Teach Your Kids About Sex the Michael Jackson Way

Focus on the Family has an illuminating article about the best way to teach sex to your kids:

How to Talk to Your Teens About Sex

First, put a paper bag over your head.

“Tell your teen, ‘this is what I put on mommy’s head before doing the nasty.'”

Then, speak slowly and clearly. Ah, don’t you wish talking to your teens about sex was an easy task? It’s not, and there’s no use pretending it is. However, it’s critical that you do it. Don’t believe the fallacies.

And if there’s one thing we all hate, it’s phallus fallacies.

If you don’t talk to your kids, the only information they get will be from their uneducated friends, or the distorted media.

Hey, I can relate: I don’t want my kids learning about sex from Andy Rooney either.

Let’s see what their recommendations are:

WHERE: Not at a restaurant. You’ll already feel a bit self-conscious talking to your teen without having any other potential eavesdroppers.

“Yeah, I’ll have the double bacon cheddar wrap, and Junior here will have a foot-long hot dog… ooooh that reminds me, son, we need to talk to you about your cock at some point.”

Most teens seem to be more receptive to talking about difficult things at night. Take advantage of this by “tucking” them into bed. Sit on the edge of the bed and begin. The dark room helps you as well.

So, you should take advantage of your teen in a dark room. It’s easy: just sit on the edge of the bed and begin.

Y’know, something tells me God would not approve of this…

Curl up on the sofa, pop a bowl of popcorn, fix their favorite beverage and go for it.

“But don’t forget to slip ’em that li’l blue tic-tac! Otherwise, things could get ugly real fast…”

Be sure that nothing is planned for early the next day, that the phones are turned off and that there’s little chance for interruption.

OK, this seriously sounds like the instructions Michael Jackson gives his butler at Neverland Ranch… and that’s not a good thing.


Comments: 14


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And a truly unreal article it is.
I can hardly stand to talk to right wingers about anything inconsequential. Pity their kids being asked to write out questions ahead of time…


That is just so idiotic. I prefer the “Yeah, Tell Them At Home But Be Upfront About It And Don’t Just Discuss Abstinence” approach. 🙂


Shelly, did you READ the article? It’s pretty much exactly what you prefer. It’s actually a pretty rational approach compared to the typical FOF nonsense.


And Don’t forget to them how evil and sinful lusting after the same sex is, and how they will burn in hell with ghandi and dali lama for it.


I thought right wingers didn’t HAVE sex?


And don’t forget to tell your sons that it’s OK to lie for a piece of ass.


The first time they talk to their kids about sex is when they’re a teen? And they tuck them into bed still. The kids probably already know more about sex than their parents do.


The part I read WAS idiotic, in my opinion. The other half was better, yes; but the first part? No.


Here’s a website with some actually useful information for adults trying to broach the subject of sexuality with young people:


A couple of really useful books (to supplement/provoke discussion, not replace it):

For the younger set (1st-3rd grade): What’s the Big Secret?, by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown

For pre-teens (have these discussions before puberty hits): It’s Perfectly Normal, by Robie H. Harris


The article says:
“If your teen hasn’t asked you any questions by the time he or she is 14, set a time to talk.”

Write your questions down ahead of time.

But then the article says:
“Always. Talk about sex freely, openly and honestly in your home. Be the place where your teen comes for information first, or to check out information they’ve heard from their friends. Experts say that discussing sexuality on an ongoing basis helps teens have a healthier view of sexuality and postpone sex until marriage.”

And that is very good advice. It means you start talking to them about the differences between male and female, and how reproduction takes place before it occurs to either of you to be embarassed–like when they’re two, and you give their body parts the correct names.


