Wingnut World Update Featuring Baron Bodissey
by Baron Bodissey
This story is an example of the Demonic Convergence in action: nuclear weapons, the Iranian effort to destroy Israel, Chinese complicity in international terrorism, and the Somali pirates, all rolled into one.
Remember the Iranian ship that was hijacked off the coast of Somalia a few weeks ago?
Pirates who came into contact with the unidentified cargo of the ship became seriously ill, and since then sixteen of them have died of what appears to be radiation poisoning.
Now an account of what happened has been patched together: the Iranian ship was loaded with radioactive sand from China,
and was en route to the Suez Canal and then the Mediterranean.
The goal was to blow it up off the coast of Israel and send a lethal radioactive cloud over the Jewish state during Yom Kippur.
Had it not been for the Somali free-lancers, there’s no telling what might have happened.
Tune in next time for Wingnut World Update.
Superb!
+ 10 million points for Don Martin SFX stickers. I have that issue of MAD from way back when I was a kid.
Oont, groont.
Of course the pirates got sick.
They got scurvy.
It’s what pirates do.
You know…any dastardly international plot which relies on NOT being hijacked off the coast of Somalia was probably thought up by retards. After their daily diet of paint chips.
God damn those Iranians, for being so fiendishly clever, yet so incredibly stupid at the same time. Their cunning idiocy is what makes them so dangerous.
God damn those Iranians, for being so fiendishly clever, yet so incredibly stupid at the same time.
Just like us liberals. It’s why we’re best buddies.
Gary, in the end the Palin candidacy is a symptom and expression of a new vulgarization in American politics. It’s no good, not for conservatism and not for the country. And yes, it is a mark against John McCain, against his judgment and idealism.
This story is an example of the Demonic Convergence in action: nuclear weapons, the Iranian effort to destroy Israel, Chinese complicity in international terrorism, and the Somali pirates, all rolled into one.
He forgot the nefarious DUTCH.
Pirates dying is bad for Global Warming.
Shorter Baron “The Bod”: BLLLOOOOOOGGGGFFFHIGISHN!!!“`11
How the fuck do you blow up SAND? What color is the sky on this guy’s planet?
Damn, it’s Friday, and my cup of schadenfreude overfloweth.
WOoooooooooooooooooo+1!
I fucking lol’d!
Why’d you have to go and post a picture of Bigfoot? Now we’ll never get rid of that cryptozoologist dude.
Good thing those dastardly Iranians forgot to put men with guns on their boat!
I love it when the story requires the bad guys to be both stupid and menacing. It just doesn’t reflect well on the good guys.
Baron Bodissey? This sounds more like the plans of Baron Harkonnen. But as Paul taught us…
“He who can destroy the radioactive sands, controls the radioactive sands.”
But… Why isn’t this Obama’s fault?
Michael G,
Not to mention, I mean, who makes a plan to destroy Israel with radioactive sand and then totally misses the whole thing about using a boat that doesn’t sail under your own flag?
“One. Millllllion. Dollars.”
That’s not even bringing up the part about how going all “Salting Carthage” on that area would kill an awful lot of Muslims, and make the whole point of getting rid of the Jews, taking back the land, rather moot.
Good thing these guys aren’t scriptwriters for a living.
I’ll see your sand extermination expert and raise one Michelle Bachman
I’m betting the next story out of these guys is that the Parliament/Funkenstein mothership has been spotted in orbit, and after Obama’s inauguration Dr. Funkenstein is beaming down to the Chocolate City to shoot all Republicans with his Bop-Gun.
That, or Baron Münchhausen.
I’ll raise another Bachmann.
But… Why isn’t this Obama’s fault?
The way I heard it they were planning to spread that sand all over Myrtle Beach.
And another 10 million points for Rachel Ray in front of the mushroom cloud. As a matter of fact, I think “Mushroom Cloud” is one of her 30 minute meals. Mushrooms, a jar of marshmallow topping, and a smile.
I guess now there is at least ONE good thing done by Muslims in the wingnut history of the world. Of course they did it by accident. Figures.
Meanwhile, at the legion of doom…
doo doo loo doo doo loo loo
You know, I hadn’t breached the Gates of Vienna in some time. It occurs to me from time to time to check all the usual rightwing depots. But that one I had forgotten. I can see now that my brain was trying to protect itself.
I’ll raise another Bachmann.
Good grief – straight outta ’02 with a double helping of McCarthy.
If you ask me, there is a connection between Baron Bodissey and National Gorilla Suit Day….
Atomic Sand Bomb?
Wow.
Mayonnaise Laser Beam.
Fully Automatic High Velocity Spackle.
Intercontinental Ballistic Fudgesicles…
mikey
I’m in love with that Rachel Ray photoshop. That is fucking awesome. If she had a cookbook cover with that on there, I would so buy it.
I just can’t believe it, the US Government paying Somali pirates a $7 million bribe.
Forget the Iranian death ships and the radioactive sand. What I want to know is why the FBI doesn’t investigate Obama’s links to Nazi flying saucers?
when they accosted the pirates one of them was holding a steering wheel down by his mid section. The authorities asked him why and he said “argh! I’m drivin’ me nuts!”
God damn, Gavin–“Failboat,” Yellow Submarine, zombies, Rachel Ray AND that dude who directed the Lord of the Rings movies, all in one post? Your greatest effort yet. A little Photoshop of horrors, a visual feast, an…eyegasm if you will.
I was really down and crabby today until I saw this. Thank you.
Oh, and Don Martin, Bigfoot, and UFOs. It never ends…
That fuckwit screwed once again forgetting the Poles! The fucking blog ius Gates of Vienna fer chrissake, he needs to mnmention the Poles. And bagels – how could he forget the bagels?
Vienna — John Sobieski — bagels! num num num
Sand pirates? I spit on your sand pirates.
Yeah, the bigfoot is pretty awesome, contextually, but the Rachel Ray shoop rules. I’d seriously think about making it my desktop if I could get a bigger version (hint, hint Say, 1024×768. Yes, I’m still using an old laptop.).
I am glad to see that the massed forces of villainy, conspiring to bring down civilisation as we know it, include Lemmy.
I’m just saying
Dude. This is totally a rip-off of an X-Files story arc.
Fail 360º
Nuh-uh!
Cooking With Habaneros, by Rachel Ray.
Raziel, do you like hot chocolate? With minimarshmallows?
So, let’s get this straight… a wingnut is lauding the actions of scary melanin-bearing Islamobuccaneers?
Being a Jack Vance fan, the fact that this doughead calls himself Baron Bodissey makes me want to Rickroll him into the Stone Age!
OMG “all aboard the failboat” just made me laugh so hard I snorted and injured my throat.
put a warning on that sucker, my god.
notice how they stop being pirates and become “free lancers” once they have joined the battle to defeat Islamofascism.
Arrrr. Rrrrrr rrrr rarrrr. Arr.
The fact is, I am so proud that Michelle Bachman called liberals terrorists as she shees them and I hope McCarthyism comes back, I want all the liberals grilled and fired for not saluting the flag or loving USA.
By the Gods, I think I know what the source material for this is, from the deepest depths of some wingnut’s fevered imagination…
Way back in that very brief time when the United States was the only country to posess atomic weapons, Robert Heinlein wrote a string of cautionary tales about the dangers they posed. One of those stories featuring an America that had invented a radioactive dust instead of the bomb.
It goes on to talk about how horrid the weapon was, the ensuing arms race when the Russians turn out to have developed the dust themselves, yada yada yada.
I just couldn’t help but be struck by that tiny little parallel. No wonder they find it so plausible.
From The Times of South Africa:
“The pirates did reveal that they had tried to inspect the ship’s cargo containers when some of them fell sick — but the containers were locked.”
Plus…”Puntland”? It sounds like old-guy hep-speak for temporizing or stalling. “We pitched the campaign for the Crenshaw account and suddenly they have budget issues. We don’t know whether to scale back or re-do or what. So we’re in Puntland.”
Why sand? The thing about sand is that it falls out of the air. Not ideal stuff for creating a “lethal radioactive cloud”.
The other thing about sand is that it’s hard to make it radioactive. I mean, you can put a reactor in the middle of it and blast it with neutrons AND put six million volts through it and it still won’t go ‘voom’, on account of neutron capture turning the usual isotopes of silicon and oxygen into other stable isotopes.
