UR LOOOSIN IT U LOSERZ!!
Check out Rudolph the Red-Nosed Pundit Geraghty and Handsome Mark “I’ll Fight Daffy For That Sammich” Hemingway yammer incoherently about the debate. Funny stuff.
Before I tortured myself watching the vid, I laughed at the blurb (attributed to “NRO Staff”) above it, specifically its remarks that the vid in part would address “McGovern’s rightwing credentials.” Okay, I thought, so NRO editor K-Lo, who started drinking early and stayed up late (and, of course, alone), got totally shitfaced again, wrote McGovern instead of McCain.
But, no! Ladykillers Mark and Jimbo did indeed briefly discuss McGovern’s wingnut creds: something like ‘Obama is the most leftwing candidate since McGovern!’ ‘No, no, that is an insult to McGovern who was a bomber pilot and therefore gloriously killed people as only a wingnut can!’ ‘Yeah, Obama’s even more commie in comparison!’ Blah blah blah.
What’s really funny, though, is their frustration. Why, why don’t the American people see Obama for the commie-terrorist-gangsta rapper he really is? And they aren’t alone; their fellow Cornertards are also ate-up with FAIL — FAIL and FAIL to cope with FAIL, a rapidly spreading clusterFAIL that threatens to engulf the entire site and turn it into a SINGULARITY OF MEGAFAIL. No sooner does one wail in misery does another let loose with an inchoate BLARGH! BLAAAARGH! at a fickle electorate which does not understand what they understand, does not see what they can see in perfect 20/20…
Mark Steyn expressed disappointment that McCain did not get wingnutty enough. Then, after being told to eat it by a completely sensible Everyman e-mailer, he grudgingly allowed that maybe the visuals didn’t work very well for the angry, entirely wingnut-looking, McCain. Steyn recovered enough to splutter something about how McCain’s grouchy old man shtick used to work just fine, dammit, back before the media and the electorate went ‘dolchstoss’ on all that is sacred and good; then he changed the subject to what he does best, being the biggest fan of Broadway musicals who demonstrates his masculine bonafides by adhesively discussing Sarah Palin and sneering at faggy furriners.
Nerdlinger, Poopoonew, and Pantload discuss wingnut emigration in the event of an Obama victory. Their consensus, a bit too shrill and insistent to be persuasive (if you know what I mean and I think you do), is very much that ‘these colors don’t run’! Sure. Meanwhile, Nerdlinger notices how military “heroism” as an electoral qualification brings increasingly diminishing returns. It’s the end of Western Civilization all over again; as Obama looks more and more victorious we’ll see a lot more of this from conservatives, a return of an archetype: the Lamenting Wingnut. For now, however, the pain is too new. Nerdlinger sourly remarks “that we’re electing a president, not a debater (and Obama is obviously a master debater — which I should not have written, but which I’m going to leave, as I’m in that kind of mood).” Got it? Poor Nerdlinger, while retaining the pomposity that is his trademark, is so anguished he’ll even post a PG-13ish pun in the Corner’s G-rated pages! It’s tough out here for a wingnut! He watches the debate, noting McCain’s creepy smiles and insane eyerolls. Nerdlinger knows he’s toast; in the end Jay-Zzzzzzz can only correct Obama’s grammar.
Poopoonew, on the other hand (!), remains cool. But then he’s also in denial. Of all the Cornertards, K-Load and McCarthy in particular have been frustrated at the ineffectiveness of Ayers-based attacks (‘why, why doesn’t America listen to Stanley Kurtz? GAAAAH!!!’). Ponnuru said they had unrealistic expectations that these attacks would work in the present climate. He gets an e-mail that makes the point that it’s basically another attack on the 60’s, which has been a standard part of the propaganda arsenal for wingnuts since… well, the 60’s. Ramesh, fan of Ronald Reagan and Newt Gingrich, enemy of Bill Clinton, doesn’t believe it. Ooookay.
