Making Her Sadly, No! Debut: Linda Kimball

I wasn’t gonna blog again today, but I discovered this stunning column by Linda Kimball that simply had to be shared. For your reading enjoyment, I give you… “Who is ‘Queering’ America and Why?”

Linda’s column starts off the way all unimaginative wingnut columns start- by quoting the dictionary:

Who Is ‘Queering’ America And Why?
By Linda Kimball

In the “American Dictionary Of The English Language, 1878,” Noah Webster defined buggery as “a crime against nature; the unnatural and detestable crime of carnal intercourse of man or woman with a beast or of human beings unnaturally with each other; sodomy.”

And I define “closet case” as “someone who is alternately repulsed by and obsessed with gay sex.”

And up until approximately 40 years ago all Americans believed that sodomy was unnatural and destestable…

Well, except for the Americans who were engaging in sodomy. They probably thought it was pretty nifty.

…and our society was such that it required people who engaged in it to keep that behavior out of ‘sight,’ and most importantly, away from our children.

Uuuuuh, I’m pretty sure it’s still illegal to commit sodomy in public, Linda.

So how is it that in a relatively short time span Americans have not only come to accept sodomy as something ‘natural, normal, and healthy’ but are allowing their children to be instructed on how to become, in effect, ‘buggerers’?

Linda, I dunno what perv secularist school you send your kids to, but in my high school, anal sex was only offered as an elective…

The subversion and perversion of American social mores didn’t occur either naturally or honestly. It was slyly contrived at by morally insane intellectuals and their acolytes.

Moral insanity is not to be confused with intellectual insanity, which is caused by chemical imbalances and such.

And being unbalanced and insane, Linda knows what she’s talking about.

Morally insane people retain their intellectual powers but set their will toward evil.

So they’re kinda like Magneto to James Dobson’s Professor X.

They refuse to yield to the demands of their consciences and they discard their obligations of moral responsibiity towards everyone but themselves and the selfish ends they are in pursuit of. They follow dreams of their own fancy. They act as if truth were lies and lies were truth. Reality is redefined and redescribed to suit their pleasures and ungodly desires.

OK, I’m bored. Get to the point.

America’s morally insane prevaricaters are the souless progeny of Lenin, who said, “(we) repudiate all morality that proceeds from supernatural ideas (religion)…..everything is moral that is necessary for the annihilation of the old, exploiting social order…” (end quote)

That’s me all right! I went out this morning and sodomized a squirrel just to stick it to Judeo-Christian values (not to mention the squirrel).

In other words, Natural Law, moral standards, truth, wisdom handed down through the ages, commonsense…..all are swept aside or perverted in favor of the evil whims, fancies, and lies conceived of in the corrupted minds of Lenin’s maddened sons and daughters in order that they can annihilate America’s traditional social order.

And as we all know, the final goal of revolutionary Communism is to liberate the proletariat with free sodomy.

The strategic goals being implemented within America by America’s communist subversives were articulated in 1963 by the Hon. A.S. Herlong, Jr. of the Fla House of Representatives and are in the Congressional Record, Vol 109, 88th Congress, 1st Session.

She then proceeds to read the entire list of “Communist goals” that was discredited by none other than Adam Yoshida.

The preceeding list is a damning indictment against America’s blackhearted sons of destruction.

Man, first we had Kaye Grogan’s “Disproportionate Chaos,” now we have Linda’s “Blackhearted Sons of Destruction.” Who knew that wingnuts were so astute at coming up with names for metal bands?

It clearly evidences their cruel hypocrisy, gross deceptions, lies, and their outright evil. It also demonstrates how very successful they’ve been in underrmining and perverting our culture. In fact, they’ve been so sccessful that our culture has been turned into a sewer. We are not only a promiscuous, porn-saturated, fornicating, diseased culture of divorce, but one that celebrates ‘buggery’ and teaches it to its children.

So Seb… when’s your kid’s first buggery lesson?