You get a bit of radioactivity from traces of phosphorus in the quartz (which turns into P-32), but too little to affect anyone… people use irradiated sand to trace sand movements on beaches.
I read all this on Wikipedia so it must be true.
No, I only like the marshmallows. Can we watch Spiderman?
and then the files were mysteriously removed from the house, by the comptroller obama had killed.
I fucking LOVE Smut Clyde.
Even though I wish he’d change his name back…
mikey
They’ve got it all wrong. It was a humanitarian mission. Apparently, sand has something to do with food.
Pirates who came into contact with the unidentified cargo of the ship became seriously ill, and since then sixteen of them have died of what appears to be radiation poisoning.
It’s Dawn of the Somali Coast Guard Dead!
Braaaaains!
And IKEA!
I hate to spoil anyone’s Friday but I just had a horrible thought.
Suppose we (by “we” I mean the reality based political party) have the down ticket blowout many are predicting. Suppose further that we gain, say, eight (or would it be nine?) seats in the Senate. Why is this a terrifying notion? That would make Joe Lieberman relevant again.
Douchedrip Joe would blackmail us (yet again) by threatening to switch sides (officially as opposed to the his current de facto affiliation thereby depriving us of our ‘get out of filibuster free’ card.
And I was feeling so good earlier. I need cheering up here….
Fuck Joe Lieberman.
He can eat all my dirty laundry.
He’s gonna get bounced by the DNC, and he’ll either switch over or effectively switch over. He’s run his course.
If he thinks he can hold the caucus hostage, he’s gonna have to recognize that none of his legislation moves.
And hey, israel’s in danger!
Go joe. Go defend your constituency in ISRAEL, you fucking traitor…
mikey
Brains? [proffers tray to PeeJ]
mmmmm! brains num num num num
I’m sticking to this theory, P.J.
So many Democrats hate Joe Liarman’s lying guts by now, that if Harry (I’m a useless little right-wing weasel who styles meself as “Give Those Reich-tards a Stiff Blowjob Harry”) Reid doesn’t do the right thing, they’ll pick someone who is slightly less worthless.
Like Chuck (“I Give Republicans Gentle Blowjobs And They Reward Me With Repeat Business”) Shumer.
O.K. Fuckit. Drinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnk!
So…….the pirates are the good guys because they stopped the radioactive sand ship? Or the Iranians are the good guys because they poisoned the pirates?
It’s so hard to figure out the moral story lines of wingers…
So…….the pirates are the good guys because they stopped the radioactive sand ship? Or the Iranians are the good guys because they poisoned the pirates?
Yes!1!
Breaking:
Wall Street banks in $70bn staff payout: Pay and bonus deals equivalent to 10% of US government bail-out package
HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?????
Somebody needs to take these “financial workers” for a little boat ride.
Somali
piratesfree lancers will take care of the rest.What? So the heros are Somali pirates?
Arrrrrrr!
It was bad enough when I had to worry about melamine contamination in my shipments of Chinese sand.
Fuck it. Smut Clyde wins, we’re off to IKEA for some Braaaains.
Umm, sorry, I’m confused.
What conference do the Somali Pirates play in?
mikey
I hear there’s some tasty plumber brains doing to waste, down in the “Shriek, Scream, Wail, Ululate” thread. Not sure about the affordable prefab furniture.
Now on the street tonight the lights grow dim
The walls of my room are closing in
There’s a war outside still raging
You say it ain’t ours anymore to win
I want to sleep beneath
Peaceful skies in my lover’s bed
With a wide open country in my eyes
And these romantic dreams in my head
–Da Boss
Demonic Convergence
Didn’t the Grateful Dead play that?
No, dude, that was me. I wrote that. It was supposed to be on American Prayer but every time they tried to record it, it backwards masked itself sounding like “Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney will return and fuck the world all hail satan!” and this created a singularity that kept sucking up John’s drum kit. The situation was quite funny but it really made for some rocky recording sessions.
I didn’t read any of the quotes — I just looked at the pictures.
I want to hang out here and snark away the night but I have to go to hospice and sit with the partner as his dad may pass away tonight.
Make me a weird cocktail, Righteous Bubba., and drink it for me. Add a nice helping of brains, delicious brains, if you be in the mood.
Somali pirates. One really can’t improve on this shit, can one?
Chilled Moose Bile with Iced Distilled White Vinegars
Ingredients:
3 tablespoons convoluted moose bile
1 splash ordinary distilled white vinegar
Add the moose bile intelligently to the distilled white vinegar since it’s heavier. Serve in a large earnest champagne flute. Phone the authorities.
Good luck.
Thank you, dear! That’s a good one for the road.
Does anyone have a recipe for brain-flavoured tofu? I’m not taking my chances with the real thing until this epidemic of spongiform encephalopathy is over.
Hello? Hello?
Oh. Sure. Hang on.
Candy?
It’s for you…
mikey
never fear, Collins or Snowe from Maine will be on our side on most issues to stop a fillibuster if we get to 59. No need to worry about Lieberman.
————————————–
good luck Candy.
Peace, Candy.
It’s tough to do a vigil, but so very important if you can.
Best….
Blog….
Evah
The goal was to blow it up off the coast of Israel and send a lethal radioactive cloud over the Jewish state during Yom Kippur.
Had it not been for the Somali free-lancers, there’s no telling what might have happened.
Cureses!! Foiled again!
But it’s just like sponge cake. There’s nothing like assembling a tastefully designed, affordable chair from a Swedish company, then kicking back and snacking on some C-J Syndrome laced braaaaainssss.
Alternative title
2008: A Space Bodissey
Zombies take note: tofu ensmallens the brain.
A plea – I just gave in to my inner consumerist and purchased an iMac with one of those big-assed screens.
So, I now find that all of Gavin’s awesome photoshops, which looked great as the wallpaper on my POS laptop, all look grainy and not so great on this behemoth screen of mine.
For example, the Rachel Ray w/Mushroom Clouds photo, which is one of the best EVAR, and which I *immediately* right-clicked, is too damn grainy to be my desktop.
So, I found some high-res Banksy photos, which are kewl and all, but is there any go-to for you high-tech fancy computer types of which I am now a member of said fancy pants club? (I’m really hoping that this will be like the episode of Family Guy in which Peter gets liposuction and admission to the “good looking people’s club…”
I missed Talk Like a Free-Lancer Day!?!
Bollocks!
Depends what you want, OG.
You need pretty high res pics.
You can search flickr and picassa and such. I regularly get geographically based wallpaper from other people’s vacation photos.
Google Images is a gold mine, but you really gotta dig thru the chaff to find the kernels of wheat.
Wikipedia has some good images too, but is less reliable…
mikey
Cui Bono? Only Israel benefits from these endless Middle East wars fought by American soldiers. As the U.S. commits war-crimes abroad, that same gov’t commits treason at home by eliminating habeas corpus, using the judiciary to steal private lands, banning books like “America Deceived” from Amazon, Facebook and Wikipedia, conducting warrantless wiretaps and engaging in illegal wars on behalf of Israel. Soon, another false-flag operation will occur (sinking of an Aircraft Carrier by Mossad) and the US will invade Iran. Then we’ll invade Pakistan, Syria, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, then ….
Final link (before Google Books bends to gov’t demands and censors the title):
http://www.iuniverse.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000083883
In case you young’uns didn’t grow up in Syosset, those last three panels are Don Martin, Mad Magazine’s Maddest Artist.
Alternative alternative title:
Sand Doom.
Lieberman’s going to resign in January, and let Jodi Rell replace him with a Republican. The Dems won’t shit on him, and the GOP hates traitors, even if they betray the other side.
Best. Graphics.
EVER.
In all seriousness.
The world stands in awe, yet again.
Dick Cheney’s shotgun-wielding zombie slave legions will never overcome the all-powerful radioactive sands of the mysterious East.
Zombie slave legions lack the power to summon the radioactive sand worms.
Alienation’s for the rich, and I’m feeling poorer every day.
Gimme a couple of them goddam worms and some family atomics and I’ll finish this goddam fight…
mikey
High res pics of art work well, too.
Oh.
And a goodly supply of decent tequila.
None of that cuervo crap…
mikey
Oops. Should reload old pages before commenting.
Just remember, you do not fuck with Rachael Ray.
