Why, Ed?

For a moment it seemed as though we?d caught Edwin J. Feulner, Ph.D., president of the Heritage Foundation, in a private moment — perhaps staring into a morning gin and tonic as the balances and debits of his life whirled in a middle-age remorse-spiral toward the one question:

Why?

But no.

…is Townhall.com separating from Heritage?

?That’s a question I’ve been asked often lately,? Fulner says, brightening. ?From opponents to allies, left to right, enquiring minds want to know.?

And true enough, so in a spirit of collegial inquiry (not to mention enquiry) we bring you Ed Fuelner?s April 1st. Townhall column, completely unedited and without comment of any nature.

On the other hand, no we won’t.

Among our adversaries on the left, conjectures range from hopeful thoughts of discord to dark visions of a spreading conservative conspiracy.

Actually, one?s mind turned back to the later, low-grade Popeye cartoons, where his dwarf nephews Peepeye, Pipeye, Pupeye, and Poopeye were always running around underfoot making a flailing mess out of things. ?I had all I can stands,? Heritage bellowed, ?An? I can?t stands no more!?

But?

Regrettably that is not the case, as the trademark phrase goes.

?I can tell you the reason for the separation in one simple word: Potential. Townhall.com is separating from The Heritage Foundation so it can achieve its full potential and needs your support.

In other words, dark visions of a spreading right-wing conspiracy. As Ed explains:

When Heritage acquired Townhall.com from National Review in 1995, we did so in an effort to help the conservative movement as a whole. That’s always been our goal for Townhall.com — to grow the movement. And it has succeeded.

Today, Townhall.com is quite simply the leading conservative website.

APRIL FOOL! WooHoo! (Balloon drop; air horns; clowns pile out of Volkswagens.) APRIL FOOL! (Ed?s shoes explode; comedy snakes boing out of peanut-brittle cans) Ed, you sneaky bastard; you totally had us straight-eyed?.

[?] As part of The Heritage Foundation, Townhall.com is limited by the IRS to the “education only” status of The Heritage Foundation. But while that status suits Heritage’s mission, it limits what Townhall.com can do.

He?s still running with it. In all seriousness (and packing the clowns back into the Volkswagens with clown-plungers), this means that Heritage has learned a lesson from the grass-roots organizing and fund-raising that the left ? e.g. DailyKos ? so ably accomplished during the last election cycle. Townhall is reorganizing as the Heritage Foundation?s partisan go-to division, able to skirt nonprofit regulations against the direct financing of political campaigns via dormant armies of cyborg slaves grown in vats of nutrients, agar-agar, and AbsorbShun. Or, as Ed explains:

Townhall.com will now be free to activate (and continue to grow) those 1.5 million monthly readers, creating the unified conservative force that our country needs.

And that?s why he?s?

And that’s why I’m asking you to join me in supporting Townhall.com at this crucial time. This is a critical juncture for Townhall.com and our adversaries on the left would like nothing more than to see Townhall.com stumble as it leaves the starting gate and never recover.

And break its leg and have to be shot, and end up like Misty of Chincoteague, skinned and stuffed in a provincial museum with buses of field-tripping kids wiping their popsicle hands on its hide? ?Nothing more? is a strong statement, Ed, but if you can pull some easy strings and throw in an evening with a ?happy ending? for Pete M. with Debra J. Saunders….