I’m loving all this, though I wonder if it’s possible for even a blackhearted bastard like me to overdose on schadenfreude. When the Cubs were losing the division series, there were times I wanted to lick the screen and actually taste their and their fans’ delicious anguish. Now the wingnuts are offering me MOAR of the same! Is it too much? NEVAR! I find that (to paraphrase Homer J.) my sadistic propensity knows no satiety! Keep hte lulz coming, wingnuts!
I wonder if it’s possible for even a blackhearted bastard like me to overdose on schadenfreude.
Schadenfreude pie, maybe. (I bet that does a number on your blood sugar!)
Jim Geraghty
I know what I think, I no longer have any faith in my ability to determine what the American people will think.
They used to just know what voters would think, they just knew because they assumed their thoughts were always the voter’s thoughts. Now it is all gone and the ground has been pulled from beneath their feet. Who can explain this mystery?
recently, my chronic anxiety about the election has been punctuated with bursts of giddy joy. the schadenfreude, it burns!
why don’t the American people see Obama for the commie-terrorist-gangsta rapper he really is?
The mainstream media won’t tell you this, but I know for a fact that Cindy McCain has a very close relationship with a man who bombed innocent people in the 60s.
mmmmmmmmmmmmm schadenfreudouchebaggery.
delicious.
bless your heart mr. mencken-like character for such a fine post.
No sooner does one wail in misery does another let loose with an inchoate BLARGH! BLAAAARGH! at a fickle electorate which does not understand what they understand, does not see what they can see in perfect 20/20…
How did Althouse put it?
You know, just because the thing I saw wasn’t there doesn’t mean there wasn’t something there that I didn’t see.
When the Cubs were losing the division series, there were times I wanted to lick the screen and actually taste their and their fans’ delicious anguish
Oh yes, I know that feeling; it is the noblest and most joyful that can swell a man’s heart. Don’t follow baseball, and don’t know much about the Cubs or why they are evil. But I infer they are the baseballing moral equivalent of Manchester United and Borussia Dortmund and (worst of all) the Italian national 11. Sweet were Italy’s tears this summer, and succulent their despair. I shall be grateful to Spain for ever.
I’m just glad that we are unlikely ever to see an Italy-Republicans Cup Final. I truly wouldn’t know whose defeat and humiliation to wish for. Perhaps the answer would be to pray for massive lightning strikes on the pitch.
What could be better than watching the bullet-time train wreck of the wingnuttosphere?
Oh, I don’t know. How about watching the bullet-time train wreck of the furry wingnuttosphere?
Oh yes, I know that feeling; it is the noblest and most joyful that can swell a man’s heart. Don’t follow baseball, and don’t know much about the Cubs or why they are evil. But I infer they are the baseballing moral equivalent of Manchester United and Borussia Dortmund and (worst of all) the Italian national 11. Sweet were Italy’s tears this summer, and succulent their despair. I shall be grateful to Spain for ever.
Ahhh. Well, I dunno much about soccer, but if these teams are, as I suspect, frequent winners with shitloads of money to spend on the best players (and whose fans are absolutely insufferably arrogant), then they aren’t like the Cubs. Rather, their baseball equivalents would be (in order of egregiousness) the Yankees, the Mets, and, increasingly, the Red Sox. The American football equivalents would be, in recent years, the goddamn Patriots but traditionally, the Dallas Cowboys.
I suspect the vileness inherent to all things related to the Chicago Cubs is unique in the sports world — and, indeed, in humanity itself. No single evil thing in whatever context is equivalent. Rather, you’d have to combine awfulness from several disparate things to come close to an approximation. If, somewhere out there, there is a Nazi child molester who loves Ayn Rand and is also equal parts Richard Cheney, Richard Nixon, and Idi Amin, then maybe that person might come close in the Moral Abomination Sweepstakes to the Chicago Cubs. Maybe.