Google Images is a gold mine, but you really gotta dig thru the chaff to find the kernels of wheat.
Cooliris
Rachel Ray in front of the mushroom cloud
That is in fact a Spice Blow.
The goal was to blow it up off the coast of Israel and send a lethal radioactive cloud over the Jewish state during Yom Kippur
Are there a lot of military operations whose success depends on which way the wind is blowing that afternoon?
I’m sure I’m dreaming this post.
Either that, or an unknown wingnut has appeared from the back of the pack to reach out and snatch the “Dumbest Conservative” award right out of K-Lo’s sweaty hands, knocking Dinesh D’Souza into third.
So, that Rachel Ray story …
Is that true?
I hate Rachel Ray with a crippling abandon. I want to reach through the screen and strangle her with piano wire whenever she says EVOO. The worst thing about her is she makes an acronym for anything that requires more than one word to identify it, but feels she has to repeat the full name immediately after the acronym, thus obviating the purpose of the goddamn acronym. “EVOO, that’s Extra Virgin Olive Oil!” Repeat ad nauseam, emphasis on the nauseam.
If you are going to hurt my brain with your stupid mouth-sounds, dearest Rachel, do not also waste my time! I wish a Wingnut army would fight to death with a fundamentalist Islamic army (wet dreams for both parties!) over who gets to disembowel you for wearing a kaffiyeh.
Loneoak – but only if her reciepes were for mortals….most of what she makes seems geared towards glenbot iron stomach types, not to peole who have actual taste buds….
of course, i only watch her to see how my Pop reacts, usually in horror…
So, that Rachel Ray story …
Is that true?
Well, since the site is mostly satire … maybe.
I bet it is as true as this gem.
most of what she makes seems geared towards glenbot iron stomach types, not to peole who have actual taste buds….
And every fucking meal is obligated to have cheesy-toast. I have no problem with cheesy-toast, as it may be one of humankind’s greatest achievements. But does anyone watching the Food Network desperately need to know about the existence of cheesy-toast?
Somali pirates hijack ships to look for cheesy toast.
.
Iran would never try to kill Israelis, nah, no way. Don’t ya know it, the pirates are only Coast Guard. Being Muslims, they must be peaceful pirates at least. These Somali Buccaneer monkeys are out of control. They go out for weeks in little rickety boats with just weapons and water and eat raw fish they catch and keep hijacking bigger then bigger, then bigger boats.
These terrorist monkeys must be exterminated with extreme prejudice. Sending several drones into their camps when they’re fat and happy celebrating their new money should do the trick.
Lots of great Pirate coverage over at Dinah Lord:
Somalian Gov’t Charges Pirate Negotiator Andrew Mwangura
.
absurd thought –
God of the Universe says
don’t exterminate pirates
seizing ships for ransom
everybody gets rich
.
absurd thought –
God of the Universe says
let pirates operate
you will get cut of ransom
and maybe some weapons too
.
All real freedom starts with freedom of speech. Without freedom of speech there can be no real freedom.
.
Philosophy of Liberty Cartoon
.
Help Halt Terrorism Today!
.
USpace
🙂
.
uspace, please stick around. we need a better quality of troll around here. troof just isn’t up to the high standard set by gary ruppert and annieangel.
Are there a lot of military operations whose success depends on which way the wind is blowing that afternoon?
Now you’ve hurt our feelings.
Make Luft, Not War!
Well, that and you were supposed to defeat us by burning down Oregon.
I mean, come on, guys. Even now, Oregon is kind of a nicety. Back then it was just legally white lumberjacks.
Apologies if it’s old news, but I had to share this truly spectacular nugget of wingnuttery: http://world-o-crap.com/blog/?p=1060
Link is to commentary rather than the original steaming load, but even seasoned veterans may want to place a cushion under their jaw before reading.
You’ve established a motive – Iranians trying to kill Israelis? Looks like Columbo has competition! – but the weapon is a little shaky. You know, because it’s a boat full of radioactive sand passing through a series of extremely heavily guarded global seaways.
You know the old joke about gay guys and ‘honey, please?‘ Substitute Tom Clancy. Same joke works here.
The modus operandi of modern pirates involves knocking over the payroll – which a mixture of irresponsible insurance practices and plummeting international labor standards make extremely profitable, guaranteeing a large amount of money with close to no likely resistance. Even in the golden age of piracy, pirates typically hung onto a cargo because it was valuable. They’re vicious, not stupid: what the fuck are they going to do with sand?
You are confusing piracy for Sid Meier’s Pirates!. It’s OK, it happens all the time. You don’t want a bigger boat – a little speedboat will do just fine (and try calling it ‘rickety’ to their faces, honky). There are no broadsides involved; it’s a boarding action, and a pretty uninvolved one at that.
So lemme get this straight: we should bomb the hell out of all the Muslims, especially people actively foiling our ostensible enemies’ Flemingesque perfidy plots, on general principle.
I guess for an encore you’re going to want to nuke London.
Sir, if I don’t think Eisenhower would spit on you it’s not out of civility but thrift. You’re not a conservative, you’re someone stupid enough to pass as one. You wear being two towns over when they were passing out brains as a badge of pride. You could lose the Civil War with Grant’s army; you could lose the Allies the Bulge. You’re a moron, sir, and we’re all worse for having listened to you, and if there is a God he probably feels sorry for you because that’s the right way to feel about the mentally disabled.
Find yourself a home. We ain’t in the business of care.
STAR WARS EPISODE SANCTITY OF LIFE: WRATH OF THE YELLOW SAND PEOPLE
Incidentally, I happen to know a little about modern piracy. It’s actually a kind of interesting topic – it’s largely a consequence of the navy being militarily irrelevant in the Cold War, which the hegemon is still bent on fighting. The British Navy kept piracy unprofitable; globalization’s labor diktats and America’s ever-present benign neglect brought the bitch back.
It is worth saying that having a ship knocked over under you is slightly worse than the equivalent in retail. Payroll insurance is fairly lax, so losing the payroll generally costs the company little to nothing – but that doesn’t mean they’re not generally entitled to make assholes of themselves when it comes to paying the hands.
The few cases of pirates being held off generally involve (a) some whiz-bang shipboard thing (last one was a sonic disruptor of some kind – seriously!) and (b) an overzealous security officer exceeding his job description.
In general, while they’re willing to do so, pirates are no more likely to shoot the people holding the payroll than register cleaners are to shoot the counter monkey. It’s counterproductive; not only is there all the usual murder stuff involved (not really a problem, because in Islam murder is mandatory!!!), but it makes being caught and punished for piracy a lot easier and paradoxically weakens their chances of making off with the loot.
To be completely fair, in isoliation the things involved in this story – Somalians, pirates, Iranians, China – seem to form a sort of perfect storm for your garden-variety racist wingnut. But it’s never as exciting as they like to think – this is partially because one of American capital’s cottage industries is making the world exciting for bigots, lunatics, and other Republicans.
mikey, I’m afraid you’ve cracked the code. This is what ‘tough on defense’ means.
I am not kidding you. This is what about fifty-five cents of every dollar we pay in taxes does.
Intercontinental ballistic fudgesicles. Although I am informed that the Pentagon these days prefers ‘kinetic killers’ (you know how the 90s were) or ‘fudgicles’.
Jim Geraghty of the National Review Online’s Campaign Spot (10/15/08, ellipsis his):
But then:
Never mind!
And meanwhile the world out there is still dangerous, still full of men who want to watch the world burn, still eager to bring death and destruction on a mass scale to the innocent by any means they can…
We call them “republicans”.
An Indian member of the Iran Denayat crew speaks.
Maybe the pirates got sick because they didn’t wash their hands. It appears water was in short supply.
Or maybe, brains!
This was clearly the funniest story since….YESTERDAY!
Come now. Don’t be silly Willies. It’s as obvious as the nose on your face. That “sand” was really all that yellowcake that Sadaam bought from Niger. See! Didn’t we all tell you hippies he smuggled it out? There’s probably a whole bunch of nerve gas on board that thing, too. I bet it’s all packed in the Russian fighter planes they dug up and moved to Iran at the last minute.
Christ, radioactive sand???
I was on this back around when it happened, and my feeling was it was rocket fuel.