Talking to kids about sex is the best way to prevent alot of bad things from happening. Talking about sex in our home in an apropriate fashion was never considered Taboo. Questions are simply meant to be given valid answers. Where do babys come from? well.. there is NO stork!! and this is how life comes to be. if we teach them that sex is wrong or bad, will they not come to see thier own conception as being just that??
How can they ever be expected to learn where doors are closed?
There are also serious deseases out there today, far more dangerous than the STD’s of old. Today we face Hep, C and Aids to name a couple and so when your children ask you anything about Sex and relationships, SAFE SEX, is the one most important message we need to be sharing. Parents need to give thier kids credit where credit is due. They are not dumb, not unable to learn, they are curious and uninformed with a desire to learn. Show them the respect for the mature questions they may ask you about Sex and Safety. They did not learn for instance that a serious burn comes from fire by placing thier hands in it, they learned fire burns by being taught by an adult in thier lives or one who accidentally suffered that burn. Education is the answer here. Don’y make your kids ashamed to be going through puberty. We must not shame them for having the intelligence to ask us all the right questions and we must dignify them with the truth and the answers they as young adults deserve and were brave enough, or wise enough to ask.
Sex is not dirty, nor shameful, it is a reality. Something we will all share at some point and time in our lives. why not start them off on the right foot by simply being honest. The world can be a hateful place. A place where the wrong answers also distort the views of young adults. If they are to know the truth and have faith in themselves and the decisions they are challenged to make, the truth and the answers must come from somebody they know loves and trusts them. If we treat them as morons, they will behave like morons. If we teach them disrespect, they will soon come to live that disrespect. My huband and I were always honest, open and recpetive to the questions of our children and we have four. Four children who have a greater amount of respect for themselves and thier bodies. Four children who were wise when in relationships and unafraid to express thier needs such as birth control How embrassasing it that your child is being talked to and birth control or being given contraceptives by a school nurse rather than by thier nonjudgemental parents? Think wisely when sharing with your kids the truth and facts about sex, heck bring God into that conversation if the need is there, but never must we make them feel that they are wrong for being human with human emotions, desires and feelings. We must never make then fearful or hate filled about the realities in life. When our kids are born we do not say ” we will only love you if you live as we see fit “. It is unconditional and it is about respect. We must never force our kids to live in closets because who they are and how they choose to live may perhaps not meet our ideals. It is time for change and that change will open many doors to our young adults and our future generations. Honestly, honesty can never be a bad thing. We must not judge them because of sexual prefferences, gender or religion. Our soul purpose in life where our children are concerned is of ” love ” and ” Undersatnding “. We support them and encourage them, but most of all we are meant to listen with open minds when they speak. I assure you, what they have to say is most often worth being heard.


Your children will let you know when they become curious and desire answers. I am certain most parents know here the limits are for education. We are not going to teach a child in grade 5 that which we would would share and teach a young adult in high school. When a child expresses an interest in understanding, the truth that is age level, can never be wrong. Again and most importantly, we must never teach them that the act of making love, or the new desires that come along with puberty are ” bad or Wrong “. If this were true, there would be far less children in thw world. We must be careful not to destort thier views with something seen as negative. I have said it before and I will say it again, if we are not careful we will have them seeing thier own conception as being something dirty or wrong. Our kids are going to grow up and they are going to have sex.. period.. end of story. How they view sex and respect for themselves is up to us, the adults who are to lead them.Ideally absitnance is perfect, but our kids are not born perfect nor into a perfect world. They face many choices in growing up, including peer pressure and thier own emotions. I also believe that the reason people remember that first heart break when young, well into thier adult lives, is because it was thier FIRST REAL LOVE, and that pain is not something we soon forget in our lives. With such intense love comes so heavy and intense emotions and feelings. To say yes, or no, can be more difficult than most are willing to admit. After all, sex is something that just seems to feel natural when you are in love. We must never insult the feelings and intelligence our kids by telling them that they are to young to understand what love truly is. We must never close the doors to truth where our children are concerned. There are many and varied kinds of love in this world. It is up to us to remain involved in our childrens lives and to be there when needed and to be there for them when perhaps they are to young to see that they still need us there. Sex is something wonderful and pleasurable. Sex is something that becomes a part of all of our lives. The answers we truthfully and repsectfully give today, hold the answers to who your children are going to honestly and respectfully grow up to be.


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