Ours has become a ‘culture of death” wherein we mindlessly celebrate killing our unborn as a ‘liberating right’ while simultaneously celebrating the destruction of the traditional family via divorce.

That’s funny, I thought we’d become “a culture of anal sex.”

But we also celebrate with ‘pride’ the extinguishing of life through the depositing of it in the human bodies’ ‘repository for waste matter”.

Ooop, there’s the nod to anal sex! Couldn’t do without that! Incidentally, I had no idea that wasting your jizz was part of “the culture of death,” but I guess you learn something new every day. I refer you to the gospel of Monty Python:

“Every sperm is sacred,

Every sperm is great,

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate!”

And now, back to Linda:

Looking at these deadly statistics, can we believe anything other than that the Left are insane monsters?

Either that or they just really like anal sex. (Of course, in Linda’s world, that amounts to the same thing.)

Our Founders knew well the dangers posed to societies in which sexual license, including sodomy florished.


I’d really like Linda to show me Thomas Jefferson’s detailed essays about the dangers of sodomy, but she won’t because she’d have to pull them out of her ass. And as we no doubt know by now, that would be sinful.

So feared was the corrupting influence of sodomy, that many states imposed the death penalty upon any man or woman who engaged in it (go to link at bottom of page for info).

So Linda wants to impose the death penalty on gay people. If anyone ever calls me shrill for comparing the Christian Right to the Taliban again, I’m pointin’ ’em to this essay.

We now know who is responsible for purposely introducing sodomy, promiscuity, obscenity, porn, and moral degeneracy in general into our culture, and to what ends they’ve done so. And now we must, with grim determination purge our culture of it, eject socialists from public office, and do everything that lies within our power to replace moral degeneracy with moral virtues…….honor, honesty, dignity, fortitude, personal responsibility and accountability, diligence, valor, integrity, fidelity, and self-sacrifice.

And we’ll never be a moral, responsible or valiant nation until we execute sodomites!

OK, I hope you guys enjoyed that, cuz it gave me a really, really massive headache. Reviewing wingnuttery takes its toll on you after a while. But just remember, when she’s on the cover of Time magazine in a coupla years, that you saw her here first…

 

Comments: 42

 
 
 

So they’re kinda like Magneto to James Dobson’s Professor X.

Oh, damn, this sucks, because I have a paper due, and now I’m going to be doing *this* all night instead.

This makes Jesse Jackson just like Wolverine, because he’s got a nasty temperament and sides with the (Democratic) forces of evil some of the time, but in a pinch you can always count on him to stand up for the rights of people lacking functioning cerebral matter and other Christians everywhere.

This could turn into the best game around.

 
 

I had forgotten that the socialist creed was “From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs. And make sure that you give a reach-around.”

 
 

This could turn into the best game around.

I fear you’re right! I call Phyllis Schlafly as Storm!

 
 

Why don’t these people have contact info?

 
 

Jeebus, this woman is obsessed with the butt sex. I can think of two reasons: 1) she really wants it even though it’s sinfullll but her husband thinks it’s filthy and won’t do it, or 2) her husband hits the wrong hole quite a lot.

I think lesbians should feel a bit left out by all the rhetoric against anal sex. Nobody gets all excited about stoning lesbians or girls eating pussy. Maybe Linda and Kaye know their “heads” (remember that one?) don’t disapprove of hot girl-on-girl action, as such, and thus neither do they.

I dunno – trying to come up with logical reasons why these people think they way they do makes me just as nuts as they are.

 
 

Culture of death, culture of anal sex, six of one, half-dozen of the other. Then again maybe Linda’s responding to the classic queer-theory essay by Leo Bersani, “Is the Rectum a Grave?”

Also, calling the anus a “repository for waste matter” just about sets a new standard for the term “anal retentive.” Which leads me to the unfortunate (and unfortunately predictable) question: Linda, what the hell is up your butt?

 
 

But we also celebrate with ‘pride’ the extinguishing of life through the depositing of it in the human bodies’ ‘repository for waste matter”.