To quote myself:
The Iranian missile, the Shahab, uses a fuel mixture of nitric acid and a chemical called UDMH, which is a derivative of the classic rocket fuel hydrazine. All three chemicals, nitric acid, UDMH, and hydrazine, are highly toxic and damaging to human skin.
My guess? The pirates got into a shipment of either nitric acid or UDMH, not knowing what they were dealing with, and ended up badly burned. End of story, no speculation about secret shipments of radioactive materials necessary.
You’d think someone who has enough smarts to read Vance would at least have the smarts to spend some quality time with Teh Great Gazoogle to find this kind of stuff out before opening his piehole about whacky conspiracies about Chinese atomic sand.
Arrrrhhh, matey. And how, exactly, was yer landlubbin’ ass expectin’ a bunch o Piiiirates tuh behave? Ay, laddie?
Ahhh, but I have an actual pic of “Baron Bodissey”. I clipped this one from Atlas Shrugs after their anti-Muslim “Summit” in Brussels. Er, excuse me, their save Western Civilization and hang out with neo-Nazis party.
Actually, Sphinx and I haven’t written on it in a long while, but we had some great fun with the Baron and his lovely wife here for a while.
Johnny, definitely “A Space Bodissey”. Yup.
p.u.: Good call; especially in light of the Shahab’s Soviet pedigree. They called it ‘demon acid’ in the space program for a reason – rocket fuel on the cheap is some vile shit.
I just left a comment on the rocket fuel thing over on Teh Baron’s post. Remains to be seen how long before he flicks it down the memory hole, since I topped it with a comment about pirates and criminals and their adherence to absolute truthfulness.If he’d rather believe MOOOSLIMY Somali pirates instead of the U.S. Treasury Department, well, that’s his problem.
And appropriate “Seinfeld” quote at the top of the page – easy to see the Baron saying this:
“I think I swallowed a fly! I swallowed a fly! What do I do? What can happen?”
Do you fear for your country?
Censure Michelle Bachmann
Arrrrhhh, matey. And how, exactly, was yer landlubbin’ ass expectin’ a bunch o Piiiirates tuh behave? Ay, laddie?
Tell me about it. If they weren’t roasting their food on deck, they just wouldn’t be buccaneers, would they?
See, this is my favorite thing about the jingo right – it shows up a lot in the places where, for whatever reason, people with something close to sanity blog about modern warfare.
You tell one of them a story like this and they’ll immediately make that logical leap. Iran takes its missiles very seriously, so does the rest of the world, and their composition isn’t some kind of secret. That and anyone with an actual cold war background instead of a freaking out about Jimmy Carter not nuking Iran background is gonna recognize the iconic qualities of shitty Soviet rocket fuel. It figured in the space race, the missile gap, it crops up as far afield as WW2 and Yeltsin.
And these people, who like to think and talk about war all day like a shittier, modern version of Hitler – Shitlers, let us call them – are so fundamentally unfamiliar with the tools with which they are waged that they imagine the People’s Republic of China furnishing Iran with radioactive sand with which to destroy Israel through the Suez Canal.
It’s kind of reminiscent of Dan Quayle holding a grenade launcher the wrong way; it’s a triumph of bark over bite. The thankful thing about this is that it’s self-containing – after a while nobody is gonna pay attention to Baron Bodissey (I want to be clever, but he beat me to it) in his indolently fantasiacal rants about sand coloreds.
Wingnut flapping is a coin so debased it’s hard to imagine anyone outside of the Conspiracy even accepting it after this coming decade. God willing, we’ll somehow find a way to worry about Iranian sand-perfidy without it.
I should be more specific, because my grammar is sometimes kind of like – well, if shit were capable of thinking about itself and formed para-ethnic slurs based on kinds of shit everyone hates, think about your surprise farts and go from there -: this kind of shit is strictly amateur-hour genocide fantasist (thanks, lp – it’s kind of amazing to hear him explicitly endorsing genocide in exactly as many words); there are people out there who take the idea of military conflict seriously without salivating over race warfare.
The iconic example is Dolan’s War Nerd – he relies on the same basic line of reasoning the islamophobes tend to (birthrate etc), with the massive codicil that immigration changes everything: nobody understands how shitty the culture and politics of the Middle East can be like the population of the Middle East, and the idea that people who came to Europe for a fucking reason are going to turn around and act as if they never did is a kind of Burgessian fantasia – so devoted to its pet hate that it’s willing to bend reality to fit it. He also gets a lot of mileage out of the generally paleoconservative/patriotic/etc stuff in stark contrast to modern Republicans.
I guess the moral of the story is that if you want smarmy, hyper-entitled dabbling at hate speech by a guy who thinks the narrowness of his family tree makes him a sort of small god, hang on Bodissey’s every inspired word.
And then drown in your own piss.
Pere, he won’t delete. Rarely does. He’ll lead his minions into circular arguments in which they’ll all be utterly convinced that they have won until you throw up your hands at their idiocy.
Seriously, that really is a pic of the real Baron Bodissey of GoV I linked up there. Just remember when you arguing, that’s the guy who wants to show up at Muslim homes across Europe and order them to leave.
Ahh, the new “Counter-jihad Summit” is IN Vienna! They must be THRILLED!
Brain and Brain. What is brain?
What this blog needs is some real Zombies!
Why’d you have to drag Lemmy into all of this?!
That’s a bit disappointing. I was hoping for someone like this.
I was kind of hoping for The Aristocrat.
Justme,
Hi-res, full color thermonuclear bomb tests. French ones at that:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/dominoes/2039945401/
You are not Morg. You are not Eye-morg.
You are some lame-ass blogger complaining about some cool dude Somali “freelancers” with bad table manners.
The pictures for this are so good my eyes came.
Extra bonus points for Izlamoterrorista Rachel Ray holding a latte … the magical Don Martin just clinches it for me … & please note that any wingnut would heartily approve of the “LAND OF MAKE BELIEVE” sign, because after all, it’s pointing to the left!
If he really wants to go the aristocratic route, I think Bodissey should seriously consider adopting this persona.
There are several solid advantages:
= Widespread name recognition.
= A cadre of devoted followers.
= Exceptional social skills.
= Snappy dresser.
= First-hand expertise on death ships.
And I think it’s obvious that this is exactly the sort of leadership modern conservatives have been looking for.
(If WordPress coughs up my earlier link to this pic, pay it no heed.)
Goddamn fucking WordPress.
Fucking beautiful man.
A Picasso of blog posts.
If I could frame this bitch and hang it my home I would.
The thing is…this is so implausible that even some of the commentators over at GoV are expressing disbelief.
That’s like…I don’t think I can come up with an adequate metaphor, since GoV commentators tend to believe almost everything, so long as a scary Muslim type is involved.
Have we hit Peak Wingnut?
I hate Rachel Ray with a crippling abandon. I want to reach through the screen and strangle her with piano wire whenever she says EVOO.
She’s still better than Sandra Lee. Try reading this thread or this thread without a growing sense of nausea.
I hate Rachel Ray with a crippling abandon. I want to reach through the screen and strangle her with piano wire whenever she says EVOO.
I can fix that for you. See the button that says “CH” and has up and down arrows on it? You can use that to change the channel! Better yet: See that button up there labeled “Power”? Push it. There now.
Your TV remote control said,
October 18, 2008 at 18:39
DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, MF’ER!1!!
Have we hit Peak Wingnut?
We haven’t even gotten to Obama’s inauguration, yet.
Snor–I think he was hoping for that too…..
I can just hear the conversation:
“General Sir, Our secret DEATH SHIP was just high-jacked!”
“You mean the DEATH SHIP that was going be the opening salvo of the Great Jihad to wipe hated Israel from the map?”
“Yes Sir! That Death SHIP!”
“How much are the Pirates demanding?”
“22 Million dollars sir!”
“Well fuck that! Let’em keep the toxic shit!”
“Yes Sir!”
There is less evidence for “Peak Wingnut” than there is for the yeti.
Oct. 17 (Bloomberg) — Andrew Lahde, the hedge-fund manager who quit after posting an 870 percent gain last year, said farewell to clients in a letter that thanks stupid traders for making him rich and ends with a plea to legalize marijuana
Rachel Ray? Let me tell you about Rachel Ray.
She’s still better than Sandra Lee.