Because, see, they aren’t just arrogant, they are the most self-pitying bastards on the planet. They usually suck (though not in the last few years), finish the season at or near the bottom of the field, but they claim the high ground *because* of their losing ways. Basically, they are arrogant masochists. Also, their fan base is composed of the hugest yuppie scumbags and vacuous nitwits (google “Lincoln Park Trixie”) known to man. Ordinarily, I’d say that any team, no matter how awful in either performance or character or ownership, has at least some decent fans on the grounds of city tribalism: everyone’s gotta be able to root for the home team. But Cubs’ fans have no excuse other than an active and deep-seated desire to be vile: decent people in Chicago actually have a choice, the other being the working class and minority ppl’s team, the White Sox.
I know for a fact that Cindy McCain has a very close relationship with a man who bombed innocent people in the 60s.
I dispute “close” relationship. Assumes facts – and acts, come to think of it – not in evidence.
I dispute “man”, too, come to think of it. Haven’t we got any standards?
Dr. Loadpants sez: “But suppose a conservative wanted to go some place where the taxes were low, individual liberties secure and markets revered: Where would that place be?”
How about Iraq?
When the Cubs were losing the division series, there were times I wanted to lick the screen and actually taste their and their fans’ delicious anguish.
I want to make a confession. I’m a lifelong White Sox fan, and I sold my own team’s success to the devil just to make sure the Cubs would lose in humiliating fashion.
I tried to sell Obama’s success to Him to insure that the wingnuts would suffer horribly, but the Devil told me “Don’t be a dope” and then went back to torturing Ronald Reagan.
Pope —
I too have a confession. When my team, the St. Louis Cardinals, met the Red Sox in the ’04 Series, I forfeited my right to root for my team, for two reasons. One, in honest charity to a long-suffering Red Sox fanbase who’d been screwed by those New York bastards too many times. Two, in order that, in the event of a Sox victory, the loathsome Cubs would share comparable historic futility with one less team. The next year, when Chicago’s Morally Decent team got to the Series, I actively rooted against my League, rooted for the A.L., just so that the last “cursed” team besides the Cubs would finally achieve victory (that they were crosstown rivals to the Cubs was icing on the deliciously spiteful cake). Happily, everything turned out right. The last, worst, cursed team is the one that actually deserves it, the one that must and should suffer alone, the one that should die ugly and scared and lonely in the baseball equivalent of a pathetic mattress fire, the sick-fuck, goatse team that begs for brutal anal fisting with no lube, the team that wants you to urinate on it and put cigarettes out on its skin and then claims the experience is empowering — that team, that awful, awful team, may it burn for eternity in hell.
God bless your White Sox, sir.
“Poopoonew” = teh funneh.
“Poopoonew! I CHOOSE YOU!”
No, but sometimes their underwear overfloweth.
While the thought of fReichtards filing into international flights fills me with glee, where would those bitches go? They might wind up somewhere no one has heard of Cheetos.
Plus everyone is a leeetle pissed at the U.S. due to the Exploding Bonds trick.
Maybe they’re hoping Alaska will secede and they can go worship at the feet of She Who Must be Obeyed.
EEep! Hanx for seeing my fuck-up, Arky. Fixed now.
(’why, why doesn’t America listen to Stanley Kurtz? GAAAAH!!!’).
“Exterminate the brutes” or “the horror…the horror”?
No one could have predicted when you live in an echo chamber of the wingnuttiest (and purge those that don’t toe the line, thank you very much Mr. Buckley) you might have no fucking clue what the majority of Americans might think.
On the plus side, at least we don’t have to try and defend Bush any more. That shit really was starting to seem like “hard work”.
If, somewhere out there, there is a Nazi child molester who loves Ayn Rand and is also equal parts Richard Cheney, Richard Nixon, and Idi Amin, then maybe that person might come close in the Moral Abomination Sweepstakes to the Chicago Cubs. Maybe.
Bill Kristol?
Bill Kristol?
Yeah, that’s close enough. Or the proprietor of the defunct blog “Jumping To Conclusions.”
Ahh Jonah. Your Pantload seems especially Doughy:
Perhaps if we phrased it in the wingnut-ese fashion if you don’t like it, move. Is that civil enough for you?
So let me get this straight – you live in a country where your personal ideals are so in force that no other nation on earth is comparable. And yet this country isn’t ‘conservative’ enough.