*ears perk up* Please, please focus, crazy rightwingers, on the wasting of sperm! The public barely blinks when you rail against women for being sluts. It’s time to go after the men. Then maybe people will get annoyed enough to actually do something.

 
 

It really is the ancient idea that the sperm contains the whole human while the uterus is just an incubator. But yeah, absolutely, I want this to get commercials in wingnuttia. The woman who has to check the cube farm before praying over her sandwich… the kid who has to hide his bible behind a magazine… the man who cries helplessly while his wife takes a shower after sex…

 
 

I’ve gotta say, I missed out going to school in Kansas. Sure, we got the basic chemistry via a parental-approved slideshow (complete with a young pervert giving color commentary), but where were the sodomy courses conservatives are always going on about? Now who will instruct me on deviant sex acts?

And, to add my bit to the X-Men analogy; I’ll call Randi Rhodes as Scarlet Witch, David Horowitz as Quicksilver and Michael Moore? Juggernaut. Bill Clinton could be our En Saba Nur. I’m with Jillian, I could keep this up all night.

 
 

One more before I forget – Al Gore = Mr. Sinister.

I really need more to occupy my time.

 
 

I dunno, I think Michael Moore as the Blob would be more appropriate. Arnold as Collosus (I know, he’s a moderate Republican, but it works too well…).

 
 

It really is the ancient idea that the sperm contains the whole human while the uterus is just an incubator

Well, the uterus is just an incubator- the ova (and I think this is what you were going for), however, is an equal part of the genome (technically, it’s slightly more for males- funnily enough).

 
 

Dammit woman, stop making me look nuts for not wanting to take it up the ass!

 
Socraticsilence
 

Sorry Drew but if you make Gore, Sinister, then the obvious place for Clinton is Apocalypse (bt who the hell is En Saba Nur)?

 
 

En Sabah Nur is Apocalypse. I suppose Hillary is Mystique.

 
 

Man…somebody needs to have some oral performed on her, and stat!

Or…would that be considered sodomy??

 
 

Technically, I think anything non-married missionary falls under the technical definition of sodomy (theologians are no fun).

 
 

I’d be happy to do everything in my power to give Linda Kimball citizenship in Saudi Arabia or Egypt.

 
 

See, *this* is the problem with the home-schooling movement.

The wingers can tell their followers anything at all is going on in the public school system (“Yes! The kindergarten teachers hold DAILY LESSONS on how to commit buggery!”) and those idiots believe it. Why? They have no reality check to place it again.

Also, of course, they are fucktards.

But nothing would help them with that.

 
 

Karl Rove = Puppet Master;
Tom Delay = Grottu, King of the Insects;

Dick Cheney = Hate-Monger;

The Chimperor = Stilt-Man;

Wolfowitz = Paste Pot Pete;

David Horowitz = Straw Man;

Ann Coulter = The Hunger;

 
 

“Nobody gets all excited about stoning lesbians or girls eating pussy.”

Uh, I beg to differ. Stoning lesbians I’m not so hot on, but….

 
 

A couple more:

The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants = the ACLU

The Morlocks = Planned Parenthood

 
 

Catamites! Sodomites! Fornicators! Buggery!

Curses! I’ve been found it! My nefarious plans have been foiled! Sadly, No! rips this wingnut a new orifice, but will she even know? Sadly, No! Making Her Sadly, No! Debut: Linda Kimball I wasn’t gonna blog again today, but…

 
 

Bollocks! I forgot to slip “catamites!” in there at least once. Bugger me!

 
 

But we also celebrate with ‘pride’ the extinguishing of life through the depositing of it in the human bodies’ ‘repository for waste matter”.

Does this mean she wants me to stop jerking off? ‘Cause frankly, I just don’t see it happening.

 
Pope Panzefaust I
 

It really is the ancient idea that the sperm contains the whole human while the uterus is just an incubator

She knows about the homunculus. She must be a witch. Burn her!

 
 

Linda, you also forgot “pederasty”. Tsk, tsk. Do some research: get some junk in your trunk!