Anthony Bourdain:
SANDRA LEE: Pure evil. This frightening Hell Spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker seems on a mission to kill her fans, one meal at a time. She Must Be Stopped. Her death-dealing can-opening ways will cut a swath of destruction through the world if not contained. I would likely be arrested if I suggested on television that any children watching should promptly go to a wooded area with a gun and harm themselves. What’s the difference between that and Sandra suggesting we fill our mouths with Ritz Crackers, jam a can of Cheez Wiz in after and press hard? None that I can see. This is simply irresponsible programming. Its only possible use might be as a psychological warfare strategy against the resurgent Taliban–or dangerous insurgent groups. A large-racked blonde repeatedly urging Afghans and angry Iraqis to stuff themseles with fatty, processed American foods might be just the weapon we need to win the war on terror.
http://blog.ruhlman.com/ruhlmancom/2007/02/guest_blogging_.html
This is what about fifty-five cents of every dollar we pay in taxes does.
Hey, alec. I appreciate the point, but actually (budget nerd alert!) the DoD budget accounts for just over 19% of federal expenditures, and that’s even if you don’t include Social Security disbursements in the total expenditure column. If you add in Iraq/Afghanistan funding (about 5.5%, but “off-budget”) the VA (about 3.5%), Civil Defense (about 2%) and international military assistance (a bit under 1%), it comes up to “only” about 31% .
Still, disturbing enough – especially when one considers that the Education Dept. gets about 2.5%, the CDC and NIH combined get less than 1.5% and food safety inspection programs account for a mere 0.11%.
What I personally find equally disturbing is the fact that interest payments on the national debt for FY2009 were already projected to be about 17% of federal spending – and that’s before the various bailouts run the total debt up another 20% (to nearly 90% of GDP). So, it’s likely that, for the next few years, even if defense spending isn’t cut at all, interest payments will exceed even the DoD budget.
The professional economist’s term for this is, “Super-size Shit Hoagie with
CheezWhiz.”If you read only one blog post this year…
What is it with Wingnuts and the phrase ‘If this is all true’? It’s not like that phrase is saving them from being idiots.
FOINSAPP!
I’m trying to identify all those figurines. Here’s what I have so far (from left):
G. Gordon Liddy, Ted Nugent, Obama-as-Stepin-Fetchit, ???, ???, Daniel Pipes, Henry Paulson.
Any help with the other two?
blonde dude in green: Steyn
What is it with Wingnuts and the phrase ‘If this is all true’?
They live in the land of If, the only major population center in their alternate universe.
viz.:
If only I wasn’t fat….
If I was king then I’d show them…
If I wasn’t so lazy….
If I only had a brain….
I just have to share this nugget from fivethirtyeight:
I’ve been doing the Google on the Tubes for Demonic Convergence, and all I get is fiction.
Has anyone found anything reality based on it? I mean, you know, because Linda Blair wasn’t actually possessed by Demons, it was a movie.
There’s the Linda Blair snack stand. I can’t imagine how “Chunk Ball” could be anything but proof of demonic possession.
. . . Linda Blair wasn’t actually possessed by Demons . . .
Actually, I heard recently that Blair was possessed by Demons who are now suing the producers and the studio for residuals. While trying to get their career back on track by possessing Stephen Baldwin.
A hilarious send-up!
Not to take credit from Baron whatever, but this is from what looks like a religious zionist site —
http://shiratdevorah.blogspot.com/2008/10/hijacked-iranian-ship-was-dirty-bomb.html
“Donations are made directly into the Paypal account of Yeshivat Chabad Ramat Aviv, Tel Aviv Israel – Rabbi R. Fichman Please see their website at http://tmimim.org/ for further information.”
The final bit is probably the current political demand that the author is atttempting to support —
“This ship was nothing more nor less than the long-anticipated Iranian attack on Israel. Not the expected rocket attacks (which could be intercepted by the Israelis) but an even more deadly and unexpected attack by sea.. It is very interesting to note that the Israeli government has in the past few weeks, been loudly demanding that the United States establish a naval blockade of Iran.”
Chicago Tribune???@!@?!!!
What a second, those can’t be real pirates, there was no mention of non-stop sodomy on deck!!
Mayonnaise Laser Beam.
Fully Automatic High Velocity Spackle.
Intercontinental Ballistic Fudgesicles…
I laughed…OUT LOUD…for about ten minutes. I couldn’t get a hold of myself. Srsly.
Would pirates engage in sodomy?
[Any chance to see Ioan Griffud is worthwhile – if only that clip featured his callipygian glory. I do seem to have a growing interest, thinking about that.]
Would pirates engage in sodomy?
These days they can marry in sodomy.
I have to admit I’m puzzled by this talk of Peak Wingnut. Oil is a physical substance, the amount of which on the planet is finite and quantifiable. Wingnuttery is an authoritarian political culture of paranoia. It cannot be quantified. It cannot reach peak for there is no guarantee that a crescendo of idiocy will not be superseded by an even higher state of dumb.
“They [the Somali pirates/coast guard members] would never bathe, they would continuously take drugs and eat like pigs. Every other day, they would roast an animal on the deck, cut it into pieces and eat with their bare hands. If you saw it, you would just vomit,”
Hmmm. No baths. Drugs. Barbeque on deck. Speedboats. Add about 30 metric tons of beer and this sounds like Labor Day weekend at Lake Havasu.
These days they can marry in sodomy.
Directions to sodomy, please.
Or Canada, Netherlands, Spain, Belgium, Norway, South Africa, Mass., Conn. or, for the time being at least, Calif.
So do my friends. So do my lovers.
That’s some fast acting radioactive sand, if they started dying in several days. I guess this is going to put a crimp in the Chinese Radioactive Sand industry, especially during this economic crisis and the holiday season. Glow-in-the-dark snowglobes will never be the same.
“fardels bear said,
October 18, 2008 at 2:11
And another 10 million points for Rachel Ray in front of the mushroom cloud. As a matter of fact, I think “Mushroom Cloud” is one of her 30 minute meals. Mushrooms, a jar of marshmallow topping, and a smile.”
I hate mushrooms and marshmellows, but if all she has on is the smile, I’ll eat.
Good afternoon.
Just listening to my favorite band, Creed.
Brian | 10.18.08 – 4:38 pm | #
Seen on another blog.
They live in the land of If, the only major population center in their alternate universe.
If only I …
If I was…
If I wasn’t…
If I only had…
I had no idea that the Subjunctive Case could contain so much stuff. The moral is that if you’re packing for a trip and can’t fit everything into your luggage, these people might be able to help.
Not precisely on-topic, but as the thread is nearly over anyway, here’s the latest dastardly Iranian plot — the effort to destroy Teh Sammich:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081017/od_nm/us_guinness_sandwich
Senator McCain has a plan to catch the radioactive sand pirates but he’s not going to reveal it until we make Bible Spice our Prezzadent!
(Campaign insiders imply that the plan may have something to do with doughnuts and sodomy).
I’d say that was more than an effort, Andy.
It SPEAKS VOLUMES about the PERFIDY and UNMITIGATED EVIL of the Iran regime, that we initially found this story so plausible.
I thought it was Billy Baldwin with da demons not Stephen, or are they both over the ledge? Or do I just not know my Baldwins? Eh…
“I’d say that was more than an effort, Andy.”
Yes, excellent point.
They live in the land of If, the only major population center in their alternate universe.
Actually I think you mean the Château d’If.
A picture’s worth a thousand times a hundred.
What’s McCain get? A couple of hundred village idiots?
Much better photo of the turnout.
My god, I had forgotten all about Gates of Vienna. Is it really a good idea for the institution in which these gentlemen reside to allow them open internet access?
Taking care of that Iranian death ship would be a job for Captain Atom and, I’m going to say, The Flash; the latter could run around and contain the sand in twister form and the former could transform it into harmless silicon by absorbing the radiation. And, eh, I guess they could bring Wildcat around just to punch whoever needed punching, because that’s what he does.
I guess they could bring Wildcat around just to punch whoever needed punching, because that’s what he does.
Huh.
Doesn’t sound like you need super powers for that.
Can I apply for a job like that?
I’m thinking I’d see a reduction in pent-up anger issues…
mikey
Taking care of that Iranian death ship would be a job for…
Captain Underpants.
I kinda figured Missouri would go blue this time. They have a long and disturbing history of voting with the winner.
———–
Okay, you’re just trying to stir shit now.