As a lib-tard, I totally support your right to choose the crazy lifestyle that you have, but when you’re so ‘conservative’ that the country that’s far and away the most ‘consevative’ in the whole freaking world isn’t ‘conservative’ enough for you – that seems like a good sign for a bit of introspection, n’est çe pas?
Oh, also this from K-Lo (regarding the Al Smith dinner roasts):
Umm, McCain would lose that one too.
I know! Mom’s basement!
Those fucking bastards wouldn’t know true conservatism if it walked up and pissed in their ear. They’re the ones who twisted it into a Morality Enforcer in every bedroom, a tap on every phone, and torture because we’re a-scared of the brown guys.
As for revering the markets, excuse me while I guffaw for half an hour. Their version of “reverence” is based on mommy’s devotion. Never saying no, never expecting them to do shit, and the appearance of a fresh bag of Cheetos when they whine.
They’re exactly like the so-called Christians when they piss everyone off to the point of boiling up the tar and opening a few pillows. “Well gosh, why is everyone all mad at us? We just want to follow Jesus’ teachings and take care of our fellow man.*”
Assholes.
*Insert obligatory Teddy sHaggard joke here.
They really do live in an alternate reality.
In this one, we’ve got a right-wing government that spies on us, doesn’t believe in habeas corpus, and ignores the Constitution.
And has just socialized the banks.
This is my country no matter what and I agree that jokes about leaving are often unseemly (to say the least).
Besides, what other country takes no-talent propagandists and puts them on the platinum dole.
You lent me your country but I Busted it… Can I haz nu country?
Reverse Midas strikes again:
09:01 am : S&P futures vs fair value: -21.40. Nasdaq futures vs fair value: -23.30. Stocks remain on track for a downward start. President Bush recently concluded a speech that reviewed recent government actions to stabilize the financial system. He stated the government will not exercise control over any private firm. Separately, overnight LIBOR rates have pulled back to 1.67% from 1.94% yesterday.
All dirt has been thrown upon the Corner’s face.
You have 18 days to get the country to forget the economic collapse, Iraq, Palin Ale, Sam The Unlicensed’ Plumber, Dick Cheney, George Bush and a host of other right-wing neocon born EPIC FAILS ever existed The Truth, you should get to work on that. Good Luck.
Dear Truth:
the Buttocks.
The church groups keep saying, “Vote LIFE! You must vote for candidates for LIFE ISSUES!” and I just keep saying and thinking that voting to end the war is voting for life. Ahh, I do what I must.
If the wingidiots don’t understand the reasons they’re gonna get they’re asses handed to them…fuck ’em, then laugh at them, then fuck ’em and laugh at them some more.
I wonder if it’s possible for even a blackhearted bastard like me to overdose on schadenfreude.
You have to pace yourself. If you get feeling some schadenfreude fatigue, take a deep breath, maybe have a drink. Then reflect on one of the horrors of the Bush years – start small, like with “Freedom Fries” or maybe the outrage over the Ninth Circuit’s decision about “Under God” in the pledge. You’ll then feel recharged and ready to schaden some more freudes.
Save the big stuff like Schiavo, Katrina, warrantless wiretapping, Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay, the AUMF, the MCA, etc. for when you really need that second (or nth) wind.
If, somewhere out there, there is a Nazi child molester who loves Ayn Rand and is also equal parts Richard Cheney, Richard Nixon, and Idi Amin, then maybe that person might come close in the Moral Abomination Sweepstakes to the Chicago Cubs. Maybe.
Incivility is a cancer on the blogosphere and I’m glad you’ve chosen to avoid it.
H.,
thanks for the sociological skinny re Cubs.
if these teams are, as I suspect, frequent winners with shitloads of money to spend on the best players (and whose fans are absolutely insufferably arrogant)
True enough of Man Utd plc, or at least it was until Chelsea found a tame Russian oligarch. Now they’re not doing so well, ha ha, and since Manchester City — traditionally supported by all real Mancunians but not so lucky in the money department — have found a tame sheikh with even deeper pockets than the oligarch’s, even City might have drunk United’s milkshake by the end of the season.