 
Charlie Amacher
 

Whoa! good find. Two suggestions for the new “Sadly
No honoree”: Spell checker and more lithium.

 
 

Linda needs to take the The Bible Poop Quiz.

 
 

Goddamnit; now I’m gonna be up all night with this. I’d compare Ann Coulter to Emma Frost, but Emma Frost would probably tear Ann Coulter apart, then beat me to death with her leg for suggesting such a thing. In the classiest fashion possible, of course.

 
 

phew! it’s a good thing no one on the right ever does any of that buggery, aborting, or birth control. and they never get STDs (something else she mentions as “evidence” in her “article” – i would like to have her look up “correlation” and “causation” in that dictionary of hers), especially when they can only learn about abstinence in schools (and take virginity pledges). you can look at the map; red america is just a giant mass of holiness!

 
 

Ours has become a ‘culture of death” wherein we mindlessly celebrate killing our unborn as a ‘liberating right’ while simultaneously celebrating the destruction of the traditional family via divorce.

That’s funny, I thought we’d become “a culture of anal sex.”

I read some study that showed that divorced women are more likely to engage in anal sex, so the two go together like hand in glove (or dick in ass, if you prefer). Of course, last month a study came out showing that girls who take abstinence pledges are more likely to take it up the butt, so apparently abstinence pledges and anal sex go together, too.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/medicalnews.php?newsid=21606

 
 

But we also celebrate with ‘pride’ the extinguishing of life through the depositing of it in the human bodies’ ‘repository for waste matter”.

I think that might be the first wingnut article I’ve ever seen railing against the practice of jerking off into a septic tank.

At least that’s what it sounds like she’s talking about. Either that or she’s REALLY confused about how the rectum works.

 
 


“Nobody gets all excited about stoning lesbians or girls eating pussy.”

Uh, I beg to differ. Stoning lesbians I’m not so hot on, but….

D’oh! Walked right into that..

 
 

Shouldn’t wingnuts be mapped to the Daredevil mythos instead? After all, Matt Murdock’s devoutly religious whilst he’s dressing up like Satan and punching people in the face.

On the other hand, he IS a defense attorney…

 
 

Something nobody here has brought: the whole idea of linking homosexuality to Communism is utter bullshit. In fact homosexuals are usually persecuted in Communist countries; in Cuba, they’re regarded as political dissodents. I’m not aware of any Communist countries that have proscribed the death penalty for gay sex though. Maybe to this lunatic, that’s tolerance.

 
Hysterical Woman
 

Bill S., nobody brought it up because it’s so stupid it isn’t worth mentioning. Wingnuts think that all Evil hangs out together. Communism=bad. Homosexuality=bad. Therefore, Communism=Homosexuality.

 
 

The Religious Right, the Fundies, anyway, do see all ‘evils’ as part of the same ‘conspiracy’, if you will, the action of the Father of Lies, Satan. Thus there is no difference between an evil communist, an evil homosexual, or an evil murderer… there is a bizarre ‘leveling of the playing field’ that makes all ‘evils’ seem equally evil to many of the Fundies ( my father, for instance)… People who honestly cannot differentiate between a murder, where someone tortures and kills an unwilling human being, and buggery, where the events that transpire are not only welcome, but (I gather!) enjoyable to both parties. This kind of ontological, epistemological, and semantic confusion leaves me breathless sometimes.

 
 

Well, “our” “beloved” departed Pope John Paul II had some choice things to say on the subject of evil in his last book. Discussing the greatest evils in human history, in addition to fascism and communism, he included support for gay marriage (of course) and the 18th century’s Enlightenment (surprisingly, not surprising).

So Steve is right. Not just fundie Protestants, but fundies of all stripes are unable to differentiate among things they consider “bad.” Yes, Voltaire=Hitler.

 
 

Home School Nation

Sam Weaver is one of Renew America’s most exciting new talents. In the first place, he looks like a C-grade ’70s porn star: “Howdy ma’am! My name’s Slammin’ Sam Weaver and I’m here to bring you a very special package!…

 
 

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