————
PeeJ, that is one of the funniest, most fucked up and oddly heartening things I’ve seen. Bradley effect my ass. I admit to cackling wildly, half just for the image and half wondering if they were /b/-tards.
justme: I’m starting to hear a lot about a “reverse Bradley Effect” — where polled voters say they’re voting for McCain because they don’t want to admit they’re voting for “the n***er.” That makes a lot more sense to me, living down here in the Southland and all.
And Lesley: The photos of Obama’s crowd in St. Louis are just astounding. Wow.
Sign from the McCain campaign office in Pompano Beach, FL.
Sign at a gun shop in New Mexico.
I forget where I saw it, but polls done in New Mexico suggests the Bradley Effect is favoring Obama there – lying about voting for McCain is socially advantageous in many ways, up to and including a decent out from being screamed at about ACORN perfidy.
I think I was thinking about the budget after non-voluntary spending (the debt etc you mentioned), although I think I was still wrong.
Forgive a man getting excited about billion-dollar fudgicles. After all, it’s all our wingnut friends have left.
Ain’t no blogger like Billmon when he’s in stride.
That’s not fudge.
That’s not fudge.
Poo on a stick – looks like mud from a distance!
Sign from the McCain campaign office in Pompano Beach, FL.
Fuck conjecture, McLiars.
How about the real thing.
Poo on a stick?
Oh, we know from poo on a stick…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punji_stick
mikey
Oh. Whoops. Sorry.
I forgot this is the only blog that can’t control it’s own spam filter.
I posted a link. I know. Crime of the fucking century. After all, it’s only the fucking INTERNET. Why would posting links be allowed?
mikey
How quickly things change.
Andy,
great find, not at all OT, as you say. Things are finally falling into place.
Mr. Boddissey’s source was killed before he could finish telegraphing the message: he meant to say radioactive sandwich, but could only type “sand…” before getting gunned down (or his throat slit, I am still investigating this)
Yes, that was the plan. A giant radioactive sandwich, prepared by Rachel Ray, was supposed to explode off the shore of Israel. When the Somali “freedom fighters” intercepted the sandwich, the embarrassed Iranian government staged a phony spectacle where this whole thing was supposed to be for the Guinness Book of Record. “conveniently” when the Guinness people arrived they were told that the sandwich was already eaten.
Obviously, the Somalis tried to eat the giant sandwich and got terribly sick. (Not from the radiation, mind you, but from the mayonnaise…)
Mystery solved!
I’m a little worried that sammich would give me diarrhea…
mikey
The fact that this guy is named after a Jack Vance character isn’t really so puzzling. I love Vance’s prose style, and his Wodehouse-in-space farces are a hoot, but his political stories–think The Grey Prince, Araminta Station, Emphyrio, the Alastor novel that takes place on the Welfare State Strawman Planet, et cetera–are unreconstructed brown-people-are-different-and-therefore-bad allegories at best and out-and-out glorifications of fascism at worst. (And most of his adult heroes tend to end up in the sack with fourteen year-old girls for some reason.)
The “Vance Integral Edition” fan editorship of his collected works went through a lot of turmoil because a small but vocal portion of the volunteer base were members of the European far-right using the project to trumpet Vance as a prophet of White Christian Civilization Under Threat.
Todd Palin at a Norm Coleman rally holding a sign that says “Charles Manson was a community organizer”. I think is for real.
http://minnesotaindependent.com/13461/first-dude-and-absent-sarah-upstage-norm-at-duluth-sportsmen-for-coleman-rally
Have you guys seen the John Sidney McPenguin the Third? Oh, Youtubes… so full of wonder.
(The link is in my name. Maybe this will reduced the need to fywp…)
Shortly after the Iranian Death Ship failed to detonate Atomic Sand Bomb over Israel, the files mysteriously disappeared from the Red Skull’s house.
Well, if you really want to throw away four good white child-bearing years because you think women are people or whatever depraved Spockian filth you crazy lefties believe about the ‘right’ of ‘children’ not to give you sexual pleasure, go right ahead. Doesn’t mean we’re obligated to betray our duties to the Mehrweisskindfamilie.
Really, why is it all of the proto-wingnut authors (in addition to calling themselves libertarian but worshipping anything as oppressive as a state without calling itself that, including the Angry White Big Man) seem to view pedophilia with a sort of warm nostalgia? This is a serious question; it’s so fucking frequent that it can’t be simple coincidence.
And – need I remind you who the dark knight in this race is? – Gotham City has gone through three hundred comptrollers since Obama entered the race.
Don Martin = Love
Hit and Run
from the comments of your link.
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=7QC574j9ksI
I don’t know what they were smoking, but it was powerful.
Dude. It’s Cake and Sodomy.
The fact is, Real America is here, in the Heartland. Where we work hard, are not eleitists, support the troops and our president, salute the flag, say the pledge and want lower taxes to build prosperity, and do not need biased science and history taught in our schools, or biased liberal media on the air. We are not voting for Obama — he is a terrorist, is biased toward the hard left and socialism, and he is a Muslim who will bring in Shania Law.
It just astounds me that, if this story was even remotely true, the pirates didn’t hold Israel or Iran up for ransom.
Moreover, that simple little piece of logic…pirates + booty = theft…didn’t occur to Herr Barren….
Directions to sodomy, please.
It’s around back.
A fabulous job. I always like my lunacy to come in pictures, or better yet, pop-up books!
My favoritist Gates of Vienna moment was when like-minded wingers complained that poor GoV was being maligned as “Islamophobic.” Which was kind of ironic since GoV had this big “Islamophobic and Proud of It” button on their front page at the time.
Theory, illustrated summary, and commentary — classic.
(You can’t hear the Alan Partridge drawl, can you? Drat.)
I have no idea how they have internet access. Click on “Dymphna’s Other Blog”. They live in some town of 500 people or something like that “at the foothills of the Appalachians” in VA. When I used to mock blog them I noticed this repeated quite a bit; I just can’t even sit through the posts anymore, but should start again seeing as there is a NEW “summit”.
They live in some town of 500 people or something like that “at the foothills of the Appalachians” in VA.
I assume it’s part of the “real Virginia”.
Which is to say, West Virginia, but not the faggy parts of it voting for Obama. Basically the parts that were prevented from seceding again by the marginal good sense of all concerned.
East West Virginia’s most famous tourist slogan, There’s No ‘Nation’ In Miscegenation, ran from the inadvertent beginning of written history in the state by a literate non-Chinaman (1988); although supplanted by the simpler and more strictly factual East West Virginia: All Our Niggers Are On Tobacco Ads in 2004, it has remained popular with right-wing shirt manufacturers and other jackasses.
We made you a giant sammich, but we eated it.
Isn’t that a line from a Queen song?
She’s a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Mayonnaise with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Obama — he is a terrorist, is biased toward the hard left and socialism, and he is a Muslim who will bring in Shania Law.
Fear the Islamosocialism!!!!!
Do you hear that…listen…(faint rumble)…it’s coming…it’s going to be incredible…the wingnuts coming…to expose Colin Hussein Powell X, head of the S1W’s, ultimate traitor, I-never-did-like-dat-dar-n&^$er, etc. etc.
Sweet times at Sadly, N(egr)o!, I think.
The freepers have been talking about South Africa all morning.
Good Lord, were we overdue for this kind of shit.
It’s all over, except for the (years of) snivelling.
His ARRIVAL shall be like a new dawn upon the world.
Suck it PUKES!!@u!!
And what color might that dawn be?
Is there, perhaps, an animal we could keep in mind when it does happen to arrive?
Non-inquiring minds want to know.
The fact is, liberals are going to loose loose loose bigtime. Freedom will triumph. I am glad patriots like Michelle Bachman call things as they are. The liberal media bias is sickening. We have traiters in our mist, they are called Democraps.
Y’know, I hate to be the one to say it, but the quality of the fake Garies has really declined lately. I mean, sure, you get the mis spellings, but they can’t carry you – you’ve got to have some wacky Ruppert-esque wingnuttery in there with them.
I swear, if you’re just going to mail it in, why bother?
Hell, it’s like Shania Law…
mikey
And what color might that dawn be?
Well, I guess that would really depend on the local conditions? There may be a hint of Mint however.
Is there, perhaps, an animal we could keep in mind when it does happen to arrive?
Dude, whatever floats your boat.
