Magic City News

Magic City News, which publishes Pastor Swank’s work, seems to have a knack for finding kooky, inarticulate pundits (and sadly, some of them are Democrats). Let’s check out the highlights:

First up, we have Matt McDonald and his column “The Greatness of George W. Bush”:

After hearing what the President said in front of the Nation, I was never so proud to called myself a Republican. The President talked about the normal things: the economy, taxes, and jobs; but then he said something that I don’t think I will soon forget. He said, “Over the next several months, on issue after issue, let us do what Americans have always done, and build a better world for our children and grandchildren.” What a statement!

Yeah, if “building a better world for our children and grandchildren” involves trashing the environment, accruing enormous long-term debt and pissing off other countries.

That statement made me realize that we as Americans have a President that is concerned, not only about the issues of today, but of the issues and challanges of tomorrow.

Call me crazy, but I think that’s what a President is supposed to do. As Chris Rock would say, “What, do you want a cookie?”

Next up, here’s Sally Bouchard with her column “Under Attack”:

Any one with standards or high moral values; ethics are under attack from those that have none of the above.

Wait a sec, are ethics under attack from people who don’t have moral values, or from people who aren’t high? I’m confused.

The new Pope wasn’t in office a day before his values were attacked by the same people who told us that character didn’t count, and that what a president did in his personal life was none of our business. One result of that is that the young teens of our nation are having oral sex; they were told that doing that wasn’t sex. Unfortunately they weren?t informed about what diseases they could get, and some of them will have a lifetime of illness.

So every time you have an outbreak of mouth herpes, you’ll know just who to blame: Bill Clinton.

Now let’s visit Stephen Crockett, who has an… interesting… interpretation of justice:

I think that Katherine Harris and Ken Blackwell deserve the death penalty for their actions as state election officials in the 2000 and 2004 elections. Current federal law does not permit the death penalty for their actions and Constitutional restrictions make it impossible to give them the electric chair by changing the law. However, I still believe that their actions in a morally sound legal system would see them on trial for their lives!

So a morally sound legal system would advocate the death penalty for unproven voter fraud allegations. Darn those silly Constitutional restrictions on cruel and unusual punishments.

Sadly, Stephen hosts his own radio show called “Democratic Talk.” I think someone should tell him to stop making us look bad by writing Renew America-worthy buffoonery.

Finally, there’s Paul Streitz. His column is too painful to excerpt here, but I think the title says it all: “Home Depot – the Nation’s Largest Criminal Conspiracy?”

OK, that’s all for me this week. See y’all Monday…


Comments: 8


Based on your frequent references, I finally broke down and read some Pastor Swank. What an eye-opener! Pastor Swank has stumbled onto the reason for all that Viagra/Cialis/Enzyte spam I’ve been getting.
“Instead, the church is languishing with a false hope. This is all orchestrated by the demonic powers in order to eventuate in a
army of believers.”

It’s those pesky demonic powers behind it all!

Freedmon on the march

Here’s another one, verbatim, from Matt Mcdonald:

‘No, when the history books are written on President George W. Bush, his legacy is going to be that of man who helped to spread freedmon and democracy throughout the world’

Some people have wondered whether true freedom can be acheived by a foreign invasion.
But as you can see, Bush is trying to spread ‘freedmon’ rather than ‘freedom.’ hopefully this clears up some of the confusion


Yeah, Bush is very innovative in saying that children are the future. What a statement, indeed!

I get the feeling every passing day contains some banal statement by Bush that blows Matt McDonald’s mind. “Wow, he said ‘God bless America.’ I’ve never been so proud!” “Woah, he said ‘Good morning.’ He wants us to have a good morning! What a statement!”


it’s a plan to spread Thomas freedmon throughout the world


Of course, Matt McDonald was also ever so proud when Clinton said the same thing, and Bush I said the same thing, and when Reagan said the same thing, and when Carter said the same thing…..

Really, of all the inane things Bush has said, be they utterly deplorable, or just mildly irritating, that is the one Matt clings too?? I guess it is true, even Republicans agree, Bush says nothing of value!


Pastor Swank seems to be attempting the Catholic writing style I was force-fed in my youth – lots of jargon, words used in slightly off-kilter ways, trains of jumbled thought presented as logic. Proxima, but it not eventuating in a cigar.


I call mine “The Pope” because the choirboys fall on their knees before it!


Ouch; Sally’s unnecessary and pointy semicolon can only mean one of two things:
a) “I don’t have the slightest idea how to properly punctuate this sentence; perhaps I can bluster my way past by slipping in a rarely-used typewriter keystroke.”
b) “I am completely batshit insane.”


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