Borussia used to be flying high and for a few years were neck and neck with Bayern Munich. Now they’re mediocre, and I hear they have money problems. So I don’t hate them for being the Yankees translated into German (that would be Bayern, who BTW are having teh suck season this year). No, I just hate them. And I hate their stupid black-and-yellow strip, and their stupid stadium, and the stupid accents of their fans. Schalke — Dortmund’s archrival and the other major Ruhrpott proletarian club — get my support over Borussia every time.
As a national rather than club side, money’s not the key driver for Italy. No, instead it’s corruption, dishonesty, pettiness, malevolence and spite. You probably think of Italians as a stylish, dashing, flamboyant people with a flair for life, beauty and art. And so they are, except for their football squad. Italy are notorious for boring, ugly football. They play an exaggeratedly defensive game in which the main thing is to avoid conceding goals at all costs; they are the anti-Brazil. What’s more, they are the unquestioned world champions at diving. Brush against one however lightly, or even run past him when the ref’s at an angle from which it might look to him as though there’d been contact, and your man in blue instantly falls screaming to the ground, writhing in agony, until the penalty is awarded or the card imposed; then, just as instantly, he pops briskly up and scampers off with an angelic smile. (But of course, they’ll knife you in the thyroid if they think the ref won’t see.) Somebody mentioned Bill Kristol upthread. Well, if Bill played football, he’d play for Italy. No, that’s not true; Bill and Italian football are literally the same thing, they are just manifested in different forms. Everybody in Europe hates the Azzurri. Seriously. Even in Italy, significant numbers of ex-football fans have become so disgusted with Italian football (national and club) that they’re abandoning the game and turning to rugby (which has always been popular in Italy, but till now was highly concentrated in a couple of regions). That curse you have called down on the Cubs? When the Cubs are in hell suffering the torments you have decreed, they will at least have the comfort of knowing that Italy’s punishments are even worse.
Imagine my joy on November 4.
Right back atcha, Untruth.
Meanwhile, McCain, who’s probably given up, was really very funny last night, and likely could have still been in the thick of it if he had listened to his inner jokester, instead of a bunch of drunk wingnuts who were sitting with thumbs up bungholes pressing sticks further up there.
Troofy,
And you liberals are counting your chickens way before they hatched,
Umm, I think you’re projecting again. But you do have a point about how there’s no evidence whatsoever of an Obama victory.
…likely could have still been in the thick of it if he had listened to his inner jokester…
I wonder if he threw away his notes, cracked open a beer and watched Animal House?
The Truth,
Imagine my joy on November 4
It’ll be wonderful. The golden doors will swing open, and you’ll enter into a magical place where everything is beautiful and all is as it should be for ever. Just like the little girl at the end of Pan’s Labyrinth.
“Why are you beating that dead horse?”
“IF I STOP WE’RE ALL DEAD! besides IT’S NOT DEAD!!”
“Yes, actually it is. The cloudy eyes, the lack of breathing, the laying in a heap on ground, Dead Horse.”
“IT’S NOT DEAD, IT’S JUST PINING FOR DUBYA!”
I may say that you’re a dreamer. Aaaaand, you’re becoming the only one.
the Buttocks.
I do so love being present at the birth of an Internet Tradition. Miracle of life, etc., etc.,
Anybody who roots for Shoeless Joe and the Black Sox over the Hexxed of the Billy Goat is a scumbag, IMHO. But YMMV.
“IT’S NOT DEAD, IT’S JUST PINING FOR DUBYA!”
Dubya who?
Oh, you mean that extremely liberal looser who the Democrats installed in the White House to enact all that ultraliberal liberaliness?
Well, HTML, I used to like you. After that Cubs comment, I changed my mind. You are TEH SUCK now. Sorry, comrade, but your White Sox didn’t make it either. And they had a higher payroll than the Cubs. Kind of undermines your small-guy act, doesn’t it?