Non-inquiring minds want to know.
Your questions bely your apathy pilgrim. That One hears your anticipation!
Is there, perhaps, an animal we could keep in mind when it does happen to arrive?
Sorry, my appointment calendar is full.
We comment with the fake Garys that we have, and not the fake Garys we might want or wish to have at a later time.
There is less evidence for “Peak Wingnut” than there is for the yeti.
Present and accounted for. Now, them “compassionate conservatives”?
They’re totally mythical.
If it involves being sacrificed to purify the Third Temple, then you’ll have to excuse my lack of enthusiasm.
Anyone reading the right-wing spew on this one wanna tell me how long it took for the phrase “affirmative action” to come up? I’m betting 20 minutes, tops.
I’m too Chinese. I mean, unless you were talking about the arrival of the next superpower, in which case, Zhongguo JIAYOU!!
We know where Real Virginia is. It’s in the area around the Hampton Roads and east, west, south and north somewhat.
[happyhappysingsongvoice]Doop de doop de doo….Someone (actually, two someones) got their ballot in the mail yesterday…. dump de dump de dummm….[/happyhappysingsongvoice]
Good times indeed. We’re voting for the nigger.
PS – from a Penn State alum, WOLVERINES!!!!!
I’d vote early, but I’m going to enjoy voting with my family. My little brother in particular is voting for the first time this year – turned 18 in late ’07, favored Clinton in the caucus but voting for the nigger with the rest of us this time around.
We’re pretty politically and intellectually disparate, but it’s a big tent.
Every year I think about voting by mail. Pretty much everybody I know does it. But truth be told, I LIKE going to the polls on election day.
Here in The Valley of Silliness, the polls would make a wingnut’s head explode. Usually I’m the only caucasian – looking dood in the entire building. Most of the poll workers tend to be black. LOTS of asians and latinos casting ballots.
It really does make me swell up with pride.
That’s the REAL AMERICA, motherfuckers…
mikey
wordyeti said,
Present and accounted for.
So you say; I’m afraid we’re going to have to see The Buttocks to make sure.
I LIKE going to the polls on election day.
Seconded. It’s a nice little ritual that really makes me feel like a part of it all.
Although early voting does the same, I’m finding.
Shorter America (in the voice of Rodney Dangerfield in “Caddyshack”):
“Hey everybody, we’re voting for the NIGGER!!”
(Cue dancing, “Any way you want it, just the way you need it, any way you want it”…)
In OR everyone votes by mail. They don’t even have polling places. I never got around to checking out the procedure for homeless or otherwise mailing address challenged people so don’t ask.
Also, this just in (allegedly) from the National Black Republican Association (all three of them, I guess) via Human Events:
I can’t beat that logic. Why did I even bother to go to cllasses like Phil 101 or Math 557? It was obviously a waste of time.
It’s not so good to wait ’til the last moment in Columbus to vote.
I totally loved the Land of Make Believe when I was little. They had a (tiny little) zipline thing and probably some other stuff that was kind of fun. I went there later with my nephews and nieces and it was still a great time, although it probably isn’t fun if you aren’t there with kids (and aren’t a kid yourself).
Hey! I don’t recall giving the Sadly, No! weisenheimers the day off. Do any of you recall giving the Sadly, No! weisenheimers the day off? I’m double-checking their time sheets this month.
Also: It occurs to me that the nutzo-balls could accuse Obama of almost anything in the next two weeks, and even if there were a shred of truth to it they’d be mocked into the ground. HAW haw!! Serves their dumb asses right.
And finally, I’d like to call ix-nay on the igger-nay word. I am aware of its usage in the new Internetual tradition of “I’m voting for the _________,” but until my bretheren and sisteren of the darker persuasion grant my lily-white ass permission to use it jocularly, and probably even then, it makes my skin crawl. Just sayin’.
Serves their dumb asses right.
And there was much much tonguejacking of shitboxes. (Yaaaaayyy!)
Do any of you recall giving the Sadly, No! weisenheimers the day off?
As a good card-carrying socialist tovarishch, I’m willing to let them have a day of rest. At least the long-enduring post is a fun one.
Perhaps all the mad-as-a-meataxe right-wing websites have fallen silent, leaving the Sadly, No! weisenheimers with nothing to comment on.
thankfully T-bogg hasn’t shirked his duties! Yay T!
Perhaps all the mad-as-a-meataxe right-wing websites have fallen silent, leaving the Sadly, No! weisenheimers with nothing to comment on.
Possible, or maybe they’re all busy photoshopping party hats onto wingnuts. You have to choose just the right accessory for, say, the “GENREAL POWELL = RASCIST” screed.
The Mormon state’s newspaper endorses Obama
Hey! I don’t recall giving the Sadly, No! weisenheimers the day off
Yeah, but it’s not like anything happened today that might cause an over-reaction amongst our over-reactionary colleagues in Right Blogistan….
mikey
The Mormon state’s newspaper endorses Obama
I’ll be dipped. Then again, because it’s not the Deseret News, it’s a horrible liberal rag, so it doesn’t count.
…and of course the Salt Lake Tribune editors have to whine a bit about McCain not picking Romney and tonguejack the whole capital gains tax cut BS, but I’ll take it.
Editor and Publisher has been keeping track of newspaper endorsements.
McCain’s hired the same firm to smear Obama that smeared him in 2000.
http://majikthise.typepad.com/majikthise_/2008/10/acorn-deluged-w.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/17/report-mccain-using-same_n_135699.html
It’s all mail-in voting in (most of) my state as well. The spouse and I received, and filled out, our ballots yesterday. Also, this is the first presidential election since our young sprout achieved voting age, so that was cool.
I agree with those who find the physical trip to the voting booth inspiring, but I must say that mail-in voting does seem to head off certain kinds of shenanigans.
McCain is evidence that when you stare too long into the shit-moat, the shit-moat stares back into you.
McCain’s hired the same firm to smear Obama that smeared him in 2000.
I suppose they’re going to point out that Obama has black children.
It’s bastards like those who I most hope have to go looking for a real job soon.
Yes. And it’s also great fun to spend a little time comparing this list to this one.
Pee J, that comment from fivethirtyeight just keeps on giving. Nonetheless, I have to second MzNicky in suggesting that the N-word be used sparingly, if at all. Two reasons: as MzNicky points out, it’s still A Word Of Much Nastiness, and also, if any righty nutcases trip on in here they may get excited to think that we’re just like them. Who knows where that would end.
Gotta say though, folks, the tension is really getting to me, and I don’t even live on the same side of the planet. Must be nail-biting time for you all over there.
Alright, pedants, have fun with this one. John McCain was in Ohio today.
My emphasis.
Also, he added Phil the Bricklayer, Rose the Teacher, and Wendy the Waitress to his cardboard menagerie of Real Americans. I am not making this up.
This is a dangerous subject.
“I’m saying it’s laying a predicate for the future that can be very dangerous,” McCain said.
I’d rather be fucking a subject.
…it’s laying a predicate for the future that can be very dangerous…
That’s some good pseudo-egghead nonsense, all right! I assume he meant to say “precedent” – but who knows?
a predicate […] that can be very dangerous
If McCain turns school-age kids onto grammar, by creating the impression that it is edgy and extreme, then good luck to him.
Gerundives are pretty scary too.
Yeah, I carry a loaded predicate.
But I don’t keep a live subject under the hammer.
Hey, I’m not a fucking lunatic…
mikey
Just Alison: Speaking for myself, I’m starting to get that ol’ standing-on-the-precipice knot in my stomach just like I do every four years around this time. 1992 was like political nirvana, when Bubba broke the 12-year Rethuglican national curse — I remember my coworkers and I practically climbing the walls in the last few days before that election, and gripping hands in a prayer-like circle on election night as if we could WILL the Democrats back into power. I’m feeling that way again — that stirring of hope that Holy Christ can it be, please can it be! and trying to get my head around the distinct possibility that things will go our way again at long long fucking last. These next two weeks will be almost unbearable, and I can’t even imagine yet what election night will be like. I guess this is what it’s like to be living in a very key moment of history.
Extensive research amongst the dusty tomes of my library reveals that “predicate” was a term used in 14th-century bestiaries to describe a yellowish leathery egg laid by a rooster, that if incubated by a toad would hatch into a cockatrice. Or cicatrice. Or something like that.
