I’m Takin’ Bets

OK, kids, here are the odds on which Townhall pundit will be the first to say the “runaway bride” fiasco was caused by feminism, gay marriage, the decline of Judeo-Christian values, or some combination thereof:

Ann Coulter- 2:1
Ben Shapiro- 4:1 (3:1 if you include cross-dressing as the potential culprit)
Dennis Prager- 5:1
Michelle Malkin- 6:1
Doug Giles*- 10:1

Place your bets in the comments. Winner will receive Hemlock Echo’s greasy thong.

*Doug will probably say that groom-to-be John Mason wasn’t enough of a “hyper-manly-Jesus-on-steroids Christian” like Doug, and that he should have stoned his wife at the first sign of disobedience.


Comments: 28


I vote that
Shapiro—Gay Marrriage
Prager—Gay marriage/Judeo-Vhristian Values
Giles–Gay Marriage/feminism


Dudes, I bet Doug will be the first to muster any kind of a reaction to this, followed closely by Magalagongal. The others all have working agendas that skew their thoughts to yet more bizarre realms. Word up.


Oh, it has to be Coulter. She’s blamed feminism for things bizarrely in the past.


Lesee, today is Tuesday, which means that Ben and Michelle’s columns are due out tomorrow, so it will probably be one of them.

If it is, I’m going to guess that Ben will say the runaway bride (and the Wendy’s chile finger woman and the “buried treasure” roofers) are all signs of how our secular culture is causing people to go to hell. The cross-dressing will be another demonstration of this fact.

If Michelle mentions the bride, it will be to point out how easy the bride could have crossed the border into Mexico, then came back as an illegal alien terrorist and killed us all as we slept.

However, Kathleen Parker could be the winner, since she doesn’t need a excuse to just talk about crap.


I’m taking a long shot with KlO.


I’m betting on Malkin, though somewhere in there she’ll discover that a groomsman was an illegal Mexican alien, who the runaway was heading to meet in New Mexico. But, to Michelle’s delight he was caught by a Minuteman en route, made to model T-Shirt’s with Malkin and a slew of Minuteman pictured on it, and broke the bride’s heart when he did not arrive at the designated place, so she surrendered.


All of ’em will touch on it one way or another, anything to distract from the miserable few weeks Dear Leader is having.


I suspect that Coulter will blame the socialst Greyhound system, Malkin will blame Richard Gere and “Holyweird”, and since Prager is always a few weeks behind on the news, he will still be blaming the hispanic who allegedly abducted her. So, that leaves Shapiro.

And if I win, what do *I* get?


that’s no sophistry socrates…….what is the prize?


I agree it will be the closeted gay preacher Giles. Or maybe not, I just like mentioning that Doug Giles is a flamer.


No no, she was mentally damaged by her abortion, it made her crazy.

yeah, “right”.


No votes for Perfesser Mike Adams, Sooper Jenius? He could blame it on wussy gun control advocates, because if she had had a concealed weapon, she could have just waited for the opportune moment and blasted her way out of the wedding. Or just showed that she had it, because like John Lott’s friend Mary Rosh says, that’s just as good.


Well, it was Debra Saunders, and she blamed it on our country be too wimpy and forgiving and stuff. But Michelle Malkin and Kathleen Parker got distracted by Laura Bush’s jokes about “milking the horse,” or I’m sure they would have blamed the bride’s bolting on Bill Clinton.


Oh, and Hemlock should get a prize because Michelle DID blame Hollyweird, only it was for the potty mouths at Southpark.


Malkin, it happened because those goddamn illegals are free to roam the country and have been given a green light to kidnap nice white christian girls.


While I believe taking odds on anything is appropriate and entertaining, there is no mention of odds that “No Townhall Columnist will mention it.” The reason? It would be 1-1 (at best; 3-5 is more like it). All this hyperfulminating on which columnist would likely to produce a piece is somewhat entertaining given their editorial proclivities, but the reality is none of them will. Your odds, though amusing, fail to take that possibility into account.

Most people believe this should, at this point, be a matter to be dealt with between the couple. So, when you post odds that “no one will comment”, I will place my wager.


I’m going for the golden bullet and saying none of them mention it. First Comedienne Laura’s jokes were just so good that they’ll continue to be the topic of the week, along with renewing the Patriot Act. Besides – missing white woman obviously killed and kidnapped by her fiance = lots of stuff to talk about. However – white woman who lied about running away = damned liberals need to just forget about Desperate Housewives. There’s nothing wrong with that show!

Trust me, after all, I continue to be thycwoti.


Dammit Chris! you post at the same time as me and steal my theory!


Your odds, though amusing, fail to take that possibility into account.

*sigh* that was kinda the point.

But I’m still holding out for Ann. She blamed Abu Ghraib on feminism, she can pull this one off…


All this hyperfulminating on which columnist would likely to produce a piece is somewhat entertaining given their editorial proclivities, but the reality is none of them will.

Um, Chris, as I mentioned previously, Townhall columnist Debra Saunders’ piece for today is about the Runaway Bride. So, I guess you owe Brad $20 now.


On a more (or less) serious note: can someone explain the Runaway Bride meme to me?

Obviously this episode resonates deep in the right wing psyche – but I’m apparently genetically incapable of understanding it.

What exactly elevates this only mildly interesting story to a Wingnuttia passion play?


The factors that elevated the runaway bride into the wingnutosphere are the same factors that made it a news story in the first place: A relatively attractive white suburban woman disappeared right before she was supposed to marry a relatively attractive white suburban male who, by all public appearances, is prepared to love her unconditionally. According to the rules of wingnuttia, there is no plausible or acceptable reason for her to do this. That’s why there was the fascination with the big search (because, of course, it couldn’t be cold feet, it had to be foul play). They were all looking for the next angelic martyr. Now it turns out that it was cold feet. No martyr, just a woman who decided to kick her way out of the marriage chute. That’s why the wingnuts are now all convinced that she should be prosecuted and should have to pay for the search costs.

Tony the Pony

Did Deb Saunders just do it? She blamed “liberals” for …. something.

Actually I can’t tell what she’s talking about.


Coulter will say that the runaway bride should now run for office as a liberal Democrat because she (a) took a dump on traditional marriage, (b) lied, and (c) caused huge amounts of taxpayers’ money to be spent.

Sorry, I wish that were funny.


Oh, and Coulter will also say the bride’s a liberal because she blamed a Hispanic. (Coulter, who despises Muslims and called the black teenagers who were falsely convicted of raping the Central Park jogger “animals” and “savages,” also says that only Democrats are racists.)


Since it happened in ex-urban Gwinnett Co., GA, why not blame it on those warped Red State values?

Ima SexualFantasy

What exactly elevates this only mildly interesting story to a Wingnuttia passion play?

Any non-event can be made into the basis of a hateful screed after their perverted sexual fantasies are entwined with reality. White woman goes the long way to the store? White woman was abducted by drug crazed illegal aliens, gang raped (insert graphic detail here), is impregnated, forced to undergo an abortion while reading Mao’s little red book, while right wing half brains spew in orgasmic delight.


Well, the first take is up!

From Debra Saunders,


She doesn’t seem to blame anything but wants to see the bride go to jail, (clearly a danger to society)

She also says “It’s odd how the left sees the devout as being harsh and inflexible, yet here Mason and his spiritual mentors are dismissing this cruel act as a simple mistake”

So I guess she’s being a liberal by wanting the woman to go to jail?

Brain asplode…


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