Funny. I listen to a fair amount of talk radio — only in short bursts, thankfully — and the big bugaboo now seems to be that if (when) there is a Democratic administration and Congress, the Fairness Doctrine will come back and suppress all the right-wing free speech. What they (and unfortunately, many Democratic pols) fail to realize is that the current election shows the Fairness Doctrine is unnecessary.
After nearly 30 years of ever-increasing demonization of liberalism and the Democratic Party emanating from the Voice of Wingnuttistan, particularly the last eight years of web-enhanced hategasmic glee… if, despite all that, the country is ready to put the Democrats in power, then the noisy wingnuts have become entirely irrelevant. They are gabbling into a shrinking echo chamber, and have managed to get themselves totally marginalized. And I say let them stay there on the margins. No legislative efforts to make them tell the truth or be balanced. Fuck balance. Counter them with facts and truth through other outlets, and let them continue to yowl and howl to a diminishing base until they are the only ones listening to their own shrying.
Hm. This now seems a bit OT. Sorry.
Perhaps OT, Dan, but very interesting. I like the sound of that strategy.
Need a rule change tho:
News must be clearly separated from commentary. Song or Jingle to announce the News. Announcer who is not one of commenters, announcing that he is reading the News. The News. Announcer telling you that was the News and now back to commentary.
That little bugger right there would solve tons of issues.
And you liberals are counting your chickens way before they hatched
We don’t hatch chickens, Troofie.
We clone them. Please try to keep up.
One, in honest charity to a long-suffering Red Sox fanbase who’d been screwed by those New York bastards too many times.
HEY! Don’t hold a whole city up to contempt because of Bill BUCKNER!
(muahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha…think you’ll come into MY house and beat us with a weak-ass pitching staff and Dave Henderson???? 1986, Beeyatches!)
We don’t hatch chickens, Troofie. We clone them.
From the stem cells of slaughtered womb-babies.
HTML, I never knew you were multi-schadenfreugasmic.
How about Iraq?
I hear it’s safe there. Much safer than DC.
When the Cubs were losing the division series, there were times I wanted to lick the screen and actually taste their and their fans’ delicious anguish.
Please do so, after first painting the screen with a nice, thick coat of cyanide.
Man it feels good to be a wingnut
Owlbear, that is sheer genius. May I quote you?
But at what cost, Dan? Shall we poll some dead Iraqis? How about some drowned folks from New Orleans? Hard to get a response from them…I know, let’s talk to the people who don’t really understand what a CDO is, or a credit swap, but know that not only is their own future fucked, so is that of their children.
We would be better off with an informed citizenry.
How many more of these lessons can we afford? We don’t even know if we can afford this one, yet. And we won’t, for some many sucky years to come.
“When the Cubs were losing the division series, there were times I wanted to lick the screen and actually taste their and their fans’ delicious anguish.”
This may be one of the greatest pieces of prose I have ever read.
sure.
And, geez, these Republics sure are front-runners, eh?
It is surely telling that HTML and The Truth share their sick love for that other Chicago team nobody cares about. I am somewhat surprised by the Truth’s argument, since I have come to believe he doesn’t usually go with namby-pamby stuff like “exceeds expectations”.
“White” what, now, Troofie?
Schadenfreude, skadefryd. The delicacy of triumph and malice, so sweet. Careful you do not drown, Mr. HTML.
While the thought of fReichtards filing into international flights fills me with glee, where would those bitches go? They might wind up somewhere no one has heard of Cheetos.
If anyone says they’ll leave the US if Obama wins, ask them where they plan to go? See if they can name a country without nationalized health care, a less socialized economy, more privatized social services, and lower taxes than this one. Then see how many really want to live in Somalia.
Schadenfreude, schadenfreude, every morning you greet me
lost the debate
right-wing hate
you look happy to meet me
The latest poll
may you rick and roll,
rick and roll forever
schadenfreude, schadenfreude, bless my home-land forever
I don’t know; I think Somalia’s got a lot going for it. The Pirates might win the pennant this year.