This is why laying a predicate for the future is so dangerous.
Gerundives are pretty scary too.
Isn’t that “gerundives” some of that thar elitist vegetable stuff, like arugula? It ain’t sound very patriotic to this here Amurcan.
/wingnut stoopid
MzNicky and Just Allison: I keep telling myself, reassuring myself, really, that it will all be over soon. I wish we could have election day today. I’ve never been very good at waiting on things. My whole life these days seems to be, um, predicated on waiting for events that are utterly beyond my control. This election is not fucking helping.
I go from feeling the most delicious delight over the misery and hysteria of the wingnut camp to terror that some unforseen last minute disaster will thwart the Obama juggernaut.
tonguejack the whole capital gains tax cut BS
Mick Jagger’s acting as the bounty-hunter character in Tonguejack was total arse.
Wow, after a furious rash of interesting posts, the Sadly staff seems to have lit out for the territories for the weekend. Isn’t this thread from Friday?
Oh, well, I’ve got lots of work to do anyway, so I guess it’s better I don’t have any new temptations. The partner’s dad is still hanging on in hospice, my sixteen year old kid is driving me batshit insane, and the new kitten is having the occasional not-at-all-sweet-smelling accident. And I’ve got a paper or two to write. Back to the salt mine.
Nah. I’ve got THE math.
People who want to have some kind of future?
58%
People who want to drive the whole fucking rig off a cliff just to kill the scary brown people and make sure government never works to benefit Americans by spending American’s tax dollars ON Americans?
38%
People who still think McCain’s a maverick and Palin’s brilliant?
9%
People who want something COMPLETELY different from bush cheney?
70%
Short form:
Stupid/Suicidal 36%
Thought about it/hopeful 48%
This election’s over. Stick a fork in John McCain.
Stick a fork in bush/cheney.
Start worrying about what these assclowns are going to do as the discredited opposition.
‘Cause that scares the FUCK outta me…
mikey
Pace MzNicky, ’92 is nothing on ’08. I hated Papa Bush worse than Reagan, but I despise McCain even more than Papa Bush (drawing a delicate veil over the in-between Rethug), and I have more (ahem) optimism about the high-end possibilities of the Big O than I ever did about Clinton, whom I pegged before his election as having been seriously co-opted before he ever went to college.
Put it this way: I think Obama is a centrist out of temperament and intellectual conviction, whereas Bill was a centrist because that’s where the votes were, which made him likely to lurch rightwards at any moment that seemed propitious. Sure, he was the best we’ve had since way too long, and sure Obama might conceivably turn out to be as ineffective as Carter, though I doubt it … but I think the stakes are higher this year than at any time since at least 1960.
Mikey, I’m right with you on fear about next year. Those dudes are very bad losers, and some of them have access to things that go bang.
My pet goat set a predicate, too. Or was that a presidential predicate?
Well, it’s clear they’re going to try to rat-fuck the election and Obama as president elect.
But we just need to NOT LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT.
In Russian grammar, subject modifies predicate!
I’m a rat-fucker and I approve this message
The endorsement lists (see Smiling Mortician at 0:39) are pretty interesting. Compare the number of Nobel Laureates who’ve endorsed Obama with the number listed under McCain.
On the other hand, McCain has captured the all-important Pat Boone endorsement.
As for the election, I’m not very worried about it. That’s not because I’m certain that McCain’s going to lose – I’m never certain about anything in American politics – but because I tend to be highly fatalistic about large events I have little control over, even ones I’m intensely interested in. I don’t know why I react that way, but I’m glad that I do.
Sorry, their brains looked so tasty, and once we got started we couldn’t stop. [burp]
Those dudes are very bad losers, and some of them have access to things that go bang.
I’m your huckleberry.
Tha’s JUST my game…
mikey
On the other hand, McCain has captured the all-important Pat Boone endorsement.
Needs youtube.
Bonus: Crazy Train
Cheney endorses Obama.
FrontierChronicle said,
October 20, 2008 at 3:17
Cheney endorses Obama.
I see you, and raise!
Perhaps the next time they should hide the sand in a large wooden rabbit…
If the radioactive sand plan fails, I will resort to the scorpions… or the man-eating eagle… or my personal favourite, the “golden-snake-through-the-head” plan.
Death by radioactive sand at the 1.08 mark.
I suppose they’re going to point out that Obama has black children.
I think it’s quite clear Karl Rove would whisper that Obama has white children. In fact, I’d be surprised if someone didn’t look more closely at the melanin levels of Sasha and Malia and speculate about that. “Ladies and gentlemen, I have fucked a lot of Dominican housemaids in my time, and none– NONE– of my little banana-picking Limbaughrinos down there turned out as light as Sasha.”
300 comments! SPARTA!!!!
Sand pirates
Sorry, BJS.
You’re off by one. Into the Pit of Death with you.
But the deputy commissioner for crime at the Jamaica Constabulary Force, Mark Shields, insisted this was not an open-and-shut case.
“It’s a very complex investigation because it involves so many aspects,” he told the BBC.
“You’ve got the receivers of the stolen sand, or what we believe to be the sand. The trucks themselves, the organisers and, of course, there is some suspicion that some police were in collusion with the movers of the sand.”
Police said they were carrying out forensic tests on beaches along the coast to see if any of it matches the stolen sand.
Where’s my sand, Beaches!
Wow! You guys are STILL HERE?! FTW!?
Geez! At least take a vitamin D supplement, will ya?
I got my loin cloth and body oil out in honor of passing the 300th comment not that I was the 300th specifically. Let me have my fun!
Hey, has Bruce stopped by yet?
Let me have my fun!
Enjoy laying your very own predicate.
Since I laid my predicate, the future’s full of danger.
The MSM, once cordial, is calling me a stranger.
The debate flopped, the base collapsed, the cat keeps doing poo.
The only thing that keeps me sane is talking to my shoe.
Umm, Sadly’s? Wakey wakey. One of you in one of your seven timezones, or whatever it is, please attend. Thanks.
I just noticed something.
The first photo of this post says ‘ALL ABOARD THE FAILBOAT’.
Or does it? Look at it closely. What it really says (using lower-case for demonstration purposes) is:
‘Aii aboard the failboat’.
Are you as shocked as I am? SadlyNo!’s editorial rigor was Our Last Best Hope. Now this.
Wait. Unless…
This can only be a coded message from Caliph Soros. Aiieee! Aboard the failboat!! You see. Obama wants America to fail.
Has techdude looked into this? Is the KernersRGo team scrambling from its barracks?
By Wednesday this could be a scandal on the order of ‘Listick on a Pig’, perhaps even rising to ‘arugula’ controversy levels.
Sunday is a day of rest for the Sadly crew, unlike we heathens.
Hey, has Bruce stopped by yet?
I miss Bruce.
Misses Palin doggone it.
In Russia, teh funneh kills you.
Crap! The video seems to no longer be available. I swear I just watched the fucker not ten minutes ago!
I’m too tired to search for it elsewhere. I’ll try to find it tomorrow. It was really funny.
now, after performing an amazing, never before attempted triple
lutzpost, I believe I’ll go to the showers.Corrected version of Pome at 5:36:
Since I laid my predicate, the future’s full of danger.
The MSM, once cordial, is calling me a stranger.
The debate flopped, the base collapsed, they shun my Bar-B-Q.
The only words that comfort me are P-O-W.
Now super powers required. You just have to wear a cat mask with whiskers on it. And punch people.
Err, “no super powers”.
After I did all that formatting, too…
Wow! You guys are STILL HERE?! FTW!?
At least we’re in the living room. Apparently some white supremacists have been holed up in a cave below the basement in some ancient archived thread. Has anyone checked it lately?
Gerundives are pretty scary too.
Why? I have to use those now instead of arugula to keep my “real American” creds!!!?!?!?!?!?
Present and accounted for.
Tigrisimus:
So you say; I’m afraid we’re going to have to see The Buttocks to make sure.
Um. Would that be my buttocks? ‘Cause years of cutting & editing video & Flash animation have contributed to a general downward trend in the posterior region.
There’s some cute little sasquatch personal trainers I know that might fit the bill, however.
(kudos to Mikey for the “Tombstone” reference … although I desperately hope it does not come to that in this country. Civil war, seen up close, is about as bad a thing as you can imagine.)