
There’s a real Goober?
Yes. But he spells it “g-o-a-t-b-l-o-w-e-r.”
Real Presidents wait until September to fail their national security tests.
(I forget when we fubared wrt our guys McCaining into China)
John McCain passed the Kobayashi Maru test, but he was fifth from the bottom.
The Cuban Missile Crisis, where two superpowers were poised to unleash nuclear annihilation on the world, a fate narrowly avoided by cool headed thinking on both sides.
Cool headed thinking. John McCain. These two concepts don’t fit well together.
If McCain had been president then, how do you think it would have worked out?
I strongly recommend the GOP remind voters of the necessity for coolness and rationality in crisis management.
Hmm, that sounds awful handy … let’s see: I was ALMOST born rich, therefore I AM rich.
Nope. Doesn’t seem to work.
Damn.
Needs more magical wish-granting monkey’s-paw.
I flew B-52s in Strategic Air Command. I used to sit alert with live nukes (big ones) and real targets on a regular basis.
I can’t say that I ever considered that a big qualification for Chief Executive.
Was McCain actually in a “fighter wing”? I thought he was a bomber pilot.
In Navy terminology he was in an Attack Squadron (air to ground) which had a “VA” prefix while a Fighter Squadron (air to air) had a “VF” prefix.
An attack plane (A-4 Skyhawk) looks a lot like a fighter plane (F-14 Tomcat) but they do different jobs. It may even carry air to air weapons for self defense but its primary job isn’t to fight other airplanes.
It’s even more confusing in the Air Force because an A-10 pilot will still be referred to as a “Fighter Pilot”.
The term “Bomber” is normally applied to big airplanes like my old B-52.
I used to know someone who would, about once every year, go around for about a month telling people that he had recently had a “cancer scare.” To him, a cancer scare meant that he had woken up one morning with an ingrown hair or a stomach ache and then immediately jumped to the conclusion that he might have cancer. He’d go to the hospital, where of course the doctor would tell him that nothing was wrong with him, and then he’d proceed to tell anyone who’d listen that he’d just gone through a cancer scare.
Thanks for the follow-up, MajorKong, although I can’t say I’ve gotten the distinction down… But McCain wasn’t in _Top Gun_-style dogfights, right? That’s what I picture when I hear “fighter pilot.” That and the greased-up volleyball matches.
The A-1 Skyraider he was flying off the Enterprise was a propeller plane and looks like something out of World War II. They were long since retired even when I went to pilot training.
The A-4 Skyhawk he was flying in Vietnam was a small jet that was mostly used for ground attack.
Unless you’re talking to someone involved in military aviation you wouldn’t be out of line to call him a “fighter pilot”.
Completely irrelevant: the first President Bush wasn’t a fighter pilot, he flew a torpedo aircraft. (Even more dangerous.)
If we’re so keen on pilots, is it time to bring back George McGovern? He burned even more civilians to death than John McCain!
I think we all know where this is going.
Palin/Huckabee 2012!!1!
We’re going to get a third party in this country, but not the one we ever expected. If Palin goes on The Colbert Report, we’re all fucked.
I’m just wondering who did more damage to U.S. government property, William Ayers or John McCain?
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